September 24. The gloom and anguish he had felt last night stayed with him in sleep, and it was still there when Pacey woke before dawn. All was dark. He lay on his side, warm where Joey's sleeping body touched him, cool where he was exposed to the air. He knew she had an eight A.M. class, and would have to get up sooner rather than later. He swallowed against the unease he felt at having to explain just what sent him to her dorm late last night, at having to explain feelings he didn't quite understand himself.

Pacey then carefully and silently slipped out of Joey's bed, leaving her sleeping. Left her asleep while he pulled on his jeans, stepped into his shoes, and wrote a note to leave beside her on the pillow. Then he just as carefully and quietly slipped out of the room, making sure to lock the door behind him.

At half past eight, there was a knock on his apartment door. Freshly showered, shaved, and dressed, Pacey answered it to see Andie smiling as she stood in the hallway outside.

"Your chariot has arrived," she grinned.

"Thanks for not standing me up."

Her eyes narrowed. "Funny. Would you rather walk or take the bus to the diner? 'Cause I can leave."

"There's no need for that, McPhee."

Pacey joined her in the hallway, and they made for the stairs.

Tucked away on a quiet corner of A Street in South Boston, sat an unassuming brick building housing a tavern at one end and a diner on the other. The place was crowded and there was a line. After waiting about half an hour, Pacey and Andie were finally seated in a booth next to a set of tall windows facing West Broadway. Alongside the continuous stream of laughter and jovial conversation, delectable plates of food kept flying out of the kitchen—pancakes with a fluffy spiral of whipped cream, golden toast, perfectly cooked steak and eggs.

As their waitress set a plate in front of Andie, adorned with a stack of waffles topped with peanut butter, honey, sliced bananas, and one of those fluffy spirals of whipped cream, her eyes popped and her mouth fell open.

"You better believe I'm having a bite of that," Pacey said to her as his own breakfast of hash, eggs, bacon, and toast was placed in front of him.

After taking a bite, Andie's eyes rolled. "Oh, my God," she groaned as she chewed.

She offered her plate, and with a grin, Pacey reached with his fork and sliced a piece of waffle, making sure to get a little of everything on the single bite. "Wow," he said, nodding as he chewed. "That's amazing."

While they ate, he let Andie talk, filling him in on life at Harvard. Before long he knew all about her three roommates and their various minidramas, the social life of Straus Hall, and which classes were her favorites.

"Things better with you and Will?" he asked after taking a sip of his orange juice.

She shrugged. "Yeah. He didn't seem as angry by the time we left Joey's birthday party the other night. We had a good day yesterday. I hung out with him at his dorm and we studied together, watched TV. Then we ordered pizza and… yeah, it was a good night."

"Good." Pacey smiled before taking the last bite of hash.

"I still kinda wanna make it up to him, though. Do something fun. You know, since it was my fault that we missed out on the movies."

He suddenly remembered. "Oh. Hey, you guys busy tonight? You wanna go to Fenway and catch a Red Sox game? I got tickets."

She smiled. "No, we're not busy, as far as I know. I'll call Will and ask if wants to go."

"Great," he said, returning her smile and watching her pull her cell phone from her purse. "Should be fun."

Pacey listened as she spoke to Will Krudski, inviting him to the baseball game. After getting an affirmative answer, she gave him a thumbs up, said goodbye to her boyfriend, and ended the call. Silence then filled the space between them. He sighed as he spun his empty coffee mug on the tabletop, companionship and a stomach full of good food doing nothing to dispel his gloom.

Andie studied him a moment. "You okay, Pacey?"

"Yeah, sure," he said with a shrug, not quite meeting her eye. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She arched a skeptical brow. "You don't have to do that, you know."

"Do what?"

"Act like things are okay when they're not. I mean, this is me you're talking to, Pacey. The queen of pretending everything's fine and slapping on a big smile when actually everything's falling apart."

He took a deep breath and finished off his juice.

"Is it Joey?"

He pursed his lips as he set his glass down and shook his head. "Things with Joey are good. She has class from eight to nine-thirty, and then she's coming over later."

She nodded and took a drink from her glass of water. "Are you having problems at work?"

Frowning, he leaned forward, setting his forearms on the table. He was quiet a moment, drumming his fingertips, while Andie said nothing more, giving him time. "Tamara Jacobs came into the restaurant last night."

"Oh, Pacey," she breathed, reaching out to touch his arm.

"I'm fine, Andie," he said quickly, pulling back from her and sitting up straight in the booth.

"No, you're obviously not fine, Pacey." She frowned. "Did Ms. Jacobs… see you? Did she talk to you?"

"Yes, and… yes."

"What happened?"

"Well… nothing. Nothing happened. My boss called me up front to meet this guy and his fiancée. It was, you know, benign small talk. But…"

"And I'm assuming this man's fiancée was…"

"Tamara. Yes."

Andie reached out and grasped his hand. "It's okay to be upset, Pacey."

"I'm not upset."

"You obviously are, and there's nothing wrong with that. I mean… what that woman did to you…"

He made a face as he pulled his hand free. "What are you talking about? She didn't do anything to me. The whole thing was my fault."

Her blue eyes widened with indignant surprise. "Pacey, it wasn't your fault. You were a kid. She was the adult."

"I wanted her. I went after her. And it was my big fat stupid mouth that caused all the trouble. Because of me, everyone found out. She had to leave Capeside. And if I hadn't lied to the school board, she could've gone to jail. It was all my doing."

"Pacey, you are not responsible for any of that."

"I am, Andie. What happened between us… it was mutual. I was a willing participant. Besides, I instigated the whole thing. I was sad when it ended, but what happened between me and Tamara wasn't the end of the world."

He shook his head, staring down at the table. "I don't know why. I don't know why I reacted the way I did, when I saw her again. I felt sick. I felt—" He paused, thinking a moment, and then scoffed. "You know, the last time I saw her, I was with you."

"That day we ran into her on the street?"

His face flushed with warmth, and a twinge of guilt knotted his stomach. "Uh, no. Later, when we were at that café, the one near the video store. I saw her getting into her car and driving away. And I was… I was fine. I wasn't upset with her. I wasn't angry over what happened, over how it all went down. I wasn't even bothered."

She eyed him for a few seconds. "But you're upset and angry now. It bothers you now," she said perceptively. "Doesn't it?"

Pacey became wrapped deep in thought as he gazed at Andie, remembering how she'd literally crashed into him just a little over three months after Tamara had left town. How inexplicable the timing of his life! It always seemed too soon or too late. If only he had met Andie sooner… before Tamara Jacobs ever came to Capeside. If he had only known then that there was something wonderful worth waiting for just around the corner…

Unconsciously, his jaw clenched, his hands curled into fists. Suddenly an old bitterness of regret rose up like bile. He felt heat flame in his face. Emotion seized his throat. "You, uh, you remember our, uh, our first night together?"

"You mean that disaster of a first date that we never actually got to go on, or do you mean…?" Her eyes went wide with a pointed look.

"Yeah, I mean… that."

Her cheeks blushed pink, and then she smirked while shrugging nonchalantly. "Nope. Completely forgot."

He nodded, laughing breathlessly. "Well, I haven't. I went all out—the French restaurant and the bed and breakfast—because I wanted it to be really special for you. I wanted your first time to be everything you ever wanted, ever dreamed of. And what you'd be sharing with me… well, I wanted to feel worthy of that. I knew I was… I was damaged goods, and I could never give you what you'd be giving me. And so, I had to make up for that, compensate for that somehow.

"And I knew that just me, on my own, wasn't enough. I wasn't worthy of you. I didn't deserve…"

"To be loved?"

He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat.

"So, you create these grand romantic gestures because you feel that's what you have to do to be deserving of someone's affection. Am I right?"

He expelled a heavy breath. "I, uh, I think so, yeah."

She smiled sadly. "Well, that night would've happened with or without a French restaurant or a fancy room at an upscale bed and breakfast. You are deserving, Pacey. You are worthy. You are good enough. You were always enough. You're more than enough. You're perfect, as is." Her sad smile turned into a grin. "And if memory serves me right, that night was very special and you gave me a very good time. At least one of us knew what they were doing."

He snorted.

"I don't regret a single moment I spent with you. And just so you know, you deserved better. Your first time should not have been… that."

"What, you mean humping a woman old enough to be my mother up against a tree?" he deadpanned. "Isn't that what every guy wants for his first time?"

She rolled her eyes. "And I think it didn't bother you at the time because you didn't think you deserved any better than that. But it bothers you now because you know you did. You deserved better, Pacey. You did."

Sighing, he smiled. "There you go, McPhee. Telling me what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it."

"That's what friends are for."

This time, Pacey reached his hand across the table and grasped hers, giving her a squeeze. "You know I love you, right?"

Andie smiled, her gaze softening as she squeezed back. "I love you, too, Pacey."

Joey laid down, and Pacey covered her up and looked down at her, but didn't say anything. He was just looking at her. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. "Pacey."

Nothing.

"Pacey, what is it?"

He sat beside her on the bed and kept looking at her. She sat up and put her hand on his arm. God, he looked good. T-shirt, boxers, bare feet, hair tousled and curly. He was all her fantasies rolled into one man. His deep blue eyes were sad, but still he said nothing. He was just sitting on her bed, looking at her. She had to say something to get him to talk, but what?

"I can't do anything about whatever it is, Pace, until you tell me what it is."

He ran his hands up her arms slowly, his sad eyes never leaving hers. She lifted her hand to his chest and felt his heart beating. He pushed the hair from her face, and leaned in. Her eyes closed before his lips touched hers.

Joey's eyes opened. The seven o'clock alarm was ringing. She was alone in her bed. He wasn't there. She'd been dreaming. She reached over to shut off the alarm and sighed deeply. It was Monday. Memories from the night before rushed back as she turned her head and her gaze fell on the note that had been left on her pillow. She quickly grabbed the note and sat up.

"Good morning. I know you have an early class and I made breakfast plans with Andie. I'll see you at the loft. Sorry about last night. I love you. ~ Pacey"

Her brows knitted as she stared down at the paper in her hands. She looked over at the cell phone on her bedside stand and momentarily thought about calling him, but decided against it. She doubted he was meeting Andie for breakfast this early, and he easily could've stayed and seen her off to class. It was a convenient excuse to get out of there with no questions asked.

Again, she wondered what had happened to him. It had been a long time since she'd last seen Pacey so upset, not since his arrest back in the spring. Instead of calling, she reasoned it would be better to talk to him about it in person. She showered and dressed, walked to biology class, and sat there for ninety minutes, all the while thinking of him, and worrying.

When Joey got back to her dorm room, she found Audrey sitting up in bed, yawning. She walked over and handed her roommate a cup of coffee.

"You did a Dunkin' run, huh?" Audrey said, taking the cup. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Joey sat on her bed with a sigh, and took a sip of her own coffee.

"So, what's up with that boyfriend of yours? Did you ask him why he was so upset last night?"

She shook her head. "I haven't seen him. He'd left before I even woke up."

Audrey's brows knitted, and she thought for a moment. "Well, what do you think is the matter with him?"

"I have no idea."

"Maybe he did something… maybe he feels guilty," her roommate pondered.

Joey's expression contorted with confusion. "Guilty about what?"

Shrugging, Audrey drank from her cup. "I mean, maybe he… maybe he cheated on you. I'm sure there are plenty of cute girls at that restaurant he works at."

She stared for a moment and then laughed. "Pacey doesn't cheat."

"Well, then he'd be really upset he made a huge mistake, wouldn't he? He'd be, like, devastated, right?"

The very idea was unfathomable. "Pacey isn't a cheater, Audrey. I mean, he'd be the last person… He wouldn't do it. He isn't capable. He just isn't. There's really no doubt in my mind."

"All men are capable, believe me. Maybe he is a cheater, but you just haven't found out yet. Have you ever heard of the expression, 'what you don't know can't hurt you?'"

"Have you ever heard the expression, 'you need to be medicated?'" Joey rolled her eyes and stood up. "I know Pacey a lot better than you do, Audrey."

Her roommate huffed. "You're right. And it's none of my business, so I guess I'll just shut up."

An hour later, after Joey had caught the bus to South Boston, she was walking up Eighth Street and approaching Pacey's apartment building just as a familiar Saab pulled up in front of it and parked on the curb. She felt a funny kick at her stomach as she saw Pacey and Andie together. If felt a hell of a lot like a jealous stab, which was insane. Unable to help it, her conversation with Audrey suddenly came to mind, her roommate's words, like a knife of jealousy, stabbing at her heart.

Then she rolled her eyes, inwardly chiding herself for the ridiculous feeling.

"Hey, Jo," Pacey said with a smile as he hastily got out of the car to greet her.

"Hey." She smiled when he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her forehead, then when she looked up at him, he kissed her lips right in front of Andie.

Pacey turned back to the Saab. "Thanks for taking me to breakfast, McPhee."

Andie beamed a smile. "Thanks for buying, Witter." Then she shifted her gaze. "Hi, Joey!"

"Hi."

He chuckled. "Oh, Andie and Will are gonna come to the baseball game with us tonight," he said to her.

Joey nodded. "Great. Then I guess we'll see you later."

"Yep." Andie then said goodbye and pulled away from the curb.

Pacey grabbed his girlfriend by the hand, and they walked together inside the apartment building. As they took the stairs to the third floor, an awkward silence took over, neither of them speaking. He unlocked the apartment door, and they stepped inside.

Joey immediately noticed the cans of paint and the toolbox on the kitchen floor. "Working on a project?"

"Oh, just little things around the place. Gretchen wants to get everything fixed up so we can finally plan a housewarming party. The landlord is supposed to have new appliances delivered by the end of the week."

"Is your sister here?"

"Nope. She has class. I don't see her that much, honestly. She's either at school, at work, or with Charlie."

Joey set her bag down on the island and watched him as he went to one of the cabinets and pulled out a glass, filling it with water from the tap. "So… do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" he replied evasively.

"Last night."

"Oh, that." With a sigh, Pacey walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

Closing her eyes, she shook her head and followed him. She took a seat on the couch, and waited for him to speak.

His stomach was in knots. He didn't know why it suddenly felt so much more difficult to broach the subject with Joey than with Andie. Maybe it was because he knew Joey had never reacted well to any discussion about Tamara. He knew just how sore a subject it was.

"Did something happen at the restaurant?" she asked quietly, gently prodding him.

He took a deep breath. "Tamara Jacobs was there last night."

She stared, but she found she really wasn't all that shocked. Maybe because she'd already had her own shock where Ms. Jacobs was concerned back over the summer. "Oh."

"You don't seem that surprised, Jo."

"Well… I maybe kinda… saw her myself a couple months ago."

Pacey's eyes went wide. "What? In Capeside? Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged. "Well, you were away. And it was only the one time. She walked into the gas station, bought a pack of cinnamon gum, and then walked out. And I never saw her again. It was… you know, inconsequential." But Joey shook her head, indignation rising in her gut. "The nerve of that woman showing her face in Capeside. How she can just walk around as if she did nothing wrong… as if she has nothing to be ashamed of…"

He stared down at his hands, and frowned.

"Dawson saw her, too. At the county fair," she continued, and Pacey looked up to meet her gaze. "Yeah. He said she was with her fiancé and that she asked about you."

"Ah. Well… she was with her fiancé last night, too."

"Did she actually say something to you? Or did you just notice she was at a table, or something?"

"Yeah, we talked. You know, it was just the normal, 'hi, how are you, remember when we used to fuck illegally?' Not in so many words, of course. But you know… the subtext was there."

Joey frowned and reached for his hand. "You're upset."

His insides clenched. "We really don't have to talk about this. I mean, it wasn't a big deal. I saw her. The conversation lasted five minutes, and that was it. I'm fine."

"Pacey, you came to my room in the middle of the night and cried yourself to sleep. Are you really going to sit there and tell me you're fine and expect me to believe it?"

"We both know Tamara Jacobs isn't a subject you like talking about, Jo."

"I don't like talking about a lot of things, but that doesn't mean I won't if I have to."

"But you shouldn't have to. That's what I'm saying."

Then jealousy suddenly stabbed at her again. "But you could talk to Andie about it, is that it?" she spat, and got up off the couch.

He heaved a frustrated sigh, and made to follow her. "This. This is why. Every time Tamara comes up, you get jealous and angry, and it's impossible for us to have a simple conversation about her."

Joey spun around to face him. "Because nothing about the situation is simple, Pacey. And of course, I'm angry. The woman belongs in jail." Her throat tightened. "And yes, I'm jealous. I'm jealous of any woman who's ever been in your line of vision. Anyone you've ever touched before me! Okay? I admit it. I'm sorry!"

"I really don't need this right now, Jo." Shaking his head, he turned around and went back to the couch.

She frowned, her expression contrite, and she returned to the living room, taking the seat beside him. "I'm sorry, Pacey. I just want you to talk to me. Why… why did you come to my dorm last night?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just… I just needed you."

Tears stung her eyes. "You're right. I never… react the way I should where that woman is concerned. I mean, the very first thing I did after the rumors started flying was call you jailbait," she said, and he scoffed at the memory. "But I had thought it was just some stupid joke. When I found out the rumors were actually true… I made it all about me and how I felt about it, instead of trying to put myself in your shoes."

"It's okay, Joey." He reached for her hand.

"It's not. Have you ever been able to talk to someone about what happened? And I don't mean me or Andie. I mean… you know, an adult. When you had your sessions with Mr. Kapinos, did you ever talk about Ms. Jacobs?"

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head. "I never told anyone about her. I promised her I wouldn't."

She sucked on her bottom lip, and tried to keep her tone gentle. "Pacey, I'm sure you know by now that that isn't a promise you should keep."

Emotion tightened his throat. "You know, at the time… I had convinced myself that I was rapidly falling madly in love with her." He let out a bitter laugh. "God, I was so stupid."

"You were a kid. You were infatuated. You were having sex for the first time, with all sort of emotions and hormones and chemicals firing in your brain that you didn't know what do with."

"I wish it had never happened."

Joey sniffled, laid her head on his shoulder, and threaded her fingers through his. "I'm so sorry, Pacey."

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I'm not exactly innocent. It never would've happened if I hadn't…" He sighed.

"I don't feel sorry for you, Pacey. I feel for you. There's a difference."

"Anyway, I'm the one who's sorry. I'm sorry for how all this has affected you. That's the worst of it."

She lifted her head to look at him. "Me?"

"Yeah. I really wish you didn't feel jealous of Tamara. There's no need to be."

"Well… sometimes I can't help it. I mean, she… got to be with you, touch you. And you… touched her. The thought of you being with anyone else, and especially someone so undeserving of your affection… sometimes it makes me feel… crazy. You know, that there were people before me who you… loved, touched… things that are so intimate that are shared between the two of us, that I wish were only shared between the two of us."

Pacey shook his head. Tamara had tainted everything.

"Joey," he said, taking both her hands in his. "What we have… is so very special. The way I feel about you… I've never felt this way before, with anyone. And when we're… alone and intimate…" He smiled, gazing at her. "Jo, when we have sex, the way you make me feel… in here—" He took her hand and pressed her palm against his heart. "—and in here—" He lifted her hand from his chest and pressed it against the side of his head. "Nothing and no one before you can even come close. It's not even a comparison. No one could ever possibly compare."

She leaned forward and kissed him and felt the strength of his arms as they tightened around her, his lips gentle against hers. She kept kissing him, almost overwhelmed by a feeling of relief. She kissed him with all of her heart.

Then she pulled away, stood up from the couch, and held out her hand. "Make love to me."

Pacey didn't need to be asked twice.

Upstairs in the loft bedroom, he watched Joey as she closed the door behind them and then turned to look at him. Something beyond heat, beyond desire, rushed through him. It seemed as if the air cackled, as if she glowed. He reached for her, and putting his hands on her face, bent and kissed her. Kissed her full on the mouth with all the love and longing he felt for her. A roar came into his ears, the hugeness of his need for her, for the taste of those lips, and the sweet smell of her, and the feeling of her hands flying up around his neck.

The kiss blazed, igniting him and her, and they kissed with hungry, open-mouthed need. When dizziness overwhelmed him and he had to breathe, he pulled back and put his forehead against hers. Her hands fell to his wrists and he heard her breathing, felt it on his chin.

Pacey closed his eyes and opened them and she stood there, and he was flooded with a sense of deepest gratitude, a sense of relief so vast it nearly buckled his knees. He wasn't damaged goods to her. Despite his flaws and mistakes and the shitty things that had happened to him, she believed him worthy of her love, her respect, her friendship. He was going to spend the rest of his life proving her right.

He undressed himself and then her until she was left wearing only lace underwear. Joey's breathing was heavy, and her skin stood on end. Pacey slowly kissed her lips, then pressed his tongue against hers. She felt his fingertips run down her spine, leaving more erotic sensations in their wake.

He took hold of the lace and pulled on the only fabric separating them. His soft lips kissed down her stomach and made their way between her legs. He buried his face in her wetness and breathed in deeply. Oh, he loved that smell and taste. It was heaven. She quivered with desire as his tongue drove her to the brink. Her hands clenched his curly, brown hair—she couldn't resist him any longer.

"I want you," Joey said in a voice that demanded more.

Pacey's hand eagerly stroked her sensitive flesh as he made his way back to her mouth. And then they kissed, and kissed, and kissed some more. He just wanted feel close to her, feel their connection. He wanted to be inside her, deep inside her, feel her warm wetness. He wanted to make her shudder with pleasure again and again; he wanted to see pure ecstasy on her beautiful face.

They lay on his bed, and he settled between her legs. When he pressed the swollen head of his thick hardness against the warmest, softest part of her, she moaned in his ear. A shudder racked his entire body when he entered her in a deep thrust that took him home, and a groan of his own ripped from his throat with her tightness around him. With his own sensitive flesh buried in the velvety wetness he craved, the world disappeared.

Each touch, perfectly executed. He could feel all of her, and she could feel all of him. They satisfied every sensation they thirsted for. They stared into each other's eyes, feeling only love and passion running through their veins. He put his palm over her chest, and with each beat of her heart, he thrust deeper and deeper. They moved in one fluid motion as their minds and bodies became in sync.

Joey's body shuddered, shivering from head to toe, and he felt it—the energy and tension gathering in her body—and when she came, it nearly blasted him away, but she held him tight. Pacey kept slamming into her, working every last ripple of pleasure out of her, and when her cries reached their peak, he came like a lightning storm hitting his brain. His seed shot hot and hard into her, wave after wave, and he clung to her, thrusting through it. His orgasm was endless and emptying and everything he'd always wanted and more.

When the last wave had passed, when she was no longer arching under him, he felt like he'd been emptied of everything he was. All of it belonged to her.

They stayed joined for several long moments, breathing heavily, hearts pounding. As he began to soften, he pulled out of her. Pacey rested his head on Joey's chest, his breath washing her skin with warm air. She slid her fingers into his hair. He brought his hand up from his desperate hold on the bed and lightly caressed her breast, ending with rolling her nipple into a peak.

"Oh, my God," she said, breathless. "That was incredible."

He lifted his head from her chest and looked at her. She was staring up at the ceiling, eyes glazed, lips parted, cheeks flushed.

Grinning, he shifted to hover over her, and gazed down into her beautiful face. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

When Joey returned from the bathroom, she snuggled up on the bed with him. He was still too exhausted to move.

His arm came around her as she laid her head on his chest. He thought of his earlier conversation with Andie, those sessions with Mr. Kapinos, the process of trying to understand his own behavior. Suddenly he felt a twinge of guilt. "There's something else I feel like I should apologize for, Jo."

Her brows knitted curiously as she looked up at him. "What?"

Warmth flooded his cheeks, and he grinned sheepishly. "You know that lately I've been kinda… talking about us… maybe trying new things."

For a brief second, she wasn't sure what he was getting at, but then she blushed with understanding. "Uh, yeah."

Deep worry lines scored his forehead, and he frowned. "Well, I think that maybe I've been… kinda pushy."

"Pacey, no—"

"Just hear me out, Joey." He took a deep breath. "I have been a little pushy. When I brought up the subject, it was obvious you were uncomfortable with the idea. And even though I knew you became uncomfortable, later on I still… pushed. And that's not… not fair. It's not right."

"Pacey, stop. There is nothing that's happened between us… sexually… that I am uncomfortable with. You haven't crossed any line, any boundary. You haven't done anything I haven't wanted you to do."

"Well, I really need you to tell me if I do."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to experience new things together. I want that, too."

He smiled. "You do?"

She smirked shyly as his hand slid down her back to the curve of her ass and he gave it a good squeeze. "Yeah."

A sense of relief filled him. "You know, I think I was so… eager… because I'd never done that before, and it just felt new and exciting and I—"

"Wait, what? You mean you've never…"

He gave her ass another squeeze, and grinned. "Nope."

"Ms. Jacobs…?" she said hesitantly, not wanted to say the name.

He shook his head.

"Not even with Andie?"

Brows furrowing, Pacey's eyes went wide, and then he burst into laughter. He laughed so hard he wheezed like a broken accordion. He laughed so hard he was crying.

He wiped his eyes as his breathing returned to normal. "No, not with Andie."

"What, did she say no?"

"She didn't say anything. I knew better than to even ask," he said, and then he was laughing again.

Chuckling, Joey laid her head back on Pacey's chest. Then she smiled to herself. The thought of doing something new and different, sharing an experience that neither of them had ever had before, lessened the apprehension she still felt. The idea was scary in some ways, but also wonderful now that she knew he had never done it either. She still felt her hesitancy, but she also suddenly felt more open to trying it at least once because she trusted Pacey. She wanted to be open-minded, and she wanted to feel as close to him as possible.

He'd been able to give her so much, and the desire to give him something in return, to give him something no one else ever had—an experience that hadn't been stolen from him by someone who had no right to him—filled Joey with such love and a sense of joy and excitement.