A/N: This chapter contains sexually explicit material. Implied/Referenced Underage Sex and Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con trigger warnings apply to this chapter.
1998
September 18. The bell rang, dismissing third period English. Pacey slung his backpack over his shoulder and started to leave the classroom, trying not to look at Ms. Jacobs. He'd made it to the doorway when he heard his name called. Swallowing, he took a deep breath and turned around. Eventually his gaze made it up to her face. She'd worn a skirt short enough to make him uncomfortable. It was becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate in class and keep his hormones in check.
"Yes, Ms. Jacobs?"
There were still students filing out of the room, and she said nothing for a moment. He stepped closer to stand in front of her desk, and she finally spoke when they were alone.
"Are you going to the school dance tomorrow night?"
"No."
"I have to say I'm surprised by that. There must be plenty of girls in your class you could ask?"
"I'd ask you if you'd go with me."
She laughed, but her face had turned red and she lowered her gaze from his. "We both know that's ridiculous, Pacey."
"Do we?" he retorted, remembering the way she'd kissed him that night at the harbor, and frowning at the way she was acting like it had never happened.
She cleared her throat, and then finally looked up at him again. "Anyway, there must be some girl you could ask? Someone you have a crush on?"
"You know who I like, and apparently, I can't ask her, so…"
"Fair enough. Well, you could go with your friends. High school dances are a teenage rite of passage, and everyone should experience it at least once."
"I can honestly think of better ways to spend my Saturday night."
"Oh, well, I suppose I could say the same," she said, before looking down at the stack of papers on her desk.
He sighed when she said nothing more, believing the conversation to be over, and started to head for the doorway.
"Unfortunately, I have to be there to chaperone the dance."
He froze, and then spun around to stare at her.
She refused to look up at him. "It's too bad you won't be there, Pacey. I guess I'll just have to see you on Monday."
His face flushed hot and his heart started to pound. "Well... I… I mean, I could change my mind. I could… I could go to the dance, if you think I should…"
"You shouldn't do something you don't want to do, Pacey."
"No, I want to," he replied hastily.
A smile curved her lips, but she still wouldn't look up at him. His breathing was shallow, his heart continuing to hammer against his ribs. Before anything else could be said, the bell rang again, effectively dismissing him from the room.
The next night, Pacey stood in the school gymnasium, feeling just as confused and frustrated as ever. Savage Garden pumped through the speakers, and he didn't know why he was always surprised that school dances played such shit music. With Tamara now avoiding him, he unhappily meandered around the gym. He spotted Joey dancing with Dawson to a slow song, and something funny kicked at his stomach, but he pushed the jealous twinge away and rolled his eyes.
It was soon obvious that Ms. Jacobs was keeping her distance. Why had she even wanted him to come to the dance if this was how she was going to treat him once he was there? Feeling dejected, he sat down at an empty table and wallowed. He gulped down the last of his punch, and was spinning the empty cup on the tabletop when a voice pulled him from his reverie.
"What's up, Romeo?"
He lifted his face to see Joey Potter standing there, smirking at him in that condescending way of hers that made him either want to rant at her or kiss it off her face. Sometimes both.
"So, is the woman you dream about here?"
Pacey stared, trying to keep his gaze trained above her shoulders, which proved difficult with her standing over him. The way that shirt hugged her chest wasn't doing him any favors. "What?"
"You said the woman of your dreams was going to be at this dance tonight. Well, where is she?"
"Why do you care?"
"I don't. I'm just glad that woman isn't me."
"Don't worry, Potter. It's not." He lowered his gaze from hers, his stomach fluttering at the way she used to frequent his dreams before Tamara had entered the picture. He turned to watch kids dancing on the floor. "What is this music?"
"The Backstreet Boys?" she laughed. "Have you seriously never heard this song?"
"I don't listen to pop radio."
"Well, aren't you too cool for school."
"Like you're one to talk, Jo. You wore jeans to a dance."
"So did a lot of people here, Pacey."
"Yeah, guys."
She frowned and rolled her eyes, but said nothing. From the speakers overhead, some teen-boppy singer crooned, "Quit playing games with my heart," and Pacey laughed bitterly.
The song ended, and he turned to see Tamara talking to Mr. Gold in front of the punch bowl. A slow song started to play. An idea came to him, and he turned back to Joey. His gaze swept over her. She wasn't wearing a bra, as per usual. Jesus, what a body on her. As soon as she figured out what to do with it, she'd have guys eating out of the palm of her hand.
Despite the blue jeans, she was still the prettiest girl here. And she'd definitely make Tamara jealous. "Dance with me."
"Are you crazy?"
He stood up and grabbed her hands. "Joey, you have to dance with me. Please? This is important to me. I need your help."
Her eyes widened with panic for a moment, before she scowled. "You've obviously lost your brain just like Dawson."
He pulled her close, holding her tight despite her protests, and moved them onto the dance floor.
"I don't dance. Pacey, let me go."
"Sorry, no can do. At least for the next three minutes or so."
"I hate you," she sneered.
"Please, Joey. I'll pay you money, if you'll dance with me. I don't care if you hate me for the rest of your life, just dance with me right now."
"You actually want to dance with me? What is even happening?"
They danced by Ms. Jacobs, but he refused to look at her. Then he pulled Joey closer, another idea coming to mind. "Now don't get all hot and bothered, Potter. I just need to make her jealous."
He bent his head with the intention to kiss her. But before his lips could even make contact, she was hitting him and shoving him away from her.
"Jo, come on!" he pleaded as she ran out of the gym. "I'm sorry!"
Feeling even worse, Pacey collapsed back down in his chair at the empty table.
Time passed. He had no idea where Tamara was, and he felt miserable. He got up from the table and wandered around the gym. Then he saw her. She was standing alone next to the bleachers. Beyond her was the wall of shiny blue streamers that sectioned off the area of the gym with the doors that led down to the boys' and girls' locker rooms. She stared, locking eyes with him. There was heat in her gaze, but something else, too.
Nervousness.
Her eyes beckoned him like a silent siren song. As if in a trance, Pacey started walking towards her. She also began walking, towards the back of the gym, frequently glancing over her shoulder to make sure he was following. He was making a huge mistake and someplace in the back of his mind he knew it, but nothing short of an apocalypse could keep him away from her.
When they were through the curtain of shiny streamers that hung from the ceiling, cutting them off from view of the rest of the students and chaperones, she stopped walking and turned around. Then she leaned back against the wall between the locker room doors.
"Hello, Pacey," she said with a smile lifting one corner of her mouth.
"Tamara, I want to talk to you," he told her. "I want to talk about our relationship."
Suddenly the nervousness in her eyes ratcheted up to fear. "We don't have a relationship!" she urged quietly, looking about her to ensure no one else was around. She was worried—Pacey could see that.
"I'm a teacher here," she continued. "Please remember that."
"Did you remember that when you kissed me?" Pacey shot back.
"That was… a momentary lack of good judgment." He heard the words, but she stepped closer as she said them, her eyes telling him that perhaps it wasn't so momentary.
"Did you like kissing me?"
He saw heat return to her gaze rather than fear. The look in her eyes spoke the words she refused to say aloud. She was fighting the attraction. But he needed to hear her say it. He could see it, but it wasn't enough. She smiled slowly.
He grinned, knowing his smile was a little feral. "Is that a yes?"
A heartbeat.
"Yes."
She stepped even closer. He could feel her warm breath. Any closer, and they'd be touching. "Did you like kissing me?"
His face became red. His skin became hot. His body flared fully awake. "You know I did."
Her eyes were begging him to grab her face and kiss her. But then the nervousness returned, the fear. "I have to go talk to someone right now, Pacey. Please stay away from me."
And she walked quickly away. His brows furrowed and he frowned as he watched Tamara go. She'd told him she was going to be at the Rialto, encouraged him to check out the movie, and then acted put out when he actually showed up. She'd practically invited him to the dance. She'd wanted him to be there. She'd wanted to see him, spend time with him. And she'd wanted him to follow her to this part of the gym so they could be alone. That much was obvious, at least to him. But if she wanted him so much, why did she keep rejecting him?
She was tying him into knots.
2001
October 1. The drive back to Boston during rush hour was long, but reflective. Pacey was exhausted after spending an emotionally draining two hours with Mr. Kapinos. The past week since Tamara had made her sudden and unexpected reappearance had taken a toll on him. The trip to Capeside had ultimately been therapeutic, and there was now a lot for him to think about, not least of which was what he was going to do with the newfound understanding he had acquired.
It was after seven in the evening when Pacey arrived home. He walked into the loft apartment to see Joey there waiting for him. Her dark brown hair hung loose and wavy over her shoulders. Relief spread through him from head to toe.
"Hi, sweetheart," she smiled in greeting.
"Hey." He kissed her hello, a long and lingering press of his lips. He wrapped her in his arms, and she held him tight.
Joey pulled back just enough to look up at him, and he smiled down at her. "You were with Buzz this whole time?" she asked.
His mouth went dry, and he swallowed. His stomach fluttered. "Um, no. I, uh, I actually stopped at the high school to see Mr. Kapinos."
She sighed with visible relief. "And you… talked to him?"
He felt a sudden tightness in his throat, and he nodded.
"Oh, Pacey," she breathed, wrapping him in another tight embrace.
He pulled back to look at her. "You hungry?"
She blinked, not having expected the sudden change in subject. "Um… yeah, I'm starving."
"Okay," he smiled, his hands moving to rub her arms. "I'll make us something."
"You're not too tired to cook?"
He shook his head. "Nope. Cooking is very relaxing, actually. Great for stress relief. And I like cooking for you."
Joey sat at the island, watching Pacey work his magic in the kitchen, while she talked about Bessie and Bodie and Alexander and how the B&B was doing. Supper wasn't much, just spaghetti, but it was his favorite meal and it was delicious. After they finished eating, they went to the living room and sat together on the couch. He put his arm around her and kissed her.
"Tell me about your day."
She caressed his jaw and chin with her fingertips as she gazed into his blue eyes. "Well, I had biology class, and then I went to the library for a while. I got lunch with Audrey and Alan."
"Yeah? How are they doing?"
"Good. Audrey is excited about a date she has on Wednesday night with some guy she met at a frat party over the weekend. Alan's crush on Jack is alive and well."
Pacey chuckled. "Well, if I were Jack, I simply don't think I'd be able to resist."
Joey fought a smile, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "And after lunch, Alan and I started working on our projects that are due on Friday at art class."
He pulled her closer, and speared his fingers through her soft hair. She kissed his forehead.
"What's your project?" he asked, gazing at her.
"Sketch drawing. I'm working on a few ideas."
"And Alan's ideas?"
"He'd just draw a bunch of cocks if the professor would let him, if we're being honest."
Pacey laughed. "We gotta have him at the housewarming party."
She beamed, her fingers caressing his face, sliding down to tug on his earlobe. "You really like Alan, don't you?"
"Of course. What's not to like? He's fun to have around."
"He really likes you, too."
"How much does he like me?" he asked, arching a brow.
"Like, the normal, healthy amount that friendship requires."
"How come he has a crush on Jack, but not me? Is there something wrong with me?"
"Oh, my word," she giggled. "Jack is gay, Pacey. So, you know, if we're talking about Alan having a chance at romance, he's got a much better one with Jack."
"But let's say that I was gay, and Alan had a chance, then he would probably have a crush on me?" he asked, his tone hopeful.
Snorting, Joey shook her head. "Great. Do I have to be jealous of Alan Napier now, too?" she teased, sticking out her tongue.
He laughed breathlessly, but at the mention of her jealousy, he frowned. The air subtly changed, becoming serious.
Pacey sighed deeply. "I, um… I want to tell you what I talked about with Mr. Kapinos… about my history with Tamara, and everything that happened, but… I don't want you to get upset. I know it won't be easy to hear. I mean, it's not that easy to talk about, Jo."
She reached for his hand, giving him a squeeze. "I won't get upset. I want you to be able to talk to me, Pace. I'm angry, of course, at what Ms. Jacobs did to you, and I know I have no reason to be jealous, but…"
Her smile faltered. "And I'm sorry that I react that way when I don't need to. I know, deep down, that I don't need to, but when compared to a grown woman, who's so much more experienced in certain areas…" She sighed.
He brushed the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. Pacey frowned in sympathy, remembering his conversation with Doug that he'd had that day in the laundromat, calling to mind the possible reasons underneath all her insecurities and jealousies. "You really don't need to compare yourself to her, or anyone. There is no comparison. No woman in my life—past, present, or future—could ever compare to you."
She smiled, and he held her hand, bringing it up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her soft skin. "Joey… the few weeks that I was… involved… with Tamara… has nothing, nothing, on what we share. And if it's the sexual side of it that you're insecure about…" A slight grin curved one corner of his mouth. "Well, she's got nothin' on you. I need you to know that, and… believe it."
"I know, Pacey," she breathed. Tears pricked her eyes as she looked at him. "I'm so, so glad that you went to see Mr. Kapinos. I want to hear all about it. Tell me." She squeezed his hand reassuringly.
He took a deep breath. He began to speak slowly and carefully, and then he poured his heart out to his best friend in the whole world for the next thirty minutes. He told her everything, from how the ordeal with Tamara first started, to the woman showing up at the restaurant and wanting to work there. He told her all the ways that Mr. Kapinos had opened his eyes to Ms. Jacobs' behavior, and why he had done the things he did, felt the way he had.
All Joey did was listen this time. There were tears, words of anger and doubt, and finally, when Pacey was exhausted, just silence. He found it a complete relief, just as when he'd confessed the whole truth to Mr. Kapinos, and sensed that somewhere along the line, more of the burden had been lifted. She felt privileged to sit and listen to his troubles, to have him open up and unload these things that had weighed him down for so long.
"Anyway, he wants to see me again tomorrow afternoon."
"That's good." She wanted to broach the subject, but she hesitated, not wanting to upset him. "So… where do you go from here? Once you've talked it all out with Mr. Kapinos?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean… what are you going to do about her?"
His stomach clenched. "Well, she's not going to be working at the restaurant. Fingers crossed I'll never have to see her again."
She nervously played with her fingers. "I can see why you'd feel that way, Pacey, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but… maybe you should see her. Maybe she needs to hear what you have to say. Maybe you need to tell her how much it affected you, what she did. Make her own up to it, take responsibility."
"Why? So, I can get the apology I deserve?" he scoffed. He really didn't want to see Tamara again. Or maybe he did.
"An apology is the very least you deserve, Pacey." She chewed on her bottom lip. "Maybe… maybe you should tell Doug what really happened."
His eyes went wide, his mouth falling open, his mind vividly recalling all that had transpired with his brother where Tamara was involved. "I… don't know if that would go over very well."
"Pacey, he thinks you lied about Ms. Jacobs. The whole town thinks you made it all up."
"No, they don't," he replied darkly. "Plenty of them wholeheartedly believe I screwed my teacher."
She frowned, memories coming to mind of random Capesiders recognizing him as 'the Witter kid,' sometimes making disparaging remarks alluding to the Ms. Jacobs incident. Men treating him like a hero. Women staring at him with either disdain or sexual curiosity, both reactions anger-inducing. And then of course, there was all the kids in school who either believed Pacey to be a pervert who regularly had sex with adults—no doubt thanks to the bullshit that Abby Morgan spread around school—or a scumbag who'd lie about having sex with women to ruin their reputation. Who knew what the other teachers thought of him? It was possible this scandal so early into his sophomore year shaped how all his teachers viewed him going forward—affected their attitudes about him, the way they treated him, the lack of support they gave.
"My point is, your family doesn't know this happened to you. Maybe… maybe they should. You know, maybe Doug or your dad could do something about it…"
"Like what? Arrest her?" His stomach twisted.
Her brows rose as she shrugged. "Well…"
Pacey leaned forward, his head in his hands. "She doesn't belong in jail."
"Why? What is one good reason she doesn't? Why should you be the one who shoulders all the blame? Who has to live with the humiliation while she goes off and marries a millionaire? Why should you be the only one with consequences? It wasn't even your fault! You didn't do anything wrong, Pacey."
Tears stung his eyes. "I did plenty wrong."
"But… she persuaded you to do it. Isn't that what Mr. Kapinos said? That she created moments to entice you on purpose, and then she could play the innocent victim by trying to resist you when you acted exactly the way she wanted you to? She was playing a game. And then she just leaves town, leaving you to deal with the aftermath by yourself. What kind of adult lets a fifteen-year-old take the fall for her own wrongdoing? And what if you're not the only one? Maybe she's done this to other boys."
Pacey had no idea what to say to that. He could only shake his head. Emotion seized his throat. Tears blurred his vision. "I wish it had never happened. I wish I'd never done it. I'd give anything to go back and choose differently."
Joey sniffled, and moved closer, pressing her cheek to his shoulder as her arm slid across his back, hugging him around his waist. "We all have things we wish we could go back and do differently, Pace. But we can't change the past. How many times have you said that to me, huh?" She rubbed his arm reassuringly. "The only thing we can do is decide what's best to do right now, and hopefully learn from the past so we can make better choices in the future."
He nodded in silent agreement. Exhausted, he couldn't bring himself to continue the conversation. Sensing his emotional fatigue, Joey dropped the subject, feeling it was best to just let him think it over for a while.
They didn't speak much for the rest of the evening, but occasionally shared long looks and soft kisses while they cuddled on the couch. They were sitting on the couch watching television together when Joey fell asleep on his shoulder. Pacey smiled and kissed her forehead as he tried to rouse her. "Come on, Kitten. Let's go to bed."
He switched off the television. She groaned as he pulled her up off the couch. "Can you carry me, Pacey?" she asked sweetly, her eyes half-lidded with sleep.
Laughing breathlessly, he picked her up and started carrying her upstairs.
"Why am I such a sucker?" he muttered, and she kissed his neck. "Oh, that's why."
She grinned sleepily and thanked him as he laid her down and helped her pull off her clothes, leaving her pair of black cotton underwear on, before draping the covers over her. Pacey changed out of his own clothes and got in bed beside her. He threw his arm over her, spooning her, holding her tight to his body, and was asleep in minutes.
Tamara Jacobs was standing over by the refreshment table, staring at him, taunting him with her eyes. He desperately turned to Joey, standing beside him in her light blue jeans and that top that hugged her in a way that made it very difficult not to stare at her chest.
"Dance with me," he pleaded.
"Are you crazy?"
He grabbed her hands. "Joey, you have to dance with me. Please? This is important. I need your help. Please help me. Please."
Her eyes widened with panic for a moment, and then her gaze softened. "Okay, I'll help you, Pacey."
Joey placed her soft hand in his, and he walked with her to the dance floor. He couldn't hear the music, but faceless, nameless couples danced around them. He held her waist, and she placed her hands on his shoulders as they began to move together. They gazed into each other's eyes.
"You need to stay away from Ms. Jacobs," she told him. "Can't you see she's just playing with you? She doesn't care about you, or what this will do to you. Pacey, you shouldn't—"
He leaned in and kissed Joey. He couldn't help himself. He wanted to be with her—if she'd let him.
The kiss only lasted a few seconds before she pulled away. "Don't do that."
"What?" he asked, teasing her.
"Kiss me when I'm trying to make a point."
"You already made your point, and besides, I like it when you scold me because you're jealous. It's cute."
"I'm not jealous. And cute has got nothing to do with—"
He kissed her again. This time she leaned in and kissed him back. She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "You have to stop doing that," she told him, a sweet little grin turning up those gorgeous lips of hers.
"Doing what?"
"Kissing me."
"I don't want to stop kissing you."
"You're just trying to make Ms. Jacobs jealous."
"I don't care about her. You're the one I want. The only one I've ever wanted, for as long as I can remember." He leaned in to kiss her again, but she nudged him. "What's wrong?"
"We're in a public place."
"So?"
"So… people will talk."
He looked around at the other dancing couples. He had no idea where Tamara was, and he didn't care. "No one is even looking at us, Jo."
"They will be if this keeps up."
"I don't want to stop." He bent his head and kissed her neck, and the scent of her skin sent a rush of heat over his body.
"What do you want from me?"
"You. I just want you."
He looked at her again, and this time, she kissed him. Her lips slowly moved on his as if she were waiting for him to take control. He deepened the kiss, putting his arm around her shoulder, cupping the back of her head to pull her closer. He felt himself growing hard, and he ran his other hand down her arm, to her waist.
Joey stepped back from him. "If you're going to kiss me like that, can we at least go someplace less public?"
"Just point me in the right secluded direction, and I'm there."
"Follow me." She took hold of his hand. "How about the ruins? I think you once said it was a lush and romantic place, and very private. We can go there. I hope you didn't forget to bring condoms."
In an instant, the dance faded away and they were at the ruins. In her eyes he saw a gleam of desire. Something had changed Joey's attitude towards him, but he didn't know what that was. He saw the invitation in her eyes, and kissed her mouth. She kissed him back with enthusiasm. They kissed again, and as twilight rose, they lay down on the grass, kissing in each other's arms. Everything was symphonic and miraculous, and in another instant, they were naked and moving together in a rhythm that quickly escalated until they found their relief. They lay out of breath as he kissed her breasts tenderly, and she held his largeness in her two hands. She slowly stroked him, and in moments, he was fully hard again.
He was beyond happiness. Could it be that she loved him? Limbs entwined, hearts thundering, he wrapped her in his arms, and he kept thrusting, wanting to spill years of yearning into her. He came again as she released him from her passionate kisses. And Joey held him to her until her spasms finally drained him of everything except a feeling of overwhelming joy and peace.
And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt as if everything was right in the world.
Pacey came awake, his body drenched in sweat. The dream was fading away like sand slipping through his fingers, but his heart ached for what had never been. For what should have been. If only he could go back and make different choices. If only the choices he made had spawned a much better memory of the ruins.
He lay there, his body throbbing. He was rock hard and his need for release was a physical ache. He turned to the woman he loved lying beside him, the woman of his dreams. "Joey. I need you."
He sounded hoarse and raw, and she could hear the emotion in his voice. When he reached for her in the darkness, her response was immediate, her love for him undeniable. Her heart yearned to comfort him, to soothe his suffering. Their clothes were tossed to the floor. Joey covered his body with hers, as with a shield, her arms holding him tightly, her lips pressed upon his. How badly she wished she could kiss away his past and drive out the pain and sadness she knew haunted him.
The mattress sighed smoothly with their combined weight. He held her in his arms. He kissed her deeply, stroked her until she was wet and ready and writhing above him.
"Ride me," Pacey whispered, gripping her hips and lifting her up.
She stretched around him as he guided her around the swollen head of his cock, down further, filling her pussy with heat. She slid down slowly, pushing him into a swimming sea of warmth, opening for him, taking his hard cock deep inside her, enveloping him, wiping coherent thought from his mind. She sank down until her ass met his thighs and the both of them were groaning. When she started really moving, he gasped. Lips he'd made swollen with kisses parted. Brown eyes that had roamed over each nude inch of him glazed and rolled back, half closing.
Hungry and yearning, Pacey slid both hands around the smooth quivering skin of her backside, then tightened his fingers, pulling her closer, pulling her down each inch, his every last nerve dancing. A switch inside turned on, and heated jolts pulsed to his groin. Sensations overwhelmed him. The soft torture of her soft palms on his chest. The burning agony as her fingers brushed his nipples. She was grasping his ribcage as she lowered herself, taking him all the way.
Suddenly she leaned, crouching forward, her breasts touching his chest—swaying, grazing, sweeping. Nipples on nipples. He gasped. He cupped a bouncing breast, bringing her nipple to his mouth as she rode him. Pleasure shot through her body as she moved faster and faster upon his hardened length, and pressed the full weight of her small full breast into his mouth. She was tighter, wetter, hotter. About to come. When her internal muscles clutched around him, he gritted his teeth, fighting not to explode. She was so close, but it seemed to be taking longer than usual.
"Can you get off, Jo?" he managed, his voice barely audible. Maybe she was too lost tonight, her mood not right. "Come on, sweetheart."
"I'm trying." Her face contorted with erotic agony, rocking her hips towards the release she craved.
He decided to help her along. "I love your body, Joey. I love you. You are so soft and beautiful. God, this pussy. The softest. The hottest. The tightest. The wettest. The best. Nobody can compare to you. Nothing and no one ever felt as good as you. You feel better than anything I'd ever even dreamed of."
His words set a rampage of sensations loose in her body. She was engulfed in flames. Her head burned with lust. Her inner muscles coiled tight, and she made desperate needy sounds. But her orgasm was hovering just out of reach.
"Who are you so wet for?" he asked, his voice a husky whisper.
"You," she said, her legs quivering. "Only you."
"Don't ever forget that," he replied gruffly, enjoying how beautifully she surrendered to her desire for him.
Her pretty brown eyes dilated with heat and hunger as she rode him. "You're so fucking hard," she whimpered.
"That's for you, Jo. All for you. Only you."
"Don't ever forget it," she said with a smirk, her throaty words a mimic of his own.
Brushing hair from her face, he clenched the strands, using them to drag her mouth down to his for an all-tongue kiss. "Nobody ever made love to me like this," he assured, his voice energizing her, quickening her movements. "Nobody."
Her thigh muscles rippled, each brush of skin reducing him to carnal need, and yet it wasn't just lust, but so much more. He lifted his hips, pushing his cock deeper. Uttering a nonsensical sound, one hand found her waist, while the other glided over her ass.
"Oh, yes," she gasped when he slicked a finger in her wetness and pressed against her tight ring of muscle, exerting pressure and making her legs shake as he thrust up into her. How could he hold back when she gloved him in hot, wet heaven? He pressed a little harder, rubbing in firm circles, her sensitive nerve endings giving off sparks of pleasure.
Her entire body clenched with need, and any fear or anxiety or embarrassment she felt melted away. "You can do it, Pacey."
His eyes went wide. Blood started pounding in his ears. "Really?"
"Really," she whimpered. "Do it. I want you to."
He used his fingers to spread her wetness around her asshole. He pressed his finger against her anus until she relaxed it enough for him to enter. He pushed inside, slowly starting to penetrate, working against the tight, virgin resistance he found there. "Fuck," he bit out, feeling himself through the thin membrane between his finger and cock.
He thrust his finger inside her, growling at her heat and tightness, imagining how it would feel to have his cock sheathed there instead. Joey tightened around him. Her mewling sounds became more desperate. She was now so wet, her heat was flooding from her body and dripping down his balls. Pacey couldn't get enough. His cock hardened to steel.
She felt the stretch of his finger, an uncomfortable sensation at first that soon became an enjoyable one. The pressure was intense. Even though something in her brain still shouted this was wrong, raw lust, flagrant need, and shameless arousal battered her. Why did something so dirty have to feel so damn good? His finger rotated against her inner walls, stretching her, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she groaned. No one had to tell Joey that was for her future role in containing Pacey's much larger length and size. She wanted more there, yet it overwhelmed her, too.
But the thought made her burn even hotter. "More." She whimpered, a sound of pleasure-pain when he eased his finger in up to the knuckle, and she felt herself grow even wetter.
His other hand slid between their bodies, and Pacey groaned at how wet and swollen she was. He pressed his fingers to her clit, giving her extra pressure to ride against. Riotous pleasure tore through her body. That delicious, indescribable feeling spread through her, starting in her thighs and flowing to her pussy, belly, and breasts. She picked up the pace, riding his cock faster, harder, pushing herself closer to the edge, and he kept his finger in her ass, pushing against some sweet spot she had never known even existed.
She could feel the orgasm coming like a tidal wave racing toward shore. "Oh, Pacey!"
"That's it, sweetheart," he growled in that velvet, husky voice that made every nerve ending in her body sizzle. "Say my name."
She did as he asked, moaning his name again and again as pleasure rippled through her body.
"God, you're so hot," he rasped. "You're so fucking sexy."
Between his filthy words and his naughty hands and the huge cock thrusting inside her, in less than a minute, she fell forward against him. Her face close to his, suddenly she went taut all over, and just as suddenly convulsed and screamed as the tension finally burst, clutching his shoulders as she rode out the waves of pleasure.
He continued to thrust deeply inside her, his cock and his hands pushing her again up the slope to the tip of another peak. She came a second time, and on a wave of palpitations and lustful cries, Pacey stiffened and gave a long groan as the luscious relief of release claimed him, too. Nothing on earth could ever feel this good. She was his life, the very air he breathed. There would never be anyone else for him. He would never let her go.
When he moaned her name, filling her with his warm, wet seed, the joyous high touched her soul as her insides convulsed with orgasmic delight. She felt every throb of his cock as her core clamped down on him. Her pussy tightened from the sweet stimulation, milking every last drop from his pulsing length buried deep inside her. "Fuck... oh fuck..." Pacey gasped.
Even more than lust, it expanded emotion, the deep love they had for each other, and he stayed inside her, barely moving, his arms moving around her back to hold her against him, her legs stretching, twining around his. Laying her cheek on his chest, Joey steadied her panting breath, feeling completely spent and utterly satisfied.
And best of all, there wasn't a trace of fear or anxiety or shame in the heart that pounded against her ribs, which was exactly why she craved him so much, why she loved him so much.
"Oh, my God."
Pacey stared up at the starry ceiling, dazed, his head in a fog of bliss. "My God, too," he chuckled. "That was… I don't know what that was, but… it was amazing," he whispered, before looking at her. She looked up to meet his gaze, and smiled.
"You always amaze me, Jo. You're a freakin' goddess. How did I get so lucky?"
"I keep telling you, Pace. I'm the lucky one. You amaze me," she said, and pressed her lips to his, her tongue sliding against his in a soft, tender caress.
After returning from the bathroom, they cuddled up. His arms came around her, and she curled up against his chest. She was asleep in minutes. He pulled the covers around her shoulders and finger-combed the tangled strands of her hair. Then he closed his eyes, and followed her into unconsciousness.
When Pacey woke again, he thought only minutes had passed, but as his eyelashes fluttered, he realized it was light outside and he had slept all night. He turned to look at the clock. Amazing, he thought. It was the first night since Tamara had shown up at the restaurant that he'd slept a full eight hours.
There was a note on his bedside stand.
"Class this morning. I'll be over later when you get back from Capeside. Call me if you need me. I love you. ~ Joey
P.S. Last night was incredible."
He read her note several more times, smiling as his cheeks warmed. He showered and dressed, then came downstairs to find Gretchen in the kitchen. After pouring himself a bowl of cereal, they discussed their plans for a housewarming party.
"Um… can I borrow your car again, Gretch?" he asked as he set his empty bowl down in the kitchen sink. "I need to be in Capeside by three o'clock."
"You made plans to see Buzz again today?"
He swallowed, shaking his head. "Uh, no. There's just something I gotta do."
"Which is…?"
"I… have an appointment." His sister knew he'd seen Mr. Kapinos every week for months last spring, but to tell her he was seeing the counselor again would only mean questions. Questions he wasn't ready to answer right now. He wasn't sure whether it was better for his family to believe he'd merely spread a rumor about his English teacher, or if the relationship had actually happened. He didn't want his sisters to look at him differently. He didn't know which was worse.
"Don't you have to work tonight, Pace?"
"Nope. I'm down to five nights this week, Wednesday to Sunday."
"So, what's the appointment for?"
"Why do you need to know?"
"You're borrowing my car, Pacey. Are you seriously not going to tell me? Since when are you secretive?"
His eyes narrowed. "I don't know, Gretch. I guess I could ask you the same thing. What about Charlie, huh?" Her face flushed and she walked out of the kitchen. He shook his head. "You know, I was gonna invite some of my coworkers to the housewarming party. Like, Jean-Claude and his family, John and… Charlotte. That's cool, right?"
Gretchen didn't respond right away. "Sure, why not?" she finally said as she dropped her keys on the island in front of him. Unable to meet his eye, she turned and retreated to her bedroom. He stared after her, wishing she'd tell him about Charlie. He had no idea why she wouldn't open up about it, why she refused to tell him.
Ten minutes before three, Pacey was pulling into the Capeside High School visitor parking lot. From there, he walked inside and made for the psychologist's office. Seated on the couch, Mr. Kapinos took his usual armchair and began the conversation with some brief small talk.
"Okay, so, I wanted to talk today, Pacey, about what happened once your relationship with Miss Jacobs came to light. How did she react to learning the secret was out?"
He took a deep breath, shaking his head at the memory. "She was… angry with me, and she, you know, ended it between us."
"She blamed you?"
"Well, I'm the reason everyone found out. She didn't tell anyone about us, it was me. I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut."
Tom shot him a look. "What have I told you about using negative words to describe yourself?"
Closing his eyes, he heaved a sigh. "I know. You're right."
"Pacey, have you considered the idea that it was a good thing for you to open your mouth and share the secret? That it was a good thing that people found out, especially the school's administration? That this was the natural and rightful consequences for Miss Jacobs engaging in this kind of inappropriate and illegal behavior with one of her students?"
Tears stung his eyes.
"Pacey, you have to stop shouldering the blame and responsibility for this. It was not your fault. None of it was your fault. She played you like a fiddle, and left you to deal with the mess she caused. A fifteen-year-old child who was simply incapable of coping with the situation."
"I coped just fine. She left, the school board dropped the whole thing, and I moved on."
"You puked your guts out after seeing her again. I don't think you coped at all. I think you simply ignored it and pushed it from your mind because you couldn't cope."
He crossed his arms in front of his chest and said nothing.
"Why did you fall on your own sword to keep her from having to face the consequences of her actions?"
"I didn't want her to get in trouble. Like I said, I… believed… I was to blame for all of it. And for her to lose her job or go to jail just because of me…" His throat tightened.
Mr. Kapinos folded his hands in his lap. "She deserved to lose her job. She deserved to go to jail. Not because of you. Because of her own actions. Because of what she did. And the fact she came back to Capeside months later, incapable of staying away from you, like she knew she should. The fact that she came back to sell a property to Mitch Leery, the father of your best friend. Do you think that was just some coincidence? Do you think there were no other jobs she could have taken instead? That whatever agency she worked for couldn't have sent someone else to handle that property?"
The counselor sighed. "She didn't come back to Capeside to work. She came back to see you. She knew you would find out she was in town. She knew you would seek her out. It was manipulation to turn you, once again, into the so-called pursuer. It was predatory behavior."
He could only shake his head. The idea of Tamara sitting in a jail cell, and just over him…
"Pacey, do you believe adults who prey on minors should go to prison?"
"Of course," he said, feeling himself get defensive, unable to look Mr. Kapinos in the eye.
"Why is Tamara any different?"
His chin quivered.
"We have to get to the bottom of this. Why is Tamara any different from all the other adults who have preyed on children? Who abused their position of authority to gratify their own sick desires, regardless of what it would do to the young people they were preying on?"
When Pacey didn't answer, Tom sighed and remained quiet a moment. "Maybe I'm not asking the right question. Do you believe children who are abused have the right to make their abusers answer for what they did to them?"
He could only nod, still unable to meet the counselor's steady gaze.
"Why are you any different, Pacey?" Mr. Kapinos asked gently.
A raw emotional wound, deep inside him, began to throb, threatening to spill out. His breathing quickened. His eyes stung and his throat thickened with tears. Pacey blinked hard. "I'm not…" he choked. "I'm not worth it."
"Oh, Pacey…" Tom sighed, sympathy etching across his features.
The counselor shook his head. "This is the tragedy of low self-esteem. It doesn't matter how much other people compliment you or support you if you believe in your heart of hearts that you are not worthy. And you grew up in an environment that did not support you, that did not help you build healthy self-esteem. It was an environment that only tore you down and caused you pain.
"Do you see how you were easily manipulated by Miss Jacobs, an adult—an authority figure—who offered some semblance of the affection and approval your family deprived you of?"
Pacey leaned over, elbows going to his knees, and closed his eyes, fighting against all that emotion within him, rising up.
"You've carried the burden of this long enough. It's time for the right person to take responsibility for this. To face the consequences. And I think deep down you know that, and that's why you came to see me."
His face was burning, his stomach was in knots. He knew where this was heading, and he didn't feel good about it.
"If I become aware that a crime has been committed, whether it's a student or a member of the faculty, I have to report it. It's required by law. I will have to tell the principal. He, in turn, will inform the school board, and they will, in turn, decide whether or not to get the authorities involved. If they do, then it will be up to the sheriff's department and the district attorney's office whether or not to pursue charges against Miss Jacobs."
Pacey abruptly stood up, staring at the counselor. "I… don't want to be involved in this. I… I can't."
"I know you don't, and it's very likely your involvement will be minimal. If the sheriff's department gets involved, they may want you to make a statement. And I know that holds much more weight for you than somebody else, given your father's position as well as your brother's, and the complicated nature of your relationship with them."
"When are you going to tell Principal Peskin?"
"I can give you until the end of the day Monday to give you time to speak to the people you need to speak to."
He blinked, his brows furrowing. "I didn't want this. I can't…" His heart thundered inside his chest as he walked towards the door. He felt like he was panicking. "I know what you're saying, and I… get it, I do. But I don't think Tamara deserves to have the law come down on her."
"Pacey, I can't stay silent. You knew that before you walked into my office."
"Maybe… maybe if I just talk to her. I'm sure she feels sorry for what she's done and… just me settle it between the two of us. This… this could ruin everything for her. I don't want… I can't live with that for the rest of my life."
"Pacey, you're already going to live with this for the rest of your life. It's shaped who you are, it's affected your relationships with others. You've dealt with consequences you didn't rightfully deserve. Miss Jacobs hasn't. Why do you keep shielding her? She doesn't deserve your loyalty. She crossed boundaries that should never have been crossed. She violated her role as your educator—a position of authority, that from a very young age, children are taught to trust without question. She betrayed that trust. She betrayed you."
His heart was in his throat. He knew the man was right, and yet he felt nothing but pure, unadulterated panic.
"My advice to you, Pacey?" Mr. Kapinos called out to him, and with his hand on the doorknob, he turned to meet his counselor's gaze.
"Talk to your family and tell them the whole truth of the matter before the school board blindsides them. It will be much better coming from you. Besides, you have the right to truth and justice. They've believed this long in a lie, a lie that did you harm in many ways, a lie that has eaten away at you, despite the fact you tried your best to ignore it. I can help you, if you want. We can always meet in my office with your parents and tell them together. I can be here to give you the support you need, and anyone else you want to be here with you. It will be important to surround yourself with a good support system."
Later that night, with Joey sleeping next to him, Pacey lay awake. Sleep eluded him. He lay wide-eyed in the darkness, the starry ceiling glittering above him, thinking ahead, afraid, but with hope. He pondered the choices he'd made and how those choices had affected his life. He thought of Tamara's actions, and where her life had led her, wondering if she'd been just as negatively affected as he had been.
In his heart, he knew Mr. Kapinos was right. He knew Joey was right, too.
An hour after she drifted off, his girlfriend stirred in bed and searched for his warmth, having rolled away from him during sleep. She hooked one leg around his narrow hips and draped her arm around his waist, and her bare breasts pressed against him as she snuggled to get comfortable. "I can't sleep well without you holding me," she mumbled.
Pacey smiled at her words, loving the feeling of protective pride they brought on. Only he could soothe her, pleasure her. Only he was meant to touch her, make love to her. She belonged to him, just as he belonged to her and only her.
"Jo?" he whispered in the dark.
She hummed against his skin. A smile tugged at her mouth. Her hand slid down his flat stomach, inside his boxers, and gave his penis a gentle squeeze. Even flaccid, he was thick, long, and mouth-wateringly beautiful. "Change your mind?" she murmured, pressing her lips to his chest.
"No. I, um… maybe in the morning."
"Okay," she sighed, her breath a warm caress. She removed her hand from his boxers and her arm went around him to hold him close.
"Jo?" he whispered again.
This time her eyes opened, and she lifted her head. "You okay, Pace?"
He swallowed against the tightness in his throat. "I think you were right… that I should talk to Tamara about what happened."
Joey raised her hand to softly caress his face, touching his chin and turning his head to look at her. "Are you sure that's what you really wanna do?"
Their eyes met and held. "Yes. Can you go with me?"
"Of course." Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and she studied his face. He seemed to be more awake than he should. "Can't sleep?"
"No."
"I can think of a cure for that," she grinned suggestively.
Warmth flooded his face, and he felt desire begin to stir in his groin. "Yeah? And what did you have in mind?"
"Just lie back and let me take care of you."
Joey slid beneath the covers, disappearing from view. Closing his eyes, Pacey rested against the pillow. Minutes later, they were both moaning as her hot, wet mouth and perfect hands worked his hard cock, milking him until he spilled into her in one giant release. His mind was in a heavy fog of satisfaction as she slid back up to stretch out beside him, once again throwing a leg over his hips.
"What about you?" he asked, breathing heavily, his fingers languidly caressing the soft skin of her back.
"I came."
"Okay, good," he sighed, and she laughed.
Pacey's eyes closed, and with Joey holding him close, he finally started to drift off to sleep.
October 4. It was almost nine-thirty on Thursday when Sara the hostess popped through the double doors to inform Pacey that he had a phone call. His brows furrowed curiously as he removed his apron, washed his hands, and then walked out of the kitchen. The manager's office was closed and locked, Amanda Moore having gone home two hours ago, and he stared at it as he walked by.
He still hadn't figured out how to contact Tamara Jacobs without raising eyebrows. He'd asked Amanda yesterday if she'd actually filled out an application, but Tamara hadn't. He assumed Mr. O'Donnell's phone number was on the manager's desk, but he hadn't been able to get into the office to check. Either James or Amanda were always in there, and he didn't want to draw that kind of attention. He had a strong feeling they wouldn't approve of him reaching out to Tamara. They were going to be away most of the day tomorrow for an investors' meeting, and he was hoping Chef Tucci would need to open the office at some point, and he could look through the rolodex. But he also had no idea what the hell he'd even say if he did get the number and Joseph O'Donnell answered his call.
He reached the hostess stand at the front of the restaurant and picked up the cordless receiver. "Hello?"
"Pacey?"
The sound of the familiar voice made his blood go a little cold. His mouth went dry, and he swallowed. "Tamara."
"How are you?"
"Fine," he lied.
"It was good seeing you the other night, despite the shock."
Had that really been almost two weeks ago? "It was definitely a surprise," he said.
"I was wondering…" Tamara paused. "I'd really like to see you again. You know, under better circumstances. We didn't really have the opportunity to talk and catch up."
"No, we didn't."
"Are you free tomorrow, Pacey? Can we meet for lunch? I need to see you… talk to you."
His heart thundered in his chest, and his palms grew damp. "Um…" He cleared his throat. "Sure. Where?"
"Well, I'm not exactly sure. I don't think anywhere downtown would be a good idea, anywhere near your work. Joe… knows so many people in the city, you understand."
He clenched his jaw, wondering what exactly she wanted to talk to him about. "I understand perfectly, Tamara."
She gave a nervous laugh. "Well…"
"How about Southie? Probably not a neighborhood your fiancé frequents, am I right?"
"Well, no, he doesn't spend much time in South Boston…"
"The L Street Tavern on Eighth Street. Will that work?" he asked. "Do you know where that is?"
"I'm sure I can find it, Pacey," she replied.
The sound of his name on her lips poured cold-hot chills down his spine. He recognized the sound. It was her bedroom voice, low and velvety. Designed to soften, entice. The one she had used years ago when she was playing some sort of game with him, but damned if he had known the rules. Didn't matter. He wasn't playing anymore. The game was over.
"Will noon work for you?"
He rubbed his hand over his mouth, and breathed deep. "Yeah. That's fine. I'll see you then."
"Goodbye, Pacey."
That voice again. He cringed as he hung up the phone.
On Friday, it was just past eleven-thirty when Pacey met Joey outside his apartment building. He was there waiting when the city bus stopped in front. He boarded and slid into her seat, sitting down beside her. She kissed him hello before wrapping him in a warm embrace.
"How are you feeling?" she asked as she pulled back to look at him.
"Nervous," he answered shakily.
The bus started moving. Joey reached for his hand and threaded their fingers. He squeezed as he locked his grip. It wasn't long before they reached their destination further down Eighth, and got off the bus in front Sal's Pizzeria. The tavern was directly across the street.
Pacey glanced at his watch. It was almost noon. It was likely Tamara was already inside. His throat tightened. His stomach churned. But his grip on Joey's hand loosened. Whatever Tamara had to say, he now wasn't so sure he wanted anyone else to hear it. He turned to look at his girlfriend with a hesitant expression, and swallowed.
"Jo…"
Their eyes met and held. She knew. "It's okay, Pace," she said softly, squeezing his hand. "I'll just pop into Sal's and order some pizza. Just come over when you're done."
"Order enough for the both of us. I'm not eating lunch with her. I'm gonna say what I have to say, and that's it."
He kissed her, and then left her to walk across the street. Inside the tavern, he gave the place a quick once-over. He was right—Tamara was already there waiting for him at a table by one of the large windows overlooking the street. She was drinking a cocktail. The sight of her made his mouth dry up. His chest tightened with anxiety. She smiled when she saw him approach. His usually well-controlled heartbeat raced as she stood up to greet him.
"Hi, Pacey," she said, her eyes twinkling, her voice warm. The way she gazed at him made it clear she remembered him fondly.
"Hi, Tamara."
An awkward silence sprung up between them, and Pacey took a seat at the table across from her.
"So, how have you been?" she said after reclaiming her seat.
"All right. How about you?"
"Good. Really good."
His jaw clenched.
A waitress appeared at the table. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
"Just water is fine," he answered.
"Are you sure you don't want anything else?" Tamara prodded, but he only shook his head.
Pacey thanked the waitress as she filled his water glass, and then watched her walk away from the table.
Tamara smiled knowingly. "I saw you were with a girl outside."
"My girlfriend, Joey."
"And how long have you been together?"
Pacey drummed his fingertips on the table. He really wasn't planning on getting too familiar. "Since June last year."
"Wow, that's a long time. I hope you're very happy together, and that she appreciates just how special a guy she has. I think I can understand better than most just how lucky she is."
Something flickered in her eyes. Knowledge. Knowledge of him he wished she didn't have. He ignored the comment; he wasn't here to make small talk. "Why did you call me, Tamara?"
For the first time, her cool exterior faltered. She let a nervous, breathless laugh, but then quickly recovered. "Well, I've been wanting to for a long time. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about contacting you to see how you are, and check up on you. But I just thought that if I reached out to you, that it wouldn't be a good idea. I didn't want us to get pulled back in. I just… I wanted us both to move on.
"And I was so happy when I returned to Capeside, and saw you with a girl your own age. Remember? She seemed like a nice girl. I'm even happier to hear that you were able to graduate, and now you have a lovely girlfriend waiting for you across the street. It just… makes me happy that despite everything, you were able to get past it… you know, what happened between us."
Pacey nodded, saying nothing for a moment. "Get past it," he scoffed, shaking his head. "What happened followed me all through high school—the humiliation, the guilt. You think anyone ever let me forget it? It impacted the way everyone looked at me, what they thought of me. It impacted… my relationships with people I love."
She seemed shocked at his words, and then gave him a contrite look. "I'm so sorry, Pacey. I don't know if I can explain myself. I… I had just gotten out of a bad marriage to an abusive husband, and I was trying to start over, to move forward with my life. And I'd found a lovely place to live, a great job… and for reasons I'm still trying work through with my therapist, I… self-sabotaged and ruined this perfect new life I was trying to make for myself.
"I know that's not an excuse. You were the victim of that self-sabotage, and I shouldn't have let it happen. I should have… I should have stopped you. I should have just turned you down. I shouldn't have let you kiss me. I was the adult, and I knew better. I should have put a stop to it before you ever started it."
He stared at her in disbelief. "Is that what you think happened? That I started it?"
"Well, I certainly never wanted it to happen. But you were persistent and charming and very convincing—"
"You're in denial. You walked into the video store and flirted with me. You asked to rent The Graduate, for Christ's sake. You told me I could call you Tamara outside school. You told me you were going to the Rialto to see a movie and that I should check it out. But you act appalled when I show up, playing innocent and treating me like I'm crazy.
"And then I said you blew it, remember? Whatever this flirtation was, it was over. And then you kissed me! You did. When I said I had no plans to go to the school dance, you said you were gonna be there and maybe I should change my mind. But again, you act put out that I actually showed up. You were waiting for me on the waterfront—alone, at night—to tell me we need to keep our relationship strictly teacher-student. Not exactly the right setting for getting that message across, wouldn't you agree? And then you kiss me again! Because keeping our relationship teacher-student wasn't the reason you were waiting for me out there, was it?
"You said you'd tutor me, alone at school after practically everyone had left for the day, and you'd sit with your bare legs propped up on the desk, in full view, while promising me positive reinforcement if I did well."
Pacey lowered his voice further. "You told me to get condoms and meet you at the ruins, Tamara." His eyes narrowed. "I started it? Do you know how long it's taken me to figure out that I wasn't responsible? That you were the one who created those moments? I hated myself for so long because I thought that it was all my fault. That I tarnished your reputation. That you had to stop teaching, that you had to leave town, and all because of me and what I did."
She shook her head, frowning. "Oh, Pacey…"
"But you know what, Tamara? All that misplaced blame and humiliation isn't what bothers me the most. Yes, I did move on with a nice girl my own age, we loved each other, and it was a beautiful thing while it lasted. Andie, you met her. And now I'm with… the woman of my dreams. Yes, I'm very happy with her, and we're very much in love, but… you've tainted everything. What happened between you and me affected both these girls.
"You robbed me of giving them something special. And this person who is the center of my universe… Joey… what we have is everything to me. It's my whole world. I want to experience everything with her…"
He sighed. "You knew what you were taking away from me, and you did it anyway. You stole that from me."
Tamara's eyes became wet with emotion. "It was never my intention to steal anything from you, and I'm so terribly sorry you feel that way. What we had was special, in its own way, Pacey, even though it was wrong. Weren't you the one who said that you believed it was sometimes right to do the wrong thing? If you hadn't been so mature, so wise beyond your years, this wouldn't have happened. And because of your maturity, we had a real connection.
"I think that the main thing is, in that specific time in my life, I really felt seen by you. And that's what we both needed, in that time in our lives, to feel seen and understood, isn't that right? We could give to each other what no one else could at that time. And it was almost like I felt like I'd been rescued, in a way, by you. And I think that's what we were to each other, why we felt pulled towards each other again and again."
He shook his head in disbelief. "Rescued," he scoffed. "How on God's green earth could I have rescued you?" He closed his eyes, rubbing his fingers between his brows. "We hired a new dishwasher at the restaurant last week. He's fifteen—same age I was. He looks so young. I was just a kid, Tamara. A lonely, hormonal kid, love-starved and desperate for positive attention. And you used me."
"I know," she said shakily. "And knowing I did that… I can't understand it myself. I think about what I should have done differently. I just want to know that you're okay, and that you're happy, and that what happened between us is… water under the bridge. Ancient history. I just wanted to make sure you're happy and doing well, and that you weren't left with too many scars. That's all I care about. That's why I called you."
"You've gotta be kidding me, Tamara. You called me because… well, maybe ever since you ran into me at the restaurant, you've been feeling guilty and you just don't want to feel guilty anymore. And maybe you're worried I'm gonna tell people about you and what you did. And you want to make sure there are no hard feelings because you don't want me opening my mouth and messing up your perfect life."
"I got lucky, Pacey. I found a man who, for reasons I'll never understand, doesn't judge me the way other people would. But my life isn't perfect. One phone call to Capeside High, and any teaching job on the table will disappear. Because of you, I can never teach again—a job I truly loved, that meant the world to me."
"Because of me," he said, dumbfounded. He threw his hand over his mouth, and stared for a moment. Indignation flooded his gut like molten lava. Pacey stood up from the table, shaking his head. "Maybe you shouldn't teach again, Ms. Jacobs. If I have to live with what you did to me for the rest of my life, then so do you."
He walked away from her, anger rising. As the blood rushed into his face, he increased his pace. As he hurried across the street, Pacey could feel the tension leave him, feel a great burden lift from his shoulders, feel his stomach empty of all the guilt.
Inside Sal's, Joey watched with bated breath as Pacey approached and joined her at the booth, sliding in next to her. Her brows knitted at the emotion on his face.
"I ordered us a pepperoni pizza."
"Perfect," he said, giving her a weak smile.
Concern for him was heavy on her heart. "You okay?"
"I'm okay, Joey."
Then Pacey reached for her hand, holding her palm inside his. He pulled his cell pone out of his pocket. Scrolling through his contact list, he found the number he was looking for, and dialed. She watched him, wondering who he could be calling right now.
On the second ring, the line picked up. "Capeside High School. How may I direct your call?"
His stomach fluttered with nerves. "Can I speak with Tom Kapinos, please?"
"Sure, hold on a moment."
The receptionist was gone, and then a recording began to play, a voice filling him in on all the upcoming events at the high school. Pacey's eyes met hers, and he gave her a reassuring smile, but Joey couldn't calm the butterflies wreaking havoc in her gut, wondering what in the world had transpired across the street at the L Street Tavern.
He squeezed Joey's hand. Then the line picked up. "Hello?"
"Mr. Kapinos?" he spoke, and Joey's eyes went wide with surprise.
"Pacey?"
"Yeah. I… um… I think I should do it… in your office."
"Meet with your family?"
"Yeah."
"I might have to have the principal and the school board president there."
"I understand."
"Are you sure you want to do this, Pacey? I mean, I'll have to report it either way, with or without a sit-down with you and your parents."
His eyes met Joey's, who was listening to the conversation. It was clear she could hear Mr. Kapinos's side of it as well. Her brows knitted with worry. "Yes, I'm sure," he said.
"Okay, well… I'll start making some phone calls. It'll probably happen Monday, Tuesday at the latest."
He took a deep breath. "All right. Thanks."
"You're welcome." Tom paused. "Pacey?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm very, very proud of you."
Pacey choked on emotion.
"I know it hasn't been easy. I know this decision wasn't an easy one to make. And I know it won't be easy going forward. But I've got your back. One hundred percent. And I bet you'll find that plenty of other people do, too. You're worth it, Pacey. You are."
He had to swallow the lump forming at the back of his throat in order to speak. "Thank you, Mr. Kapinos. For… for everything."
He ended the call and shoved his cell phone into his pocket. A powerful sense of relief spread through him.
Pacey looked at Joey. Tears stung his eyes and his bottom lip quivered. Her heart filled with compassion for him. His hand gripped hers tighter, and her thumb caressed small, soothing circles on his skin. She splayed her other hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding steadily just below, rubbing him as if to calm the emotion threatening to overwhelm him.
I love you, she mouthed silently as a waiter set a large pepperoni pizza down on the table in front of them, along with plates and napkin-wrapped silverware. The waiter just as quickly disappeared.
"So, you're really going to sit down with your parents?" she asked quietly. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, your dad, and the way he reacted to the whole Ms. Jacobs thing the first time…"
"No, I'm not entirely sure it's a good idea, but I need for you to trust me on this," he said, reaching up to cup her face. "I don't know how to explain it, but things are different now. It's not just me vs. my dad anymore."
She gazed at him. His expression softened; the familiar glow he seemed to reserve just for her returned to his blue eyes. "I just don't want to see you hurt any more than you already have been, Pace."
His thumb caressed her cheek, and he took a deep, calming breath. "My dad can't hurt me anymore, Jo. And neither can Tamara."
He dropped his hand from her face and looked down at the steaming hot pizza in front of them. "God, let's eat. I'm starving."
Joey watched as Pacey delved up the pizza, placing a slice onto each of their plates. She wanted to ask him exactly how the conversation with Ms. Jacobs had gone, but she held back, knowing he'd tell her when he was ready.
As if he could read her mind, Pacey turned to her and smiled. "I know you must be curious about what happened over there, but… I'd rather talk about it when we're alone, back at my place. Not here. I want us to enjoy our lunch without talking about… her."
Joey smiled, nodding her understanding.
"So, tell me about your art class this morning," he said, lifting a slice to his mouth. "You take it with Alan, right?"
"Yeah. Art class was fine. My professor complimented my sketches."
"Of course, she did," he replied enthusiastically after he'd finished chewing.
She lifted her own slice off her plate. "And speaking of pizza, Alan told me that he wants to come hang out with us some night at your apartment. He said he'll bring movies and pick up a pizza, and he wants us to invite Jack. Alan said it would be just like a slumber party," she giggled.
"I do think Gretchen has some blue eyeshadow that would look great on him."
Joey could see his relief when he spoke the words. Pacey looked as if a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Whatever tension had been there before was now gone, at least for the moment. A comfortable calm settled in as he smiled broadly at the silly joke, making the laugh lines in his handsome face stand out. She felt a rush of affection and gratitude for this young man she'd known practically all her life, smiling as he leaned in to place a kiss at the corner of her mouth. Despite all that Pacey had suffered through in his young life, he was capable of filling her world with wonder and kindness and love and laughter. She was truly the luckiest girl alive.