Featured Gaelic and Pronunciations:

- Mac mo ghràidh (mahk moh graih) - my beloved son

- Tha gaol againn ort (hah gowl ah-geyn orsht) - We love you

- Ar gille gaolach (ahr gihl-yeh goo-lohk) - our beloved lad

- Mo mùirnean (moh moor-nahn) - my beloved/my darling

- A minnean (ah mihn-yehn) - small kid

14 July, 1744

Jared's House, Paris, France

JAMIE POV

The door opened slowly as he pushed it open, feeling a stranger in the place that he had called home for the last six months. It was quiet, as if the house had not been lived in for some time. There was no sound of the servants moving about the house, nor the smell of food cooking, nor anything, really. It was like time had just stopped, and Jamie was the only one in the world who could still move.

A quiet rustle came from the parlour, and Jamie, a scraggly beard growing from his face and his hair in desperate need of a cut, went to find the source. Hoping to find Catrìona, Jamie was mildly disappointed to find Cailean sitting in the parlour holding a book, which he set down when Jamie entered. "Jamie," he said. "How are ye, man?"

"Where's Catrìona?" Jamie asked him, needing to see his wife to apologise. He was sure she hated him - why wouldn't she? He broke his promise to her. He wondered if an apology would even be enough, and if she would even forgive him.

"At Louise's estate. I sent her there a couple of days ago, along with Beth, Fergus, and Bernadette - ah, new wet nurse," Cailean replied.

"She didnae want a wet nurse," Jamie told him.

"She's no' been well," Cailean told him.

"And… What aboot the lads?" asked Jamie, wondering why the house was so cryptic - and come to think of it, why a black ribbon crossed the door.

"Archie's with her," said Cailean.

"And… and Brian?" Cailean was silent for a moment.

"He… I'm sorry, Jamie, but… he passed away." Suddenly, Jamie's heart felt as if it had stopped and his blood began to run ice cold. Brian… was dead? He was gone… and Catrìona had to deal with his loss all by herself, all because Jamie had to duel Randall. Brian was gone, and Jamie didn't even have a chance to say goodbye.

"No," he muttered. "It cannae be…"

"I'm sorry, Jamie," Cailean said, getting up to help Jamie sit down in a chair.

"My son," Jamie muttered, more to himself than anyone else, as tears began to run down his cheeks. "I… I have te go te her… Right, now, I-I need te be with her. I should have been here all along!"

"I'll not say different. Aye, ye should have, but ye can be with her now. Let's get ye cleaned up and I'll take ye to Louise's estate myself," Cailean told him. He was about to help Jamie up when the man burst into tears, mourning the loss of his deceased infant son and muttering Gaelic words and phrases that were hardly intelligible. "Come on, Jamie. Ye need each other right now, both of ye." After a bit more coaxing, Cailean finally convinced Jamie to get up and helped him up the stairs.

Château de La Tour d'Auvergne, Château-Thierry, France

CATRÌONA POV

It was raining, but I didn't care. If anything, the dreary, grey skies matched my current mood. I was frustrated after a conversation I'd had with Louise. I wasn't upset with her , but more or less upset with the fact that her servants and friends who were staying at her estate seemed to forget that I was mourning the loss of my child - children . Louise informed me that there was gossip exacerbated by the fact that I was commonly known as La Dame Blanche and she suggested that I perhaps ought to consider attending mass to reduce the gossip, and that just made me so angry. "I dinnae care if there is gossip! I'll not be forced te seek solace or comfort from the man or being that just took my child from me!" I had snapped at her.

"But Catrina, they only wish to make sure your soul is safe so you can one day join your-"

"I dinnae care," I said firmly, cutting her off. "I'll no' be told what te do by a bunch of gossiping besoms." I had stormed away after that, not wanting to hear another word or another argument, and had gone outside. There was the scent of rain in the air and in the distance, I could hear thunder, but I did not heed the sky's warning. I stood on the grassy field a good distance from the gazebo in the garden, my arms crossed across my chest and my face turned to the sky. "Rhiannon," I said quietly. "Why have ye taken him? Was I not enough? Was I not worthy of him? Will ye take Archie from me, too?" The only answer I received was a rolling boom of thunder, followed shortly by the first few drops of what became a heavy rain. As the raindrops hit my face, I began to cry. I never liked to cry - it showed weakness, in my opinion, and I was anything but weak. But in the rain, my teardrops could be mistaken for the rain, and no one could see you crying in the rain.

For a while, I felt so alone, until I could sense a pair of eyes on me. I was afraid to turn to face whoever it was that was disturbing my peace in fear of having to acknowledge them, but eventually, I composed myself and turned, freezing in fear. Standing some distance away, not too far, but not too close, either, was Jamie. He was as soaked through as I was, his red hair glued to his forehead by the rain. I couldn't see his face too clearly through the heavy rain, but he appeared mournful - Cailean must have told him about Brian. Most of me wanted to run to him, embrace him, be engulfed in his warm and loving arms, safe from all things that could cause me pain, but a small part of me couldn't face him. I had lost two of his children, and I was ashamed - and still angry with him for what he did. For a while, we simply stood there staring at each other, and when he took one step to move towards me, I backed away.

"Catrìona," he called, and that was enough to get me to turn on my heel and bolt for the garden. "Catrìona! Wait!" Jamie called again, but I ignored him as I ran for the garden. I climbed up the stairs to the gazebo, only to find that there was only one exit, and when I turned to bolt back down the stairs, I found that the exit was blocked by Jamie. "Catrìona, please," he said, still standing in the rain at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't respond, but instead turned my back and leaned against the railing of the gazebo that was opposite of the entrance. I heard his footsteps on the stairs, but he stopped once he was under the roof of the gazebo. "Will ye… Will ye let me give ye comfort?" he asked quietly and calmly. For a moment, I didn't respond.

"I dinnae want yer comfort," I replied quietly. Jamie was silent for a moment before clearing his throat.

"I tried te keep my promise… but Randall…"

"I ken what happened. Cailean told me."

"Then ye see how I couldnae let Randall go unpunished fer what he did te the wee lad?"

"I asked ye not to!" I snapped then, still not turning to face him. "Ye promised me ye'd spare him fer a year." I stood up fully then and turned slowly to face him, my eyes furious, his mournful and sunken. "Ye promised me, and ye betrayed that promise. Ye werenae here when yer family needed ye most! And now, Brian is dead . And I've been all alone."

"I'm here now," Jamie told me.

"But ye werenae when it mattered ," I said firmly.

"And what aboot Fergus? What aboot what he experienced?" Jamie demanded, a little angrily.

"Fergus blamed himself fer you gettin' arrested, ye damn selfish arse! He's been devastated fer weeks!" I snapped back. Jamie was silent for a moment as he looked into my face.

"Do ye hate me fer it?" he asked quietly, taking me a little off guard.

"I did," I said. "I did hate ye. I felt so alone. Our child was dead, and I…" I paused for a moment, closing my eyes. "I was pregnant, Jamie." I opened my eyes again to see that his expression had changed. "And I lost it."

"Wh- Why did ye no' tell me?" Jamie asked me.

"It was too soon te even ken until it was too late," I replied. "I was ill fer so long… I didnae even get te say goodbye te Brian. When I awoke, he was already gone, and I was so overwhelmed because ye had gone off te duel Randall that I fainted and miscarried. So yes, I did hate ye… but no' because of Randall… it was my fault."

"What?" Jamie asked me, now confused by the direction that I was taking this conversation. "How can ye say that?"

"It was I who asked the impossible of ye… I put Tom before our family. I was the one who panicked when I'd heard ye'd gone off…"

"But… Tom is yer family, too."

"But he's no' here, and now… neither is our son, nor the child we never had the chance te ken," I replied, unable to meet his eyes as I felt tears begin to sting my eyes again. "It's not yer fault… Not even Randall's, this time…" My voice cracked as I spoke next. "…it's mine."

"Catrìona," Jamie said, reaching for me, but I pulled myself away from him.

"Dinnae touch me!" I exclaimed, turning again towards the railing. For several minutes, it felt, I was silent again as I watched the rain fall over the flowers of the garden, the flowers dancing with each drop that ricocheted off their petals. "I asked fer yer forgiveness once… Ye said there was nothin' te forgive."

"I forgave ye long before that day," I heard Jamie say to me calmly, the sound of his footsteps indicating that he had stepped closer to me. "Fer that… and anything else ye could ever do."

"Could ye, then?" I asked, bracing myself against the railing. "I slept with the King. It was the worst sexual experience of me life, but I still slept with him." Jamie didn't respond immediately.

"Te buy my freedom," he answered. "Ye did it te save my life… just like I gave myself te Randall te save you." I saw his hands rest on the railing beside me, but I didn't look at him. Instead, I watched a hummingbird battle the raindrops as it tried to feed off of a flower.

"How can we ever be the same," I whispered quietly.

"We cannae be," Jamie told me. "The weight of what has happened here… It is too great fer any one of us te bear alone. The only way we can live with it, Catrìona, is te carry it… Together." I finally gained the courage to glance up at him, finding his eyes trained on me.

"Are… Are ye sure ye want te do tha'?" I asked him meekly.

"Blood of my blood and bone of my bone," he told me, turning fully to face me, and he covered my hands on the railing with his. "I give ye my soul until our life shall be done." He paused for a moment, looking at our hands, and then steeled his expression to one that was more firm. "It is not done." Glancing down at our hands, I nodded solemnly. "We lost our child… children … And by the grace of God, we may be given another. But we still have Archie, and he's wantin' fer his mother." I closed my eyes in shame, feeling the tears well up at my eyes again, and then felt one of Jamie's hands wipe them from my eyes and push my chin up to look at him. "We will make it through this… but we must do it together. Do ye agree?" I nodded.

"Aye. I agree," I said quietly.

"Then let me take ye inside, before ye fall ill," he told me. I nodded again, then freed my face from his hand and buried my face in his chest, wrapping my arms around him tightly and sobbing into his already soaked shirt. Jamie's arms wrapped tightly around me, holding me close, keeping me warm and safe. "Shhh, mo chridhe… " he whispered to me, pressing his lips softly to my head. "It will be all right." He held me for a few more minutes before finally picking me up, and though it was still raining, he carried me out of the gazebo and back to the house, seeming to dodge raindrops with every step.

20 July, 1744

JAMIE POV

Things for Catrìona were not easy in the following few days, and Jamie could see that clearly. She spent a lot of her time going for walks around the grounds, sitting in the study with a book in her lap staring out the window, or wherever she found a hiding spot. She wasn't exactly distancing herself from Jamie, but he felt miles away from her even when they were pressed up tight against each other. It was hot, so they slept naked together, but she never reached out to touch him, and he didn't feel as if he could reach out to her. Jamie wasn't even sure if she'd been to see Archie in all the time he had been there. Jamie was with Archie as much as he could be, but he couldn't deny that it was hard. Every time he looked at Archie, he could see Brian's face - they were identical, after all - and he could tell that Archie knew something was amiss. He knew his brother wasn't there anymore, and he wasn't the lively young lad he used to be.

On one particular day, Jamie was sitting on the porch holding Brian when both Bernadette and Beth approached him on the porch. "It is time to feed le petit garçon ," Bernadette had told him as he sat with Archie on his lap. Jamie nodded, then allowed Bernadette to take him. Beth watched as Bernadette left the porch with Archie and then awkwardly glanced at Jamie, ultimately deciding to sit down beside him.

"Mistress hasnae been te see him," Beth said to him. She was looking much better, clearly now over her illness, but she had lost a lot of weight and still looked a little pale.

"I suspected as much," Jamie said to her. "I think she blames herself."

"She most definitely does, my Laird," said Beth. "When it happened… She was so scairt. He wasnae breathin', he'd gone… the colour of forget-me-nots. And when Mr. Fowlis came home that day… said he'd passed… I could feel the Mistress's pain and longin' fer him in my heart."

"Yer a kind and carin' lass, Miss MacCraig. I've no doubt, too, that ye loved the lad dearly," Jamie told her, and she nodded.

"Aye, I had a special place in me heart fer wee Brian. Archie, too. I positively adore him. I just… I just wish the Mistress would seek comfort in Archie. I ken he looks like Brian, but it isnae fair te Archie. He's not his brother. He shouldnae be blamed fer that," said Beth, looking out at the gardens.

"Aye, yer right," said Jamie. "I need te find Cailean. Do ye ken where he is?"

"I saw him and Madame de Rohan playin' chess in the study," said Beth.

"Thank ye, truly," said Jamie, and he went off in search of Cailean. He heard Louise's giggle before he saw the pair of them, but they were sitting at the chessboard with Cailean telling Louise an entertaining story.

"…and I said to 'em, 'Ye cannae launch a cannon while yer pished drunk. What the hell are ye thinkin'?' They didnae care and did it anyway, and lo and behold, Timothy blew his damn hand off!" Cailean was saying, and Louise giggled girlishly behind her fan.

"What fools! Did he live?" Louise asked, clearly enthralled by the story.

"Aye, he did, although he needed a hand with everrathing fer the rest of his life," said Cailean, and Louise erupted into a fit of giggles again. Jamie cleared his throat, drawing their attention.

"Cailean, can I speak with ye a moment?" Jamie asked him.

"Aye, of course," said Cailean, standing. "Madame, I shall return shortly." Cailean followed Jamie as the pair of them stepped outside into the garden, Jamie letting out a heavy sigh as he stopped and turned to face Cailean.

"Yer sister, she… she willnae touch Archie, nor even look at him. I dinnae ken if she's even been te see him," Jamie said to him.

"I ken she's takin' it hard… Of course, tha's no excuse fer takin' that out on Archie. He doesnae deserve it," Cailean replied. "Do ye want me te talk te her?"

"Will it make a difference?" Jamie asked, and Cailean shrugged, sitting down on a fountain.

"She has te come on her own. We can talk te her all we like, but if she doesnae want te listen, then we cannae force her te do anythin'," he said. Jamie sat down beside him, looking down at his hands in his lap as he sat in silence for several moments.

"Yer a twin," Jamie said suddenly. "Ye lost yer brother. Does he ken?"

"Archie?" Cailean asked, and Jamie nodded. "Aye, I think he does. When yer a twin… ye shared a womb with someone. Grew into a human alongside them. Shared yer mother's heartbeat with them. It's an unbreakable bond that ye always feel. I was much older than Archie when I lost my twin brother - thirteen. Archie's only six months, but dinnae underestimate that bond."

"If that bond is so strong… why do ye never speak of him? Yer brother?" Jamie asked. He could see Cailean pause in thought, then give a very heavy sigh.

"Because it hurts," he answered. "Calum and me, we were verra close. Did everrathing together. Te lose him… It was like havin' a piece of my heart ripped out of my chest. Like the man who killed him was holdin' half of my still beatin' heart when he killed my brother."

"Richard Randall," Jamie said.

"Aye," Cailean replied. "Calum hardly had the chance te grow. He died before he could live his life. I try te live my life fer us both, as if we were one person. Sometimes, it felt like we were . The two of us, we were inseparable. We used te play pranks on our parents, people of the town, our younger brothers - never Cat because she'd put crabs in our beds if we messed with her." He and Jamie shared a chuckle. "Calum got bit on his bollocks once by a crab she'd put in his bed. Mam was so pished at her, but it taught us a verra valuable lesson. Eventually, we recruited her on our side. No more crabs in our beds after that."

"Sounds like my relationship with my sister," said Jamie with a soft smile.

"The point of it all is… Even though Calum has died, and even though speakin' of him hurts, I never forgot him, and I never will. I have memories te keep him close te me," Cailean told him.

"But Archie willnae have that. He's too young te have any memories of his brother," said Jamie, his smile fading.

"Maybe, but he'll always sense that somethin' is missin'. That missing piece of him will always be there, like a chip in a teacup, but he'll be whole, and he'll have you, Cat, and myself as well, te keep Brian's memory alive," Cailean replied. He placed a hand on Jamie's back and gave it a light pat. "She'll come around. She just… needs time. I remember I couldnae look at myself in the mirror fer a while because everra time I did, it was like I was seein' Calum again. It only got better when I started gettin' older. Calum didn't get that chance, so when I look in the mirror, I ken it isnae him. But at least I have an idea of what he would have looked like, had he lived." Jamie nodded subtly, then gave Cailean a subtle smile.

"I'm glad Archie has ye fer an uncle. Ye ken him well," Jamie replied.

"I'll no' be goin' anywhere, either," Cailean replied. "Oh, did Cat tell ye yet? A few days after she came back from hospital, Alasdair Fowlis paid us a visit… He said our Da was a traveller, like us."

"So… Does tha' mean the Archie Fowlis of this time - the son of the Laird of Cìosamul - actually is yer father?" Jamie asked him.

"Aye, it does. We told Alasdair, too, where we're from. Cat showed him the photograph she has of our father and Alasdair confirmed that tha' was him," Cailean replied.

"So that means yer the heir te Cìosamul," Jamie told him.

"Somethin' like that. But so is my cousin, Seàrlas. I dinnae ken what he's like. If I show my face and threaten his inheritance, who kens what he'll do te me," Cailean replied, and then he let out a sigh and stood. "Best get back te my game. If ye need help with my sister, I'll gladly speak te her with ye, but ye ken how she is. I dinnae think she'll listen te me." Jamie nodded, and Cailean took his leave. He was right, Jamie did know how Catrìona was - stubborn, hot-headed, unwilling to budge when she didn't want to… and so was he. When he was in her position, what did she do?

"Shut up. Dinnae open yer mouth, and dinnae argue with me. Get yer stubborn arse onto that hoorse right this minute and dinnae say another word!"

"Well, tough shit. Ye've go' two lads that need their father, and a wife who will seriously consider shovin' a pitchfork up yer arse if ye say such a ridiculous thing as 'I cannae be yer husband' again."

"You tell me right now why my husband and the father of my sons wants te kill himself. Ye tell me right now why the man I've come te love and admire greatly has suddenly decided he's too cowardly te bounce back from a horrendous experience that doesnae even define him in the slightest…"

When Jamie needed her the most, she was there to put him in his place. She was there to slap him when he was being ridiculous and stand him right back up again. When he needed a blow, she delivered it, and when he needed a reminder that he was being foolish and stubborn, she did not hesitate to give it to him. He needed that reminder fairly often, and though she often needed it as well, she almost never heeded his reminders as he did hers. Well, she would heed it this time. She had a talent for making him listen to her, so he would have to take a page from her book and make her listen to him.

Catrìona had dinner in their bedchamber while Jamie dined with Cailean and the de Rohans, but he remained silent as he formulated his plan. Catrìona would listen to him. He would give her no chance to run away and ignore him. The time for her stubbornness to overpower her reasoning was over - her son needed her. Once dinner was finished, Jamie went up to their shared bedchamber, finding one of the servants in the room with her helping her to get ready for bed. "Will ye excuse us, please?" Jamie asked the servant, who seemed a bit confused, but nodded and left. Catrìona sat silently at the vanity, looking at her reflection in the mirror. "Look at ye," Jamie said once they were alone. "Look at what ye've become."

"I dinnae ken what yer talkin' aboot," she told him quietly.

"Ye ken damn well what I'm talkin' aboot, Catrìona Fraser!" Jamie snapped. Usually, Catrìona would put up her defences and prepare to fight him off when he raised his tone with her, but this time, she just sat there and took it. "Catrìona, what are ye doin'? I ken we've lost our son, but yer makin' our living son suffer fer that!"

"Ye dinnae ken what it is bein' a mother," she told him, not moving.

"No, but I do ken what it's like bein' a father, and I also ken what it's like bein' a son te a mother who has lost her child," Jamie replied sternly. "Willie died a year before my mother did. She was devastated fer a long time, wouldnae come out of her room. I was a child, and I didnae ken why my mother suddenly stopped lovin' me."

"She didnae stop lovin' ye, she was mournin' her child," Catrìona replied.

"I ken that now, as an adult. But as a child , it felt like my mother didnae love me anymore. She wouldnae see me, wouldnae hold me any longer. She didnae treat Jenny like that, so te me, it felt like she blamed me fer Willie's death. It was actually because Willie and I looked verra similar," Jamie told her. "Archie needs his mother, Catrìona. I was seven years old when I lost my brother, but Archie is a bairn. He doesnae yet have the ability te reason."

"I cannae look at him!" Catrìona snapped, turning around to face him. "Everratime I look at him, I see Brian! And everratime I see him, I think aboot how I am the reason his brother is no longer here!"

"Ye are not the reason Brian is dead!" Jamie snapped back. "Brian died because of somethin' that we cannae control! As ye said when he still lived, there was nothin' that could have been done."

"Had I gone back through the stones, like ye tried te tell me twice te do, Brian would have lived," she said. "I selfishly chose te stay because I didnae want te be without you . And now my son is dead. "

"Archie is yer child, too. Ye still have a living child who needs his mother. He's lost his brother and he kens it, and he cries fer ye hopin' that the only other person in the world who was connected te him willnae even touch him," Jamie told her sharply, and Catrìona turned to face the vanity again, seeming to notice her reflection. She wrapped her arms insecurely around her midsection, seeming to meet her own eyes in the mirror.

"I cannae… I just cannae," she whispered, and then she turned to push past Jamie and leave the room.

"Ye cannae run away forever, Catrìona," Jamie told her as she left. "Ye have te face this someday." She was gone, and he wasn't entirely sure that she had heard him. Both of them were awfully stubborn, but unlike Catrìona, Jamie was a bit more open to reasoning than she was. Once she had made up her mind, she stuck with it, and it was hard to get her to change her mind. Would she ever see reason again? Would Archie ever see his mother again, be held by her… be loved by her?

23 July, 1744

CATRÌONA POV

I was sitting in the sunroom of Louise's house when I heard footsteps approach me, and I let out a heavy huff. I hadn't seen anyone besides a couple of servants in a few days, but from hearing gossip, I knew that they had been tasked to keep an eye out for me. Jamie was constantly looking for me the last few days, but my presence was basically spectre-like, as servants always told him where I was, but when he arrived, I had already left. This time, however, a servant must have seen me and I hadn't heard them and managed to inform him of my whereabouts before I could flee.

"I want te be left alone," I told him in a warning tone.

"I do not believe that is what you truly want," said a French-accented woman, and I realised that it wasn't Jamie, but instead, it was Louise.

"I think it is," I told her, not looking at her as I continued to stare out the window.

"I have brought your son," said Louise, and I didn't respond. "He is very handsome. You are very lucky. I hope that my child will be as handsome as he is."

"I'm sure it will be," I told her neutrally. She didn't respond, but I did hear her approach me.

" Mon amie… This is your child. You love him, I know you do. He needs you," Louise tried to tell me, but I refused to respond, keeping myself pressed up against the window with my arms wrapped tightly around my knees. "Hold him."

"No," I said.

"Catrina-"

"I cannae, and fer God's sake, it's Catrìona ," I hissed. I tried to get up to escape, but Louise took the chance to shove Archie at me and let go of him. Alarmed, I quickly grasped him tightly so that he wouldn't fall, and looked up at Louise to find her backing away quickly.

"He is your son, mon amie. Cherish him!" she said, and then she quickly ran out of the room before I could stop her. Panicking, I was holding Archie very tightly in my arms, causing him to fuss just a little. I didn't want to look at him, couldn't… but then I did, and his sweet little grey eyes were looking back up at me. He looked so much like Jamie… and like Brian. He reached his little hand up and gently touched my face, then babbled at me and giggled. He'd grown so much in the last seven months since he was born…

I heard more footsteps, but I paid them no heed as I looked down into the eyes of my son, his tiny little hand reaching to grasp my red curls that matched the ones on his head. "Yer holdin' him," I heard Jamie's voice say. His voice seemed to break my trance, and suddenly, my panic returned. I quickly ran to Jamie to hand Archie off to him. "Catrìona, it's fine! Hold him!" Jamie said as he tried to push me away, but ultimately, I shoved Archie at his chest and let go, knowing that Jamie wouldn't let him fall, then pushed off of him and ran off.

I could see it in his eyes that he desired his brother. How could I look Archie in the eye? I was the one responsible for Brian's death. I didn't care what Jamie said, I was his mother. I was to be held accountable, especially when there were things that I could have done to save him, but didn't. No longer feeling safe in the house, I ran outside to hide out in the garden, hoping that I would be left alone.

Later that evening, Beth found me and managed to coax me back inside, promising that she wouldn't try to make me hold Archie or even talk to me about him. She brought me up to mine and Jamie's bedchamber, which I hadn't been occupying, and prepared a warm bath for me with lavender oils and rose petals, then left me on my own. I climbed into the warm bath, relishing in the delightful heat that seeped into my skin and soothed my muscles. I was at peace, and it was quiet - too quiet. Somehow, I didn't hear Jamie approach me from behind, and I startled when I saw that he was there holding Archie, who was naked, in his arms. "Catrìona-"

"Jamie, please ," I begged him, but Jamie shook his head.

"Ye have te get through this. I will not let ye ignore yer son," he told me firmly. "I ken yer scairt… I ken ye blame yerself, and no amount of tellin' ye is goin' te change yer mind or how ye feel, but ye love Archie. I ken that because ye didnae drop him when Louise put him in yer arms. Please, just hold him… He needs ye, Catrìona." I stared up frightfully at Jamie, but I could see in his eyes that he was determined. And, though I was terrified… I couldn't deny that I missed Archie. He was right, I did love Archie more than anything in the world.

"But… what if he doesnae love me anymore?" I asked meekly.

"Are ye mad, woman? That'll never happen. He doesnae blame ye fer Brian's death, Catrìona… but ye cannae blame him fer lookin' like his brother, either," Jamie replied. " Seo , hold him." He bent down to bring Archie to my level, and though I was hesitant, I could feel a strong urge to take him into my arms and protect him from the world. I nodded subtly, then accepted my son as Jamie set him carefully into my arms. I was still in the bath, so I lowered him ever so slightly so that his legs and lower body were in the warm water, keeping him pressed tightly against my chest. Archie was looking up at me and he gave me a sweet little toothless grin, then again reached for my face.

" Mo chuisle," I muttered quietly. " Mo ghille … I am… so sorry, Archie…" I brought him up a little so I could kiss his little forehead. "Oh, my puir wee lad… Can ye ever forgive me?"

"Of course he will. Yer his mother," Jamie told me, one of his hands on my bare back. I smiled down at Archie, who whined just a little. "Ah, I told Bernadette she didnae have te worry aboot feedin' him tonight," Jamie told me.

"Why would ye do that? He needs te eat," I said as I cradled my son in my arms, bouncing him a little to soothe him.

"So you could feed him," Jamie replied. "He doesnae need the milk of another bairn, he needs his mother's."

"I… I dinnae even ken if I can, still," I replied.

"Just try," Jamie told me, placing one hand under Archie's back to encourage me to hold him to my breast. A bit nervously, I lifted him a little, taking the breast that was closest to him and drawing it nearer to his mouth. Taking the hint, Archie latched on, and almost immediately, I could feel the milk flowing from inside of me and into him - it was instinctual for us both. I couldn't help but smile, then felt Jamie's thumb on my face as he wiped a tear from my eye that I hadn't even realised had fallen.

"Get in here," I told him, shifting forward to make room for him behind me. Taking the hint, I heard Jamie take off his clothes and then climb into the tub behind me. He offset the water much more, so much so that it nearly spilled over, but I didn't care. He leaned back against the wall of the tub and I leaned back against him, Jamie's arms wrapping around both myself and Archie, cradling us both.

"Everrathing will be all right," Jamie whispered to me, brushing a piece of my hair aside and kissing my cheek. I turned my head so I could look at him, smiling for what felt like the first time in weeks.

"Jamie… I love you," I told him, and then it was his turn to smile.

"I love ye, too. My strong, stubborn lass," he said, and then he bent forward to press his lips to mine and kiss me.

"I want te go home," I told him once we had broken our kiss. "Back te Scotland, te Lallybroch. I want te raise Archie there."

"Then we'll go," Jamie told me. "But first… I want te visit Brian, one last time. Do ye… Do ye ken where he's buried?"

"In the cemetery near Notre Dame and the hospital," I answered as I looked down at Archie again, who had fallen asleep in my arms. "I want te take Archie… te say goodbye te his brother."

26 July, 1744

Holy Innocents' Cemetery, Paris, France

Jamie, Cailean, Beth and I all wore black and we wrapped Archie in a Jamie's Fraser tartan. On my head, I wore a black veil that fell down my back, but did not cover my face, while both Jamie and Cailean had tied their hair back with a black ribbon. Cailean and Beth were the first to pay their respects while Jamie stood with his arm wrapped around me, Archie cradled safely in my arms. "I wish he could have been buried in Scotland," I said to Jamie as I looked around the cemetery. "In a few years, everyone here will be dug up and buried in the bloody catacombs."

"All of them?" Jamie asked me weakly, and I nodded. Jamie looked down at his feet. "Damn them," he muttered. We watched as Beth and Cailean both stood, then stepped aside so that we could say our final goodbyes to Brian. We knelt down, then removed Archie from the tartan and sat him down on the ground next to the small stone that marked Brian's grave. Archie reached out with his little hand and gently touched the words on the stone. It read:

BRIAN FRASER

1743 - 1744

IL VOLE HAUT AVEC LES ANGES.

"He flies high with the angels," I read. "This is a grave fer a French lad. He's Scottish."

"I thought of that," Jamie said, reaching into his coat pocket, and he pulled out a small silver spoon - one of the apostle spoons that Jenny had sent us shortly after the lads were born and we were settled in Paris. "Saint Andrew." He dug with his fingers a little underneath the stone and placed the apostle spoon with the tiny silver figure of Saint Andrew at the top of it into the hole he had made. "If we must bury ye here in France, mac mo ghràidh , then let's leave a bit of Scotland with ye." He covered the spoon with the dirt, then bent down over the grave to kiss the ground where his son lay. With one of my hands on Archie's back to support him, I placed one hand on the grass, over my infant son.

" Tha gaol againn ort, ar gille gaolach … Mo mùirnean, " I muttered quietly. We love you, our beloved lad. Little Archie shifted onto his knees to crawl onto the little stone, his little grey eyes trained on the stone beneath his little palms.

"He kens tha's his brother," Jamie said quietly.

"Aye," I replied. "He does."

29 July, 1744

Le Havre, Paris, France

"Are ye sure ye want te stay, man?" Jamie asked him. "I can send Murtagh te come and stay with ye. He's te meet us in Edinburgh."

"Dinnae fash, I'll be fine," Cailean replied. "Someone has te watch the business until yer cousin returns." Beth and I stood side by side as we watched Jamie and Cailean say their goodbyes to each other, Archie nestled peacefully in Beth's arms. Once Jamie had finished, Beth approached him and Cailean playfully ruffled her hair.

"Ye take care, a minnean ," he said to her.

"I'm no' a kid, I'm seventeen years old," she told him.

"And I'm twenty-one, tha's a kid te me," said Cailean with a chuckle, and then he bent down to Archie's level and ruffled his curls. "Ye behave fer yer Mam and Da, mo ghille ruadh . Yer favourite Uncle Cailean will see ye soon." He kissed Archie's head as the lad giggled, and then Beth stepped aside so that I could embrace my brother.

"I swear te Christ, if I find ye've gotten yerself in trouble or worse, killed, I'll come and kill ye myself," I told him, and he chuckled warmly.

"Dinnae fash, mo phuithar. I'll see ye soon, aye? Promise I'll keep myself intact," he said to me, pulling back from the embrace to flash one of his familiar and loving smiles.

"We've no' been separated since ye returned te me last October," I said to him. "I'll miss ye, Cailean… Verra much."

"I'll miss ye, too," he told me, embracing me again and kissing my head. "I ken yer in good hands, and I'll be back in Scotland before ye ken it and ye'll be dreamin' of the days I was far away from ye in Paris." I laughed gently, then pulled away from him and wiped my eyes.

"Be safe, and fer God's sake, dinnae get anyone pregnant," I said, smacking his arm as he laughed.

"I'll do my best," he said to me. He stayed on the docks to wave goodbye to us as we stood on the ship, Jamie raising Archie's little hand to wave goodbye to his uncle. We'd see him soon, but after so long being without him, I couldn't help but be afraid of being separated from him again. I felt Jamie's hand rest on my lower back give me a firm squeeze, reminding me that he was there and I had nothing to worry about. We stayed by the railing of the ship until the coastline disappeared, and then went to our quarters to rest Jamie's poor unsettled stomach for the rest of the five hour journey to Scotland.

Blackness Bay, Edinburgh, Scotland

When I finally set foot on Scottish soil again, I wanted to bend down and kiss the ground, but of course, that wasn't socially acceptable. Like Murtagh's observation from months ago, it still reeked of fish, as a port would, but it was a different smell - a Scottish smell. "Murtagh!" I heard Jamie exclaim, and glanced up as Jamie embraced his godfather. " Ciamar a tha thu? "

" Sgoinneil , now that yer home, lad," Murtagh told him, breaking the embrace. He then glanced at me, giving me an awkward nod as I made my way to stand beside Jamie. "I'm verra sorry, lass. Brian was a wonderful lad."

"Thank ye," I said, and though it wasn't often I did this, I embraced Murtagh tightly, seeming to surprise him. Shortly after, Beth appeared with Archie in arms, and Murtagh was thrilled to take the young lad into his arms and playfully tossed him in the air, earning a joyful giggle from him.

"Ye've grown so big, laddie," said Murtagh cheerfully, in a way I felt I'd never seen him before. "And ye've brought this wee bawbag with ye?" he demanded when he saw Fergus appear at my side.

"Did you miss me, vieille foulque malodorante ?" Fergus asked him, and I snorted with laughter at Fergus calling Murtagh a 'smelly old coot'.

"Not a chance," said Murtagh, ruffling the young lad's hair.

"We told Fergus he must come with us. He's family now, and we couldnae leave him behind in Paris," I said as I wrapped an arm around Fergus and pulled him closer to me in an embrace.

"And that he is. Come, let us get away from that leaking tub," said Jamie, placing an arm on my back and leading our small group away from the docks. "Is the carriage ready?"

"It is. We're prepared te leave straight away, although it isnae far fer us," said Murtagh.

"I'm excited te see Lallybroch," Beth told me excitedly, and I placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, a leannan … I'm afraid yer not te come with us. Ye've been so ill, and yer mother misses ye terribly, accordin' te her letters," I told her.

"But what aboot Archie?" Beth asked me.

"We'll do fine. Jamie's sister has a servant that can help if we need it," I told her. "I'm sure ye miss yer family."

"Aye, I do," said Beth. "I miss my little brothers terribly. My Pa died when I was a lass, and Mam remarried and had three young lads - Robert, James and Willie. They're all under twelve and I miss them verra much."

"Then ye'll be glad te see them. I do hope ye'll keep in touch," I said to her.

"I will, and I hope ye'll write te me and tell me all aboot Archie as he grows," Beth told me, then looked down at the young lad in her arms. "I'll miss him terribly, too."

"And he'll miss ye, too. I ken he will. I promise I'll write aboot him, and when he's auld enough, he'll write to ye, too," I said. Beth nodded, then handed Archie to Jamie so she could embrace me tightly.

"Thank ye verra much fer yer care of me," she said. "I learned a lot from ye, and I'll never forget this time."

"Neither will I," I said with a fond smile.

"Let's go, lass, or we'll lose daylight," Murtagh growled, and we all shared a laugh.

"We'll meet again someday," I said to her. She nodded again, then looked at Jamie.

"Goodbye, Mr. Fraser, and thank ye fer everrathing," she said to him.

"It is me who should be thankin' you ," Jamie said to her. "Be well, lass, and god be with ye." We watched as she and Murtagh disappeared into the crowd, heading towards a carriage that would take them to Beth's family home in Bonnyrigg not far from Edinburgh.

"I'll sure miss her," I said. "She was like the sister I never had."

"As will I. She's a verra fine young lass and will make a fine wife someday," Jamie replied. "Come, we'll stay at an inn, and tomorrow, we'll start our journey te another beloved sister of ours." I nodded and smiled, excited to see Jenny again for the first time in nearly a year. With Jamie's arm wrapped firmly around my shoulders, and Archie held protectively in Jamie's arm, we took our first steps towards our new life together, excited for the path before us.