Written for Xiaovenexchange 2021. The heavier plot points like erosion or the clash of ideologies is for character development, trust me.
Light spoilers about Visions (Inazuma).
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Having one's Vision taken away meant losing all ambition, meant falling into the mind's depths and suffocate with regrets and fears. At least it meant succumbing to the darkness for mortals, but not for the last yaksha who was fighting the weight of karmic debt daily anyway even though losing his Vision had impacted him too - like everything that had to do with it.
But all in due time.
Venti had said that a story was best told from the beginning, ornated with metaphors so that words grew wings and could fly freely through a listeners' imagination. Xiao had lost his wings if he ever had had any, was bound by chains only he knew, and though he was soft-spoken, he didn't believe he could ever reach Venti's heights through words or deeds.
In Venti's opinion, he didn't need to.
When Xiao spoke, his words were clear, hard cut and honest. He meant each sentence as he worded it, such as this promise forged by past flames: No matter what happened, Xiao will always stand by his archon to his best ability. This yaksha knew two sides to the tale after all, the voice of contract and the promise of freedom, and he loved both and both he lost at some point of the story he had decided to tell.
Decided to tell because the contract of contracts had been fulfilled and the age of men had begun - but on a smaller scale, Xiao's duties were going hand in hand with his newly found desires, a longing that he had long suppressed in the depths of his soul. Someone had once said that a story that began with death couldn't be good, yet to Xiao it meant the opening to a new chapter of tales.
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Xiao didn't leave Wangshu Inn most of the time other than for hunting enemies and had grown used to his self-chosen solitude. On the highest peak of this ancient tree he called home, he could oversee most of Liyue Harbor from afar anyways and even more when he counted the line of the horizon and the birds' free flight as well. Leaving wasn't necessary. He liked being up here.
On that fateful day that marked an end and a new beginning, Xiao had watched the Rite of Descension from his usual place, not averting his gaze to not miss a second. The air had trembled with his arrival, the clouds had lightened up with great shine, and Rex Lapis' early demise had shaken heaven and earth quite literally when a lightning strike had broken heavy clouds apart. Suddenly, he had fallen to the ground lifelessly, seen by mortals and immortal eyes alike, causing another earthquake.
Shocked, shaken, unbelieving, Xiao had then left Wangshu Inn in a mad dash to mix with the human crowd after what could've been eons of years of willingly staying away - immortals don't measure time like mortals do -, and at the Golden House he sought out the exuvia one last time.
How could this have happened?
Everything seemed out of place. The one with the answers to Xiao's questions was gone. And Xiao wasn't sure why he had come here, why not stay out of the matter as he had always done when his help hadn't been asked for? The Liyue Qixing seemed to handle well enough on their own.
Thinking for himself, this was hard. Maybe being here was as much confirmation of truth as a last goodbye to a man he looked up to, though he and Rex Lapis hadn't talked with each other a lot in the past decades. Neither of them had after the Archon War had ended. Xiao regretted it.
Xiao made use of his Vision (the Anemo Archon's blessing) to dash forward over the last piece of distance and halted to rest a reluctant hand against the exuvia, a last expression of gratitude that Rex Lapis in his lifetime had barely credited.
-x
"A warrior's ambition isn't the expectancy of gratitude or reward, Alatus. Keep it in your heart. I have no use for it."
-x
Would Rex Lapis had minded this visit? What an irritating feeling to not have an answer to that.
Of course, Xiao's trespassing hadn't been unnoticed, not exactly. Ganyu knew how to step on the Golden House's stone tiles so that her footsteps were barely audible even for yaksha ears and because of that he knew without turning around that it was her even before she softly called his name. She had never forgotten how to move unseen among humans too, something that both she and Xiao shared, if that was one of the few things they had in common. He might not've been to Liyue often but moving as a shadow was something one was either born with and could do naturally - or must have spent years of extreme training to achieve a splinter of this ability.
Xiao lowered his hand from the exuvia, sank back into respectful distance and clenched his hand to a fist next to his thigh. Now he felt like he had overstayed his welcome, the weight of everything crushing onto his shoulders. This was no longer his place (there was no place beside Rex Lapis anymore when Rex Lapis was no more) and he was no longer bound to his duties by contract. And yet, a new, shy feeling was inside his chest too, prompting him to ask the question in his heart out loud.
"I wonder if he felt pain his last moments."
"I don't know." Ganyu had come to a halt in the same respectable distance Xiao stood to the exuvia, hands folded in front of her lap. She wouldn't take a human's way to reply with a kind lie in order to make him feel better. Nothing was more healing than the truth anyways. Xiao appreciated that in her.
"Rex Lapis once told me that it's mercy to a warrior to die a swift death rather than die from a creeping one like erosion", Ganyu added. She sounded older when exhaustion dripped from her voice. It must be hard for her too. "I believe he was right in a way, Xiao."
"You call it mercy." Xiao turned around, face incredulous, and met eyes with Ganyu, breathing ragged. She didn't know what her words recalled from his mind, what memories worked before his inner eye for a moment: fellow yakshas succumbing to karmic debt, going mad with rage and regrets because the past didn't allow mercy, slaughtering thoughtlessly without being able to tell friend apart from foe, dying. Their screams against fate, their pleas for it to stop, the deafening silence. The own hateful voices inside his mind that never rested. And due to two archon's mercy, Xiao, still fighting against the same fate to his present day - how was any of that mercy?
Could Rex Lapis be wrong?
Where did this thought come from?
Ganyu pulled the corners of her mouth into a smile and Xiao sighed louder than he intended, averting his head, conceding: "Maybe so."
Considering the alternatives that his train of thought offered, this way he could repay his debt, slowly but surely.
-x-
From there and everything that happened after that, something in all of Liyue changed but it wasn't as obvious as a change in landscape, people or weather. When Xiao looked over the plains, they appeared the same as always, and when he climbed the tree of Wangshu Inn and let his hair and robes flutter in the wind, it felt the same as always. Humans didn't call out more often for his help, sacrificial offerings were given to him rarely, his help was called for almost not at all, and except for the times when Xiao felt the karmic influence himself and set out to deal with it, he stayed hidden away from curious eyes.
He didn't realize that the change lay within him too.
One day (not a particular one, just one day), Xiao's feet carried him north, over the borders of Liyue by themselves. He's been following the traces of the Abyss Order to a remote domain that was brimming with evil energy, and Xiao wondered if he ought to venture deeper. Instead of entering said domain, he finally decided to head the way the traces were coming from.
In retrospect, Xiao could say that the voice of contract and duty had quieted enough to let him hear the enticing call of freedom he hadn't known he had subconsciously longed for. He had known it like one knew an old friend but felt estranged to after a period of long separation. The domain had been an excuse - however, this realization was in the near future when Xiao would come to know Venti.
First, they had to meet and recognize each other's soul.
Following the unfamiliar traces, Xiao found himself walking into foreign territory, following where his feet led. He long had left Wuwang Hill somewhere behind his left shoulder, that he knew, and now the rocky cliff against his hand that had been his guide all this way slowly melted away into mossy stone and warm trees, indicating Liyue's border. Mondstadt, even the rims of it, even the landscape's view from afar, already felt so different from Liyue. Welcoming where Liyue was bustling with busy people. A different kind of peaceful from the Guili plains. Lively, actually.
A wealthy house stood in the distance to his right, so gorgeous and tall that its rooftops were visible from behind soft hills. Xiao wondered if anyone living there could be connected to his search but decided to avoid it anyways because he hadn't come here to be seen.
Before taking another step, Xiao's fingers lingered on the stone to his side as the yaksha was reluctant to let go of this last piece of familiarity.
One breath. Maybe a breath to collect courage, maybe to adjust the warrior's breathing.
With his next step, Xiao pulled away his hand and walked onto Mondstadt ground.
This first time Xiao went to Mondstadt on his own accord, he kept hidden from people's eyes on the countryside. He entered the city unseen, wandered the streets without drawing attention and simply took in the sights around him: people sitting in beautiful sceneries talking, knights going around doing their work, sisters from the church on the very top of Mondstadt performing among pious believers.
And then, there was another performance, one that caught Xiao's attention - under the feet of a gigantic statue below the cathedral, the Anemo Archon. There was a bard stringing his lyre, singing to interested listeners, his voice clear and emotional. Something about him made Xiao stop to listen, made him shift his priorities and stay.
He stopped to stand behind a column of the walkway widely around the Anemo Archon's statue, darted from one to the next to get closer but remaining unseen, staying in the shadows. Here, the closest he dared come, he leaned his back against the smooth stone behind him and settled to listen to the bard's story.
Rex Lapis had loved the storyteller at one of Liyue's teahouses and would frequent the place to listen to him in particular. He had said to Xiao that humans had an interesting way of perceiving and telling history, so different from an ever-remembering mind, so unique. This bard's stories were ... different. Xiao had never shown much interest in the mortals' stories considering how imprecise they were about the Archon War, the things his mind remembered all too well (though there were exceptions everywhere). This here, this relaxed him. The bard's voice was soothing, and his words were drawing Xiao in so that he listened as if this song had been the reason he had come to Mondstadt, not on a whim. Even the voices in his head calmed.
The story was about a red-haired warrior, his head kissed and caressed by the lips of a fire fairy, his soul touched by the Pyro Archon, a story Xiao hadn't known or even heard before. Was it a piece of Mondstadt history?
Xiao leaned the back of his head against the stone and slid down to sit more easily, relaxing his shoulders as well. For some reason, he felt a sense of familiarity, as if he had been in a similar situation once, but he could not remember why. He simply listened until the last sounds of song died away and shattered into wild applause, the bard's reward.
"Dear Mondstadtians, thank you for your lovely praise! I'll gladly be taking you up on your offer to buy your favourite bard the sweet taste of Dandelion wine!"
Xiao felt a sting of disappointment. A shame the bard had finished ... the bard's voice had brought deep silence to Xiao's mind and has given voice to a yearning inside of him that he hadn't known had been sleeping there. It hurt, stung around his chest. His heart was beating faster, and the palms of his hands were sweaty from excitement. It was confusing, unsettling in a way that everything unknown was unsettling. Just that - it didn't feel unknown to Xiao.
How could he make sense of this confusion settling in his mind at once?
When Xiao left Mondstadt as quickly as he had arrived here (fleeing, running), he unknowingly left with more than he had come with. A melody to be precise, like a soft spirit in his mind but warm like an embrace, followed him back home. Persistently, from then on it was floundering around the hateful karmic voices in his head, came and disappeared from his thoughts unasked during whatever he was doing.
The next days, Xiao hummed it while walking home or eating, tried to remove it from the ways of his throat. It was so persistent that when he was resting in the shades, he manifested his flute, lifted it to his lips and changed the spirit's hum into a tune that was carried away in the wind. He played it wrong, he knew it, and it angered him because though he didn't remember the story's words because the rhymes were a bard's ways, he remembered the melody in his heart - not with his fingers. When he played it, it seemed ... off. As if he was insulting the song.
He played it again, and again, and again. Repeated the part that upset him, changed the notes to fit his memory.
"Are you learning a new tune? The song seems unfamiliar." Verr Goldet walked onto the balcony and put a plate of Almond Tofu on the railing, speaking into the empty air because they both knew that Xiao was listening, always was, for the sound of his name. She turned around and leaned next to the plate against the railing, both hands resting on the wood behind her, seemingly talkative today. Her eyes darted around since she couldn't see him if he didn't want to be seen, but as it was obvious from her words, his playing of the flute had been heard. "Did you pick that up on your travel?"
"No." Xiao shifted his weight and jumped forward, appearing on the balcony in the next blink of an eye. He ignored Verr Goldet's surprised inhale and picked up a piece of tofu with chopsticks, frowning at his food. Seemingly, he too was talkative. "Stolen", he corrected her lowly.
"Stolen?" Verr Goldet laughed lightly but he knew her long enough to say that she wasn't mocking him with her questions. "How can you steal music?"
"I was listening in secret. The music was meant for an audience that rewarded the bard with their appreciation. I took the song with me without his approval, gave nothing in return. It means, I stole it."
"Huh." Verr Goldet crossed her arms in front of her chest. Sometimes, she wasn't sure she understood but told herself that Xiao had lived longer than her and thus saw things differently. "It's not too late to return the favour now then", she proposed.
Xiao picked up another piece of tofu, chewed, swallowed. There was more that bothered him about stealing the song. The taste of taken dreams melted on his tongue and reminded him why taking the melody upset him so much. This was another thing he had wanted to never do again.
So, going back to Mondstadt ... what a tempting thought it was.
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The second time Xiao went to Mondstadt, he came with a gift he planned to pay the melody with. He had long thought about it, had wondered what he of all people could bring with him to repay in equal ways (the Liyue way), and settled with something simple in the end.
The search for the bard turned out fruitless. The streets were bustling with people but even though Xiao listened intently for the sound of music and soothing voice he could hear so vividly in his mind he couldn't find the bard again. Asking someone was out of the question, and he didn't know the bard's name - so Xiao left without having his task accomplished.
Returning to Wangshu Inn when he had just arrived seemed like a waste of time and the freshly picked Qingxin would wither unseen otherwise, so the yaksha decided to walk a mile more and visit a nearby Statue of the Anemo Archon since he had the opportunity.
This one was in a beautiful scenery, close to a gigantic rich tree, surrounded by grass and wild winds that could run freely since there was nothing in the way to catch them here, chasing over earth and up the leaves into the distance. The winds played and ruffled Xiao's hair not unlike hands as he stepped to the statue, bent his knee, and placed the Qingxin on the statue's base.
"To the Anemo Archon." He folded his hands in prayer and inclined his head, touching his forehead with his fingertips. His eyes snapped wide open and his head snapped up when a voice answered: "May the winds be in your favour and guide you on your way!"
A familiar head peeked from behind the statue, waving a hand. "You're not a local, are you? Don't worry, the winds are basically everywhere!" The bard smiled, unsuspecting of Xiao's inner turmoils. Xiao was still tense: How had he not felt this bard's presence behind the statue, how had he not seen him or at least assumed that there was a possibility of him not being alone?
And then there was the other side of the coin because the bard's smile was beautiful, even more so from up close. Xiao's staring at him was surely excused by how he'd been surprised, not because of how handsome the bard was.
"No. No, I'm ... passing by." Xiao lowered his hands, focusing on the third, shy feeling he couldn't name, almost suffocated by the confusion he felt. From here, standing face to face with this person, the sense of familiarity he had felt before only grew stronger within Xiao. Had they met before? Wouldn't Xiao remember such a vibrant person, with the way he looked and how warm he felt even from afar? Oh yes, looking at Venti was like ... forgetting how to speak. How to think. Strongly, but the opposite of what Xiao was used to.
Like being wrapped into a cloud.
"Then why don't you stay for a while?" The bard made a gesture to come closer and invited Xiao to seat himself on the statue's base next to him with a pat. He slid to the side to make room for two. "You left so quickly last time I had no time to say anything to you."
"You noticed?", Xiao asked reluctantly as he rounded the statue and followed the invitation. He wasn't sure why he did this. He didn't want to stay, not exactly, and he had given away the bard's gift to the Anemo Archon already. "How?" And yet, he still stayed. Because of the confusion, Xiao thought.
Or maybe the bard wasn't human? ... Xiao would notice. He would feel, he would know.
He didn't.
Xiao's eyes widened mildly when the bard put his head back and laughed from full chest, braids jumping left and right with the motion of his head, and he couldn't help but continue to stare. Not that he had averted his gaze for even a moment before.
"Of course I did, silly! How could I not? You're free to come and go as you please but you know? I wondered if my singing was really so bad that you had to run away."
"It wasn't. I didn't." Xiao cleared his throat. "That's why I'm here."
Right. That's why he was here. The song. The melody.
The bud of an idea bloomed in Xiao's heart and he called upon Anemo for his flute. He exhaled as he brought the flute to his lips and hesitated before breathing life into the first tune. Should he explain, say something ... Unlikely, he barely knew how to lift his tongue inside his mouth and at this pace, his breathing might betray him too.
Xiao threw a quick glance at the bard next to him, studied the curiousity in his face.
Another breath, then Xiao played the first notes of the bard's song reluctantly, almost shily, as if he hadn't been playing it for days and nights before. By the surprised shifting of weight to his side, a motion Xiao registered subconsciously, he knew that the bard recognized the tune from its first notes, though these ones sounded different. Xiao was playing the song more slowly than the original had been (he had played it often enough by now to name the difference), that he added breaks and tremor to parts where there had been none before and that he had taken away the song's words, but the longer he played, the more he realised that he had indeed made this song his own.
Stolen, without approval - yet.
Gifted maybe, soon.
When Xiao let the last note fade away into hopeful tense silence, sounds were drowned out by his own heartbeat. Music was familiar to him in a way that would never reach the familiarity fighting and killing had, but he had never been nervous about it.
"How ... wonderful ...", the bard whispered. His words gave Xiao the willpower to turn his head, the image before him striking him as hard as the Electro Archon's lightning once had, leaving him just as breathless and electrified. The bard had his eyes closed, head inclined and lifted a hand over his chest, whispering: "How touching, how beautiful ... It reminds me of ..." He took a deep breath. His voice was like the soft touch of water from a rivulet against the skin.
"A lonely wanderer beneath the stars", he sang lowly, "his only language is the pain of scars, searching for an answer where none is found, as he's walking through fate earth-bound." The bard lowered his hand, rested it on his thigh, opened his eyes. He brushed his Vision with the tips of his fingers. "I wonder if he ever finds rest. I believe there's more to the story but it's not written ... yet. Thank you for this incredible gift, truly." He smiled up to Xiao.
"No." Xiao shook his head, hand lifted in rejection. "I came back here to ask what you demand in return for the song", he explained to disperse the other's confusion. The bard tilted his head.
"You gave me your interpretation of my song ... is that not enough repayment?"
"No", Xiao insisted. The equality of an exchange was mandatory. "Name your price."
"Fine! I see how it is." The bard lifted a finger, a mischievous glinter entering his eyes. "The melody in exchange for your name then."
"Xiao."
"Xiao ..." Normally, sharing his name didn't feel this personal. But hearing his name from the bard's lips, Xiao felt goosebumps creeping unasked along his skin. He lifted both hands to embrace himself, covering his reaction while he felt his face heat uncharacteristically. "Xiao, it's a pleasure to meet you! My name is Venti! No, before you say anything, I know. I remember Liyue's ways, ehe. You want an equal exchange and I promise it is, when you listen. So, allow me this proposal."
Venti's eyes grew more serious. His gaze brushed Xiao's reddened face, picked up on the nervous fiddling of fingers, lingered on the Anemo Vision on his glove. His cheerful tone didn't give away any insecurity: "Why don't you come again?"
"Why?" If Venti hadn't offered his name, this would've been over. Was this ... another debt to settle? Xiao wondered wearily, but the answer was out of reach for him.
Instead of a response, Xiao got another smile. Venti rose, stretching to the sky and turned to Xiao, joining his hands behind his back, swinging his upper body happily. He confirmed Xiao's feeling that he'd get no definite response by adding: "I think it's time for me to go back. Think about my proposal, yes?"
"Wait!" Xiao rose too. He had held the bard back without a second thought and now these beautiful eyes were keeping him in place with an expectant look to them. Xiao was lost on what he had wanted to say, only marvelled at those deep eyes that looked as if they were waters drawn from Luhua pool, clear, scintillating. "Say, have we met before?" He could only ask the question that was on his mind since they've seen each other for the first time, unable to come up with anything else quickly.
"Hm ..." The wind picked up and messed with Xiao's hair so that he had to brush the longer strands behind his ear, exposing the fine blush on his earlobes. "I think I would remember such a pretty face as yours", Venti answered. "But it's quite likely that I seem familiar! After all ..." He shifted his weight and flashed his fancy Anemo Vision before leaning forward abruptly and catching Xiao's eyes with a bright smile. "We're everywhere. The wind guides us all."
"The wind saved me." Xiao's voice broke away. He knew it then. By the look, or by the feeling, or how the air tasted. He knew who Venti really was.
Then, so many reasons fell into place. Xiao could pile regrets upon regrets but with Venti in front of him, his decision was made:
Mistakes were not meant to be repeated.
-y-
-x-
Coming to Mondstadt had slowly turned into a habit. The city wasn't too far from Liyue and Xiao could be at places he was needed in the blink of an eye, so the only great change to him was that he wasn't spending his time alone anymore. Considering who Venti was, Xiao wasn't particularly worried about his karmic debt either. In fact, the weight of it had lessened recently, was more bearable in the time that they spent together.
"You've been out a lot these past weeks." Verr Goldet might've been the only one who noticed his absence. Sometimes, her intuition was a scary thing, almost not human. Xiao generally didn't show himself often, was barely to be heard by attentive ears whenever he sat on his favorite branch of the gigantic tree. She still noticed.
"There is someone."
He saved me. If not to Rex Lapis, then I will show my gratitude to Barbatos. We're not bound by contract, but this is a duty I want to fulfill.
"Someone?" A smirk, a curious tilt of her head. Xiao grew wary. "So?", Verr Goldet asked. The question was left hanging between them, filling the air while she waited for an answer.
"So what? Why do you look at me like that?"
"Oh, you know. It's rare to see you hang out with someone. Not like this." She made a vague gesture. "I wondered who they might be to you."
"Like this?", Xiao echoed. This wasn't based on her intuition, judging by her choice of words, Xiao was sure. How could she know ..?
"But you weren't ... Oh. Is that it?" Thinking about the only possibile answer to his question, Xiao turned his back to her abruptly. Mortals could be so bothersome, showing interest in things that didn't concern them. "Stop following me. It's none of your business."
"I'm not." Verr Goldet waved her hand again and he could tell by her tone that the reproach had wounded her. She kept it out of her face though like the professional she was. "You're right, it's not my business and I wouldn't pry into yours, I promised. But I heard stories about two musicians in Mondstadt. A traveller who stopped by here was humming the song that I heard you playing on your flute recently. By his description, I had a notion that one of two musicians might've been you."
"What exactly did this traveller say?", Xiao asked, tense. He hadn't imagined that they'd be observed this closely. So many years away from people that he had grown unused to mortals' curiousity.
"He said he never heard a more harmonious duet than the two Vision holders. He felt as if he was disturbing something by listening to you. I figured that you were busy, Xiao, but I didn't know that it was in Mondstadt." She paused, sighed. "You know that I wouldn't have anyone follow you, Xiao. I would never."
"Disturbing something between Venti and me? Foolish. Don't read so much into it." Foolish, he said - but why did it irritate him so much? Venti was a bard beloved by people. If Xiao chose to be by his side, of course he'd be seen as well. Factually, what did it matter how a random person perceived them? Xiao knew the truth. "He saved my life, once, a long time ago. I'm repaying a personal debt. He asked to meet him and I want to express my gratitude. Nothing more."
"As you say."
But the doubts were there, just beneath the surface. No question that Xiao was beyond grateful for the gifts granted him by the Anemo archon, both the Vision that had helped him during the Archon War and the silent song at a lake's shore against the mental madness. Xiao admired Venti too, his skills, his passion, his friendliness.
There still were things not said between them. Just beneath the surface, maybe even unknown to them. But what were they?
"What are you thinking about?" Venti drew Xiao's attention to himself. Xiao stilled and turned his head to look at him, guilt slowly creeping up his spine. They were sitting on the balcony of Angel's Share, Venti leaning over their shared table, legs swinging back and forth. He had been reciting a poem that Xiao had been supposed to listen to. Instead, he had been too caught up in his own thoughts about Venti, had looked at him (the patch of skin above where his sleeves ended, the shape of his neck behind the braid, the curve of his nose) without paying close enough attention to the words. It was so easy to get lost when watching him.
Xiao averted his head and felt the tips of his ears burn - again.
"Nothing", he said.
He had never heard a more harmonious duet than the two Vision holders. He felt as if he was disturbing something by listening to you.
Ugh, why did he have to remember that right now?
"Did you know that the people are talking?", he asked instead, tightening the grip of his crossed arms. The familiar play of muscles beneath his palms was soothing, familiar. (He didn't notice that Venti was looking respectfully).
"Does it bother you?", Venti asked in return and straightened up. He felt that Xiao was bothered by something. He didn't know if he could help, though. Xiao was the quiet type, an attentive listener. His mind was still a mystery to Venti. "We can go to the plains if you want to! Out in the wilderness, only the grass, trees and animals as our witnesses." The mischievous sparkle in his eyes amused Xiao. He smiled.
They took a walk around the landscape and Venti pointed out the different flora and fauna, telling stories that Xiao hadn't heard before. When they were walking below the trees around Wolvendom, they were diving in and out the specks of sun that reached the ground, warmth following the light like butterflies sought out nectar.
Xiao walked to a nearby tree, reached out and plucked an apple. He polished its surface with his sleeve and offered it to Venti before leaning against the bork. Below the canopy of leaves, the sun's warmth was reaching down in spots and warmed Xiao's face. He closed his eyes.
"So, what were you thinking about? What's on your mind?", Venti picked up their conversation from before.
A quick glance from a lidded eye. Venti bit into the juicy apple and wiped away the fruit juice on his lips with the ball of his hand, not averting his gaze from Xiao. "Is it a secret?", he asked, chewing, curious.
"No." Xiao briefly wondered if he should explain himself, talk about the reason why he was here. He hadn't sorted through his feelings yet. But if he didn't say anything, the situation might end like with Verr Goldet - in misunderstandings. "If anything, it's your secret. But you didn't speak about it, so it's not my place to say it out loud either."
"Oh?" Venti came closer, nudged Xiao playfully. "So, you were thinking about me?"
"Yes." The sincerity in his eyes when he opened them took Venti aback in surprise. Seeing the look on his face, Xiao huffed and brushed his hair back, flustered. "In my life, I was blessed by two Archons. One taught me the value of contracts and the other gave me the promise of freedom. I told you before: The wind saved me." He put two fingers on his Anemo Vision, but his gaze was on Venti. "I know who you are, Venti."
"Ehe." Venti caught himself, smiled, unsure how to react. He bit into his apple again. His heart was beating in his throat. This seemed important but also oh so fragile. What would Xiao say? "So?"
"I'm not entirely sure. I know you asked that I stop by from time to time, in Mondstadt. I've done so a lot lately and people started talking ... of course. But I never meant to ... overstay my welcome. Not with how I am. I've always stayed away. If I'm honest, because I knew who you are early, my only goal was to tell you how I feel, Venti, and to let you know how grateful I am to you. A personal wish, so to say. And I plan to fulfill this wish."
"You didn't." Venti lowered his hands to cover their shaking, tried to hide the tremble of his voice too. He didn't like what Xiao said. "Overstay your welcome, I mean." Nor tell me how you feel, Venti thought. But why did this feel like Xiao was saying goodbye? Venti didn't like this one bit. "I like having you around. You can stay."
"It's true that the weight of karmic debt lessens when I'm with you but being with mortals for extended periods is not a good idea. I'm not bound by contract, not anymore, but I still have a duty to fulfill."
-x
When you think about people you might harm, do you put your own desires last or are they your desire? What is it that you wish for?
-x
"Are you leaving?" Venti forced the question out of himself even though it hurt his throat, but he forced it into the silence. Like an ugly blotch it stuck in the beautiful scenery between them.
Xiao's eyebrows contracted, twitched. He straightened up against the tree. "I believe so. I thought about it for a while. I'll do what needs to be done."
"Xiao." Venti wasn't sure what he wanted to say. His chest was throbbing. His shoulders were trembling. He couldn't remember when the last time that he was this upset was. Why did the thought of Xiao leaving all of the sudden hurt so much? Was it because of how it went against Venti's understanding of their relationship, was it because it was so sudden?
"Do you want ... to leave?", Venti asked, Venti needed to know. Venti had thought that Xiao had come here out of his own will, that he enjoyed being here. Had he been wrong? "I like having you around. The people will stop talking and if we're careful, nobody will come to harm. It's not a problem." Why? What was Xiao thinking? "We're ... friends, right? We can stay friends, be together. You don't have to stop your visits."
What do I mean to you? A choice or a duty?
"You needn't worry, Venti. I'm not talking about leaving forever."
"What are you talking about then?" What was your reason for coming here? What is going on inside your head?
"I promised to myself that I'll express my gratitude to you, and I came to do so. With the recent changes I should do so sooner rather than later." Xiao pushed off the tree, inclined his head and bowed, startling Venti. The apple fell from his hand to the ground. Xiao's gaze flickered from it to Venti's face, and he moved forward to reach out for Venti's shoulders, but Venti brushed him to the side.
"Is that it?", Venti heard himself saying. His eyes were burning. "You came here only to do that? Fine Xiao, then listen closely now! If your only goal is to tell me how you feel, then you should do so." Angrily, he wiped away the quick tears from his cheeks. "Every time you come here because you want to be here, tell me about your feelings. You said that's what you're here for, you promised! To me, that's important. It's the thing you want to do, outside of your duties, right? Then do so! I won't ask you to stay because you're free to go wherever you want whenever you want. But keep your promise! Keep it."
"I ..." Xiao lowered his hands. He bit his lower lip and breathed deeply. How come that every time he wanted to genuinely thank his beloved archons, they reacted negatively to it? "I'm not - No, it's a personal duty, a personal wish, I ..." He didn't know what to say. "Venti ..."
Venti sniffled and rubbed his eyes against his sleeve. When he lifted his gaze again, his entire face was red from crying and rubbing his face.
"I want that you stay because you want to stay, not because you feel indebted to me. If you feel that you'll pay your debt by expressing your gratitude", Venti stretched out a hand, palm turned upwards, "then I've heard your gratitude. The next time you come here, you're not bound by duty but by your own desire, Xiao. Because the things you want to say come from your heart. And then you say them. It's as simple as that."
Xiao might've asked then, "What makes you so sure that there's more? How can you know?" or "There won't be a next time. I'm not bound by contract, but I know where my duties lie".
It would've been a lie.
Instead, his fingers brushed the Anemo Vision on his glove - the eternal promise that there was a world beyond contract and duty -, bent his knee and dropped before Venti, head inclined.
Even though the yaksha wasn't sure, he knew that there were things that he didn't understand while the archon before him knew those things. And even though Xiao wasn't used to the idea of freedom and was only granted the promise of it, he thought to himself that he could honor this archon's wishes - not because he was bound by contract.
But because he wanted to.
-y-
-x-
Xiao could make something as terrible as fighting into art. His easy movements, the play of muscles underneath his skin, the grace with which he jumped through the air as if he had wings. But it was a cruel art, one he didn't enjoy, one that had stained his mind and hands and weighed hard on his soul. Still, when Venti asked him to show it to him, Xiao readily grabbed his spear and walked into some distance, preparing to dance.
"I thought about it", Xiao explained afterwards, leaning against his spear while wind played in his hair. "I don't enjoy fighting, killing. But I enjoy the movement, the moments of freedom when I choose how to attack, how to jump. If not for those moments, I might not ... Hm." He shrugged. "I might lose myself."
"I understand", Venti whispered.
Erosion ... something all archons weren't immune to.
Time, too. Time was on nobody's side.
And then there was ... corruption.
Venti hoped that when his time were to come, he ...
"Sometimes, I recognise the look on your face." Xiao had crouched before him and extended a hand to brush his fingertips over Venti's cheek. Venti's heart skipped a beat. He dared not move. "It's okay to be sad, sometimes. If it helps, you can talk to me." Xiao's eyes softened and the smile that other people carried on their lips was inside his eyes. Venti noticed how fond he had grown of this little detail, how much it caught him off-guard to spot this softness in the other's eyes. His earlobes started burning. He laughed.
"I will keep that in mind, my kind warrior!"
Xiao dropped into a seating position, shifted his weight back against his arm resting behind him, restoring distance between their upper bodies. Now their knees were almost touching. It was ... distracting, to say the least.
"I'm in love with the sound of your laugh", Xiao disclosed, his golden eyes brushing Venti's features lovingly. He had taken their promise close to heart, said whatever was on his mind. It should've been easier to understand the yaksha now, with a glimpse of his mind, Venti thought. He made a sound.
"Why?"
"Why?", Xiao repeated, wondering, face open. He tilted his head to the side, thought about the question for a moment. "Does the flower need a reason to love the sun? Does a bird need a reason to love the wind?"
"Oh Xiao, but a flower can't live without the sun! A bird can't fly without the wind!" The realisation came then, once the words had been out, and Venti's breath caught in his throat audibly. He quickly lowered his head so that his braids would curtain the blush that crept from his ears to his cheeks in bright red, but Xiao closed the distance between them, reached out once again and brushed one of Venti's braids behind the archon's ear. His touch lingered for a moment.
"You shouldn't." Venti met Xiao's sincere eyes with a little lift of his head and if any ways possible, the blush around his nose deepened. "You're beautiful."
For once, Venti was rendered completely speechless, void of any words. There had been many situations in his life where he couldn't possibly answer truthfully but for the first time, Venti was in a situation where he didn't know what to possibly say in return.
Xiao didn't expect him to. He leaned back, watched something in the distance. If he noticed Venti's state of mind, he was polite enough to not tease him about it -
You're beautiful, echoed in Venti's mind. He lifted his hands against his burning face.
"You know ... where my form comes from?" His voice was barely audible. Time had reshaped people's memories and his songs had upheld the story of Mondstadt's war, but Venti doubted that many people knew the true story behind his appearance, his relationship with the nameless bard and his own origins. And now, this piece of information was relevant because Xiao didn't know. Xiao didn't know what his words meant to Venti.
"If you want to tell me, Venti, I'll listen." Another tilt of his head, akin to a shrug but not to show that Xiao wasn't interested. Venti thought it might just be something like what he did with his fingers as musician when he flexed them as if he had an instrument in hands, so a warrior had his moves too. Also, Xiao was attentive. He had noticed, of course. "When I said you're beautiful, I meant your soul. Your ambition. Your passion. Your thoughts. Your words."
Venti fiddled with the hems of his cape, really busy with bringing them into a new order. When it came from Xiao, it sounded so easy. But many people liked him because of his talents. That's probably what Xiao meant when he complimented him. Yes, that had to be it. Or maybe because he was the Anemo Archon? He did save Xiao, according to Xiao. And still, these words brought a rush to Venti's face not that different from Dandelion Wine. Could this be "being drunk with happiness"?
Urgh, he had to pull himself together.
"Somehow, words leave me when I'm with you", Venti confessed to Xiao. "It's ironic, isn't it? I'm usually so good with words and you say you admire me for it and here I am, unsure of what to answer."
"I don't think there's a right or a wrong." Xiao had leaned his head back, exposing his throat. "You are wrong about one thing though, Venti. I don't admire you because of your words - you make it sound as if I liked you any less if you had none to say. Rather, talk as much as you want, and I will listen to every word you say. Stay silent and I'll listen to it too. My opinion of you won't change by that."
Venti nodded, chewing his lower lip. To stop tearing at his cape (how would he explain the damage done to it?), he pulled out his lyre and busied himself with the strings instead, giving melody to the restless thoughts inside his head and the ache in his heart. He didn't sing that day because he had no words, only played the lyre until Xiao rose, excused himself and explained that he had to return to Liyue. And even after his departure, Venti stayed underneath the gigantic tree of Windrise and didn't stop playing.
Usually, being here calmed Venti. This was his safe heaven, his favorite spot. Here, the wind was free and the air fresh. Here, only nature bore witness to the quieter sides of him, the times he allowed himself to linger on doubt because Venti loved to dress himself in sunshine and laughter. Like one of his sisters said, there was no time to be depressed and sadness only brought all others down.
Venti had shared this spot with Xiao in a sense. Not in the way when he brought others here and said: "This is my favourite spot, I like being here!" It was hard to put into words, but Venti felt that he had been really seen and through that, somebody else had understood the true meaning of Windrise to him, on a different level than others. Was it because they were both moving among the bonds of fate, because they were immortal, because they were Anemo users? What was the connection they shared? Why did Venti miss Xiao whenever he left?
Venti picked up a stick and drew into the earth in front of him. He didn't think of himself as a good artist but his skill was good enough to picture what was on his mind all the time, or rather, who was on his mind. Venti heard nearing footsteps from some while away as he was working, scratching at the earth with his stick, and still lightly startled when somebody stopped next to him and held a bottle of Dandelion wine into his field of vision.
"Care for one?", Diluc asked. He had had enough decency not to hold the bottle against Venti's head but Venti almost wished he didn't - the cold glass could've startled him out of his burning head, maybe.
"How much will it cost me?"
"This one's free." Diluc waited until Venti took the bottle after another moment of consideration and then sat down next to him on the ground, cross-legged. He pointed at the earth drawing at Venti's feet. "Is that the one you've been spending all your time with recently?"
"It's not what you think it is." Venti uncorked the bottle, sending the cork flying over the grass, grateful for the wine, for its coolness down his throat. Could Diluc read minds and know that this was exactly what Venti needed? Maybe he was the Pyro Archon in disguise, or at least a saint.
With a flick of his wrist, he summoned a gust of Anemo and wiped away the drawing underneath a new layer of dirt, downing half of the bottle in one go at once. Ah beloved wine ... nothing better than Diluc's one ...
"It looks like it's exactly what I think it is." Diluc propped his head against his hand. In comparison to Xiao's genuine sincerity and honesty, Diluc was rather on the earnest side. Not to compare those two with each other. "I barely see you in the tavern anymore."
"I don't need it at the moment." I'm drunk on somebody else. Pft, this is bad.
Venti swung around his bottle, creating a little current inside it. Usually, to get his mind off things and relax a bit, Dandelion wine had been Venti's resort. Not just for the negative moments, but to remember the old times and to forget them too. In a sense, one could say: Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember but where are those who share the memory?
"And why is that?"
"Because Xiao -" Venti stilled, stuttered: "I m-mean. It has been - there has been no need to, ehm." He took another sip and focused on how the alcohol burned in the back of his throat. Though its taste was sweet and pleasant, the taste it left when there was none anymore was addictive and left him longing for more. Like with when Xiao -
What was with those annoying questions today? "Why are you here, Master Diluc?" Venti decided it was best to change topics.
-x-
-x-
Not far away (too far away), Xiao was standing on the balcony of Wangshu Inn, facing in direction of Mondstadt, listening into the silence. It felt different from the silence around Venti and put loneliness into solitude.
"Whenever I go, I want to go back immediately." Xiao tightened his grip around the wooden beams and leaned forward. "I never imagined that ... wanting something could hurt so much."
"You should eat", Verr Goldet reminded Xiao softly. She pushed the plate with Almond Tofu in his direction and Xiao looked at it confused for a second. He had forgotten that this was why he had come here.
"Ah yes", he mumbled, picked up the chopsticks and ate. "The voices are louder again", he added. "I'll be out all - never mind. Duty doesn't wait."
"Have you told him how you feel?", Verr Goldet asked. Xiao directed his confusion at her.
"How I feel? How do I feel?" He rested a hand above his heart. "You want me to tell him about this ache? But I don't feel it when I'm with him. He asked me to tell him only what's on my mind when we're together."
"It won't hurt", Verr Goldet said, torn between thinking that Xiao was joking and knowing that he was not. "That he knows. Who knows, maybe it will even help."
"Help? Help with what?" Xiao shook his head. "Oh mortal, stop confusing me. I can barely think. I need to concentrate - leave." He didn't even give her enough time to answer and jumped off the balcony himself, disappearing into Liyue's plains on his own.
With a look at the remaining Almond Tofu, Verr Goldet sighed. No matter the immortals' wisdom, sometimes they were blind to simple truths it seemed.
-x-
-x-
"This man might be the only one in all of Teyvat to fluster you this much, bard." Diluc polished the glass in hands and put it onto the counter gently. "Remarkable that he loves to listen to you, but you fall silent."
Who had persuaded whom?, Venti wondered but he felt nicely numb and didn't care too much about how they'd ended up in Angel's Share after all. It didn't matter either that he had no money to pay for the wine he had been drinking but oh well, this only meant a couple of more evenings singing here for the guests.
Evenings without Xiao, Venti thought.
Shut up, Venti thought.
"It's just ... it has been so long that somebody ... looked at me like that. Or treated me like that." Venti buried his hand in the back of his head and leaned over the counter. His fingers of his other hand threaded into his braid and he beat the wood with it, frustrated. People always treated him well and the audiences loved him as much as he loved them. And Barbatos was beloved everywhere in Mondstadt, even when nobody knew that he was Barbatos. "He says the most embarrassing things with a straight face and means them. He means every word he says, he's honest and he's upright and he respects my wishes."
If the world could only stay as blurry as it was now, so that he didn't have to think about it. - No, better not. Sleeping was one of the most frightening things Venti could think of because who knew how long he'd be sleeping next time he'd fall into a slumber and what he'd find when he was awake again? Or rather, what he might not find.
"He admires you."
"Many admire me, Master Diluc. I'm the ..." Anemo Archon, he had wanted to say. "Famous bard of Mondstadt", was what he said.
Huh, Venti thought. With Xiao, he didn't need to inch around any topic. He might not know what to say to some things they talked about, but he had never felt the need to keep secrets. He had them, of course, but he knew that if he wanted to, he could say them out loud and Xiao would listen. He could keep them to himself too, though.
"So. Do you see him as a friend?", Diluc asked.
"Yes." Venti turned his head so that now most of his face was hidden by the inside of his elbow. Only his eyes shone from behind the sleeve, his hair, his hat. Diluc was still asking those annoying questions. What was the use of them?
"What if he kissed you?" Diluc had filled the glass with water and put it before Venti. He seemed to enjoy this a little too much. "Would you want him to?"
"W-what." A hard gulp, the idea of it rushing through Venti's body as if one of Raiden Shogun's lightning had gone through him (he didn't know that somebody else used this comparison too). Why would Diluc ask that all of the sudden?! "Don't be ridiculous!"
"You're blushing hard, Venti."
"It's the wine!" Venti grabbed the glass of water and drank it all at once, hoping its coolness would help with his face's heat. It didn't.
"Fine. Then let's go a step back. What about hugging? Holding hands? Did you imagine you two doing that? Would you like to?"
"Why are you asking that?" Venti was tempted to just storm out of Angel's Share to get back his peace of mind, but he was convinced that in his state, Diluc would catch up to him in no time. "Master Diluc", he whined.
"Personal interest. Helping a local citizen out. You should see you two from my perspective. Hm." Diluc crossed his arms in front of his chest, pondered. "If you were a flower, then with him you're in full bloom. If you were aging wine, then with him you have reached the perfect maturity level. If you were a poem-"
"I get it!" With a moan, Venti buried all of his face in his arm. It was the wine, it was the wine, it was only the wine. "I get it, stoooop. Why are you torturing me, Master Diluc? What have I done to you?"
"Well, would you, bard?"
Venti thought about holding hands. He thought about holding hands with Xiao. It was too easy to picture Xiao before his inner eye, see his typical movements, imagine his reaction. But he didn't know how Xiao's hands looked like, he had never seen them without the gloves - did Xiao maybe paint his nails? How would his skin feel to Venti's touch? How would his fingers against Venti's look like?
And then, hugging. Bodies were made for hugging - why else would his head fit perfectly in the shape of Xiao's shoulder? Not that he had tried it. He had thought about it, yes. Would he want to?
"I don't know." Venti really didn't. "Give me more wine, Master Diluc? Repayment for the suffering."
"No. And promise you'll think about it."
"No? Why not?"
"You're indebted already as it is." Diluc's facial expressions softened. "Go home, bard. It's late. And when you wake up tomorrow, consider what we talked about."
-x-
-x-
Unfortunately, the conversation was the only thing Venti thought about the next few days. If Xiao noticed how jumpy Venti was and how quick he was to blush because of a brush of their shoulders or hands, he didn't comment on it. However, what Venti failed to notice, was Xiao's own troubles. Earlier, it had been no problem for him to be close to Venti. Now, he felt as if in a constant high fever when he was close (worse than the feeling of karmic debt could be but also more intoxicating in a sense) and he had to stop himself from reaching out to touch Venti or swamping him with compliments all the time. The little details that were so naturally Venti now stopped Xiao's heart from beating and his lungs from breathing and he could only stare, marvel.
-x
I can't stand the time without you.
-x
Xiao had promised he'd voice every feeling he felt but he had never felt like this. He didn't have the words to describe it.
-x
I can hear you even when you're not near me.
-x
"Venti." How long has it been going on? How long did he want it to be going on?
"Yes, Xiao?" The way Venti said his name as if it was something precious, something he had to safekeep, something beloved. It made holding back so much harder.
They were sitting on a cliff above Falcon Coast, watching the ocean, talking about nothing in particular. Venti seemed to be elsewhere with his thoughts but by the change in Xiao's tone, he turned to him. He was always beautiful, but with the wind in his hair, the sky in his back and sunlight in his eyes, Xiao forgot how to breathe.
"Do you remember my promise?", he asked.
-x
I used to look at Liyue Harbor but now I'm always looking North instead.
-x
"I do." Venti fiddled with his fingers. Xiao sucked in a deep breath, reached out and closed his hand around Venti's. He felt as if his arms were weighing the weight of hundred Primo Geovishaps when he tightened his fingers around Venti's hand. His throat felt dry. The touch was electrifying, sending shivers up his arms to his brain, slowing time around them. Only Venti's eyes existed in Xiao's mind.
"I-" Xiao cleared his throat, felt his face burn. "I'm not sure how to say this."
"Yes?"
Xiao lifted their hands and brought Venti's flat hand against his chest, where Venti could feel Xiao's heart beat extremely fast, betraying how nervous Xiao was. Xiao lowered his head, found it hard to look Venti in the eyes now, so he looked at his wrist instead. Incredible to be allowed to hold this hand. "This is what I feel", he explained, whispering. "Every time I'm with you. Every time I look at you. Even when I'm just thinking about you."
Xiao closed his eyes, waited for a response. The silence dragged on, not sure for how long - grew deafening. Had Xiao not expressed himself clearly enough? Too clearly?
He let go of Venti's hand, preparing for ... what? He looked inside of himself to see if there was enough courage to look up at Venti's face again, but he was scared. What if he saw rejection? Disappointment? Why would he see any of those?
Venti fell forward, hands wrapped around Xiao's shoulders and suddenly, he was pressed against him, shaking. Only a second had passed. Only a second, but this, it had felt like eternity.
"Xiao! Oh Xiao!", Venti exclaimed. Xiao was frozen, overwhelmed, didn't know where to put his hands. Venti ...?
Xiao grew even more confused by Venti's next words: "Do you think it's a disease that only immortals can have?! Oh what if I infected you! I'm so sorry, Xiao, I'll ask Albedo about a remedy, or Lisa, we'll find something! We can cure you, it's bad enough that you're suffering from the karma already! I never wanted this!"
"Venti. Venti, what are you talking about?"
Quickly, Venti loosened his grip around Xiao and leaned back in Xiao's lap, enough so that they could look at each other, and Xiao's hands came to rest on Venti's hips naturally.
"I feel the same!", Venti exclaimed, wringing with his hands. "I'm constantly feeling hot and can't stop thinking about you and all my songs are about you lately. I think the people can't hear it anymore! And we've been spending so much time together, I must've infected you with this somehow! At first, I thought it's a disease from Celestia only meant to target us archons but if you have it too, then it must be something that only immortals suffer from! Nobody else in Mondstadt understood what I was talking about but all of them looked at me with a strange look so I think that it must be new or unknown to them. But all of them have tried to warn me, have laughed and called it a funny disease ... oh ... I'm so sorry that I infected you!"
"Venti." Xiao was stunned. Venti ... felt the same? For Xiao?
"Master Diluc said that I should - that I should -" Venti gasped for air. His fingers wound into Xiao's hair at the back of his head, and it happened so quickly - Venti closed the distance between them and pressed a kiss on Xiao's lips. The next moment, he covered his face with both his hands, running red. "This must help!"
And Xiao laughed. He put his head back and laughed freely, happily, with shaking shoulders, until he cried, but he had never been so relieved in his life, never so open. When the urge died down a bit, he bowed his upper body forward, leaned to Venti and kissed the fingers loosely covering Venti's face, kissed the tip of his nose, the lips that he could reach.
"It's not a disease", he said, felt like shouting it, felt like laughing again. "And if it is one, then I wish to suffer from it forever. Heal me, Venti, and may I never heal from it!"
"Xiao ..." Venti lowered his hands and Xiao took them into his, pressed kisses into Venti's palms, on his wrists. He loved these hands, loved the person they belonged to, and his heart was singing now that he could touch Venti after such a long time of not being able to, of holding back. How had he ever had the strength to hold back?
"You mean ... it's not a disease? Xiao", Venti laughed, unsure.
"I know, Venti. Venti." He repeated the name like a chant, kept it on the tip of his tongue and his eyes widened by the taste of it. "Venti."
"Xiao!" Venti reached into Xiao's hair, ruffled it, giggled and cupped Xiao's face, pressed their foreheads together.
Before this day, Xiao had never been completely free of his duty because his duty was to protect people and he'd always put himself behind everyone else - but so did Venti of Mondstadt too without that anyone had ever talked about it. And what about their desires?
Following their desires ... to freedom.
-x-
-x-
Since then, nothing could stop them anymore. Immortals don't measure time like mortals do but wherever they were together, time didn't matter. Little details however did.
"You baked me a pie?" Venti took the offered plate and lifted it to his face, breathing in the lovely scent. His eyes started shining when he recognised the smell. "Apple pie?"
"I asked the boss to show me how to bake one. Apples are your favorite."
"You planned on spoiling me today?" Venti turned, asked Sara of Good Hunter for a knife and cut the pie into small pieces, offering one of them to Xiao.
"I heard the sisters say that it's your birthday." Xiao politely declined with a lift of his hand. "I have more gifts for you, but you might want to eat first."
"Oh? Are we going somewhere, my brave warrior?" His words were interrupted by the bites he took of the apple pie. "Mmh this is truly tasty, Xiao! You're a true chef!"
"Hehe." Xiao pulled at the ends of his right glove. Venti watched attentively how Xiao pulled it off his hand and put it into a pocket dimension he had got from Cloud Retainer and made a habit of carrying with him. Usually, Xiao hated the sight of his own hands; it made him think of dark times when red had been their predominant colour. With Venti's coaxing, Xiao sometimes gave in. It made him happy to hold hands without gloves.
Once Venti was finished eating and ready to depart, Xiao rose, swooped Venti off his legs and picked him up into his arms with ease.
"Hold on tightly." Xiao smiled down on his beloved archon and waited until Venti shily wrapped his arms around his throat. In Venti's eyes, two emotions were having a silent battle and he was caught between his blush and the thrill of adventuring.
"Where are we going?", he asked.
"You'll see."
Xiao dashed forward using Anemo as he usually did, but held Venti safe in his arms so that the rush wouldn't shake him. Most of his run Venti kept closely pressed against Xiao and yet once or twice, he also turned his head to look at the glimpses of surroundings he saw from time to time, curiousity winning the better of him.
Mondstadt melted into Liyue, trees and grass into stone and plains. Xiao stopped only when he had reached Wangshu Inn and even then he kept them from mortal eyes by jumping elegantly the known ways up to the gigantic tree's crown. Only there he softly put Venti on his feet again but didn't let go of him, holding him in his embrace.
"I gift you this view", Xiao said, proudly. "You showed me your favourite places, so I'll give you mine too." He pointed north. "There's Mondstadt. You can't see it but it's there." He turned to point somewhere else, named the other places that could be seen from up here. Qingce Village, Dragonspine, Mingyun Village, Yaoguang Shoal. Venti watched, listened.
"Thank you", he said softly when Xiao finished, hid his face against Xiao's chest for a moment. "It's a beautiful gift."
-y-
-x-
Having one's Vision taken away meant losing all ambition, meant falling into the mind's depths and suffocate with regrets and fears. At least it meant succumbing to the darkness for mortals, but not for the last yaksha whose only desire didn't change even after the loss of his Vision.
The time to talk about this had come, though the song we're about to sing is a dark one, and incomplete.
The change wasn't evident or strong at first. Time had passed and times had changed and when the changes to Teyvat after Rex Lapis' death had been invisible to everyone but a yaksha's eyes, then the changes by time were everywhere now. Nothing of it had mattered to Xiao.
"My valiant companion, my only light." Venti extended a hand, called upon a gust of wind, eyes upon the heaven. "Would you do me a favor? Let us have a fight?"
"A fight?" Xiao blinked. He held his spear regularly in hands, though humans had been fighting more than him in recent times, but he had never wielded his weapon against a god before. Not after he had been saved by one. Not after the Archon War's ending. "You want me to attack you, Venti? Why?"
"Could you?" There was something in his tone, despite his playful face, that made Xiao stop to think seriously, though he knew the answer well. He imagined how he could injure his beloved by accident, immediately rejected the very thought of it.
"I would never forgive myself for hurting you. Ask me anything else, even if you want me to do the impossible, and I'd attempt it for you. But don't ask me to fight you, Venti. I'll never raise my weapon against you." He extended a hand and Venti let himself be pulled closer into an embrace, which he didn't reciprocate. Something was on his mind. Could Xiao see his face, he would've seen that the look in Venti's eyes was uncharacteristically dark.
"Xiao, listen. I need to tell you something." No, not dark. Haunted. Xiao would've known this look. He had seen it. "Not here", Venti murmured. "Let's go … let's go to Windrise." He wound out of the embrace, still not looking at Xiao, and Xiao felt how cold fingers closed around his heart, slowed his heartbeat, chained down his breathing. He had never felt such a distance before.
-x
Xiao's world was in front of him and he didn't need more. Wherever they were together, it was fine.
-x
"Say, had Morax ever talked about erosion?" Venti gazed up to the familiar canopy of leaves, back turned to Xiao so that Venti didn't see the look of blank horror on his face. Erosion – how much he hated it. But why did Venti mention that? Was there something about it that was connected to Rex Lapis' death? Why bring it up all of the sudden? It didn't matter anymore, so many years have passed since then – except –
No, Xiao thought. He shouldn't think ahead.
"What did he say?", Venti asked in the following silence. Xiao crossed his arms in front of his chest.
-x
Rex Lapis stood tall even in the distance, his broad back promising safety, his strong arms showing his might. This was the god Xiao remembered when he thought about the man who'd saved him, when he remembered the feeling. This was the archon he had looked up to. The immortal he had wanted to be.
"Every warrior loses sometimes", Rex Lapis said. Xiao stepped closer to him, stood right behind him. He felt that this was his place.
"What's the price of losing?"
"A life." Rex Lapis gripped his spear tighter. "If things go worse, two lives."
-x
"Two lives", Venti echoed. He turned around to look at Xiao and the question hung between them heavier than an imminent storm about to break loose. They knew each other well, and Xiao feared the answer he might get from Venti's face.
There was no audible answer. Instead, Venti exhaled, reached into his hair and undid a braid. Xiao spotted a violet strand in otherwise black hair, a desperate twitch in the corner of Venti's mouth, and felt like he'd break down. He might've, if he hadn't been so shocked.
Corruption.
Xiao stared, felt like the world was turning upside down. He was all too familiar with this angst that settled in his heart, knew the feeling like he knew the back of his own hands and now it frightened him even more. He lifted a hand against his eye when voices exploded in his head, laughing at him, mocking.
"Tell me …", he choked out, dropped to his knees. "Why did you not say anything? How long … did you have to carry this burden by yourself?"
"I'm sorry." Venti dropped before him, hands extended, his peaceful features contorted and in pain. "I'm so sorry, Xiao, my brave warrior, I'm-"
"Don't be. Don't be sorry." He took those hands that he cherished so much and pressed them against his burning face, took solace in their coolness. He clung to them, shaking because of the injustice that the world would force someone like Venti to suffer. If he could, he'd double or triple the weight of his karmic debt, if it meant relief to Venti.
"Xiao, I …" Venti hesitated. "You know how I feel about this."
Xiao knew. He looked up, his eyes hard, his mouth a line on his face. "I would never forgive myself for hurting you, Venti. Ask me anything else, even if you want me to do the impossible, and I'd attempt it for you. But don't ask me to fight you. I'll never raise my weapon against you, Venti", he repeated his words from before, giving each sentence the emphasis and weight it seemed to have lacked before.
He understood what Venti was implying. He knew that were he on Venti's place, he might've chosen to follow this duty too. He knew that both of them put themselves behind their people, were ready to make sacrifices in order to protect, to save.
His desire didn't allow it. Selfish, maybe, but if anything, Xiao didn't want that Venti lived in the same hell as him.
"It's the same with Morax, Xiao. A swift death would-"
"No", Xiao interrupted with unmovable certainty, shook his head, held onto the dear hands. He loved Venti, loved him for all of this, thought him the strongest there was. Now, he wanted him to be weak, selfish. "No. I don't think it would be a mercy. Never."
"It's the only way, Xiao."
"It's not!", Xiao insisted, too loud. Anger clouded his eyes and stirred the hateful voices in his mind but he suppressed the urge to shout out and scream because of the injustice Teyvat was doing to this soul he loved. Oh, Xiao would set fire to all countries and repeat Khaenri'ah if it saved Venti.
He knew all too well that Venti would not want that. Because like Xiao, Venti would rather sacrifice himself than make others suffer. Xiao hated this as much as he admired it. He knew that he was being unreasonable. He wanted to be unreasonable.
"Xiao." Venti leaned forward, clung to Xiao's top, fingers in fabric, head averted to the ground. "I ... don't want to. Lose control, destroy, hurt others, you. I don't want to ... go either. But we all do."
Stop being reasonable. Stop talking about duties.
This was the first time Xiao wanted to stop Venti from talking.
"Xiao, hear me out. You're the only one I can ask this. Who I want to ask. Because I trust you deeply and I know I'm asking the impossible of you! But if it's you, then you'll listen, right? You'll consider it?" Venti's chest rose and fell rapidly. "Would you kill me if I corrupt and lose myself? Would you do that? For me?"
"No!" Xiao pressed a desperate kiss on top of Venti's head, bared his teeth when he pulled Venti closer, held him. "No, I won't! Not ever." He growled, his heart breaking into two. Raise his weapon against his god, kill him? Venti was right, this was asking the impossible. Gods, he had wanted to be tasked with something impossible but why this?
"Now you listen to me, Venti! Instead of blindly following this way, I will promise you something else, for you: if you corrupt, if you lose yourself, then I won't kill you, but I will save you, Venti. This is the only way, for me: to save you and keep you safe, no matter the circumstances. I'd do everything. I swear it!"
"What if you can't?", Venti asked, his voice meek. But there was hope and Venti wanted to believe.
"Then I'll try again! And again. As many times as I need to."
Venti exhaled, turned his head so that his forehead rested against Xiao's chest. His tense shoulders relaxed, not so his fingers. Those beautiful, long fingers of a musician, clean of blood. They were a warrior's fingers too surely, with the way they pulled a weapon's strings as elegantly as an instrument's, but they weren't made for bloodshed. The opposite was true about Xiao's pale hand against Venti's back.
"You make it sound so easy, Xiao. With you, I could conquer the world or pluck the stars from heavens, subdue the Abyss or even storm Celestia. Nothing sounds too big to handle. Us two." Venti's breath tickled Xiao's throat. The sensation helped him calm down too.
He had sworn it to his god. He had sworn it to himself.
He'd keep his promise.
They sat in silence for a while, Xiao holding Venti tightly. Venti played with the panel of fabric that hung on an ornament loosely over the part of Xiao's bare back, brushed his fingers over his skin, along Xiao's spine. He seemed to follow a pattern, think of a story, or maybe he was completely elsewhere with his thoughts. Xiao was content with breathing Venti's scent.
Then, Xiao sang.
Xiao never did. He had a lovely voice, which he had only used for his flute to bring the hum in his throat to life through the instrument and yet, as they sat beneath the tree, Xiao sang, a song they both knew by heart – from the time they had first met.
Venti listened in awe, listened carefully to the beautiful voice that carried strength, carried pain and hurt but also deep love and admiration, and it brought a smile to Venti's face. How come there was a person like Xiao in the world who was ready to do everything for him, but would also step in to stop him from doing foolish things? Xiao had once said that if he could, he'd pluck the stars from heaven and lay them to Venti's feet and Venti had laughed and said, "Silly yaksha, then the world would turn dark at night! It's fine with the stars up there."
It made him believe that everything would be fine and if it wasn't, then Xiao would make it fine..
-x-
Sometimes, in the far distance, a lovely voice could be heard but the person who this voice belonged to was always gone whenever curious listeners arrived to listen.
However, in its place, the fresh glaze lilies were left behind in full bloom – flowers that were said to only bloom in special occasions, to the right voice.