The Last Time I Saw Him

by Thoseeyesoh

John Sheppard has a lot to deal with on his latest mission and all without the aid of his team who believe him missing, possibly killed. Just how is he going to tell them he is alive but in need of help? *COMPLETE*

2. Chapter 2

The Last Time I Saw Him

Chapter Two

SGA SGA SGA

Following my team to the infirmary took on a totally new perspective for me, and one I was starting to find interesting as I listened into their conversations; freed up for me by their lack of awareness at my close proximity.

A haze of all over body pain and nausea fought with dizziness for superiority as I stumbled after them and tried to keep up with their fast pace, brought on, no doubt by their eagerness to get the health check over with and then figure out what they could do to help me.

How I hated to witness their distress like this. They knew I hated anything that would bring about unwanted attention, and to be fair, with the exclusion of Rodney of course, Teyla and Ronon were very much like that as well, so I vowed not to mention my eavesdropping to them when this was all over.

I hoped it would be soon.

"I should have listened to him when he got one of his 'spidey' sense moments!" Rodney blurted out.

"When was that Rodney?" Teyla stopped walking and held his arm briefly before retracting it when he flinched and at the same time I walked through him when he stopped walking abruptly.

"Did that hurt you?" she asked, worried.

"No…not really, just a slight buzzing in my arm…strange."

"Would you allow me to try that again?"

I watched as Rodney held out his arm tentatively and Teyla slowly reached out her hand and placed it on his arm once more. The relief was obvious on his face when he felt nothing this time but I stuck my head past Teyla to look at his arm anyway as if I could see something they couldn't. I didn't though.

"Strange!" Rodney said but shrugged it off, as did I.

"Come on, we are wasting time." Ronon's gruff voice urged them onwards and I ran to keep up.

"What did John say to you Rodney?"

"Nothing really, he was just giving me that look- you know the one…"

I wrinkled my nose in wonder at what my 'look' was as I limped/ran in front of them whilst they walked to check out their expressions, but they all just silently nodded in unison.

Unsatisfied, I did vow to try and figure that out at some later date.

"… He asked me to hurry it up and then the Mayor invited him to see something he thought he would find of interest…and I never saw him again."

I couldn't help but automatically put my hand on his shoulder for a second and then realised as my hand went through him my mistake. Damn it Rodney, don't go all melodramatic on me. That I don't want to witness.

Did Rodney just flinch again?!

"I never trusted the Major from the very start." Ronon said.

"Well in hindsight, we call all say that, but that is not helping Sheppard. Once Carson or Keller, whoever is there today, sees us – and I should go first, by the way, so I can get to my lab and figure this out."

"Let's hope they are both there then, because Teyla and need to get going also Mckay!"

Boy these two did bicker more when I wasn't there it seemed… enter Teyla…

"And we shall all get on with our missions to see what happened to John in as quick a time as we can, so let's just calm down and do what we can to find out what happened."

Good old Teyla!

"What happened was, he probably died! And I was too wrapped up in their power source to notice he had left the room I was in and then vanished into thin air."

More than vanished – I'm bloody invisible you idiot! I screamed out loud to get rid of some tension and then regretted my outburst that nobody heard anyway. I scrunched up my fists and held them tight by my side as I followed them in silence. Nobody spoke again until they reached the double doors and then my heart done a flip of joy when Carson AND Keller walked towards them and pointed to the various beds they were to sit on.

Bet Carson will take Rodney, I thought.

"Right then Rodney, I heard you fairly shouting down the hallway and that was with the doors shut and a long way away, care to explain the temper this time?"

Ouch, they didn't know yet.

Teyla stepped beside him and intervened before Rodney would blow a fuse at the unsuspecting Doc.

"John is missing on the planet we just left and feared dead in an explosion and we have no way of getting back to the planet as the chevrons are not engaging. Woolsey left it to us to tell you as we came here straight away and, may I say, in a bit of a hurry to try and figure this out."

Carson looked between Teyla and Rodney and over to Ronon who was with Keller with his mouth open and I hung my head. To see all these emotions on my friends' faces was getting quite hard to see and I felt like screaming, "I'm here, I'm here!"

"Sorry Rodney, I was out of order there."

"No big deal. Teyla said it though, can you hurry this up? I need to get to my lab."

Carson seemed calm and patted the bed. "Right, lie back and relax whilst I do my checks. Teyla luv, you lie down yourself and I'll get your checks done next and you can tell me what has happened."

"Thank you Carson."

The gnawing pain in my stomach wouldn't go away and I pushed a clenched fist into it to try and stem the nausea, but it persisted and I watched with horrified jealousy at the care and attention my team was receiving and realised I had never truly appreciated just how much Carson, Keller and their staff, cared for us. Every touch was delicate, studied and careful and I watched, horrified, as sometimes this was met with an annoyed look or a yank back of an arm – in Ronon's case – but they persevered regardless and I started to wonder if they had a manual on how to deal with awkward patient's because, boy, my team were the star antagonists – perhaps I was worse of all. I hung my head in shame and vowed to change my behaviour in future - near future please.

Tired, I slumped down in the chair between Rodney and Teyla's bed and allowed myself a moment to shut my eyes and listen to what Carson asked of my team and noticed that their replies were sometimes slow in coming and I realised that this was the usual time when coming back from a mission that you sorted out all that you had gone through and catalogued it into the specific areas in your brain you wanted them stored.

I realised I must have slept for a while because the next thing I knew, Rodney's bed was vacant and a nurse had moved on to Teyla's bedside and was drawing blood from her whilst Carson was looking at her blood pressure results.

"All good lass. Are you okay?"

My breath caught as I watched her slowly nod without answering. Carson sat on the end of her bed and pushed her booted foot gently. "Not fooling me! You worried for the Colonel?"

I leaned forward in my chair and went to speak, to console her, tell her I was right here, but I forgot I couldn't again.

"This time Carson, it seems impossible to know what's happened to him. If he is alive he could be hurt and we have no way of getting back to him."

"We've been here before. He is resilient remember. He'll be back."

"I hope so Carson."

"Doc's right Teyla." Ronon added, now leaving his bed – and after giving the nurse a sly smile I noticed. Something I must remember to investigate later. I smiled at that.

"It's just…it's just, this time, I wasn't there to see what happened to him. We were outside speaking to these people one minute and then the next…we were sent through the Stargate without John. Why Ronon, why?"

"Dunno, but we will find out. Doc, are we good to go?"

Carson scratched his head. "Well everything looks good. I suppose you are cleared to go through the 'gate again, but, and I stress, if anything happens to you when you are away, you come right back here immediately, do you hear me?"

Teyla leaned forward and smiled her golden smile at Carson and again I wished I was on the receiving end. "We will come right back to see you."

Keller, who had come back in the room, laughed out loud. "Somehow I doubt that Carson, what do you think?"

"Years of experience with Colonel Sheppard's team has taught me to never trust a word they say unfortunately."

Carson said this jokingly enough I thought, but now as I watched the rest of my team leave the infirmary discussing their plans, I saw his face fall and his eyes met Jennifer's without his usual twinkle and I felt sad. Not for me and my predicament, but for the heavy load of the worry that we…I seemed to put on his shoulders.

"This is a strange one?" Jennifer said and crossed her arms.

I got up, albeit stiffly, from my chair and stretched my back out until it clicked into place.

"Sure is." Carson replied and picked up some of his equipment. "I worry this will end badly. No Stargate, an explosion where they thought he should have been, no-body seen him prior to they all woke up from a sedative or other. He is like an antagonising little brother at times and I have never met anyone so downright stubborn but on the other hand he is the most loyal, caring and forgiving individual I have had the pleasure to know. I hope he comes back for all our sakes or I'll never forgive myself."

I watched as Carson placed his hand over his heart and I stopped to wonder what he meant, he had nothing to do with this latest mission!

"If I hadn't sat in the chair back on Earth and fired that bloody drone that almost killed him, he would never had been brought down below the ice to see the expedition in all its glory and, well, the rest is history."

Jennifer laid a placating hand on his arm and turned him round to face her.

"Will you stop saying that Carson. I told you last time that it is not your fault."

He thought like this often?

"But it is though Jennifer!"

I raised my eyebrows as Jennifer took in an extra big breath and let it out whilst rolling her eyes at him. "Carson. John is a big boy, he can fend for himself, make decisions by himself AND he thrives here. From what I have gathered, THIS, here on Atlantis, is where he calls home and, to be honest, he IS Atlantis. It needs him. You don't know what would have happened to him if he didn't come here. He might have crashed or been sent back to Afghanistan, or… do you see, the list is endless?"

Carson cocked his head to the side, I liked when he did that, he looked vulnerable. "Thanks, lass. By the way, you seem to thrive here too."

"We all do I think." I smiled at her smiling then. It was broad and full of knowledge. "Come on, cuppa?"

"Once I've been to the lab."

I pushed myself off the bed I had been leaning on and watched Keller give him a knowing nod of the head before moving off to his office to make the tea. I felt a sad feeling come over me. I didn't know why, I just wished I had paid more attention to the people I care about. They seemed to understand me more than I did. It was a bit disconcerting – AND they were right, this was my home.

I allowed a few seconds of lethargy and then shook myself and tried to run to catch up with Teyla and Ronon but an overwhelming pain in my stomach came over me and I felt my legs buckle and my knees slammed painfully onto the hard ground, and, because no-one could hear me, I let out a pained scream; both for my stomach and my knees. Lying on my side seemed easier and I curled in on myself and clutched my stomach before reaching down with one hand to rub my knees. Then I involuntarily slid out of the way as Carson came back into the room and would have walked right into me if I hadn't been invisible. Funny how I still drew my legs up as best as I could anyway but he walked through me and I let out the breath I had been holding as he passed by stopping once to rub his shins for some reason.

Alone.

That's how I felt. Alone and in pain and with two doctors right there, it was frustrating to say the least. I wanted medical aid badly and I couldn't even get a tissue for my runny nose. Great, now I have a cold!

A quick wipe with the back of my hand and I looked at the red smear left on it in horror. Add blood to the equation and you have one 'done for' Lt. Colonel John Sheppard. Oh yeah.

I felt extremely weary and I knew I was going under again and I just wanted to let it. Too tired to do anything else but stay in the infirmary, I at least made it to a bed before I collapsed on it and willed sleep or unconsciousness to come fast. I'll figure all this out later thank you very much. What's Carson saying now?...

Carson took the offered mug from Jennifer and she thought he looked puzzled.

"Carson?"

"Funny thing. I could have sworn I heard John earlier, like a soft snore."

"His snore?"

Carson laughed. "Yeah, you get to know each individual's snore after several years you know."

"Actually, you are right, so you do. But there are no patients at present, so you must have imagined it. You were probably just thinking about him."

"You are right. I just hope he is okay."

Jennifer just smiled a sad smile and took a chair and put her feet up on the other side of the desk and closed her eyes.

"We'll be here for when he does get back." She announced correctly.

SGA SGA SGA

I slowly paced up and down the various hallways, frustrated at times when one of my team would go in a room and the door would shut behind them, prohibiting me any access as I could not open any doors myself. All were silent when I did accompany them as they hurried about and loneliness took on a whole new undiscovered meaning. Eventually I was on my own and the hours were the longest I had ever known. The day advanced into night and when I was sitting on the floor outside Rodney's lab, pushing my fingers into my forehead to try and alleviate the pain there, both Teyla and Ronon returned with no leads and Rodney admitted he had found no way of gating back to the planet that would be shorter than the month's travel he had already worked out. I looked on and listened as they resigned themselves to resting for the night and would meet in Woolsey's office at 09.00 hours in the morning to regroup and think out their next steps.

Tired, aching all over and the occasional nose bleed annoying the hell out of me, I sighed and wondered what to do with myself. I could not interact with any technology and the only sleep I could grab seemed to last a few minutes at a time. I followed Teyla and Ronon and then stopped.

Rodney.

He always stayed up later than he should do. I'll stay with him and see what my verbal sparring partner gets up to, I thought.

Of course, I had walked too far and by the time I arrived back the door was shut and I couldn't open it… Why not? I don't know! Can't touch anything, that's why bloody not I shouted out again and giving myself a sore throat in the process...I was getting a bit annoyed to say the least about the whole thing.

I whooped when Rodney actually opened the door but then seemed to change his mind about going somewhere and turned back inside. I needed no prompt and followed him in.

"Rodney?" I stupidly asked, forgetting …again!

"Ah haa…"

I fair jumped – he heard me!

"…I knew that 'gate would talk to me eventually."

"Rodney, are you talking to yourself?"

I spun around and watched as Woolsey walked into Rodney's lab, just a second behind me.

"Um…yeah, I suppose I am, since superhero isn't here to check up on me."

"Rodney." Woolsey said slow, not in warning but more with a gentle note, chastising none-the-less, I thought.

"What? He's gone and got himself disappeared yet again. I can't cope with this every time we go on a mission…"

"It's not every time Rodney."

"It's not every time Rodney!"

I did laugh at us both saying the same thing. Perhaps I was more in tune with Richard than I thought.

"Near enough is all I'll say in the matter."

I watched Woolsey calculate his next reply and was pleased he relented easily as I wanted to know what Rodney had been doing this past while.

"What are you doing?"

Again with the same wavelength!

"I've been looking at the survey the MALP done of the land as we first went through and compared it to how far reaching the explosion was, well from what little data the MALP sent back anyway."

"And…" Woolsey thankfully prodded as Rodney had gone quiet.

"And, there is no way …if he was in that building! He would have survived the blast."

My head lifted high then at these words and I realised that Rodney had resigned himself to the fact that I was gone.

"Could there have been a cellar or something deeper in the ground that he could have been in?"

Rodney seemed to consider for a moment before standing up suddenly and walked towards his main computer but then back to Woolsey and sat in his seat with a dejected sigh.

"I did not pick up on that when I was there or now. Only these damn black doors were an enigma?"

"I see."

"Do you?... Do you? Because I don't! How could he just disappear like that?"

"Perhaps Rodney, and I am sorry to say it to you, but perhaps he was in some room, through these doors you mentioned …and was blown up in the explosion. Perhaps we will never know. I will log him as M.I.A just now, but I will have to change that to K.I.A. if we don't find him…or a body…soon."

"Fine. No pressure then."

I grimaced. "That's not what I meant Rodney, and you know that."

Grumpy, neurotic, genius Rodney simply nodded his head in agreement and returned to his screens to start studying more data and I watched Woolsey quietly leave him and the door swish closed.

"Why do you do this to me every time Sheppard?" Rodney said the words out loud so gently I almost missed them but they could have been bellowed out in the loudest pitch; that was the effect on me.

"Sorry pal!" I said quietly, knowing that it would never transverse the airwaves between us.

SGA SGA SGA

The more I heard my friends speaking the weirder it got, funny thing was, I didn't know myself what had exactly happened to me.

The Mayor, whom I had been getting increasingly annoyed at, was hinting very grandly, that he knew about my ATA gene, but I was not entertaining him. I had already had several objects mysteriously follow me about, somehow landing on the very shelf I was directed to or wall alcove. I just knew they were hoping against hope that I would touch one of them and show off my ability to switch them on, light them up or whatever.

If I focused, I seemed to remember the doors that Rodney kept mentioning, and being pushed rather than ushered through them by the Mayor Tarb'at's right hand man, and of a sharp scratch and then falling into a table where I knocked everything off it and as I fell into blackness, for whoever knew how long, until I started to wake again, I found the Mayor looking around and shouting out orders; but it all came to me in a mumble and I couldn't quite make out what he was saying for the roaring in my ears. When my vision and hearing returned in harmony with each other, I had got the impression that the Mayor was not interested in me anymore as he totally ignored everything I was shouting at him.

"Bloody hell!" I chastised myself, "I must have been invisible to him too at that stage - I must have touched something on the table after all.

I laughed almost manically at this situation and thought things through urgently. So the Mayor must have known I was listening and had the audacity to continue on with his superior attitude with me, demanding my cooperation; thinking he had the upper hand on me to obey his commands – To what? – So that I would stay with him and ask him to help me with the invisibility issue…actually that would have been good in hindsight! Ask what they wanted of me? Well that was obvious – everybody wanted the damn gene.

But what of my team? He sent them back with that stupid note. Did he really think they would just leave me there with him?

That's it!... he actually has no idea that I returned with them. The note saying not to come back was because he thought I was still somewhere in their building. What then of the explosion? Was that an accident? I thanked Carson for his great 'bloody hell' description, because it seemed to work for me today!

Bloody hell!

I eased myself up off the lab's floor, realising that I did that without too much pain or stiffness but still I remembered that I was not feeling my best and the occasional stabs of pain could be quite debilitating; posing another question – they had injected me with something, just what?

Dammit! I needed answers from the Mayor and by all accounts, it looked like he was now dead and I was back to square one.

A squeak of chair moving and I followed Rodney's gaze towards the door and smiled at the struggle I could see on his face – do I get something to eat, or do I stay here and work non-stop?

Move it Rodney, you know you need to eat?

Laughingly, I watched him waggle his finger towards the door in a fashion so unique to him; like he was thinking at the same time and quickly slipped out the door with him.

I was feeling hungry though and with no way to fulfil that desire, I now grew cranky at watching others in the mess hall consume food with careless abandon. Whatever was causing this invisibility, may have been a good thing to fight the wraith with, but ultimately it was not the best way to go about your day, and especially if you could see no end to it and it could quite possibly kill you from starvation at the end of it.

Unsurprisingly, Teyla and Ronon were seated at our usual table and I sat down in my chair and watched them gorge on the good stuff, Ronon did eat awfully fast, it was a wonder he didn't suffer from indigestion.

"Are you alright Rodney?" I heard Teyla ask him. Was he? I doubt I wasn't watching him close if Teyla had to ask him that with a worried expression on her face.

"Yes, no…um, well, does anyone else keep getting electric shocks running up your arms?"

Both Teyla and Ronon shook their heads and then we all turned to look at him.

"When did they start?"

"I suppose since we came back from the planet. I thought it might have been something to do with the sedative, but if you are both okay?"

"M'good." Ronon said gruffly and Teyla shrugged her shoulders. "Perhaps you should see Carson, he said to return if anything happened."

Yeah Rodney, Carson's now!

"He will only poke and prod…"

"And see if he can help you." Teyla got on at him.

"Fine, I'll go. Anyway, what are you two doing here? I thought you went to sleep ages ago."

Sleep. Eat; what's that like? I moaned to myself.

"We did. We can't."

That's it Ronon, say as few words as possible and still get the point across. Wanna run buddy? I sighed, knowing the last part was never going to happen.

Before now, when I would come to the mess hall, I would just collect my food and sit down and enjoy it, but now, I realised I could walk in amongst the residents of Atlantis and eavesdrop on their conversations without anyone realising it. Could I benefit from this whilst this was happening to me? I doubted it – it wasn't my style so I tried to tune out the chatter that was behind me and all around me and just concentrate on my team.

I must have greyed out again for a while, because they next thing I knew I was on my own again.

Bloody hell!

I ran to the double doors but they were shut and I looked around desperately to see if any one showed signs of finishing their meal and leaving the hall. It took a further fifteen minutes for Michaela, one of the cooks, to wave goodnight to whomever had taken over from her, and make her way out.

She opened the doors and I could have kissed her. I slipped out and half jogged towards the first of my team's rooms. Teyla's.

The lovely thing about Teyla was she would speak to anyone and listen to their problems with a compassion that was rare to find in anyone I met, so it was no surprise to find her outside her open door to her quarters speaking to someone about a matter I had no wish to be involved in, so I slipped into her room quickly, just as she stepped back in it herself and the door slid shut.

Oh boy! Idiot me! Was I going to have to stay the night in Teyla's room like some pervert watching her! Say the invisibility wore off and she found me there?!

Ohgodohgodohgod!

I slid down the wall and hugged my head to my knees, grinding my eyes into the bone of my knees as if that would take the vision of Teyla going to the bathroom away for good.

Please let her come out from her shower fully clothed!

Luckily for me – and Teyla, I had one of these blacking out moments I seemed to be getting more and more, because the next thing I knew, she was in bed but sitting up, reading her tablet – and thankfully clothed.

I couldn't help but just stare at her a little bit longer than a comfortable moment, as she was so beautiful, I had to snatch some reward from this trial.

Golden hair and skin gleamed under her small light and I smiled when she smiled at what she was reading and frowned and wanted to pacify her when she frowned at something distracting her. I hated the fact that something or someone could take that sereneness away from her. No-one should ever hurt her feelings. She did not deserve to have anything but respect and positive attention come her way.

Fighting the urge, but giving up on staying away from her after all, I stood up and sat on the end of her bed, taking liberties I probably did not deserve.

'Some-one to watch over me'.

That song came into my mind and I wished I could have affirmed in Teyla's mind that I would always watch over her. She probably knew that anyway – but maybe not in the way she would think. Romantically, I knew I probably loved her – but as Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, Military Commander of Atlantis, I had a duty to care for my team and I couldn't make things awkward for her if it was not reciprocated.

"Love is often blind" Ella was right singing that line! I never imagined it to be so literal though.

Soon, Teyla shifted and I felt like a voyeur again so I quickly went back to the wall beside the door and hoped it would open somehow.

After ten minutes, I noticed Teyla was getting out of bed again and I averted my eyes. Her door chimed and I watched her put away her ear piece. Someone was here?

As soon as she opened the door, the same woman she was speaking to earlier walked in, her face wet with tears, but I ran out as quickly as I could and breathed deep. Hands on knees, I watched the door shut and felt a twinge of regret that I was leaving her.

I walked aimlessly for a while, trying to avoid private conversations, until I felt the familiar pains in my stomach make themselves known and I had to bend over and walk slow for quite a while until I decided that I would make my way to the infirmary again just in case I would somehow become visible again and at least I would be with Carson or Keller and they could take the pain away.

I couldn't believe my luck – the doors were open! Joy!

There were no patients on the beds and I had a rare chance to watch Carson sleep on his cot. He was deep by the looks of things, but I noticed he was fully clothed and I smiled, almost with a tear in my eye, as I noticed he had clutched in his hand, his pen light, as if he was ready to jump up into action – always the penlight first – I hated the bloody things!

There truly was no finer doc than him…Keller a close second. Together they were some team.

I lay down on one of the beds and groaned out loud – nobody could hear me – I could let loose, blessings for some things.

I was frustrated, tired, hungry, and the pains in my entire body would not go away, in fact they seemed to be getting worse; my stomach demanded a constant fist in it but at least the nose bleeds had stopped.

"Doc?" I heard myself call, as if from far away. But of course, he did not hear me.

Dammit, I was really hurting now. "Car..son?" I tried again with real emphasis in trying to wake him up.

"John…?"

My eyes were screwed shut with pain and I rolled from one side to the other on the bed and when one wave of pain stabbed so hard I jolted up into a sitting position and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw standing in front of me, Carson, looking like he had seen a ghost.

"You…you see me?" I asked of him, the pain making it hard to speak.

"John?...Yes, yes…faintly – and I mean faintly, it's like you are shimmering. Is that really you?"

I nodded, teeth clenched. "I've been here all along. Doc…I'm in pain, can you do something for…"

"John…where did you go?" I watched him spin around and then look right through me again on the bed.

"No, No…" I shouted out, as I must have disappeared from his sight again, and would have laughed at the situation, but I saw Carson run his hand over the space he thought I had just left and I knew it was now very serious.

I grimaced as I watched Carson draw back his hand as if he had received an electric shock. "John, lad. Where are you?"

"Right here, Carson. Right. Bloody. Here."

A heavy weight came crashing down and landed on my heart and mind and made everything heavy and disorienting. My vision went out and in, and my heart hammered in my chest. I gripped my stomach, held my head and would have screamed out my injustices if I didn't feel the dark start to claim me and I let it come once again. This time, at least, thankful that someone knew of my predicament. I just hoped that when I woke up again, something had been done about it.

SGA SGA SGA

TO BE CONTINUED.