The Last Time I Saw Him
Chapter Three
A/N: I've taken artistic licence with this story, so if something doesn't make sense with Ancient equipment – I'm sorry in advance – it's all make believe!
SGA SGA SGA
"…he said he was in pain…"
"…heard that?…"
Through roaring sounds in my head I was sure Carson and Rodney were speaking, but opening my eye lids to see was another thing, as they felt like they were weighed down with heavy weights. Eventually they opened to a slit.
"…how…possible?"
"Oh no!...John…" I heard Teyla add.
"I'm fine Teyla, Carson will look after me…" and I stopped; suddenly aware again that I was still invisible. Everyone had their backs to me as they all huddled around Carson who was sitting down and receiving the sole attention in the room. He looked pale and Jennifer was obviously worried about him, as she was taking a good hold of his shoulder to ground him.
I tried to raise myself up on shaky arms but I had weakened drastically since the last time I was awake and just let my body fall back down and sighed, absentmindedly clutching my stomach, not sure if the gnawing pain was building up to be the same as before, or if it was hunger that was causing it – maybe both!
How I hated this, I felt incapacitated and couldn't stand another round of watching everyone so miserable and unsure. Normally, whilst unconscious, of course, I wasn't privy to hearing all their thoughts and see all the emotions play out on their faces. I would have stared at the ceiling and find a nice spot to settle on, but more was at stake here than avoiding the situation, so I shifted on the bed until I was finally upright on the pillows and tried to breathe more calmly.
"But how could that be?" Ronon's voice sounded a higher pitch than normal and I was dismayed to see how much this was affecting him. "Can you see him now?"
"Oh my goodness, can he hear us?" Rodney added, and I did notice he looked nervous and amazed at the same time.
Everyone now turned to look at my bed where Carson had obviously pointed to when he first told everyone of his vision of me, and I felt my face flush with embarrassment and self-consciously drew away until I caught myself again, even though I felt like shouting out to stop them watching me. Even invisible I could still be self-conscious.
"No, I can't see him now and I don't know if he can hear us but I think he heard me though."
Crap, Carson's voice sounded tired. I must have gave him a fright.
"What I did see briefly though, was the Colonel looking like he was doubled up in pain and he was mouthing something unintelligible to me. Like he was crying out for pain relief … if I had to guess."
And the prize goes to!….I thought. Damn, some pain killers would be very welcome right now.
"He could be here now, so…."
The strain to stay awake was already hitting me again and I fought it as the nausea once more reared its ugly head and I turned on my side, automatically taking position to spill the contents over the side of the infirmary bed, but even though I gagged, nothing came out and I was so happy at that as it was never a pleasant experience. Still, the feeling of being sick flowed in and out, like waves and I longed for deep sleep to take me again and get rid of this fatigue I was currently feeling.
Take me again it did; it must have for a minute or two, as all of a sudden Carson had his face right over me in my personal space and a shrunk back into the pillow.
"Ssh everybody for a minute." Then. "Colonel Sheppard, son? John, are you there?"
"Aye Carson, now get back, you are a little close!"
But I could tell that he couldn't hear me this time and Carson's face grimaced as he slowly stood up and pointed to the bed.
"That was the bed I last saw him on, but I cannae hear or see him now."
"What if you put your hand on the bed and you actually touched him?"
I shuffled back up the bed, regardless of weakness. I had no idea where his hand would land!
Carson looked at the bed and then at Rodney. "Do you think that was the tingly feeling you had in your arms and shoulder; could you have come in contact with him…or he touched you? … And come to think of it I felt something similar in my shins earlier? Bloody hell, that was low down near the ground, I hope he wasn't lying there hurt or unconscious!"
"Maybe because you two have the ATA gene, you could try again to touch him or hear him?" Teyla said.
Yes! I shouted. Please; if this was going to have a positive outcome!
Carson nodded at Rodney and he tentatively reached out his hand towards where he thought my foot might be and I watched him chew his bottom lip as his eyes went wide, perhaps wondering the same thing as I thought – where would his hand land?
It was no-where near me though and he kept it pressed to the bed, I stretched my foot out further until it actually went through his hand and I watched for a reaction.
I felt nothing, but Rodney withdrew his hand immediately when my foot touched him and cradled it like it was burned.
Carson was at his side. "Did you feel the same tingle?"
Rodney looked at the head of the bed where I was watching, interested. "I did. Bloody hell…John, he's there isn't he? Please try and speak to us?"
"No can do it seems Rodney!" I said quietly and then shouted it out loud for my own gratification.
Woolsey stepped around to the other side of the bed, his fingers on each side of his mouth moving slowly up and down, deep in thought. I looked from him to Carson who was also now trying to touch me. Once again, I put my foot in the place he was touching the bed and the raging pain came back at me again in my stomach and I withdrew my foot and curled up into a ball on the bed, rocking slightly and taking deep breaths to ride it out. It was no coincidence that I was like this in Carson's presence again, I thought, as every time I was near him I hurt really badly.
Carson looked at his hand. "I felt something."
"Yeah, so did I!"
"I'm going to try hold him longer this time." He said before I could shrink back.
The pain of his touch had me writhing on the bed and I squeezed my eyes shut, only to open them quickly again when I heard the doc's shriek. "I see him, I see him… John?"
I gritted my teeth, enduring the pain induced touch, and reached out my hand towards him and he tried to grab it but it just went through me and I couldn't help but scream as the pain increased in value.
"John, John…oh god, I'm sorry! I won't touch you again…"
"Carson, what is going on?" Rodney butted in and this time no-one corrected his loud shout, as they all seemed to want to know what Carson was seeing all of a sudden.
"He's..he's…ach it's hard to make out. I see him in the middle of a shimmer …just parts of him. He's on the bed, as I suspected, and twisting and turning in pain it looks like."
Woolsey stepped up to put his hand on Carson's shoulder; stilling him for a moment. I turned to look at him.
"Colonel Sheppard, I want you to know that we are working very hard to bring you home. Sit tight."
My eyes caught Carson's and I nodded my confirmation.
"He heard you Richard." Carson said quietly.
Teyla now had her hand to her mouth in shock and I wanted to tell her not to worry. I did indeed have faith in every single one of them and knew they would find a solution to my problem soon.
"Carson. Where is his hand? I wish to hold it?"
Carson gently took Teyla's hand and held it to where I was now holding mine up and kept holding it there for a good minute that had my bottom lip quivering and I gulped as I withdrew it, too weak to hold it up any longer. Carson seemed to know that I was done for now and turned to my team.
"Go. He needs help. We must get to the bottom of this soon as he is not looking too good."
Ronon thumped the wall beside my bed and I watched a bit of ancient plaster, or whatever they used, crack and fall to the ground.
"Easy, buddy." I cautioned silently.
I latched onto Carson as a life line again and moved my lips slowly and articulately, hoping he would understand me, but I watched as he looked at me with compassion and worry as he could not decipher what I was trying to say.
I fell back on the bed and put my hand over my eyes, not wanting him to see how much I was hurting emotionally.
Minutes later must have seen my team move on out of the infirmary because the next thing I knew it was just Carson sitting on the chair beside me, watching me; or so I first thought; but then I noticed that his gaze had staggered movements and not fixed on my face at all. It looked like I had vanished again.
"…so just hang in there and we will get you out of this." He finished his sentence.
"Can you see and hear me still?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
Carson just remain still and would occasionally reach his hand out to touch me, but the two occasions we had shared did not make it to three, and I withdrew my hand from where he was holding the bed with a sigh. We both felt the failure of the connection and I turned back onto my side and stared at Carson's worried face, wishing I could materialise in front of him and we could both benefit from the time spent.
I started to clock watch; something I always hated to do, but it was becoming important that I never saw the next hour in this state…and then the next…next…
Team mates, Woolsey, Carson and even Lorne came and went, all speaking words of hope, trying to offer words of comfort and I knew they were trying to keep my chin up. I would tell them when I was back, just how much I appreciated it. I suspect that I dozed through most of it as I just seemed to hear snatches here and there, but their kindness was enough to ground me.
The Mayor's words reverberated around my skull that I would die from whatever he put in me if I didn't stay with them and activate all that they had laid out for me; including some power source they were very excited about. Upper most, was how to tell Carson there was some device injected in my neck and was probably killing me; leaking out some poison that only they had the cure to. The power source, if still intact, would have to wait.
What was it with these Pegasus planets? Why were they so hell bent in drugging me? Wanting me to do this, that and the next thing for them.
I shifted on the bed and was losing the battle to be sorry for myself …that alone made me mad. I had no right to sulk!
The fact remained that, in all probability, the Mayor had no idea I had gone through the 'gate with my team as I was beginning to regain some memories of my frantic run towards my team when I realised that I had touched something Ancient that had caused me to turn invisible. The Mayor had frantically tried to find me and it was quite amusing to see him quickly lock the heavy doors just as I slipped out – he probably thought I was still there; if he was still alive!
Rejecting all these thoughts, I remembered my shock when, now walking outside, a limp and unconscious Rodney Mckay, was dropped like a sack of potatoes on some sort of flat metal motorised float alongside Teyla and Ronon, who seemed to be in the same state.
I tossed on my bed as I now remembered the desperate run I had to do to jump on board it myself; invisible or not, I was not staying behind without them and then only to feel myself passing out as the 'gate grew near. They had dumped my team on the ground beside the 'gate and, even though I could not touch them, I looked into the faces of each one, willing them to wake. Whatever they had given them was not a long acting sedative and they were starting to stir. Their strength spurred me on and I resisted the urge to fall into darkness and I remember rising on shaking legs as they read that note and, eventually, having no more way of helping me I knew, I watched as they made their way through to Atlantis, so I threw myself into the vortex to stay with them, knowing I was leaving the answer to my predicament behind me.
Pain again, and I arched up off the bed, a muffled scream escaped and I searched for the calming face of Carson and realised, with horror, he was able to see me once more and was witnessing the painful attack I was having to ride out.
"Colonel?"
He spoke softly and with sympathy and how I wanted him to be able to skilfully slide an I.V. into me and push a shot of morphine to take away the harsh and brutal pain that was my only physical companion at present.
I reckoned he was out of words as he watched over me and just leaned in further, continuing to watch my face and wincing when I clutched my stomach and rolled my head on the pillow.
"John…I'm sorry I can't help you. I feel helpless. If I could do something for you, I would."
I nodded and shook my head. Just don't touch me, I mouthed. Any extra pain was off the menu. My lack of pain meds was not his fault, but something I hoped he could rectify when Rodney or Teyla or even Ronon would figure this out - and they would, it was just a matter of clock watching until that time came.
I zoned out for a while and when I next opened my eyes, Teyla was there sitting beside Carson and she smiled when he told her I was awake.
"John. It is good to hear from Carson that you are awake again. How are you?" She clutched the bed sheets when she realised she had made her mistake.
"I am so sorry John, you cannot answer that to me directly. Forgive me?"
No…no! I couldn't stand to see her in distress over this and shook my head again at Carson.
"It's okay lass, he understands. I'll, erm, be back in a couple of minutes."
Carson got up from his chair and I grew panicked that he would not return and be my interpreter, but he obviously knew something I didn't between Teyla and I. We didn't need any words between us it turned out. Teyla put her elbows onto the bed and clasped her hands. I covered them with my own and stared into her eyes and moved my head until she was looking at mine – coincidently her eyes tuned in on mine at the same time she smiled and I imagined she really could see me all along and I just lay there watching her for a few minutes as she whispered reassurances and positive thoughts to me, almost keeping track of my eyes the whole time.
Tired, my arms grew heavy and fell with a thud, heard only by my ears, onto the mattress but I held her gaze and hung on to every word until Carson came back and smiled sadly at Teyla saying he couldn't see me anymore. I had no say in how long I could remain visible to Carson it seemed.
"Sleep easy John. I will be here." Teyla said sadly.
I nodded. I knew that. I didn't fight it anymore and let myself go, knowing they would all watch my invisible back.
SGA SGA SGA
The clock flipped its plastic hour numbers three times until I woke up this time – who knew these movements could be so loud! Still, I was grateful for the longer sleep, although it also seemed to have disguised my continuing weakness and I lay like a puppet with my strings cut, unable to even move my head up or reach out with a hand, never mind an arm.
Teyla?
Carson?
Dammit, they had deserted me after all – no, wait, what's that sound? Oh bloody hell, the pain, make it stop?
Carson was suddenly there with a panicked look on his face and he looked so apologetic, I wondered what was happening for him to look like that.
Ronon's dreadlocks came into view before his distressed face showed itself to me and I wondered what had happened for him to look like that also. Slowly I blinked and then Carson was trying to get my attention. He could see me again and was pointing to something just out of my field of vision.
With herculean effort, I turned my head, straining my neck, to see him pointing towards the Ancient Scanner.
Ah, did he think my body would show up on the screens?
But it was causing me more pain I was sure – if being touched by someone with the gene made the pain grow,– what would this diagnostic machine do to me.
I chewed my bottom lip and took a deep breath in and then out.
"Can you make it son, over to the scanner?"
I didn't think I could, in all honesty, but Carson looked so beat up about it and Ronon was hovering as if he could catch me if I was to drop, knowing just fine he couldn't as well – so I moved over to the side of the bed and let my booted feet drop to the ground and, what Ronon had obviously expected – fell to the ground.
Carson came running to that side of my bed with a cry, Ronon following beside him and then howled with exasperation at his inability to help me.
"Is he hurt?" He bellowed.
I put a hand up in the air waving it and Carson knelt beside me.
"I'm good." I looked at him cheekily with my usual answer, trying to dissolve the mood.
Carson, though, wasn't buying it and smiled sadly in my direction.
"He's stiff and in pain and it looks like it's going to be a hard thing for him to make it to the scanner." Carson stood up, and from my view of the floor, as I tried to stand again, my eye caught on to the fact that Rodney was now standing beside him as well.
"Tell him that we managed to get through the 'gate again to the planet. Oh, and that the explosion was all a bluff and that they orchestrated it because they wanted it to look like you were dead because they wanted to keep you for your Ancient gene…oh, Carson, tell him that it's because of the interaction between the drug they gave him and touching the device that causes the invisibility – much like a certain Lucius's shield really– tell him that it leaves him both invisible and hurting…"
"Rodney!" Carson shouted so I was startled. "You have just told him yourself, you bloody idiot!"
"Oh, yes…So I have. Well, did you get that Colonel?"
I screwed up my eyes and Carson got my message. "Loud and clear!"
Okay, so now I knew what was going on. But the scanner? What was it going to do for me and did they have the cure to whatever was causing my decline?
Carson must have read my facial expressions because he hunkered down beside me whilst I had sat down on my butt for a moment to regroup and stare at Rodney.
"John, take it easy. Breathe slowly…that's it." He smiled and I smiled back. "We know how to help you but as you are invisible we cannot administer the drug into you that will reverse the effects and we need to know where they pushed a small device into you that the poison is leaking from."
I quickly pointed to the back of my neck and Carson hunkered down to take a look as I moved my jacket collar back for him to see.
"The trouble is, son, that I can only see you in a sort of shimmer, so it is making it hard for me to know the exact position, hence the…"
"…scanner." I finished for him and he nodded, reading my lips. "Gonna hurt…a lot!" I mouthed and looked at him worriedly.
Ronon also hunkered down beside me and silently leant his support with a stupid smile spreading across his face that I mouthed to Carson I would knock off of it when I was feeling better.
I laughed as Ronon punched me in the shoulder and I pretended I felt the hit for his sake.
I cringed though, as I knew that if Carson's slight touch was painful, what would a huge and Ancient – literally -scanner do to me.
Trust.
I had asked my team on many occasions to trust me, so this was one of these times when the tables were turned. They must know something I don't, I thought. Trust was the order of the day.
I managed to get up and slowly made my way over to the scanner with Carson and Ronon walking by my side; of Rodney, there was no sign anymore. Teyla stood by the scanner so I moved to be with her. There was a table I hadn't noticed before, with various instruments, syringes and hand held scanners laid out that made my blood go cold at the sight of them all.
"All for your good Colonel, now can you get yourself lying down on the scanner's bed?" Carson could obviously see me better than I thought as I had tried to act stoic upon seeing these items.
"The Mayor assured us this would work you know." Rodney. He was back.
"Sheppard, just lie down already!" Ronon couldn't stand the pressure any longer it seemed.
"Ronon!" Teyla chastised. "I'd like to see your reaction if you had to go through this." Wow, that silenced the big man.
I heard him grumble to himself and then Teyla was in front of me, coaching me onto the hard bed. I could never refuse anything she asked of me so I obliged and hobbled over like an old man and, after the pain hit so bad I was doubled up, I forced my aching body to lie down and looked into Carson's face as he was telling me that he would be right here to help me once the machine had done whatever it was it was going to do to me.
"Great." I exclaimed to him. Just bloody fantastic!
And what that machine did to me, I hoped never to describe again and severely hoped the memories would diminish quickly.
As soon as Rodney had finished inserting the codes he needed, he joined the rest of my team, Lorne, Woolsey, Keller and lastly Carson with a syringe in his hand – oh joy! – and waited on the light show that heralded the cold, silent breath taking experience that was pain in the highest order. It stripped my words in mid-air as my silent scream left my mouth and was cut short by the horror of it all. A thousand daggers stabbed and ripped at me, tearing my flesh away and putting it back into a cloak of new, unblemished smooth skin that tingled for what felt like days, but was in fact, from what I was told later, only a couple of minutes. Enough.
The Ancient devices, programmed in the correct way, and with the correct codes - provided by a very contrite Mayor with a shiner – brought me out of the invisibility and I flickered for a moment before I felt the release of my body back into its normal state. I was whole again.
Teyla made to rush forward the moment I appeared, but Carson held her back with his hand and wasted no time in helping me; he pushed me quickly to the side and found easily, thanks to the scanner, the small device the Mayor had injected into me, and pushed through the life-saving drug to counteract the poison that had been almost completely injected into my system. I knew I had had only minutes left so it had been close.
A touch on my shoulder from Carson and I jerked – not used to bodily contact in a while it felt strange.
"Take it easy, Son. You are back with us. I just need to do some checks. That okay with you?"
Carson's tone was gentle and comforting and I could only nod as I was still feeling the lingering effects of the drug leaving me whilst it knitted by body together until I was whole again.
A hand slipped under mine and squeezed tight and I turned to look at Teyla and tried to smile but even that was hard work. I could feel her squeeze my hand tight again whilst Carson worked on me, sliding home that very I.V. I had wanted and then I felt the cold rush of fluids invade my body but Teyla brushed the back of my other hand and it was so comforting I could feel myself fall asleep.
"Don't fight it John." I heard her say. "We will be here when you awake. You have been through so much, it's time to just let go and recover."
I thought about fighting the lethargy but Carson had other ideas and two more unknown injections coursed their way into my veins and I smiled stupidly up at my team and the two doctors before turning my head to the side to see Woolsey and Lorne wave towards me. I raised my hand to wave back but that was the last time I saw them until two days later.
SGA SGA SGA
"So sleeping beauty awakens."
"Rodney, I keep telling you he might not be aware yet, it's still early days."
"I hear …you."
"What…"
Carson was by my side; I could tell, as he lifted my wrist and felt for my pulse.
"Just wait Rodney!"
I put him out of his misery and opened my eyes to look at his expectant face and then Ronon's broad smiling face looking down at me. Carson moved into focus and I looked at my friends, grateful to have them actually see me.
"It's…" I coughed and Carson moved to get the usual ice chips and they tasted like nectar. "It's all over?" I asked when I could.
Rodney squeezed my ankle and laughed when I jerked it back. "Feel that?" He said whilst laughing.
"I swear, Rodney, I will bar you from visiting the Colonel if you do not stop doing that to the poor man."
Ronon, I noticed, slapped Rodney on his arm and glowered at him until he looked as remorseful as somebody as dense as Rodney could be.
They had no idea. I loved it. Loved the banter and the rows and the anxious faces. It meant, not only was I alive, but that I was very much back in the land of visibility and wise cracks.
"This will knock you out again, but you need the medications to recover. Next time you wake up, you will feel more lucid." Carson explained.
"The Mayor?" I rasped and Carson was there with more ice chips.
"Still there. The people in his country are dealing with him and ordering his punishment." Woolsey updated me. "He was being watched as it was, but it all happened too fast for the town's people to know what he had planned for you. They are very sorry for what you had gone through and they worked with his scientists to get the correct formula to help you recover from the drugs."
I nodded, taking it in. "The invisibility?"
"Rodney figured that bit out by searching the Ancient database…look Colonel, we will tell you everything later. Just rest just now."
I nodded again, just pleased everything was calming down at last.
Carson shooed everybody away from my bed and Ronon fist bumped me which I found especially amusing. The touch was not unwelcome.
I was drifting off when I remembered Teyla, where was she?
I think I muttered her name out loud because the next thing I knew was a familiar cool hand taking mine and of the other one landing gently on the top.
"I am here, John. Just like I said."
"So you are." I smiled at her and was pleased to receive one back. "Thank you Teyla, for staying with me." And then I shamed myself by giving out the loudest yawn.
"You need your sleep. We will talk when you wake up again."
"Aye, lad. All the ins and outs will make themselves known to you later. Sleep, Doctors orders."
"And mine." Teyla said cheekily, but I wanted to talk to her, tell her she was a guiding light when it got so dark.
I heard Carson cough and straighten his jacket. He patted my head and was soon out of sight, leaving just Teyla and me alone.
She smiled a smile I had not seen on her face before and I knew, with a jolt, it was reserved for me. Her head came down on my chest and I easily raised my hand for it to land on her hair and I stroked the silky strands until, as she told me later, my hand slid off the bed and she picked it up and tucked it under my blanket.
SGA SGA SGA
"Ready to kick some butt Sheppard?"
I heard Ronon come out onto the balcony to join Rodney, Teyla and I as we watched the sunrise two weeks later and inched my head in acknowledgment as he came closer.
"Yup, but don't tell Carson."
"Too late!"
I whipped my head around as the man in question walked towards me with Ronon laughing beside him at his deliberate ploy to get me in trouble.
"Wish you lot were now invisible." I grumbled and lied, but I laughed along with everyone else and life was good.
"Do you wish that of me too, John?" Teyla whispered at my side.
I grabbed her hand and held it up to my heart, not caring if anyone else noticed.
"No, Teyla. I think you know the answer to that." Her smile back told me she did.
"So guys, something I have been wanting to ask you all?" I asked, plucking up the courage.
"Go ahead Sheppard." Ronon said, still laughing.
"Do I have a certain facial expression…or something, you all find, well, amusing?"
I watched as everyone stilled and it was up to Rodney to speak first. "I knew it! We knew it! You listened in to all our conversations didn't you? Well, didn't you? We must have alerted you to something that made you ask that! You are shameful Sheppard! "
I started to back away, suddenly regretting I had ever asked, but was stopped by man mountain and the others blocking my way and looking thoughtful "Were you following us about Sheppard?"
Crap John! Way to go!
SGA SGA SGA
I sat at my desk; finally allowed back to light duties, and after working for a few hours, I sat back in my chair and thought of the last time I had seen Elizabeth, Ford, my parents and many others and thought how grateful I was to have known all these good people in my life.
Teyla walked in the door.
I pushed back my chair and she sat down on my lap and I smiled up at her dreamily. I then snuggled my face into her neck. Right now, I just wanted to feel her and know that for now, I had everything I ever wanted right there and it felt good.
SGA SGA SGA
THE END
Awe! A wee bit John/Teyla to finish with!
Goodbye and take care.