This is set between e6 and 7 of s5, as in 6 Anna finds out that Bates knew about Mr. Green and in 7 they seem so happy with each other again in the beginning.
I hope you'll like it. I thought long about the time between Anna's assault and their first time after and since we never exactly knew when Anna was ready again, I decided after s5e6. I just think their smiles in the beginning of e7 are hinting something :)
Anyway... do you have suggestions for improvement? Feel free to tell me! Enjoy!
"I'm ready."
The words sounded like a charm in the dark night and John, who had been almost asleep already, was suddenly wide away.
"Ready for?" he asked and felt his wife move next to him. She turned to him, came closer, making him see the dark silhouette of her head in front of his eyes.
"I'm ready for you to make me yours again, Mr. Bates," she whispered.
John's mouth went dry and he reached up to caress her face. "Are you sure?" he asked gently.
"I am sure," Anna replied. "I have been sure for a few days. I've been thinking about it for the last weeks, to be honest. And I'm sure, John. I'm sure."
John smiled. "That's wonderful. Only ... I don't want to do it like this, in the dark and without talking about it first. Could you wait one more day?"
He almost heard Anna smile. "Could you?"
"I could and I would wait for you another seven months," he replied gently and Anna leaned down to kiss his lips.
"You don't have to," she whispered. "Good night."
"Good night, my love."
Seven months.
What on earth were seven months if a woman got raped?
Seven months were nothing, she was violated and John wanted her to be sure, really sure, even if it lasted seven years.
But there she was, pressed against him, holding him tightly.
He had gotten used to holding Anna at night and it was enough for him. As long as she was with him and happy, he didn't care if they shared intimacy.
She was happy. At least she seemed happy.
But ... seven months were still not a lot.
He hoped Anna didn't force herself to be ready.
He closed his eyes. He'd soon find out.
The whole day she sent him signals with her eyes.
Or touched his hand, his shoulder, his leg. She was seeking out body and eye contact constantly and Mr. Bates found that he liked that side of Anna. It was exactly like after they had married and after he had been out of prison.
Anna was right. She seemed ready.
And then it was evening.
They had returned to their cottage, walking down hand in hand without saying a lot, only enjoying each other.
And after John had lit the candles in the bedroom, she started to undress.
"Wait," he said. "I want to take this slowly. I want to give you enough time to stop it whenever you want to."
"I won't," Anna said but Mr. Bates didn't listen.
"If you feel uncomfortable, even if it's just the slightest hint of uncomfortable, tell me. You mustn't feel forced. Never ever."
"I won't feel forced with you."
"You don't know that yet. Do you promise you'll say when it gets too much?"
Anna smiled at him. "I promise."
"Okay," John said quietly and put his fingers on the buttons of Anna's dress. "May I?"
"Yes," Anna breathed without hesitation.
He moved slowly, just as he had promised. She closed her eyes and sighed quietly as he opened her dress, his free hand carefully touching her breasts.
"May I?" he asked again and Anna opened her eyes
"Don't ask me all the time. You've may do everything, Mr. Bates. Everything." She smiled gently and John swallowed, carefully entering his hand below her dress.
She shivered at the touch and John looked at her, but her face showed pure pleasure.
"Oh, Anna," Bates whispered and pulled her into a careful kiss.
Soon the kiss turned into more, and what had started as a gentle and chaste kiss, soon turned into a searing one that woke up the need and lust inside him, the very lust that had been forced to slumber during the last seven months.
But now it was undoubtedly there and made his body react, as his body always reacted to her.
Anna didn't mind.
Between her breaths she let out a quiet whimper every now and then, a high pitched noise that signalled him how much she needed him. He knew that noise. She sounded like this when she was very, very in the mood.
He let his lips travel lower, kiss her neck and throat, kiss her collar bone and shoulder, travelled lower, until he had reached her chest.
"Oh, how I love you," he breathed against the fair skin there. He had missed this so much, just to caress her beautiful body with his lips.
"And I love you," she whispered and reached back, trying to undo her corset. "Help me ..."
"Slowly, my dear, let me take you slowly," Bates whispered and put his hands on her waist. "I want you to enjoy this. Create new, good memories to this."
"It couldn't be any other way with you," she whispered. "Good memories. There is nothing else when you're with me."
Bates felt his heart grow, everytime this wonderful woman spoke to him. She was his and his only.
He reached back, pulling at the strings of her corset. It mostly took him a while to undo this thing and usually it got him frustrated, but this time it didn't matter how look it would take him. They would take it slowly.
He helped her out of the corset, never wanting to tear his lips away from her wonderful skin. As he had to pull back, Anna protested with a silent "No ..."
Bates quickly pulled the corset over her head and kissed her again, this time lower, focusing on her gorgeous breasts now.
His tongue wetted her white flesh and pink nipples. Anna let out another moan and leaned her head back. "Go further," she whispered and Bates knew what she meant as she parted her legs. She was still wearing her dress, but not for long. He took the hem and pulled it over her head, placed it neatly next to them. Then he focused on her underpants, through which he touched her sex carefully. "Is this alright?" he breathed against ther breast.
"Stop asking me, really," she whispered back and John swallowed, slowly starting to massage her through her pants.
"Oh my -" Anna gasped as he found that one spot easily, even without seeing her.
"I would never hurt you," he whispered and placed a light kiss on her collar bone. "Anna. If you want me to stop -"
"I want you to begin already," Anna spoke with a hint of reprimand in her voice. "If you had touched me properly, you would know how much I want you right now."
But he didn't react. It seemed as if he had frozen. "Here, let me help," Anna offered and pushed the white fabric aside. She noticed how hard her husband tried not to look down, so she took his hand that was resting on her waist and moved it down.
"Anna -" he started but didn't go on. Anna knew why - he wanted to tell her he could stop, even though he wanted to touch her badly.
And she wanted to be touched badly.
She moved his hand to the spot where she had moved the underpants away, making his hand meet the wetness that waited there.
"Oh my God," Bates breathed and Anna smiled.
"See, I want it," she whispered.
The evidence seemed enough for her husband.
Finally he gave in, grabbing the last obstacle that prevented him from touching her properly, pulling it down her legs, until she was completely naked.
Shyly she was sprawled on the bed, her cheeks flushed. He looked at her so ... so sensually, her heart almost stopped. He still wanted her. He wanted her and he loved her. She could bury her fear now, the fear of him refusing her for being spoiled.
His hands now explored her body, still carefully, as if she was the most precious and fragile thing on earth, a human made of glass.
Though his touch was shy, his eyes were hungry.
He loved to kiss her to ecstasy and she knew it. Nodding softly, she gave him a wordless permission and Bates dove into the wonderful world of Anna Bates.
How she enjoyed it. How she loved it.
His tongue everywhere, everywhere, was pure heaven for her. He was so gentle. And he knew how she liked it.
Anna rarely moaned like this, but seven months of celibacy made her realise how much she had actually needed this part of their marriage.
And now she was moaning for her release, moaning for the climax of this feeling, moaning to show him that she loved it.
And he knew.
He knew as soon as she was completely tense, her back arched and her head leant back. Her mouth was open and with one last moan, high pitched and loud, she let the feeling roll over her like a tsunami. She rode out her orgasm like she never had one before, screaming at every wave of pleasure that hit her.
When she was done, which had definitely lasted way longer than ever before, she just lay there with her eyes closed.
John looked at her for a while, before he asked, "Anna? Are you ... are you alright?"
"I'm patiently waiting for you to make me yours," she said, her voice thick with lust and slurred from her previous intensity of feelings.
"I'll be with you in a moment," Bates said and started to undress slowly. He wanted to still give her time to change her mind. He would wait until she gave him another permission.
He was so unsure.
What if she pressured herself? What if she just wanted to get it over with, so they could continue their marital life?
"Mr. Bates," Anna said, her voice impatient.
"I'm there, love," he said and once fully undressed, he placed himself on top of her.
She opened her eyes. "Hello," she whispered with a smile and took his face between her hands. "I'm ready. Don't wait any longer."
"I know. I know, my love. But please let me wait one more second. I want to be absolutely sure that you are sure."
Anna nodded and closed her eyes. Wrapping her legs around him, she brought him closer to her, making their middles touch. Bates groaned quietly at the feeling of her. And yes, she felt ready.
"Come here," she mumbled.
"I'm here," John affirmed quietly. He leaned down and kissed her temple, sighing "I love you" before slowly making them one.
At first it felt wonderful.
Anna sighed happily, finally they were able to do that again. Finally she could think of something else, finally she could relax and forget her trauma and this voice she heard whenever she was alone.
"You feel so good," Bates moaned quietly.
There.
Those words she couldn't forget were back.
"You feel so good, damn. That old cripple doesn't deserve you."
Green's voice.
Mr. Green.
Anna ripped her eyes open but the only one she saw was her husband, John Bates, who looked at her in worry.
"Anna?"
"No, I'm okay," she said, but the sound in her voice betrayed her and flattened the truth of her words.
She was scared.
Without another thought he pulled out, looking at her shocked. "Anna?"
She was trembling.
"I ... I'm so sorry ..."
"Don't say that! What is wrong, my dear? Did I hurt you?"
"No, not at all ... I ... don't mind me. Go on, please -"
She tried to pull him back to her, but Bates didn't let her.
"Anna. You're frightened. Say, did you think of ...?" He didn't dare to say it and he didn't have to, the distress in Anna's eyes confirmed his fear. "Oh, no ... Anna, come here ..."
He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. He rocked her gently, whispering comfort into her ears.
And Anna calmed down soon, finding peace in his arms. As she was ready, she looked up at him.
"I remembered something he said after ... he was done," she whispered and Bates hugged her tighter.
"You don't have to say it, love."
"But I want to," Anna said and inhaled. "While he was ... I couldn't say anything nor cry. I felt to weak and helpless for not able to defend myself. And once he was done, he caressed my face and told me how good I've felt and ... that you don't deserve me. And sometimes this little voice is back in my head, telling me exactly that. That voice is enough to change my mood, to make me a shaking, crying bundle of nerves. I'm so sorry, John."
"Stop apologising," John said softly and caressed his wife's cheeks. "First of all, I'll never tell you again."
"How good I feel?"
Bates nodded. "I won't be needing to tell you, as you already know. Because ... I have told you so, I mean."
Anna nodded.
"And second, he's dead. He's gone. It would make him happy that you still think of him, that he was able to destroy you. I think he doesn't deserve so much credit. I won't lie, Anna, I'm glad he's gone. And so should you be."
"But I am! Tell my brain to stop thinking about him."
John kissed Anna's temple. "Dear Anna's brain ... that bastard is gone and your loving husband would never let you go through anything similar again. He loves you so much."
With watery eyes she listened to his words. And when he was done, she sniffed quietly. "Could we go to bed?" she mumbled. "I'm really tired."
"Of course," Bates said gently. He didn't seem mad that he had once again not gotten what he wanted.
Instead he seemed glad for being able to be with Anna, to hold her, to kiss her, to sleep next to her like an old married couple that was tired of each other.
Anna sighed quietly. She knew she was ready. She really wanted to sleep with him, but how would she be able to do that, without having flashbacks?
The answer came during the night.
Bates awoke through someone - Anna - caressing his chest and stomach, occasionally grazing his crotch. At first he didn't react, but as Anna leaned over and kissed his chest, he took her hand and gently shoved her away.
"So you are awake," he heard her voice through the darkness. It was filled with lust.
"Yes, what are you doing?" he sighed. Anna's answer was to carefully took his manhood in her hands, caressing gently.
"I want you," she whispered. "I wasn't lying when I said I was ready. I am ready."
"We've tried only hours ago -," Bates started, but Anna hushed him through sitting on his lap. She was still naked (or again?) and slowly rocking her hip back and forth, wetting his underpants with her juices. "Oh, wow, you are indeed ready," he said quietly.
"I am," Anna gasped quietly. "I've been thinking about it and I think I know what we have to try. Me on top, Mr. Bates, if that's alright for you."
"Very, even," John replied with a dry mouth. His erection had started to grow now, and Anna noticed.
"Please, let me lead," she mumbled and took the hem of his pants between her fingers, pulling them down.
"I want to see you, love," John pleaded and a second after, Anna had already left him, trying to find the packet of match next to the bed. She lit the candles on the nightstand and then crawled back to bed and on top of him, where she covered his tip with herself.
"I love you," she whispered. Her eyes were dark with passion and her voice drenched with fervour. "I want to make love to you. Please let me, just enjoy."
"Of course I'll let you," Bates whispered back.
She was beautiful.
Her hair was open and hung down in front of her upper body, covering her perfect breasts. Her small, slim figure and her usually blonde but in the candlelight golden locks made her look like a fairy. A fairy was making love to him.
Her eyes, usually of a shining blue, seemed almost black in the night and the fire of the candles were reflected in them. She looked gorgeous.
His mouth went slightly open as she fully lowered himself on him and then he was surrounded by her tight, warm and wet folds.
It felt incredible.
Anna had almost forgotten how great it felt, making love to her husband. All the good memories of sex had yielded to the bad memories of being raped and she had completely forgotten how it had to feel.
Like this.
Exactly like this.
He was stretching her, but in a good way. His length was filling her completely and she had a hard time not to let out a loud and frustrated moan. Slowly, he had said. Probably it was for the best. She was mad to make love to him but what if he was right, what if she should be patient with herself?
No. Impatiently she decided that he was not telling her how to lead.
She started slowly, moving her pelvis back and forth, but quickened soon.
She knew how she wanted it. She had not been on the top a lot before but when she had been, she knew exactly how to move to give him and herself a proper finish.
"Anna -" her husband groaned beneath her. He grabbed her hips and tried to stop her. "Slow, love, slow ..."
"Don't tell me," Anna breathed between her moves, "how to love you. I want this ... I need this ... let go of me, John!"
The last thing she almost screamed and John let go of her waist, fearing he had grabbed her too hard. She was so fragile, he often thought he would just crush her with his weight or his strength.
But he soon noticed that Anna had not screamed out of pain, no, she had screamed out of lust. She was very close to her final. Her blurred face told him so, accompanied by the tightness around his shaft.
He caressed her waist, her hips and her legs.
Her thighs were hard from her tension and not for the first time Bates wondered how this whole experience must feel for his wife. Finally her moans became more and more high pitched, until she threw her head back.
He watched the beautiful woman cry out in pleasure. He loved this sight, it had given him some sleepless nights during his time in prison. And during those last seven months he had worried he would never see it again, but when Anna collapsed on his chest, he knew she was alright.
At least almost.
"That was wonderful," Bates whispered and Anna lifted her head lazily.
"It's your turn," she mumbled. "Please, let's try again with me below ..."
"Anna -"
"Let's just try. Please."
He couldn't deny her wish. Especially as she rolled over and parted her legs for him, even readier than earlier that night.
John kissed her while he made them one slowly. He didn't want her to feel any pain.
He moved even slower than during their first try, but this time it was really different. Anna whether seemed scared nor in any way unsure. Her lips were slightly apart and she breathed quietly. She was breathing his name.
Sometimes her eyes were closed and sometimes they were open and when she was looking at him, he could see the love inside of them.
He didn't go any faster, until she asked him to.
"Please, go faster," she said, her voice barely audible.
"Are you sure?" Bates whispered, remembering what had happened before. But Anna nodded and Bates increased the speed just lightly.
And when Anna seemed to still enjoy it, he pushed a little harder.
She opened her eyes again and smiled. "Yes," she breathed. "That's it ... go on like this ... oh, how I love you ..."
But John couldn't answer. Only after a short time of lovemaking he was already so close. Well, he had held back everything for seven months. And now he couldn't hold back anymore.
One last push and he let go, releasing himself the way he had fantasised about a lot during lonely nights in prison.
For a while he couldn't move, couldn't think.
He could only feel and what he felt was wonderful. This woman was giving him so much.
After he had calmed down, he looked at her carefully.
Her eyes were still closed but she was smiling.
"Darling," Bates whispered and caressed her face. "My darling, my love. Are you alright?"
"Very," Anna whispered. She didn't open her eyes but tears suddenly escaped them.
"Anna!" he called out. "What - are you hurt? Have I hurt you? Oh I knew we shouldn't have -"
"Be still now," Anna scolded, still crying but smiling. "I'm overwhelmed with feelings, John. I have never felt so loved before ... and never as safe as in your arms. This was beautiful, my love. Thank you for showing me what it means to be loved, both physically and emotionally."
She placed her hands on his cheeks and he smiled at her.
"So you're alright?"
"Very. I'm very alright. I think I haven't felt this good in a while ..." She smiled at him. "I'm glad to know we can finally go on with our lives. Normally. As nothing has happened."
"I still think seven months isn't enough time to forget what has happened to you," Bates said quietly. "But if you want to ..."
"You said it yourself, he's dead. He's gone forever. He shouldn't destroy our marriage from out of his grave."
"He could never," Bates whispered and leaned down to kiss his wife. "I finally have you back, my dear. And I won't ever let anyone take you away from me."
Anna smiled and kissed him back.
She believed him blindly.