Anna couldn't sleep anymore.
As soon as she closed her eyes, she saw poor Mr. Pamuk. His dead eyes were haunting her, how they stared at Lady Mary and her and how they wouldn't shut.
The weight of the Turkish man, oh, how her arms had hurt afterwards.
And the fear that someone could see them.
Gwen noticed that Anna wasn't feeling well lately, that was why no one woke her up that one Sunday, until she woke up herself.
She checked the clock in her room above the door and jumped up quickly. It was almost nine already, church was about to start. If she ran fast, she'd made it for the second half.
She dressed quickly, wondering why really no one had woken her up. Not Daisy, not Gwen, not Mrs. Hughes.
And on her way down, she ran into no one else than Mr. Bates, who was reading the newspapers at the servant's table.
"Mr. Bates!" Anna called in surprise and he looked up, smiling.
"Good morning, Anna."
"Why did no one wake me up?"
"Gwen tried to, but you were asleep soundly. Thus Lady Mary decided that I should stay here with you."
"Lady Mary?" Anna asked and sat down next to Mr. Bates, pouring herself tea into a cup. "I'm confused."
"I was confused as well," Mr. Bates answered. "But Gwen told Mrs. Hughes that you wouldn't wake up and Mrs. Hughes told Lady Mary."
"Gwen didn't try hard to wake me up, I think," Anna said. "I'm usually not that fast asleep."
"Maybe. But Lady Mary told me you needed the sleep."
"And she asked you to stay with me?" Anna had to shake her head. She had hoped Lady Mary had already forgotten about their talk.
"She said, 'Mr. Bates, could you stay with Anna? I don't want her to wake up and wonder why we left without her'. I must say I'm glad. After all you are the only one who walks with me."
"Don't you think someone else would walk with you, before you have to walk alone?"
"Mrs. Hughes might have. Or Gwen. But I rather walk with you."
Anna smiled.
"What's wrong?" Mr. Bates suddenly asked and closed the newspapers.
"What should be wrong, Mr. Bates? Everything is fine."
"Lady Mary said you needed the sleep. So, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just haven't had a day off in months."
"You're overworked, then."
"Yes. I love my work but no one can bear working day and night without a break."
"Nights, too?" Mr. Bates looked at her worried. "Does Lady Mary call you a lot during the night?"
"Sometimes," Anna whispered. She couldn't tell him the truth. "And it's hard for me to fall asleep after."
"But she worries about you, I could see that," Mr. Bates spoke. "Lady Mary. She likes you and thus she worries."
"She said we are friends," Anna told him with a smile. "She said so herself."
"There you go," Mr. Bates told her and nodded. "I told you so."
"I know." Anna smiled at him and sipped her tea before, with shaking hands, she put it back on the table. "So ... alone at last?" Her heart was beating fast as she dropped the line that had haunted her for weeks.
Mr. Bates smiled back. "Yes, at long last."
Anna smiled. "Do you want to take a walk?"
"I would very much like that," Mr. Bates replied.
She was so beautiful.
She was wearing a light blue dress and a beige coat with a fitting beige hat. It was a nice sight for him, her out of the usual black maid's dress.
He liked it when she was wearing light colours. It made her shine even more, like if she was the sun shining for him. Especially when she laughed it would lighten up his day.
They sat on the bench in the huge garden, talking about anything that came on their mind.
At some point Anna reached down to massage her knuckles, her face blurred in pain.
"Are you hurt?" John asked.
"My feet hurt a little. Imagine wearing these shoes all day and never getting any rest. But don't worry."
"No, let me do something for you," John said, not sure if he was allowed to suggest what he wanted to suggest. "If you put off your shoes I can massage your feet."
"Mr. Bates," Anna said and smiled at him broadly. "What an inappropriate idea." She didn't seem aghast at the idea though.
"Not at all," John replied. "Your feet hurt and you're stressed. You can't sleep properly and there is nothing I can do to help you. Let me massage your feet at least, so you can relax for a change."
Anna was holding her breath as she put off her shoes. She put them up on the bench without looking at him and John noticed that her cheeks were darker than usual.
He carefully reached for one of her feet and placed them on his lap, starting to knead her foot. "Tell me if I go too far," John told her, but to his surprise, Anna had leaned back her head, her eyes closed.
"It feel so good," she sighed.
John smiled. "I just hope no one sees us like this."
"I don't care. I needed this."
It was a feast for his eyes. She was enjoying everything of it, the sun shone into her face, her chest slowly rose and sank, her lips were slightly apart. Every now and then a small noise, almost like a moan, escaped her. He didn't stop, he couldn't. She was too gorgeous as she was sitting there enjoying the massage he was giving to her.
At some point he had to stop though, realising that he was watching her for too long already. She didn't mind, if she had noticed, but he did. He couldn't go on like this, it wasn't fair to her. And himself.
He wouldn't be able to keep away from her if he continued touching her.
Gently he pushed her feet off his lap and Anna opened her eyes.
"Already enough?"
"Sorry. We shouldn't do this."
"You're right, let's continue inside," Anna said, but John shook his head.
"I mean, we shouldn't do this at all. It was a stupid idea of me, I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way."
"You're offending me now," Anna said. "I enjoyed it very much. Why did you offer it, if you think we can't do each other a favour?"
"Not a favour that includes touching," John said.
"Didn't know I was that repulsive," Anna said with a light pout and John knew her well enough already to know that it was meant playfully. She wasn't really offended.
"That's not what I'm saying," he told her nonetheless. "Quite the opposite. That's why we shouldn't do this."
"I see," Anna said quietly. "You enjoyed it too, then?"
"I did," John admitted. "And now we should walk back."
"Alright," Anna said with a light smile. "I feel much better, even though you stopped during the most enjoyable part. I hope it's not a habit of you."
"Naughty girl," John chuckled. It wasn't the first time he called her that. He knew her wit by now and he had totally fallen for it. That was why he wasn't surprised about her innuendo about stopping during the most enjoyable part.
A little surprised, maybe. But not shocked or appalled. He couldn't expect that she knew nothing about this topic, only because she was younger than him and unmarried.
He watched her putting her shoes on. "We could repeat this one day," she suggested mildly.
And he was positively surprised again. She seemed to enjoy his company, maybe even more than that. She seemed to seek his company.
She seemed to like him.
All of a sudden, his mind went dark.
She couldn't like him. She shouldn't.
"We should really go back," he said, his eyes avoiding hers. "Before anyone catches us out here. Come on."
He stood up and forgot his knee for a second, as he was putting weight on it. A second after, he was already moaning and falling back on the bench again.
"Mr. Bates, what happened?" Anna asked in worry and leant down to look at John's face.
"Nothing. I'm just a fool. A dumb, old fool with a crippled leg, Anna."
He looked at her, hoping she'd get the hint, but Anna just smiled.
"I see much more in you," she said. "You're gentle, you're funny, you're caring, you're ... you're handsome and you're nice."
"Anna -"
"Not a word," Anna spoke. "You sensed I was feeling stressed and you massaged my feet. That is not something anyone would do. I certainly wouldn't do it for Thomas."
"And the other way round," John replied with a sneer.
"Thank God," Anna replied with a chuckle that made John's heart melt. "But you see what I'm saying? We're friends, you and I. At least I like to believe so."
John couldn't help but smile at her sweet innocence. He nodded. "We are, Anna. We are friends."
Anna held her chin high and grinned at him. "I know. I was just teasing."
"Vixen," John chuckled and Anna bumped her shoulder against his.
"Are you better?" she asked, pointing at his knee.
"I'll try to stand up, wait a second," John said but Anna didn't wait. She linked her arm with his, helping him to stand up.
And she didn't let go after he was standing.
Arm in arm they walked back to the estate slowly.
It was a strange feeling to walk with a woman like this ... After so many years of denying he was married.
But had he ever walked with Vera like this? He couldn't remember.
What would she say if she saw him like this? What would his mother say?
He knew he shouldn't walk arm in arm with Anna but he didn't want to let go either.
And Anna most definitely also didn't want to.
They only let go as they entered the abbey through the servant's entrance, deciding that they had to get back to normal inside. They wouldn't want to risk one of the maids who had stayed behind see her.
That reminded him ...
"Anna?" he said softly. "This morning I've seen Lily and Diana. They said they were always staying on Sunday mornings, to do what they haven't finished the day before. Why did I have to stay to tell you where they've gone, if there were two other maids staying?"
"Because, Mr, Bates," Anna started, "You said it yourself. I am the only one walking with you and Lady Mary knows that. So she asked you to stay here so you wouldn't walk alone."
"That's nice of her, if even a bit strange."
"Yes," Anna mumbled. Of course she knew exactly why Lady Mary had asked Bates to stay, at least she thought she knew why.
So he and her could have some alone time ...
And how great it felt, how absolutely, unbelievably great it felt to be alone with Mr. Bates.
How he looked at her with his warm eyes, how he smiled gently, shyly, carefully. How he gave her compliments, how they shared their humour, stories and even some secrets regarding Thomas and Miss O'Brien.
How carefully he had touched her just before.
And the way he spoke to her.
Anna knew she couldn't change it. She was completely done for.