Kotonoha stirred in her sleep.
"Makoto-kun," her voice said. "I think I'll need some help putting this on."
Her voice was different. A lot more sultry than usual. And while she spoke the words, she held up a bikini with way too little fabric to cover her chest.
"I'll gladly assist you then," Makoto replied. He grinned confidently.
She went into the cubicle. He followed her and closed the door behind them.
Inside, Makoto-kun wasted no time in pushing her against the wall and pressing his lips on hers.
She melted beneath his touch. Kotonoha did not resist when he pushed his tongue past her lips to explore her mouth.
His hands roughly ripped open her blouse. The buttons bounced down on the floor. Kotonoha reached back beneath her blouse to undo her bra.
She wanted to take it all off, but he gave her no time for that. Instead, he roughly pushed her bra upwards to free her breasts. He only admired them for a short second before swooping down to suck on them.
"Oh, Makoto-kun. Don't stop." She ran her fingers through his hair.
Her hands unzipped her skirt. It fell down on the floor. She stepped out of it and pushed it aside with her feet.
His hands went inside her panties to touch her.
Kotonoha opened her eyes.
Once again, her hand had slipped inside her own panties. It wasn't Itou-kun who was touching her at all, she did it herself.
The buttons of her top were open, exposing her breasts. Luckily she had opened them normally instead of ripping them off like he'd done in her dream.
How did this keep happening?
She knew she shouldn't touch. This was wrong. She did not do these things. Kotonoha was a pure and innocent girl.
Yet…
Why did it feel so good? Why did she have such a hard time pulling her hand away?
Hesitantly, she moved her fingers over her lower lips.
A shiver ran through her body. It felt really good. Even better than she had expected.
Her alarm went off.
Annoyed, she grabbed her phone with her free hand and turned it off.
She wasn't about to stop now. Just a few more minutes. There was still time, her alarm ran earlier than strictly needed.
"Makoto-kun," she whispered to herself.
Kotonoha moved her fingers a bit upwards. She was even more sensitive there.
It felt unbelievably good.
Her fingers kept exploring down there. Her other hand reached up to grab one of her breasts.
"Do you, like my breasts, Makoto-kun?" she whispered. "It's okay, you can touch them, don't be scared." She moved to pinch her own nipple. "I'm really sorry I'm such a prude. It's okay if you kiss me all over."
Her fingers were coated completely in her own fluids now.
Hesitantly, she pushed in her middle finger. It easily slipped inside.
Oh wow.
Kotonoha had never touched herself like this before. She really had missed out by not doing this earlier.
Something was building within her. Her fingers started moving faster and more roughly.
She knew what this was. Any more and she would finish. She couldn't even imagine how good that would feel, to release all this tension build up inside of her.
But it slipped away constantly. She needed more than this. This was not enough to-
"Kotonoha?" A voice yelled. "Are you awake? You'll be late for school."
Fuck.
"I'll be right there mom," she yelled back.
She had gotten carried away. Today was a normal school day.
Kotonoha jumped out of bed.
She hurried to the bathroom to clean up a bit. Then, she put on her uniform and went down for breakfast.
"It's rare for you to oversleep," her mom said. "Were you thinking too much about your boyfriend?"
She turned bright red. "N-No. Of course not." To hide her embarrassment, she focused on pouring her cereal.
"So have the two of you made up? Did you apologise?"
"Y-Yeah."
Had she really apologised? Not exactly, right? It was a bit silly to believe she could just say 'sorry' and it would be all fine. She hadn't even asked whether his best friend had actually said anything about the scene at the theater. It felt more like she had 'apologised' because she was afraid of losing him, and not because she actually felt bad about what she had done.
A tiny part of her still believed it was okay to slap him if he suddenly tried to kiss her. Or if she thought he was gonna do that. But if she was really his girlfriend, a little kiss shouldn't be a problem.
"Kotonoha?"
"A-Anyway," Kotonoha said. "We're going on another date this Saturday."
"You're going swimming?"
"Well I still have to ask him, but that's the plan for now."
"Hm."
"No good?"
"No, I was just thinking about something. Anyway, you'll have to hurry up or you'll be late."
"Right."
She ate her corn flakes faster. When she was done, she put the bowl in the sink.
In the hallway, she almost bumped into Kokoro-chan.
"Onee-chan? Did you oversleep?" Her sister sounded really surprised.
"No," Kotonoha lied. She quickly put on her shoes. "Have to go."
She grabbed her bag and went outside.
With a bit of running, she made it just in time for her regular train.
If she had missed this train she would certainly be late.
"Morning, Katsura."
She looked up.
"Oh, hey, Makoto-kun."
"Did you oversleep? Your hair is kinda disheveled."
He smoothed out her hair with his hand.
She felt a strange sensation when he touched her. It was warm and…
Wet. Her panties were getting wet.
Her thoughts were wandering back to her dream this morning.
Calm down, she told herself. He was just touching her hair, there was no reason to get all worked up for something like that. Yet she could not stop her body from responding to his touch.
It must be the frustration, she decided. Since she had been interrupted this morning, her body responded more easily. She was more sensitive than usual.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yes," she controlled her breathing. "Thanks, Makoto-kun."
He smiled. "I'm glad you're calling me that."
"Calling you… oh." She felt her cheeks getting hot. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"No, no. We're dating, right? So you can call me that. In fact I'm really happy you do."
"O-Okay."
"Can I call you by your given name as well?" he asked.
"S-Sure."
"Okay, Kotonoha."
More wetness seeped into her panties.
How was this even possible? He was hardly doing anything and her body responded.
"Anyway," she quickly changed the subject. "For our date 2.0."
He chuckled. "That's a nice way to put it."
She opened her bag and took out the tickets. "How do you feel about the pool?"
"Sounds fun."
"That's what I thought too. My dad had some free tickets left. He got them from work."
"What exactly does he do?" Makoto asked.
"Uhm… it's pretty complicated." She didn't really want to talk about that right now.
"I see. Well I'm looking forward to our date."
"Me too. You do like swimming, right?"
"Even if I didn't, there are other things you can do in a pool."
She turned red. "There are?" she asked, feigning obliviance.
"Yeah. You can enjoy the view and such."
"Enjoy the…" she slowly repeated. "Hey, you can't look at other girls on our date."
"I didn't know dating you came with such strict requirements. I can't even look at other people?"
She turned red. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant… you shouldn't need to look at other girls."
"Well that kinda depends on you, doesn't it?"
"Yes, of course."
He had a point there. If she didn't give him things to look at, she could hardly complain he looked at other girls. That was like not giving someone food and then complaining they got hungry and ate somewhere else.
The train slowed down abruptly.
Instinctively she reached out and put her hands on his shoulders.
Makoto automatically put his hands on her waist to steady her.
He smiled. "I'm starting to think you're doing it on purpose just to touch me."
She was acutely aware that her body was responding every time he touched her.
"I wouldn't dare," she said. She didn't want to release him.
"Now," he said. "I'd love to stay like this for a while, but this is our stop."
"Oh."
They released each other and got of the train.
Kotonoha stopped on the platform.
He turned. "Something wrong?"
"Uhm…"
She had already fainted on the way from the station to school twice.
There was nothing she could do about that of course, and it was silly to suddenly be afraid of this little walk. The precise location it happened was entirely random.
Yet…
"Would you mind holding my hand?" she asked. "I don't want to get lost. And uhm… well, you know. With my anemia, it's…"
Makoto smiled. "Of course. You don't need a reason to hold my hand, Kotonoha."
He held her hand.
His hand was warm and comforting. Her fear drowned away. Somehow, she felt safe like this.
"Thanks," she said. "Sorry for being so difficult."
"Hold on. Your shoelace is open."
He crouched down. She confirmed the laces of her left shoe were indeed open. She had been in a hurry this morning, so she probably hadn't tied them properly.
"Makoto-kun, you…"
Kotonoha fidgeted as a red blush crept up on her. They were on the platform, in plain public and he was crouching down to tie her laces like she was a little kid.
"Don't worry," he said. "I won't look up."
The skirts of their uniform were quite short, so if he looked up, he would surely see her panties. Her body felt so hot at this point she was certain there was a wet spot visible on them. Especially since she had picked white panties this morning.
Yet, another part of her hoped he would look up. And then confidently touch her to confirm her wetness. And then push her back against a wall to kiss her while his fingers worked her…
She pushed away the thought.
"I… I'm not a little girl, you don't need to tie my shoelaces."
"Don't worry about it." He finished tying it and stood up. "Shall we?" He held out his hand.
She took his hand again.
"I must be really annoying to date," she said. "I can't even tie my own shoelaces properly."
Makoto didn't reply.
"It's okay," she said. "Go ahead and say it."
He stopped walking. "Look, I don't want to lie to you. You're not the easiest girl to date. I don't have any reference, but still…"
"You should be dating someone else. Someone who can hold your hand and… kiss you on the first date. Someone who doesn't need their shoelaces tied and doesn't fall every time the train stops."
"But I don't want to date anyone else, I want you."
"Even if I'm so difficult?"
"It's not like you're doing it on purpose. I'm sure you're trying really hard for me. I mean look…" he held up their interlocked fingers. "We're holding hands."
"And you're happy with just that?"
"Do I have a choice? I can't really force you to do more, can I?"
"Maybe you should," she mumbled.
He frowned. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."
"Nothing."
An awkward silence fell.
"I really don't mind it as much as you think, Katsura."
"Kotonoha," she corrected him.
"Sorry, force of habit. I'm just saying, you don't have anything to feel guilty about. You can only feel guilty about things you've done wrong."
"But…"
"Unless there is something you're not telling me," he added. "I don't know everything you do in your free time. For all I know you might be a delinquent."
She looked away.
"It was meant as a joke," he clarified. "I'm trying to cheer you up."
"Yeah, sorry."
There was something she wasn't telling him. She had not told him anything about her dream this morning, or what she'd done during her dream. Obviously, she wasn't about to do that, but…
Was it really okay? She was dreaming about some idealised form of their relationship where they could confidently touch each other. But then when they actually met, she couldn't even kiss him. To her, just thinking about it already felt really good, but Makoto would probably want to actually do those things. He wouldn't be satisfied just thinking about it.
Meaning she wasn't being fair to him. Having fun by herself when he was frustrated was pretty selfish of her.
But then again, did she really have the willpower not to do it? Clearly not given she had even shut her alarm and risked being late this morning.
"Kotonoha?"
"Huh?"
"We're gonna be late if we keep standing around here."
"Oh, sorry."
They resumed walking.
"So am I allowed to ask what you were thinking of?" he asked.
"Uhm…"
"Never mind, forget I asked."
"I was thinking about our date," she lied.
"Oh." He smiled. "Well me too. I can't wait until Saturday."
"Yeah." She faked a smile.
They reached the school building.
"Do I see you at lunch?" he asked.
"Sure."
He hesitated for a second, but then he leaned in to give her a kiss on her cheek. In class, she discovered Otome had shifted gears. She had apparently decided to just ignored her completely. She was probably too scared Kotonoha would complain with Makoto. Seems like her crush on him was pretty big.
Kotonoha smiled inwardly. Makoto was hers.
Well, for now. Unless he grew so frustrated he dumped her.
The smile vanished.
Kotonoha sighed.
She tried to focus on her classes, but her thoughts kept drifting away to Makoto-kun.
In homeroom, they decided to do a haunted house for the festival. Given that it was the only suggestion, it was decided rather quickly.
Makoto came to her class at lunch.
She almost hugged him in front of the entire class, but she managed to restrain herself at the last moment.
"Shall we?" he asked.
She took his hand.
"I uhm, I didn't have time to pack any lunch this morning," she admitted. "I was a bit distracted."
"We could go get something at the convenience store," he suggested.
"Are we allowed to do that?"
"Are we allowed to go up the roof?" he shot back.
Kotonoha smiled softly. "Alright then."
They went outside. At this school, the teachers were pretty lax, so they managed to sneak out without trouble.
"I really wanted to make you bento," she said.
"Don't worry about it. Maybe next time."
"Yeah."
"Although, maybe you should practise a bit on your own first before you…"
"Poison you?" she suggested.
He chuckled. "Something like that."
They reached the convenience store near their school. They both got the same bento.
"I'll treat you," Kotonoha said.
"You really don't have to," he protested weakly.
"No, no, I want to."
Makoto shrugged. "If you insist on it."
She payed for their lunch and they went back outside.
Behind the store was a park with a pond. They found a bench looking out over it.
It was pretty sunny today. However, despite this, the park was quite empty. Only occasionally someone passed by. Usually someone walking their dog.
"Itadakimasu," she said.
"Itadakimasu."
It was silent for a while as they ate.
"Hey uhm, Makoto-kun?" she asked.
"Hm?"
"I uhm, I don't feel like I properly apologized to you for what happened back then."
"You mean our first date?"
"Yes. Did uhm, did your friend notice?"
"Well it was pretty hard to miss," he pointed out. "But hey, it was a silly misunderstanding, right?"
She sighed. "It's not just that. I shouldn't respond like that. Even if you tried to kiss me, I shouldn't freak out. We're dating after all."
"So say I wanted to kiss you now…" he turned towards her.
She turned red. "I… I can't. My heart isn't ready."
"I'm in no hurry, Kotonoha," he said. "I'm ready whenever you are."
"But… isn't it frustrating?"
"Well, yeah, of course. But there's nothing I can do about that, right?"
"Yeah, you're right."
This really didn't make her feel any better. Makoto had just confirmed what she already knew.
"Class is gonna start again," he said. "We'll be late if we keep sitting here."
"Yeah, we should go back."
They stood up. She instinctively took his hand.
Several people saw them returning, and she could hear them whispering, but at this point, she really didn't care. She was with Makoto-kun, that was all that mattered.
Kotonoha tried to focus on the rest of her classes, but only with moderate success.
It didn't really feel like their relationship was moving forward. And it was all because she was so scared about stupid things. She liked Makoto, so why wasn't she kissing him?
He texted her during class to tell her they would go home together. He didn't ask her, he just told her they would.
She texted it was okay. There was no meeting tonight, so they were free at the same time.
Actually, she had wanted him to go with her, but she hadn't dared asking.
[It's okay to just ask if you want something by the way,] he texted her.
He was really reading her like an open book now.
[But you're so good at guessing it,] she send back.
[One of my many talents.]
[Oh, what others do you have?]
[I'd show you what a great kisser I am, but…]
The teacher turned so she had to put her phone away. It was very difficult to text when your seat was on the front row.
She met Makoto-kun after school.
They talked about unimportant things on the way home.
"I can take it from the station," Kotonoha said when her stop was coming up.
"Are you sure?" he sounded concerned.
"I'll text you when I'm home okay?"
"Okay. But if you don't text me, I'll come save you."
"I'll keep you to that," she said. They hugged each other.
"I'm really looking forward to tomorrow," Makoto said.
"Me too."
The train slowed down at her stop.
She didn't really want to leave, but she had no choice of course.
Kotonoha got of the train. She waved at Makoto on the platform. He waved back.
The doors closed again and the train took him away, out of sight.
She took the short walk to her house. At home, she texted him, like she had promised.
During dinner, her mom subtly tried to interrogate her about Makoto, but Kotonoha deflected her questions. When they were done, she quickly went to her room.
There was something she had to check. And she should have done it way sooner.
Kotonoha opened her closet.
She sighed. Here we go.
…
Kotonoha reached back and tried closing it but it didn't work. Her chest was simply too big. She had grown out of it.
She put the top aside with the rest and got dressed again.
There were very little options. Only her school swimsuit and the bikini she had bought in France last year still fit her.
Wearing her school swimsuit was out of the question of course. This was a real date. It already felt like she acted too much like a child. She could hardly hold hands with her supposed boyfriend and he had to tie her laces for her since she couldn't do it properly on her own. Wearing a school swimsuit would only make her look more like a dependant kid.
She had to wear something that would convince him she was a real teenage girl. Something that would keep him looking at her.
Sorry for being so difficult.
He hadn't contradicted her when she said that. It was correct, she was a difficult girlfriend. She had given him no real reason to date her so far. A prudish, clumsy, boring girl like her could never be his girlfriend. He got nothing out of it. Quite the contrary in fact since he had to look after her like a babysit.
She hesitantly touched her chest.
Was he dating her only because she had a large chest?
No, no. What was she thinking? Of course not. It was very rude to think that. There were plenty of other girls who would have done plenty of things at this point. It hardly mattered how big her chest was if he couldn't touch it.
Makoto was dating her for her personality, that much was certain.
Yet, he was a teenage boy, so he should be interested in that as well.
Kotonoha sighed. Dating her only seemed to have disadvantages for Makoto. But maybe if she wore something good, he could at least enjoy looking at her? Or maybe even touching her.
He had complimented her outfit during their disastrous first date. Even though she had ruined it and publicly humiliated him, he had been able to look at her so he had gotten something out of it, right?
She knew it was silly to believe this could compensate for all the disadvantages, but it was all she had. She had to at least show him she was trying to compensate. That she was making an effort for him. Like he was making an effort for her.
She needed a new bikini. Something more appealing than this.
But…
How could she know he would like it? She didn't know anything about his tastes. What colors did he like? And what if it was too seductive and he would think she was a slut? He had already seen she was on the pill, so he would certainly think she was screwing around with everyone. She had to make sure he knew she was only wearing it to please him, yet, she couldn't tell him that explicitly, right?
Kotonoha sighed. Why was dating so difficult?
She took out her cellphone and navigated to a contact. The list was so short she didn't even have to scroll down.
In case of emergency…
"Sekai?"
[Kotonoha? Are you okay? I heard you're going on a new date with Makoto.]
"Yeah. And I have a problem."
[I'm listening.]
"I don't know what to wear."
Sekai chuckled. [Aren't you going to the pool?]
"Yes. And I only have one bikini that fits me."
[Doesn't seem like you have much choice then.]
"I could go buy a new one," she suggested.
[Is something wrong with the one you have now? Out of fashion?]
"No, but… I don't know if Makoto-kun will like it."
[Makoto-kun. Hm, interesting. You're getting close aren't you?]
"I…you…"
Sekai chuckled. [It's okay, Kotonoha. He's your boyfriend, you should call him by his given name.]
"Yeah, of course."
[As to your problem, if you're really worried about it, there's only one thing you can do: you'll just have to ask him what he likes.]
"But… I can't do that."
[Why not? Look, either you can guess and hope you get it right, or you can just ask him and then you'll know for sure. Which one is more likely to give a good result?]
"Can't you subtly ask him?"
[How subtle is that? Hey Makoto, what kind of bikinis do you like? Don't you think he'll realise I'm asking on your behalf?]
"Yeah, you're right, sorry, stupid idea."
[You'll just have to ask him.]
"My heart isn't ready."
[Fine, then I'll ask him.]
"You can't."
[I'm doing this for you, Kotonoha. If you're worrying enough to call me, it must be important to you. What are you gonna do if you pick something on your own and he doesn't like it? Or what if he doesn't comment at all? You won't dare to ask him so you'll just keep worrying about it.]
"Okay then, I'll ask him."
[You're just saying that so I won't do it for you.]
"No, I will ask him, I promise."
[Well I'll be checking.]
"I know. Thanks for your help, Sekai."
[Wasn't I a bit too forceful?]
"You're right, I'm gonna keep worrying unless I just ask him. Thank you for making me realise that, Sekai."
[My pleasure. Now go ahead and call him.]
"Right now?"
[You're not trying to get out of it again, are you?] her voice took on a dangerous tone.
"No, I'll call him now. Bye, Sekai."
[Bye.]
She hung up.
Kotonoha took a deep breath. Here we go.
[Kotonoha?]
"Hey, Makoto-kun."
[To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?]
She froze.
This wasn't possible.
She slowly reached beneath her skirt.
Yes, wetness. It wasn't much, but it was there. Just from hearing his voice over the phone. This wasn't normal. Something was wrong with her.
[Kotonoha?]
"Sorry," she retracted her hand. "I uhm… I wanted to hear your opinion on something."
[Sure. What is it?]
"Swimsuits."
[Oh. Well… I'm in favor of them?]
She chuckled. "No I mean, what kinds do you like? What colors and… how much should they cover?"
[That's difficult to say. It depends on the girl wearing them I would say. Some things fit better for some girls.]
"Yes, of course, but…"
[You mean what would look good on you?]
"Well, yes."
[Ye, that's difficult to say without seeing it on you.]
"Yes, of course. I understand."
[It does sound like it's important to you.]
"Maybe a bit."
[Shall we go shopping together then?] he suggested.
"I don't know if I'm comfortable with that."
[But we are going to the pool so everyone is gonna see you anyway.]
"Yes, but…"
[If you don't want to, it's fine. It was just a suggestion.]
"No, uhm… that's actually not a bad idea." If he went shopping with her, there was very little doubt he would approve of her choice. It wouldn't be a surprise of course, but she'd have to settle for this until she learned more about what he liked.
[Well if you really want to, I'm okay with it.] his tone shifted subtly.
"But… this was your idea?" Why did he make it sound like she had suggested it?
[How so? You're the one who called me. I just said what you wanted me to say.]
"But-"
[You know that you can't judge any kind of clothing without seeing it.]
"Well, yes," she confirmed.
[Meaning…]
"I guess I did not give you much option to suggest anything else," she admitted. "You're right."
[Okay.]
It was quiet for a second.
"I feel bad about making you do all this for me."
[Don't worry so much about it, Kotonoha. You're doing plenty of things for me as well.]
"Like what?"
[Uhm… like…]
"See. I'm a terrible girlfriend."
[But you're my terrible girlfriend. The fact that you are worried about this does show you do care about me and you are trying hard.]
"I guess."
Things weren't really going anywhere like this. She felt like she was a bad girlfriend and her solution was to make him go shopping with her? Boys hated shopping. If she was really his girlfriend, she should know what he likes already.
And she had even tried to make it sound like he suggested it, but actually she had cornered him until that was the only option.
If anything she was making matters worse. He would certainly get bored if she took him shopping.
[So, shall we go on Saturday then?] he asked. [Before we go swimming.]
"Yeah okay. To Sakakino Hills?"
[Do I have another option?]
She smiled. "Not really."
[Alright. I'll see you tomorrow then.]
"Yeah."
[Sweet dreams, Kotonoha.]
"What?"
[Uhm, I just said goodnight.]
"Sorry, uhm, goodnight, Makoto-kun."
She quickly hung up.
Him mentioning dreams had thrown her off for a moment. Obviously Makoto-kun didn't know what kind of dreams she had, but sometimes he made it sound like he did.
Maybe he was the one sending them?
She chuckled. That was silly of course. Dreams did not work like that.
Kotonoha checked the clock. It had already gotten quite late.
She went to the bathroom.
After brushing her teeth, she got undressed. She pulled out her thick pyjamas, but then reconsidered.
Instead of putting them on like she always did, she took out a grey tank top and panties.
When she got beneath the covers, it felt very different.
She felt more free than before. In this outfit, she could move more easily.
Kotonoha wondered whether this would influence her dreams as well.
The answer came not even two minutes after she had closed her eyes.