A gust of wind blew over the roof. Kotonoha grabbed the edges of her skirt.

"It's getting colder outside," she said.

"Yeah," Makoto replied.

Her boyfriend closed the distance between them.

"Makoto-kun." She looked up at him.

He leaned in. "Can I?" he asked.

"Sure." She closed her eyes.

Makoto kissed her.

It had been a few weeks since their second date now. They ate lunch together on the roof every day now. Occasionally Sekai would join them as well, but she usually preferred to leave the 'lovebirds' alone.

After school they usually hung out together. It could be a movie, but it could also be something else. She had even been to his house a few times and met his mother (who had approved of her, luckily). So far, he hadn't been to her house though. She was a bit reluctant to introduce him to her parents considering her dad didn't really approve of her having a boyfriend so soon.

Makoto deepened the kiss. His hands rested on her lower back. Kotonoha had wrapped her arms around his neck.

She tried very hard to ignore how aroused she got.

Her panties were already soaked before he had even started kissed her.

Kotonoha was certain those strange dreams were involved in that. Every night, she dreamt about doing all kinds of naughty things with him. She was unable to stop her hands from roaming all over her body when she had those dreams. But up until now, she had never been able to make herself climax. And the frustration was building inside of her. Every day, she feared it would spill over. Or she would lose control.

Suddenly, his hand reached up to touch her breast.

No. Instinctively, she pushed him away.

He looked hurt. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I have to go," she said.

"Kotonoha."

He wasn't fast enough to stop her.

She ran down the stairs. When she reached the bottom, the bell rang. Just in time.

Kotonoha hurried to her class.

Her phone buzzed away. Probably Makoto sending her texts.

Even though she had dreamed about him touching her breasts countless times, to actually do it was pretty scary. And it had been so unexpected. He really should have asked first.

When school was over, she hurried outside and ran to the station. She took the first train home. An earlier train than she would usually take.

Kotonoha sighed. She really couldn't face Makoto right now.

At home, she went straight to her room and started making homework. Her thoughts kept trying to drift off, but she forced them back every time.

She studied the rest of the night, only taking breaks to go to the bathroom and eat.

When it was getting quite late, she put her books away. Kotonoha stripped down and got into bed. Since she dated Makoto, she had started sleeping in tank tops and panties instead of pyjamas. She told herself it was because it was warm at night, and not because it was more convenient, but she didn't really believe that herself.

For now, she had been able to push away her concerns and doubts, but once she drifted off to sleep, they assaulted her immediately.

"It's natural that a boy wants to touch your breasts."

Her reflection again. Red Kotonoha. A more sexy and confident version of herself.

"But," Kotonoha protested. "He… I was surprised."

"So you're gonna hit him again?"

"No, I don't want to hurt Makoto-kun."

"You just did. Again. You pushed him away. Do you remember the look on his face?"

"No, please-"

"He did a perfectly natural thing. You're the one overreacting. Don't you want to make him happy?"

"I do, but-"

"But what?"

"I…"

"You're a terrible girlfriend. You're walking around seducing and teasing him, and if he makes a move, you push him away."

"I'm not seducing him," she argued.

"Walking around with a chest like that. All the girls are jealous of you."

"I never wanted this."

"Why do you think you got it? Does that huge chest serve any purpose?"

"No, it's only brought me harm. None of the other girls like me because of this."

"And whose fault is that? It makes you a very attractive girl. A girl Makoto-kun would like to date. If only you weren't such a prude."

"But…"

Her ghost did have a point there. Makoto would certainly enjoy touching her like that, so if anything, it had been the first time her chest could have ever done something good for anyone. If she hadn't pushed him away that is.

"Nice memory for his first time touching a girl," Red Kotonoha said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Please stop."

"What did you feel when he touched it?"

"Fear."

"And what else?"

"I… I guess it may have felt…" When she touched it herself it felt good, but when he did it, the sensation was even more-

"How could you possibly know how it felt?" her reflection mocked her. "You pushed him away before he could even touch it. Are you even sure he touched it at all?"

"Yes, he-"

"Oh really? Like that time he supposedly tried to kiss you? You were certain then as well, weren't you?"

"I-"

"He probably never even touched it. In your paranoid state you just thought he did. You were looking for an excuse to push him away again."

"No, I would never do that."

"Oh you just love being a victim, don't you? Do you enjoy it if he is concerned about you? If he has to watch his every move to make sure you aren't hurt by his imagined actions?"

"I-"

"You're a terrible girlfriend."

"No, please-"

"Maybe he'll break up with you…"

"No, I…"

Her eyes shot open.

She touched her face.

Was it sweat or tears? She wasn't certain.

Kotonoha rolled on her side to check the clock.

It was the middle of the night.

Stupid nightmares.

She rolled back over and tried to get back to sleep.

Her nightmares continued to assault her. She woke up several more times until she finally gave up and got out of bed.

Kotonoha gathered her uniform and made for the bathroom.

The mirror left little to the imagination. She looked terrible. Her hair was a mess and there were black rims beneath her eyes. Even though she had slept for quite long, she still felt tired.

Kotonoha turned on the shower.

She stripped down. For the first time in weeks, her panties were wet because of her sweat and not something else.

She felt if the water was warm enough. It wasn't, but she got under it anyway.

Her body complained about the lukewarm water but Kotonoha ignored it.

After some struggling, she gave up trying to get her hair presentable. She would just have to pull of the slightly messy look.

At breakfast, she could hardly eat anything. Eventually, she gave up and went to school. Today, she took the bus.

Kotonoha sighed deeply.

She really had to talk to Makoto-kun.

Taking a decision, she took out her phone. She ignored his countless texts from before.

'Can we meet on the roof at lunch?'

A reply came basically instantly. [Sure.]

Not much happened in the morning. She only vaguely tried to focus on her classes. It was impossible to focus anyway.

Finally, the bell rang and she went up the roof.

He was already waiting for her there.

"Kotonoha," he said. "I'm… are you okay?"

"I'm really sorry about yesterday."

"Yeah, you did act weird. We were just making out and you pushed me away out of nowhere."

"You…" she frowned. "You tried to touch my chest."

He fell silent.

"Makoto-kun?"

He had a very strange look in his eyes.

"Look, I don't know how to put this, but… maybe, we should take a break."

"What? No, I…" Where was this coming from? Sure, she may have overreacted, but that was no reason to break up.

"I didn't try to touch your chest, Kotonoha," he said calmly. "My hands were on your lower back the entire time. I would have never done that without asking first. Given how sensitive you are to new things."

"But, I'm certain you-"

"You mean I'm lying?" His eyes narrowed. He looked both hurt and angry.

"No, no, of course not, I-"

"You what?"

"I'm sorry. I-I must have imagined it."

It wasn't the first time she had done that. She had been totally convinced Makoto was trying to kiss her on their first date and on their second date, she had freaked out when he hugged her, but he had actually saved her from a very awkward wardrobe malfunction.

Maybe she had been fidgeting and her breast had brushed past his chest? That was certainly possible. Or she had mixed up dream and reality. It wasn't that weird that her growing frustration drove her a bit loopy.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Makoto asked. "This is not normal, Kotonoha."

"It won't happen again," she promised. "I just… I… my imagination is pretty vivid."

"Okay," he said, clearly unconvinced.

"Here," she said. "Let's do over that kiss."

Without waiting for a reply, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him, more passionately than usual.

She wrapped her arms around his neck.

After a few seconds, he caved in and put his hands on her lower back. He pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.

They made out like that for a moment, but then, she felt one of his hands leave her.

No. No, no, no. Don't do that. Not again.

He reached up and roughly grabbed her left breast.

She broke off the kiss and pushed him off.

"What is wrong with you?" Makoto said, angry now.

"Y-You did it again." Her voice was quivering.

"Again?" A dangerous undertone crept into his voice.

"You touched my chest again," she said. Her hands reached up to shield it.

"You still don't believe me, do you? You still believe your own delusions. I already told you, I did not touch your chest. Not then and not now."

"You're lying," she insisted.

He sighed. "We should take a break. I can't keep dating you like this."

"No."

"Oh, is that up to you now? I'm sorry, I was under the impression this was a normal relationship were I'm not getting forced to do anything. But apparently that's not the case."

"Sorry," she said. "Can we just talk about it?"

"About what? Is there anything to talk about? If you don't trust me, I can't date you anymore."

"I do trust you."

"What is the definition of trust to you, Kotonoha?"

"What do you expect me to do? You want me to deny that something happened? This is real, Makoto-kun."

"There is something wrong with your reality then. You need to get some help, Kotonoha. This is not normal."

"So is pathologically lying to your girlfriend." She was getting angry too now.

"When did I ever lie to you?"

"I'm certain you tried to kiss me during our first date. And you're the one who's constantly sending those dreams and making me faint. And back at the pool, my top came loose because of you."

"Wow, I've been busy it seems," Makoto said sarcastically. "Anything else? Maybe I also asked Otome to bully you."

"You could have."

"Sure, sure. It's all a grand conspiracy. Are you aware of how ridiculous you sound?"

"I don't have to take this."

"Me neither."

Makoto turned and walked away from her. The door slammed close behind him.

Kotonoha took a few deep breaths.

That had gotten out of hand. She already regretted what she had said.

No, she cut off the thought. She was clearly right. There were strange things going on and Makoto was involved in them, that much was obvious.

The bell rang.

Kotonoha went back to her class, still thinking about Makoto-kun.

Someone roughly pulled her out of that by jamming against her shoulder.

"Watch it, bitch," Otome said.

Someone else pushed her aside. She hit the wall hard.

Minami.

Of course. Otome was always with her trio of friends.

"What's wrong?" Otome said. "Gonna tell your boyfriend?"

Did they know what had happened?

Someone cleared his throat.

They turned. It was their math teacher.

"Class is gonna start," he said. "You girls should get inside."

He guided them inside. If he had seen Otome push her, he ignored it.

In class, she texted Makoto.

'Did you tell Otome about our argument?'

[I bumped into her on my way downstairs. I didn't tell her, but she's not stupid.]

Hm. He could be lying, but it was technically possible. If Otome saw an angry Makoto coming from the roof and Kotonoha came down a few minutes later looking down, it wasn't hard to put two and two together. But it was a pretty big coincidence he had just happened to bump into Otome at a time like that.

The day seemed to drag on much longer than usual. It felt like it was days before the final bell rang.

Kotonoha gathered her stuff.

"Hey, Katsura."

"I have a meeting to go to," she said. She tried standing up, but two hands forced her back down. Two of Otome's trio of friends had sneaked up behind her.

She checked, but somehow, the teacher was already gone, as was everyone else. It really felt like there was a huge conspiracy against her.

"Did you break up with Itou-kun?" Otome asked.

"That's none of your business."

Otome slapped her in the face.

She felt a burning pain rising on her cheek.

"Now now," Otome said. "That was a simple question, wasn't it? Aren't we friends?"

Kotonoha said nothing.

She was slapped again, harder, on her other cheek.

"Aren't we friends?" Otome calmly repeated.

"Yes." She said between gritted teeth.

"Well then, you can answer a simple question, can't you? Did you break up with Itou-kun?"

Now that she asked it, it really wasn't that clear. What had he really said? 'We should take a break. I can't keep dating you like this.' That wasn't really a formal breakup, was it? It was more like 'I need some room to think.' And considering both of them had been angry, they had probably said some stuff they didn't really mean. She certainly had.

"Hey-"

"I don't know," she said, louder than she had really meant. Kotonoha felt her eyes twitch. She was gonna cry at this rate.

Not now, she forced her tears back.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I don't know," Kotonoha snapped. "Why don't you ask him instead? Or are you not really friends with Makoto-kun?"

She was hit a third time. This time, it wasn't a slap. Otome had made a fist and punched her straight in the face, much harder than before.

"Let's go," Otome announced.

They left her.

Kotonoha touched her nose. Blood dripped on her fingers.

She felt tears springing into her eyes.

Then, she heard something. Footsteps approaching her.

It had to be him. He had come to check on her.

She didn't dare looking up though. What if it wasn't him?

But then again, who else would care about her?

Kotonoha looked up. "Mako-"

"Are you okay?" Sekai asked at the same time. "Oh, sorry. Makoto is already going home. But I can call him. He-"

"No, it's fine. We… we're not on good terms right now."

"Yeah, I heard. He was pretty down."

"I have a meeting for-"

"Don't be silly," Sekai cut her off. "You can't go to the meeting like this."

"It's nothing."

"Uhum." Sekai pointed to her chest.

Kotonoha looked down. "Oh."

Some blood had dripped down on her blouse.

"Here." Sekai handed her a tissue.

"Thanks." Kotonoha held it against her nose. "But, the meeting."

"Give me a sec."

Sekai took out her phone and called someone.

"Hey, Setsuna. Can you do me a favor?"

[...]

"Can you tell them that Kotonoha feels sick and is going home?"

[...]

"Thanks, I owe you one."

[...]

"Yes yes, I'll treat you at Pure Burger next time. Thanks again."

She put away her phone.

"There we go," she said to Kotonoha.

"Thanks," Kotonoha said again.

"Come on, I'll walk you home."

"You don't have to," Kotonoha protested.

"But I will anyway. Go ahead and try to stop me."

Kotonoha smiled faintly. "Alright then."

She gathered her stuff. Her nose had stopped bleeding by now.

Kotonoha threw the tissue in the bin.

In silence, they put on their shoes.

"So uhm, what exactly happened between you and Makoto?" Sekai asked once they were outside.

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Uhm, okay then."

If only she knew herself what it had been all about. The rational part of her mind told her she was being silly. There was no way Makoto could manipulate her dreams like that. This was real life, not some fairytale. And yet, there were a few things that were just too weird to be a coincidence.

"Thanks for understanding," Kotonoha said. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Hey, I'm here for you," Sekai said. She put her hand on Kotonoha's shoulder.

Kotonoha smiled faintly.

They continued to walk. Soon after, they reached the train station.

The girls got on the first train. After a while, Kotonoha broke the silence.

"You know," Kotonoha said. "It's actually strange you still want to be friends with me."

"How so?"

"Didn't you ask me not to break his heart?"

"I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but I'm guessing both are at fault."

"Y-Yeah." Kotonoha suddenly felt very cold.

If she explained why they were arguing, Sekai would certainly side with Makoto. And Kotonoha couldn't blame her for that. To any outsider, her version of the story was ridiculous. It was an absurd conspiracy theory that no one would ever believe. Yet, she had no choice but to believe it. The only other explanation was that she was being paranoid and there was nothing going on at all. Which meant that Makoto had not been touching her chest at all, but her own sexual frustration had caused her to… hallucinate.

She shook of the thought. If she was hallucinating, how could she ever know for sure anything was real?

"This is your stop, right?"

"Huh?"

"Is this your stop?"

"Oh, yeah, it is."

The train abruptly slowed down.

In a reflex, she reached out and embraced Sekai.

"Uhm, Kotonoha?"

"Sorry, I uhm… I lost my balance." She released her again.

"Okay."

She actually had lost her balance. Even though Makoto was not around at all.

"You okay?" Sekai asked. "You look confused."

"I'm fine. We have to get out, before the doors close."

"Oh, yeah, sure."

They both got off the train.

Sekai kept her promise and walked her all the way home. Not that it was a long way from the station, but still.

They arrived after only a few minutes.

"You sure have a big house," Sekai pointed out.

"Yeah, a bit," Kotonoha replied. She unlocked the front door.

"So uhm, I'll see you at school then?"

"Of course."

"Come here." Sekai pulled her in for a hug.

"You're a good friend, Sekai," Kotonoha said.

"Kotonoha?" A new voice called.

She released Sekai. "Oh, hey mom. Uhm, I'm home."

"What happened to you?" her mom asked, looking at the blood. "And who is this?"

"Oh, uhm, well-"

"I'm Saionji Sekai," Sekai introduced herself. "Just a classmate. Koto- uhum, Katsura-san had a little accident."

"Accident?"

"It's really nothing," Kotonoha said. "I uhm… I tripped on the staircase."

"The nurse said she was fine," Sekai added. "But it would be best if someone went home with her, just in case."

"Oh, I see," her mom said. She turned to Kotonoha. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Well if you insist I can always lie in my bed and you can pamper me all night."

Her mom smiled faintly. "Looks like you're fine." She turned back to Sekai. "Well, thanks a lot for walking her home."

"No problem. But I have to go now, my mom will be concerned if I'm late."

"Of course."

"See you at school, Katsura-san."

"Yeah, see you at school."

Sekai waved and walked away.

Kotonoha closed the door. That had been pretty close. She really had no desire to explain to her mom what had happened.

"Dinner will be ready soon," her mom said. "You should get cleaned up."

"Okay."

Kotonoha kicked off her shoes and went to the bathroom.

She wanted to take a bath, but she knew there was no time, so she would have to settle for a shower.

After her shower, she changed into yoga pants and a hoodie. She was just in time for dinner.

"Dad isn't coming?" Kotonoha asked.

Her mother frowned. "He's working late, as usual."

"Oh."

She already knew that of course. Dad worked late every night.

"You look a bit down," her mom said.

"It's nothing, really," Kotonoha said. She tried to finish her dinner as quickly as possible.

"If you say so."

"Hey Onee-chan," Kokoro said. "Will you help me with math tonight?"

"Not tonight, Kokoro. I have other stuff to do."

Kokoro pouted.

"Besides," their mother said. "You should be able to do it on your own. If Kotonoha 'helps' you, you're not learning anything. She's just making the exercises for you."

Kokoro leaned on both elbows. "Pff. No one needs math anyway."

Their mom sighed. "Why can't you be as diligent as your sister? She never had trouble with math."

Kotonoha felt a blush raise to her cheeks.

"That's cause Onee-chan is boring," Kokoro said.

"What did you say?" Kotonoha warned her.

"I bet you don't even have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, speaking about that," her mom jumped in. "Why haven't we met him?"

"Can I go? I still have homework to do."

Her mom eyed her half-eaten plate. "Hm."

"I'm not hungry anymore," Kotonoha said.

"Alright then. Off you go."

Kokoro stood up as well. "I'm done too."

"Nice try. Back down young lady," her mom reprimanded her.

"But Onee-chan can leave?"

"Because your sister did not leave all her vegetables on her plate."

"Ye, no fair," Kokoro-chan complained.

Kotonoha left them to their argument.

She went to her room and laid down on her bed.

She was only gonna rest for a minute, nothing more. Just closing her eyes for a sec.

…

Kotonoha opened her eyes.

There was a weird feeling in her stomach.

Cramps?

How strange.

She was covered in sweat for some reason even though she didn't remember any nightmares.

A wave of nausea hit her.

Kotonoha jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

She was gonna vomit.

Oh fuck.

Kotonoha bend over the toilet. She hardly had one second left before it came up. Her half-digested food splashed in the toilet.

She took a few deep breaths and then vomited again, less this time.

The third time, she tried to vomit, but there was nothing left in her stomach, so she was just dry heaving.

Eventually, her stomach calmed down again.

Holy crap. Where did that suddenly come from?

Kotonoha flushed the toilet and brushed her teeth to get rid of the taste.

Was she sick? It did feel like she had a fever too, but to get sick so suddenly, that was-

Oh wait.

She walked back to her room and picked up her phone from the nightstand.

Her fingers navigated to the calendar.

Oh, of course. It was that time.

Kotonoha went back to the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste.

Probably best to go to bed early tonight.

She didn't bother getting changed again. She just took off the hoodie and slept in her yoga pants and a shirt.

She got under the covers and closed her eyes.

Her dreams were already waiting for her.