"Makoto-kun," Kotonoha mumbled in her sleep. "Don't stop."
Her eyes opened.
Was she still dreaming?
She was being held in his arms. His hand was still on her breast, right where he left it last night.
The position of her own body came in more slowly.
Fuck.
Her hand was in her own panties again, rubbing away.
"Hm." Makoto shifted in his sleep.
Kotonoha pulled her hand out. It was coated in her own fluids. She quickly wiped them on her top.
She had trained herself not to touch, but clearly sleeping with Makoto's hand on her breast had increased her urges. And she had been incredibly needy last night. She felt another wave of guilt when she remembered it. She had been very close to forcing herself upon him.
Kotonoha sighed inwardly. She had to focus more on him. She should be touching him, not herself.
"Hm." Makoto yawned. His eyes opened.
"Morning," Kotonoha whispered.
"Morning." He squeezed her boob.
"Ye, Makoto-kun."
"Something wrong?"
"No." She shifted closer to him. "Oh." She felt something hard poking against her butt.
"Sorry."
"Is that because of me or does that happen every morning?"
"Depends. What are you gonna do if I say it's because of you?"
"Well," she touched him over his boxers. "If it's my fault, I should take responsibility and fix it."
He showed a half-smile. "Well then it is because of you."
She turned around to face him. "Well then, please allow me to take care of it, Makoto-kun."
"Go ahead." He kissed her. As his tongue slipped into her mouth, her hand went down beneath his waistband. He wasn't fully hard yet, but she suspected it wouldn't be long.
He moved down to trail kisses along her neck.
She pulled down his boxers, careful not to hurt him.
His hand reached up and…
Oh, come on.
He was touching her just below her boobs.
Kotonoha took his cock and jerked him off hard like he had taught her the other day, but he still wouldn't touch them.
"Kotonoha-"
She kissed him again. Her tongue roughly pushed past his lips.
"Touch them," she demanded. "Fondle my breasts."
"Kotonoha-"
She grabbed his hand and pulled it upwards.
"That's enough!" He broke free from her grasp.
She stopped her movements.
"What's wrong?" she demanded. "Why won't you touch me?"
"Because you're hurting me."
She was taken back by that. "I… what are you talking about?"
"Use your hand, slowly. And focus on me for a change."
"I don't get it."
"Just do as I say."
She hesitantly slid her hand up and down. "It's…" there was an unusual resistance. "It's dry."
"Yeah. And it's not fully hard yet. You've got to ease into it, it hurts when you do it that hard right away. Wake me up carefully."
"I'm sorry."
"You'd have noticed that yourself if you focused on me."
"It's the frustration," she said. "I can't take it anymore."
"You want to switch?" he offered. "Want me to put my hand in your panties and help you out?"
"No. That… it's too early for that."
"Okay. But then it's not my fault you're frustrated. I offered to help you out, you refused. There is nothing more that I can do. You won't let me help you."
"You're right. I'm sorry."
"You're always sorry," he snapped.
"I…" she looked away. Tears stung in her eyes.
She couldn't even do this properly. Makoto-kun was right. She could be as frustrated as she liked, if she didin't let Makoto help her out, it was entirely her own fault. And he should not suffer consequences of her mistakes.
"Ah, that… I didn't mean to say it like that."
"No, you're right," she said. "No point in sugar coating it. I constantly want your attention, but only in very specific ways."
"So like a cat basically?" He tried to lighten the situation.
Kotonoha didn't laugh. "I'm a terrible girlfriend."
"That…"
"It's true, isn't it? Don't lie to me, Makoto-kun. You think so too."
He sighed. "Okay, I won't lie to you. You are pretty selfish. But I'm glad you're at least aware of it."
"Don't touch me please," she said. "I need to focus on you. This is all I can do to make it up to you. Don't yield to me when I'm being pushy, Makoto-kun. I don't want you to encourage that behaviour."
"Okay."
"I'll make it better," Kotonoha said. "I promise."
She got under the covers. Kotonoha reached out with her tongue and tentatively licked him.
"Fuck," he muttered under his breath. "That feels so fucking good."
"Do you like my tongue, Makoto-kun?"
"Yeah."
She coated it all in her saliva. Luckily, Makoto couldn't see her under the covers, so it wasn't as embarrassing as she had anticipated.
Kotonoha moved back up to lie next to him. Now her hand easily slid up and down.
"Better?" she asked.
"Much better."
"Tell me if you want anything, Makoto-kun. Anything at all."
"Well I wouldn't mind feeling your tongue back down there."
"Well…" that hadn't been too bad, had it? In fact, she had really enjoyed the shivers she sent through his body with every flick of her tongue.
But…
"Do I have to swallow it again?"
He looked confused. "You don't want to?"
"I… well, the taste is… you know." Would he be offended if she said she hated it?
"I won't force you to do anything, Kotonoha."
"You did last time," she pointed out. Kotonoha was surprisingly calm about it.
Makoto's frown deepened. "How so?"
"You ordered me to swallow it."
"No I didn't. What are you talking about?"
"But…"
"I told you I was gonna make a mess and you took it in your mouth."
"And then you told me to swallow it," she insisted.
"No I didn't. You did that on your own. I first said I would make a mess, then you swallowed it and then I told you you were amazing."
"But…" she was only weakly protesting now.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Kotonoha. I would never force you to do something like that. If you wanted to, I wouldn't stop you, but I wouldn't force it upon you."
"Yes, of course you wouldn't," she said slowly.
Had she imagined that?
It had been pretty out of character. Makoto had given her directions, but his voice had been kind all along. Then he had ordered her to swallow in a pretty direct and hard way and then he had been kind again. So maybe she had imagined that one command? After all, it was so different it wasn't weird to assume it wasn't real. And she had seen things that weren't real before.
"Kotonoha? Are you okay?"
"No," she said. "I'm scared."
"Scared of what?" he asked.
"I… we both remember different versions of what happened. I was certain you ordered me to do that."
"But I didn't."
"I know, but still, that's how I remember it."
"That is very weird, Kotonoha. But you do believe me, right?"
"Of course. If you say you didn't say that, then I believe you. But… where is the other version coming from?"
"I guess you made it up?" he suggested. "But why? It can't be random, it must come from somewhere."
"Yeah. There must be a reason behind it."
"Were you afraid of something?" he asked.
"Well, yes. Now that you mention it. I wanted to spit it out in the sink, but I was scared you'd be hurt."
"Oh."
"Would you have been hurt?" she asked.
"Maybe. It was a very intimate moment for me and you running off to the kitchen would have kinda ruined the mood. And… psychologically speaking, you are rejecting me like that."
"Exactly my thoughts. Since you didn't tell me what to do, I filled it in myself."
"Okay."
"But I don't want that," Kotonoha said. "I don't want to fill in the gaps myself. I want all my memories to be real."
"Technically speaking you can't prove any memory is real."
She knew. That was Last Thursdayism. The belief that the universe was created Last Thursday. No one really believed it, but it was not possible to disprove it, because any evidence you brought up was simply created as part of the universe Last Thursday. All her memories from before could technically have popped into existence five minutes ago. There was no way to prove anything was real.
"Even so," Kotonoha said. "I want to share the same memories as you."
"Well that seems reasonable. But how are you gonna do that?"
"I don't know." Somehow, she had to get rid of her fear of displeasing Makoto-kun. But how?
A silence fell. A very long silence.
"Is it really necessary?" Makoto suddenly asked.
"Huh?"
"Well technically you came up with that phrase. You just believed I said it."
"Yeah?"
"So would you really come up with something you don't want to do? You wouldn't intentionally hurt yourself, right?"
"Well…"
"Hm?"
"Nothing. Of course I would never hurt myself, that's crazy."
"So at some level, you must have secretly wanted me to say that."
"I guess that makes sense."
So that would mean she secretly wanted to swallow all along? She just didn't want to admit it to herself. Makoto was right. If she didn't want it, why would she dream of him saying it? And why would she do it? If Makoto told her to jump of a bridge, she wouldn't do it, right? Kotonoha was perfectly capable of refusing him, so if she hadn't refused him, it had to mean she secretly wanted it as well.
"So really, nothing bad happened," Makoto said. "Which one of us said it in the end isn't really important. As long as both of us like it, it should be okay."
"Yeah, you're right."
"Of course I'm right."
"Modest as always, are we?"
"Obviously," he said. "So, where were we?"
"Let me give you a reminder," Kotonoha said. She got back under the blanket.
He wasn't hard anymore, but when she used her tongue, that started to change. She wrapped her hand back around him and slowly jerked him off while she licked the tip.
"Ah, now I remember," Makoto said. "That feels really good, Kotonoha."
"Tell me if you want anything, Makoto-kun."
"Wrap your lips around it."
She hesitantly did as he asked. She had done this before to swallow his cum, so it was no big deal.
Makoto put his hand on the back of her head.
"What are you-"
"Shh." He gently pushed her down on him. "Let me guide you."
"Uhu." She hummed her approval.
Under his guidance, she bobbed her head up and down his… she might as well say it now: she was sucking his cock. Kotonoha may be innocent, but she was by no means ignorant. She had overheard plenty of girls talking about these things and several books in her personal library were so called 'romance novels' that didn't leave much to the imagination.
"Move your hand away," he ordered.
Kotonoha hesitated for a brief second, but then did as he said. Makoto started pushing her deeper. The head was touching the back of her mouth now. Any deeper and she would start gagging. Makoto seemed to know this too, because he didn't go deeper.
"That's a good girl."
Kotonoha felt a strong urge to touch herself between her legs, but she resisted it. This was about Makoto-kun. She had to focus on him. She had to prove to him she could be a good girlfriend.
He kept going for a while, until…
"Fuck, I'm gonna cum."
She hummed her okay.
He gripped her hair tightly and finished in her mouth.
Kotonoha kept it all inside. She didn't want to disappoint Makoto-kun.
A shiver went through her. She still hated the…
No, wait, that wasn't possible. She wanted it in her mouth, right? And she wanted to swallow it?
"It's okay," Makoto said. "You're not a slut for liking this. Just accept your own desires, Kotonoha."
Yeah, that had to be it. She was scared to admit to herself she liked it because she wanted to maintain the image of an innocent girl. But all evidence showed she wasn't innocent at all. She was just waiting for someone to give her a little push. It was time to be honest and accept her own desires.
Makoto released her hair.
She carefully took him out of her mouth.
Makoto had released quite a lot of cum. She moved it around with her tongue to savor the taste. Then, she swallowed it. It went down on the first try this time.
There was still some leftover cum on him. She reached out and cleaned him with her tongue. When she was certain she had gotten it all, she moved back up and went to lie next to him.
"Did I do a good job?"
"Not bad for your first time," he said with a satisfied smile on his face.
"Hm. So not good either?"
"It's nothing. I just…"
"Hm?"
"Would like to look at you while you do it."
"Oh, yeah, of course, I understand. Next time, okay?"
"Okay."
He gave her a kiss.
"Can I brush my teeth first?" Kotonoha asked. "I feel bad about letting you taste it."
"Sure. I think I'll brush my teeth as well."
They both went to the bathroom.
Kotonoha spend longer brushing her teeth, but Makoto waited patiently.
"So, where were we?" he asked when she was done.
"I don't remember."
"Let me refresh your memory then."
Makoto put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on the sink. His lips claimed hers.
She yielded completely under the kiss. Makoto could easily slip his tongue in her mouth. His hand went beneath her tank top and touched her bare breasts. An electrifying sensation went through her. Makoto had touched her chest before, but not directly.
She moaned into his mouth. Makoto found her nipples and twisted and turned them. It hurt a bit, but the pain only seemed to add to her arousal.
Kotonoha felt a strange urge to take off her top. She wanted him to take her, right here. She didn't care it was her first time, she just wanted him to fuck her as hard as he could.
"Makoto-kun? Are you awake?" A voice called.
Makoto cursed under his breath.
"I'm in the bathroom," he said.
"Well can you hurry a bit? I need to get to work."
"Coming."
He opened the door and went out. Kotonoha followed him. She hoped his mom did not see her hard nipples, or the wet spot on her panties.
"We should get dressed," Makoto said.
"Yeah." Kotonoha took out her clothes from yesterday and a new pair of panties. Since she had slept here a few times, she always carried spare underwear and her toothbrush in her bag.
Makoto took out clothes from his closet.
"Uhm, would you mind turning around?" Kotonoha asked. It was very strange to ask him that when just a minute ago, she had almost taken off her top.
"Okay."
He turned around.
Kotonoha changed into her clothes. Makoto didn't peek on her.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I just…"
"It's okay," he said, without turning around. "Take all the time you need, Kotonoha."
"It's silly. I've done much worse than getting naked."
"Worse?"
He turned to her.
Kotonoha turned blood red, and not because she only had her underwear on.
"I… I just meant…"
"Are you just doing these things because you're afraid I'll dump you otherwise?"
"No, no. I… I am afraid you'll dump me, I mean, you have every reason to, but I… I'm doing… sexy things with you because I want to."
"I'm not sure if I can believe that, Kotonoha. Lots of times it looks like you're only doing it out of guilt or a sense of obligation."
"I… I understand how it looks like, but I promise I'm telling the truth. I want to do sexy things with you."
"But you don't want to get naked with me?"
"I'm sorry. Just… I know it must be very frustrating for you. So… whenever you want to, just say the word and I'll use my hands or my mouth to relief you. And you can… touch my chest whenever you want to. I know it's not much, but it's all I can give you, so please be satisfied with that for now."
He moved closer to her. "Whenever I want?"
"Y-Yes."
"Okay then."
She let out a breath of relief. "Thanks for being so patient with me, Makoto."
"No problem."
She swallowed hard. "So weren't we planning to go to the pool today?" She quickly changed the subject.
"Yeah, sure. Let me just get my trunks."
"We're gonna have to pass by my house to pick up my bikini," Kotonoha said. "I don't have it with me."
"You could just swim naked," he suggested.
"Y-You know I'm not ready for that. I'm trying but…"
"It was a joke," Makoto said. "You can't swim naked in a public pool."
"Oh, yeah, of course not. Sorry, I was just confused for a sec."
"Okay." He put his bag over one shoulder. "Shall we?"
"Uhu."
They went outside and walked to the station. Sakakino Hills was on the way to her house, so it wasn't that much of a detour.
At her stop, they got off and walked to her house.
"I'll wait here," Makoto said at the front porch.
"Okay. I'll be right back."
Kotonoha went inside.
No one was home. Kotonoha went to her room to pick up her bikini and a towel.
She put them in a bag and prepared to go out, but then she hesitated.
They had a private pool in the garden. Makoto had only been here once, so he didn't know. She could just ask him to come in.
Her heartbeat increased. In a private pool, she could actually swim naked. She knew she would never dare doing that, but there was that exciting possibility.
Should she ask him?
Kotonoha went back out. Makoto-kun was waiting for her.
"Say uhm…"
"Hm?"
"Nothing. Let's go."
"Okay."
She facepalmed inwardly. She just didn't have the confidence to ask him. She was too scared of what would happen when they were alone.
Both of them walked back to the station and got on the train.
"You're quiet," he said.
"I'm just thinking about some things."
He said nothing.
They talked about unimportant things until they arrived at the pool.
"This brings back memories," she said.
"Yeah."
What was he referring to? Was it their second kiss? Or was he talking about how she had freaked out about her top getting loose and accused him of some stupid things?
She should make sure she only gave him good memories this time.
They paid for their tickets and went inside.
Kotonoha looked at the changing rooms.
She had an idea to give him a good memory.
"Kotonoha?"
"Huh? Uhm, nothing, let's go change."
"Uhm, okay."
She quickly went inside a cubicle and closed the door behind her.
Stupid.
It was so simple. She just had to ask him to help her out with her bikini. It wasn't hard. In fact, she had done it already in her dreams.
With a deep sigh, Kotonoha changed into her bikini.
Makoto was waiting for her outside.
"So," he asked. "Where do you want to go first? Water slide?"
"Hoping to see me topless are you?"
"Well what's the point if you don't show me willingly."
"I…"
"Kotonoha?"
"Nothing. I'm just a bit tired, so can we do something calm?"
"Well I've got an idea."
He took her hand and guided her to a pool.
It was a bubble bath. The water was very warm.
No one else was here, for now.
"Ah." Kotonoha leaned back against the edge. "This is amazing."
Makoto-kun went to sit right next to her. He put his arm around her shoulder.
Kotonoha put her head down on his chest and closed her eyes.
He moved his hand down and gave her breast a soft squeeze.
"Makoto-kun," she complained. "Don't do that. We're in public."
It was fine when they were alone, but he couldn't do it in public. That was all wrong. Even if there was no one around right now.
"Do what?"
"Fondle my chest."
"I didn't do anything."
She opened her eyes and lifted her head.
"Yes you did. I'm certain I…"
"Yes?"
"Sorry, I must have drifted off for a sec. It must have been the waves or something."
"You're worrying too much, Kotonoha. Just sit here and relax."
"Okay."
She put her head back down and closed her eyes again.
He touched her breasts again. At least, it felt like he did, yet she knew that was impossible. Makoto wouldn't do that.
And even if he was doing it, she reasoned, he was allowed to. She had told him he could touch her chest whenever he wanted to, so that extended to public places as well.
Kotonoha quickly stood up. "Let's go on the water slide."
"Uhm, okay."
They got out and walked to the highest water slide. The one that had gotten her top loose before.
Kotonoha waited her turn. It didn't take that long.
"Let's go together," he suggested when they were up.
"Okay."
She sat down between his legs. Makoto wrapped his arms around her belly.
When the light turned green, they went down.
After the first turn, they were in darkness.
Makoto's hands slid up. They roughly grabbed her chest. At the same time, he softly bit her ear.
"Makoto-kun! What are you doing? Not here."
"What do you mean? I'm not doing anything."
"Yes you are. You-"
She reached up to touch her own chest. His hands were-
Still on her belly?
This was impossible.
Just when she tried to touch his hands, the sensation had vanished. She only felt her own hands on her chest. Makoto's hands were back on her belly.
Had he moved them at the right time?
No, no, that was ridiculous. He couldn't possibly have timed it that well.
The answer was pretty simple: his hands had never left her belly. She just desperately wanted him to touch her.
But there were more appropriate ways to ask for that.
"Are you okay, Kotonoha?"
She swallowed hard. "Why aren't you touching them, Makoto-kun?"
"What?"
"I would have thought a boy like you would take this opportunity to feel up his girlfriend. Am I not attractive to you?"
"You mean like this?"
His hands grabbed her chest (again?).
"I like it when you take charge, Makoto-kun," she admitted.
"I like it too."
"Don't hesitate to touch me, Makoto-kun. I said you could touch them whenever you want to, and I meant it."
His hand slipped beneath her top and pinched her bare nipple.
"You're mine," he whispered into her ear.
"Yes." She leaned back on his shoulder.
His lips claimed hers.
It was strange. Just how long was this waterslide? Shouldn't they have been down there already?
They made a final turn and bright light assaulted them. Makoto quickly retracted his hands.
Water splashed in their faces as they slowed down quickly.
She immediately checked her top, but it was still in place. All the important bits were covered.
"One more time?" he suggested.
"Yeah."
They went back up.
It was pretty late when they left the pool.
"I had a lot of fun," Makoto said. It was only a few minutes before their train would come.
"Me too."
He leaned and gently kissed her.
She closed her eyes.
Suddenly, his hand reached up and rested on her breast.
They were in public. He couldn't do this. She prepared to push him off her...
But…
What if she was being paranoid again? Maybe he wasn't touching her breast at all? Maybe she would freak out again and hurt him even though there was nothing going on at all.
She didn't want to hurt him. And he had been touching her breasts plenty of times before. At this point, she really had to stop freaking out.
As she was struggling, Makoto lowered his hand and broke off the kiss.
He smiled at her.
She tried smiling back.
"Is something wrong?"
"No. I… that was a good kiss."
He smiled. "You want another one?"
"Uhu."
He leaned back in and kissed her again.
His hand found her breast again.
Was she imagining things again? Makoto wouldn't touch her breasts like that in public, it had to be her imagination.
She kept her eyes closed tightly.
Maybe her fantasies were taking over? Maybe she was suppressing her desires so much, they had started to leak out like this?
Her body felt hot. It had to be that. She desired him so much her mind made her feel these things. Secretly, she wanted him to touch her breasts but she didn't want to admit it.
"Makoto-kun. Touch my chest, please," she asked in between kisses.
"Are you sure? We're in public."
"Please," she kissed him harder.
"Alright, if that's what you really want."
He reached up and fondled her breasts hard. Yes, this was real without a doubt.
"Is that okay?" he asked.
"Perfect. Thank you, Makoto-kun."
"Whatever you want, Kotonoha."
She kept kissing him as he touched her boobs.
They made out like that for a few minutes before he pulled back.
"No," she protested. "Keep kissing me."
"Stop being selfish," he said, his voice was hard. "I did like you asked, now show some gratitude instead of demanding more."
She lowered her eyes. "Sorry. Thanks for obliging my request, Makoto-kun."
He said nothing.
"You're hard again," she noticed.
"I wonder how that came to be," he said sarcastically.
"I can't take care of it right now," she said. "But I promise I'll do it when we're alone."
"Okay."
Their train arrived. Both of them got on it.
"Makoto-kun," she blurted out.
"Yeah?"
"Can we… go swimming again?"
"Oh, yeah, sure."
"I mean. At my home."
"Your home?" He looked confused.
"We have a private swimming pool."
"Oh. I didn't know that."
"Well I forgot to give you a tour last time."
"You can do that next time," he assured her.
"So, do you want to come swimming?"
"Hm, on one condition."
"Which is?"
"You have to swim topless."
Kotonoha turned bright red. "Ye, Makoto-kun."
"What? I'm swimming topless, it's only fair you do the same."
She swallowed hard. "Okay."
"Wait, what?"
"It's okay. I'll do it."
"Hm. You promise?"
"Yes I promise. You're absolutely right, if you swim topless, I should swim topless as well." His logic made sense. Why should there be a double standard? Boys were swimming topless, so girls should do it as well. There was no reason to apply different rules to girls.
"We better do it when no one is home then," Makoto said.
"Tomorrow afternoon should work. Kokoro has tutoring for math and my parents are working."
"Okay. I'll come to your house then."
"I'm looking forward to it."
"Me too."
He leaned in and kissed her. Kotonoha wrapped her arms around his neck.
He moved to tongue kissing. Without asking, Makoto reached up with his hand and fondled her chest.
It didn't even occur to her to resist. Makoto-kun could touch her chest whenever and however he wanted. She was simply happy with everything she got.
Kotonoha felt her own wetness seeping through her panties.
She could feel him getting hard. Kotonoha felt proud that she was the one causing him to get hard, but there was also some guilt. She had to do something about it. She was the one causing it, so she should fix it.
Kotonoha felt a strong urge to simply take it out right here and take care of it.
Makoto stopped kissing her.
"This is your stop," he said.
"Oh." She had forgotten they were on a train.
"See you tomorrow."
"Yeah."
They shared one more kiss and then she got off the train.
Kotonoha walked home on her own.
She couldn't wait until tomorrow.