It's currently 4 am, and I am deadly tired. But I got to eat ice cream on the beach so I guess it's not that bad ^^"

Chapter XXIX

Change of heart

There it is, lightly floating. Its glow, of a vibrant blue, almost cyan, flickers with every heartbeat — not menacingly, it is in no way threatening to fade. The sight is surprisingly calming, as if gazing upon a bare soul delivers the mind of all of its worries. Yet, the implications of this little heart exposed as it is should be a source of concern — not when it is not upside down, not when it is not in the hand of the body it belongs to.

Holding this fragile heart means having the power of life and death on the one it gives life to: it is the sole reason even Humans, despite almost entirely lacking the ability to interact with it, instinctively resist when someone reaches for their soul without their consent.

Which means this blue, trembling heart accepted to be seen — to put its fate into someone else's hands.

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But its broken.

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Gaster had never seen such a thing, perhaps because Monsters' souls would probably not withstand being shattered and pulled back together like that. Shattered souls can last for a while, a few days to almost a year, held together by magic. However, magic cannot regenerates if the soul is damaged to such a point, thus condemning it to vanish. In fact, almost any damage dealt to a Monster's soul cannot be healed.

Humans' souls, on the other hand, can survive without magic. This ability gives them the power to last past the bodies to which they are linked. They are also known to be capable of healing on their own, thanks to the determination Humans' bodies can withstand. These two abilities, when combined, gives Humans the one thing Monsters have always envied : the most astonishing and terrifying faculty to refuse even death.

Yet, Humans still have the nerve to accuse his kind of being monstrous.

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However, the soul Gaster is holding didn't reform on its own — no, it would have been much harder to see if it had been the case. The three blue shards are linked all together by what Gaster would most definitely call a magical glue — despite the lack of professionalism of such a term, which is why his recorder is currently recording a deadly silence. He has to focus, to contain his surprise — no, not surprise. This emotion is not one Gaster can easily put his finger onto — a mix of amazement, fear, curiosity and… sadness?

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'I know, it's… It's not good-looking, uh?'

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Gaster considers ignoring Sans, ignoring the fact that he — a human — is aware his soul shouldn't look like it does. In fact, he would love the option even more, because him knowing arises even more questions. How can he know? Because of Alphys? Because of Myriad? Because of someone else? If he knew, how far does his knowledge go? How much can he tell? How… how. Just how. Just… how.

Do you really want to know, Gaster? Do you?

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Do you wish to hear of the pain that can break a soul? Of the pain of putting it back together? Do you think you deserve to be the judge of the reasons behind this? Doesn't it pain you? The idea of knowing? Yet, you still need to know, don't you?

Do you think you're doing this for your son? Or is it just for you?

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So, Gaster, do you think it is possible for you to answer all the questions in your head?

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'No,' Gaster eventually answers. 'No, it's not.'

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He can't answer all the questions, in his head or not, but he can try. He wanted to convince himself he was doing this for Papyrus, but he has to admit he hasn't been completely honest: as much as he wishes it was all for his son, most of what he conducted was for himself. He wanted to know, despite Papyrus's attempts to convince him Sans wasn't — isn't a threat. And now… Now that he is so close to finally getting an answer… Only now is Gaster met with doubts.

He isn't sure the knowledge is worth the price, not anymore. He played the card of the scientist, but it doesn't align as it did back in the park. Why would Papyrus trust a human? Why would Alphys, his most promising student, trust a human? Why would Myriad… Why would Myriad not be here anymore? Only the last one is lacking an answer, for the two others should have been obvious from the start.

They didn't trust a human.

They trusted a person.

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They did what any scientist should do: they judged the situation without, or almost without, any bias. And… Perhaps that's the answer. Not to all of his question, but to why he should try to know. Perhaps… Perhaps everyone could benefit from it. He would get to know, Alphys too. He could reassure Papyrus or at least help him accept a bitter truth. And Sans… He doubts he couldn't discover one or two things this human — no, this boy doesn't know. Only then, from what he will have learned, will Gaster decides whether or not he should help him.

Thus, he reaches for his recorder, pronouncing the last words it will record on the subject before he will decide against keeping the tape.

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'The soul of the human, Sans, seems to be primarily blue. However, yellow can be spotted, cyan is a possibility. It indicates integrity as a main trait, but with a strong justice secondary trait at least. Therefore, it is of no use to King Asgore as a blue soul has already be captured. The soul also presents an abnormally in its composition. Indeed, it seems to have been shattered and put back together with the help of magic. Thus, white lines can be seen gluing the different shards, which are estimated to be at the number of three. Without further tests, it cannot be said what the effects of such a condition could be. However, it is highly probable the ability to use magic is one of them, although nothing hints whether the influence of the magic types encountered can influence the type developed or if it is a mere coincidence.'

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Gaster stops talking, releasing his grip on Sans's soul. He addresses him a smile as the little blue heart disappear, to which Sans raises a brow.

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'I wish to conduct those tests, but those shall not be recorded. Precautions need to be taken, so I will only take notes of facts and will avoid writing down anything which is not directly linked to the condition. However, first...' Gaster waits a little, just enough to see Sans try to guess what would be done to him. 'I need Sans to agree with those tests for them to be conducted.'

'Wait, you need… I get to say something?'

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For a split second, there is no fear nor warriness. Only surprise. Gaster knows he has to earn Sans's trust just as much as Sans has to earn his, and this is the first step. It doesn't feel completely right yet, but he has to give it a try — he has to forget the human to see the boy. It's for the best, he repeats to himself, bias have to be avoided. Also… He needs to trust Papyrus, and he has to do his best to make him happy even if it means taking this risk. However, this time, Gaster isn't trying to convince himself his son is the sole reason for his actions. He is not, but he is part of them.

Thus, Gaster turns off the recorder and takes his notebook.

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'Papyrus likes you, and I won't strip him of a friend,' he says as he prepares himself to write — with his own hand, this time. 'Besides… I decided to give you a chance.'

'Uh…' Sans hesitates a little, his worries resurfacing and making Gaster realizes Sans need reassurance he is not lying. 'Thanks, I guess?'

'I'll assume Papyrus is right about you, so I will try to help you as long as you don't oppose a threat.' Gaster pauses, focusing on getting the tape out of the recorder. 'It doesn't mean I trust you yet, and I'm not asking you to trust me either. So here, this is your proof I requested your consent.'

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As he says so, Gaster hands Sans the tape. The boy eventually accepts to take it, even though he is quite reluctant at first. After all, it is his best option: if Gaster is ready to give him a chance, it's better to seize it than getting killed — be it by a monster, possibly Gaster himself, or by whatever was going on with his soul. He will address the fact Gaster apparently changed his mind in less than an hour for sure, but he will address it later. And, when he means later, he means when he feels at least remotely safe. Which could be never.

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'So…' — Gaster's pen rests on his notebook — 'First, I want to know what happened.'