Part 1

10.00 a.m. on a Monday morning

"Emma Lim?" the receptionist called.

The young lady was sitting down in the waiting room, patiently waiting for the doctor she was dreading to see to call her into her office.

"Here goes nothing" she thought before standing up and following the receptionist. She truly wondered why she was there instead of being in the library, working on her next science assignment. As she followed the receptionist, it seemed a long walk to the doctor's office. "At least", she kept thinking to herself, "Mom will stop bothering me about seeing a psychiatrist. And best of all, her insurance will be triggered so I don't even have to bother calling her to let her know."

She was deep in her thoughts when they stopped in front of a closed door. She could read "Dr Wong, MD" written in golden letters. After knocking gently on the door, the receptionist introduced Emma to the psychiatrist.

"Miss Lim is here to see you Dr. Wong."

"Please Miss Lim, do come in and make yourself comfortable" she said, welcoming Emma in her office with a warm smile.

The lady was probably in her early forties, of Asian descent without a doubt but as she spoke, no trace of any foreign accent could be spotted. Emma concluded she had probably grown up in the States. She couldn't help but notice her diplomas. She had graduated med school at Johns Hopkins, just like her mother. But worse, she had graduated in 2005, the same year her mother had graduated too. She felt like leaving straight away. The last thing she wanted was to see someone who knew her mother.

She wanted to feel anonymous and there she was, seeing a shrink on Penn's campus, on the opposite coast of her mother's home and the doctor had to have at least encountered her once.

She couldn't leave however. She sat down, hoping that her European features would be enough to hide the fact that her mother was no one else but the great Dr. Lim, chief of surgery at San Jose Saint Bonaventure Hospital.

"So, Miss Lim… May I call you Emma?" The young lady nodded though she wasn't sure she liked where this whole consult was headed already. But she didn't have to come back, did she?

"Okay, Emma… can you tell me more about yourself before we dive in? You know, today will mostly be a chat between you and I so that I may evaluate how I can help you, how long we will have to see each other and so on. So no pressure, let's just get to know each other. I'll go first. I'm Dr. Wong. I come from Taiwan but I grew up in America. I have a joint degree in pharmacy and medicine and I did my residency in psychiatry. I went to Johns Hopkins, then to Columbia for my residency and I moved to Philadelphia when I got a Job at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania."

Emma waited a while before talking. She didn't want to disclose anything too personal so went for a similar answer.

"I'm Emma. I'm a junior at Penn. I was recruited there on full scholarship to be a runner in their D1 team. I study bioengineering. I'd like to work in prosthetics or become a vet later on."

"Alright, thank you. Well, I already had most of those details on your patient file already since you're a student here at Penn. I was hoping I would get to know the real Emma, not the name associated to those accomplishments."

"Is that really relevant?"

"I understand you might feel ill at ease. But I can't help you if I don't know how you got to where you're at today."

Emma froze. She couldn't do it. Her entire body was telling her to back up and so she did.

"I don't know what I'm doing here" she said while gathering her coat and bag. "I'm really sorry for wasting your time. I'll pay on my way out."

"The first consult is always free." Dr. Wong had just enough time to say. Emma was already walking out and about to close the door behind her. She paused and turned to face the psychiatrist.

"Please Emma, you won't be wasting my time if you stay until I decide we're finished."

"Fine" Emma said dryly and sat back on the couch opposite the doctor's desk. "What do you want to know?"

"Just your story Emma. Who you are, really. You're not just a bunch of accomplishments. I want to know what drives you, why you wake up in the morning and what you aspire to be or become!"

It bothered her. It annoyed her that seeing a shrink meant having to be personal. She hated it. But she felt trapped and was already looking for a way to stop coming. In the meantime, she spoke the answer she spoke to most people asking her about who she was and how on Earth she was carrying an Asian name when she looked 300% European.

"I come from France. I grew up there. My parents died when I was 10 and I was adopted by my godmother. Since I was born in the States, I am both French and American. And before you ask, yes, my mother is Audrey Lim, chief of surgery at Saint Bonaventure in San Jose. She's from Taiwan too. And the only reason I'm here today is because she asked me to see a psychiatrist or she'll stop paying for housing and meals. You may report to her. I've already had my patient-physician privilege being violated many times."

"Oh Emma, I'm sorry about your parents. And about your mother, I knew the minute I saw you… So, she's still at Saint Bonaventure… And chief of surgery… Audrey and I went to med school together and although we did our residencies on opposite coasts and picked completely different specialties, we still kept in touch with each other for a few years after graduation. She told me she had adopted a little French girl back in 2010. We've completely lost contact after a while, but it's really nice to finally meeting you."

"So… you know my mother but you don't talk to her anymore?"

"No, I don't" she replied smiling. "And please, don't worry about me reporting to her. You're here as my patient Emma. Not as the daughter of an old friend. None of the things you tell me will go out of those four walls. Is that clear?"

"Thank you" Emma said sighing with relief, knowing that for once, she had a shot as having her privacy being respected. She suddenly felt more confident and ready to talk to Dr. Wong, although facing her emotions was still something she was running away from.

"Now that we've established things a little, would you mind telling me a bit more about why you're here?"

"I was diagnosed with PTSD and an eating disorder last year. Although… I think the psychiatrist who diagnosed me was mistaken…"

"Alright, we're going to work on that. Are you on any medication?"

"No. And I don't want to" she said dryly.

"That point is my call Emma, not yours but I'll tell you what. As of today, I'm not prescribing anything. We can make a deal. We try helping you without it first, but if I don't see any improvement within a couple month or so, we'll have to put you on some drugs."

"I won't come back if you put me on medication."

"And I won't treat you if we don't make that deal."

The tone in Dr. Wong's voice had changed, showing Emma that she was neither going to negotiate nor in a situation of power.

"Emma, I know you're not only here because your mother asked you to. You're also here because your coach, backed up by your sports physician who has made a letter to the department, have made it very clear that unless you get your issues under control, you won't be a part of a running team anymore. You won't find any psychiatrist here that will make such a deal with you. You won't find anyone ready to help you without medication if you need it. I'm offering you the best options you'll ever get."

Emma took a while to weigh her options down and indeed, she wasn't going to find a better deal than this one. And without really knowing why, she felt that she could trust Dr. Wong.

"Fine." She simply said and the deal was sealed.

"2 month it is then. And I'll see you next week. You can schedule appointments with my receptionist."

They exchanged goodbyes, Emma gathered her belongings and that was it. A half hour gone and a deal she wasn't sure she truly liked; yet one she couldn't run out of. It was the beginning of not controlling things anymore.