Let's give Audrey some good news :D

Miracles

It was painful to see Emma lying on a hospital bed as memories of Neil lying in a similar bed were still very vivid. At least now Emma was stable. Everyday Audrey took the time to stop by and be by her daughter's side. She spent hours talking to her, fondling her hands with her fingers. She wished she didn't have to touch her through her double pair of gloves or that she could be in her presence without wearing two masks, a surgical cap and a disposable gown atop her surgical scrubs. She wished she could open the window and let Emma feel some fresh air. None of her wishes were likely to be granted but at least Emma wasn't alone. And that in itself was a luxury no other patient could afford.

For weeks, Audrey barely took the time to go home, and anyways she liked it better that way for when she was leaving the hospital, she was crippled with anxiety and haunted by the thought that while she would be asleep, Emma would go away. She dreaded the moment she would have to make the decision to take her off life support. So, to make up for her fear, she had decided to sleep in her office. She didn't get much sleep when she was off duty but she reassured herself by thinking that this way, if anything happened, she'd be there in the blink of an eye.

After three weeks on ECMO though, hopes of saving the young lady became slimmer and slimmer. It was no longer useful to sedate her as the medically induces coma had turned into a natural coma. She went into cardiac arrest twice and was barely improving if not worsening. One day, Audrey took the decision she had postponed for so long. Instead of signing the papers to allow the doctors to change Emma's VV-ECMO to a VA-ECMO to help supporting her heart, Audrey signed a DNR in case Emma was to go into cardiac arrest again. The whole situation felt like use of intensive medication and she was sure the damages made by the virus were already irreversible. It was useless keeping her alive if she couldn't live on her own, if she were to be dependent of life support machines and medications for the remaining of her days.

That evening she couldn't work or focus properly on anything, convinced that somehow, now that the decision was made, Emma would die any minute. She stayed by her side, talking to her, apologizing for being a bad mother, begging her to fight and come back to life, cried until she was drained of all energy and when most of the staff was gone and only the night shift staff remained, she closed the blinds and did something wildly unprofessional. She took off her mask and gloves, carefully moved her daughter's lifeless body to the side of the bed and lied next to her. She spent the night head resting on her chest, rocked to sleep by her slow and steady heartbeat. She slept soundly, the best night she had had ever since the beginning of the pandemic.

The next morning, a miracle happened. Overnight, her stats had improved and as the sun rose, Emma awoke. She felt a mass weighing on her chest and smelled a familiar smell. She remembered being in a hospital and wondered how long she had spent in this room. Everything all seemed like a big blur in her mind. She opened her eyes and let them slowly adapt to the darkness in the room. She was too weak to move her head, too drowsy to try sitting up. Everything just felt heavy. After a moment, she identified the smell. It was Audrey's spicy perfume, the smell she adored since she wore the same perfume as her deceased mother. She was glad the smell was strong enough to prevent her from smelling the hospital smell, which she had grown too familiar with after 6 weeks in a covid unit.

As she was adjusting to her surroundings, all her senses became shaper. She found that the negative pressure room was way too loud and wondered how Audrey could sleep undisturbed. Not to mention the beeping of the monitors, the ventilator insufflating oxygen every ten seconds or so, and the blood pressure cuff which hurt her arm each time it was inflating. When she felt a bit more awoken, she tried moving. She was still unable to move her head but tried wiggling her toes. It worked. She seemed to still have two functioning feet but something in her left leg was clearly bothering her. It didn't really hurt but she really felt like scratching it. Then she tried moving her fingers. Her left hand and arm were completely free but Audrey's chest was blocking her right side. She felt pins and needles in her right arm and as she tried moving her right hand, could feel on her skin the fabric of the scrubs.

She was sure it was Audrey laying on her, even though she couldn't see her. She tried lifting her free arm and after a few attempts, managed to bring it up on her chest. As she was lifting it, she saw her forearm. It shocked her to see it that skinny. She was sure she could wrap her fingers around what used to be the thickest part of it. She let her fingers feel the tube popping out of her mouth and then, let them run along Audrey's long black hair. She touched her cheeks to try waking her up but she was sound asleep.

She let another moment pass and when she could move her head, tried speaking. She couldn't. She thought she had lost her voice for good at first. No sound seemed to come out. She tried a few more time and finally realized it was just the tube that prevented her from speaking. She recalled watching a few medical dramas where patients pulled as hard as they could to remove the tube. It seemed like a painful idea. And Audrey wouldn't bulge. Then she remembered she was supposed to deflate the balloon. Only she had no idea how she was supposed to do it. She had to wake her mother up. There was no way she would stay trapped in this uncomfortable bed. Finally, after many attempts, Emma felt her mother moving and yawning. It was a little over 6 in the morning. She could see the sun trying to peak through the blinds.

Audrey first didn't realize what was happening to her. She was dreaming about the time when Neil and Emma were both alive and healthy. She felt good in that dream and didn't want to wake up. But a hand reluctantly tickling her abdomen and another one trying to shake her shoulder finally brought the dream to an end. She wanted to scold whoever nurse it was that had come in without her permission but figured out she was alone in the room. And Emma was awake. Alive. Her chest seemed to be lifting itself on its own. She rose her head to look at her and smiled. She was still weak, thin, with a long way to go but no longer needing life support to make it through one more night.

"Honey" she said softly, "I've missed you." She put her mask back on and kissed her forehead through its fabric. Then she shut down her oxygen supply and waited with her. She seemed to be breathing on her own without any issue. Relieved, she suctioned her daughter's mouth, deflated the balloon and finally removed the tube.

"Don't try talking" she said as Emma was already struggling to make a sound. "I'll get you some ice chips. Your throat must be painful."

Indeed, Emma's throat was sore. But she had been waiting too long to talk and while Audrey was gone to get some water and some ice chips, Emma forced the sound out. Her voice was hoarse and weak. She could barely hear herself back but it would only be a matter of time before she would talk as she had used to. When Audrey came back, she fed her a spoon of ice chips and smiled.

"I've missed you too Mom" Emma articulated after swallowing the first spoon. "Thanks for not giving up on me. What happened?" she added, trying to smile back.

"A lot!" Audrey said chuckling. "But long story short, we had to put you on ECMO in order to give your lungs some time to heal".

"Oh. That explains the rusty cannula in my leg."

"I'll make sure you get off ECMO today. Does it hurt?"

"No. Just itchy."

"Exactly as I remember it" she said chuckling. "Alright, I'll call a nurse to check in on you. And I'll make sure Dr Andrews takes care of your leg" Audrey added and got ready to leave the room and get back to the load of work she still had to deal with.

"Please stay" Emma asked. "Just a little while. I… don't want to be alone" she admitted.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours. I promise. And then I'll stay with you. Just give me a bit of time to round a few patients and freshen up."