The bitter taste of being alive

Audrey woke up three days later to the familiar smell of hospital rooms and sterilized bedsheets. She could feel the chest tube popping out of her chest. It was uncomfortable but at least the pain was gone. And so was her laborious breathing. After a few minutes, she felt a bit more awoken and moved her head to check her monitor. Everything looked good. Her O2 stat was 98. She was definitely alive… and not alone. Beside her was Emma. She was asleep, her head resting on the right side of the bed and her body curled up on a chair she had pulled as close as she could to the bed. She looked so frail, wrapped in the blanket that Lim kept in her office for when she had to sleep at the hospital.

Audrey wondered if Emma was real or if she was just another hallucination. She still felt heavy from the sedation she had been under for three days but tried raising her hand to touch her daughter's hair. They felt real. In her hallucinations, she was never able to touch the people she was interacting with. Emma was startled by the hand in her hair. She awoke and when she figured out it was Audrey's hand, smiled at her. She had dark circles under her eyes and they were red and swollen. She had probably cried not long ago, Audrey figured. It tugged at her heartstrings.

"Hey Mom" Emma said softly, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand. "I'm glad you're awake. I wish I could hug you" she added.

It had been a very long time since Emma had showed Audrey some affection. After all the fights, all the heated exchanges, she had just felt like she had lost her mother for good. She thought she was better off on campus, focusing on her engineering degree, salvaging her running career and trying to rehab her lungs so that she wouldn't miss too much on competitions. Her recovery was taking longer than she had expected. She was angry at Audrey for acting the way she did with her and everybody else. But the minute she had been called by Dr Browne to let her know what had happened, she couldn't think of any other thing but being by Audrey's side and holding her in her arms. She had jumped in the first plane she had found and had flown back home. Nothing else but Audrey mattered at that moment. She couldn't have cared less about her classes and missing an exam. She'd just take it again later if she had to.

From the moment she had arrived at the hospital on, she had spent her entire time in Audrey's room. She had tried sleeping on the couch in her mother's office but just couldn't stand the idea of her being alone. Even though she was going to be fine, she couldn't help but thinking these might be the last moments she was spending with her. And if that were to be the case, she couldn't afford to spend a single minute on her own. She had only left the room a couple of times to get a shower and a bit of food, though her appetite was down.

Just an hour or so before Lim had awoken, Emma had been crying over the regrets she felt, for not being the daughter her mother deserved. Audrey was so moved by Emma's words that she opened her arms a bit, meaning for her to come and actually hug her. She tried to slide a bit more on the left side of the bed so that there would be enough room for Emma to crawl next to her. She felt the chest tube rubbing against her trachea. It was unpleasant but she soon found a comfortable position and let Emma lie next to her, her head resting on her chest. Audrey stroked her cheek for a while and a few minutes later, they were both slumbering again, Emma being lulled by the steady heartbeat of her mother.

Hours later, they were awoken by Dr Browne checking in on Audrey.

"Good morning Dr. Lim" she said cheerfully, opening the blinds and letting the sun fill in the room. "You gave us all a big scare". Emma moaned and slowly awoke. She moved back to her chair, trying her best to get out of Dr Browne's way.

"Good morning Dr. Browne" she added.

"Hi Emma" Claire said, smiling at her and beginning to examine Lim's lungs.

"Your lungs sound clear Dr Lim. We're going to start O2 withdrawal and we should be able to extubate you soon. As for the chest tube, I believe there's no more evidence of an air leak. We should be able to take the tube out today too. Any questions?"

Audrey listened to her carefully and asked for a pad to write her questions on.

"What happened to my leg? " she wrote down.

"Torn ACL" Claire answered. "You got lucky it was your only serious injury. Your spine remained unscathed and with a bit of PT, you should be good as new in a few weeks. However, I wouldn't try riding that bike of yours before a while" she explained. "Oh, and also you had a couple of fractured ribs, a few stiches on your right thigh. And a nasty concussion. I think your helmet truly saved your life."

Audrey suddenly remembered she had been involved in an accident. Given the speed she was driving at, she was almost sure she'd get a license suspension again.

"Where's the Ducati?" she wrote on the pad.

"I believe it's been towed to a repair shop. I'll inquire if you want to."

"Yes please" she wrote back.

Dr. Browne left the room in order to give Audrey and Emma some space. 2 hours later, the breathing tube was out and Audrey could speak. Her voice sounded hoarse at first but she didn't care. It hurt to speak but that didn't matter. As she could finally kiss Emma, she held her tight and whispered how much she meant to her. She was finally smiling, feeling something other than pain and crying tears of happiness.