Chaos breaks out

When Audrey fell asleep later on during the afternoon, Emma left the hospital to go home. She had been given a list of things to bring back for her mother and she needed to get changed from her 3-days old clothes. It took her forever to sort through the mess the apartment had turned into. Audrey had never really been too attached to tidiness but as far as Emma could remember, their home had never been messy, Audrey always making sure her daughter didn't leave her belongings in the way. She had always stressed on the importance of being respectful for the maid who came twice a week. She had always felt compelled to leave a respectable place to clean so that Maria's job would be made as easy as possible.

Except the apartment now looked like a warzone. Clearly Maria hadn't come in weeks as the shelves were dusty, the sink was filled with dirty dishes and the dishwasher hadn't been emptied. The living room was covered in pizza boxes that needed to be thrown away and a pile of takeout bags had built up in a corner of a room. It seemed Audrey barely lived in her apartment nowadays. Emma's room had even suffered some damages as Audrey had slept many nights in her daughter's bed, trying to ease the nightmares and the flashbacks – all in vain.

The bathroom looked so dirty that Emma decided against showering at home. Thankfully she had her mother's badge and would be able to shower in the employees' showers. She grabbed some clean clothes from her closet and before leaving, spent quite some time trying to sort out the mess her mother had left behind her. She threw away the trash, tidied up a bit, washed some of the dirty clothes that had piled up in the laundry basket and called Maria who confirmed Audrey had dismissed her services about when Emma had left to go back to college. Luckily, she still had some free spots and agreed to come back to work for them. After setting up an appointment with Maria and giving her instructions on how to get in again, she left.

Just when she was about to get back in the ICU, Claire stopped her in her tracks. "Please Emma" she asked, "can I talk to you?"

"Sure Dr. Browne, what can I do for you? Is my Mom going to be alright?"

"Please, you can call me Claire… I think I've spent enough time around for you to stop addressing me as Dr. Browne!" she chuckled. That set Emma ill at ease as she had never really felt a bond between her and the young resident.

"Sure Dr. B… I mean, Claire" she replied politely.

"Your mother's going to be just fine. As I said earlier, plenty of PT and a bit of patience and she'll be back to her old self." She paused. "At least physically…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"How has Audrey seemed to you lately?"

It felt weird to hear a subordinate call her mother by her first name. But since Neil's death there had apparently been a lot of girls' nights happening between the two of them.

"I don't know Dr. Br… Claire" she forced herself to try remaining as neutral as possible though she could already feel she wouldn't like where the conversation was headed. "I've been away from home for two months. I have a lot to catch up on. We don't talk that much."

Who was she? She thought to herself. Who was she to dare asking personal questions, to dare inquiring into their personal issues like it was something she would discuss with one of her mother's colleague, let alone, a resident? Audrey had always taught her that their family's pride forbade they ever made public their personal issues. This was no exception. But Claire wouldn't stop. She insisted, asked more questions and Emma finally gave in. She knew the young doctor's intentions were good and that if her mother had trusted her, maybe she could too.

"She's been stressed. I mean, she had lots to do during the pandemic but…" and then it hit her.

"It's true she's also been acting a tad different. I mean she would get mad at the littlest things, she would always be on my back whenever I went outside. I thought I was going to suffocate. She wouldn't let me go out to the nearest grocery store or park and she wouldn't sleep much at night. I honestly have no idea how she found the energy she needed to work every day. At night, she's been playing stupid videogames for hours on end. That just drove me crazy. It also pained me to find her asleep on the couch in the morning, a glass of whiskey next to her and the TV still broadcasting something in the background. Some nights she would go to bed but it was only to wake me up in the middle of the night with her cries and her nightmares. Some other nights she would ask if she could sleep with me. Those were the only nights she had a decent night. I think she's been hallucinating a bit too. I'm not too sure though. It just seemed like she was talking to other people sometimes… anyways the situation drove me mad and I left for campus. I just couldn't handle her anymore. I love her Claire, I truly do, but I couldn't breathe anymore."

"Emma… thank you for sharing that with me. I think…" those words were difficult to tell. But Claire found the courage to let them out, just as she had confronted Lim with them the night before her accident. "I think your mother might be suffering from PTSD."

"PTSD? Please Dr. Browne! My mother's an adrenaline junkie who thrives on stressful situations. I mean she was on a constant high during the pandemic. I've been sick, put on a fan against my will, hooked up to machines for weeks, put in a coma during which I suffered hospital delirium. I should be the one suffering from PTSD!"

"Emma… she's not suffering from PTSD because of the stress of the pandemic. I think it goes deeper than that. She lost Neil last year and soon after that, Nurse Petringa whom she was extremely closed to, died from COVID and at the same time, she almost lost you too. Emma they were about to turn off the machines. Your heart was getting too weak to support you. She had signed a DNR. Hadn't you miraculously improved, your next cardiac arrest was the end of it all. You have no idea what state she was in. I heard her crying over the phone, feeling like she had failed your parents. She spent a night with you thinking this was goodbye. I think she might be facing an emotional trauma."

"I'm so sorry… I had no idea… Mom never shows her feelings. We just don't talk about those things…"

"It's not your fault… You couldn't know."

"Dr. Browne…"

"… call me Cl…"

"… It's my fault. You don't know the whole story. My mother never transmitted the virus to me like she believes. I went… I went…" Emma stopped talking as the tears were harder and harder to hold.

"It's okay to cry Emma" Claire tried appeasing her as she looked more and more distressed.

Letting her guards down, Emma cried, remaining however unable to tell the truth about her reckless behavior. Claire comforted her as best as she could. She burned to ask Emma how she had been infected but finally decided against asking her when she noticed how distressed Emma was.

"Please, can I go be with my mom now?" Emma asked after drying her eyes.

"Of course. I think you both need it." Claire said smiling. And she let Emma walk into Audrey's room.

"Hey Mom!" Emma said after knocking the door and without waiting for a response, walking in the room.

"Thank you honey" Lim said when she saw the gym bag Emma was carrying, relieved to finally have some of her personal belongings with her and not having to rely on hospital furniture. She noticed the way Emma was trying to hide her face, trying to avoid the elephant in the room.

"Honey, what's wrong she asked?"

"Nothing Mom, I'm fine" she said, faking a smile. She really felt like confronting her about the condo but her conversation with Claire was holding her back.

"I may not be your biological mother but I know exactly how you act when you have something to hide." Lim insisted.

"It's okay. You need to rest" she said, trying as best as she could not to let her anger get the best of her.

"I won't rest until I know what's wrong." She insisted. Why did she have to be so stubborn? It pissed Emma off and there again, a fight was happening. Just like that. Why couldn't she let her be?

"Mom! I'm okay! Why don't you leave me alone!? And have you seen our place? It's like Bagdad! I couldn't even set one foot in front of the other without walking on an empty bottle of liquor or an empty pizza box! And how could you dismiss Maria? You know better than I do how much she needs to work! I don't get it! I don't recognize you anymore!"

And before Audrey could say anything she left, slamming the door behind her. Audrey remained speechless for a while. Dr. Browne who had seen Emma abruptly leaving quickly walked in.

"Please" Audrey said raising her hand. "Don't say anything."

"I was just coming to check in on your knee" she lied. "But if you need to vent, you have a friend to talk to." She did a quick exam and left the room as clearly, the look on Audrey's face meant she was in no mood to talk – or rather be lectured – by Claire.

Soon Audrey found herself slumbering again, still physically tired and drugged up. When she woke up again, Emma was back, facing the window, and obviously, crying. She had always cried in silence when she was younger, so that if it weren't for her body shaking, no one would have been able to know she was weeping if they couldn't see her face. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear Audrey calling her name.

"Emma. Honey." She called many times before Emma turned around. It pained her to see the young lady's face wet with tears, her eyes red and puffed up and overall, her body still very frail from her hospitalization several month ago.

"I'm so sorry Mom" Emma said. Audrey looked at her tenderly and gestured for her to come sit next to her on the bed. And so, she did. Curled up in her mother's warm embrace, she sobbed and let Audrey's affection soothe her like a child, happy to feel loved and relieved to know her actions hadn't broken their relationship.