She was the strongest person he'd ever known.

He found her by the water, cowering in the tall grass like a frightened animal. Munch, Fin and Cragen had spent the whole day looking for her while Elliot sat at the station praying. It wasn't the first time Olivia had run off. It wasn't like he didn't know where she would go. The marsh was where it happened.

The first time she ran, Elliot was able to coax her back to the car and take her home. She just stood there in the doorway of her apartment, soundlessly gaping up at him. Olivia's face was smudged and her clothes were in tatters. He just couldn't leave her like that. Elliot cleaned her up and got her into a pair of pajamas. He practically carried her to the couch and made a cup of tea for both of them. Long into the night, Elliot held her, watching and waiting for her to sleep and anticipating the next morning when Olivia wouldn't remember anything.

This time, though, she seemed different.

"Liv?" he whispered, crashing around the cattails. Her head turned slowly, a mask of sorrow.

"They're never coming back, are they?" Olivia sighed.

"No, I don't think they are," Elliot said, crouching beside her. "If it makes you feel any better, everyone's worried."

Olivia simply shook her head. The marsh smelled musty and oily. A crow sounded off somewhere in the distance. "Sometimes, when things get really quiet, it's like I can hear them, calling out. Everytime I close my eyes I see the bright lights," she said, looking at the sky. The sun was setting, casting shadows and coloring the heavens a shade of orange.

Elliot was looking at his reflection in the murky water. "It should have been me. If I had gone, this wouldn't have happened," he mumbled.

She looked at him, eyes watering. He really would have gone in her place. Sometimes he loved her so much it felt like his heart was going to burst. Three of the most terrible days of his life were spent in this marsh, hoping that fleeting handclasp wouldn't be their last contact. Elliot yelled at God a lot those days. He thought about suicide. There were times he'd be running around the boggy expanse, carrying on like a madman. That last glimpse of her filled him with terror. He couldn't go on if she weren't beside him.

Early the fourth morning, a scream broke the stillness. He'd been in a half doze when the sound echoed across the brackish water. There was no question: it was Olivia. After a mad dash through the weeds and the water, he found her naked and shivering. Her face was bruised and covered with scratches. Puncture wounds covered her body and one foot was nearly mutilated. Tears spilled on her wounded cheeks as she reached up for him, hoarsely screaming his name. Elliot snapped her up in his arms and ran towards the approaching sirens. As the attendants wrapped her in blankets and started IVs, he cradled her head in his lap, stroking her matted auburn hair.

That was three months ago. Things weren't getting any better for either of them. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep. It was hard to squeeze a five word sentence out of her.

"I wish it hadn't happened to you," he said, remembering how cold her body felt when he carried her out to the ambulance. "I guess I wish a lot of things."

They slept together now. No sex. Maybe if the whole thing hadn't happened, they would have consumated things because that's the way their relationship was heading before all this. But all Elliot wanted was to feel the warmth from her body as proof, maybe, that he had saved her. Olivia snuck out in the middle of the night while Elliot napped beside her.

"You held me last night in your sleep," she said. The tree limbs were black against the orange sky. "And I held you back. But I had to go. It's calling me and the only time it stops is when I'm here, and then I can't remember..."

She trailed off. "I know," he said. They both stood up and looked at each other. "Liv, did they...because if they did, I..."

She hung her head. There was no easy answer to that question. Elliot shifted on his feet as the wind began to blow.

"They did. I tried to fight them, but I wasn't strong enough. They took me and ripped my clothes off and each of them took a turn."

Elliot covered his mouth with his hand to keep from screaming. He felt a ripping and tearing sensation inside his body and it was all he could do not to completely go out of control. Sharp pinpricks of light gathered behind his eyes, forcing them shut tight. The urge to step back overcame Elliot but a hand on his face stopped him.

"It was either me or they'd have killed you. I did what I had to do," she whispered. He opened his eyes to see Olivia's face only inches from his. It was like looking into the eyes of a mental patient behind plexiglass. You can't hear them scream. But you know something's very wrong.

"You shouldn't have gone," he growled through a clenched jaw. His hands were shaking.

"I had to."

He pulled her into an embrace. All his anger dissolved into tears. Elliot buried his face in her hair and cried for the both of them. Olivia remained stony, occasionally clenching his back.

After what seemed like hours, his tears stopped. The sun had gone down. All around them, crickets chirped and the wind blew through the tall grass. Elliot felt marginally better but tired and weak. Olivia wiped his face with her sleeve and led him by the hand back to the car. They drove home in near silence and this time it was Olivia who had to help him through the door and into pajamas.

As they laid down, Elliot mustered the strength to grasp her hand. They just didn't say anything for a long time. He heard the bathroom faucet dripping and a siren in the distance. "I love you," he said suddenly, resting her hand on his heart. There was no use in going through the motions they were just friends anymore.

Olivia was already fast asleep. He wrapped his arms around her.

Tomorrow he'd tell her again.