"...and miles to go before I sleep."

She'd remember the sky was slate grey, They were on the way back from an investigation upstate and relations in the car were just as chilly as the weather. Nothing had gone right: it snowed, the police cruiser broke down, the rental agency only had sports cars. Then Elliot hit her with a full-on air assault against her treatment of Dani.

Casey had let it slip that Elliot and Dani were sleeping together. This news made Olivia edgy and sad and it only got worse when she met the "other woman". Dani was possessive and cold. Fin, Munch and Casey didn't like her. Olivia came back from her weeks undercover as a stranger in the relationship. She didn't like that one bit.

"What's the matter? I'd expect the jealous act from Kathy, not from you," he said, snapping off the radio. Olivia had to restrain every muscle in her body to keep from slapping him. If they weren't in the car she would have simply walked away. Instead, she focused her attention on keeping the little Subaru on the slick roads.

They were quiet for a long time. Elliot still harbored many Catholic guilts about sex. And while Olivia had been pretty carefree about it in her younger days, SVU work put it all in check.

She often imagined what it would be like to "be" with Elliot. He had no problems with practically undressing in front of her. His raw, sensual side was sometimes uncontained. Once, when they were working out together alone in the precinct, he playfully wrestled her to the floor. They were laughing hysterically until a bolt of fear shot between them and it awkwardly ended. This would have been about the time Elliot's marriage fell to pieces.

So there was a lot running through Olivia's mind that frosty day. Elliot sighed and rested his head against the window. The roads were getting worse and the blowing snow was knocking the visibility down to mere feet. There was a long curve that didn't look much worse than the rst of the road, but as the car entered it, the rear end began to slalom.

Olivia grunted through gritted teeth. She slammed the brake, feeling the ABS system pulse. Elliot sat bolt upright as the little car skidded to the left, then right.

"OLIVIA!" he screamed just as the car caught the edge of the road. She swung the wheel wildly, but it didn't help. The Subaru toppled down a bank. Through the windshield, Olivia saw alternating views of sullen sky and white ground before they landed upside down, in a heap, straddling a dry creek bed.

There must have been a loss of consciousness because Olivia would never rememeber the landing or the airbag going off. She opened her eyes to find the world white and upside-down. The seat belt was beyond tight, it was excruciating against her stomach. Warmth dripped from her face onto the blood-smeared airbag. Her hand went to her nose. It felt swollen and out of place.

She fell against the steering column with a thump after unbuckling the seatbelt. Other than the leaky nose, Olivia didn't think she was hurt all that bad. But then she remembered Elliot. He was in her peripheral vision, but the seat was blocking most of his body.

"El? You with me?" she asked, gratified to hear a groan and see some movement. The power windows still worked, so she was able to lower both and shimmy out into the snow. What had once been an almost new sports car was in a million plastic pieces. Stumbling to Elliot's side of the car, Olivia helped him unbuckle the seatbelt and monkey out.

That's when she discovered the trouble. Blood was seeping from his side. It stained the snow rose red as it ran down his leg. He leaned against the car, looking much too pale. There was no cellphone signal, so Olivia went around gathering up what luggage she could find. One of Elliot's t-shirts would double as a bandage for now. She stuffed a duffel bag full of clothes and put on another sweatshirt under her jacket.

Elliot's breathing was shallow but he managed to stay on his feet. She stuffed the t-shirt over the wound and bundled him up with his parka and jacket.

"Your nose is bleeding," he said in a husky whisper. Olivia wiped the blood on her sleeve and put her hand on his side.

"We've got to walk to get help. Hold this to your side," she ordered, careful not to sound too panicked. His blue eyes shone with pain. There was no time to think. They had to get moving.

Where they'd go, Olivia was uncertain. The road was untraveled and rural with no mailboxes or garbage cans in sight. Snow blew into her eyes and the cold wind chilled the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. Her bones ached and her heart ached for Elliot, who was gamely keeping up with her giant steps through the snow. A cup of hot coffee would be nice. Even a cup of chicken soup would take the edge off. Hell, she'd settle for two hippies in Volkswagon bus, long as Cheech and Chong could take them to a hospital.

They walked and walked through the swirling snow. The sun was a faint glow behind the gray clouds, casting a ghostly shimmer on the white powder. A mile later Elliot was really leaning on Olivia. The t-shirt was soaked through and caked with ice where it hung out of his clothes. "Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into, Ollie," he mumbled as they struggled through a ditch. Olivia furrowed her brow and kept up the pace, which now resembled a Bataan death march.

"I have to sit down," Elliot pleaded breathlessly and she was powerless as he plopped down on a tree stump. All this walking just hammered home the fact he was built like a brick shithouse. Her shoulders ached from his weight, but they had to keep going or freeze in the whiteout.

After a minute of rest, Olivia prised her partner from the stump and they dragged on. It was really one-horse open sleigh weather. She thought of hot cider and a cup of cocoa with marshmallow Fluff on top. A warm bath and clean sheets. Watching a "Moonlighting" DVD on a cold, rainy night, wrapped in blankets.

Elliot broke her reverie by grabbing one of her hands. He grabbed the other and held them in his own, rubbing furiously. He blew on them and held them to his chest. Olivia was stunned and couldn't hide her expression of amazement.

"I'm sorry," he said simply, still holding her hands.

"For what?"

"Everything."

She stared deep into his eyes. It was a sincere gesture. And there was love, too. She'd forgotten how much she liked his eyes. Most of the time they snapped with anger or went flat with defeat. Only when Elliot was being sincere were they warm and open, so blue Olivia's breath would sometimes die in her lungs. This was one of those times.

"El, we need to get moving before we freeze," she said, letting him hold her hands a little longer. "Sorry" still really wasn't going to cut it, but it was a start.

Their teeth chattered insistently as they plowed on. Elliot grew pale and starting wobbling a bit. This pressed a new urgency into Olivia's stride, so much she was practically dragging him over the snowbanks. Just as she was headed full tilt through another one, something hard gave resistance and she was suddenly staring at a weatherbeaten mailbox.

"This is a driveway! El! Here!"

He appeared out of the snow. The winding driveway snaked between the trees and continued out of sight. Olivia grabbed his cold hand and pulled him along the snow-packed expanse.

Dear God Dear God Please Let this Be a House Or A House of Pancakes Or

She prayed the whole way, using what was left of her strength help Elliot. The driveway dipped, and when they climbed out of it, a small building came into view. Olivia let out a breath and broke into a run. Elliot stumbled behind her, gripping her hand tightly.

First they knocked. There was no answer. The snow seemed to intensify, and so did Olivia's coldness. Elliot sat on the steps, watching intently. When the welcome mat slid a little under her feet, it exposed a key. It made sense to keep it there because there was literally no civilization around them. With trembling hands, Olivia unlocked the door and they cautiously ventured in. A small penlight on Elliot's keychain confirmed her suspicions. It was a vacation cabin, no electricity. Still, there was a huge fireplace and a stack of wood outside.

"You lay down," she instructed. "I'll get the wood."

Elliot wobbled to the industrial-style bed and fell heavily on the bare mattress. The springs sagged audibly. Olivia went back out into the snow and grabbed an armload of wood. She was feeling terribly stiff and sore but couldn't be sure if it was the accident or the walk that did it. He was still lying on the bed when she struggled back in.

"I don't know much about fireplaces," she said, trying to rouse him. Elliot didn't move. The light in the cabin was dim but she could see his closed eyes. "You passed out, you bastard!"

Heroically, Olivia managed to open the flue and start a decent blaze, thanks to some scrounged matches and a Quik-Start log that had been sitting on the mantel. The room was suddenly saturated with a warm golden light. It illuminated an old easy chair, a rudimentary kitchen and two doors. Upon inspection, one was a supply closet filled with towels, sheets and gallon jugs of water. The other was a small bathroom with a makeshift commode that was really only a bucket with a seat on it. Still, it saved chilly trips to the outhouse in the middle of the night.

"Liv?"

She rushed to the bed. Elliot was awake again but pale and feverish. He brushed his fingers on her arm and smiled.

"I need to get sheets on the bed and get you into some dry clothes, okay?" Olivia was purposely businesslike. In his woozy state, Elliot was trying to sit up and pull his pants off. "Need any help?"

"Are you offering?"

Olivia didn't say anything.

"S'fine, I can manage," he said, smiling gratefully when she handed him a tank top and sweatpants. The room was starting to warm up.

Elliot walked slowly across the floor and sunk into the old easy chair with a dusty thump. The sheets were musty and smelled faintly of woodsmoke, but they were relatively clean. She changed into her pajamas in the bathroom. Then it was time to check Elliot's injury.

There was a first aid kit on the kitchen wall. Elliot made his way back to the bed and Olivia helped push him up on his good side. The wound was deep but not that large. She swabbed around it with peroxide soaked cotton and fastened three layers of gauze over it with surgical tape. A nurse she wasn't; but this would have to do. Elliot rolled over on his back and sighed, staring into the fire. The tank top just barely covered his chest. Olivia tried not to stare but it was impossible.

There was a can of stew in the cupboard, so after thirty minutes of hanging over the flames, they had a hot meal with blazing tin cups of hot tea. The light in the room was beginning to darken. Olivia quietly gave thanks they found the cabin, threadbare as it was. She scooted in bed beside Elliot, exhausted. It would have been too tiring to even go through the motions of sleeping in the easy chair.

"I said something in the car I shouldn't have," he said contritely. Their arms touched under the sheets and OIivia wondered if he could feel her gooseflesh. "I compared you to Kathy."

"Maybe I know how she felt when you started spending more time with me than at home," she muttered, picking at a loose string on the blanket. "You and Dina have every right to have a relationship, if you want."

"No we don't. She's not who I remembered. Maybe I just changed. But I needed something..."

He ran a hand across his face.

"...just to take the edge off. Half the time I feel like a volcano about to burst. I didn't know where you were or how you were..."

Olivia stared as the ceiling as his words sank in.

"Liv, something's eating you and it was eating you before all this. What's up?"

She turned and regarded him sadly. Now was the time. It wasn't terribly earth-shattering, just something she'd hoped would have ended better.

"Elliot, I have a sister."

He sat straight up.

"Okay, a half sister."

"My God," he said. "How the hell did you find this out?"

"There was a year I lived in Texas with my grandparents. It was supposed to be a time to give my mother a break. She was having a real hard time with me when I was four. I was too young to think anything of it. About three months ago one of my old aunts spilled the beans. Mom met another professor and they had an affair. She got pregnant but couldn't keep the baby so a couple from Mexico adopted my sister."

Olivia was crying now. Elliot held her hand.

"I was able to track her down through NCIS. She graduated from Brown...I saw her picture...and she had my eyes. She joined a government agency but disappeared in 2002. No one knows where she is."

"The worst thing is I met her once...because her partner was John, one of your ex-partners."

Elliot's head sagged. "I hear John dropped out of site, too. Olivia, I wish you would have told me this. Kathy's still friends with John's ex-wife," he said quietly. "You could have used a sister."

"I know."

They didn't say anything for a long time. Olivia listened to the soft sounds of the wind blowing outside. Elliot still had her hand.

It had been terrible to find out about Monica. Too much too late. At this point it would have almost been better not to know at all. All the anger she had for her mother boiled up at this, another terrible secret. A betrayal.

"Some fun, huh?" she choked out.

"There is no real pleasure in life," Elliot replied. He moved closer, reaching out to touch her face.

Olivia felt heat deep in the core of her body. It wasn't anger.

"We're really screwed-up people, aren't we?" she chuckled, running her hand across his chest.

Elliot grabbed the hand and began kissing her fingers.

"I don't want us to think this will be a mistake," he said. His mouth moved to her face, kissing her jaw and ear over and over. Olivia couldn't stand it anymore. She guided his mouth to hers and they kissed for the very first time. At first it was timid, but all the longing and the need surfaced and turned it dark and passionate.

Elliot moved his busy hands to her stomach and scrabbled at the string that held her sweatpants on.

"El...wait..."

He stopped and looked at her expectantly.

"I want to," she panted. 'It's just...you know..."

He shook his head and kissed her softly.

"I know. There'll be other nights. I need you. I realized that a while back. I can't seem to see past you anymore."

She rested her head on his shoulder and immediately fell asleep. The sound of Elliot's steady breathing soothed her into dreaming they were on a beach somewhere, watching the golden sunrise.

XXX

Olivia woke to a pounding on the door. Elliot was still asleep beside her, holding her tightly. The cabin floor was cold as she flew across it to grab an andiron in case the knock was unfriendly. She opened the door a crack and braced herself.

"Miss Benson, I'm Trooper Bannish. Your precinct is in a tizzy."

"How'd you find us?"

"We found the car and when we didn't find you guys we figured you looked for shelter. This is the only place for miles. I'll wait in the truck so you guys can pack up."

Thirty minutes later, Elliot and Olivia were sharing a thermos of hot coffee and telling Bannish about their little adventure, leaving out the details of the night's encounter. They went to a clinic for treatment and it turned out Olivia had broken her nose and Elliot was dehydrated and needed six stitches. Munch came to pick them up and he had to endure a cranky ride back to New York after he remarked Olivia's nose looked like a summer squash.

Olivia sopped around her apartment like a wet rag for two days. All of her energy was gone. Everything had been about Elliot and Monica lately. Her body was simply warn out. Casey came by and reported Elliot was about the same way.

Saturday night, Olivia was on the couch staring at Monica's picture. It was her FBI badge. Munch helped Olivia get it. She could have stared at it for hours, wondering about how one of the edges got burnt and the smeared black X on the back. Olivia wondered if they could have been friends. She hoped so.

Then she must have fallen asleep because Elliot was beside her on the couch when she woke up. He was looking at Monica's badge.

"You were right about the eyes. Pretty girl," he said.

"How are you doing?"

"Okay long as I don't stand up or sit down too fast. How about you?"

"Fine."

She flipped on the TV only to find Paula Dean hooting over some high-fat delicacy. Elliot kept staring at the badge.

"We'll find her," said Elliot.

"Maybe so. I pray for her a lot Elliot, and hope she's found peace wherever. Glad she lived with a loving family. I just hate to think I missed her because of who my mother was."

Elliot covered her hand with his and turned his attention to the TV.

"We have some unfinished business to take care of," Olivia said, snapping off the remote. The room was lit by the hollow glow of the streetlamps.

"Yeah, that's what I came over to talk about. Everything I said up there was true. Besides my kids, you're the most important person in the world to me. But I don't want to risk what we have now," he said softly. "Unless you want to."

Olivia leaned over to kiss him, marvelling at the intense blue of his eyes. "Would you like to see the bedroom? I just got a new lamp," she smiled.

Olivia slept deeply that night, glowing like a star next to Elliot's sweaty body. She said she loved him. It had been a long journey to that conclusion. It was a hard-fought battle won.

She dreamed of the snow-covered driveway, which led long and steep to a destination unknown. At the top was either salvation or damnation. Olivia had a little of both now.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before i sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

(Robert Frost)