He doesn't call or text first, he knows her and that she wouldn't ever tell him anything so willingly, so freely over a glass screen. He knows something is off with her - he could sense it in the short text messages, and in how she had been gone from the house fast after work.
He gets to her apartment and knocks before stepping to the side of the peep hole. She's got her gun cocked right now as she unlocks the door he can hear it. He's proud of her and feels good that she is still one hell of a shooter but her shooting average isn't why he's here tonight.
"El, what are you doing?" She whispers quietly as she opens the door and puts the gun that was in her hand back in her waistband.
"Kathleen told me you didn't seem okay today," he is quiet and cautious. Normally he would follow up by saying it's not his place to say anything but it is now.
This is absolutely his place to say something to the woman he loves, the woman that loves his family and that love her.
"How was Noah?" She asks quietly, worried that he knows something is up for her to not be there for Saturday night with him and the Stabler clan.
"Happy to be sleeping over with Eli and by sleeping I mean playing that stupid video game on mute pretending to sleep."
He tries to make her laugh and barely gets a smile, she nods quickly and looks down to the ground.
"Is Kathleen okay? Did Sammy go to sleep after his dinner?"
Of course she is thinking about them when he is so worried about her. She hasn't changed in that regard, if anything and not too surprisingly is the way motherhood has made her even more selfless and more nurturing of course.
"Sam and Kathleen were snoring, they all ate and are all okay but I'm asking about you."
"It was a long day and I wasn't expecting to be at work so late… and by the time I got home it was after dinner and my son was a monster and rightfully so. I promised him I would take him shopping since last week. He's needed shoes for camp and…I was bickering with Fin and Rollins for hours, and I had some creep want to come at me in interrogation, Fin stopped it. I was on the other side of the room so don't worry.." But all he does is worry about her sometimes and how she keeps giving and giving and giving even when life doesn't seem to return her that same karma back.
Her eyes are red but she isn't going to cry, it seems like she's cried out or an expert at controlling it and keeping the tears at bay. He knows he won't see them tonight.
"He ignored me then entire way to Kathleen's. Slammed the door, one word snippy answers, a C on his last project I wasn't there to help him finish. I just feel like I can't do anything right with him, with work…I worry about Kathleen and.." he stops her and holds her cheeks in his hand and puts his forehead to hers.
"I'm here, and we are doing this together okay?"
She nods and knows he means it. That's what makes her heart crack and melt over.
"You don't have to do this alone anymore," he smooths his thumbs across her skin slowly. "Neither do I and I'm so grateful for you,"
Now she feels it. He kisses her cheek and holds her neck softly in his large gentle grip of his hand.
"Does it get easier?"
She's been running herself thin. Missed meals and sleep, going from work to home to his kids house and as selfless as she always is he knows she's neglected other things in her ongoing juggling act. It's nothing new for her she's been a mom for a while but he appreciates her now more than ever taking on the extra load with his family but he doesn't want her running herself to the ground. He is taking note of everything she's taking on and wants to give her a break. To treat her nice and take her out.
"It does until he's a teenager," he kids with her making her smile.
Her eyes are wet but her smirk is hopeful, secure, safe and beautiful.
"You just get stronger, and so do the drinks…" she smiles and pulls him in for a hug. Usually it's the other way around. Him embracing her in a moment of weakness or pure joy but this isn it
"You got this mama, just a bad day…"
He holds her close against him and kisses her cheek again softly. In another lifetime he would love to kiss her lips and walk her to her room and lay her down on her bed to make her forget. To make her body unravel into a total peaceful ease that on making love can provide.
"I love you," slips effortlessly from her mouth like it's not the first time ever for her which it is and he kisses her neck and nuzzles into it before squeezing her tightly in his embrace.
She really does and always has had him in ways that exceed her understanding but now she can lean on him in ways she never could have imagineers Now she lives the type of life that has room for his love.
He wants to watch a movie she says I don't know he says they have never watched one before she says what lion king doesn't count? Paw patrol?
he wants to spend night like she doesn't know but he's big on communicating now which is so fucking weird for him. She doesn't know if it's the therapy or what making him this way but she's glad the days of pent up aggression and emotions are behind them now. At least not on his end.
"I'm not going to do anything and I hope you know I'm leaving that up to you and just know that…some days all I can think about is making love to you. I won't today, maybe not tomorrow but whenever you are ready….I just can't wait to touch you…kiss you…all of you "
He whispers and closes his eyes. The image too sharp in his mind to even look at her. She's make up free and braless, it's so late and he knows they are unwinding from a tight rope and free falling into this, but she's not ready. Not yet.
They both go to bed uncomfortable physically with minds racing late into the early morning before either one can sleep in their respective bed.
His confession is what does it for her these days. It's all she can think of now.
That he's thought about making love to her and the idea of being inside of her has been heavy on his mind at times too. That they both shared sleepless nights due to temptation and frustration for the one previously forbidden act that they craved to do together.
He had admitted he can't wait to touch and kiss her body. That he intends on making love to her which is the most shocking part. She always assumed it would be frenzied, regretful and aggressive the explosion between them but it's not at all. Now it's anticipated.
It's delicate and gentle and calculated. Too much time has passed and too much is on the line for it to be anything otherwise.
The next day at work it's running in her mind on a loop until he texts her asking how many steaks he should get for the bbq Dickie wants to host.
The message isn't flirty or anything special but it transcends her back into the now.
She's smiling at her phone and at his horrible habit of sending every text with a gif since being shown and explained by his teenage son what they even meant.
This time it's a monkey in a chefs hat and apron with the text underneath saying :
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
And I would love to sleep with you is all she wants to reply back but settles on a gif of a monkey eating corn on the cob.
Next time she thinks quietly.
—
One evening after work, he drops Eli off at practice and goes grocery shopping but before he goes home he drops by her house to bring up a few cases of water, juice and some extra things he got for her when he went out for when the boys are over.
She is on the phone for work and has her headphones in and is holding her phone pacing. Its important, and he doesn't have to know the context of the call to know that as long as he knows her so he lets himself in and carries everything to the kitchen and quietly unloads as she walks to her room and shuts the door.
Olivia reemerges twenty minutes later, hands free from phones and has unbuttoned her slacks and her blouse so that her belt is swinging open, shoes are off and the first top four buttons of her shirt are opened. She looks tired but relived whatever was going on, on the phone is over but she looks sexy as hell. All her make up has faded from the day minus the lighter reminder of the lip stick stained on her lips and with the way her hands are on her hips when she walks down the hallway, its causing her shirt to open even more and he really can't help it.
"Groceries, thank you - I would have forgot, I had a call I was dreading and you really helped me out here" She's smiling and making her way to him in the kitchen when he turns around to face her from against her kitchen island as he wipes it down.
"Anything else I can do for you?" is all that needs to escape from his lips and she surges forward at him.
He pulls them away not sure if she was okay with that or not but she pushes her breasts against his chest and he gets the point when he sees how hard her nipples are through her shirt when he she pulls back and be looks at her face.
"God I wish I could…" he stops himself and plants each arm beside her head with his hands inches away from her neck on either side. She is feisty and ready to go, she is the one leading this and when she turns her head to get closer to him, he lets his forehead touch hers and he kisses her softly.
She doesn't need him to finish that thought because what he's wishing and what she's wishing are things that can't be fulfilled with a son that is up for another hour and a half in his room doing homework before bed on a school night.
He holds on to her neck and lightly pulls her forward so her lips are nearly flush against his. All she can think about is how it's been more than a decade since they were partners on paper. Now they are so much more and so much different. He's spilling out his truth to her between kisses and skillful squeezes of her body.
"I want to make love to you, Olivia" he whispers as she pulls him by his hips so that he's up against her. She gasps at how hard he feels through his tight jeans.
She wants this more than anything. Almost enough to want to pull him into the emergency staircase and let him bend her over a few steps and take her from behind. Or she could very easily sit on his lap in the cold concrete stairwell but…
Reality and motherhood meet and she is starting to think by saying love making he isn't exactly on the same page as her right now which consists of dark racy and sexual thoughts of him thinking of him taking her from behind.
"I'd let you do whatever you want."
She can't help her honesty or the moan that slips out against his ear as she presses her thigh against him feeling him rock hard and stiff.
"Anything, anywhere…anything, El"
Did she mean anywhere as in letting him do whatever he wanted and absolutely anything to anywhere he wanted to - or- either way he can't do it.
She smirks and kisses him with her tongue running over her own lips in the seconds after the part. His lips are shiny and he can't stop staring at hers.
The confession of her submission nearly makes him pull her out of her apartment and into the elevator and have his way but she can hear Noah's yelling followed by his even louder laughter from the other side of the door.
Reality.
He smiles and pulls away from her.
"Sorry mama" he smirks and raises his brows looking down at her smeared lipstick and breasts nearly toppling out of her blouse from his groping.
She wipes her mouth and runs a hand through her hair before shaking her head at him. She can't help but smile. This feels juvenile, like they could get caught doing something bad but it also feels flirty and nice.
How despite all the years they were together and the years that followed when they were apart that they still have many firsts ahead of them.
First date, first holidays together…the first time they make love.
The first time he really gets the chance to touch her is on his couch while watching sports highlights. Everyone is asleep. Elliot got everyone ready for bed, which consisted of him yelling at Eli, bribing Noah, kissing goodbye Kathleen as she handed him Sammy, freshly bathed and ready for his sleep over while she is off to work.
She starts cleaning up the disaster of the day and kisses Sammy before his grandfather lays him in the crib in his bedroom. She motions to the floor, that she just finished mopping before he starts to load the dishwasher. She looks beautiful. In navy sweats and a thin white t-shirt with her hair in a messy bun he wants to tell her she makes him nervous still after all these years but they haven't been seeing eye to eye and their schedules are all off and working on opposite ones to each other. This is the first time in a few weeks they have been alone so after the finish cleaning he meets her on the couch. She has her eyes closed, sitting upright but refusing to fully give in to her slumber.
"You should just go lay in my bed, your neck is going to kill," he says as he plops down beside her.
"I don't want to go to bed I'm just catching a quick 15, I don't want to sleep yet" she mumbles, as she rolls her head to face him, he smiles at her and wants to laugh at her stubborn ways she is so staunch set in. "If I go to sleep that means I have to get Noah ready for practice and it is all day long, if I stay up a little longer than I can enjoy this moment," she says opening her eyes, he follows her glare to his lips and he runs his hands over his bearded face. "How else can I help you enjoy this moment?" He is serious when he whispers it but it makes her laugh, his flirting, his corny but loving nature with her.
He grabs one out of the basket under the coffee table and puts on her lap. He looks down the hall and lowers the volume of the tv so he can hear if anyone wakes up. This causes her to open her eyes and sit completely up. He slowly turns towards her and kisses her softly on the lips, it still hasn't gotten old yet how that simple gesture can be so incredibly intimate between the both of them. He stops and runs his hands under the blanket and rests on her thigh and smiles at her. She closes her eyes. "Cmon everyone is home.."
"Everyone is in bed"
He knows she needs this release. She's been single this entire time and unless she has a boyfriend tucked away she sees on the rare weekend they aren't together, he knows like everything in her life - that her pleasure has always been up to her, in her own hands to fulfill but not anymore.
It's not to say he hasn't wanted to thats for sure but he can't just make a move on her without considering so much beforehand. It's in her control now and he knows why she is hesitant but the timing has never been right either, they are never alone anymore or ever. Between work and the kids it's impossible to find the opportunity for intimacy. It's also something they have been dancing around delicately.
She's been short lately, a little snippy, and doesn't seem to like when he looks at her too long. She's frustrated. He knows what kind too. Especially when she turns away from him fast and moves away when he gets too close in the kitchen to her.
She has needs and so does he and he all he really needs to fulfill all of hers.
She doesn't say anything but closes her eyes and lays her head back on the couch. A silent confirmation letting him know that this can happen. Her hand over top of his shows him it needs to happen.
She holds his hand and moves it down past her belly and over the top of her pants in between her legs. God it's been long she thinks to herself and even longer since she's wanted him.
He is looking at her through closed lashes and can't believe he's finally getting to touch her. In a silent house they just finished cleaning together long after everyone's asleep.
The muted tv plays and he puts his hand under the waist band of her joggers granting her the pleasure her body so desperately craves.
He watches their hands move softly under the blankets together as she lets him take over.
She can still smell the lemon floor cleaner and hears nothing but his breathing and the light ticking fromthe ceiling fan above them. He's moving so slow and cautiously soft when he touches her finally above her panties ; testing at first how much is okay, how much to drive her crazy. He cups her and lets his long finger trail along the side of her panties but not quite shifting them over enough to touch her yet.
He feels her hand squeeze his, her fingers wrapping around his wrist.
She's ready.
He tucks his fingers into her waistband of her cotton panties and closes his eyes at the touch of how smooth and soft she is, his mouth drops and waters the minute his finger penetrates her slowly, to the knuckle, he puts one finger up high into her body. She grips on to his sleeve and bites down on her lip.
"Christ" he groans at her tightness, as he tries and doesn't manage to be able to add another finger, she's snug. Very, very snug. It sends him driving forward and curving his fingers while inside of her. He can't stop thinking about the snugness and comparing it to his dick and his size is on a loop in his brain and he won't make it more than a couple minutes if he keeps it up.
It's so quiet and she can't even look at him, she barely opens her eyes enough to see his arm moving ever so slowly under the blanket. She has his heavy breathing in her ear as she tries to stay quiet but she's already close and this panting of his isn't helping she thinks to herself. She goes to reach over to his lap to touch him but he moves her hands and holds them with one tight gripped fist when he leans over and kisses her neck. It makes her clench around his fingers and whisper his name while cursing gods at the same.
"That's it beautiful…that's it.." he whispers, encouraging her as he kisses her earlobe and lets her come around his fingers while her eyes closed tightly, biting down on her lip. Her nails are going to leave marks on his arm and that too gets added to the never ending list of things that turn him on.
His fingers are soaked and so are her panties that managed to stay on as he pulls his hand out from them and raises his fingers to his lips.
Her closed eyes open just as he finishes licking his fingers clean and she sighs loudly.
"Can I…." She looks down at his hard on outlining thick and wide across his track pants.
"It won't be quiet."
He is being honest and says it seriously and slowly but all his admission does is turn her on even more. Her eyes look away and her cheeks redden even more in her post orgasm glow.
"Next time" she whispers as she leans forward to kiss him before he gets up to head to bathroom.
"Next time" he echos as he watches her smirk then walk down the hall to the bathroom.
Long after they part ways that evening and in the days to come all he can think about is how she shattered around his fingers and the way her moans vibrated into his mouth, her tongue sliding along his as she combusts into a million little pieces.
He kisses her and excuses himself to the bathroom in the guise of having to lock up the house. He prays to God for patience and guidance that night on how to be the man she needs even if its taking everything in him not to express his specific needs to her.
—
A week later he asks her to go away with him. He volunteered to make the drive upstate to pick up a kitchen set his kids ordered for the rental home they were working on and wouldn't mind the company, in fact he wouldn't mind the time alone with just her.
It's three hours away and its nearly 6:30 in the evening by the time they can actually leave the city.
She's assuming they are staying the night.
Kathleen is off to work so Elizabeth is home with Eli, Noah and Sammy, even Maureen is going over for the sleepover after she's done work for the wants the time to be alone with him but she knows there is a lot going on at home. Noah hasn't been great with his homework and Eli has to be up early for practice and needs a ride. Her mind is still moving for miles when he tells her to pack a bag just incase.
"Maybe the kids want us there"
She misses them but also knows that she's fresh out of excuses, clothes to help fold and distractions. The girls will help Noah with homework, Eli will get a ride with his brother or Elizabeth so its not that
"Would you want your mom home on a Friday night with her boyfriend? Or to be able to eat the shittiest food and watch garbage on TV all night?"
She has nothing to say to that and he is pleased with himself when he looks over and sees her cheeks blush at his flirting.
He doesn't want to rush her or this but what's a wait when you've known someone for two decades and take another two years to openly admit you are in love with them. He also knows Olivia is not to be fucked with and he doesn't know what she is capable of right now either and he loves that too.
She falls asleep an hour in and wakes to his hand on her thigh. They made good time and are already there.
"Won't be long, text the kids, and we don't have to stay if you don't want to so no pressure okay, Liv?
He lets her make that call.
She nods and smiles at him before grabbing her phone. She wants to stay. She wants to be alone with him and she did pack with that option in mind. A tiny black slip with small roses along the straps with a matching thong. Something simple but sexy, and she has to distract her mind from going any further. This has been such a long time coming.
It's dark out by the time he gets his truck packed up.
He has no problem making the drive back but wants to stop for dinner first. Side of the road bbq spot. Nothing fancy and she means it, nothing but the best food ever. She gets a burger and shake he gets a huge tray of wings and a beer. She looks beautiful, tired but happy and at ease. She texts Noah and puts her phone away before looking down at his hands picking at the label of his beer.
"We are kind of far.."
He looks up quick and nods.
"Maybe we should stay"
She doesn't want to go home yet. He looks so handsome in a white t shirt that maybe is a size too snug.
He looks into her eyes and nods again.
She also knows what will happen if they stay.
"Yes lets do it" she says quietly.
—
He goes to book a hotel and before he can give them his credit card they get interrupted. Sammy has a fever and Kathleen is panicking because she's never dealt with him being sick yet.
They fly down the highway and make it in record breaking speed but by the time they get there everyone including Sammy is asleep and totally fine.
Olivia touches the babies forehead in his tiny crib and it doesn't feel warm. The medicine and fluids must have helped she whispers to Elliot as he joins her in the dark nursery with only the sound of the electronic hum of the zoo mobile spinning softly above the crib.
"Its okay Peanut Butter and Sam…Nana is here."
He is so grateful for her and the enormous presence she has not only in his life but with his family, their family. They have weathered the storm and now the tiny boy sleeping soundly in front of them is the joy after it all. He wants to get down on his knee for her, he wants to just shake the living shit out of here for ever doubting that she didn't deserve it all but for now all he can do is stare in awe. He looks at both at her, and his grandson and is in awe the way that blessings have somehow always found him and above all he is grateful for second chances and chapters. He prays that his God, the one he thought had abandoned him grants him the forgiveness for all the pain he's caused her. He silently vows to make it right, he just has owes her that at the very least.
He stares at his grandson and closes his eyes before looking over at her. She moves closer to him and has her hand right beside his holding on to the railing of the small light blue bed. He looks at her hand and puts his overtop of hers and goes to pull her into the hallway making his way to the living room.
She follows him to the couch and plops down. Elliot follows and kisses her before drifting off to sleep. A quick peck and she wakes up what seems like hours later to his head in her lap and arm wrapped around her hips and the other around her back holding on snuggling against her. Her hand is on his back under his shirt t shirt against his hard sculpted back that's soft to touch in his slumber and not flexing or moving. She slowly traces the lines of the dips and valleys that make up the space between his shoulders to moving down his arm. Her fingertips play with the hair and twirl the soft gray curls on his forearms before tracing his tattoo.
She's never had chance to do this so she continues to savour while he sleeps. Finally running her fingers over the ink scarred into his skin for decades. For a decade she's wanted to touch and trace and then she feels him stir. He loves his head in her lap to be closer to her tummy. To the sliver of skin that is exposed from her shirt rising from in his movement in her lap. His soft beard tickles that same spot as he loves his face closer and now she knows he's awake. She lets go of the hold she had on his arm and lets him move. He doesn't. Instead he rubs his beard against her and mouth and shakes his head slowly back and forth. "I don't want to move," he groans out and wraps his arms tighter around her. It's oddly intimate and a close and awkward position they are in but he's so gentle and relaxed she feels like he's melting into her. "Am I too heavy?" He mumbles out but not at all bothering to move or lift himself off her.
"No you aren't. You are just fine" she whispers as she lets her hand move to rest above his shirt until he groans in protest.
"I liked your hands on me, on my skin…I mean, I like when you touch me," his eyes are closed and she can feel his shallow breaths come out against her skin and suddenly he does feel too heavy. He is anchoring down into the sofa and she couldn't move if she tried. Instead she turns off her brain and just feels.
She runs her hands down his smooth shaved neck and down his back again and begins to dance her fingertips across his skin, scratching lightly, soothing him.
She thinks it will put him back to sleep but it does the opposite. She sees the goosebumps on his skin and in the moment her heart races and so do her thoughts when she imagines him turning around and being turned on for her .
He reads her thoughts it seems, and she sees him slowly start to roll off his stomach and onto his back but has his arm now to his groin and is pressing down hard, she can tell by all the veins in his arm and hands that beneath the fist he has covering the zipper of his jeans hiding himself. It makes her blush and warm all over when she thinks of it being for her, because of her and her soft hands touching him.
She looks down at him and he looks up at her eyes wide open and runs her hand across the space on his cheek free from hair. She rubs smoothly and then leans down and kisses him softly.
He lets his hands go from his lap and go to reach up and hold her hair that's fanning over him. The soft dark tendrils in silky waves around her face are now in between his fingertips and she slowly pulls away. Sitting up she looks down to see him laying on his back with a thick tent protruding across the front of his jeans.
She leans down and moves her arm down and over and cups him over the jeans. His eyes instantly close. They've touched and stared but never this. Never alone in the middle of the night with his desire for her so evident, it's prominent in the bulge across his jeans, in how her manicured nails are running over the metallic zipper being strained. He keeps kissing her as he pushes himself up and sitting upright and pulls her onto his lap.
"God I want you so bad."
"Me too…" she nods back between kisses trying to be as quiet as possible.
"Everyone's home but I can't wait anymore, I just want to be inside of you," he whispers softly, honestly as he can put it without being obscene for how deep his want runs.
"Come on…" she takes his hand this time and walks to the laundry room down the hall and locks the door. She turns around with a smile and a look in her eyes he's never seen reserved for him. Lust. Total seduction.
She smiles as she looks down between them and toys with the button before popping it open and unzipping his jeans.
He's hard in black boxer briefs and she rests her forehead against his chest before slipping the jeans totally down. He kicks them the rest of the way before kissing her forehead and letting her continue to take the lead. He watches her run her hands over his chest and down to the patch of rough hair towards his groin and stops.
This is the first time for them. Up against the washer and dryer unit. Heavy breathing and knocking foreheads and shaking nervous hands, but then he finally moves and reaches between them and runs his hand over her hip and pulls her up against him, wedging her hand in between their bodies, stopping her from doing any further with the movement with his fingers. He reaches between them and moves her hand out of the way before he goes inside her panties and he dips his fingers in and can't breathe. The wetness welcomes him but her tightness pulls him in impossibly deep. She sighs, he nearly comes at the sensation of it all. Her large heaving breasts up against his chest in nothing but a t shirt with no bra under. The breathing, the scratch of her nails running along his neck as he pulls his fingers out and goes to pull her panties to the side. They have to be quick, they have to be somewhat discreet but he's also never been harder or more filled with desire for anyone or anything in his life. No one is up it's truly the middle of the night and he has her all over his fingers finally, she's so warm and her hands are finally pulling down his underwear.
He's fumbling forward trying to avoid the basket of clothes to the right of his feet but he sinks into her almost instantly. She has to tuck her head down into his shoulder as he pushes himself almost completely in and bites her teeth down. It's been a long time and the way their bodies are fitting together has her throbbing already. She is so ready for him, it makes his head spin - he has to try and block out her sounds. The sound of her bodies reaction to him penetrating her to the way she can't contain the sound of her breathing, which is getting heavier and heavier in his ear. It's all so much and he can't stop his hips, or his fingers as he rubs her at the same time exactly where she needs because she is starting to really shake and sound very, very wet.
"God, just go now I'm close" she whispers to encourage him, to welcome him - to love him in this way so completely.
He didn't think this would be the first time. He had planned a weekend for her. A hotel and dinner but life didn't work out that way so now with a full, but sleeping house he takes her with one leg on the ground the other he has hoisted up on the dryer with a leg around his waist as he enters her over and over. He doesn't hear her come but feels it in the bite of his shoulder and the extra surge of wetness coating him with every punishing clenching wave her orgasm produces, it's then he lets himself pour into her body. Finally.
He kisses her neck and hugs her tightly before forcing himself to pull out of her.
They both laugh when he releases her to shaky legs and a sweaty forehead.
He thought she was beautiful before but it was nothing, trivial beauty above the surface because it was not Olivia completely unguarded in the seconds after he brings her to an orgasm.
He couldn't be more in love with her and finally proves it in the ways he could only have dreamt of in a past life they shared.