To Where It Bent (In the Undergrowth)
Last
"I want to be better." He had said
Felix thinks of his words that night, considering them. When he rests them in his palm they weigh down his arm. When he places them in his mouth like a pill, they dissolve, leaving behind a bitter taste. He had meant them, he knows that much for certain, but did he have the heart to continue meaning them? He brushes his bosom with the callused pads of his long, pale fingers. The beats thrummed, seemingly steady and strong, but were they really?
After two ticks more of the rhythm Felix relinquished the ridiculous question. It was not a matter of 'can', rather one of 'will'. For the moment he makes the choice to do so, he becomes capable of it.
Would he though?
What if he did? If he really did cease being that way, who would he be doing it for? Did his cold nature bother him? Once, Plagg had noted how Chat and Felix seemed to be entirely different entities, rather than facets of the same one.
Facets... what a concept.
If they really were separate, whether through fractures or complete breaks, which of the two was real? If Felix really were just a piece of the whole, then who was he a piece of?
He cannot decide.
What is his name?
He does not know?
What is he like?
Felix would like to meet him.
Then, and only then, might he decide if he'd like to be him.
Air floods his lungs.
"I want to be better"
Felix felt the air occupy his chest, he knew it was there, yet they somehow still felt empty. His body craved the oxygen, and his chest seemed to burn. His eyes too, and his throat. Everything seemed to hurt.
He stumbled back a step.
Tears flooded her eyes "Because I've just realized, you're terrible! You're cruel, and emotionless, and you don't care about anyone! I'm not even sure if you care about yourself." Marinette cried out, fists clenched.
Her lip wobbled.
He hadn't meant to
It shouldn't matter
Why would it matter?
It wasn't important, not to him.
Why did she care so much? It wasn't important.
First
"Hey, that's not okay" Marinette furrowed her eyebrows at the blond's statement
He rolled his eyes "Well it's true, isn't it? I don't see why it's my responsibility to sugar coat it."
Her blue eyes narrowed at his statement, and he saw as her shoulders tensed slightly. Usually she followed his heels like a puppy, waiting for him to drop some sort of scrap of acknowledgement. Felix was unsure whether this development was better or worse, but he supposed it didn't quite matter either way. After all, it would be handled soon enough. Perhaps she'd even leave him alone.
"You're being unnecessarily mean, and I don't get why. You should just apologize to Alya!"
He tuned out the argument, though later he wished that he hadn't. The words carry a weight he hadn't expected them to be able to. It escalated though, and kept escalating, until at some point even he couldn't have stopped the words from sinking in.
This was the start of something terrible, festering in the left part of his chest.
A/N: So I woke up this morning with the first half of this written on an index card and a pen on the ground near where I apparently fell asleep.
I've never even written Miraculous fan fiction before.
So, um, don't know where that came from. I have a bit of writer's block in my multi-chapter stuff, so I've only got this and a 4k Harry Potter 'Black Friday' AU, which I might not end up posting. It's Harry/Hermione because I want them to be an old married couple someday.
-Lucas_Gilbert