AN: I literally forgot about this story! I wrote it years ago under another penname and had on another site. Seemed "too adult" back then, but doesn't seem like as big a deal now...
Re-reading it made me smile, but mostly cringe. So I've decided to re-write it so it doesn't make me cringe. I have a few stories like that! Revising is a good side project while I figure out how to wrap up my other story and outline a new one. Anyway…if you've never read this before, enjoy the first time (pun intended). If you have read before…I promise it's better now that I have more experience
Jessie tried to be quiet. She really did. She had a roommate and a nosy neighbor too. She tried, but she failed.
"Right there," she called out loudly. Locking her ankles around him and burying her hands in his hair. She was sitting upright in bed with her back pressed into the headboard and his head between her legs. "Don't stop…don't…no wait…stop…stop," she breathed heavily.
He lifted his head and raised an eyebrow. She met his gaze and took a few deep breaths. Hoping to regain some of the control. "Come here," she ordered. Grabbing his face and kissing him deeply. She did not pull away until he was the one making noise.
"I want you inside me," she whispered against his lips and felt his grin.
"So fucking bossy," he teased. Sliding back and then roughly tugging her into a prone position. Leaning over her and clearly more than ready to meet her demand.
"Now," she insisted.
"I love you," he professed. Positioning himself.
"I love you too," she moaned. Closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip in anticipation, but he did not thrust inside her like she wanted.
"Open your eyes," she heard instead. "Open your eyes," she heard again, but ignored him.
"Jessie, get up! You're gonna miss your flight. GET UP!"
Jessie sat up in bed abruptly. Disoriented. Brought out of a deep sleep by her roommate, Cori. Whose hands were still on her and shaking her.
"What time is it?" she asked groggily. Pushing Cori off the bed and out of her personal space.
"Time for you to get up," Cori scoffed. "Jeez…must've been SOME dream," she commented before heading into the bathroom without another word.
Jessie was grateful for the reprieve. Embarrassed and unable to hide the blush that covered her face and neck as the dream flooded back in glorious and frustrating detail. She had been plagued with these dreams for months. And every time a dream was about to come to its climax, she had been interrupted. By her phone, or her roommate, or her alarm clock. Or maybe it was her own goddamned subconscious. Dead set on torturing her. Forcing her to wake up in knots. Wanting someone, so badly, that she could not have.
"Fuck," she sighed. Plopping back down on her bed. Wishing she were alone so she could take care of herself while the dream was still fresh. Remembering it would be at least ten hours before she could count on any alone time. "Fuck," she growled again at the realization. Turning onto her side and putting a pillow between her legs. Then she noticed the time and remembered why her roommate had shaken her awake.
"Shit…I'm gonna be late!" Jessie jumped out of bed and went straight for the bathroom door to start banging. "Cori, let me get in there real fast? Please?" she begged. "I need to leave soon or I'll be late. Please? Oh…thank you," she smiled when the door opened.
Ten minutes later, Jessie was on her way to the airport after a hasty goodbye. The drive was anxiety-ridden and making her way through security did not help. She made it to the gate with a few minutes to spare, but did not breathe easy until she was fastening her seatbelt and listening to the flight attendant's safety speech. She was happy to be going home for Christmas break and nervous to see the man who had been haunting her dreams.
The dreams began in August after she left the Compound to start her freshman year at Stanford and had not stopped. Recently, daydreams were creeping in too and affecting her concentration during class. And she had no idea where it was coming from because loving him was not new. She had accepted she was in love with him two years ago and decided that same night that she could never admit it. Because it would never work between them and it was not worth the risk. It had not been an easy two years. Watching him with other girls hurt, but she had survived unscathed and knew it was the right choice.
Loving him was not new, but the uninhibited lust was. And it was somehow getting worse even though they were further apart than ever. Three thousand miles to be exact. The distance had not impacted their friendship though. She still talks to him daily. Talks…not just texting. She talks to him more than anyone else. Every time they hang up, she wishes she had chosen somewhere closer to home so they would at least be on the same coast and could maybe work it out.
'Maybe he'll decide to come to Stanford too,' she thought hopefully.
An idea she had not been able to get out of her head for months. Or maybe it was a fantasy. She knew missing him would be a consequence of choosing the West coast, but she had miscalculated how hard it would be. The West coast was supposed to be her independent fresh start. Her opportunity to move on. Being on the other side of the country meant less time at home. It was supposed to be a great idea. Now she was second guessing everything.
She tried to sleep during the flight, but could not stop thinking about Jonny long enough to rest. The way he laughed. The things he did in her dreams. She loved him, she lusted after him and she did not see either feeling changing so she decided to change her mind instead. She was completely sure when she decided to keep her feelings hidden two years ago and she was just as sure it was no longer that simple. She needed to do something. At least about the lust part. The only question was execution.
She was physically ready for sex. More than ready. Had been for a while. Emotions were the problem. She tried to remove emotion from the equation in October. Two months of intense sex dreams about your best friend with no relief or end in sight will do that to a girl. She made a plan, picked the guy and changed her mind twenty minutes into their first date. She tried a few times with Bill, but her heart was not having it. Turned out being physically ready was not enough. She needed the emotional connection too and Jonny was the only one checking both boxes.
She spent the last hour of the plane ride considering how to do it. The different ways she could broach it and all his possible responses.
'Maybe I should be blunt,' she eventually thought. 'Come right out and ask. I can talk to him about anything else. Why should this be different? All of my other firsts have been with him. First dance. First kiss. First love...even though he doesn't know that one. I'm ready and I want him to be my first. No matter what happens…I don't think I could ever regret choosing him for this. Now I just need to get up the courage to admit it to his face…'
Anxiety flushed through her when the plane arrived. Her confidence started to wane as fast as it had developed. 'Maybe being home will make everything easier. The dreams didn't start until I left,' she tried to convince herself.
She rushed through the airport to baggage claim in a fog of indecision that seemed to grow with each minute that passed. When she stepped out of the terminal though, Jonny was the first person she saw and every doubt evaporated. She wanted him. He had the biggest smile on his face as he came towards her with open arms.
"Hey," she smiled right back. Meeting him half way and jumping into his arms.
Jonny pulled her closer and whispered into her ear. "I missed you, Ace."
Jessie could not help the jolt of desire she felt or the flashes from dreams that came rushing back. Being in his arms made that impossible to avoid. "I missed you too. So much," she replied. Pulling back reluctantly and hoping he did not immediately spot that she felt awkward.
"Can we go for a run tomorrow morning and catch up. Just us?" she asked softly. She was determined to ask him, but needed more time to plan out how to say it.
"I can't wait," he grinned.
'Neither can I,' she thought and then realized the rest of her family was not descending. "Where's my dad?" she asked.
"Washington," Jonny shrugged and grabbed one of her bags. "God forbid the President make a major decision without my father," he mocked. Jessie laughed at him as they made their way toward the parking garage. "They SHOULD be back in 48 hours," he continued. "But who knows."
'That's perfect,' Jessie smiled to herself. 'Maybe this is fate.'
"What's funny?" Jonny asked.
"Oh…nothing," she shot back quickly. "I was just wondering why my dad didn't tell me. That's weird."
"It was last minute," Jonny explained. "You were already on the plane when the call came. I told him I'd tell you everything."
"Gotcha. Well…it's still great to be home. Even though I somehow forgot how cold it gets," she shivered.
Jonny chuckled and then started to jog. "Come on slow poke. The car is close."
"Quest!"
XXX
"So how does it feel to be free for a whole month?" Jonny asked once they were on the highway. "I'm jealous."
"Hey…you'll get the same time off next year so don't start," she countered and then bit her lip. Tempted to test the waters since they would be alone for the night, but ultimately chickening out.
They drove in a comfortable silence for about twenty minutes, until he broke it.
"So…how's it going with what's his name? You haven't mentioned him the last few times we spoke," he asked curiously.
"Oh Bill?" she hedged. As far as she could recall she had only mentioned Bill once in passing, but clearly Jonny remembered. "Fine," she continued with a shrug. "But I don't really know."
"That wasn't a very good answer," he laughed.
"My interest fizzled," she told him.
"What went wrong?" he wanted to know.
She was not sure she wanted to give him the honest answer yet.
"Jess?" he prodded.
"Sex," she blurted out and he almost swerved the car into oncoming traffic. "JONNY," she yelled.
"Sorry," he apologized. Recovering quickly. "You…caught me off guard. So uh…it was no good or what?" he asked with a nervous laugh.
"We should talk about this later," she suggested.
"No. It's fine. You just surprised me," he told her. "We've never talked about sex before, but we can. We can talk about anything, right? So let me have it," he added.
"Okay," she started slowly and saw him swallow deeply. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"
"Yes," he insisted. "You're my best friend. I wanna help."
She could tell he was lying a little, but figured they needed to get a little uncomfortable for it to work out the way she wanted.
"Okay," she started again. "All Bill wants to do is have sex. That's all anyone wants to do. I'm surrounded," she rushed out.
Jonny nodded a lot before responding. "So he wants to do it a lot then? That's not really surprising," he offered.
"I know. But he doesn't care about me at all. I'm just a sex object," she told him quietly. "I can't seem to get over that."
"Then why are you sleeping with him?" he asked. Sounding angry. "Doesn't sound like this dickhead deserves you."
"I'm not…I mean I haven't yet. That's the point," she said. "I can't bring myself to go through with it. So…fizzled."
"Oh," he breathed out in relief. "You had me worried for a second. I thought I was gonna have to hit him."
She laughed. "Please…I can do my own hitting. But thank you."
"Offer stands. I love that you don't take crap from men though. You're the most finely tuned bullshit detector I've ever met. It makes me worry about you slightly less," he admitted.
"I can take care of myself," she told him.
"I know that, but men are dogs. I know that's cliché, but they really are. You can't ever let your guard down," he warned.
"You're not a dog," she said.
"Only cause you taught me well," he deflected. "I just don't want you to have any regrets," he whispered. "You deserve better."
Jessie stared at his profile for a moment and then faced forward as the gates to the Compound opened. She took in the grounds as they moved up the long driveway. Memorizing everything all over again
"I'm so glad to be home," she smiled after they walked through the front door.
"Pizza?" he suggested.
"Sounds good," she told him. "I'm gonna grab a quick shower first. Call me when it's here."
About thirty minutes later, they were in the kitchen enjoying a pizza.
"Mmm," Jessie said. "Nothing in California compares to this."
"I told you to stay on the East coast," he joked, but did wish she was closer. Maybe they could work something out if she were closer.
"I wish that I had," she sighed.
"Really?" he asked a little hopeful
"Yeah," she admitted.
"Why?" he wanted to know.
"I like Stanford, don't get me wrong. The professors are great and the campus is beautiful, but I don't like being so far away from you guys," she admitted. "I thought those feelings would go away after a month or two, but they haven't. I'm already dreading going back. I'm sick of the people."
"Transfer to Harvard," he suggested boldly. "Maybe we could get an apartment together. Avoid all the dorm bullshit?"
"Are you being serious?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said. "I'd much rather live with you than anyone else, and if you're not happy out there…" he let that statement hang.
Jessie did not know what to say. The idea was appealing and not all in one. If they were together, it would be amazing. She loved the idea of being that close to him again, but did not think she could handle watching him with other women any longer.
Jonny took her silence as a lack of interest and tried to backtrack. "Race probably wouldn't go for the idea though."
"You've decided on Harvard then?" she cleared her throat.
"Yeah. I wanted to tell you in person. It was between Harvard and MIT. They both have great programs, but I decided that I'd rather go to the school that my father didn't," he finished with a smile.
"Probably a good idea for your own sanity," she agreed.
"I know," he laughed and began to clean up. "Movies?" he asked.
"Let's do it," she said. "What do you wanna watch?"
"Your choice," he told her.
For the next seven hours, they watched movies and joked around on the couch. It was like old times. The best night. Around midnight, Jessie decided that she could not be in the same room as him without jumping him. It was weird. Being around him again, how much she loved him dominated her thoughts just like before, but now the lust part was there too. She needed to go to bed before she did something rash.
"I'm gonna head up," she announced in the middle of their fourth movie.
"Alright, I'm heading up soon too," he said.
"We still on for a run and talk tomorrow?" she asked a little breathlessly.
"Of course," he replied, but gave her a hesitant look. "Are you alright? We can talk now."
'He's so sweet,' she thought.
"I'm fine," she smiled. Becoming more convinced by the second that she was making the right decision. "I just need to figure something out and then I wanna talk to you about it," she said.
"All ears when you're ready," he promised. "Night."
"Night, Quest."
Once she closed her bedroom door, Jessie could not wait for the sun to come up. She was pretty confident he would not object to her idea. He was a great guy, but he was still a guy. He dated a lot, but she did not think anything too serious had happened. Convinced she would know if it had. She fell asleep with a smile on her face and it wasn't long before she got caught up in her dreams again.