A.N: Ace Merrill fic. Tie in to Hometown Girl. Stephen King owns Ace, Chris, Eyeball and Gordie. When I was your man belongs to Bruno Mars.
When I was your Man
'Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now,
Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same,
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down,
'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name'.
She doesn't see you as they come in the door- her ahead of him of course, because he's the kind of douche that pulls out chairs and opens doors. She's laughing at something he's saying, turning her head back to look at him, long dark hair flying loose like something out of a damn shampoo commercial. You try your hardest not to remember how her hair smells, the way you would bury your face into it once you knew she was sleeping.
He embodies everything you're scornful of- clean shaven, well pressed clothes, muscular in a way that says he lifts weight on the regular. She used to nag you to wear something other than your wife beater and open shirts but you never listened to a word of it. You never listened to much of what she said really- anything you didn't agree with got a nasty response- and you've always had your Daddy's nasty tongue.
"Hey, Merrill." Eyeball slides into the seat next to you and follows your gaze across the room. "Come on, now, you're not still wigging after them two?"
His comment snaps you back to reality, and you give him a death stare.
"Nobody's wigging over anything, I was just watching what a pussy your brother is around women."
That's half true. They're at a booth now, and he's slid in next to her. His arm is across the back of the seat, and his fingers are playing lazily with her hair. You've done that kind of thing with her in private- never in a public place- but it's usually because you want to get your end away and you'd never be able to concentrate on that while giving her your focus like he is. She's talking earnestly- maybe about school, maybe about losing her Mom, and he's listening, he ain't saying much but she's got his undivided- even you can see that.
"You're better off without her." Eyeball says, taking a bite of his burger. "I ain't heard you stressing in weeks since you broke up, and that chick you left with on Friday was fine."
You should be comforted by his words but instead you want to knock his teeth out- partly because she's with his brother, and partly because he doesn't know the whole truth of what he's saying.
She had stressed you out an awful lot. She always wanted more from you- more attention, more romance, for you to have goals. She wanted you to dress different, treat her different, be somebody you ain't never gonna be.
You'd been telling Eyeball this one day at this very diner- it might have even been in this booth, when Fran came to clean away your milkshakes. She had smirked a little as you were talking, and although you usually gave her a wide berth- she'd never liked you and you didn't want to be banned from the only decent place to eat in Castle Rock- this day she caught you at a bad moment and you demanded what the hell it was she was laughing at.
"If you loved that girl, she wouldn't have to ask you to make an effort for her. And if she felt better about herself, she'd realise that too, and stop waiting for you to change."
"She can walk out the door any time she wants," you scoffed, and Fran just rolled her eyes and walked away.
Fran's comment niggled at you for a little bit, because you know you never made it easy for her to walk away. You'd tell her she was over reacting, you'd show up semi apologetic, and you'd get real angry at any reference to her leaving you- your changed behaviour never lasts long. Plus you know she's a little broken- that her Mom never cared even before she croaked, and her Dad has been out the picture a long old time. All she really has is that wimpy Lachance kid, who you hate for no other reason but that he told her she deserved to be treated better. But if you tell her she's crazy, that nobody can ever make her happy, you see in her eyes that she believes it a little. And that's how you keep her coming back for more.
Until this Chambers asshole.
You'd been accusing her of cheating long before she looked at another guy- you don't trust any female- haven't since your Ma split when you were fifteen- and if you'll admit it, it makes you feel good when she cries and tries to convince you you're the only one for her. While all the while, you tell her you've heard it all before and women ain't got no loyalty to speak of. But deep down inside of you, a little voice that you can't strangle, tells you she would have been yours forever if you had treated her better.
Maybe she'd be looking at you like she's looking at this chump right now.
"She still banging on about college?" You hate yourself for still talking about her, and Eyeball looks a little uneasy.
"Ah, yeah, pair of nerds always got their heads in a book. All you hear from them is 'college this, California that'."
He's tryna pick his words carefully but they bulldoze a hole in your stomach. You'd told her she would be better off here in Castle Rock. You told her she didn't need college. Because you didn't want her leaving, or want her to think she's better than you. You know full well that you're going to die in Castle Rock, probably fall off a bar stool somewhere or end up in Oregon Pen like your old man. But Chris Chambers, he pushes her to do better. She's trying to keep up with him instead of slowing down for you.
You bite back the next question- Does she look happy to you? Because any idiot can see that she is. She's a damn sight happier than she ever was with you- you bet this douche never makes her cry. Eyeball had let a few things slip over the past couple of months- that he'd sent her flowers on her birthday, that he had gotten into a fight at the movies over her- and not because he was teaching a guy a lesson about encroaching on his girl- but because he had been genuinely upset that someone had offended her. On the anniversary of her Ma's death, he had planned a day out - some pussyfied picnic according to Eyeball. You remember your indifference with her tears when her Ma died- how your patience with her mood didn't fall into days, let alone weeks or months. You'd called her whiny, said you were sick of her complaining, and she'd looked at you with shocked wide eyes and said 'Ace, I'm dying inside.'
Their food has arrived now- and she's done that irritating thing she does when she orders something different from you then prefers your food. But he just laughs and cuts his burger in two to give her half. She puts her face in his neck, and you see him close his eyes and kiss her hair.
Ordinarily, that would make you want to gag, but watching him now, you have never been so jealous of anybody in your life.
'My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways,
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I'll never, never get to clean up the mess I made, oh,
And that haunts me every time I close my eyes.'