Fate: Unequally Blade Works

by OverMaster

Spinoff of Unequally Rational and Emotional. Ten years ago, the corrupted Holy Grail destroyed Fuyuki City, only to manifest itself at Mahora Academy's campus a decade later. Now, Emiya Shirou, survivor of the Fuyuki fires, is drawn into a battle between the strongest and weirdest warriors of history past, present and future. Can he count with help from boy mage Negi Springfield?

5. The Nameless Hero

Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon created and own Fate/Stay Night.

The Walt Disney Company created and owns Darkwing Duck.

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own Mahou Sensei Negima!

Gatoh Shoji and Fujimi Shobo created and own Full Metal Panic!

No hacemos dinero de escribir este fanfic.

No talking ducks or Pegasi were hurt in the making of this chapter.

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Fate: Unequally Blade Works.

Chapter Four: The Nameless Hero.

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By OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage.

---

Prologue: My Friend.

"I saw your dreams, you know," the witch (no, not Medea) says casually, as is her custom. Normally she is quiet and silent, but when she talks, she knows exactly what to say, and how.

She reminds him of Rani from the Moon Cell, and not only because of the obvious physical similarities. More than once he's wondered if Atlas didn't pattern Rani after the witch princess, in this world and the other; it makes a moderate amount of sense when you think about it.

"That's always a bad thing to do," her Servant calmly says, standing on her balcony and looking into the distance, towards the communal dormitories.

"It's not like I could help it," the Princess, this Rose Bride always fragrant, says as she comes behind him to hug him, to run her fingers over his torso, caressing like the needed person she is. Her real prince is long gone, and for too long she's been on a quest for her; in the meantime, like any good fairy tale princess, she still needs a hero, and he's the best thing she has for now. "Why don't you hold a grudge against the child?"

Archer closes his eyes and thinks back of that day, the day he made his contract, the day that would fling him into the never ending cycle of violence.

Like so many others, he swore loyalty to the boy's project. Seeing so much of himself in him, his dreams and aspirations running parallel, he promised he'd do his best to help him, no matter what. Two peas in a pod, Chisame had grunted before retreating back to keep working on her own contribution, the artificial intelligence program that everyone half-seriously tried to dissuade her from, because didn't she know those things always turned sentient and tried to wipe out humanity, come on Chisame you were supposed to be the savvy one! And it was true, he had to admit it now. Back then, they'd all been so blind.

So naive.

They never expected for an attack as random, as seemingly pointless, as that of Vandal Savage and his new Injustice Society. Grundy. Doctor Light. The psychotic duo of Harime and Tsukuyomi, dancing across the halls of the Space Elevator in a graceful joint ballet of passionate kisses and mutual caresses while they skewered everyone in their way. The Mirror Master. Grodd, the Gorilla Overlord. The Star Sapphire. Paste-Pot Pete. The Purple Man. Otto Octavius, a decaying and broken man still fueled on by sheer misanthropy and a life supporting tentacled armor. And even, aging and bloated but still restless, ever overcharged with manic homicidal frenzy, the ultimate showman, the well-picked symbol of chaos Savage had selected as both the public face and distracting decoy of his sabotage party. Joker.

Archer had learned about the bomb in the elevator's nuclear core before anyone else could. But Light had disrupted all communications, and Saber… Artoria was long gone. He was on his own, racing desperately in his attempt to reach the device, despite knowing he'd make it in time. Until he heard the voice in his mind, as ominous as hopeful.

Make a contract with us.

Homura-san had often warned them, even the boys, against such things. But it hadn't been exactly what she'd warned them against, and so Archer hoped, and took it on the offer, and with that, the dream was saved, and he was doomed.

"I don't regret it," he says now, stoically ignoring the way the witch undoes his belt. "Why would I hold it against him?"

"And it's easier to punish yourself," the witch softly says as she bites more than kisses on his earlobe. "What will they do if they lack that boy when that happens?"

"That will never come to happen in the first place," he solemnly promises. "Not this time."

The rose witch stresses her warning. "He will make it happen. Even if he doesn't want it, it's still his dream, his goal. If not Savage, someone else will strike at it."

"He was my friend," Archer says, and that's all that really needs being said.

Below, in the house smelling of roses, Mai and Mikoto sleep innocently. Up, the princess lures her knight downstairs, the witch claims her prize. He goes along. He might as well use the extra prana.

There's a long war ahead, after all.

---

"Tohsaka," Shirou said, voice tense, each hand Reinforcing the wooden stick firmly clutched in it to the best of his ability, "what Class of Servant is this?"

Standing her own ground by his side and holding four shiny jewels in each hand, Tohsaka Rin began answering, "Well, Emiya-kun, judging from—What the hell, Emiya, that's no Servant! Something that ridiculous looking couldn't be a Servant!"

"Your Servant is a talking duck," she was reminded by the smug, slimy bastard with purple seaweed hair standing by the hanging Sakura, his arms folded.

"My Servant," Rin indignantly said, "is a sleek, stealthy creature of the night, a boogeyman perfectly suited for urban warfare. He just happens to look like a duck! This thing, on the other hand, is just plain idiotic looking!"

"Sure, keep telling yourself that, Duck-Master!"

"That's rich coming from the deviant with the robot Servant!"

"Fumo fumo fumoffu! Fuuu!" Bonta-kun said, raising his weapons and opening fire.

Sagara Sousuke's mind felt like it was burning. Raised to become the ultimate soldier since he could first remember, he'd been educated with an unyielding sense of mental discipline and fortitude. As part of his hellish training in the harshest jungles and deserts of the planet, he'd been conditioned—most would say downright tortured—into resisting pretty much any sort of brainwashing inflicted upon him by an enemy.

However, those were methods of resistance taught by humans—if such a term applied to the child's instructors—and to be used against 'normal' humans. Sousuke's trainers and teachers were not magic users, and there was nothing they could do to prevent magical trances and hypnosis from being imposed on him.

Still, the basic principle still applied to some degree. All forms of mental subjugation, magical or not, rely on bending the victim's willpower. And Sagara, through too many long nights of physical and psychological damage, had emerged with a terrifying willpower that wouldn't make him quit in battle. Unless said battle was one he didn't intend to be taking place in the first place. Sagara's subconscious, right now, was more concerned with fighting the influence applied on him than on fighting his enemy's enemies.

That was the sole reason why his shots missed as they flew over the heads of the quickly dodging Shirou and Rin. Nimble as they were from years of training of their own, they still would have been perforated multiple times against an expert shooter armed with precision fast handguns. There was, after all, a damn good reason why Kiritsugu had earned a life out of shooting magi dead, and why all Mahora magical teachers but Takamichi, Negi and Itoshiki chose avoiding contact with Tatsumiya whenever possible. You never knew. Also, gunpowder stank.

"Kill them, Bonta-kun! Kill them!" Shinji cackled, waving a fist in circles joyfully as Sakura clenched her teeth and worked harder on undoing her bonds. Rin, grunted, tried a leg sweep at one of the Bonta's thick, chubby legs, but it felt she was kicking a brick wall. They were too close for her to feel comfortable using her best attack spells, but the plus side was now they'd gotten close enough to avoid being shot at, for the most part.

Shirou swung from the side, bashing Bonta-kun's temple with one of his sticks, but other than shattering it into splinters and dropping the mascot's hat, he achieved little to nothing. Bonta-kun easily countered by placing one of his guns right under Shirou's chin, but in the nick of time, Rin pushed her fellow Master aside, so when Sagara pulled the trigger the bullet simply flew harmlessly through the ceiling instead of Shirou's skull.

Taking half a moment to whisper a "Thanks", Shirou reached for one of the nearby display telescopes and reinforced it to replace the lost stick, then jammed it into Bonta-kun's prominent belly. Again, it seemed to have no effect whatsoever, as the telescope simply bashed against the thick layers of padding filler in the suit, but that give Rin enough time to rise with a flying kick to the mouse's face.

"C'mon, Bonta-kun, you're a natural born killer! King of the jungle!" Shinji gestured vehemently. "Stop playing with them and do 'em already! Ass, shit out the nose, you know the drill!"

Sakura snarled, almost done, snapping another line of rope before going to work on the last one. She could see her sister and Sempai working together to bash the guns out off the Bonta-kun's hands, but just as quickly, Sagara replaced the pistols with two large knives that seemed to pop from the suit's wrists, and he swung them with lethal intent. One of them cut Rin in the shoulder, making her hiss in brief pain, while Shirou blocked the other with his telescope in a dramatic show of sparks. Shinji was gnawing on one of his thumbs now, contemplating the scene with growing apprehension, and completely oblivious to his captive. Good.

Sakura could hear heavy noise, thuds and crashes coming from way below in the building. It sounded like Vigilante and Monster were bringing the house down around themselves, perhaps literally, which was quite worrying in its own right. Should the observatory collapse at any point, Sakura knew well nobody but the Servants would survive it. She could only hoped that, should the worst come to pass, Vigilante could be adopted by Negi-sensei or someone else on his team… but this wasn't the time to think of that.

Yes, she obviously didn't give a damn about Saber. Blonde hussy.

Bonta-kun was forcing Rin and Shirou back, but then that only gave Rin more room to use spells without hurting herself or Shirou. She snapped her fingers, shouted something drowned by the sounds of the battle below, and a small blast of radiance flew from her fingers into Bonta-kun's eyes, making Sagara stumble back for only a moment, before retaliating with a spinning kick that caught Shirou in the chest, crashing him against a wall, leaving a Shirou-shaped outline holding a telescope-shaped outline.

It took all of Sakura's willpower right then to restrain herself from shouting "Sempai!"

---

Slowly, groggily, Ikari Shinji forced himself to wake up.

Depending on how you looked at it, Ikari was extremely weak-willed or surprisingly stronger willed than apparent. While he would be a pushover in his relationships, once he felt the need to prove himself worth of someone's attention, he could be driven to the point of stupid self-sacrifice. He could be the type to endure great physical and emotional pain doing something like, to pick a totally random and arbitrary example, piloting a gigantic abomination of angelic nature in bloody combat against murderous monsters, but then he would ragequit over something as trivial as feeling mistreated... or as trascendental as a dear friend dying. He was often self-contradictory like that.

That metaphor, which otherwise has no impact upon our story, serves to illustrate how he'd go to great lengths to summon a Servant based on nothing but random books found in his parents' collection of the arcane (also, he'd been bored and unsupervised), yet feared doing anything actually related to the Grail War afterwards, and instead just stayed at home and had wild hot Master-Servant sex (which still made him a lot braver than some people actually in the war). Maybe he'd have been more proactive if he'd summoned a Servant he would feel more at ease risking, like, we dunno again, Blackbeard? Nobody likes Blackbeard but other filthy scurvy pirates and random fellow lolicon otaku anyway. But he didn't feel like sacrificing Rider, sweet, kind, soft, squishy, bouncy, enthusiastic, loud, tight, moist Rider, and for her he'd do whatever there was in the range of his limited capabilities.

Like waking up after being tapped by his childhood idol, which was another of those things highly painful both in the emotional and physical senses,

He groaned, pushing himself up on his elbows and trying to focus through the dizziness. Other than Matou's repeated urgings to "Kill them! Kill her! But leave enough so I can gloat over it!" he could hear some girl shouting a storm at him, promising colorful actions of unspeakable retaliation, and the blast and explosion sound effects one would expect from an episode of Drag So-Ball X. Also, the floor right under him seemed to be trembling.

Looking back over his shoulder, which brought further pain to his neck, strained from taking a love tap from a freaking mecha suit, he could see that red-haired boy Shinji thought was the Master of the Servant Rider was fighting pulling himself back to the fray while limping visibly. The twin-tailed girl with him was doing most of the fighting, though, not only kicking roundhouses and leg sweeps at the Bonta-kun as her legs seemed to glow with visible lines running along them, but also blasting weird energy balls at his head, which exploded on contact and made him back away closer and closer to Matou.

Bonta-kun, however, wouldn't go down that easily and pressed on, throwing several knives at once, one of which cut the girl in the back of a hand. The girl hissed in pain but retained enough presence of mind to roll away from Bonta-kun's charge, even as the boy now hit the handgun flashing from his sleeve and into his paw with some broken telescope he happened to have on himself.

Nobody had ever warned Ikari Shinji there would be days like this. He didn't anyone ''to' warn him. Rider might have, but they'd been busy… reading articles.

"Okay, to hell with you!" Tohsaka Rin snapped, forcing Shirou behind her as she held a gem before herself and chanted, "I am the alias of destruction incarnate, in accordance with the principles of creation!"

Bonta-kun charged again, but suddenly a circular shield of flames projected before Rin pushed him back.

"Let the hammer of eternity descend unto me!" Rin kept on chanting. "EXPLOSION!"

Somewhere in the Crimson Magic Clan Village of Mundus Magicus, someone sneezed. And there was an Explosion, curiously enough.

And a massive blast of fire impacted Bonta-kun straight on, briefly blinding all those in the room and forcing Ikari to shield his eyes with a forearm. When he felt he could finally look again, he saw Matou gasping, pale and shaken, at the girl, who stood smugly before a Bonta-kun whose front had been completely burnt off, showing the metallic, robotic exoskeleton formerly covered by the adorable face, chest and belly of the Friend to All Children (won from Gamera after an extended legal battle).

"How... How could you do that!" Matou gasped, still oblivious to his former ally's revival. "That's not fair, it's not supposed to work that way! The rules concerning Explosion are clear, it's so taxing you should be dropping unconscious after casting it, not to mention you could cast it, and only it, only once a—!"

Rin chuckled. "Bitch, please! When you're a Tohsaka, magic is what you want it to be! We've spent years studying and perfecting dozens of spells from both Vetus and Magicus! Not my fault if you Matous can't even imagine doing that!"

"That's still not a true Explosion, though, is it?" Shirou wondered aloud.

"Shut up, Emiya-kun," Rin said through her clenched smile.

"I mean," Shirou went on, "Dad didn't tell me that much about magic, but he still told me enough for me to know Explosion is supposed to be much bigger than that..."

"Shut up, Emiya-kun," Rin repeated, tensely regaining her breath while holding another gem and waiting for the currently immobile Bonta-kun to either drop or strike once more. She dearly hoped for the former, since she wasn't sure how long she could keep in fighting like this.

"I know!" Shirou snapped his fingers. "It's because you didn't want to risk hurting Sakura, right? That's why it was so small, or was it you just couldn't—"

"SHUT! UP!" Rin warned a last time, before Bonta-kun twitched back to life and popped a massive machete out of each wrist. "FIREBALL!" she shouted next, tossing a ball of fire at Bonta-kun.

"Ah, you're doing it again!" Matou whined. "You goddamn cheater! Who do you think you are, fucking Lina Inverse?!"

Ikari, still splayed across the floor on his stomach, sighed wearily and closed a fist, not to mention his eyes. Screw this, I just want to go home, he thought, and then said, "Rider, please. Come here to me!"

That was when Sakura finally undid the last of her binds and landed on her feet and on his back, making him shriek and leaving him unconscious again.

---

During his prior life, Vigilante had often fought a recurring foe who obsessed over the (relatively recent and unexplored in Mundus Magicus) art of filmmaking. That adversary had often lured him into traps patterned after old horror movies from the Old World, and would follow all conventions and tropes of the genre slavishly.

Several of these traps had called back to black and white scenarios of old, dilapidated structures where cackling madmen playing at God summoned half-undead, half-mechanic, half-lawyer tragic monstrosities to do their bidding through their inhuman strength. Other than the apparent absence of a hunchbacked minion somewhere, Vigilante's current situation felt just like being trapped in one of those old films all over again.

Monster moved with the blunt, steamrolling might of a Berserker, but no Mad Enhancement clouded her mind. While she didn't seem particularly bright in strategy or eloquce, she moved in a way that was primarily offensive without leaving any major holes in her defense. Very early in their clash, she had forced Vigilante to play a more defensive game himself, bouncing from one corner of the hall to the other while shooting at her, but most of those shots would be deflected by her mace, and even those that hit, she would just charge through the resulting explosion of gas shortly after, apparently none the worse.

Her being technically not alive on three different fronts (Servant, probably a machine, probably some revived mockery of life even in her previous existence) meant he wasn't holding back, but even so, she had the upper hand so far. Gas pellets, even the knockout varieties, weren't doing the trick; it seemed like Monster didn't even breathe (something most Servants still did even if they didn't need to, both because of constant habit and to better pass for humans in case of need), so making her inhale them was out of the question.

He could always try the incendiary charges, but those expanded quickly, and he didn't want to risk burning the building down until Rin had pulled Sakura out. Muttering under his breath as he leapt out of the way of Monster's latest one-woman stampede, he loaded a grappling hook shot and caught Monster's mace in it, trying to pull it towards himself and disarm her, but she made something that vaguely approached a small smile and charged her weapon with electricity stored in her body, shocking him and forcing him to stumble back in pain.

"Why, you...!" the feathered creature yelled, falling back into a crouching position, his cape wrapped around himself. He had been shocked harder by Megavolt, so he remained conscious, but it was clear taking a hold, direct or indirect, of the mace wasn't going to work either. He slid across the floor, trying to snare her legs between his feet, but she gracefully danced out of his way and used her weapon as a mallet, hitting him in the head and bashing him across the room to slam into the wall, creating a Vigilante-shaped outline.

He groaned while putting his hat back on, and he could see her frowning slightly as she regarded him, and how he quickly stood back up. Apparently she had been counting on finishing him sooner than that, which surely meant she had little patience.. or tactics... for a long drawn-out conflict.

On the other hand, while alive, Vigilante's exploits had most often followed a certain pattern; he would go against a new enemy or an old foe with a new trick, the adversary would overwhelm him at their first clash, he would regroup, then attack again with renewed vigor and a new angle and he would prevail. Liberally sprinkle with disobedient-daughter shenanigans as needed. They seemed to be opposites, he calculated, not only in that she hoped to win quickly with no real plan for a second stage, but also in their raw capabilities.

Monster, from the way she moved and attacked, was a physical powerhouse, but from what Vigilante had heard about the Matous, they were a family on their way down, both in prestige and power. Rin's family had certainly known better days as well, but even now both Tohsaka sisters were gifted with incredible amounts of mana to draw from.

Even though he'd never admit it, Vigilante was used to being the little guy, the underdog who would find a way to win against the odds. He was the small fish pulling from a lot of power to boost his stats, while Monster looked like a bigger fish acting in a way that didn't fit the much smaller reserves fueling her. He grinned. The more things changed, and all of that. This was just like all those other fights, so long ago.

"Okay, okay, then, I see. So that's what you can bring to this game. Only it won't be a game anymore. Let's get dangerous," he said, better adjusting the hat on his head, and the battle was rejoined.

---

Artoria had always loved horses. She found them to be the noblest of beasts, and even though she always would be compared to the might of a lion or a dragon, she would always prefer the majestic grace of a well-bred and trained stallion or mare.

And they didn't come much more majestic and imposing than this unearthly creature of power and beauty. She couldn't imagine there could a horse, anywhere, more gorgeous and impressive than the being of wide spreading wings, covered by soft looking white feathers, that Medusa was now riding while holding a golden bridle.

Sitting on her huge throne, overlooking the prosperous lands of Equestria in Mundus Magicus, Princess Celestia, whose beauty would greatly eclipse even that of the original Pegasus, simply tilted her head aside and smiled, with a slight shrug of shoulders. Princess didn't sneeze, yo!

Still, that didn't make Saber's resolve falter in the slightest. This, too, was the enemy now. While she never would hurt a horse unless absolutely necessary, and even in the battlefields she always aimed for the rider and not the steed, this was a completely different affair, a conflict far greater than any of them.

Rider tossed her long purple hair back, as her horse moved his head in a half-circle and neighed loudly. Over in the distance, Chachamaru could be heard sighing lovingly.

"A truly impressive Noble Phantasm, Rider," Saber congratulated, analyzing the new situation carefully. Pegasus' wings flapped, sending mighty bursts of wind everywhere, and Rider tilted her head forward as if accepting the praise with a subtle smirk. "However, are you sure it is a useful as it is eye-catching?"

Rider chuckled. "Ufufu. I'm afraid he's still far too gentle. However, there are ways around that," she added, tightening her grip on the bridle, which glowed further and quickly shifted, becoming thicker and tighter, increasing the horse's protestations. "Truth be told, I'm not his true master, but his myth still grew tangled with mine over time, so..."

The horse's eyes grew redder, and his breathing ragged and rougher, his nose pumping air out so hard it sounded like it was puffing vapor instead. Saber grunted and waved the invisible sword, creating several tornados of compressed air that rose to try and hit Rider and the Pegasus, but the enemy Servant pulled the bridle up, and they elevated, barely out of reach, the impacts only managing to hit the animal's hooves. A rainbow began to trail from the Phantasmal Beast as it flew.

"You are not fit to touch this beast, Saber," Rider said, "as he was given birth by a god. Your demise is thus as guaranteed as a decree from Heavens. But fear not, as that also means it will be quick and painless."

"It is a surprise," Saber evenly said. "To think a demon like you would comfort a victim with promises of mercy."

Something about that observation seemed to displease Rider, as there was no outburst from her but a fleeting, yet marked scowl marred her perfect features. The bridle was tugged on further, and they shot up into the nocturnal sky, turning into a silver streak that soon was nothing but a tiny sparkle amongst the other stars. Saber knew better than to expect for a retreat, however, and she clenched her teeth, her gauntlets squeezing on the handle of the invisible sword.

From her vantage point, Chachamaru could perfectly see and hear her, as the Servant closed her eyes and chanted, quiet and controlled, "O mighty wind..."

The silver streak began descending at an incredible speed, rocketing downwards towards the waiting Saber, whose blade was beginning to show more visibly, a faint outline of a glowing intensity apparent between the gales of amazing raw power emanating from it. Chachamaru had never seen anything that amazing before, other than the incident at Lake Biwa where her Master had unleashed her full power. Or what Chachamaru thought approached the most to her full power of what she had bothered to ever show before her, anyway. No doubt there was still far more to her than that.

"Rider!" Saber shouted, opening her eyes again. The sword was almost fully visible now, its lines classic and sleek, elegant and conventional, yet unmistakably lethal and unopposable. While nowhere as big as Asuna's blade, it was just as impressive in its own way. "You only have yourself to blame for this!"

And with a final explosion of mana, the sword revealed itself in full, glinting under the waning light, even as Pegasus and Rider's figures again grew fully visible within the approaching streak.

This was it. The incoming clash would be something epic and awe inspiring, but also terrifying, and no doubt at least one of them wouldn't survive it. Chachamaru now regretted not having called on Ala Alba, despite the danger, as they had a talent for defusing dangerous situations, especially whenever attractive women were involved. But alas, it was too late for that by now, since in a few moments...

And then, just as Rider seemed to be shouting something, a name, at the same time Saber was opening her mouth to roar her call to her true Noble Phantasm, the black (half) clad Servant seemed to tense, then twitch violently in midair. Her face grew suddenly desperate and urgent, and she pulled back on the bridle, steering Pegasus roughly off-course.

And a second later, then simply blinked out of view, disappearing altogether.

Chachamaru didn't understand. Had they feared? Had they sensed defeat and retreated at the last moment? Or was this a trick and they intended to strike immediately later, from another angle? Were they counting on it for Saber to lower her guard? If so, that didn't happen, as Saber never lowered the sword of legend... although she did look away, towards the observatory, and her eyes widened.

A second later, she was leaping off into the distance, towards that building, while leaving Chachamaru behind without a single attempt at explanation.

Chachamaru still didn't truly understand how Servants fought and acted. But she knew she had enough of this by now.

They'd even scared all the nice little animals away!

---

"Wait a minute," Shirou managed to gasp despite the thick, chubby, very steely fingers wrapped around his throat, "how did we get in this situation in the first place?! I wasn't paying attention, sorry."

"Fumo fumoffu fumo. Fumo-Fu!" Bonta-kun reminded him as he held him in a paw, Rin in the other, lifting them both off his feet and setting them up for the finish. Now that his whole face was peeled off revealing the robotic skull underneath, the effect had stopped being ridiculous and became downright horrifying. He'd gone from Bonta-kun to Bontarminator.

"Oh, right," Shirou said, trying to nod as best as he could. Wow, that had been a stupid idea on his part. "Sorry, Tohsaka."

Rin struggled in Bonta-kun's grasp, kicking at Bonta-kun's body, but even her magically charged kicks did little against the combined body armor and leftovers of the shredded plush body shielding Sagara's anatomy. She spraed the time to give him a dirty look before she redirected it back to Matou. Matou boasted with his fists on his hips, savoring the moment.

"The classic scene!" he laughed. "After a log, grueling struggle, the heroes prevail and have the villains at their mercy, ready to dispatch them with a clever quip, then to ride into the sunset! Oboy, does this feel great, or it feels wonderful?"

"So, you're going to heroically let us go and allow us a second chance to mend our ways?" Shirou said.

"No, I'm going to shoot you dead so you can never harm anyone again, like a good 80's action hero. Now then, Tohsaka, what was it you were saying about—"

"TALK TO THIS TOHSAKA!" Sakura shouted as she swung at him from behind with a plank of wood left from unfinished repairs, slamming it on the back of his head and knocking him unconscious. She sniffled angrily, rubbing her runny nose, and muttered, "This should feel good, but I only feel sick in my stomach…"

Bonta-kun tilted his head towards her. "Fumoffu?"

"Y-Yeah, that's right! Fumoffu!" Sakura challenged, standing her ground while preparing the plank again. "Fumoffu you! Now let my sister and Sempai go or I'll seriously fumoffu you!"

"Sakura, are you insane?!" Rin complained.

"Fumoffu fumo fumo fumo fumoffu. Fumo-fumo-fu!" Bonta-kun pointed out.

"Don't 'fumoffu' me, Mister!" Sakura warned. "I've had a very bad day, I'm sure you've done just as bad, so let's make this easy for both of us! Just drop them already, okay?"

Shirou tilted his eyes towards Tohsaka, which was all he could do at the time. "You," he could rasp, "are a bad influence."

Rin gurgled something.

"Fu, fu fumoffu. Fumoffu fu!" Bonta-kun argued.

"Yes, but he's down and out cold now, isn't he?" Sakura argued back. "You're a puppet with no strings, so why keep dancing? What's the point?"

Bonta-kun assumed a proud martial pose. "Fumoffu fumoffu fu-fu-fu, fu-fu-fu. Fumoffu!" he declared as wind blew through the observatory, a tattered banner behind him that had been bleached white by wind, rain, sunlight and age fluttered behind him like a flag, a model of mars suspended from what was left of the ceiling position just right smack in the middle of it.

"You have no duty as a soldier to an enemy general!" Sakura told him. "And that's all Matou-sempai was! Furthermore, now that he's been defeated and found guilty of crimes against the Pravda Convention, he's lost any military ranking he might ever have held over you!"

"Fumo fumo fumo fuffu. Fummo-fu!" Bonta-kun corrected her.

"Oh, well, yes, that. Same difference!" Sakura said, waving a hand in a circle. "Look, don't try the 'I was just following orders' defense, you know what happens to guys who do that!"

Bonta-kun paused in pondering, then let go of Shirou and Rin, who dropped on their butts.

"Ouch."

"Ouch."

Sakura smiled, and was about to go hugging one of them (she hadn't decided which yet) when a huge flash of light coming from above startled them, including Bonta-kun, who trained an unexplained new pair of handguns up at the two figures that had just appeared hovering over them. However, recognizing the Servant mounting the flying white horse as one of those Matou had hypnotized him into never attacking, he lowered the guns just as soon.

"R-Rider!" Shirou gasped. "What, what happened to S—"

Ignoring them altogether, Rider leapt off Pegasus' back, and landed with both feet on Matou's spine, making him jolt back into awareness just to scream, twitch and drop back into unconsciousness. She trampled all over him as she dashed towards the limp Ikari, scooping him up in her arms and lifting him in a heartbreaking classically tragic pose. La Pieta, you know, that pose where it looks like they really should be a hair from dropping the person they're carrying.

She took her head back and howled in unmitigated anguish, "MASTERRRRRRRRRR!"

Perhaps because of the inhuman scream, a tiny part of the domed ceiling shattered into fine dust right above them, showering them in marble-white powder and allowing for the twilight to fall on them for extra dramatic effect, adding to the pathos of the scene.

Rider sobbed. "My poor, poor young Master, taken away from me so soon! So young!"

"Um, I don't think he's dead," Shirou piped in.

Rider kept on lamenting. "Why couldn't I be by his side in his hour of need? Why wasn't I here protecting the sole ray of light in my existence? Why didn't we just stay in bed this morning?"

"But he isn't dead," Sakura said.

Rider sank her face into Ikari's scrawny chest. "So frail, so fleeting! Never again will I enjoy the pleasures of his company! Listening to depressing music together! Sharing books on heart crushing poetry! Commiserating on familiar neglect, savoring our pain! The mutual pity sex! Experiencing existential angst as one under the twilight sun! The existential angst sex! The warm feeling of wetness as he rubs himself off on me when he thinks I'm asleep as if I were in a coma!"

"I mean, come on, it's too early in the story for people to start dying yet," Rin said. "You've gotta get to know the characters better first, or else there's no dramatic payoff to it. You really only have to worry around Chapter Eight onwards."

Deadpool, wherever he is, suddenly appeared in a little yellow box in the lower-right corner of the screen! "Wait, what? That's my thing you twintailed tsundere bitch! I'll sue! I'll schedule the next Deadpool movie to compete against the Heaven's Feel movie and steal your box office!"

"Oh, shut up you," Rin muttered, kicking him out of the lower-right corner of the screen. "That's Sakura's movie anyway!"

Sakura blinked. "Neesan?"

Rin waved a hand. "From Zelretch-sensei's classes. Don't ask. You aren't ready, with any luck you'll never be."

Huffing to himself, Pegasus quietly fluttered to the floor, gave everybody present a seen-it-all, flat and apathetic look, and walked past the immobile Bonta-kun and wide-eyed, perplexed Shirou to go noisily munch on an old, faded banner that had been fluttering behind Bonta-kun.

Rider turned around to face the others, still holding Ikari in her arms. "Who," she asked coldly, "is to blame for this villainy?"

Shirou, Sakura and Bonta-kun all pointed down at the knocked out Matou.

Rin facepalmed. "Guys, she's wearing a blindfold! She can't see your hands pointing down!"

"No," Rider said, tilting her head down towards Matou and baring her teeth, "but I can feel the vibrations of the air as they move their hands."

"Then how come you can't hear your Master's heartbeat?!" Rin exploded, wondering if other than Saber and herself, everybody else in this War was some sort of combination of wuss, idiot and insane.

"My Master's heart is not—" Rider then paused, placed her ear on Ikari's chest, and then jubilantly lifted him over her head. "HE LIVES!"

The fading light seemed to grow more intense and spirit-lifting as Sakura and Shirou slowly, half-heartedly clapped. Rin only facepalmed again as Bonta-kun gave her a pat or two on a shoulder. Pegasus simply rolled his eyes while keeping chewing.

Rider smiled contentedly as she gently hugged the sleeping Ikari. "In that case, I will be merciful and kill this miscreant quickly."

"What— No!" Shirou protested.

"Cool," Rin said

"I'll hold him stead for you," Sakura said.

"Fumo fumo fumoffu fumo." Bonta-kun said.

Rider addressed Bonta-kun. "Well, they may be my enemies and my Master's, but let us be honest, there is no reason to believe this filthy person would not attempt to harm Master sooner or later during their 'alliance'. Hence, I suppose I should be killing him off regardless."

"No argument from me," Rin said.

"Fumu fufu mofumofu," Bonta-kun said, nodding sagely.

"No! Killing is evil and wrong!" Emiya said.

"I'm evil," Rider matter of factly said.

"Now, now, Rider-san," said Sakura, who somehow felt this strangely alluring individual could be reasoned with and even trusted, as long as she kept her away from her man. "Just think of the poor, misguided but still salvageable life you will be truncating..."

Rin raised an eyebrow. "This guy's?"

Bonta-kun looked at Sakura like she was a crazy person.

"Of course not! I was talking about Monster-san," Sakura said. "Nee-san, she looks like a nice person who was only being forced to follow orders against her will. There's no way for us to stop this Servant from taking Matou-san's life—"

"You aren't even trying to!" Shirou pointed out.

"— but that doesn't mean Monster-san's life should be wasted along his. Maybe we should st— take his Command Seals away before the inevitable happens?"

Bonta-kun nodded vigorously. "Fumo fumo fumo fu. Fumoffu fu-fuu!"

"Nothing's inevitable, there's always a way!" Shirou said. "Seriously, Tohsaka, see? You're a bad influence on her! Issei was right after all, you have—!"

Rin silenced him with a gesture, then thought carefully as she rubbed her chin from one side to another and back again as she idly flipped the knife in her hands. Wait, when did she get a knife? Then she smiled and gave a thumbs up. "Okay, if you're so sure about that, I'll trust your instincts this time, Sakura! You're an awful judge of character when it comes to men, but you usually get women spot-on! Here, let me cut off his hand."

Rider nodded. "I might have reacted far too hastily. I hold no personal animosity of my own towards Monster, so you can take her Seals from him before I kill him for trying to take my seals from my Master."

Shirou waved his arms. "Are you guys even listening to yourselves?! In what world isn't that the most hypocritical—"

The women glared at him. "Completely different things!" they said at once while Pegasus sighed and shrugged his wings, and Shirou flinched under the combined glare. Even Rider seemed to be glaring. Somehow.

"Fumo-fumo fumoffu." Bonta-kun fumofu'ed. "Fu fu fumoffu fimoffu fu fumoffu. Fumoffu fumoffu fumoffu. Fu, fu, Mo, Mo mo fumoffu fumo-fu. Fumoffu fumoffu. Fu fu fumoffu fu. Fu, fumoffu? Fu-mo-mo, fumo fumoffu. Fumoffu."

And that was when the floor under them all but exploded up.

---

"Okay," Vigilante admitted, "you're definitely tougher than you look."

They'd been hitting each other brutally with everything they had, over the last few minutes, untile the point the floor under them had cracked and shattered everywhere, tiles crumpled into shards and dust. Monster had found Vigilante, despite his small size and weak appearance, had an incredibly high damage soak when truly driven, shrugging off direct hits of the mace only to keep on fighting through blows that would have shattered any man's skull in contact.

It was like fighting one of those 'cartoon characters' the Master would sometimes watch in his free time. Happy Tree Friends, she thought? No matter what, he just wouldn't die, and while his means of retaliation often looked ridiculous, now resorting to pull large objects seemingly out of nowhere and bashing her down with them, they hit just as hard and— was that an anvil he had on him now?

"Fall, fall already, will you?!" an exasperated Vigilante asked, slamming his shiny, black instrument down on her, only to be intercepted by the mace, electricity shooting through the metal surface and forcing him to drop the blunt tool aside, opening another large hole in the ground. Monster was, despite having a crap Master, surprisingly more resiliant than she looked, as he'd just remarked. He was himself resorting to one of his Noble Phantasms, the 'Let's Get Dangerous' invocation, to push himself past his limits, but he honestly wasn't sure how long he could keep it up.

Monster, as was evident now her fingers sank into another power socket in a wall, her body twitching slightly while crackling energy ran through her body, making impossible for him to touch her, had an alternate way of powering herself up, through absorbing electricity from the systems Matou had rewired into the tower. The whole observatory was her battery, and while he could try and sabotage the systems if he managed to buy himself enough breathing time, he wasn't sure he could do it that without endangering Rin and Sakura above.

Growling in frustration, he shot Monster with another gas pellet, only to have her batting it aside, and then charging back at him, with renewed vigor. Briefly becoming a blur, he hit her head with something she thought looked like a kitchen sink before following with a roundhouse kick to her chest. Now in close quarters, they went for all and simply resorted to exchange mutual blows, making even the shaky walls tremble. Hers was the edge in raw strenght, but he was faster, and thus they were actually sort of even.

Vigilante realized that, while each recharge left her with incredible boosts of augmented might, they passed quickly, perhaps because the rewiring of the building had been a rushed job and Matou wasn't that good an electricist. She lost steam quickly, and Vigilante smiled. "Gotcha," he said, redoubling his efforts, struggling to put her down before he would collapse himself.

Fine dust fell on them from the ceiling, or rather the next story's floor, which was creaking loudly and threatening to plummet on them any moment now. Monster noticed this first and clenched her teeth, grabbing Vigilante by his jacket and headbutting him to buy herself more room. Now she really regretted having sawed her tiara's horn off, since that might have decided the fight right then and there.

While Vigilante stumbled back, dazed, she rammed a hand into his suit, looking for something to use against him. It stood to reason, if his strange capacities were of a kind she couldn't duplicate, then one of his extra weapons would work the best against him, but—

"No... Not that!" Vigilante gasped as she randomly grabbed and pulled out a big, red capsule, holding it firmly in her hand. "That's... a Fire Bomb Pellet!"

Monster blinked, staring at the device in her hand, and then realized, without meaning to, she had squeezed it a bit too hard between her fingers while pulling out, as there were several fissures on its surface, and some of its red, warm contents were spilling on her palm, growing hotter by the moment...

"Oh oh," Vigilante gasped.

"Fire bad," Frankenstein's Monster said, a moment before the area where they stood, and several stories above them, blew up in a maelstrom of flames.

---

For a moment, after being shaken off her feet, Tohsaka Rin stayed quiet. She had landed with her face between Sakura's breasts, after all, and it always was warm and comfy there. She felt the urge to ask for cookies.

Then she willed herself back up, sternly reminding herself this wasn't the time and, stoically ignoring Sakura's long drawn out moan, she knelt on the floor that was slowly but surely coming apart right under them. "We've gotta leave. Now!" she said.

"I wholeheartedly agree," Rider said, hopping on Pegasus' back with the inert Ikari in her arms, "to a degree."

And she threw two dagger and chain weapons around Shirou and Rin's ankles, pinning them against the floor. "In what concerns to Master and I," she made clear. "You, on the other hand, are still enemy Masters and thus obstacles for our happiness, if not survival. My apologies, this is nothing personal."

"It sure feels personal!" Shirou cried.

"What the hell?!" Rin yelled, trying to pull the dagger that was keeping her stuck, then to unwrap the chain around her lower leg, and finding out she wasn't having any more success with it than Chachamaru had when she was pinned to that tree. From the way Shirou growled and angrily pulled at his own restrains, he wasn't faring any better either. "Damn it, Rider...!"

"Did I say anything bound us together other than having Matou for a common enemy?" Rider asked, while pulling on the bridle and forcing a reluctant-looking Pegasus to flap and gain more altitude. "I'm sorry if you misunderstood me. As for you, Sakura... right? You are no enemy of us, so you are advised to leave while you can..."

"Never! Not without them!" Sakura protested, also kneeling up to hug the still struggling Rin.

Rider sighed, even as she slammed two more dagger and chain combos on the dome and pulled on the, literally ripping apart enough of a section for them to make a tight escape out. The large chunk of concrete landed several feet away from the sisters and Shirou, and centimeters away from Matou's head, making the floor to tremble even further, almost sinking unto itself. "Blast it. I've missed him," Rider softly said before flying up and out with Pegasus and Shinji. "So be it then. I can respect the bond between devoted sisters, so Master and I will make sure to honor your graves properly..."

"D-Don't say that kind of stupid things, now!" Shirou barked, but they were already going up the hole into the starry sky, and then disappearing. "Damn it," he grumbled, while smoking began flowing up from between the cracks on the floor. Bringing along the deep smell of out of control fires with it. "Tohsaka, any ideas?"

"... I can't believe you're asking me that!" Rin shouted. "The Card, remember the godforsaken card!? Try and see if Saber's still alive so she can—!"

"On it, there's no need to shout," Shirou said, shaking his head as he applied his Pactio card to his forehead like Negi-sensei had taught him to. "You'll only end up making things worse..."

Then the nearest wall literally exploded from the outside, spraying small pulverized chunks everywhere, and in, valiantly, boldly, leapt Saber, heading directly towards... "Shirou!"

Sakura, for some reason, felt a great desire for Kool-Aid.

Emiya blinked as she quickly caught him in her arms, pulling him up from the floor and instantly snapping Rider's chains with minimal effort. "Wow, that was fast! I hadn't even—!"

"I was already on my way here," Saber said, making sure he was physically okay before feeling the floor giving up right under them. "And now," she said, in a very dry and stoic tone, "I am on my way down, as well."

With a final, loud crash, the floor broke apart and they plummeted.

"FUMOFFU!" Bonta-kun shouted.

"Nee-san!" Sakura screamed, trying to hold on to Rin but being pulled apart from her by the fall, despite of Rin's frantic attempts to catch her. Matou's unconscious form fell like a dead weight, but then something jumped up from the inferno, like a mostly white blur, and intercepted him. This blur, which was recognizable as a Monster with most of her wedding gown battle damaged and burnt as soon as she sank her mace on a wall to stop their way down, clinging tenaciously to the handle, then snapped her legs together to grab Sakura by the waist, securing her between her thighs. The purple haired girl and looked up at the Servant, whose bangs obscured most of her face, other than her unsmiling, fully unreadable chin area. "M-Monster...?!"

Saber, growling with the effort, let Shirou cling to her body as she reached down with a hand, catching Rin's before she could splatter against the fires raging below. With her other hand, she sank her blade into the wall opposite Monster's, hanging from her weapon with her rescued charges much like the other Servant was doing. "I've got you," she reassured them, voice firm and steady. "I won't let anything happen to you, I won't—"

"Vigilante!" Rin screamed, trying to get a look at what transpired under them, the lower floors of the observatory consumed quickly by the flames. Bonta-kun had slammed squarely into the middle of it all, but the incredible bulk of the robotic suit seemed to have saved its pilot's life, as he already was struggling to pull himself back up, although obviously hurt from the collision. Rin began tearing up, her lower lip trembling. "Oh my God, Vigilante, no, why—"

"Why what?" a curious voice asked from above her, and Rin's head snapped back up to see Vigilante standing on a window's ledge, just as bruised and half-charred as Monster but otherwise alive and kicking, while still holding his gasgun in one hand, a grappling hook line coming out of it and even now connected to what remained of the dome.

"Dammit, Vigilante! You and your stupid Disney Deaths!" Rin yelled, her tears of sorrow quickly replaced by ones born from anger. "How did you get up there in the first place?! I didn't see you zooming up past me!"

"Um, I totally saw him," Shirou piped in as Saber nodded stiffly. "But it's not like I can blame you, everything happened so fast, and there's smoke everywhere, so, cough cough..."

"Cough cough, and why didn't you catch me anyway?!" Rin was shaking her fist at her Servant now. "I could have died!"

"Saber already had you, so I thought..." Vigilante began.

"That's no excuse, no reason for you to stop doing your job!" Rin protested, right before a small piece of debris fell on her head and forced her into a lower pitched grunt. "Anyway, get us out of here now, before the main telescope falls and crushes us on the way down!"

"Can do," Vigilante nodded, using his rope to pull Rin to the window with himself, while Saber downright threw a yelping Shirou at them, the boy quickly clinging to the window's frame to save his life. The duck, in the meanwhile, looked at Monster, Sakura and Shinji, and blinked in surprise. "Monster? Why are you—?"

"Don't give her any ideas!" Rin hissed threateningly, taking a moment to give another look at the precariously hanging main telescope and the small section of reinforced floor still holding it in place. "Monster," she then told the enemy Servant, "I think we need to have a talk as soon as we're on safe ground, don't you think?"

Monster nodded quietly, and then swung her hips to expertly toss the shrieking Sakura into Rin's expecting arms.

"Thank you," Rin nodded, hugging her trembling sister tightly, as if to never let her go. "Now, if you think you can't make it here with your Master, you can just drop him, we will all understand..."

"Fumo fumo fumoffu!" Bonta-kun shouted his opinion on the subject from the first floor, as he limped to the front door and pushed it open, stumbling out like some sort of Bear Terminator Exoskeleton amidst a sea of flames.

Monster seemed to give that concept some serious thought, then flung Shinji's body into Shirou's arms. The redhead held the smaller boy against himself and then gestured for Monster. "Come with us if you want to live! There's no time!"

"Thank. You," Monster said. "This. Is. The most. Kind. Anyone's. Ever been. To me."

She made a small, sad smile, then pulled the mace back and allowed herself to drop all the way down.

---

Sakura sobbed as she sat on the grass a distance from the burning observatory. "That's... that's not fair..." she said, rubbing her eyes with the back of a hand. "I could tell she was a good person, after all... Why did she have to do that?"

Standing by Shirou's side with her gaze coolly focused on the crumbling building, Saber mused aloud, "Perhaps her soul was not in this War. If she truly was as humble and gentle as you make her to be, she wasn't a warrior and she couldn't be in peace with herself. Let us respect her wishes."

"How can you say—" Sakura began, but then deflated into a weary sigh. "Never mind. It's all my fault anyway. If I hadn't gone with... Matou-san, none of this would have happened, your lives wouldn't have been endangered, and Monster-san would still live on. I'm sorry, so sorry, everyone. And... thank you, Saber-san. For saving my sister and Sempai."

"Think nothing of it," Saber said, still looking intently into the flaming wreckage.

"Don't beat yourself up, Sakura, there's no point to it," Shirou said, crouching down by Bonta-kun and frowning at its pilot. "Hey, Sagara-san, don't you think you should get off that thing already, so we can tell how hurt you are? We can't take you to a hospital like that."

"Fumo fumo fumoffu. Fuuuu," Bonta-kun said, awkwardly reclined against a tree.

"I don't think he can take that thing off now, Emiya-kun," Rin observed. "Better use that thing to call Negi-sensei, so he can bring Konoe-san along. For all we know, that suit's the only thing keeping Sagara-kun alive."

"It's not called 'a thing', it's a cellphone," Emiya corrected as he pulled the thing out.

"Same difference," Rin waved the issue away. She put her hands on her hips and sighed, witnessing the destruction. "Abandoned area or not, the Headmaster'll be angry as hell over this. As soon as Konoe-san heals Sagara-kun, we'd better split and leave as fast as we can. You can move just fine, can't you, Vigilante?"

"Yep, yep, yep, thanks for asking," the duck groaned, cracking his back into place once more. "No thanks to that girl, however. She was a real fighter, gotta hand that to her. Don't you think she still could be—?"

Rin shrugged. "Who knows? Many Servants have survived worse. As long as the main telescope doesn't fall on her and the whole tower—"

Then she and her Servant cringed as the huge telescope on the top of the observatory finally collapsed and plummeted through the building, making it implode in a final, glorious blaze that lit the night up.

As soon as the ground stopped quaking and the rumblings of the devastation faded, Sakura could be heard crying even more loudly, with a sympathetic Shirou patting his back. "Yeah, we're fine otherwise, excuse me just a moment, Sensei," he spoke into his phone before warmly telling Sakura, "Now, now, have faith, won't you? Look!" he smiled, pointing at the hand of Shinji, who had been unceremoniously tossed aside minutes ago and now snored with a snot bubble coming out of his nose. "His Command Seals are still in place!"

"That means nothing in itself, Shirou," Saber said. "The demise of a Servant doesn't mean the Master's seals will vanish, for they will remain as long as the War is active and the Master retains a chance to gain another Servant."

Sakura began crying even louder. Shirou glared at Saber.

"... what?" Artoria asked, genuinely not getting why he'd be upset at her over serving some perfectly useful and accurate information.

Rin sighed. "It's okay to cry, Sakura. After all, the loss of an actual strong and serviceable Servant is a tragedy in itself. But you know what they say, only the good die young..."

"Who was it who said," Shirou mused aloud, "something like 'my Servant is a sleek, majestic, mysterious creature of the night who just happens to look like a duck'?"

"Shut up," Rin venomously warned.

"It's okay, Mr. Emiya," Vigilante magnanimously said. "I didn't need to be told that, I already knew she cared when I saw her crying about my supposed death..."

"Keep that up and there won't be anything 'supposed' about it!" Rin threatened, pointing at the seals on the back of her hand. Then she snorted. "Well, whaddya know. The telescope wasn't enough."

"Wh-What...?" Sakura babbled, lifting her face from Shirou's chest and looking back at the huge pile of smoking wreckage, from which a tiny, half broken figure was emerging slowly, with aching, torturous movements, supporting itself on a long pole with a massive bulbous end. Sakura's face beamed as she quickly turned away from Shirou and raced past Rin and Vigilante, towards the half-limping, half-dragging form that was walking away from the ruins. "Monster-san! Monster-san, that's you!"

Shirou raised an eyebrow. "Oh, just look at that. So she doesn't die even when she has a whole observatory tower dropped on her."

"Yeah, well," Rin said, "that's the mark of a true— You know, that's perfectly accurate and all, yet it sounded so dumb, and still, somehow I feel you have said something even dumber."

"I think you've inhaled too much smoke, Master," Vigilante opined.

---

Matou Shinji was starting to wake, much against his will, from a recurring dream of his. The one where Rider, popular singer Sairenji Haruna, actress Komiyama Airi, Net Idol Chiu and Queen of Seiyuus Megumi Reynard were wearing harem slave costumes and washing him off in a Turkish bath. He chuckled as he realized that wasn't happening yet, but soon it would, oh yes.

All he needed was to win the Holy Grail War, which would be a piece of cake as soon as he killed Tohsaka...

Wait. He hadn't killed Tohsaka yet!

Alarmed, he opened his eyes as wide as they would go, and found himself staring up at a duck who had his foot planted on his chest and was aiming a handgun at his head. Around them, there stood the Tohsakas, the ginger and his Servant, a still smoking Bonta-kun exoskeleton with a machinegun at the ready, and Monster of all people.

The older Tohsaka grinned demonically at him, her hands full of ominously shiny gems. "Why, welcome back, Matou-kun. Ready to start another round of conversation? I think we'd left at the part where we decided whether you parted ways with your Servant the easy way or the hard way."

Shinji gasped. "What, what are you talking about, we never debated—"

"We are now," Rin pressed on. "Now, Emiya-kun, Saber-san and your Servant here are vouching for the easy way. My sister, Sagara-kun and I are pushing for the hard way. Vigilante chose not to interfere either way. How convenient, then, we have right the person to split that vote, right here..."

Shinji whined pitifully and rolled his eyes back. "I fucking hate democracy!"

"Does this mean you're abstaining?" Rin said sweetly as she toyed with a knife.

---

"Hey, Chachamaru," Asuna casually greeted, walking up to the tree.

"How are you doing, Asuna-san?" Chachamaru politely asked, fully covered with adorable birds, squirrels and chipmunks all rubbing themselves against her. Most of them in a purely affectionate and innocent way, although… "I apologize over not bowing to you as usual, but it seems my mobility is impaired at the time being."

Asuna clucked her tongue, grasping the hilt of the dagger imbedded through the gynoid's head. "How many times do I have to tell you, you don't have to bow to me. We're equals," she reminded her, easily pulling the light but sharp weapon out of Chachamaru and curiously weighing it in her hand. It was surprisingly lighter than she'd expected, although still weighed far more than the crab girl from Ohtori. "Huh. And you couldn't take this thing off on your own?"

"Thank you so very much. It would seem it is under some sort of powerful wizardry," Chachamaru observed, making sure to bow for Asuna as deeply as she could, making the orange haired girl to groan. "I assume that was why they called you specifically. Tell me, please, is everybody safe and sound?"

"It seems a few people suffered some nasty bruises and stuff, but that's why Konoka came along too," Asuna shrugged, taking a thumb to the rather nasty opening in the middle of Chacha's face. "Hey, you sure you're okay with this? Can you see and think right? Wow, I can see straight through your head. I think we might have to make you an honorary Baka Ranger for that. You can be Baka Silver or something."

"No need for concern," the green haired girl said. "None of my rational thought processors were damaged, and the loss of sensory capacities was minimal. I'll be okay after a short tune-up from Mother. Who else came with you?"

"Only Negi, Konoka and Setsuna-san. It took a bit of convincing to get Chisame stay home, but Negi wanted to 'risk' as few of us as possible. You know him! As for Hakase, she was asleep, and Chisame chose not to wake her up yet."

"Good thinking," Karakuri nodded, well aware of how unruly and reckless her mother could get when she felt her prized achievement was threatened. Thank the Creator Mother didn't believe in she was such a heavy sleeper. After the pause, Chachamaru asked, looking at the smoking wreckage of the distant planetary, "Please do tell, did we win or lose the battle?"

"I'm still not sure this is our battle in any way…" Asuna pondered, "But I'd say the good guys won, more or less. That Sempai was rescued and looks like the guy who kidnapped her lost his Servant. I heard the one who attacked you got away with her Master, though."

"Was the beautiful winged horse hurt?" a concerned Chachamaru asked.

Asuna blinked. "What beautiful winged horse? Are you being serious?"

---

"Now," Konoka said, "let's see what do we have to work with her— OH MY GOD!," she cringed back after Setsuna pulled the last layer of metal off Sagara's torso, revealed a chest, shoulders, upper arms, abdomen, neck and face all covered on nasty, deep bruises, wounds and burns. Konoka had never seen anything like that before. She quickly reached for Setsuna's hand and tightly squeezed it.

Setsuna quietly squeezed back, and began whispering something for her dear Ojou, but Sagara spoke first, rather more steadily than they'd expected him to. "I'm... still operational and mobile. I only need to be taken to my apartment. Once there I'll communicate with acquaintances of mine who can provide the proper medical attendance as soon as you leave—"

"Leave you alone?!" Konoka gasped. "No way!" She gently pushed the boy, who had been struggling to sit up, back against the tree's trunk, while Setsuna helped him pull his lower arms and hands, just as damaged as the rest of him, out of the Bonta suit's sleeves. "Goodness, Sempai, you were cooked alive in this thing!"

"The suit was the only thing keeping me alive through the procedure. It is a valuable tool in urban warfare, despite the—" Then, while Setsuna tried to take the shreds of his white shirt off him so Konoka could have a better access to his upper body, he stopped her with a gesture when she tried tossing aside the thick pen in his breast pocket. "Please don't lose that, it is... a gift I'm not supposed to lose track of."

Setsuna looked at the slightly strange and bulky writing instrument in her hand, but only regarded it for a moment before quietly setting it aside. She wasn't sure it still could work after being exposed to so much heat and such a huge drop, but she knew this wasn't the time to discuss that either. "Ojou-sama?" she asked. "Are you sure... you can do this?"

Konoka forced herself to smile, nibbling on her own tongue, while taking a long breath in and readying her Artifact. "Of course I can, Setchan. Now relax and close your eyes, Sempai, I'll-heal-yoooouuuuuuuu."

For some reason, as he almost felt an unnatural, unexplained intense aura flowing around that perfectly average looking person, Sagara Sousuke, veteran of dozens of battle fields who had looked into death's eyes hundreds of times without blinking, felt moderately intimidated.

Not too far from them, Negi sighed as he took notes of the situation on the tablet Chisame had given him recently. Rin and Sakura only kept staring in perplexed confusion at the strange device. "Okay," the boy teacher tiredly said, "and then... you simply let Matou-san go away, after handing the Command Seals to you? I mean, I'm glad you didn't go for a... more permanent solution to that, but—"

"Blame Emiya-kun for that," Rin said. "I wanted to cut the bitch and kick his ass so hard shit came out of his nose."

"Deciding not to kill someone is not a 'blame' to be assigned!" Negi scolded, while Shirou nodded his agreement firmly in the background. "Anyway, I understand mindwiping him would be useless, since his family is one of Magi, but you should at least have waited for us before reaching a decision on the subject."

"With all due respect, Sensei, I remind you again this is a matter to be settled between Masters and Servants, and you are neither," Rin said.

Negi sighed. "And yet, we are useful to clear the consequences of your War away, of course." Before Rin could answer to that, he looked at Sakura and asked, "Tohsaka-san, how did that work anyway? I had been led to believe your family, somehow, had missed the genetic trait allowing two Masters in a single generation inherited from the Edefelts."

Sakura shrugged while absently rubbing the hand with her fresh seals on it. Monster hung in spirit form around her, all the better to regain energy and health. "That's a popular misconception. The Edelfelts possesses the ability to have to inheritors of the family thaumaturgical crest, not Masters. As to the other, I have no idea myself, but I never doubted it could be done. I suppose we can chalk it up on the power of believing in yourself!"

"I suppose we can chalk it up on the rumors of Great-Uncle fooling around with Great-Aunt and Great-Aunt being true after all," Rin snarkily countered. "And all Magi know you can transfer Command Seals around. What do you think we do with unused seals after a War?"

"Well," Sakura argued, "that's still the power of believing in yourself, right? It takes a very self-confident man to engage in a three-way with his sister and her wife." She said this with a bright smile and a rather predatory look in her eye as she glanced at Shiro and Negi before returning her gaze to Rin.

Negi blinked, then asked Shirou and Vigilante, "What are they trying to say?"

"He'll tell you when you're older," Vigilante said, pointing at Emiya.

"Eh!" Shirou gasped. "Why me?!"

"Well," the duck said, "I'll be long gone by then, won't I? Thank God..."

---

Matou Shinji staggered into his apartment, swearing under his breath and occasionally producing little whiny bitch sobs as he slammed the door closed behind him. It bounced on its frame and hit him in the ass, causing him to furiously turn around and do it again, hitting himself in the face as it bounced. He finally managed to get it to close properly on the fifth try.

In a single clean sweep, he'd lost everything. His Servant, his allies, his base of operations, his slaves. The Tohsakas and the Magus Killer's son had made a fool out of him and he'd gained nothing in return. Now, assuming he survived long enough to get out of Mahora, he'd have to return in shame and humiliated, yet another entry in the long list of failures of the Matou legacy.

That wasn't the worst part of it all, however. The worst part was Uncle wouldn't even be mad about his defeat. He'd only be mad about him threatening the Tohsakas.

He now regretted not trying to fuck Monster when he had the chance. At the very least, her mouth would have done.

"Fuckin'… bitches…" he gasped, realizing there was somebody else in his living room. It was a beautiful, dark skinned young woman, perhaps a bit younger than him, with exotic features that included short, wavy at the tips, purple hair and a red dot at the middle of her forehead. One of those things Indian women had, Shinji couldn't remember the name right now, his mind still ached too much and everything felt in a slight misty haze.

She wore an elegant, long, casual red dress with matching high heeled shoes and smiled sweetly at him, eyes low-lidded behind her large, round glasses. Sitting on her lap, since she sat at the head of Shinji's own table, a strange, freaky little animal who looked like a baby monkey with mouse ears munched noisily on a rice cracker.

"Welcome home, Matou-san," she gently told him. "I hope you don't mind the intrusion. To make up for it, Archer prepared dinner for you."

"Ar… cher…" Matou gasped aloud, his forehead producing a sudden stream of sweat while a tall, broad shouldered, tanned man in red and black, wearing a cute Piyo-Piyo apron over his clothes, walked out of his kitchen as if on cue, carrying a large tray in each hand. Shinji felt a suicidal urge to point and laugh like an American cartoon bully, but it was short lived. The Servant's hair was short and white as snow, and his expression stern and sharp. His cold eyes focusing on Shinji with fierce, hostile determination. Shinji felt his knees wobbling under him, and his eyes almost watering.

He'd been expecting a quick betrayal from Ikari and Rider as soon as he stopped being useful to them, but he'd made sure to place seals and wards all around his place as to prevent them from ever entering his temporary home without his say-so (Rider had found it all 'cute'. Also 'hilarious'). Same thing for any Magi who noticed the arrival of a Matou in Mahora and decided to strike preemptively (Konoemon had found that 'adorable'. Also 'precocious'). Even so, he'd only returned to gather a few absolutely necessary things before bolting over to the church for sanctuary (Kirei would likely have found that 'smirkable'. Also, since Father Garterbelt was around, 'buttfuck bait'). This event that was happening to him right now was something he had honestly (read: with great arrogant delusion) hoped (read: stupidly expected) would never come to pass.

"Please sit down, Matou-san," the man said, his voice imposing and quietly threatening, as he gently placed the trays on the table. "I really don't like it when the food gets cold. I hope you like... seafood."

"I… I think I'm sick in my stomach right now…" Shinji confessed, before Archer simply reached over, grabbed him by his shirt, and roughly shoved him down on one of the chairs facing his Master's.

---

Now they sat on a rooftop, one belonging to one of the Naba Corporation's tallest Mahora skyscrapers, from where they could get a clear view of most of the still asleep city. Soon it would dawn, but right now, it was the proverbial darkest before the rising sun.

They sat on the edge, the boy letting a leg hang while hugging the other against his body, his chin resting on the knee. His eyes sad and distant once again. Even though Rider couldn't see them through her blindfold, she still could feel their melancholy.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, "I couldn't kill Saber."

"That's okay," Shinji quietly said. "Maybe it's best that way. God, we haven't even started killing yet, and I'm already so sick of it. Aren't you, Rider?"

She only nodded, unwilling to point out she had done far too much killing in her past.

"Now what?" she asked once it was evident her Master wouldn't talk again until she prodded him to. "Do you want to claim revenge on Matou?"

He shook his head. "Even if he's still alive, what's the point? One way or another, he must've lost his Servant. Let's... just forget about him, that's all he deserves. I'm more concerned about us. He was right on something, going back home won't help any. They'll still find and hunt us, to the ends of the world. And I may dislike Uncle, but I don't want to endanger him any more than strictly needed."

"I'm afraid I don't have a clear answer, Master," Rider shared. "The best we can hope for is all three Servants back there died, and—"

Shinji ran a hand down his face. "Please don't say that. It... It sickens me, knowing we should wish for others' deaths like that."

"I apologize."

"D-Don't! I mean, I'm the one who should feel sorry, I'm a terrible Master, I dragged you into this on a whim, and now I'm criticizing you for being... well, what you have to be. Maybe you should look for another Master, one who is stronger and—"

She shook her head. "I don't wish for another Master. I'll gladly accept Fate's decree, Master. I'd still hope for victory, but even if defeat awaits me, I'd rather partake on it along you."

He sniffled, rubbing his nose with a fist. "Rider..."

"However," Rider said, very seriously, "now we can't count on Matou's hospitality anymore, we are going to need a place for you to stay until the outcome of this war, whatever it might be."

"That's right," the boy gloomily said, before reluctantly added, "I think an employee of my father's lives in this city. I'm not sure exactly what's she supposed to do, but I believe she officially handles his Mahora Wing of Research while he and Mother are overseas. It, it might work, going to her and asking her for a room, at least for a week or so. She's bound to ask about my current school status, but that can't be helped..."

He pulled a photo out of his traveling bag and looked at it with an apathetic frown. Before Rider, he'd fondly look at it, and at the generous cleavage of the depicted woman, supporting himself on it during many a lonely cold night under the futon covers. But after Rider, that just didn't compare anymore. He'd only brought the picture out of habit, but he'd never expect he'd have to resort to the address drunkenly scrawled under the image of the smiling dark haired woman leaning ahead and winking an eye while wearing a tight yellow top and Daisy Dukes.

Shin-chan: if you ever come to Mahora, call me and drop by!

"I think," he mused aloud, trying to remember the details of their sole encounter three years ago or so, when she'd handed him that memento, "her name's Katsuragi. I just hope she hasn't moved away..."

---

"I see. Thank you very much, Matou-san, you've been very helpful," Himemiya Anthy gave a sincere, beatific (TM) smile after he was done with his stammering, reduced to a pitiful wreck who sat with slumped shoulders and intermittent sobs. "However, I must ask one more thing."

"Please... no more," Shinji begged, bringing his trembling hands together, Archer's shadow still looming over him from behind. It wasn't that the man had touched Shinji yet, or even spoken to him since Shinji had started his uneasy explanation on the reasons behind his current situation, but somehow that made it all even worse. It was that feeling of long-restrained dread, the implication that he was stopping himself only to have even more to unleash upon Shinji at the end of it all.

That terrified Shinji. Never before had he been so scared of anything or anyone! Well, except that time he nearly fell in the 'Happiness Worm' pit. He sometimes still felt the need to wear a cup over his butt when he slept.

"It's just a simple question, Matou-san," Anthy gently said, blinking as she daintily put her cup of tea down. "Why have you barely touched your meal? Aren't you feeling well? It'd be a shame, letting it go to waste after Archer put so much effort into it..."

"Please, have mercy, just let me go!" Shinji cried, bashing his intertwined hands on the table desperately. "I told you everything, I'm no threat to you anymore! It's the Tohsakas you should be aiming for now, if, if you want I can take you to them, I—!"

"Why would we need you for that?" the Servant asked, with that deep, dangerous voice of his that almost made Shinji wet his pants. "All this time, we've known where they live. We could find you in less than two nights after your arrival, why shouldn't we know where to find two people who have lived here for years? They're in the phone book, for crying out loud."

"Then, then why didn't you go to, to—" Shinji blabbered as Archer sighed irritably, reached past him, and grabbed the mostly untouched plate set before the boy.

"Never mind, I'll just wrap it so you can take it to the church. Maybe you'll have a better appetite while there," the white haired man grumbled, pulling the plate back from the stunned Shinji. And then he looked at his Master. "Unless there's been another change of plans? Please say there has."

While Shinji gulped loudly, Anthy shook her head, petting Chu-Chu almost absently. "I'm afraid not, Archer. That's something my husband wouldn't like at all. You can go now, Matou-san. But please be quick, before we change our mind. These days, it's getting harder to remember how my husband would have acted in any given situation. Must be the distance from Ohtori."

"Ah, ah?" Shinji gasped, not understanding at all.

Archer grabbed him by the collar and easily pulled him up from his chair. "Do you need it spelled out? Hurry for your sanctuary while you still can. And once there... well, you'd better not peek out again for a month or so. If you're still alive by then."

"But, but this is my house! I mean, it's rented, but all the same, I have stuff here, so many—!"

Archer all but flung him towards the room's door. Then he seemingly pulled a short blade from each sleeve, one mostly white, the other mostly black, holding them up for effect. "Matou-san, a good man learns to how live with few belongings. These are mine. Get the hint already."

Shinji's voice reached a new pitch, and then he bolted out, running away for his dear life.

Anthy gave her Servant a quiet and bland but also mildly disapproving glare. "You lied to him. Those are far from being your only belongings."

He smiled while sheathing the short swords back. "I also lied when I implied I was a good man."

"So, what will we do now?" she mused aloud, far too casual for Archer's full comfort. "Are you, at last, feeling like paying Tohsaka-san a social visit? I believe you owe her that much."

Archer looked aside, through the window, and at the quickly retreating boy below who madly raced across the campus, towards the distant church, surrounded by the darkness before dawn. For some reason he already had a pack of dogs chasing him. Wow, he was fast.

"I suppose," the tall man finally said, somber and reluctant but just as firm as ever, "I can't stall forever."

No matter how much he wanted to.

---

Epilogue.

Sagara Sousuke woke up with a start. That was the first thing that clued him in.

The next thing was he had no memory of what had transpired during the last evening, and how he got into bed that night. Normally, the subjects (some would call them victims) of magical mindwipe would instinctively react to such holes in their memories with a conditioned acceptance and rationalization, most often blamed on exhaustion or use of certain substances ranging from excessive sugar or hard drugs to excessive masturbating or accidental exposure to the text of Twilight, but Sagara's mind didn't work like the rest of our minds do. Some people who knew him sometimes wondered if it worked at all.

Not remembering doing his nocturnal rounds around the apartment of Tokiwa Kyoko and Chidori Kaname, he instantly went over to check on the records of the hidden surveillance cameras he had planted in their living quarters and surrounding them, and he actually breathed easier when he realized nothing had happened to Tokiwa during his unexplained absence. Or even to Chidori-san, even if he didn't truly realize that had grown into an actual secondary concern for him over the months of his stay at Mahora. After all, it wasn't like he liked her or anything, it was merely the mission! Hmph!

Sargeant Major Mao would grind him alive over this lapse in his mission, and he couldn't fault her. Still, that was no concern for the time being. What mattered the most right now was determining the cause behind said lapse, as to avoid a repeat of it.

Walking away from his surveillance screens just as Kyoko and Chidori entered the shower together, which further proved he was not like most other boys, he examined his belongings, took a hold of his thick special pen, frowned at it thoughtfully, and snapped it open, revealing the small pendrive unit hidden within it. He marched over to his computer, connected the unit it, and began listening to the audio records of the last twelve hours.

As he listened on, he began nodding quietly, his expression never changing at all. He never gave any impression of surprise or confusion, even when he barely understood what he was hearing, and could gather little but deducing that Matou Shinji needed to be swiftly dealt with, and he would have to perform further research on the Tohsaka family, one Emiya Shirou, and probably Female Junior High Class 3-A. Tatsumiya Mana's class. Perhaps there was some truth about all the absurd rumors on the subject Kyoko would ocassionally relate, after all.

"I see..." the boy soldier mused to himself, while the dawn's earliest lights came over Mahora.

The war never ceased. This was just another battlefield.

---

Next: Magical Ruby.

---

TAIGA DOJOOOOOO!

"Who are you?" Taiga asked, squinting at the young blonde girl in the sports uniform.

Once again, she awkwardly pulled her white shirt down to try and cover as much of her bloomers as possible before saying, "Um, I'm Alice, pleased to meet you..."

"You're Nursery Rhyme?" Taiga said in a suspicious tone. "You don't look like Nursery Rhyme to me, and I know my lore! She said she'd be sticking to a single human form to honor her Master, and you aren't that form, and you aren't that Master either!"

"I don't know what you are talking about, Ma'am," Alice said. "I'm Professor Negi's fiancee..."

"Another one?! W-Wait, what happened to his cousin?"

Alice nodded sadly. "Indeed, it is a burden, to know my husband-to-be is beset with so many other women after his hand in marriage. But since he took my first kiss away, I cannot return home until he has restored my honor..."

Taiga groaned, rubbing a hand in circles over her forehead. "That boy, honestly... Wait, what happened to Mikan-chan? She was supposed to be my student and assistant after Negi-sensei bolted out on me!"

"Oh, the girl with the pineapple-like hairstyle? Mister Yuuki told me she wouldn't be coming anymore, and Miss Haruna then asked me to take her place. Seeing this is a chance to reaffirm my existence in this universe while my own story is on hiatus, and how the alternative was dragging my fiance here dressed in women's clothing, I had to accept..."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Taiga confessed, "but one willing student is better than a reluctant one, so I'll consider it a trade up for the best. Well, just look at that, clearing up that misunderstanding already ate all our screentime for this week! We'll have to do today's session in the next chapter! See you then, everybody!"

"Um... Professor? What are we supposed to do here exactly?"

"Oh, that's easy. We're here to instruct everyone on what to do or not to do through this story. We help them avoid Bad Ends, we hand them useful tips and juicy bits of extra information, sometimes we'll inform them of the backstage happenings behind the creative process. That sort of thing."

"I see... That sounds useful indeed. Maybe if we had an added attraction like that, then my fanfiction wouldn't have died out like it did... or maybe it's just I brought it misfortune... I only hope that's not the case here, too..."

Taiga blinked, then gave the screen a wide-eyed, concern look. "There'll be a next chapter of this, right? This time you'll be taking us the whole way to the end, right? This won't be a—"

---

BAD END.

---

"DAMMIT! Don't even joke about that, you lazy, aimless hack of a writer!" the Tiger of Mahora roared.