Chapter 10

Later that evening after dinner, Kate was relieved to see that her mother's coloring was almost back to what it had been before her illness. She seemed cheerful and talkative - both good signs.

Jarrod, on the other hand, was acting odd. His scrutiny of Kate had not wavered since she got back from playing with Lucky. He'd been watching her, studying her. She wasn't sure she liked the extra attention.

He crooked his finger at her and walked through the French doors onto the balcony just off of the parlor, without so much as a backward glance to see if she followed. Of course, she would follow. And it irked her that he knew. Maybe she would now find out what was on his mind.

Jarrod was leaning against the railing, looking out at the beautiful yard at the back of the house. The flowers that had been planted there were in full bloom and delivered their wonderful fragrance.

Kate moved to the rail a few feet away from where he stood. She watched his profile for a moment. He shook his head, but didn't turn to her. Did he know she was there? She was about to clear her throat to announce her presence when he spoke.

"Your mother was right," he said, then turned to her.

"Right about what?"

"You talk as if you are in love, at least when I'm not around, but you don't act it. You say the right things, but you don't do them."

Kate stared at him. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Did you ever hear the saying, 'Actions speak louder than words'?" She nodded. "Honey, if your actions are saying anything it's, 'he's got the plague.' It's as if you are trying to stay away from me."

She followed his pointed gaze and took in the distance she had unconsciously put between them. She could just imaging his reaction if she explained that it was just too hard to think straight when he was so near. "What am I supposed to do, jump in your lap?"

"It wouldn't hurt."

Kate's mouth fell open and when he laughed, she clamped it shut. He didn't really expect her to sit...sit in his lap. She was having a hard enough time keeping what was real and what was not straight in her own head. "You can't really expect me to...I mean, I couldn't...Mr. Barkley-"

"That's it!" He slapped his palm to his forehead. "I've been wracking my brain to figure it out." He removed his hand from his head and pointed at her. "You called me Mr. Barkley."

She could see by his expression that he had received some great revelation that she was not privy to, which pushed her beyond confusion. "Of course I called you Mr. Barkley. That is your name."

"Every time you talk to me you sound like you are addressing your boss."

"I am."

"No. I'm supposed to be your husband, whom you love and adore. Not someone you are afraid to ask for a raise."

Love and adore? She swallowed hard. Already her feelings for him had doubled, no quadrupled. She had to keep her distance or give away her feelings.

She latched onto the one safe thing he had said. "I'm not afraid to ask for a raise."

He raised his eyebrows in challenge and folded his arms across his chest. "Then ask."

"May I have a raise?" She tossed the question out without hesitation. Of course he'd say no.

"How much?"

"What?"

"How much of a raise do you want?"

He was being ridiculous. Well, fine, she could be ridiculous too. "Fifty dollars." She smiled. "A week."

"Why do you think you deserve a fifty dollar a week raise?"

Enough was enough. "I suppose I don't. So, let's just drop it."

"Let's not. I'm interested in what you think your assets are."

Assets?

He must have realized how that sounded and quickly added, "In regard to being my secretary, that is."

She licked her lips and took a breath. "I've been working for you for over six months. I've come in early and stayed late. I've worked evenings and weekends without complaining. The only time I've taken off was to go and be with my mother when she was ill and then the time you've given me to be with her here. And..."

I think I'm falling in love with you.

"And..." he prodded.

She swallowed hard around the sudden lump in her throat. "I think..."

He held her gaze and something flickered deep in the depths of his eyes. He took a step toward her. "You think...?"

Another step closer. Now she could feel his breath on her face. Her throat went dry, her head was spinning. Oh, help...

"You think you're..." His hand slid along the railing, coming to rest beside her arm. She could feel the warmth of his skin where it rested against her.

Think, Kate! For the love of Pete, think of something to say! "I think I'm...worth more! Yes, I'm worth more than I'm getting paid." She shook her head and blinked. "Worth far more...than I'm getting now - getting paid now."

His easy smile returned. "Done."

Katelyn's mouth opened. "You can't be serious."

He gave her a nod. "I agree with your reasoning. You are a valuable employee. You have just successfully negotiated a raise, one of the hardest things for an employee to do. Now, can you relax around me?"

"I can't accept that, Mr. Barkley. You've done so much for me." She noticed he was shaking his head but continued anyway. "I appreciate everything you've done, really I do." She couldn't stand it any longer. "Why are you shaking your head? Don't you believe me?" She was a known liar to him, so why should he believe her?

"You called me Mr. Barkley again."

Katelyn let out a heavy sigh. "Well, that's who you are. At least, that's how I think of you." How I have to think of you if I'm going to survive this whole thing! "I know you are supposed to be my husband." She felt a little twinge inside when she said my husband. He would make a wonderful husband. "But you're not."

The words came out flat and depressed and she hoped he didn't notice. Thankfully, he just nodded his head.

"True enough, but you can't keep treating me like your boss when we're with your mom. You're stiff and formal. You either have to fess up now or play this to the end and make it look real. I'm just trying to help you."

But he was her boss. "What exactly did my mother say to you?"

"She thinks you came into this marriage without being in love. That you did it for her."

"I did do it for her! Not that I really did anything. I mean, we're not married, right? So I didn't actually do anything."

Except lie. Big time.

She let out a frustrated huff. "But whatever it is I did, I did for her."

"And you act like it. Your mother thinks this is a one-sided relationship-"

"It's not any kind of relationship at all!"

His expression was patient. "I know that, and you know that, but for now, your mother doesn't know that. And I'm sure you don't want your mother to feel guilty for pressuring you to marry someone you didn't love. You care for her too much for that. I think you would probably give up everything for her." The last statement was said with compassion and his look was tender. "Think back to the first time you were in love."

"This is the first time!" She stopped, horrified. How had she let that come out? She scrambled to explain her words away before he could do or say anything that would make her humiliation total. "What I mean is, this is the first serious relationship I've ever had. Or supposedly had. Oh, you know what I mean!"

She risked a peek at his face and saw he was just watching her, considering her words. Please don't let him realize what I said was the truth.

Because it was. She'd never been in love before. Not even once. She'd had crushes from time to time, but never felt she'd met a man she loved. Really loved. As in forever.

Except maybe now.

Why did Jarrod have to be so nice about everything? Why did he have to be so wonderful and caring and beguiling? She should have chosen someone she didn't even like. Someone who made her skin crawl.

Then her heart wouldn't have to break when this was all over.

His silence unnerved her. She couldn't quite read his expression. A little smile curved up the corners of his mouth. Was he pleased? Or could he be laughing at her?

"Have you ever pretended to be someone else. Perhaps in a school play?"

She shook her head.

His soothing voice probed further. "Never played dress up? Didn't you do anything fun as a child?"

"I suppose when I was real young. After my dad died, I mostly helped Mother with the housework. She wouldn't let me get a job when I was older because she didn't want my grades to suffer. So I worked extra hard to please her."

He studied her in silence. When he spoke, his voice was low. "It's hard for you to lie to your mother, isn't it?"

She nodded. "I'm not very good at it."

"Neither am I. Believe it or not, this is all a first time for me as well." His eyes grew serious. "All of it."

She frowned. What was he saying? Before she could think it through, he went on.

"But I do know this much, if you are ever going to play a part, you should try to be believable."

"I can't make this believable..."She was too close to the edge as it was, too close to letting her heart get the best of her.

"I realize pretending to love me isn't easy-"

She glanced at him quickly. Was he offended?

"But I'd like to think it's not impossible."

"Well, of course not-"

"Just think of it as a game. You are acting out a part."

"I'm not sure how."

"For starters, take my hand." He held out his hand.

She looked from it to his expression . Was he serious?

"Kate, are we or are we not supposed to be happily married?" He waited for her to nod. "Then act like you're in love. Newlyweds touch and hold hands and gaze into each other's eyes." His voice dropped to a low growl. "Like this."

Her breath caught in her throat. The look he gave her now bespoke of love and affection. So much so that it made her a bit dizzy. The man was good at this "game", as he called it. Could she play it as well? Without losing her heart in the process?

Too late, a small inner voice mocked. Ignoring it, she took a step toward him and wrapped her hand around his.

"See, that wasn't so bad. I don't bite." Jarrod's smile was pleased.

"How do you know I don't?" she said, turning up one side of her mouth. "You could be risking your very life."

"I'll take my chances." The reply was quiet and firm, and so full of conviction that she looked up in surprise.

He studied her face, and she felt caught by his searching. A cool breeze blew a strand of hair across her cheek. Jarrod closed the gap between them and reached up with his free hand to brush the wayward lock back behind her ear. His hand settled on the side of her neck as he continued to gaze at her. Her skin tingled at his touch. She forced herself to breathe.

What was he going to do now? He was so close he could...no, he wouldn't do that! He wouldn't kiss her. Maybe she should just kiss him...just to see what it would be like...just to prove she could play this game with the best of them.

He lowered his head, his eyes still on hers and touched his lips to hers with feather lightness. At least, she thought that's what happened. Either that or she reached up to kiss him...

She couldn't remember. But then, she was hardly capable of coherent thought at the moment. All she could do right now was float on the cloud of pure joy and pleasure of Jarrod's kiss...the feel of his lips on hers...the faint awareness that he was shifting slightly, drawing her closer-

The sound of a throat clearing behind them sent a shock through Katelyn and she jumped back and spun around.

"Perfect," Jarrod whispered in her ear as she leaned back against him. The pleasure of his voice was nothing though compared to the approval on her mother's face.

Jarrod wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and held her against him. "Hello, Mother," he said over Katelyn's shoulder.

Even though she couldn't see him, she could hear the smile in his voice. And she was embarrassed for being caught kissing him. But she knew she shouldn't be, so she tried to slough it off. But her legs felt like jelly and she needed a moment to get her strength back. She wasn't sure she could stand on her own and was grateful for the support of his arms around her.

"I'm sorry, Mother. We-we didn't mean to ignore you." Katelyn brushed an imaginary piece of dirt off of Jarrod's sleeve.

Her mother waved off the apology. "Don't worry about me. I'm glad to see you kids having fun. I just want to say good night. I'm a little tired, so I'm going to bed."

"We're going to turn in soon as well." Jarrod nuzzled against Katelyn's hair.

She closed her eyes at the contact. If only she could stay there, leaning against his strength and warmth, his arms securely around her, brushing his lips against her hair. But as soon as her mother was gone, he released her and stepped away, moving back inside. Katelyn stood at the railing, her hands clenched the metal fiercely, struggling to get her rolling emotions under control.

Play the game, he'd said. Well, she had. And suddenly he was acting as though the touch of her burned him and he couldn't wait to get away from her.

She waited a few more minutes hoping he would come back and say something encouraging or invite her inside. But he never came.

She wandered in and found him in the bedroom, the door conspicuously open. His dark hair looked mussed like he had combed it with his hands. He looked at her and frowned when she closed the door. Was he mad at her? What had she done?

He brushed past her without really touching her on his way to the door. He grabbed the knob.

Why was he leaving so suddenly? She knew her mother couldn't possibly be asleep yet. What if she heard him leave. "What - Where-"

He turned and looked at her, drawing a deep breath. "I'll slip out quietly. She'll never know I've left." His voice broke with huskiness.

He stared at her for a moment longer, then reached up to caress her cheek with the delicateness of a butterfly's wing. She sighed. He wasn't mad at her. His touch told her as much.

Then he was gone.

She readied herself for bed in a daze, then lay awake for a long time, feeling his caress and replaying his kiss. It might be the only time he kissed her and she wanted to cherish it. When it was all over, at least she would have some sweet memories.

Jarrod carefully latched the door so as not to make any noise, then sagged against it and raked his hand through his hair. He made it. He got out of there before he gave into the temptation and wrapped Katelyn in his arms and kissed her - really kissed her. With all the passion and emotion raging through him...emotions that had exploded into life when his lips met hers.

He had thought kissing her would remove the mystique. It had only intensified it. And it hadn't been enough. Not by a long shot. He wanted to kiss her again and again. Did he want to play this game without losing his heart? Did he even want to try to hold on to his heart? Or was it already hers?