Chapter 11 - Arc 1 (Melemele Island) Arceus, Forgive Me
Gladion truly had no idea just how thin the walls of that motel were until that morning. He awoke to the sound of a high-pitched squeal, followed by almost manic laughter. At first, he thought to merely ignore it—it wasn't like that motel was the perfect image of safety—but his Riolu, Vitalis, scrabbled at the door and whined like his life depended on getting outside. His frantic attention to the door woke Null as well as Gladion's other pokémon, who quickly took interest in the door, too. Groaning, Gladion leapt out of bed, knowing that Null would need supervision now that he was awake if nothing else. His Sneasel, Zorua, and Porygon weren't exactly paragons of obedience, either, and he didn't trust that door against their combined forces.
Daring to peek through the tiny window in his motel room's door, he heard another shriek and more laughter, and saw a group of people converging on someone else. The details were difficult to make out from their obscuring, dark clothes as well as the occasional flurry of rain. Even so, he noticed a midday Lycanroc trotting around them, as well as a Crabrawler pounding the earth with its fists just a little beyond them. Gladion caught a glint of silver from between the gathered people in black and then they separated just enough for him to see that it was the same small girl from Po Town he had seen playing with a Sliggoo the day before. She was on her knees, caked from the waist down in mud, but the signature Skull Gang medal hung around her neck, the off-white hat pulled over her head, all enough for him to identify her even from this distance. Suddenly, the Lycanroc lunged at her, snapping fangs dangerously close to her face; she brought her hands up in front of her and squealed. The people in black just laughed, chattering away to one another in Alolan faster than Gladion could hope to keep up. He swore the Lycanroc laughed, too, as it barked in rapid, high-pitched succession, prancing around her trembling frame proudly.
Feeling a rush of anger and anticipation, Gladion scrambled to throw himself properly together, decidedly omitting his own Skull Gang apparel from his getup. He may not have wanted to feel that close to Skull, but the fact of the matter was, she was a young girl regardless of her allegiances. He knew what it was like to be at the mercy of vindictive adults and he was not about to leave her to them. She didn't deserve whatever they were about to do, whereas those men deserved a world of hurt for ganging up on her.
Recalling his pokémon, he flew out the door, forgetting to close it, and hollered at the gathered people. As they whipped around to look at him, he realized they were all men, native Alolan, looking to be no older than thirty at the most. Even that seemed like a stretch. One of them curled his lip at Gladion and spat at the ground. "You got somethin' to say?" he asked tauntingly, patting his chest in a clear indication that he was ready for a fight. Gladion wasn't sure why he would have done that… It wasn't like people tended to engage in fistfights that often when pokémon battles were available, and they clearly had at least the Lycanroc and the Crabrawler.
The little girl froze as she spotted Gladion, shivering between her adrenaline and the frigidity of the mud and rain, and swallowed anxiously. Gladion pursed his lips and scowled at the gathered men. "Yeah. It's called 'pick on someone your own size,'" Gladion growled. "Girl's no older than eight or nine. The hell are you doing attacking her? You're grown men. Get lost."
"Who are you s'posed to be?" another one of the men scoffed as his buddies laughed amongst themselves. "Missin' your chains, lowly Rockruff. Ain't you gotta wear your Skull colors? Show your nasty, heathen pride?"
"Who I am is, frankly, none of your goddamn business," Gladion spat as he crossed his arms.
He realized a little too late that his choice in language was pushing it too far. That word carried an entirely different connotation on these islands. Whereas Galarians or Unovans would have waved off its use as particularly vulgar slang, Alolans saw it as using the Tapus' names in vain, and coming from someone they believed had already forsaken them? He had just messed up, indeed.
The Lycanroc and Crabrawler turned their attention on him then, the former curling its lips into a cruel snarl, while the latter pummeled the earth uncomfortably close to his feet. The men shifted so they surrounded him instead of the little girl, moving in tandem like a school of prowling Basculin. "Say, when you say pick on someone our own size," the first man came again coldly, "did ya mean someone like you, homeboy?"
Tensing at that, Gladion cut his eyes at the girl. "Go!" he hissed. Why are you still here? "Get back to Po Town. Now!"
She lurched, then looked frozen again momentarily, before leaping to her feet and sprinting away, throwing up dirt in her wake. The Lycanroc abruptly veered away from Gladion and raced after her. Panicking, he reached for Null's Ultra Ball only to feel calloused hands latch onto his arms, the third man that hadn't spoken yet snatching it from his grasp. Wrestling against their hold, Gladion ultimately pulled them all into the mud in a writhing pile of arms and legs, unable to see—and frankly, not sure if he would have wanted to, anyway—if the little girl had been caught by the Lycanroc or not. He furiously kicked and thrashed, even going as far as to snap his teeth at one's ear that drew close to his face. His mind had cleaned itself of coherent thought and he was in sheer, plain survival mode.
"Get OFF of me!" Gladion howled when he found a moment to breathe, only to be met with a swift punch across his face for the remark. He wasn't sure if it was from one of the men or their Crabrawler. Stunned, he fell limp and more blows befell his abdomen and ribcage, each one furthering the length of his temporary paralysis. It wasn't long before he felt truly hopeless, curling into a ball against their blows, shuddering and praying it would end soon. Fleetingly, he wondered why they wouldn't have wanted to battle him instead of this, or why they had attacked him at all, why they had ganged up on the young girl; of course, he knew the answer. The deep-seated Alolan hatred for the Skull Gang. Before that day, he hadn't any idea just how pervasive and violent it could be. Above it all, though, he felt pathetic for having failed to defend himself so fantastically, because finding himself on the receiving end of blows was something he was familiar with. Sure, Lusamine's occasional slaps and strikes couldn't have held a candle to getting kicked around by three men and a Crabrawler, but the sheer inexplicable nature of her outbursts, the randomness of them, the exacerbated hatred in which she had regarded him following Lillie's leave, had made them just as traumatic, had made this almost impossible to bear.
He just wanted it to stop. To just stop. He loathed that feeling of helplessness. It was something he had raged against in his rebellious escape from Aether Paradise. It was why he hated Lillie so deeply. She had abandoned him to Lusamine and to the capital punishment his mother was more than capable of dishing out… Yet, just like always, instead of violently defending himself, he was curled in the fetal position, taking their beating like the sorry sob he was. He hoped the girl had managed to escape the Lycanroc. At least that would have made it somewhat worth it, even if he was doubting his decision to get involved on her behalf by that point.
He was coughing and spluttering against the mud desperately for air when he faintly heard someone bellow, "Savage Spin-Out!"
The repetitive pressures in his side left him suddenly, even though pain still spasmed throughout his abdomen as his body came to the realization it was over. Blinking fervently against the flash of green light that played out overhead and shock, Gladion slowly realized that the men, plus their Crabrawler, had been knocked away from him, wrapped in thick, silken threads, and were unconscious. Exhaustedly fighting the mud to stand up, Gladion heaved for breath against stinging, agonizing lungs as he nervously traced the threads to find their source. Standing just a few feet away with his shoulders arched and a familiar midday Lycanroc slung over one of them, the little girl at his hip, and his Golisopod towering next to him, Guzma had a blank, cold stare on his face. He grunted in acknowledgment to Gladion, then tossed the Lycanroc to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Normally, such a sight might have made Gladion cringe, but he found it didn't bother him that much then. That Lycanroc had been taught just as much prejudice as the men themselves had shown. Although it wasn't its fault, he couldn't help but feel a sense of righteousness, seeing it receive some retribution for its actions. It had been willing to maul a young girl, after all.
Stalking over to the fainted men and their Crabrawler, Guzma wrenched a hole open in the silken threads with a disgusting, wet crack!, retrieving Gladion's Ultra Ball. Without turning to look, he flicked the Poké Ball back at Gladion, who unceremoniously scrambled to catch it from midair before it hit the mud. With a kick to one of the downed men's crotches for good measure, Guzma spun around to face Gladion and huffed.
"Another rule," he grumbled, "keep a pokémon out around ya if you're gonna be pickin' fights and don't get close enough for people to grab ya." Gesturing to the downed men, he added, "See that? They ain't had a problem attackin' a little girl. What makes ya think ya can get close to 'em without 'em hurtin' you?"
Shaking his head tiredly, Gladion mumbled, "I don't know…" I really don't. I just… I didn't expect that at all… He surreptitiously rubbed his right side. He felt like he'd been hit by a truck rather than just kicked a few times. Then again, that felt like nothing compared to his wounded pride, to the rush of shame at having been beaten so easily, even with Null at his side. What would Guzma think, seeing him get beaten down so easily? As much as he wanted to rebel against Skull thanks to Plumeria's double-crossing nature he had seen the previous day, he hated the idea of being alone again even more.
As if picking up on his train of thought, Guzma snorted. "Don't look like 'at, chin up. Ya got jumped. Don't matter what pokémon you have on ya if ya don't remember to send 'em out before shit gets ugly." He cracked the slightest hint of a grin. "By the way, shitty form. Plumeria needs to teach you some methods of gettin' outta situations like that, 'cause I ain't always gonna be there to save your ass. You was lucky I was headin' outta Po Town and Lil'ua found me." He paused, crossing his arms, and then sighed. His expression softened as he eyed the little girl, still standing dubiously a little away from him. She looked lost, as if everything that had happened was too much to process. Gladion sharply looked away from her and Guzma, staring at his shoes, finding he didn't blame her. "But…" Guzma sighed, "I do wanna thank ya… Ya saw a Skull member in trouble and ya stepped in." There was another long, grim pause. "That's part o' what bein' in Skull means. Standin' up for one another. Ain't nobody got our backs out here but us. And you, Lil' Aether, can have our backs real good… Anyway, Lil'ua?"
Gladion unconsciously started to pluck at his hair with his right hand as he heard the little girl muster a trembling voice. "Guzma, ae?"
"Start talkin'," he heard Guzma bark, "where the hell is your Ma, and why the fuck was you out here alone?"
She floundered for a response, finally yelping, "W-was bored! Ma ain't at Po Town right now… Went to Akala few days ago…"
"And she ain't back?"
"No…"
"Figures…" Guzma muttered under his breath. "Still, you know fuckin' better," Guzma spat. Gladion heard the squelching of mud underfoot and winced as he accidentally wrenched one of the remaining locks of hair from the left side of his scalp. He snatched his right hand with his other, vice-gripping it to hold it down, quickly dropping the torn hair so Guzma would hopefully not question it. He wasn't so lucky, as the footsteps paused and Guzma shouted, "Lil' Aether?"
Gladion hated that nickname, and to be honest, he hated that defending that little girl had put him in that situation. In fact, he just hated his situation entirely! If his mother had simply kept her damn head screwed on straight, had Lillie not bolted the first chance she got from Aether, he wouldn't have been in such a situation to begin with! Had Lusamine simply let him study at school normally, he could have gone anywhere in the whole world to further his studies, to make something of himself, to just live a normal life with a normal family! But no! Instead, he was relegated to crawling on his belly to the deepest recesses of Alola to escape Aether's corrupted claws, with no family to his name aside from Null. The Skull Gang boasted of their familial nature, but he couldn't help but partially feel like he had escaped the frying pan and hunkered down in the oven; he had escaped Lusamine's brutality and bladed tongue, but now he would find himself at the mercy of shortsighted, angry Alolans, fueled by their belief in the Tapus and a prejudiced resentment for all those related to Skull. He almost contemptuously snorted. Yet, somehow, he felt safer there than he ever had at Aether…
"Gladion." Guzma sounded much more serious this time.
"What?" Gladion frustratedly answered him at last, arching his shoulders and practically hugging himself.
"You're bleedin' on your head. Better come in and let Makua take a look at 'at. Guy can work miracles, I tell ya. One o' my best, oldest friends."
He didn't know who Makua was and he didn't intend to find out. "No." Clutching Null's Ultra Ball tightly, Gladion abruptly turned on his heel and narrowly glared at his motel door, stomping his way back over to it. Plumeria had told him to head to Po Town that morning, but he had no desire to satisfy her request. He wanted to lock the doors, turn the pathetic TV that was lodged in the corner of his room on, raise the volume to an unreasonable amount, and forget the Skull Gang for the day. He supposed he wouldn't have any choice but to keep Null out from then on. If others were going to jump him for his relation to Skull and if they were going to assume they could beat him down if they didn't see him with a pokémon, then he'd make sure the first pokémon they saw was Null. If they were scared, fine. If they thought he was a monster, fine. If Null slashed the hell out of him on occasion, fine. He'd make it all fine.
Maybe one day he and Null could even get payback on all those who thought they could have kept him down. Maybe one day, he would make Lusamine beg him for mercy rather than the other way around, or maybe one day, Lillie would come crawling back for his assistance, and he'd leave her high and dry with no explanation just as she had left him. Sure, she didn't know just how bad things had gotten following her absence on Aether Paradise, but whose fault was that? Most certainly not his! Maybe—
Pressure on his shoulder. "Gladion," Guzma growled, "I'm serious, you're bleedin'—"
Wrenching out of his hold, Gladion pitched Null's Poké Ball and snarled, "Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!"
For a moment, Guzma and Gladion both stared at each other in equal shock, both panting to try and catch their breath, while Null started idly clawing at its bronze mask again. Despite all his anger and desire to look as fierce as possible, Gladion had no idea that his emerald eyes were stretched wide in fear, his nostrils flaring in survivalist panic, all body language Guzma seemed to recognize, given the way he winced and ran a hand through his thick, white hair. "Y'know," Guzma mumbled, "I thought I'da done you a favor to kick ya back to the streets and keep ya out of Skull. But… I can tell there's a lot more to ya than I know." Guzma pressed his lips to a hard line and glowered at Gladion. "I ain't got a clue what that rich bitch did to ya. But I been where you are before." He took a step back and held both hands up in surrender.
Curling his lip, Gladion hissed, "Whatever. The hell do you know about me?"
"Nothin' exact, but I don't need to. Go back to your motel. Keep that pokémon o' yours out from now on." Guzma suddenly smiled a little and snapped his fingers, his Golisopod cutting the threads between itself and the downed men and hobbling closer to its trainer. When it lowered its armored head next to him, Guzma stroked its head. "I didn't become the only one to ever evolve a Wimpod by keepin' it in a Poké Ball, that's for damn sure. Look out for your pokémon and it'll look out for you. I don't care what Aether did to that mutt o' yours. I'm sure it's the same."
He bristled at the use of the word mutt but managed to find the self-discipline to keep his mouth shut. Still, Gladion's right hand managed to snake back up to his hair and start plucking it free again. "Thanks," he tersely muttered. Now go away. Now go away and leave me alone.
Waving a hand at him, Guzma loudly sighed. "Go relax for a while. Ya earned it. Thanks for savin' Lil'ua. She's one o' the poor saps that was born into this mess. There're prob'ly some o' us that could deserve a good beatin' every now and then, but she ain't it."
Gladion didn't watch him gather Lil'ua and leave. Instead, he casted a final, nervous glance to the unconscious men, their Crabrawler, and Lycanroc, and then scurried back into his motel room, Null following at his heels. He anxiously inspected the inside before shutting and locking the door, realizing he had left it open before, though he found nothing amiss. He retreated to his bed immediately, mud and rainwater be damned, and Null leapt onto the mattress after him. He stared him down with gray, wanting eyes for a moment, before cocking his head to scratch sharp claws loudly against the helmet.
"We're going to find a way to do better," Gladion reassured him abruptly, his voice tense and heavy against the still air of the small room. With the traces of a dark grin, he added, "But before then, we're going to become the toughest there is. I will punish those that deserve it and let them know they can't ever put me down again… That they can't ever put us down again. Do you understand me, Null?"
Null paused his scratching briefly and uttered something of a mechanical grunt at him. Gladion wasn't sure what it meant, but it looked as if Null were curiously listening closer.
"Aether taught me a lot, Null," Gladion huffed, staring at his hands, feeling a cold, tingly sensation slowly work its way from his feet up. "Pokémon are often at the mercy of people and people do a lot of awful things given the opportunity. And those people don't get punished when their victims are silent." He looked up then and stared Null in the eyes. "Skull is violent and troubles challengers because they don't have a choice. Talking and doing it peacefully didn't work, if what Plumeria said was true." Even though I have a hard time trusting her after what she said… "I stole you and ran away from Aether because there were no other options." He broke into a wide, hungry grin, clenching his right hand into a fist in front of his face. Null reared away briefly, then lowered its upper body to the bed in a poised, battle stance, giving that eerie clanging noise that Gladion knew was its battle cry. Encouraged, Gladion sternly said, "We are enforcers, Null. We'll punish those that deserve it since nobody else will on these islands, and we'll save those who need it. I might not appreciate Plumeria tying me down to Skull, but I'm not going to let them own me. Nobody owns me. Nobody owns you. It's me and you, Null—forever and always!"
Null happily jumped on the bed, though when he landed, he immediately went back to scratching and pulling at the mask.
"And more than anything, one day, I will get that mask off you." Gladion licked his lips and practically bared his teeth. It might have disturbed him somewhat in the past, how much he lavished this vengeful ideology, but right then, it felt like heaven. Aether and Alola both could snake their curling fingers into him and try to pull him down, reach for his throat, hungry for his skin, but they would never succeed. He wouldn't let them close in on him, or Null, or anyone else that didn't deserve their fury… He dared to stroke Null's mask, bracing himself for a strike, though he was pleasantly surprised when it didn't come. "I will get that mask off you, Null. I swear… Even if I have to beat the method to do so out of Faba's stupid face."
Selene cocked her head curiously at the triangular, golden landmarks at either edge of the entrance to the Verdant Cavern. Captain Ilima was speaking, but her gaze had naturally wandered to those landmarks, and she had, admittedly, lost track of what he was saying. They had intricate, yet simplistic carvings etched into a pole, with two, angular projections on either side of it, while stone had been packed at the base to hold the landmarks up.
As if following her gaze, Captain Ilima laughed softly, drawing her attention back to him. She still found it eerie, the way his silvery eyes seemed to understand exactly what was going on around him, as if the film over them weren't there at all. Selene had thought to question him about it during their initial discussion, but had backed out of it in the end, a little nervous to question a Captain's appearance so bluntly. "Those are trial landmarks," Captain Ilima explained with a flick of the wrist toward one of them, "they help challengers locate trial sites in case they don't have someone to help guide them. They're impermanent since trial sites can change pretty rapidly depending on the Tapu's whims."
"Oh," Selene nodded slowly. "That makes sense… So, er… What did you say the trial was again…?" She flushed red embarrassedly and rubbed the back of her head. Hau, standing to her right, snickered. Elio was too lost whispering back and forth with Lillie to comment on the situation at hand, his Litten circling their feet impatiently. She wanted to roll her eyes at them. Although Lillie sniped at him with cold, biting remarks on occasion, they were practically thick as thieves already, as if Elio was somehow drawn to her bitter attitude. Selene didn't understand it.
"You'll go in and navigate to the deepest part of the cave," Captain Ilima patiently explained again, smiling at her gently. He seemed so kind and understanding. She supposed he had to be, given the way his mind had to work with the ability Tapu Koko had imparted on him… She wondered if he ever regretted his ability. He had sworn up and down during their first discussion that it had opened his eyes to a much larger world, one he didn't think he would have ever had the opportunity to see, without it, but she had to wonder if such an ability overwhelmed him at times… If it did, he certainly didn't show it. "There, you'll combat my Totem Gumshoos. He is a pokémon that was blessed by Tapu Koko, as much as I was… I'll admit, it makes me happy to see you three willing to take this Trial on together. The Totems are very difficult to fight alone, since they can call other wild pokémon to assist them. They are not to be taken lightly. Now…" He cleared his throat and straightened his back, his expression suddenly taking a much more austere turn. "Once you enter the Verdant Cavern, you will not be able to leave until you complete the trial, or you forfeit. If you forfeit, you will need to wait…" he trailed off and blinked, another light laugh breaking his severe look. "Well, normally, I'd say you would have to wait at least a day before trying it again, but if you do that, you won't need to attempt the trial again at all, since I won't be a Captain anymore… Anyway, my point is, you should be ready before entering because you cannot leave without forfeiting. Are all three of you ready?"
Selene and Hau both nodded vigorously, Selene's Rowlet clicking its beak in annoyance at her bouncing head. Snorting in amusement, she wondered why the pokémon insisted on standing there when it hated her moving her head so much… It was kind of endearing, as if he thought if he did it enough, she might be 'trained' to listen to his warnings. Anyway, when Elio failed to respond to Ilima's inquiry after a few seconds, Selene rolled her eyes and hissed, "Earth to Elio!"
"Huh?" He dumbly stared at her and then Captain Ilima for a moment, and then grinned nervously. "Ah, sorry… Yeah, I think I caught it all, and I'm ready, or whatever…"
Captain Ilima looked as if he were fighting off a smirk with the way he looked on Elio. "Very well then," he announced before turning on a heel to march into the cavern, throwing his arms out theatrically. "Let the Trial of the Verdant Cavern begin!" He was soon swallowed up by the shadowy entrance to the mossy cave.
"Do you get to come in and, uh, watch, or anything like that?" Selene heard Elio ask Lillie.
"Uh, no. Fairly sure pretty boy's Gumshoos would eat me for daring to bring my Island Challengeless arse inside," Lillie answered bluntly. Shrugging, she spotted a large boulder nearby and took a seat on that, crossing her legs innocently. She looked so sweet and harmless like that. Selene was a little alarmed by the flare of distrust she felt in her chest as she noticed that about Lillie, though… Ugh, she didn't like buying into the obvious social conditioning against those that didn't participate in the Island Challenge—she and Elio hadn't even wanted to initially, and Elio still probably didn't!—but something about Lillie was just… off. Something felt wrong about her. Selene just couldn't shake that feeling…
"Aw," Elio whined. "Well… oh, well." He snapped his fingers and made a show of fingerguns that made Selene want to drag him into the cavern, if for no reason than to get him to stop embarrassing himself. "Seeya later, then~"
Lillie snorted. "See you, Torchic."
Gaping back at her like a Magikarp out of water, Elio finally dramatically sputtered, "So rude!"
Groaning, Selene glanced to Hau. "Hey," she started gently, "he said all of that in Galarish… Did you catch it all?"
"Oh, heard before," Hau shrugged back at her. "No need." Eagerly bouncing from foot to foot, he set Popper down to the ground (he had been hugging the pokémon close to his chest again), then rushed off into the cavern. "C'mon!" he called over his shoulder, Popper scrambling after him a little unsteadily.
Forgetting all about her inhibitions, Selene darted after him, Elio shortly on her heels, leaving Lillie alone just outside of the Verdant Cavern. None of them thought anything about that, considering how fiercely Lillie had defended herself before, and so, none of them could have known just how frightening it was to Lillie…
…or just how frightening it should have been to her.
So, I'm gonna come clean - this story will probably end up rather long and monologue-y, and maybe lack momentum at times, because while I do have a general outline, Sun and Ultra Sun are BIG games and I just could not force myself to either replay them or sit through the 6+ hour long videos to make my outline. So, while I crafted my outline based on what I DID review and I DO remember a lot from the games (and have been consulting Bulbapedia on stuff I don't), I'll come out and say that this story is more for fun and probably more of an AU than an exact, faithful rendition of the titles. Like I said before, it does blend elements from the original Sun as well as the Ultra titles, so there's that, too, and of course, Lillie is massively different from her in-game representation, etc... Idk. Basically, I want to say, if it seems things are a little clunky at times, forgive me, I am sorry, I am doing my best whilealsobeingveryself-indulgentwiththesecharacters
I also have an announcement, but I have honestly typed it out so many times, I'd rather just link directly to the announcement post on Tumblr. Even if you don't have Tumblr, you should still be able to view this post. If you're on FFN Mobile, you can just copy and delete the spaces, but if you're on the desktop website you'll have to manually retype the link.
Anyway, here: tinyurlDOTcomSLASHpkmnretoldancmt
TL;DR: Real life is really, really bad and I may be getting saddled with a surprise 10,000+ dollar charge from my college which has apparently taken advantage of me during the coronavirus pandemic. I'm fighting to get the charges dropped but I can't guarantee it thanks to their rigged appeal system (college is George Mason University btw, all colleges suck and are designed to bleed you dry, but this one has been literal hell on Earth imo). That link talks about a P*treon (FFN censors this word), which I want to use as a sort of "tip jar" for fanfiction as well as fanart (I also offer commissions with higher tiers), with pledges starting at 5 dollars. Higher tiers offer commissions. There's also a link to a if you want to just tip or can't afford 5 dollars (I'm not making fun of anyone, I've been in a position where even 5 dollars was too much). I also do not expect everyone to rush to pay me or anything. I just am desperate and that is why I'm at this point. After August 24th, all my works will be posted to my P*treon 2 weeks prior to being posted to FFN, AO3, or Tumblr. So, while I will go inactive for 2 weeks starting August 24th, after that two weeks is up, you'll see me start to post regularly again.
I'm really sorry. I am just kind of at my wits end, but I am hoping that between this, me getting a job, and getting my health back on track, things might finally start looking up. And again, I understand everyone has it bad right now, and I do not EXPECT you guys to rush to pay me or anything, I'm just... a little desperate at this point.