Open Your Eyes

by someofthissomeofthat310

My take on what could happen if there's a season 3. *Summary inside because I don't want to take the chance of spoiling the second season for someone that hasn't seen it yet*

1. The Break

Open Your Eyes

Summary: My take on what could happen if there's a season 3. *Summary inside because I don't want to take the chance of spoiling the second season for someone that hasn't seen it yet*

A/N: This story will be ten chapters. My goal is to post a chapter every week. This is a direct continuation of the season 2 finale. There are major, major season 2 spoilers throughout this whole story, so if you haven't seen it, be aware of that.

I'm about to drop a theory in this author's note, so if you are not interested in trying to figure out where Victor is at the end of the season, I do not recommend that you keep reading.

Okay, so here's the thing. I know the writers have said that they don't even know where Victor is yet, but if that was the case, they really shouldn't have shown us Rahim's front door. Victor is 100% at Benji's house. Rahim's front door is black, surrounded by a white molding and then surrounded by brick and there's not a doorbell in sight. We get a pretty good look at the front of the house when Isabel drops him off after their 'day off'. Benji's front door (or maybe some side door) is that wooden one we see after Benji doesn't show up for school which is then surrounded by white brick, but beyond that is the grey color behind the doorbell. So, he's definitely at Benji's house. It's just a matter of whether he's having the I-can't-be-with-you conversation (which he should do BEFORE seeing Rahim no matter who his choice is) or the let's-work-this-out conversation.

In this story, I'm exploring the let's-work-this-out conversation. That being said, I adore Rahim (just not as a love interest for Victor), and I want to see him way more in season 3 even if Victor chooses Benji. If you are looking for a story that ships Rahim and Victor, I will not be offended if you choose not to read this.

Summary: After season 2. This is a direct continuation of the season 2 finale. There are major, major season 2 spoilers, so if you haven't seen it, I do not recommend you read this yet. Benji saw Victor and Rahim slow dancing, Lake and Lucy had a moment, Felix chose Pilar, and Armando chose Isabel. My take on what comes next.

~ Chapter 1: The Break ~

Victor's POV

"Hi," I said softly.

Benji looked stunned to see me. He hadn't changed after he left the wedding; all he'd done was take off his jacket. His face was red and splotchy and only seemed to stand out more in contrast with his dark shirt. My heart pounded in my chest as I took him in. I hated that I hurt him, even if it hadn't been intentional. Standing before me was proof of how broken we were right now, and I knew we were both to blame. I hoped that broken didn't mean irreparable.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"In August, you said you didn't think you could give up on me. Is that still true?" I questioned. I was as surprised by the question as he was. While I'd been running, I'd vaguely come up with a plan for this exact encounter, but I couldn't remember any of it. I just knew I owed him a huge apology and… I kind of felt like I was owed a huge apology as well.

"I… what? Victor, what's going on?"

"You walked away from us." My voice sounded way more accusatory than I meant it to. When I'd been able to picture myself with Benji, I'd fully intended to come here and offer up as many apologies as it would take for him to forgive me and give us a chance, but I thought part of me needed to hear that he wasn't trying to walk away from us and, instead, was trying to walk away from an unpleasant situation. I needed to hear that there was still something left to fight for between us.

He looked away from me. "You let me walk away."

I flinched because he was right. I ran after him when he saw me but I let him walk away. I'd barely made an effort to explain. "About what you saw…"

"I saw you with Rahim," he interrupted. "You can't tell me I was imagining that there was something there. I know you."

"I know. And I wish I could say it was nothing," I told him. In truth, I could still feel the slightest tingle where Rahim had kissed me. I didn't think it was going to be easy; Rahim was right that we had a connection, but when I pictured a future without Benji… it wasn't a future I wanted to live. I wished it hadn't taken Rahim for me to realize how special the thing I had with Benji was. "You were right. After you ran off, Rahim told me he likes me and… he kissed me." I didn't say it meant nothing because that would be a lie, and I wasn't going to lie to him.

Benji closed his eyes, but I could see the hurt that flashed across his face. When he spoke, his voice was even. "I think you should go."

"No," I said quietly. Benji looked at me startled. I didn't think I'd ever said 'no' to him before. "Because if I leave now, then I know we're done, and I'm not ready to say goodbye to you."

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Because I am in love with you, Benji. Not Rahim. When I close my eyes and picture all of the future things I want to do with a boyfriend like prom, and long-distance in college, and fumbling around with FaceTime sex…"

"What?" Benji asked. His eyebrows scrunched together.

"It was a whole thing Felix asked me to do." I took in his incredulous look and hastily clarified, "not the FaceTime sex, but to picture that future. When he asked me who I'd want to beat the odds with and who I wanted to wind up with, I saw you. I know something is a little broken between us right now, but I want to work on this. I want to figure out what went wrong with us and see if there's a way to move forward from this. It's not going to be easy, but can we try that? Can we try to fix this? Because you may have been ready to walk away from us, but I'm not."

"I'm not ready to walk away from this either, but how do we fix this? We fight about everything lately. We've both been taking jabs at each other and have said things we don't mean. Things we really regret saying. How do we come back from that?"

"We don't stop fighting." Benji raised his eyebrows at me. "I'm serious. Every single time we've fought over the last couple of months, one of us has walked away and then, instead of talking about it, we just had make-up sex."

"Really great make-up sex," Benji agreed.

"We are very good at it, but maybe we save the make-up sex until we've actually made up."

He looked at me with an unreadable expression. "If I close this door right now and decide that I think we're beyond saving, are you going to run off and be with Rahim?"

I took a minute to consider his question because part of me thought that that was exactly what I would do, but the moment the thought entered my mind, I felt slimy and gross. I realized if I ran off to Rahim, only part of me would show up at his door. Neither of us deserved that. "No," I answered honestly. "If you shut this door, I will be single." It was true. Even if this was the end of me and Benji, I was so far from being ready to be in a relationship with someone else. The very thought of being with anyone but Benji made me feel like I was hollow and empty. "If you break up with me, I won't be ready to be with someone new. Not for a long time. But I really hope that you're not breaking up with me because I think we can be really great."

He studied me for a minute, and I could see the exact moment that he believed me. "Okay. How do we do this?"

I frowned as I considered his question because I really had no idea. The point could be argued that Benji was my first real relationship. Mia and I had never really fought. There had been times I knew I pissed her off, but we never really talked about it. "What did you use to do after a fight with Derek?" I asked quietly.

"Honestly? What I do with you," he said. He looked out towards the street. "I guess you could say avoiding my problems until I reach a breaking point is kind of a pattern for me."

"So, we do the opposite," I suggested. "We talk about it. We air out all the dirty laundry. We both have things we're mad about, so let's put everything out there."

"Is that really a good idea?" he asked skeptically. "It seems like fighting about everything at once might end… badly."

"Wouldn't it be better to figure out now if there's something we can't work through?" I asked. "If there's something you can't forgive me for or you can't be okay with, we should know now."

"Or if there's something that's too much for you," he added.

"Yeah…" I chewed my lip.

"What?"

"Sometimes, when we talk, I feel like what I mean to say isn't what you hear. And I think the same happens to you," I said slowly. "If we're gonna do this, can we both promise that we'll hear the other out? That we won't just get mad and walk away."

"I can try," he agreed.

"So… Can I come in then?" I asked.

- . - . - . -

Lake's POV

"Can you believe that?" I slurred. Lucy and I had ended up in a stretch of grass that she called a park, but it was literally a big patch of grass without a walkway or a bench or anything you usually found in a park, so I thought calling it one was a leap. We'd polished off a little more than half a bottle of champagne so far and, despite how dejected I'd been when we first left the wedding, I found myself falling into a weird mood that oscillated between a mix of drunk, euphoric, hilarious, sad, and about a hundred other things.

"That you thought a creepy deep-sea fish was romantic?" she asked skeptically. She passed me the bottle of champagne, and I took a long sip. When we'd first gotten to the… 'park', I'd almost immediately dropped the glass she'd handed me and we decided to drink right from the bottle after that. We'd relocated far enough away from the glass shards that we weren't in danger of accidentally hurting ourselves in the dark. "No, that's actually really hard to believe because you look like you have good taste."

"It was so sweet though. It was like the fish bites its mate and…" I squinted. "I can't really remember everything, but it was really romantic coming from Felix. I thought he was always going to be my anglerfish. It was our origin story. The kind that I thought we'd tell our kids and grandkids about that would set an impossible bar for their own romantic lives."

"There are other fish in the sea. Pun intended. And there are probably some that won't immediately die on you and will swim with you instead," she suggested. Her words made shivers go down my back.

"Yeah. I just have to accept that my fish isn't Felix." I sighed. "But he was the greatest fish. He kept me afloat even when he was drowning. He taught me how to be in a relationship, taught me how to be a 'we' instead of just a 'me', made me feel like I was good enough the way I am. I sucked before I met him, and he made me better." I hastily wiped away my tears. "Sorry. I just really thought that he was the one."

"You must've really loved him."

"I did… I do. Oh, God. Am I so totally pathetic? I've been going on and on about Felix even though he wants nothing to do with me."

"It's okay. He just broke up with you… you know what? He didn't even officially break up with you. He just left you high and dry at a wedding. What a dick!"

I couldn't help my laugh. I probably would've defended Felix, but I was pretty sure she didn't mean it; she was under the disillusioned impression that Felix and I were somehow incompatible, but she knew he was a good guy. "No, we weren't back together yet. I guess him running away from me was a pretty big signal that he's just not that into me."

"Well, he's crazy," she said seriously. She held her hand out and I passed her the champagne. We'd been sitting side-by-side and facing each other since we got here. "I mean, you're easily one of the coolest girls I know."

"I think that's the champagne talking. But thanks," I told her. She passed me back the bottle.

"Why do you think it's the champagne?" she challenged.

"We don't really know each other. Isn't that a little bonkers?"

"Bonkers?" she asked. "Who uses words like bonkers?"

"Lake does. After half a bottle of champagne." I took a sip just to prove a point.

She snickered. "If we're talking in third person, Lucy thinks it might just about be time to cut ourselves off." I clutched the bottle closer to me. "As for why we don't know each other, you're right. I really only know what I've heard about you and what we talked about tonight. Why do you think that is? We've gone to school together since we were five."

"I don't know. I guess we just hung out with different people."

"I'm glad we're hanging out now."

"Me too. I was having a really, really bad night. But you've made it so much better."

"You did too," she admitted. I looked at her curiously. "Seeing Andrew and Mia together isn't easy. It was the right move to break up with him, but… it's still hard. Especially because he moved on so quickly."

"Do you think he should have waited?"

She looked thoughtful. "No. I think he loved Mia even when we were together. I'm happy that he's happy. I think it's more that… we never had that. We told each other 'I love you' but I don't think we actually meant it, and now he's clearly madly in love with someone."

"I didn't even think of that," I said softly. "You're in a pretty weird place with all of this, huh?"

"I guess." I passed her back the bottle, and she took a deep swig. "Did you ever feel like maybe you were the person for Felix but you weren't sure if he was the person for you?"

"Not really," I admitted. "I never had to think about it." I closed my eyes and pictured my relationship with Felix. "I don't know if I ever was his person. I think I spent the last six months trying to be his person because I knew that's what he deserved."

"Shit. That's deep," she said.

"Did you ever feel that way with Andrew?"

"I wanted things to work out with Andrew," she started. She fell back against the grass. After a moment, I laid by her side. "The sex with him was… amazing." She closed her eyes. "Like, wow. Amazing. He really knew what he was doing. But that's all there was between us. I wasn't jealous when I saw him with other girls, I didn't miss him when we were apart, I didn't feel like we could talk about anything. I actually felt like the less we talked, the better." She tried to take a sip of the champagne without sitting up and ended up spilling a bunch of it on herself. "I once listened to Victor and Benji go on about how much they missed each other when they were literally leaving each other for like two minutes to meet somewhere else. It was annoying, but it was sweet. I've never had that with anyone."

I thought about what she said. "I had that with Felix," I told her. "I used to miss him so much. Even leaving him to go to class made me miss him. And he lived in my head when we weren't together. It was like a part of my brain was him. But, this thing that got between us, it put distance between us even when we were together." I felt a tear slip down my cheek. I didn't bother to wipe it away. "I know that I did something that he specifically made me promise I wouldn't do, but it was the right thing to do. I did what needed to be done." I blinked several times, but the tears kept coming. "Sorry."

"It's okay. You love him. You get to be upset about this," she told me. Her hand found mine. She squeezed tightly, and I felt safe and comfortable with her. "Breakups suck."

"Amen."

She didn't let go of me as I lay there and fell to pieces.

- . - . - . -

Felix's POV

A raccoon jumped out from behind a trash can, startling us from our kiss. I let out a shriek that had Pilar doubled over with laughter. While she laughed, I put my hand over my chest and tried to calm my racing heart. I really couldn't tell if it was a side effect of our kiss or the raccoon that tried to give me a heart attack.

"It's not funny," my voice cracked.

"Sorry," Pilar gasped out. She glanced at me and started to laugh again. "You're right; it's not even that funny. You just look ridiculous."

"I look ridiculous?" I asked. I tried to find something to call her out on, but there was literally nothing. "Ugh. I can't even say anything because you're perfect."

That stopped her laughter. Ah, her aversion to being complimented would really come in handy. I had plenty to give out. "What changed? Just a few hours ago…"

"You thought about my mom," I told her. "The Swedish Fish."

"Okay… and?"

I needed a second because I could see that Pilar really didn't think that was a big deal. She didn't think about the fact that in this whole thing, she was one of the only people that had acted concerned for my mom and not just for me. To her, she'd done something insignificant without ever realizing how remarkable it really was.

I tried to think of how to explain to her that it wasn't nothing. I wasn't sure there were words adequate enough to describe it. "When I saw what you'd bought my mom, I got this image of you sitting on my couch playing Millionaire with me and my mom while we ate Swedish Fish out of a bowl on the coffee table," I told her. "I could see you throwing a fish at me when you get a question wrong because that has to happen eventually." A huge smile spread across her face. "I could see you being part of the family traditions I was too embarrassed to share with Lake. I can see you playing Settlers of Catan with me and my mom every Friday and pretending you hate it the whole time, but also being incredibly competitive about it and doing that thing you do when you want to be too cool for something but are secretly nerding out over it. I could see you and my mom having a friendship outside of me because you care about her even though you've never met her. I know it's weird…"

"And oddly specific," she said.

"Right. But, I want those things. Only if you do, of course," I added. "I don't mean to make assumptions. I totally get it if you don't want that."

"Felix?"

"Yeah?"

"You're doing that thing where you talk in a really weird accent when you get nervous," she told me.

"I don't have an accent." I frowned. "I hear it now. Have I always done that? That must be my Gaelic roots. Or maybe it's Irish. I can't tell."

Pilar laughed lightly before she put her hands on my shoulders. "For someone who's so smart, you can be really dumb." She stood on her toes and kissed me again. "There's no way I'm going to like Settlers of Catan."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You're going to love it. It's right up your alley. You get to work towards becoming king… or queen of Catan while screwing over the other players."

"Hmm. Screwing over other players sounds fun." She bit her lip. "Are you sure about this? I mean, you just ended things with Lake and you've got a lot going on…"

"I'm not sure of many things in my life right now. These last two weeks have been so overwhelming and scary and, to be blunt, one long nightmare. The only time I felt like I could handle it all was when we were together." I tucked her hair behind her ear so I could caress the side of her face. "I don't know if my mom will stay on her medicine or what might happen in the next few days or months or years. I don't know if she'll find a job so we can afford our rent. What I do know is when I didn't have anyone to talk to and I felt all alone, you were there. I know that I don't feel like I have to hide any part of myself or my life from you. I know that you are the most thoughtful person I know and that, while you try to hide it, you care more than any other person I know. So, no. I'm not sure of a lot of things, but I am sure of you."

When we kissed again, I completely lost myself in her.

- . - . - . -

Benji's POV

"Oh, right," I said, stepping aside so Victor could come in.

He stood in my foyer for a few seconds before he took off his suit jacket. His button-up underneath had huge sweat marks on it. He loosened his tie. "Sorry. I do not recommend running four and a half miles in a suit." He was really sweating and started to fan himself. "Whoa."

"You ran here?" I asked. I didn't hate running, but I couldn't wrap my head around running that far, much less in a suit.

"Yes."

"Do you need some water?"

He nodded. "Please."

I led him to the kitchen and poured him a glass of water. He gulped it down before he crouched down. "Are you okay?" I asked him concerned. The last thing we needed was for him to pass out from heatstroke or something. Was it even possible to get heatstroke when it was so cold outside? If he'd just run four and a half miles (and I was pretty sure I lived further than that from Mia), I doubted the cool air made much of a difference.

"Yeah. It's just catching up with me." He took deep breaths. "Do you have a towel or something?"

I passed him a paper towel and he wiped off his forehead. He definitely wasn't sweating this much just a minute ago. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure," he promised. It took him a minute to calm himself down but, when he stood back up, he looked so much better. "Ready to do this?"

I wasn't, but I knew that wasn't a good enough reason to put this off. I wordlessly started to climb the stairs to my bedroom, and I could hear the soft footsteps that told me he was following. When we got to my bedroom, I firmly shut and locked the door. Victor stood near my desk while I stood in front of my door. For a moment, we just stood there. I didn't think either of us really knew how to do this.

"I'm really sorry I told Rahim about your drinking." I wasn't expecting that to be where he started, but I guessed it made sense. That was the fight that started this whole thing.

I sat down on the edge of my bed. "Why did you?"

Victor sighed. "I was really freaked out about that whole situation. You blew off school, and you weren't answering my texts."

"So, it's my fault you told him," I said evenly.

"No! That's not what I'm saying!" He let out a frustrated growl. "This is what I mean. I feel like I keep sounding like an ass every time I try to talk to you. It's not your fault. It's definitely not your fault."

I took a deep breath. "So, what I'm hearing is that you told him because I wasn't talking to you. If that's not what you mean, then what is it?"

"I mean that I didn't understand what was happening," he explained. "This is all new to me and I don't want to make it worse. I was afraid that if I said the wrong thing to you, you would…" he trailed off and looked guilty.

"Drink?" I guessed. He nodded. "Victor, I have been doing this for a while. When I first started AA after my accident, I was having almost daily relapses. It has been a long, long time since I was in that place. I wish you would trust me."

"I really want to," he said desperately. "I want to trust you, but I don't understand this. You're the first person I've known that's going through something like this. Well, my dad's uncle's cousin something or other went to rehab once and it was the talk of my cousin's wedding, but I don't think that counts." He shook his head. "Sorry. Not the point." He looked deep in thought for a minute. "I don't know what I'm doing. The last thing I want to do or say is the wrong thing and somehow make this harder on you."

I felt like I kind of got what he was trying to say in that moment. "And I guess the fact that I didn't want to talk about it didn't help."

He looked at the floor. "Benji, I am so, so proud of you. Being sober is a huge deal, especially for a whole year, but when I had to find out about it from your mom… it really scared me. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything and that was the first time since we started dating that I realized there might be something you can't share with me. I guess, in my head, I just turned it into this big deal which wasn't fair to you. You're right that I have a habit of turning everything into something that we need to talk about and analyze. I just don't want you to have to hide part of yourself from me, no matter how much you might hate it. Because I love every part of you. Even the bad stuff."

I didn't want to smile, but a small one crept onto my face anyway. I let my head fall to the side as I looked at him. "Thanks."

"I am so sorry."

"I know you are, but it might take me a little while to be okay with the fact that you told Rahim. Did you tell anyone else? Felix? Or your family? Or Simon?"

"No. I promise. And I won't tell anybody else. I shouldn't have told him. This is your thing and-"

"Stop. I know you're sorry." I clasped my hands in front of me. I wasn't fully to blame, but I got where Victor was coming from. Heaven knew I'd talked to my friends and bandmates a ton about Victor's family situation, so I didn't know if I actually had grounds to be upset with him. I did believe he was sorry. "If you really want to know more about this, I might have a weird idea."

He looked at me eagerly. "I really want to understand this."

I nodded. "Give me one second." I stepped out of my bedroom and pulled out my phone. "Hey, do you have a minute?"

- . - . - . -

Mia's POV

"We'll be in Savannah in four hours," Andrew told me. He hadn't needed to tell me; I could see the ETA on the GPS built into my car just as well as he could. I thought he just wanted to fill the silence. "Unless you need to stop somewhere."

"No, I don't think so." My mind was on what was waiting for us in Savannah.

"Are you sure? Because you barely ate at the wedding and we're going to get to Savannah around midnight, so we're not going to be able to find her until the morning anyway," he pointed out.

"Are you just saying that because you barely ate at the wedding?"

"Yes, and I'm starving!" he said dramatically.

"Well, we got time," I said softly. "Pick a place." I doubted that I was going to eat anything, but Andrew was tagging along and had agreed to drive tonight because he didn't want me driving when I was quote-unquote spiraling because of my dad's betrayal, so I really didn't want to deny him dinner.

He ended up choosing Waffle House because it was nearly 10 by the time we stopped and it was the only place that was lit up.

"Have you thought about what you're going to say when you see her?" Andrew asked while we were waiting for our food.

I shook my head. "I don't even know if I'll be able to talk to her. Maybe I'll walk in and walk right out." I sighed. The idea of finally confronting my mom filled me with so much anxiety. "I have so much trouble picturing my mom working as a receptionist. It seems so… serious for her." When I'd looked up her email address, I was so sure I'd found the wrong company because she'd been such a free spirit my whole childhood. When I'd looked at the staff directory, I'd been able to find her name, so I guess something changed in the last five years.

"Maybe it means she's trying to change. She got that job, she reached out to you," Andrew pointed out.

"Maybe." I had a lot of trouble believing that, though. It was difficult to give the benefit of the doubt to someone that had literally walked away from her family without saying goodbye.

"Did you text your dad?"

"No. I left him a letter. I doubt he'll see it until Wednesday. He and Veronica are going on a mini honeymoon, so they're taking a long weekend. They planned to be back for Thanksgiving." My voice cracked because I honestly couldn't fathom how we were supposed to sit around a table crowded with food and pretend that we were a happy family.

Andrew reached across and grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. You are the last person that deserves this. Your dad is being a real dick."

I chuckled. Once upon a time, I would have defended my dad no matter what he'd done. I understood how important his work was to him, but I couldn't forgive him for filling me with hope that he'd chosen me and then ripping that away. I'd thought a lot of bad things about my dad, mostly about him being a workaholic, over the years, but I'd never thought he would do something like this. "Thanks. Am I crazy for trying this? For trying to find my mom before my dad moves us across the country."

He hesitated. "You're not crazy."

"Then what's that look?" I asked.

"I just hope you're doing this for the right reasons. I know that your dad messed up big time, but are you really ready to find out why your mom really left?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. "I need to know; I deserve to get closure."

"And you're not doing this because you think your mom might have a feat of divine intervention and realize that she wants to be your mom again, right?" he confirmed. "This isn't your attempt to get her to live in Atlanta with you?"

I frowned; I forgot how perceptive Andrew could be sometimes. When I'd first had this idea, that kind of was my hope, but I'd been quick to push that aside. My mother was still the woman who walked out on me and, even if she offered, I would never trust her enough to live with her again. I'd always be afraid that I'd come home to an empty house and proof that she'd hastily packed her bags and disappeared again. "No, I know that won't happen. I swear. I just need to know what about me… makes it so hard for my parents to choose me. What am I doing wrong?"

"Mia, that's not on you," Andrew said. He got a really intense look on his face. "You didn't choose your parents. They're supposed to choose you, and it's not your fault that you have two parents that didn't."

"I'm the common factor."

He shook his head. "Then there's another common factor. If only so you can see that you are amazing and you deserve the world, then I'm glad we're finding your mom. Because it is not your fault that she left, and it is not your fault that your dad chose work." He squeezed my hands. "You'll see. It's not your fault."

- . - . - . -

Pilar's POV

Something interrupted our kiss again, and it wasn't a raccoon this time. We jumped apart when we heard the cough. I half-expected to see one of our parents; instead, I saw Rahim.

"Rahim," I said surprised.

"Sorry. I didn't know where else to go. You got your muppet," he whispered, looking back and forth between us.

"What was that?" Felix asked.

"It's not important," I said quickly. I thought the whole sexy muppet conversation was one that we should have never. I looked at Rahim. "Are you okay?" He looked like he was close to tears, and I doubted he was that moved by my kiss.

He shook his head and, instinctively, I held out my arms. Rahim stumbled forward until he reached me. He didn't fall to pieces or start sobbing in my embrace, but he held me tightly for a few minutes. I didn't complain that he was squeezing me like a boa constrictor.

When he did finally pull back, I asked, "what's going on?"

He opened and closed his mouth several times. "I kissed your brother."

I stared at him. "You what?" I asked. I took a step back from him and tried to wrap my head around that. "Are you like… into him?"

"I didn't mean to like him," Rahim said slowly. "It just… happened."

"And you kissed him? Even though he's with Benji."

"They were on a break," he protested.

I shook my head. "A break isn't a breakup. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I needed to know," he told me. "I needed to know what it would feel like to kiss a boy. I needed to know if I would feel that spark I always dreamt I'd feel. I needed to take a chance and see if he feels the same way about me that I feel about him."

"Did you figure it out?" I asked. My voice sounded flat and hollow. I couldn't begin to sort through my confusing emotions. As he spoke, all I could think about was Victor's first kiss with Benji and how Victor had said almost the same thing when he told me about it. That he needed to know if he was gay and that was all the proof he needed. Was Victor Rahim's Benji? I shook my head. No. Victor and Benji were Victor and Benji. Benji had changed Victor from someone that would lie down so someone could trample over him to someone willing to stand up for himself.

At the same time, I desperately wanted Rahim to be happy. He was my best friend and was one of the only tolerable people at Creekwood. He deserved to be happy, and I was surprised when I didn't want this for him. I should. Wasn't that my job as his friend? To support him? The idea of Rahim with Victor made me feel weird. I glanced at Felix. I really hoped that wasn't how Victor would feel about us.

"I felt something," he admitted softly. "Something I've never felt with anyone before."

"And did you think about Victor in all of this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you think about what this would do to him? He is in love with Benji! I've never seen two people more right for each other."

"So you choose Benji?" he asked incredulously. "I came here because I thought you would understand."

"I don't choose Benji," I told him softly. "I choose Victor. I choose whoever makes him happy. If that's you, great. But… I don't think it is. At least, not in the way you want."

"You don't think I could make him happy?"

"Not in the same way." He flinched when he heard my words. "I'm sorry, but you didn't see Victor before Benji was in his life. You can't understand how different he is now. He came out to our parents, stood up for Benji, stood up for himself. The Victor I grew up with never would have done all that. I can't turn my back on him and Benji. I want you to be happy too, Rahim, but I don't think you're going to find that happiness with Victor." I hastily wiped my eyes because I didn't want him to see how emotional I was getting.

I felt partially responsible. It seemed so obvious to me now that Rahim was crushing on Victor; if I hadn't been so stuck in my own drama, I probably would have noticed. I could have intervened and sucked up a horrible night watching Mia's dad get married. I definitely wouldn't have pushed them closer together.

Rahim nodded. "I see."

"I'm sorry," I told him. "But you know I won't lie to you."

He nodded again. "No, I know you wouldn't. But sometimes, I wish you'd think about how your honesty hurts." He turned and walked away.

"Wait, Rahim."

Felix came up behind me. "Let him go. Let him cool down. He's going to need you."

"Was I out of line?"

"No. It's better that you told him the truth. He'll realize that one day." He was quiet for a long time.

His words suddenly came back to me. "What do you mean he's going to need me?"

He looked at me guiltily. "Are you going to be really mad at me if I tell you I knew Rahim kissed Victor?"

"You knew?"

"Victor told me. We were both kind of having an existential crisis at Mia's place."

"What? Why?"

"Victor felt something when Rahim kissed him, but he's choosing Benji. I think his exact words before he left were that Benji was the love of his life," he explained.

"Really?" I asked skeptically. "Victor called Benji the love of his life?"

"Yes, actually. Then he went to catch a Lyft to Benji's. He should be there now… assuming Benji lets him in."

I felt massively relieved that Victor was choosing Benji. I wished it wasn't hurting Rahim, but I knew in my heart that Victor and Benji belonged together. "And your existential crisis?" I pressed.

He hung his head. "Lake wanted to get back together, but I couldn't stop thinking about you," he admitted. "I… I didn't know how to give up Lake. She was my first… everything and part of me didn't want that to end."

I took a step back. "Great. Cool."

He didn't seem to notice how upset I was. "But then I thought about you. And I thought about you not being in my life, and it was impossible. You make me so happy. And once Victor told me he wasn't going to beat me up, it felt right. You feel right, Pilar."

I tried really, really hard to keep the smile off my face, but I couldn't do it.

- . - . - . -

Rahim's POV

I supposed it was poetic, in some ways, that I would end up at the same gay bar that Victor and I had gone to. Unlike last time, there wasn't a conveniently propped door that I could sneak into. That too was symbolic. Kind of like my freedom with my life only existed if I had someone to share that freedom with.

I ended up sitting down on the curb across from the club and watched every one that went in. People that were free to be unequivocally themselves so long as their ID said they were old enough to earn that right. Did I sound bitter? I didn't mean to.

I kept hoping that side door would open, but it remained firmly closed. It looked like Victor's mom left her mark when she called out the sixteen and fifteen-year-olds at the gay bar.

I jumped when someone put their hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

I glanced at the newcomer and was startled to realize I recognized them. "Oh. Courtney, right? I think we have Sex Ed together."

She fidgeted uncomfortably. I didn't blame her. Sex Ed was required for all sophomores and it was about as awkward and horrible as it sounded. "Rahim?"

"Yeah. It's nice to officially meet you."

"What are you doing out here?" she asked.

"Watching people live the lives they were born to live and lamenting the fact that I am six years short of living my best life," I said dramatically. "Sorry. That was really depressing. I'm just having a really bad night."

She chuckled. "Don't you have an ID?"

"No. Do you?" I asked.

"Of course. It doesn't even need to be good. They just need to cover themselves so it looks like they care whether minors get in," she explained. "I've been coming here since I started high school and the owners totally know. There's a whole group of us that come here. As long as we don't get out of hand, no one says anything to us. They'd rather we have a safe space to explore ourselves."

Hmm. Good to know. I was so distracted by the fake ID conversation, it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize what her words implied. "I didn't realize this was your scene," I said slowly.

"Most people wouldn't," she admitted quietly. "I'm not exactly out to… anyone outside of the people that come here. A couple of times a week, it's just really nice to feel like me."

"Ryker, darling," someone drunkenly called from the entrance to the bar. I looked over to see a man in the brightest red boots I had ever seen in my life. "Ryker! Ryker!" No one responded, so they kept calling the name in a drunken voice.

"Poor Ryker. Wonder which one they are."

Courtney turned bright red and looked deeply uncomfortable; it was obvious enough that I realized that they were talking to her. "I… I should go," she stammered. Er… I had no idea if they identified as she. I didn't want to make assumptions.

"No, wait. Ryker," I said with a nod. "Sorry, I didn't know. It's really nice to meet you. I'm Rahim. My pronouns are he, him, his."

"Ryker. They, them, theirs," they introduced. Ryker held out their hand and I shook it. "Do you want to come in and talk? They know me here, and I can probably get you in."

"I'd really like that," I agreed. Sure enough, they were able to convince the bouncer that I was their older brother (even though we looked NOTHING alike - I thought the bouncer was afraid of looking racist, so he didn't question it). I got a stamp on my hand and followed them inside.

They led me to a group of people. Some I vaguely recognized from Creekwood and others that looked young enough to be around our age. The same guy that had called Ryker's name came over to our table. "There you are," they slurred. "Who's your friend?"

"Luke, this is Rahim. He's off-limits. Rahim, Luke."

"You always take the fun away," he complained.

"Taking the fun away. Keeping you from being a pedophile. Call it what you will," Ryker said casually.

Luke made a face before he started mingling with other people in the crowd.

"Who is that and why am I off-limits?" I asked Ryker quietly.

"That's Luke. He is in love with the idea of being in love and will fall in love faster than you can blink. He's also 25." I didn't know what my face looked like, so they hastily clarified, "he's not really a pedo. Hypothetically, he should be able to safely hit on everyone in here if he wanted to." I'd honestly forgotten that we were in a bar.

"It must be complicated when there are underage people here," I acknowledged.

Ryker nodded. "He's a good guy. He would never do anything with someone underage like that, but I like to make sure he knows before he accidentally crosses a line."

"Is everyone at this table…"

"Yeah. You probably recognize Matt and Riley. They're both seniors at Creekwood. Riley's the one that introduced me to this place. She was the first person I came out to." Wow. A blind person could see that Ryker was crushing on Riley. "That's Sabrina, Matt 2.0, Paige, and Casey. They go to school in Atlanta but not at Creekwood."

"And you all just come here?"

"We come here every Friday and Saturday and sometimes a day or two during the week. There's usually someone down to come here no matter what day it is. If you keep showing up, eventually we'll add you to our group chat."

"Woah. A group chat," I teased.

"It is an honor to be a part of it," they said solemnly.

I chuckled. "That's kind of cool. That you have this whole family here."

"We really are." They glanced around the table. "I thought being who I am was impossible until I met them. They're really great people who have all been through it on some level. Do you want to officially meet the fam?"

"Yeah. I think I do."

Ryker smiled as they turned back to the table. "Ight. We're done shit talking you all. This is Rahim. The newest degenerate."

As everyone around us pounded on the table and cheered, I kind of felt like I'd been initiated into a club. They all welcomed me without question. No one pressured me to talk about myself, but they freely shared with the table. It was… amazing. I thought I'd understood what it felt like to belong when I came here with Victor but that didn't compare to this.

- . - . - . -

Victor's POV

When Benji told me to come back the next morning, I really didn't know what to expect. I kind of thought it was some weird test, but it wasn't really like Benji to do something like that. When I rang his doorbell, he answered. "Hi," I said in a small voice.

"Hi." We stood there for a few seconds. I was drinking in everything about Benji - his slightly unbuttoned shirt, the slight flush to his cheeks, how his hair looked. I didn't look away until he said, "come in."

He started to walk towards his family room, but I said, "Benji, wait" and grabbed his wrist. I pulled him towards me and wrapped my arms around him. I wasn't sure if this was okay, but I needed something. "I missed you." I didn't know if I was talking about last night or in general with the distance that had been between us.

After a second, he hugged me back. "I've missed you too."

We stood like that for a long time. It was like having Benji in my arms again made this whole thing we were doing tangible. I'd known I'd missed him, but I hadn't realized how much until I had part of him back. He didn't try to break the hug and neither did I.

We didn't try to talk; we just held each other until someone cleared their throat. We broke apart and I turned to see his sponsor. "Victor, you remember Hank," Benji said.

"Yeah. It's good to see you again."

"Thank you for joining us." I glanced at Benji. I hadn't been aware I was joining them for anything.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom first," Benji said quickly. He squeezed my hand. "I'll be there in a minute."

I followed his sponsor to the living room. "I think that's Benji's subtle way of giving us some time to talk."

"Is it?" I asked. "About what?"

Hank looked surprised. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" My heart started to pound.

"Benji said he was struggling to open up to you about this part of his life. He asked me if I could answer any questions you might have. I won't talk to you about specifics of what brought him to AA, but if you have questions about alcoholism or what AA is like or how to talk to Benji about this stuff, I'd love to help."

I took a seat on the couch as I connected the dots and understood what was happening. "I'd really like that."

Benji was 'in the bathroom' for nearly an hour before he checked on us. I felt really overwhelmed by everything Hank had told me, but I also felt so much more optimistic. I felt like, since I'd found out about the whole AA thing, I'd been kind of on edge. It was nice to get perspective and information from someone that was like Benji but a Benji of the future. Hank would be thirteen years sober the day after Valentine's Day, so he really got what Benji was going through.

When Hank left, Benji asked, "so how'd it go?"

"It went really well," I told him. I wasn't looking at him because I felt like if I did, I wouldn't be able to get out what I needed to say. "I… I don't know if I can say I understand all of this, but I trust you. I trust you to tell me if it gets hard or if you need to talk about it."

"Wow. Really?" he asked.

"Yeah. Hank trusts you, and I can see how much he cares about you. If he knows everything about what happened and trusts you, I can too. And you don't have to tell me anything right now, but whenever you're ready… if you're ready… you can tell me about it," I said slowly. It kind of killed me to say it, but after hearing Hank's story, I realized that I couldn't push him on this. I needed to be as patient with Benji as he always was with me. Hank's earlier words echoed in my ear. Most of us join because we've reached rock bottom. Benji is no exception. Imagine telling the most important person in your life, someone that makes you feel so happy and free and like you're more than your mistakes, about the darkest time in your life. Now, they have to live in the world where you've made that mistake, and you have to live in that world with them.

"Wow. I, uh, I will tell you eventually," he promised. "I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. I don't really talk about it with anyone outside of the people that go to AA with me. Most of the people that know only know because they were in my life when everything happened."

"That's okay. I can wait as long as you need."

- . - . - . -

Lake's POV

The sun was painfully bright when I opened my eyes. It was kind of disorienting because big bluish-white spots blended together until I couldn't see anything except for the spots. It did not help with the pounding headache that was threatening to make my head explode. I rolled over to get away from the brightness and landed right on Lucy.

"Oh. Sorry," I said quickly. I sat up and brought my hand to my head as the world around me lurched unpleasantly. "Do you feel like someone's trying to break out of your head?"

"Worse," Lucy groaned. She sat up as well. "Wow. You look as bad as I feel."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "I look as bad as I feel. Maybe an entire bottle of champagne between the two of us wasn't the best idea."

Lucy chuckled. "Yeah. You could say that again. I probably should have taken some water with us."

I risked opening my eyes. The world wasn't spinning as much as it had when I first woke up, but it was still pretty bad. "What time is it?"

Lucy looked at her phone. "Just after 11. When did the sun come up? We probably got five-six hours of sleep."

It was like with her words, everything from last night came back. How much fun it had been, how comfortable I was with her even though I barely knew her. I couldn't quite separate what feelings had been the alcohol and what had been me, but I wanted to find out.

"Thanks for last night," I told her. "I know I wasn't the best company…"

"You were perfect. I had a lot of fun," she interrupted. "It was really nice to hang out with you."

"Do you want to… I don't know. Grab something to eat?" I asked her nervously.

She studied me for a moment. "Yeah. I'd like that."

I felt myself filling with warmth as little butterflies fluttered in my stomach. We sat there for a few more minutes until I climbed to my feet. My phone had died last night and there weren't exactly charging stations in the grass. "Can I borrow your phone? I need to let my mom know where I am and where I'm going."

She handed it over, and I called my mom. I wasn't surprised when she was frantic; I never missed curfew without telling her. "Lake? Where are you? Where did you go?" she asked.

"I just spent the night with a friend. I'm sorry I didn't call; my phone died."

"Are you with Mia?"

"Mia? What are you talking about?"

"Mia ran away last night. When you weren't answering your phone, we thought you were with her."

"She took off? Where did she go?"

"We don't know. She didn't say anything to you?"

My heart started to pound. "No, but after the stunt her father pulled, I can't say I'm surprised she left."

"Where would she have gone?"

"I don't know. Did anyone call Andrew?"

"Her father did. His phone is off," she explained.

"Well, if she's not with me, she's with him. I'm about to get something to eat with my friend. I'll find a charger and see if she texted me last night," I promised.

"Okay. Call me if you hear from her."

"I will."

My mom hung up abruptly. "What was that about?" Lucy asked.

"Mia… ran away. No one knows where she went." The words sounded so strange to me. Things like this weren't supposed to happen in real life.

"Shit," Lucy said. "Do you know her number? You can try calling her from my phone."

"I just need to charge mine," I assured her. "Do you have a cable? I can charge it from wherever we go."

"Are you sure you don't need to go home?" she confirmed.

I hesitated. "I'm sure. I had a really great time last night, and I don't want this to be over yet."

"What to be over?" she asked. There seemed to be something thick and intense building in between us.

"This. We've never really hung about before, and I liked it," I told her honestly.

"Me too," she agreed. "But why would it be over?"

"I don't know. I guess I just figured now that it was morning and we weren't drunk and complaining about our breakups… I don't know." And I really didn't.

"I liked hanging out with you," she told me. "You surprised me." She climbed to her feet and offered me her hand before we walked towards where she'd parked my car the night before. "I don't connect with people easily, so last night wasn't something I usually do. Unless you don't want to be my friend, I see no reason why we have to walk away from this."

"Okay then. Where do you wanna eat?"

Armando's POV

I mostly watched Isabel on Sunday. She'd changed as much as I had since Victor came out, and I felt like I was watching a new woman.

She hadn't blinked when Victor said that he was going to Benji's as he ran out the door, didn't complain about the outfit Pilar wore to church and seemed so much less rigid than she'd been in years. I was surprised that she didn't make a fuss about Victor not going to church, but he'd barely gone since he'd come out, and she told him that she wanted to scope the place out and make sure it was okay before he went.

After church, Pilar disappeared into her room and Adrian started working on some homework, which left Isabel and me alone in the living room. It was really the first chance we'd had to talk since I knocked on the door Friday night. "So, I think we should talk," I said quietly.

"I agree." She took a seat on the couch and I sat down next to her. This had been where we started so many tough conversations over the last year. We'd agreed to our separation here, and Victor had come out to us, and we'd argued about how to deal with that.

I hoped the conversation we were about to have would be significantly easier. "I want to give us a shot," I told her. "We still have problems that we need to work through, but I love you. I want to make this work."

She looked surprised that I was just jumping in, but I knew if I waited, I wouldn't say everything I needed to say.

"Me too, Mando. Me too."

"I think… I think we need to talk to someone. About everything that went wrong with our marriage."

"Talk to someone?" Her eyes narrowed.

"Maybe someone that is trained on how to work with people struggling like us." I'd known she wouldn't be happy about it; I was actually pretty sure I wouldn't be able to convince her to go, but I felt like we needed more help than either of us could put into this relationship if we wanted to be strong enough to make it.

"Like a couple's counselor?" she asked. "You know how I feel about that."

"I know you don't want to air our dirty laundry, but don't think of it like that. Think of it as something we can do to make our family whole again. We tried it on our own and that didn't work," I told her. "I talked to a buddy of mine from work. His sister-in-law does marriage counseling. She's willing to fit us in."

Isabel looked down at the couch. "Okay."

I stared at her. I'd expected to have to argue for a long time to even get an 'I'll think about it'. "Really?"

"You're right. We tried it on our own and it didn't work. I don't want to lose you. If this is what you need from me, then I'll give it a try."

"Thanks, Isa."

She cleared her throat and stood up. "I should make us some lunch," she said quickly.

"Ropa vieja?" I asked when I popped into the kitchen thirty minutes later. "That's going to take a while. Were you planning on eating lunch today?"

She tsked at me, though I could see her amused smile. "I know it's one of your favorite dishes. It'll be ready in time for dinner. The empanadas are already in the oven."

"Wow. Your world famous empanadas and ropa vieja? What's the occasion?" I asked.

"This will be the first meal we've eaten as a family in six months," she said softly.

I froze. It couldn't possibly have been that long but, when I counted, she was right. May had been a long, long time ago. "Well, it looks amazing."

The front door opened. "How'd it go with Benji?" she asked when Victor came into the kitchen just as she was pulling the empanadas out of the oven.

"Okay, I guess," he said. He leaned against the counter. "He's still mad at me, but I can't really blame him for that. I just wish there was something I could do to show him how sorry I am."

He hadn't told us exactly what they were fighting about because part of what they were fighting about was him telling someone what they were fighting about. The whole thing was kind of hard to follow, but Isa had been great with him when he'd talked about it last night.

She pursed her lips. "You really love him," she said quietly.

"I do," Victor told her. He watched her nervously. "I know you think I'm young…"

"I never said that, mijo. Your father and I were just about your age when we met, and we hit a rough patch, but we're working it out. If Benji is your person, you'll work it out too."

Victor's face lit up. "Are you?"

"It's true. We're going to be okay," I confirmed. "So will you and Benji. If he's worth the fight, you'll be okay."

"Thanks," he said softly.

"Whatever happens, we love you very much. And we're here for you," Isa said. She squeezed his shoulder. "I can't say it'll earn his forgiveness but… why don't we whip him up something for lunch tomorrow? Show him that you care and you're willing to put in the work to fix things."

Victor looked skeptical. "What food says all of that?"

Isa looked right at me with a mischievous smile on her face. "You need to go. It's a top-secret recipe."

"I'm your husband," I protested.

She just pointed outside the kitchen. I left and took a seat on the couch so I could still see them. It filled my heart with warmth to watch the two of them working together. It was almost like old times.

- . - . - . -

Mia's POV

It took a long time for me to find it in myself to actually walk through the doors. We'd spent almost the entire morning in the parking lot while I just tried to wrap my head around the impossibility of walking in and facing my mom. It had been hard enough to get to the door yesterday just to remember that this place, like most businesses, wasn't open on Sundays, so we had to go back to our hotel room and wait another day to try to come back. It meant we were skipping school, but Andrew insisted he didn't mind. He'd suggested we take off the week because we only had three days of school this week, so what was the point? I had a feeling I was going to take him up on that offer after talking to my mom. I doubted I'd want anything to do with school.

After an entire lunch of agonizing over it, Andrew actually got me to the door. "I'll be right here," he reminded me for the hundredth time since we pulled up.

"I know." I took a deep breath and walked through the doors. I expected to see my mom right away, but a woman with frizzy red hair was sitting behind the desk just inside the entrance. "Uh, hi. I'm looking for Naomi Thomas."

"Oh, I'm sorry. She doesn't work here anymore. She hasn't since the beginning of the month"

"What? No. She sent me an email using her work email like two weeks ago. She's my mom and we drove all this way to find her."

The woman looked at me sympathetically. "I wish I could help."

"Do you know where she lives?" I asked. "Please. I really need to find her."

"I can give you the address she left with us, but it's not here in Savannah," she told me. "I'm really sorry that I can't help more."

She scribbled something on a sticky note before she passed it to me. I didn't open it until we were back in Andrew's car. He opened his GPS. "Where to?"

I felt my heart sink. "Atlanta," I said. "We can't go here." I waved the sticky note, and he grabbed it.

"Why not?" he asked.

"The address is in Maine."

"Then we're going to Maine." He typed the address into his car. It said it would take 17 hours and 12 minutes if we didn't stop.

"This is crazy. We're not going to get there until tomorrow if we leave right now. We might not make it until Wednesday if we have to stop," I protested. "And what? Are we going to spend Thanksgiving in Portland?"

"Why not?" he asked. "Thanksgiving with my family is always miserable. It's gonna be a shitshow for you too. What's the point?"

"For all we know, she might not even be there. We can't do this."

"We have a chance to find your mom. For the first time in five years, you have a lead. Don't you want to see where it goes?"

"Of course but that doesn't change anything. What if Maine leads us to… I don't know. Oregon or Canada or Japan? We can't just take off and-"

"Why not?" he challenged. "Say it leads us to Oregon. We go there and then we go wherever this trail leads. Mia, you're sixteen. We only get a little longer to be reckless like this; we won't be able to use our age as an excuse forever. You might not get another chance to find your mom. Yeah, we have school and I'm sure we'll hear some colorful stuff from both of our dads but, I dunno… I think it might be worth it. We're untethered right now. Besides, what's the worst they can do? Fail us and make us go to summer school?"

"I don't know," I said slowly.

"If you really don't want to find her, then fine. But if you want to chase this, I will chase it with you. Wherever this takes us, I'm all in with you. Just tell me what you want to do."

I studied him for a long time. He really wanted what was best for me and was willing to go on this insane trip to get that. I sat back in my seat. "Portland, here we come."

- . - . - . -

Adrian's POV

"I have a major update on Operation Parent Trap," I said as I took a seat across from Jeffrey.

He looked up at me. "Really?" he asked. "Did you set Heather free again? Or was it the wino?"

I laughed. "You really cannot speak Spanish. It's vino." Jeffrey had been trying to learn since I started sitting at his lunch table at the start of the school year, but he was kind of hopeless with it. He said he didn't have an ear for language, but I thought it had more to do with the fact that he had no one to practice with outside of me and I couldn't claim to be fluent. I only knew enough to get by in a conversation.

"Los que adinerada odiaran." I stared at him. He chewed his lip. "Am I at least getting closer?"

"You can just say haters gonna hate in English," I pointed out. "Adinerado means wealthy so, loosely translated, you said the wealthy gonna hate."

"Whatever. What happened with your parents? Was it Heather?"

"No. I didn't have to take her out of her cage." I'd thought about doing it again, but it hadn't worked last time and I worried about her getting lost in the apartment. "My dad's been staying at our apartment," I said excitedly. "And last night, we all had dinner together for the first time in forever."

"Sweet!" Jeffrey said. He passed me his cookies, and I passed him my potato chips. Why anyone would prefer chips over cookies was beyond me, but I wasn't complaining.

"Your dad makes the best cookies," I said as I bit into one.

Jeffrey grins. "Perks of having a dad that's a baker," he said smugly. "How's your brother?"

I glanced over at him. Jeffrey had been weird since I told him that Victor's gay. "He's fine. Why?"

"No reason," he said evasively. He opened the bag of chips. "Just wanted to make sure everything was okay with that. You said he came out months ago but only told you last week."

"Yeah, but it's not a big deal. We talked about it over dinner last night a little. He's fighting with his boyfriend which stinks."

"Have you met his boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Benji's cool," I told him. I finished my lunch and threw everything in my paper bag.

"It's nice that your family is so cool with that kind of stuff. Not everyone is."

I looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "Just that some people don't get it."

"Do you?" I asked.

"Actually-"

"Time for recess," Ms. Gallagher announced from the front of the cafeteria. "It's raining, so everyone's indoors today. Your options are kickball in the gym, four squares in the auxiliary gym, or quiet time in the library."

Jeffrey and I always went to the library for recess. We usually played some kind of game that they had out on the tables in there.

"I'm thinking Scrabble. You cool with that?" Jeffrey asked as he stood up. It was like our weird conversation never happened.

"Sounds good."

- . - . - . -

Benji's POV

We didn't really talk about what school would look like. We were technically still on our break until we were both certain that we could make this work and we had way too many tough conversations ahead of us to definitively say we were, but it wasn't a normal break. I don't think either of us really knew what to do with this in-between world our relationship was dangling in. When Victor was waiting outside the school when I showed up, I felt relieved. "Hey," he said quietly. His hands remained safely in his pockets.

"Hey."

He looked down at the concrete steps. "What are we doing?" He had an almost resigned look on his face.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, when we walk through these doors, what are we doing? Am I allowed to hold your hand? Should I sit next to you in Precalc and not say anything to you? I don't know what we're supposed to do when our break doesn't mean we're spending time apart but means we're not recommitting to being together."

I sighed. "I don't want to not talk to you," I told him. I pulled my hand out of my pocket and offered it to him. He looked relieved.

"Me neither."

We walked to Precalculus hand in hand. We were quiet but not in a weird way. I didn't know when I would start to trust Victor again, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wanted to be with me.

Victor texted me in the middle of fourth period that he was going to be late to lunch because his teacher asked to talk to him about what he missed when he ditched school on Friday. He asked if I could give Pilar her lunch because he'd accidentally grabbed it this morning when he was on his way out the door.

I really, really wanted to say no, especially when I saw that Pilar was standing with Rahim. Her arms were crossed and she looked unhappy about something. I really wasn't sure I was ready to see Rahim, much less be right in front of him, but I knew Victor's locker combo, so it had to be me.

I grabbed the bagged lunch from his locker and headed towards Pilar. I intended to give her the lunch and escape as quickly as humanly possible. Except, when I walked over, Rahim was saying something about a "white boy fantasy" and I was 99% sure he was talking about me. I hadn't known if Victor had talked to him yet, but I thought I got my answer. He clearly knew.

I cleared my throat, and the look on Pilar's face was enough confirmation that they were talking about me. At least Rahim had the decency to look guilty. I decided to let it go. I didn't have it in me to get into an argument with Rahim right now and, if I was being honest, if Victor had chosen him, I probably would have had worse words than 'white boy fantasy' to say about it. I passed Pilar the brown bag. "Victor asked me to give this to you," I said stiffly.

"Thanks," she said, trying to look cheerful. She reached into her bag and pulled out an identical bag. "And here's Victor's."

"What's different about the lunches?" I asked curiously. Usually, they were identical. I got my answer when I grabbed it and his weighed almost double Pilar's. I had no idea how it was possible he'd grabbed the wrong lunch. "Is he eating brick for lunch?"

Pilar got a mischievous smile on her face. "I'll let Victor explain it to you."

"Alrighty then," I said slowly. "Thanks."

I took the bag and walked away. I went to our table. Lake and Lucy were there, but Felix was missing. "Where's Felix?" I asked Lake.

"Ooh. Wrong question," Lucy said.

I looked at her confused. "No, it's okay. We broke up," Lake explained. "But I'm fine. I'm totally cool with it. It's fine that he's already dating someone else."

"Who?" I was surprised. I'd thought that Lake and Felix were perfect together.

"Victor's sister," Lucy explained. "Felix texted her last night. He didn't want her to be blindsided when she got to school today."

I stared. "Felix and Pilar?" I tried to picture them together but was having trouble with it. I hadn't realized that they hung out when Victor wasn't around.

"Yeah. Where's Victor?" Lake asked in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

"I'm right here," he said as he took the seat next to me. "You made the swap?" He pointed towards the bag.

"Yeah. Pilar made it seem pretty top secret."

Victor smiled big, and I'd almost forgotten how much I loved that smile. "My mom swears by two things in our house. That God has a plan for us all and that the way to forgiveness is through someone's stomach."

Before he could say more, Pilar came over to our table. She put one arm over Victor's shoulder. "Can I borrow ten bucks?"

"For what?" Victor asked.

Pilar glanced at Lake nervously. "None of your business."

Victor looked at her confused, but I thought I understood; it clearly had something to do with Felix. I nudged him and shook my head. There was enough drama in our friend group right now. I didn't want to add to that. "Fine," he agreed. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket.

"Thanks," she said cheerfully as she pocketed the money.

"Do I get to find out what the big secret is now?" I asked curiously.

"The big secret? You mean our lunch?"

"Our lunch?" I questioned.

"Yeah. I kinda made you something. Is that okay?"

I couldn't help my smile. "Of course. What is it?"

"Heaven," Pilar said dreamily. "He spent hours making it with our mom yesterday. I thought she was going to take her recipe to the grave. So, enjoy, I guess." She walked away, trying her best to look grumpy. She didn't get very far before Felix tangled his hand through hers. Huh. Even from where we were sitting, I could see how happy she was. I couldn't remember seeing Pilar genuinely smile before. I forced myself back to the present.

I looked towards Victor. "Is it actually called heaven or…?"

"No," he laughed. "It's my mom's super-secret recipe. It's kind of like pulled pork, but Pilar's right. It's heaven. She made this for her first date with our dad and he always told us it was part of the reason he asked her for a second date because their first date was a disaster."

"Aww. That's so sweet. I'm so glad you worked out your stuff." She kind of got that dewy-eyed look she got whenever she thought we were being adorable.

I didn't try to explain to Lake that we still had a ton of shit to work through. I was too focused on the sandwich that Victor had pulled out of his lunch bag. He was saying something about how it was just as delicious cold as it was warm, but I couldn't hear him. I only had room for the note that was taped to one of the sandwiches. I'm glad we talked. You got this. Benji's a lucky guy. Love, mom.

My heart started to pound in my ears. "Hey, can I talk to you real quick?"

Victor cut himself off, and his face fell. "Yeah. Of course." He stood up, and I grabbed our lunch before I walked away. When we got close to the doors, he started, "was this too much? I didn't mean to overwhelm you. I just wanted to do something to show you that… even though we still have a lot to talk about, I think we're gonna make it."

"Not here," I said quietly as I pushed open the door. Victor looked confused right up until we were outside a custodial closet.

Once we were inside, I carefully placed down the lunch that Victor had made and turned to him. I didn't know what to say, but I realized there really wasn't anything to say. I pulled him close to me and his lips connected with mine as his hands went to my face.

It was a lot like our first kiss. Kind of like I'd discovered a piece of me I hadn't realized I'd been missing. Or, in this case, rediscovered that piece. The same warmth and certainty and feelings of contentment that used to surround me when I was with Victor resurfaced. I'd thought they disappeared when we started fighting, but I guessed they'd just been waiting for us to reclaim them.

When I pulled back, his hands stayed exactly where they were. "Wow," he whispered. His breathing was heavy and it was impossible to deny that he loved me with the way he was looking at me.

"Wow," I agreed.

"What did I do to deserve that because I want to make sure I do it again." I could hear the laughter in his voice.

"You were you." I kissed him softly again.

- . - . - . -

Adrian's POV

"Alright. We're going out. Victor and Benji will stay here with you," my mom said as she kissed my forehead. "Victor!"

He came out of his bedroom. "Sorry, I'm here."

"When's Benji getting here?"

"He's on his way."

I watched them go back and forth. I never really understood why they were so weird around each other when they talked about Benji. Every other time, they were totally normal. "I know I don't need to tell you…" my mom trailed off and shot Victor a pointed look.

"I know. We were thinking of taking Adrian out for some ice cream," Victor supplied.

"Sweet!"

Our dad came out of his room then. He looked confusingly dressed up. "Aren't you going shopping?" I asked.

"And then we're going out to an early dinner," he explained.

"Even sweeter."

Victor chuckled and ruffled my hair. "Why don't you get your shoes on? We can meet Benji downstairs."

I ran to my room and threw on my shoes before I grabbed my jacket. When I went back to our family room, Victor and my parents abruptly halted whatever conversation they were having. We all walked out together. "Have fun… shopping," Victor said when we got outside.

They walked off and Victor sat down on the brick ledge in front of our apartment. Benji showed up a minute later and Victor's face lit up. "Hi," Benji said quietly.

"Hi."

They just kind of stared at each other for a minute. "Are we gonna go?" I asked slowly. This was the first time I'd seen Benji since I found out he was Victor's boyfriend. I expected them to act like boyfriends, so I was kind of confused with all the staring. Maybe that was their thing.

"Of course," Victor said. He hopped off the wall. We ended up walking to three different ice cream shops because the first one we tried was only open during the spring and summer seasons and the second one was closed until Sunday for Thanksgiving.

The third-place we got to was packed. "I'm going to find a table," Benji said. "You know what I want?"

Victor nodded to confirm before we got in line. The line snaked halfway around the parlor, but it moved fast. Victor texted someone the entire time we were in line, and I was pretty sure it was Benji.

By the time we'd gotten our ice cream, Benji had found a table. They sat stiffly side by side while they ate their ice cream. "I'm going to go to the bathroom," I told them. I didn't know what was going on with them, but I hoped a few minutes alone would help.

Sure enough, after I'd washed my hands for about five minutes, I came back out to see Victor feed Benji a spoonful of ice cream. I could tell they were holding hands, and Victor wiped away a small dribble of ice cream that hadn't made it into Benji's mouth. When I sat down, Victor instantly sat up and dropped Benji's hand.

I could see that Benji was annoyed. He muttered something to Victor as he stood up, but I couldn't hear it from where I was sitting.

Once he was gone, I leaned over the table towards Victor. "You don't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"You can hold your boyfriend's hand in front of me," I said. "I don't know why you think you can't."

"I guess I just wasn't sure how you felt about that."

"Why would I have a problem with it?"

"I don't know." He looked troubled.

"Are you happy with Benji?" I asked.

"Huh?" He looked at me curiously. "Of course. Why?"

"You just seemed really happy to see him when he first got to our apartment, but you haven't acted like you're happy since we got here."

Victor looked down at the table. "I am happy with him," he said after a long time. "We're working through some things, but we'll be okay, papa."

"Is he still your french toast?"

A small smile flickered across his face. "Yeah. He is."

"Did I hear something about french toast?" Benji asked as he sat back down.

"Long story," Victor said quickly.

"Alright," Benji said slowly. He looked between us uncertainly for a moment before he shrugged.

Despite what I'd said, Victor didn't try to hold his hand. They were definitely texting each other and if the increasingly aggressive speed of their texts was anything to go off of, they weren't happy texts.

I was kind of relieved when we were able to leave. I wasn't used to wanting to leave Victor; I usually had so much fun with him, but things were definitely off right now and all I wanted was to get away from this.

The walk back was really awkward. I didn't try to break the silence, but I kind of desperately hoped that Victor or Benji would say something to each other.

"Why don't you go watch some unboxing videos?" Victor suggested once we walked into our apartment. He passed me the iPad. "With your headphones on."

"Are you two going to fight?" Neither of them answered me. "Are you going to break up?"

Victor crouched in front of me. "Of course not. We're going to be fine. We just need to talk for a minute." He shot me a smile. "I promise. We're all good."

As I walked to my room, I wondered if Victor was being honest with me for the first time in my life.

- . - . - . -

Victor's POV

I waited until Adrian's door closed behind him before I turned to Benji. "We can't keep up like this," I told him.

He closed his eyes for a second. "I know."

"It's too confusing. We're on a break, but you still want us to spend time together so we can fight this out. I don't know how to act around you right now. We can kiss, but only if you feel like it. You get to decide when we 'pause' our fighting and do things like take my brother out for ice cream. Adrian thinks I didn't want to hold your hand in front of him, and I didn't know how to explain to him that it's not him. If we're not going to work, we need to break up and start to move on."

"Is that what you think is going to happen? Do you think we're not going to make it? This whole thing was your idea!"

"I know it was, but I feel like I'm the only one fighting for us," I snapped. "It feels like you're fighting against us."

"You think I'm fighting against us?"

"Well, it doesn't really feel like you want this to work," I pointed out. "We're supposed to be an 'us', but you're the one calling all the shots. How am I supposed to feel right now? What are we doing?"

"I don't know," he said tiredly. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "What was all that about french toast before?"

"After you outed me to him, my dad used a french toast analogy to explain why I dated Mia before I knew you," I told him.

"When I outed you?" He nodded. "You mean when I told your brother, who we had to wait six months to tell that we were together, that you're my boyfriend?"

"I wasn't happy about that either," I snapped. "But you had to go and take it into your own hands."

"I'm sorry that I didn't want to settle for hiding our relationship." He bit his lip and looked up. "You keep making excuses for how your mom reacted because she's allegedly better now, but-"

"Allegedly?" I asked. "You're here, aren't you?"

"Yeah. And do you hear how messed up it is that this is my fourth time in your apartment? I can't even count how many times you've been over."

"My mom-"

"Is your mom," he interrupted. "She has her own shit but that doesn't excuse everything she put you through. Why don't you see that? Why do you keep defending her?"

"Because I know she was doing the best she could. You couldn't possibly understand that."

"Of course not, so don't bother trying to explain."

"Like you explain all your shit?" I challenged. "You can't have it both ways."

"You said you were fine with waiting," he argued.

"I'm not just talking about your AA stuff," I told him. "There's other stuff, isn't there? You don't tell me how you really feel about stuff and then you get mad when I don't just know how you feel."

"You're kidding, right? That's you. That's what you do!"

The door opened and Benji and I turned away from each other. I took deep breaths to calm myself down and forced myself to unclench my fists. It was almost a gift that my parents just got home because I had a feeling that if we hadn't been interrupted, one of us would have said something we wouldn't have come back from.

"Mom. Dad," I said. "How'd it go?"

- . - . - . -

Benji's POV

"It was good." Isabel looked between us slowly. "Surprisingly good. I thought it was going to be pointless, but we scheduled another session."

I looked at her surprised. Victor had mentioned that his parents were going to couple's counseling, but I'd been skeptical that she was going to get anything out of it.

Armando hung up his jacket. "We mostly worked on different communication techniques."

"Like what?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Victor's parents glanced at each other. Isabel coughed before she said, "we worked on speaking with awareness today."

"Um…" Victor said. "What?"

"It's this communication technique where you talk with 'I' statements. You're technically supposed to say 'I am aware', and then you say a thought, a feeling, a sensation, something that you're experiencing in that moment. Then she unleashed us on each other and… it kind of helped," Isabel explained. "Adrian's in his bedroom?"

"I gave him the iPad," Victor explained.

"I'm gonna go check on him." She disappeared down the hallway.

Armando hesitated for a moment. "It really was helpful to talk about some of our problems like that. We could hear you in the hallway. Maybe it would help you too," he said. "We didn't realize how some of the things we were saying were causing more fighting."

"You just say, I am aware?" I asked. It sounded too simple to work.

"You can. We didn't really; we just talked about how we felt or what we were thinking. The point of it is to avoid making the problem about the other person and acknowledging that you might be perceiving something differently than someone else. And then you talk about how you feel or what you think about something. Like, I feel worried for what you two boys have gone through, but I know the kind of young men you are. I think that if you love each other like I think you do, you'll work this out." He looked around awkwardly before he went to his bedroom.

I turned to Victor. "I'm willing to try it. We need to figure something out."

He nodded. "Okay." He sat down on the couch. It really hit me how exhausted he looked right now. He closed his eyes. "I feel…" he held up his hands as he groped for the words. "Really scared that we can't work this out."

I sat down next to him. "I want this to work out."

"Why are we fighting so much?" he asked. He clasped his hands in his lap.

"I don't know," I said quietly. "Do you?"

He was quiet for a long time before he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against his hands. "I can't speak for you, but I think for me… it's almost like a safety net. It's easier to fight and set us up to not work out than it is to put in the work and potentially fail. It seems like it will hurt less because what are the odds that we're going to make it?"

He was shaking, so I knew how hard it was for him to admit that. I took a minute to really think about his words. "You're saying this is your way of sabotaging the relationship?" I asked.

"I know it doesn't make any sense-"

"No, it does, actually. It really really does. I think… I think I was kind of doing the same thing. I have a lot of stuff too, and I think it's easier to blame how you reacted than to admit that something might be too much for us or figure out how we can work this into our relationship."

"Is it possible that we can stop fighting each other and start fighting with each other, kind of like what we just did?" I looked at Victor uncertainly, and he must have seen my confusion because he clarified, "I know we have a lot of… stuff, but I feel like we're fighting each other instead of working through that stuff."

"I don't know that I understand what the difference is," I admitted. "But I'm willing to try it."

"The difference is that we'll actually fight about our stuff instead of just fighting."

"Okay. Where do we start?" I asked.

Victor frowned. "Why don't we start with something small?" he suggested.

"Like?" I felt like all of our problems were huge, so I couldn't fathom something small.

"Can we talk about your bandmates?"

I tried not to immediately go on the defensive. "What about them?"

He licked his lips and looked away from me. "Or we could talk about something else."

"No, let's talk about this."

"Then can you stop looking like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you've already sided with them?"

"Is there something to side with them on?"

He closed his eyes. "They… Let me think of an 'I statement'. Um… It makes me really uncomfortable when they make fun of me, and it seems like you… and I feel like you sometimes go along with it."

"When have they ever made fun of you?" I asked incredulously.

He looked at me. "You're joking, right? How about when they called me your straight boy fantasy the first day I met them? Or the week before your birthday when they asked me if I was sure I was gay? Or all of the jokes Coryn made when she found out I rejoined the basketball team? Or when Tosh called me a baby? Or when they told me that Derek-" he cut himself off.

I froze. Now that he said it, I could tell how much it had bothered him. I could almost retroactively see the signals he'd sent out that he was uncomfortable. He was right. I'd gone along with them. Well, most of them. "That Derek what?" I had no idea that they'd ever mentioned Derek to him.

"It doesn't matter. I love that you have them, and I love the music you make with them, but sometimes it's really hard to be around them, and I don't want this to be another thing in your life that I can't be a part of."

"I didn't know you felt this way."

He shrugged. "I probably could have told you," he acknowledged.

"Why didn't you?"

"Because they're your friends. I didn't want to get in the way of that."

"You're not getting in the way of that. Believe it or not, we do stuff other than make fun of people."

He side-eyed me. "Do you?"

"Yes! If their jokes are bothering you, I'll shut it down. I wish you had told me sooner because I would've talked to them that first day you met them. I thought you were upset because of the jokes I made."

"Oh, I was," he confirmed. "Way more upset than I was with your bandmates. I told you we were starting small."

"Victor, you need to tell me this stuff and not months later but right away. I know that's not an 'I' statement or whatever, but I won't know if you don't tell me."

He nodded. "I know that's what you want, but… I didn't think I'd have to."

"I don't know if you've picked up on this, but I can get a little… stuck in myself." Victor pointedly looked away from me. "Thanks."

"Sorry." He looked at me guiltily.

"You know that most of the time, I can pick up on it. I like to think I'm pretty in tune with how you're feeling but when I'm with my band… it's kind of like nothing exists outside of my music. I mean, you do, obviously, because you always exist, but music makes me so happy, and I just expect everyone else to ride that wave with me." I took his hand. "If I can promise to tell you when something you do is upsetting me, can you do the same? I know that there have been times that I thought I was really obvious with how I was feeling and you didn't seem to pick up on it, so maybe this is something we can both work on?"

"I think I can live with that."

"Did we just successfully work through this?" I kind of felt weirdly giddy about it. It was such a small thing, but it felt so good to know that something worked. I didn't know if it was the 'I' statements or just the fact that we'd actually committed to talking through something, but it didn't really matter. Whatever it was, we'd talked out a problem and figured it out. I didn't know if we'd actually ever successfully done that. Like Victor had said, we usually walked away before we actually resolved a problem.

"I think so." He smiled and licked his lips. "We can do this, can't we? Work through everything else just like this?"

"Yeah, we can do this," I said. I rested my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me. We sat like that for a long time.

"I've missed this," he said quietly.

"Me too." I closed my eyes for a second. "I don't want to be on a break anymore. Our break was to figure out if we still worked. We know we work… or we know that we're getting back there."

Victor shifted so he was facing me. "Our break is over?" he confirmed.

"It's over. Only if you want. I'm not the only one calling the shots. I can't be."

He leaned over and kissed me which was kind of the best answer he could've given me.

"Yes!" Adrian cheered.

Victor pulled back. "How long have you been standing there?" he asked.

"Maybe thirty seconds. I had to go to the bathroom," he explained. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too," Victor whispered as he looked at me.

"Now that you're back to normal, do you want to play a game?" Adrian suggested.

"Anything but Monopoly," Victor said. To me, he added, "Adrian cheats."

"I do not cheat. You're just really bad at Monopoly," Adrian protested.

"Every game we've ever played has ended with someone angrily quitting. The only one that can play all the way through with him is my mom," Victor explained.

"We could play Scrabble," Adrian suggested.

"You're on," I agreed.