Open Your Eyes

by someofthissomeofthat310

My take on what could happen if there's a season 3. *Summary inside because I don't want to take the chance of spoiling the second season for someone that hasn't seen it yet*

4. Love Is In The Air

~ Chapter 4: Love Is In The Air ~

Victor's POV

My phone went off, and I blindly reached for it. I didn't know what time it was, but I felt like I'd just closed my eyes.

"That's my wrist, not your phone," Benji grumbled.

"Sorry." I finally opened my eyes, but it didn't help because we were surrounded by darkness. I turned on the little lamp next to Benji's couch and waited for my eyes to adjust. "Do you see it?"

"Too early," he muttered.

"Technically it's late because we fell asleep watching a movie," I pointed out. His mom must've covered us with a blanket because we definitely hadn't had one before.

"Who would be calling you at this hour?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes even though he was still trying to cling to sleep, so he couldn't see me. "I don't know, Benji. Let's think about this one. We fell asleep and now it's-" I tapped the face of his watch. "Three hours past my curfew. Who could be calling me?" I would put money on this being my mom trying to find out why I wasn't home.

"Don't answer," he suggested. "She's gonna make you go home."

"Yeah, that should go over well with her. Jesus, where is it?" I stood up to check between the cushions just as it stopped ringing. "Aren't you supposed to be the responsible one that tells me not to hide from my problems?"

"I take it back. Hide. Under the blanket. With me," he suggested. I chuckled. His eyes flew open. "That's also not your phone."

"Oh, I know. Now, do you think you could be useful and call it for me?" He reluctantly did, and I found it on the floor underneath the couch. When I checked my missed call, I was surprised it was from Mia. Huh. Not my mom. I called her back, and she answered immediately. "Hey, Mia."

Benji sat up, and I put her on speakerphone.

"Hey, I know it's late. Did I wake you?"

"No," I said at the same time that Benji said, "yes."

Mia chuckled. "Sorry, Benji."

"Don't mind him," I said quickly. Benji shot me a disgruntled look and shoved me lightly. I pushed him back and it took actual effort not to laugh. "What's up?"

Mia sniffed which effectively wiped the smiles off of both of our faces. "I need your advice on something."

"What's wrong?" I was instantly worried that she'd been in some kind of accident.

"You're an older brother," she said. "And you're somehow the only person I know with siblings." I frowned as I thought about that, but she was kind of right. It took actual effort for me to think of someone that had siblings and the only people I could recall right away were on the basketball team. What was with Creekwood and only children? As an afterthought, I remembered that Lucy had an older brother.

"I have siblings, yes," I said slowly.

"If you had to choose between your siblings or your mom, what would you do?"

Benji looked confused, but I understood right away. "Your dad had his baby."

"Yeah. Kyle Brooks. He was born three weeks ago."

"That long?" I asked surprised. We'd talked since then, and I didn't understand why she hadn't brought it up. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid you'd tell me I should come home," she whispered. "I wasn't sure I was ready, but now I need to know."

I closed my eyes for a second because I honestly had no idea what she should do, so I focused on the news and not the implications. "Congrats, Mia. How do you feel? You're a big sister."

"It doesn't feel real," Mia told me. "I've been thinking about whether I should come home. We're in Mount Vernon, but she's not here, and we'd be going to Kansas next, and then who knows where she went after that… I don't know what I should do. It's like… I know he's here and I feel like I should feel protective or something because he's my brother, but…"

"But he's a baby," I interrupted. "You're not going to feel that right away."

"Didn't you?"

"Well, I was fourteen months old when Pilar was born, so no."

"What about with Adrian?" she asked. "You adore him."

"Now I do. I didn't really feel like I had brotherly instincts until he was close to a year. Pilar had it so much earlier. After a few weeks, she treated him like he was her baby. Don't get me wrong. I loved Adrian from the beginning, but I didn't really feel like he was my brother right away. When he was little… I don't know. He was just this baby that lived in our apartment and loved everyone. I don't think I felt like his brother until he knew that's who I was," I explained.

"So this is normal… and one day I'll just be like, wow, this is my little brother?"

"That's how it happened for me," I admitted. "At Pilar's ballet recital."

Benji shoved my arm. "Pilar did ballet?" he asked. He kind of looked like we were celebrating another Christmas. I couldn't blame him. Pilar had made a huge deal when I'd shown her pictures of Benji playing piano as a kid. In defense of me, six-year-old Benji in a full-blown rich person tuxedo sitting at a piano was objectively one of the cutest things to ever exist. His parents had made him wear gloves and everything. He'd looked miserable in the picture which inexplicably made it cuter.

"I'll have to show you pictures. She danced for a year when she was seven. Then my mom let her quit because she complained about it so much and tried to flush her tutu down the toilet which essentially flooded our whole apartment." Benji snorted.

"How did it happen?" Mia asked.

"She tried to cut it up with scissors, but all she had was the safety scissors that we were allowed to use, so it didn't work."

"Not the tutu. Adrian," Mia said.

"Oh. Adrian was… I think almost exactly a year old; it was sometime after his birthday but before Pilar turned eight. He'd just started walking, though I say walking loosely. He went from crawling to running. He used to shout 'go, go, go, go, go' while he ran." I couldn't help my chuckle. "During intermission, he ran off and got caught in the middle of a group of people he didn't know. He started freaking out and when he saw me, he ran right to me and hugged my leg so tightly." I closed my eyes, and for a split second, I was nine and back at that recital. "For me, that was the moment. Adrian doesn't remember it, but I'll never forget it."

"So, you wouldn't have given it up, right? You needed that moment."

I looked up at the ceiling. "The thing is… if it wasn't that, it would have been something else because Adrian will always be my little brother. Mia, I don't know what you want to hear or what the right thing to do is. Adrian and Pilar… they're my team. I love them so much and there is so little that I wouldn't do for them." I glanced at Benji. "But things change. As you grow up, your siblings stop being your only team." I hesitated. "You can't put your life on hold for your brother. If you do, he's going to be your whole story, and it's going to take you that much longer to find out what your real story is."

"Shit, Salazar. That was deep," Andrew commented.

"Is that what happened for you?" Mia asked. "When you were figuring out you're gay?"

"Sort of. It felt like my life revolved around my family when we lived in Texas. I had my friends and basketball too, but it wasn't like it was here. I didn't have space to be anyone but the Victor everyone thought I was. Then we moved here, and I met you and Felix and Benji. It changed everything. My world was suddenly so much bigger and way more complicated, and I had people that gave me room to figure out who I was. I started to exist outside of just my family."

Benji wasn't looking at me, but he rubbed circles into the back of my hand. "If you were in my shoes, what would you do?"

As I looked at Benji, I knew. "I would keep looking," I told her. "Because if you give up on this, you'll never forgive yourself and you'll miss out on the amazing things you might find. Some things are worth the sacrifice."

- . - . - . -

Lake's POV

I pushed aside my textbook. "I hate History," I whined. I didn't actually hate it; I felt like there was too much to memorize.

Lucy laughed. She was lying down on her bed with her feet propped up against her headboard. Her dog was happily snoozing on her stomach - she was this tiny thing named Adelaide (Lucy called her Addie, but her brother and dad were firmly team Adelaide). No one knew what kind of dog she was because they rescued her when her grandfather moved in with them and the shelter didn't know, but Lucy adored her. She was technically her grandfather's dog because pets are supposed to help people with Alzheimer's with their mood swings or something like that; Lucy said it worked for a while, but now her grandfather didn't know how to be gentle enough with her, so Addie spent most of her time with Lucy. They both looked like the epitome of relaxation right now; whereas I was sitting up tensely and trying to cram for a stupid quiz tomorrow. "What are you on?"

"Something about Russia," I said. I flipped the page and pulled out the piece of paper where I'd hastily scrawled the information about the quiz that Ms. Dillinger had given out as the bell was ringing to dismiss us. We had mini-quizzes once a week about a specific event or person from the unit we were on - it was always five questions and an essay and we had ten minutes to complete it. "We have a quiz on Rasputin tomorrow. We need to know his important contributions, how he died, yadda yadda."

"Ah. Grigori Rasputin. Now there's an icon."

"Wait, isn't he the villain?" I asked. "He's the one that separated Anastasia from her grandmother."

Lucy raised her eyebrows at me. "Did you watch Anastasia to try to prepare for this quiz? Because then you're definitely gonna fail."

"You've gotta be kidding me," I groaned. "Why can't Disney be historically accurate?"

"One, Disney didn't make that movie. Two, Disney is allegedly meant to be a little more family-friendly than history would allow."

"We're not getting into this argument again." Even as I said the words, I knew I opened a can of worms that I couldn't close back up.

"I never said we were. But if you think that kids can handle something like Dumbo, I think they can handle the truth about Pocahontas," she muttered. "She was supposed to be a kid when she met John Smith, and they killed off the guy she actually married. I know they didn't last forever, but why kill him?" It was better than her whole there's-nothing-in-history-that-suggests-people-spontaneously-burst-into-song rant.

"You're really cute when you get upset about history being misrepresented," I teased.

"I just think we're not doing anyone any favors by pretending that history was full of cuddly animals and happily ever afters," she shrugged.

"You don't believe in happily ever after?"

She frowned. "I believe in the kind that you make for yourself," she finally said. "I don't think happily ever after just happens. It requires work and commitment."

"Huh," I said softly.

"You disagree."

"I feel like we just happened," I told her. "I didn't work for this."

"Did you just call me your happily ever after?"

There was this thick, amazing tension around us. I coughed to clear my throat because I was getting dangerously close to doing something stupid. "Maybe I'd be able to answer that if someone believed in Disney," I shot back. We'd been unofficially-officially dating for a little over a month. It felt too early to be talking about happily ever afters even though part of me wanted to just dive in. That was kind of terrifying for me. I adjusted my textbook even though I didn't need to. "Now, can you tell me everything you know about this Rasputin guy?"

Lucy's face lit up. I was still surprised that Lucy loved History. It was kind of endearing. She'd probably get along really well with Felix. Maybe I had a type. Weird and cute History nerds. "Okay, so the thing is. This guy… wow. He was a bit of a player which was scandalous back in the day. Like, he had mistresses and everything. But, that probably won't be on your quiz. He dabbled in healing and hypnosis. Then, when people were kind of over him, they started to try to kill him, but he didn't make it easy on them. He was stabbed and survived, was poisoned and it didn't work, and was shot three times. The people that eventually succeeded in killing him threw him in a river and when his body was recovered, he'd untied himself. Like, this man didn't know how to die and it took a river he couldn't get out of to take him down. The gunshots are credited with it, but he had water in his lungs. After all that, he drowned."

"Were his assassins really bad?" I asked uncertainly.

"No. I mean, potentially they didn't know how to poison him, but they shot him in the head. He should've died."

"He was a wizard, right? Is that how he survived?"

Lucy looked like I'd just said that someone murdered puppies. "A wizard?" she asked. Addie lifted her head as if to tell Lucy she'd been too loud. "No. He was essentially a faith healer."

"So… a wizard?"

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Wizards aren't real."

"But faith healers are?" I asked skeptically.

She shrugged. "The Romanov's believed it. Their son had hemophilia, and Rasputin seemed to pray it away. The son should've died, but he didn't. The early nineteen hundreds weren't exactly the most medically advanced time, so it's unlikely that they hid some secret procedure from the country."

"Wait? So he really healed him?"

"Sort of. His hemophilia never went away, but he survived hemorrhages, plural, that should have killed him," she explained.

"Then he wasn't the bad guy?" I confirmed.

"Not like you're thinking. He was in politics, so you know he wasn't walking the straight and narrow, and he totally took advantage of women by telling them that physical contact with him was healing which makes him a certifiable douchebag. He was mostly controversial; that's why people wanted to kill him. He was a no-one but because he was helping out with the son, he became someone important. There were a ton of people that didn't believe in his abilities; they thought he was the antichrist."

"How do you remember all of this?"

"I think history is fascinating," she admitted. "It's the small things. Like how Rasputin's daughter became a lion tamer after the revolution. You can't make this shit up."

I looked at her skeptically because it kind of sounded like she made that shit up. "Can you come and teach my class? You're so much more interesting than Ms. Dillinger."

"I think you're just biased."

"I don't." I shifted so I was lying down by her side. "I think I'd actually take notes if you were my teacher."

She rolled her eyes so hard, I could practically hear it. "Okay, slacker. You need to study."

"In a few minutes."

"Here we go, girlie." She carefully scooped Addie up and placed her at the base of her bed before she turned so she was on her side facing me. I did the same.

Addie wasn't having it and immediately wedged herself between us. I could have lived like this and spent the rest of my life looking into Lucy's blue eyes, holding her hand over Addie's thick fur, and marveling at how much I liked her.

Things with Lucy were… kind of amazing. I perfectly understood why Victor and Benji had taken the summer to just be themselves because it really gave us a chance to get to know each other. We were able to talk in a completely different way.

Something like this moment? It was so easy and uncomplicated. I wasn't sure how much longer we could exist in this bubble where it was just us… well, us and Addie, but part of me wanted it to last forever.

- . - . - . -

Mia's POV

Ten cities in five weeks seemed so feasible when we'd first mapped it out a few days after New Years. We hadn't taken into account how exhausting it would be. Part of it was the constant driving and living out of motel rooms, but I thought this was such a draining trip. Especially the past two weeks. Now that I'd committed to staying and finding her, everything seemed to trigger a thousand questions about my mom.

We'd committed to seeing as much of the country as we could. Each of us chose one thing to do near each city we went to and each time, I wondered. I wondered if my mom had eaten at the same diners we'd eaten at, if she'd walked through the same galleries I had, if she'd made the same drives as us.

When we were in South Dakota, I pictured my mom looking out at the snow-covered terrain at Badlands National Park. Did she feel the same sense of awe that I felt upon seeing it? She wouldn't have been here in the winter, and I wondered what it looked like when it wasn't coated in ice and snow. Had she found the beauty in it just as I had?

When we went to Wyoming, I wondered if she'd gone to the Grand Teton National Park. We'd gone there instead of Yellowstone because the gallery owner we'd talked to about my mom insisted that, in the winter, the mountains at Grand Teton were breathtaking. He wasn't wrong. I wasn't much for painting landscapes, but surrounded by something like this? I understood the appeal of capturing the beauty we saw. I knew she would've been here in September, but I still pictured her reaction to this. We didn't last long at the national park because it was so, so cold, but it was beautiful.

We saw the obligatory largest ball of twine because we couldn't justify driving through that town without stopping. It was cool, but it was kind of exactly what it sounded like. We both found it underwhelming. Like always, I wondered if my mom had felt the same way or if she'd seen some hidden beauty that was lost on us.

We met a man in Kansas that insisted he knew my mom pretty well; he hadn't known she had a daughter and that filled me with all kinds of feelings that I didn't have it in me to work through. He told us about the World's Largest Collection of the World's Smallest Versions of the World's Largest Things. It happened to be open and as I looked around, I wondered what my mom had seen when she'd been here. Had it made her feel big to be surrounded by so many tiny models? Or small to realize how much of the world she hadn't seen?

I didn't have those answers but thinking about my mom doing the same things that I was doing made me feel like I was getting closer to finding her.

Of course, Andrew let me drag him to about a dozen galleries and art museums; he never complained once, so when he got that glint in his eye when he mentioned some museum in Missouri that was an interactive basketball experience, I felt like I couldn't say no. Plus, as Andrew had pointed out, it would be nice to go somewhere where the hypothetical memory of my mom wasn't haunting me.

It was out of the way, but I didn't complain because this whole trip had been out of the way for him. It ended up being a lot of fun. There was so much to do.

We spent nearly an hour commentating on a game. Andrew knew what he was doing, so he probably accurately described the game. I didn't even try. My solitary goal had been to make him laugh as much as possible and I thought I succeeded. Andrew ended up buying a copy of the recording because he said he wanted to remember it.

Then, there was this one exhibit where there was a ring around a basketball hoop and we could just keep shooting baskets to try and get the highest score. Except the ring made it so we were shooting from the three-point line, which may be easy for Andrew but was nearly impossible for me. My experience with basketball began and ended in gym class. Even then, I usually ended up on the bleachers, watching the guys play. It probably would have annoyed me if it hadn't been really convenient for me.

Andrew insisted we weren't moving on until I made a basket. He, of course, was sinking three-pointers left and right. We were technically on a timer, but because the museum was pretty empty, we were able to keep going. My attempts to make a basket only got worse the longer we were there because I couldn't stop laughing. Andrew always commentated on my shots and I felt kind of weak and giddy by the time he let us call it a day. I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed like this or felt so… peaceful.

It had been such an easy and fun day. By the time we got back to our motel, Andrew and I were too exhausted to do anything other than curl up on the bed and welcome sleep.

- . - . - . -

Adrian's POV

"Hey, you wanna go do something?" I looked up to see Victor standing in my doorway. I hadn't realized he got home from work.

"Me?" I asked uncertainly.

"Yeah. You know, I was thinking it's been a while since we did something with just the two of us and dad said your school is hosting a life-size board game thing, so I thought we could go. He feels really bad that he can't take you," he explained.

I'd gotten the flier about it a few weeks ago, but when I asked our mom and dad about it, they said they couldn't make it work because my dad had work and my mom was in Texas until Monday helping my aunt put together the nursery. Victor usually spent most of his weekend with Benji, so I hadn't even thought to ask him.

"Don't you have plans with Benji?" I asked surprised.

"Nah. You're more important."

"So, Benji's busy," I guessed.

Victor frowned. "Not really. He's got a thing… a, uh, group thing… a project for the next hour, but we both wanted to do our own things tonight."

"Are you guys fighting again?"

Victor laughed. "No, I promise. We're good. Good enough that I can spend the day with you instead of him." I must've looked skeptical because he added, "do you need me to pinkie swear on it? If we weren't okay, I'd be sitting outside his house right now waiting for him to get home so we could work it out, but we're okay. So, whattaya say? I hear they have giant Jenga."

I wasn't totally sure I believed him, but he didn't seem anything like he'd been the last time they were fighting, so I decided to withhold judgment for now.

"I can't wait to beat you at giant Jenga," I said as I climbed off my bed.

"You're on," he told me. "Get your shoes on and we can put your money where your mouth is. Loser buys the other dinner."

"I don't have any money," I protested.

"Then you better hope you don't lose."

It was a ten-minute walk to the school and when we got there, I was kind of amazed. It started two hours ago and there were a ton of people here. I recognized a handful of people from my class but most people must not have gone to my school. The gym had been transformed and there were so many games. A few of them had been listed on the flier, but it felt like every space in the gym was taken up by something.

We hit up Jenga first before we played a game of operation that was the size of a pool table. After that, we played a game of Checkers then Connect Four then Trouble. Game after game. I was pretty sure Victor was letting me win, but he insisted he wasn't. I didn't let it get in the way of how much fun I was having. It was so nice to spend time with him. We hadn't done this in a long time. Really, since I found out he was dating Benji, Benji had been there almost every time that Victor had to watch me.

"It's almost time for dinner. How's one more game, then we'll head out?"

"Oh my gosh! They have Scrabble!" I said excitedly.

"That's kind of a long game," he hedged.

"Please," I held out the 'e' until Victor smiled.

Victor glanced at his watch. "Sure. I can make time to kick your butt at Scrabble." He couldn't even get through it with a straight face.

I couldn't help my laugh. Victor didn't stand a chance against me at Scrabble. It was the one game I knew I could genuinely win every time. We'd just started drawing our tiles out of a mesh laundry basket when one of my classmates came over.

I didn't know Laura that well. She was this quiet girl that mostly sat in the back of the class and didn't say anything to anyone. She was with someone that had to be her older sister because she looked way too young to be her mom. "Mind if we join you?" Laura asked. She didn't look particularly thrilled about it.

I looked at Victor who shrugged to let me know it was my call. "Sure. This is my older brother Victor. Vic, this is Laura. She's in my class."

"It's so nice to meet you," Victor said with a smile.

"This is my sister, Gabby. She's a senior," Laura introduced.

Victor's eyebrows scrunched up. "Do you go to Creekwood? I don't recognize you."

Gabby shook her head. "No. I go to Thadwick."

Victor nodded. "Well, you're welcome to join us. We just picked our tiles."

Gabby flicked her hair back. "I should warn you. I'm pretty competitive. I almost never lose at Scrabble."

Victor chuckled. "I'm not the one you should warn. Adrian's practically a prodigy when it comes to Scrabble. He's undefeated in the Salazar household."

"Who wants to go first?" Gabby asked.

"Why don't we go with the youngest?" Victor suggested. It turned out that Laura's birthday was at the beginning of May so, by three weeks, she was the youngest.

Laura kicked us off with 'nest'. I didn't know why she asked to play with us because she didn't say a word when we started the game or during the first several rounds we played.

"Why am I not surprised that he conned you into Scrabble?" Victor had been frowning at the board and was consulting with his tiles to play his word, but when he saw Benji, a huge smile spread across his face.

"Conned is such a strong word," Victor protested.

"But an accurate one," I interjected. "I'm starting to regret it. He's been figuring out his word for forever." Benji walked up behind Victor and looked at his tiles. He whispered something in his ear. "Hey, that's cheating!"

Victor rolled his eyes. "He's not helping me. He got you hot chocolate, papa. He was just making sure that was okay." It was the first time that I noticed Benji was holding something in his hands.

"When would hot chocolate not be okay?" I asked.

"When a brother doesn't want to deal with an eight-year-old's sugar rush," Victor suggested. "This is the best I can do." He played two 'A's and one 'E' to make the word 'area'. "Lucky for you, it's early enough that it's fine."

He hopped off the mat to join Benji. "Who's his friend?" Gabby asked.

"Benji's not his friend. He's his boyfriend." Just as I said it, Benji gave Victor a quick kiss. Victor took a sip of something that I hoped wasn't my hot chocolate.

"Of course," Gabby grumbled. I glanced at her and, out of the corner of my eye, saw a huge smile on Laura's face. I had a feeling Gabby had asked Laura to play with us so she could talk to Victor. I hadn't picked up on it earlier, but it kind of made sense.

Benji and Victor walked over to us. Benji handed me a cup. He must've had one in each hand when he got here. I took a sip. I loved hot chocolate. "Are you staying to play some games with us?" I asked. Part of me was hoping that I'd be able to get Victor to stay a little longer if that was Benji's plan.

"No, I don't want to get in the way of your brotherly bonding," Benji assured me. He turned to Victor. "I know I shouldn't be here, but Stevie texted and we're not practicing until nine now, so it's going to be a late night. I won't get to see you before curfew."

Victor's face fell. "Okay. Text me when you get back. If I'm still up, I'll call you. If not, I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"I don't mind if you stay," I said quickly. I didn't want to stand in the way of them seeing each other.

Benji raised his eyebrows at Victor who shrugged. "You can stay and watch. We can walk you home before we grab dinner," Victor suggested. He glanced at me. "Only if that's okay with you."

I nodded eagerly. "Of course."

Benji 'watching' turned out to be Benji helping Victor. It gave me time to watch them; I realized Victor hadn't been lying. They really were okay. I felt incredibly flattered to know he'd actually chosen me over Benji.

I ended up winning, but it was a pretty close game. Victor and Benji only lost by twelve points. Gabby, despite saying she almost never lost, came in last.

I was in really high spirits by the time we got home. I thought it had been the perfect day.

- . - . - . -

Isabel's POV

I was in the same position I'd been in the last three times we'd come here. I always sat down on one end of the couch and brought my knees to my chest. Something about being able to physically hold myself together like that made this whole thing so much more bearable.

Armando sat down on the other end of the couch. Carmella always had a stress ball ready near his seat. This week, the stress ball was shaped like a school bus. Armando immediately grabbed it. I thought it made him feel more at ease with this whole process.

We both hated it. We knew it was working. We'd gotten so much out of going to therapy, but it still felt weird to talk about our relationship with someone that was essentially a complete stranger. Not that we talked to her much; we mostly spent this time talking to each other.

"How's it going?" Carmella asked. She set her coffee down on the little table next to her armchair before she sat crisscrossed and picked up her clipboard. Her casual attitude had been surprising during our first session, but it did kind of make this feel like we weren't talking to a professional. Sometimes, I almost forgot she was there because she usually unleashed us on each other and only interjected if she felt like she had to.

"It's good," Armando said. He squeezed the school bus so hard, I could see every crack in the material. Carmella wrote something on her clipboard.

"And you, Isabel?"

"Same," I agreed. She wrote something else on her clipboard. I hated that clipboard. I was always paranoid about what she was writing. I glanced at Armando, and he shrugged. "Okay. Or… not."

Carmella stopped writing and looked up at me. "Or not?" she questioned.

"What are you writing?"

"What do you think I'm writing?"

"I think you're writing about how we're reluctant to open up to you," I told her. I'd seen enough dramas with someone in therapy to know what kind of stuff she must've been writing about us.

"Do you feel like you're reluctant to open up to me?"

So many questions were answered with questions in here. I groaned and hugged my knees a little tighter. She decided not to push it. "Roses and thorns of the past three weeks," she prompted.

It was how we started off every session. We talked about what was going well with our marriage, the roses, and what we struggled with, the thorns.

It was how we kicked off an hour of communication and trust exercises and hashing out two decades of problems that we'd pushed aside instead of working through. She always gave us 'homework' at the end of our session. Three weeks ago, it had been to plan a romantic gesture for the other because we'd talked about how our marriage had become more about our kids than ourselves. It had resulted in me planning a date night while Victor and Benji took Adrian out for ice cream and Armando having breakfast sent to me at work when I hadn't had a chance to eat it while getting ready and getting the kids out of the house. He'd also picked me up from the airport yesterday with flowers and a really sweet note, so he did extra credit. Sure, it had been homework, but it was still nice. It was the reminder we needed that there was still something here. After all this time, our spark was still there; we just needed to feed it.

Sometimes it felt like Carmella left us alone to talk to each other and only interrupted us if she felt like we were instigating a fight or getting off-topic or if she wanted to suggest a technique or exercise for us to try. I guess it allowed us to dive deeper and allowed her to get specific with the stuff she had us practice. Part of me thought this whole thing would be easier if she was more hands-on, but I kind of got why she gave us the space to explore everything on our own. It was probably one of the only reasons we'd agreed to a second session (and then a third and now a fourth and probably would agree to a fifth before we left today).

She'd warned us that therapy was full of contradictions. We showed up to talk to her but spent very little time actually talking to her. Our problems were complex and tangled yet simple solutions were supposed to help. We needed to talk about how we were hurt or upset or frustrated without placing blame. Things that shouldn't have fit together did and we were better for it. As she always said, 'feelings exist in a world of contradictions'. You can love someone which makes it so easy to hate the things they do. You can want to make something work, but do things that slowly wear away and break your relationship. With her, we figured out how to make those contradictions work with, instead of against, each other.

Today, we somehow got to talking about gratitude and how we express gratitude for the small things. Armando and I kind of looked at each other and realized that we couldn't remember the last time either of us had thanked the other for anything. Our homework this week was to find opportunities to genuinely express our gratitude for one another.

She wished us a Happy Valentine's Day before we stepped out of her office. Honestly, until she'd said it, I'd forgotten about Valentine's Day. I shouldn't have. Victor was hiking this weekend, and Pilar was in a committed relationship, which was great, but meant that we needed to figure out how to have a romantic Valentine's Day with Adrian.

- . - . - . -

Pilar's POV

I saw Ms. Albright when she stepped out into the Courtyard. She kind of looked like she was on a mission. I had nothing better to do because I was still waiting for Felix to show up and it was Victor and Benji's day to eat with Lucy and Lake, so I noticed when her eyes honed in on something.

Or, I should say someone.

More specifically, I should say Felix. He was in the process of giving Jordan an essay I knew he'd spent most of his night writing. From the look on her face, she knew exactly what was going down.

I was on my feet by the time Ms. Albright started to move. I got to Felix before she did and grabbed the paper from Jordan. "Thanks for getting this from my mom," I said loudly. I hoped Ms. Albright was within earshot, but I didn't think I could subtly look to find out, so I forced myself to keep looking at Felix like this was totally normal. "I can't believe I left this home; you're a lifesaver. Ms. Smith definitely wouldn't give me an extension on this. Since I found you, you don't need to give it to Jordan to get to me." Too many words. I knew it was too many words, but I couldn't help it. If Ms. Albright was close enough to hear, I wanted to create a foolproof story.

"What-" Jordan started.

"Right," Felix interrupted, catching on almost immediately. "Of course. Jordan, thanks for offering, but we're good." Felix put his arm around my shoulder. It wasn't until we turned away from Jordan that I saw Ms. Albright watching us with a disapproving look on her face. I tried to keep the smug smile off my face as I realized that she was close enough to have heard me.

If her pursed lips were anything to go off of, she definitely knew, but she didn't say anything as we passed her. I didn't let out the breath I was holding until we were inside.

"You can't keep doing this. You're going to get caught," I said frantically. "Ms. Albright was looking for you. That's not a coincidence."

"I can't stop. You know that."

"I know that money's still tight, but you can get in real trouble for this. She came to find you. They know, and school would really suck if you got expelled. Then I'd have to drop out too, and it would just spiral."

Felix smiled. "Oh, you'd have to drop out, huh?"

"Of course. And do you really want to be responsible for your girlfriend dropping out of school and giving up on her dreams?"

Felix chuckled. "You're ridiculous, you know that, right?" He twirled one finger through my hair. "My mom's still having trouble finding a job. She's not eligible for unemployment and no one wants to hire someone that stopped showing up for work because of their depression, no matter how much they promise that their depression is under control now. This is how we've been paying our rent and our electric bill and how I've been putting mediocre meals on the table."

"Let me help. I can get an after-school job. You can get an after-school job," I suggested.

"Jordan pays a hundred bucks for an essay. And he's one person. What other job does that?" he challenged.

"Sure, it pays more, but is it worth it? You're gonna get caught. It's not an if; it's a when," I told him. I looked down at the floor. "You were dealt a really shitty deck of cards, and you've done what you could with that deck. I'm really proud of how well you've managed it, but you can't keep this up. I want you to be happy and okay, and I'm worried that if you keep doing that… you won't be okay."

He sighed. "It scares me too. I don't like cheating. This may surprise you, but I wasn't exactly born to be bad. We're not in the clear until she gets a job and sticks with it."

"Can I talk to my dad about this? He's been complaining about how they're understaffed right now. They might have a position your mom could apply for. My dad does a lot of paperwork, so maybe he could use a receptionist or something."

He looked at me surprised. "You're asking my permission?"

"Of course," I told him. I cocked my head to the side. "She's your mom. I want you to stop doing the baseball team's homework, but I can't make that decision for you. Don't get me wrong. I really, really, really want to." He got a little teary-eyed. "What?"

"I just feel so, so lucky. If you could ask your dad about that, that would be amazing."

"Of course," I told him. I felt so relieved; I knew it wasn't a perfect solution, but it was something.

"The things you have done for me are so much more than I deserve. You've been there for me through everything and I… Pilar, I love you."

I stared at him with my jaw slightly agape as I was assaulted by so many unidentifiable emotions. I could sort through some stuff - the utter euphoria of knowing he loves me, the inexplicable terror, sudden feelings of inadequacy - they were all jumbled together with a bunch of other feelings that I couldn't begin to untangle. "I… have to go to the bathroom."

I practically ran in the opposite direction of the bathroom towards the cafeteria. It took a minute before I spotted Rahim sitting at a table with Courtney. They were looking at something on his phone when I walked up.

"Hey. Can I talk to you real quick?" I asked.

Rahim looked surprised but immediately climbed to his feet. "I'll be right back." He followed me out into the hallway. "What's wrong?"

"I just needed to talk to you. Felix… just told me he loves me."

"Okay," he said slowly. "This isn't exactly a surprise. That kid adores you. Why are you freaking out? You know you love him too."

"I know I do, but… he just thinks I'm this perfect person," I said slowly. "Maybe he doesn't love me, but only this idea he has of me."

"Here's the double standard because I say something like that and I'm being irrational. You say something like that and, what, you want my validation?" In defense of me, he was a pretty irrational person. He sighed in an overly exaggerated manner. "P, I'm sure someone saying they love you is a scary thing, but… this isn't the first time you've been in love and it's not the first time a guy has told you he loves you, so why are you freaking out?" I looked away from him. "A guy has told you he loves you before, right? You were with Erick for almost a year."

"I know. And… I said it to him, but he never said it back. He always said, 'me too' and it wasn't until Felix said it that I realized that."

"Oh my God," Rahim said. His eyes were big. "This might be the saddest thing to ever happen and I've watched a… totally normal yet numerous amount of tearjerkers. No wonder you're freaking out." He put his hands on my shoulders. "Felix is not Erick. The more you talk about Erick, the more I feel qualified to tell you that he was a jerk and you're better off without him. Go. Find Felix. He probably thinks you ran away from him." He frowned. "You did, didn't you? You ran?"

"I told him I needed to go to the bathroom and then… I didn't run. I walked away… very fast."

He sucked in his lips and nodded. "You are hopeless. Go find him. Talk to him. Enjoy the fact that you're with a really great guy who loves you." I started to turn away. "Oh, and P?" I glanced back at him. "Don't worry about Felix not loving the real you. In the words of the most inspirational woman on this planet…"

I sighed. " ," I guessed.

" ," he confirmed. "She once said, 'you are valued. You are a goddess, and don't forget that.' She's right; you're the total package, and Felix sees that." I smiled down at the floor before I nodded once. We stood there for a few minutes. "Since you, my irrational and misguided friend, are clearly not going to find Felix right now, do you want to sit with us? I wanna go on the record and say I still think you should talk to him but if you'd rather avoid him in a place as depressing as a high school cafeteria, I can't stop you."

I nodded eagerly and followed him to his table.

- . - . - . -

Victor's POV

"Happy Valentine's Day." I was at my locker when Benji kissed my cheek.

"Valentine's Day is Sunday," I told him.

"I know. I also know that you have something top secret planned that's going to start tomorrow because you asked Sarah to keep us off the schedule this weekend, so I figured my best bet to surprise you would be to celebrate today. It can be our own not-Valentine's Day." He looked at me nervously. "Should I not have?"

"No, I think it's sweet. But I have work. We both do," I reminded him.

He grinned at me. "No, we don't. I took the liberty of finding us coverage."

"You're serious?" I asked. He nodded. "How'd you manage that?" I had to jump through hoops to get our weekend off and that had been before Sarah had even made the schedule. The number of times she'd said, 'my schedule doesn't revolve around your hormonal interludes' when I asked her about it… I knew she wasn't technically wrong, but I gave her plenty of notice and it's not like I asked her to keep us off for an entire month. I only asked for two days, and she'd put us on the schedule every Friday in February because of it.

"I'm the Assistant Manager. Most people have trouble saying no to me when I ask them to work," he pointed out. Honestly, sometimes I forgot that Benji wasn't just another worker at Brasstown. He was Sarah's second in command.

"Wait. There was nothing in the GroupMe."

"Does romantic surprise mean nothing to you? Of course, I didn't post to the GroupMe."

I smiled. "Where are we going?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," he said mysteriously.

I couldn't help my laughter. "Fine. Don't tell me." I grabbed my notebook and shoved it in my bag before I closed my locker. I looped my hand through his. "Are we doing something now or later?"

He stood there with an excited smile on his face as he squeezed my hand. "Right now."

He pulled me after him as he led me to the closest bus stop. "Are we going to Midtown?" I asked when the bus pulled up.

"Yep," he said simply. He didn't provide any other information as we boarded the bus.

I tried to think about what there was to do in Midtown and figured he was taking me out to dinner or something.

I was partially wrong, and I was kind of happy to be wrong. Dinner was definitely on the agenda, but it wasn't our first stop. I nearly laughed when Benji brought me to a thrift store. "I know it's cheesy and it wasn't technically our first date, but it was kind of the day that started this all." He motioned between us.

I scoffed. "We started way before that and you know it." We'd had actual debates about this. We couldn't really figure out at what point our talking had shifted from friendly to flirty, but he admitted it happened way before Willacoochee. Was it when we danced to Call Me Maybe and it got stuck in his head so badly, he stayed up all night rearranging it so he could present it to his band? Was it when we moved the couch in front of the door to watch a really severe thunderstorm that neither of us wanted to walk home in after one of our Friday night shifts (his dad ended up coming out to get us a little after midnight to drive us home when it was clear that the rain wasn't going anywhere but we still spent hours sitting on that couch and talking in a way that only thunderstorms really allowed)? Was it when we spent a shift huddled over the special's board renaming all of the drinks to be the most ridiculous and hilarious (and usually inappropriate) puns? Or was it just a random day where a switch flipped? We didn't know.

I followed him into the store. "This is still a really sweet idea. Thank you."

I kissed his cheek before we started scouring the store for hidden treasures. It was so much fun. Benji and I dressed up in these really old suits and took a ton of pictures in ridiculous getups. There was a Prince Charmingesque costume that really worked for Benji and an outfit that kind of made him look like a poorly dressed sheriff in the wild west that had both of us cackling. Then Benji laughed so hard he nearly cried when I stepped out of the dressing room in a suit that kind of looked like a fabric machine exploded.

We found some cool stuff too; it wasn't all antiquated or hilarious. Benji found a Pink Floyd shirt that he was really, really excited about - he spent about an hour fawning over it before he decided to buy it.

The shopkeeper only made about ten comments that we needed to buy something or leave before it was time for our dinner reservation. Benji held up his shirt every time and said we were still browsing for other stuff; I didn't think the shopkeeper believed us until we went to check out.

Benji accidentally walked out in a cowboy hat because he honestly forgot that I'd put it on his head. I think the shopkeeper was so glad for us to leave that when Benji ran back inside to hand him the hat, he didn't make the slightest fuss about our almost theft.

Benji had made a reservation at this pseudo-French place with really good and affordable food. We'd come here a few times over the summer before I was out to the world and loved it every time.

It was kind of the perfect night for a not-Valentine's Day celebration.

- . - . - . -

Benji's POV

Victor showed up at my house just as we were finishing up breakfast. I didn't know what time to expect him. He'd just told me to be ready early when we'd parted at the bus stop last night.

He had a duffel bag hanging on his shoulder and what I could only describe as a mischievous smile on his face.

My parents didn't even look a little surprised to see him. They were in on it, I realized. "Victor," my mom greeted warmly. She pinched his cheek just like she did every single time she saw him.

My dad tossed him his keys, and I watched with my jaw slightly agape as Victor caught them with one hand. "Thanks." He gave both of my parents a warm smile. "I'll drive carefully."

"We know you will. Did you eat yet?" my dad asked. "We got bagels this morning and we have some extra."

"That would be great," Victor said appreciatively. He pocketed the keys and sat down as if nothing weird had just happened.

Victor and my parents made small talk while he ate and seemed oblivious to my increasingly incredulous stare.

I swear, Victor intentionally took longer to eat before he followed me to my bedroom. Even then, he refused to answer any questions about what we were doing this weekend. "You need to pack a bag," he said instead. I groaned as dramatically as I was capable of which only made his smile grow. "You'll know soon enough. I want to build the anticipation."

"Consider it built. What do I need to pack?"

"Bare minimum, an outfit for school on Monday. Otherwise, it doesn't really matter."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "We're going to be gone until Monday?"

He nodded. "Your dad is letting me drive his car straight to school, so we have to drop it off here before we go to work."

"Straight to school from where?"

"Where's your famous patience right now?"

I ignored his question. "Do I need to dress up or anything? Are we going out?"

"No. I don't care if you wear clothes at all this weekend."

I eyed him. "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic."

"I'm completely serious. We are not going anywhere where you need to be dressed any kind of way." He looked thoughtful. "Maybe something warm because there is an outdoor component to our weekend."

"Okay," I said slowly. I packed some comfortable clothing and something for Monday before I hitched my bag over my shoulder.

In retrospect, I should have realized that he was taking me to Lake Lanier. It was the only thing that made sense but I was still surprised when he pulled up to the cabin.

"I can't believe you got my parents to agree to a weekend away," I marveled. "I can't believe you got your parents to agree." His parents had gotten frustratingly good at saying no to us. It was great for a couple of months because his mom had definitely overcompensated for the time that she hadn't been okay with us, but after his aunt left… we suddenly had boundaries, and I kind of hated boundaries. I shouldn't complain because she was at least nice to me whenever Victor had me over and boundaries were probably long overdue. There was just no such thing as privacy anymore, and it was really hard to start with so much freedom and then have so many restrictions on when we could be together.

He suddenly looked guilty. "Um, so, yeah. You know… my parents might not know the exact details of where I am this weekend," he admitted. "And before you say anything, I didn't technically lie. I told them I was going hiking, and we will hike this weekend. My mom… she wouldn't have said yes. She likes you, but I don't think she's ready for us to be as serious as we are, and…" he sighed. "I just didn't want her to get in the way of this. It's been a while since we had any real alone time."

He wasn't wrong. We'd been working every single day after school. By the time we walked from school to my house, we only had fifteen minutes or so before we had to leave for work and that was only if we walked very fast.

"And what excuse did you feed my parents?" I asked.

"They were on board with it right away."

"Really?" I asked skeptically.

"No, but they came around in a few minutes. I told your mom we'd be hiking and stargazing and stuff like that."

"Hiking and stargazing sound nice," I told him.

"Oh, they will be. I just didn't give her our full itinerary."

"We have an itinerary?"

"Sort of." There was a knock on the door before he could elaborate.

"Who's that?"

"Probably Postmates. I ordered some groceries for our weekend."

I stared at him amazed. "When you said we weren't going anywhere, you meant it, didn't you?"

"I thought a weekend away from people and our cell phones would be kind of nice. I know it's not a big, sentimental thing like you did on Friday, but-"

"It's better," I interrupted. "It'll be just the two of us."

He made a point of taking out his phone and turning it off. "No distractions."

"That sounds amazing," I said softly.

It really was. It was nice to brave the cold about an hour before sunset to go hiking through the woods until we reached the top of a cliff that looked over the lake. It was great to snuggle under the thick blanket Victor had packed and watch the sun go down.

It was amazing to lie there and watch as the stars got brighter in the sky. There was something about the two of us under the massive, unending sky that made me feel particularly close to him. It was kind of like the space around us made us the only two people in the world.

That feeling didn't go away on Valentine's Day or when we slept through our alarm on Monday. Until we pulled up to school, we lived in a bubble.

- . - . - . -

Rahim's POV

We spent Valentine's Day at B's. Naturally. I should say we spent Valentine's Eve and the very early hours of Valentine's Day at B's. They were doing a Single's Awareness Mixer on Saturday. That wasn't a pity party; that's actually what they called it. Our entire group showed up and, within minutes, Ryker and I were left alone at our table.

"We need better friends," I complained. I didn't mean it. Part of me was jealous of the confidence most of our group had in themselves.

"No. We just need less horny friends." I snickered. They weren't wrong. My phone buzzed and I quickly read the text. "Speaking of horny. How is dear TJ?"

I rolled my eyes. "He's good. His parents took him to some cabin they own in the middle of the woods for the weekend."

"That sounds like a horror movie waiting to happen."

"That's what I said! TJ says there's nothing weird about a remote cabin in the woods if it has WiFi. I'm gonna tell him you're on my side." I typed back my response.

"Sucks that he's not here for Valentine's Day," Ryker observed.

I shrugged. I knew what they were getting at. "It wouldn't make a difference; I don't even know if he's ready."

"It's been a month and a half," they protested. "And you two text like 24/7. When Ms. Thomas asked you who you were texting in class the other day, you told her your parents were checking in to make sure you got in your hourly prayer to celebrate the… what was it? Festival of Scented Candles or something like that. Then you asked to be excused and didn't come back until the end of the period."

I smiled down at our table. I'd called TJ during his lunch break because he had a story about a substitute that was too long for a text. It was so worth it. Plus, I didn't think I was missing anything by skipping our riveting unit on the female reproductive system. "Yeah. And I'd be the biggest hypocrite in the world if I expected him to get over his boyfriend of seventeen months in less time than it took me to get over Victor," I pointed out.

Ryker's face lit up. "Do you hear what you just said?"

"Er." I frowned as I tried to recall my words. Maybe it was Cupid's Potion (it was the drink special this weekend in honor of Valentine's Day; it was the color of a sunset and tasted like strawberry lemonade - delicious!), but I was having trouble remembering what I said.

"You said you're over Victor."

"Well, yeah. I really think I am. It's hard to tell for sure. Things are just weird, you know. But…" But I was definitely falling for TJ. I just wasn't going to admit that out loud when we hadn't even started dating. TJ just… he got me. He was funny and sweet and didn't think I was weird… okay, he definitely thought I was weird, but he liked that I was weird.

"Probably because you've both been avoiding each other for three months," Ryker said dryly. When TJ and I started obsessively texting, Ryker got on my case about talking to Victor. In truth, I didn't know why we hadn't yet. It felt like such a hard conversation to have now that so much time had passed. What were we supposed to say?

At the same time, I knew we needed to talk. I needed closure if I ever had a chance of starting something with TJ, and I desperately wanted to start something with him. My phone buzzed. I chuckled. "TJ says you're a bad influence."

Ryker scoffed. "He won't feel that way when he's murdered," they argued. "I won't even feel bad for him. Do you know how easy it is to not get murdered?"

"I would argue that it's not that easy and it's more of a right place, right time, no psychopaths or vengeful exes in your path kind of situation."

This, naturally, launched a whole conversation about ways to murder people and how we could avoid being murdered in that particular way. We were discussing the logistics and feasibility of hiding a body in wet cement and how we could escape such a situation when Sabrina came back to our table. She slumped down in her chair.

"What's wrong?" Ryker asked.

"What is it about Valentine's Day that makes everyone want sex?" Sabrina grumbled. "I wanna Netflix and Cuddle not Netflix and Chill. Is that too much to ask for?"

"We can cuddle with you," I teased.

Sabrina rolled her eyes. "While you are surprisingly comfortable for someone that bony and tall, hard pass. I'll just grow old alone." Sabrina made a whole show of throwing herself onto the table. Everything with her was a performance; I thought it was why we got along so well. We were both always down to push our theatrics to the next level, and we had a system for it. Every time she wanted to burst into random song, she'd make a self-deprecating comment like that. She never meant them. She was quote-unquote dangerously in love with herself and despite her long string of rejections, she was optimistic that she would find someone that completely accepted her for who she was. I thought it was sweet in a lot of ways. And I was always down to harmonize.

"Oh, God. Why'd you say that?" Ryker asked. They put their head in their hands. No one was more embarrassed by our singing than them.

"Because I knew what would happen."

I bit my lip to try to keep my laughter in. It didn't work. "Are we feeling Kinky Boots or Dreamgirls?"

"I was actually thinking Gimme Gimme."

"Always down for some Millie." I coughed and started, "gimme gimme that thing called love."

Riley came over as Sabrina started singing. I guessed she struck out too. I had a feeling our group would slowly be filtering back to us as the night went on. Our options were limited as underage teenagers who were sneaking into a gay bar. We knew of a few other people that weren't specifically part of our group but that were around our age, but I didn't see any of them tonight.

"Thank God. Someone sane," Ryker said.

"I actually love this song."

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

"Yeah. I am," Riley said with a huge smile. "Do you want to go get a drink while they… do this?" She motioned between us. It only made us sing louder.

"Yes," Ryker said eagerly.

I knew Ryker said there was no point in telling Riley how they felt, but I hoped they would at some point because they were really sweet together. If singing with Sabrina pushed them closer together… well, that was an added perk. Plus it was always hilarious when people outside our group joined in.

Matt got back to the table as we were finishing the song and he hummed along as we dragged out the last line.

"Better?" I asked Sabrina.

She laughed. "Nothing like a musical pick-me-up. Should we go tell Riley and Ryker it's safe to come back?"

I glanced at the bar. Riley had her hand on the back of her neck and was smiling. Ryker looked thrilled and was standing just a little too close to Riley for it to be platonic. "Nah. Give them a minute. They'll come back when they're ready."

"When are those two gonna get their shit together?" Sabrina asked.

I didn't comment. I knew that it would be a long time before they got their shit together, but Ryker hadn't necessarily told our group everything about their feelings for Riley. They said they didn't want to complicate the group dynamic. Plus, they'd justified that Riley hadn't applied to a single college in Georgia, so why bother? At this point, they'd get a few months together before they'd need to make the decision about long-distance or a break-up, and it didn't change that coming out still wasn't an option for Ryker.

I hated to admit it, but I got where Ryker was coming from. I was really glad I didn't have to think about that with TJ. He was already planning on going to Emory University because he was pretty sure he'd get in and was in love with their pre-med program. I wasn't totally sure that continuing school was my thing, especially when I found high school so unbearable that I skipped it as often as I did. Though, my attendance had gotten drastically better since I started talking to TJ (Festival of Scented Candles being the exception, and I'd only cut class, not school). Something about his high expectations for school must've been rubbing off on me or something.

The second midnight came around, I got a text from TJ to wish me a happy Valentine's Day. He sent me a picture of him making a heart with his hands. This guy. I couldn't.

- . - . - . -

Felix's POV

A little before noon, there was a knock on my door.

"Are you expecting someone?" My mom asked uncertainly. We were in the process of cleaning and reorganizing everything in our kitchen, so every appliance, dish, and utensil we owned were out in the living room. It was part of our genuine attempt to reclaim our apartment and turn it into a livable space for us now that she was okay. We were doing pretty well with it.

"I don't know." I could hope it was Pilar, but I wasn't sure. I hadn't seen her since I told her I loved her on Friday, and I couldn't fully shake the feeling that I'd ruined everything. With Lake, I'd waited a long time to tell her I loved her because I knew it would freak her out, but I hadn't worried about that with Pilar. Maybe I should have.

My heart pounded as I opened the door. Pilar was standing there in a dress. Her back was to me, but she turned to face me and the smile that lit up her face made all of my worries wash away.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hi. I didn't know you were going to come up here."

My mom walked to my side and her face lit up. I'd fed her a poorly executed excuse about Pilar having a family thing yesterday, but she'd noticed that I'd been sulking in my bedroom. She was probably just as excited as I was for Pilar to be here.

"Yeah. I got roped into babysitting detail tonight so my parents can go out, so I was hoping that you might be down for grabbing some lunch." She glanced behind me. "If you don't have anything else to do, that is. I don't want to get in the way."

"Of course he's free, sweetie," my mom said eagerly. "Go on. We can finish this later."

"Yeah, now works. Just give me a second to get dressed."

She was waiting for me outside when I emerged from my apartment ten minutes later. She didn't make any attempt to move; instead, she chewed on her lip. "I'm sorry about Friday."

"Hey, if you're not ready to say it back, you're not ready. That's okay."

"That's not it," she said quietly. "A guy has never said that to me before… well, not one that I'm not related to, and it kind of freaked me out way more than I thought it would."

"Why?" I asked. I hoped my voice was gentle.

"Because it's really scary," she explained. "To know that someone cares that much about me when they don't have to. My family has to love me. You don't."

"I don't have to, but it's how I feel," I told her.

"I know that. Mostly," she said. She opened and closed her mouth before she brought her hand to her chest. "I am terrified of getting burned again because I thought I was in love once before, but it didn't feel anything like this and… and he dropped me the second it was hard to be with me." She let out a shaky breath. "You are really important to me. When you told me you loved me, it made me feel special and amazing, but it also terrified me because I can't quite get rid of this feeling that you're going to wake up one day and see me for who I am."

I would have told her that she was being ridiculous, but she was doing the thing she did every time she wanted to play it cool but was really saying something that was hard for her to get out. She always ducked her head and shifted like she was intentionally making herself look relaxed.

I took her hands in mine. "Pilar, I can't say that we're going to be together forever, but I can say that you don't need to be afraid that I'm going to suddenly see you differently. I know you have trouble believing it, but I see you. The real you. The 'you' you don't let anyone else see and I will spend as much time as it takes making sure you see yourself that same way."

I could tell she was trying not to smile, but her lips twitched up despite her efforts. "You're great, you know that? You spend all this time hyping up everyone around you, but I hope you see how amazing you are."

I looked at her surprised. "Thanks." Other than Victor, no one had said anything like that to me. I looked away from her and shifted on my feet. I usually reserved my doubts for Victor because it was so much easier to talk to him about this stuff.

Pilar must have noticed because that girl noticed everything. "I'm serious," she said. "You're funny and weird and yourself. You say that I'm the most thoughtful person you know, but… you're that person, not me. And you deserve someone that will be completely honest with you. What I should have said on Friday was that I am really scared to be with you, but I love you too."

I was flying. That's what was happening. I wrapped my arms around her and for a minute, I just held her. "This might be the best Valentine's Day ever."

"It might be," she agreed. "Where did you want to go for lunch?"

"I have an idea." I led her back into my apartment for a minute to grab a blanket. We stopped at Brasstown for coffee and muffins before I led her to a little park. It wasn't the best lunch, but I thought it was okay for an impromptu Valentine's date. We came here all the time to get privacy because, between her mom and my mom, we were never really alone.

We sat under a tree sipping coffee and throwing bits of muffin at each other in the hopes we would catch them in our mouths. When we finished eating, Pilar shifted so she was facing me. "If you bought me something, I will return it," she warned. "I'm not worth a plagiarized essay."

"You are, but I didn't think you'd want me to buy you anything, so instead, I made you this." I handed her an envelope. She pulled out the card I made her.

"It's scary how much I like you," she read quietly. She traced my attempt at a ghost before she opened the card. "Oh my God. Did you make me coupons?"

"I figured it has probably sucked dating me when I can't take you out on actual dates. You've been great about taking me out on dates or pretending that things like this count as a date, but…"

"It's 2021, Felix. I can pay to take my boyfriend out," she said dryly.

"No, I know. That's not what I mean. I don't mind if you pay, I just hate that you always have to pay, so these are some of the dates I could think of that we could go on when things get a little better," I explained.

"I love this. Thank you." She kissed me before she knelt in front of me. "I made you something too, but it's not necessarily something we can do together."

I looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

From the pocket of her dress, she pulled out a folded-up piece of paper. "I spent some time the last two days looking into jobs that you might be able to do," she explained. "Jobs that don't include doing homework for other kids and will hire if you're under 18. They were surprisingly hard to find."

"You… found jobs that I can apply to?" I looked down at the list. There were twelve jobs listed. Under each, she'd written the pros and cons.

She looked away from me. "I know it's not really romantic, but I figured if it stops you from getting expelled, it's worth it to blow one Valentine's Day."

"You didn't blow it. Pilar, this is kind of amazing." I put it in my jacket pocket. I was definitely going to look through it more tonight. "Thank you."

She snuggled into my shoulder and after a minute, tilted her head up so I could kiss her.

We didn't stop until some random, bitter jogger told us to get a room. As if we'd be out here if we had a private room to make out in. "You could come over," Pilar suggested as we walked back to our apartments. "I'm probably just going to put on a movie with Adrian, so it will be a lowkey night. Use our WiFi to look at those jobs."

"Your parents won't mind?" I confirmed.

"I doubt it. They know we're not going to do anything with Adrian home."

I almost asked her if she was getting close to wanting to do something, but the words kind of got stuck in my chest. I knew it was something we needed to talk about eventually, but we'd reached a huge milestone today, and I felt okay with waiting. At least for a little bit.

"Yeah. Let me grab my laptop and I'll come over. I can get started on looking through some of these." I patted my pocket where her list sat. "We'll turn this into something that we can do together."

"Deal."

Her parents were still getting ready when I knocked on the door. Her mom answered it as she was putting her earrings in. "Felix. Hi." She looked surprised to see me, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that Pilar hadn't told her I was coming over.

"Felix is going to watch a movie with me and Adrian," Pilar supplied as she came out of her room.

Her mom pursed her lips but nodded. "I'm surprised you're here. When Victor said he was going hiking with some friends, I assumed you'd be with him."

I immediately looked away from her because eye contact and lying didn't work for me. I knew perfectly well that Victor hadn't told his mom he was going away with Benji for the whole weekend, but I'd kind of forgotten I was part of his cover story. "Oh, you know me. My delicate complexion can't take the sunlight. And don't get me started on mosquitoes. My veins are impossible to resist." Were mosquitoes even a thing in February? I really hoped so.

I didn't know if it was her mom sense or what, but she pinched the bridge of her nose and said something in Spanish that sounded very angry. "Is he with Benji? Benji is the group of friends he's going hiking with?"

"I really wouldn't know," I lied.

"Felix, you are dating my daughter, so I'm gonna give you a second chance to tell me the truth. Whether you ever have our respect and how welcoming we will continue to be of you depends on how you answer this question. Where is Victor?"

Pilar looked mortified, but wow… Izzy Salazar for the win because she backed me into a corner. "Victor is hiking this weekend," I said feebly. "But, yes. He's with Benji. He took him to a cabin that Benji's family owns."

"I'm so stupid," she muttered. "I should have known." She stormed off to her bedroom and I could hear her talking to Armando in Spanish.

"Uh oh," I muttered.

Pilar shrugged. "He'll get over it. On the bright side, I think you distracted them enough that she forgot you're staying here once they leave."

I didn't distract them. When they were about to leave, they sent Adrian to his room and essentially told us if we ever wanted to see each other again, we wouldn't even think about touching one another. It was surprisingly effective. Victor was right. They'd gotten very good at boundaries.

- . - . - . -

Lake's POV

We'd mutually decided not to celebrate Valentine's Day… okay, Lucy decided and I went along with it because I didn't want to fight with her, but it kind of felt weird to be surrounded by so many cutesy posts and pictures about Valentine's Day and not be a part of that.

After a few hours of trying to distract myself with homework, I gave up and called Lucy.

I didn't wait for her greeting. "I know we're not celebrating Valentine's Day, but we can still hang out, right?"

Lucy laughed on the other end of the phone call. "I was kind of hoping you wouldn't last the whole day," she admitted. "I have to watch my grandpa until four, but I'm free after that. Unless you want to come over. He keeps calling me Maureen and telling me I'm cheating at Uno, so I wouldn't mind the company."

I'd met her grandfather once and it was super intense. He'd insisted I was there to rob him and kept asking Lucy to make me leave - I eventually hid out in her bedroom until her dad got home. I knew it wasn't his fault and it was his Alzheimer's, but it was kind of terrifying. I didn't really want to be around that, but he was a huge part of Lucy's world and she was becoming a huge part of mine.

"I'll come over," I said after a long silence.

"Great."

I got to Lucy's house thirty minutes later. She called, "come in" when I knocked, and I stepped inside to see her putting a tray of food in front of her grandfather.

"Hi, Mr. Hayes," I greeted.

He didn't acknowledge me. For all I knew, he might not know he was Mr. Hayes today. "I don't want this," he said grumpily. He poked the sandwich Lucy had made him.

Lucy rolled her eyes at me and I could see the strain in her face. She hadn't been joking that she could use the company. "You said you wanted turkey and cheese. Would you rather ham?"

"I do not want a sandwich," he snapped.

"Then what do you want?" Lucy asked.

Her grandfather only looked confused. He took a bite of the sandwich and leaned back in his chair.

"A sandwich it is," Lucy muttered as she walked over to me. "He's been like this all morning. I'm hoping he'll take a nap after lunch."

"Where's your dad?" I asked.

"He said he had to go into the office, but we all knew this was gonna be a tough day for him," Lucy said. She looked at me nervously. "All holidays are tough, but my mom's birthday was Valentine's Day, so he always disappears for the day."

"Are you okay? I can leave if you need to be by yourself today." I suddenly understood her reluctance to celebrate Valentine's Day.

She shrugged. "I didn't think I'd want to see you today, but I feel like… please stay." Her voice was so small and quiet.

"Of course. Whatever you need. Why didn't you tell me it was your mom's birthday?" I'd spent the last week thinking that she was irrationally against Valentine's Day. It was my first Valentine's Day in a relationship and I'd been entirely prepared to turn it into a huge deal until she told me that she wasn't 'feeling' Valentine's Day.

"It's really hard to think about," she said quietly. Her eyes found her granddad. "Valentine's Day used to be such a big deal around here. We celebrated my mom for a full week. She always said, 'my birthday should be a holiday… oh, wait. It is.' She thought she was so funny." Lucy's smile was short-lived. "The idea of celebrating today without her…"

"It's okay. I'm glad I know now." I took her hand and squeezed. "Do you ever do anything to celebrate your mom? I know it's not the same thing, but every year on my stepdad's mom's birthday, he takes off of work. We always have her favorite meal for dinner and spend the day together doing some of the stuff she liked to do. He said it hurts less when he lets himself remember her." She passed away before my mom met him, but she still makes a point of being there for him that day.

Lucy let out a shaky breath. "I don't think I could handle doing something by myself."

"Where's Logan?"

"He's with his girlfriend. He got the morning, and I get tonight," she explained. "He has a test tomorrow, so he'll be back to study for it." Logan was in his sixth year of college and was slated to graduate in May. He'd enrolled as a part-time student just so he could help out with their grandfather, which I thought was pretty amazing because, according to Lucy, he'd gotten into some prestigious colleges. Not that Georgia State wasn't a good school, but he'd gotten into an ivy league.

"Well, I could do something with you if you want. Or we could do nothing. Whatever you want. Whatever you need, I'm here."

"First, I need to make sure he eats his lunch." She let out an exasperated sigh. "Pop, you need to eat that whole thing," Lucy called before she went back to her grandpa.

"I don't want it." He took the top piece of bread and threw it across the family room. Lucy let out a frustrated groan.

She ended up making him chicken fingers that he spent forty minutes critiquing until he fell asleep in the recliner. "At least he ate," she muttered. She glanced at the clock above the oven. "My brother should be home in an hour. He'll probably sleep until then."

I followed her to her bedroom. She left her door wide open because she needed to be able to hear if something happened with her grandfather.

I sat down next to her and leaned back against the headboard. She rested her head on my shoulder. I didn't say anything. If this was what she wanted to do today, we'd sit here in silence. "This is our third Valentine's Day without her. I keep thinking about her last birthday. We knew she was sick, but it was before they told us that the cancer spread to her lungs and her liver. She knew, but she never let on. I think she wanted us to have one last celebration with her before we'd have to say goodbye. She passed less than two months later."

A tear trailed down Lucy's cheek and I wiped it away before I wrapped my arms around her. She adjusted herself so her head was resting on my chest. "Can you tell me about your mom?"

"She was… the best," Lucy whispered. "I know a lot of people say that about their mom, but I mean it with her. She always wanted us to do stuff together because she said that memories were so much more precious than things. She insisted that blue m&ms tasted different than the other colors. She was a teacher. I like to think she was the kind of teacher that inspired her students. A ton of her colleagues came to her funeral and they all said that she made them remember why they became teachers in the first place."

"She sounds pretty special."

"She was. I'm sorry you'll never get to meet her."

"Me too." Lucy had talked about her mom before, but she'd never really gone deep with it. I hadn't realized how close she'd been with her.

"I think she would have liked you."

Before I could figure out what to say to that, Logan called, "Luce?"

Lucy stood up and rubbed her eyes. "One sec."

I followed her out when she went to talk to Logan. "You're early," she said.

He shrugged. "We finished lunch earlier than we thought. Ashley's gonna come by tonight. I think we're gonna make a cake for mom if you want to join us."

I glanced over at Lucy who looked surprised. "We've never done anything like that before," she said slowly.

"I just felt like… mom wouldn't have wanted us to spend today mourning her. She, more than anyone, would have wanted us to celebrate her."

Lucy looked at me. "Do you think you might want to stick around for that?"

I nodded. "Of course." I really wished I could have held her hand or something, but we hadn't told Logan about us yet. Mostly because we hadn't told anyone about us yet.

"What are you doing for Valentine's Day? Are you gonna celebrate with that special someone?" He winked at me. Okay, so maybe we hadn't told him, but he definitely knew.

Lucy punched his arm and he let out a sound of indignation. "Ow!"

"That's what you get. We're gonna take Addie for a walk." She pointed towards her grandfather. "He went down… maybe forty minutes ago. I got him to eat some chicken fingers, but he's been in a mood this morning," she told him.

"Welcome to my world. I've been telling you that mornings are rough for him."

"Yeah, but you also say it's rough when we're out of mac and cheese," Lucy tossed back. "Excuse me if I had trouble believing you."

"That is rough," Logan protested. "Mac and cheese is delicious. One day, Ash and I will serve only mac and cheese at our wedding."

"And you'll watch your wedding guests disappear," Lucy tossed back. I watched them go back and forth amazed; I thought they were hilarious. Lucy once told me that the more that they bantered, the closer they felt. I didn't know if that was a sibling thing or what. It made me wish that my mom had had another kid, but I knew I'd been a surprise. She hadn't even considered not having me, and I knew she loved me more than anything, but she had never been one of those people that planned to have a family. Even when she was little, her dreams had been about her career. "When's that going to happen anyway? She's been asking you for two years."

"I told her not until I have a job and know where that job is going to take me." He made a face. "I know she thinks she's getting old, but 25 isn't that old. We'll have plenty of time to start a family." If I had to take a guess, I probably would have thought Lucy was the older sibling. She wasn't. Logan was seven years and four days older than her. She always said Logan was a surprise. Her mom had been eighteen when she got pregnant with him, but they'd chosen to have Lucy. It was the one thing Lucy never teased him about; she said there were lines she wouldn't cross.

Lucy shook her head. "If you told me that Logan Haynes, Mr. Ew, Why Does It Smell, would be starting a family one day."

"In defense of me… I still think Harry is a smelly kid."

Lucy chuckled.

"Um… who is Harry?" I asked uncertainly.

"Our cousin. Our Aunt Jerry got a job in Europe…" Lucy glanced at Logan. "In Rome?" Logan nodded. "Two years ago. They haven't been back since, but we make a point of doing a Skype call with her every couple of months. Logan and I are probably going to go visit her after I graduate high school."

"Why you and Logan?" I asked surprised. "Why not your dad?"

Lucy and Logan looked deeply uncomfortable. "We have to walk the dog. Addie!" Lucy called. I could hear the soft patter of her feet as she ran towards the kitchen. "Wanna go for a walk?" Lucy held up the leash and Addie got so excited that she started turning in circles and doing this half jump thing.

When we got outside, I didn't even have a chance to ask before Lucy said, "Aunt Jerry is my mom's twin sister. They're identical. My dad can't take seeing her. It brings up too much. It was really hard when she came to the funeral, but what were we going to say? You look like our mom, don't come. She had a right to be there. It's just like… we had to say goodbye to our mom while it looked like her ghost was there."

I tried to wrap my head around losing someone so important to me and then seeing someone that looked just like her. I couldn't imagine. "It must be hard to stay in touch with her."

Lucy shrugged. "She's our aunt. You don't just drop family because it gets tough." Her words made me shiver. We walked in silence for a couple of minutes until she hesitantly asked, "what would you think about telling someone about us?"

I stopped walking and, after taking two more steps, Lucy did the same. "Oh." It probably shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. "Wow."

Lucy looked down at the sidewalk intently. "I know it's a lot to ask and that you weren't ready to put a label to this. We still don't need to do that if you don't want to, but… it's really hard to pretend that you're just my friend when I like you so much. And I'm like 99% sure that Benji has figured it out."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Or, he's at least figured out that I like you. I think that's what he and Victor were talking about before we got to lunch on Friday."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because Benji brings you up every time we hang out now, and he never used to do that."

I frowned. That was unexpected. I didn't think we were acting any different in front of him. It was kind of hard to tell because everything felt so normal and natural when I was with Lucy.

"So, you want to tell Benji and Victor?" I confirmed.

"I said Benji, but yeah. I wouldn't mind telling both of them. And maybe my brother."

"Well, we both know your brother knows so I'm fine with telling him," I said. I was pretty sure he was just waiting for us to tell him. He'd given us this whole monologue about how much he respected women that were famously out when I'd stayed for dinner a couple of weeks ago and he was always making little comments, so it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on.

"But you're not ready to tell Victor and Benji?" Lucy asked. She turned to face me. "Why?"

"I love Benji and Victor. You know I love them. I was one of the first people they told." I didn't add that I was only one of the first people because Felix was the very first person, and I was with him when they told him. "I always thought I was super progressive because I love the two of them. They're, like, my favorite couple and I would be just as heartbroken as them if they ever break up, but when it comes to me, it feels different. I know that it shouldn't be a big deal to tell them because… they're them, but… I don't know." I felt slimy as I explained that because I knew it was the mother of all double standards, but it really did feel different.

"This gets to be scary. I'm scared too. I'm more scared that if we don't tell someone, then we'll never tell anyone." She moved so she was standing in front of me. "We've been together for six weeks and I've loved this time with you, but I'm ready to spend time with you outside of our houses. We don't have to tell them right now, but will you think about it?"

I closed my eyes. It felt like too much too soon, but she was right. I was terrified to admit it out loud because that would make this real, but it was real. "We'll tell them soon," I promised. "I mean… they can't not be okay with us, so that shouldn't be too hard, right?"

Lucy snorted. "I don't think it'll be easy. It'll still be the first time that we tell people that we're together." She looped her hand through mine.

"If I told them you were my girlfriend, would I be telling the truth?"

"I thought you weren't ready for labels," she said quietly.

"I'm not ready to label who I am," I corrected. Mostly because I had no clue. I'd never considered that I might be attracted to girls until I talked to Lucy at the wedding. That had hit me hard and fast, so who was I to say who I may or may not be attracted to in the future? "But calling you my girlfriend? That feels right."

I'd never seen Lucy smile as big as she did at that moment. "Then I think I have a girlfriend." She glanced around before she gave me a quick kiss.

I wished it didn't make me as anxious as it did. I started walking again, but only got a few steps before Addie ran between Lucy's legs and then through mine, effectively tangling us in the leash. We looked at each other and started laughing. I couldn't stop. It wasn't even that funny; I thought we both just needed to get out the tension of our conversation, and the tension of the day.

- . - . - . -

Mia's POV

"Why am I wearing a blindfold?" I asked for the twentieth time.

"Will you calm down? I'm not leading you to the middle of nowhere to kill you or anything," Andrew told me.

"You know, I wasn't worried about that until you brought it up."

Andrew chuckled. "Let me surprise you a little today. You've been calling all the shots on this road trip. This is the one day a year that I get to take the reins and be a little romantic."

"I haven't been calling all of the shots," I grumbled.

"It's a compliment." I felt the car stop and heard Andrew's door open and close. I guessed that we'd been in the car for about an hour, but I was pretty sure a good amount of that time had been spent going in circles somewhere because I counted 16 right turns without a single left turn and that just didn't seem geographically feasible to me.

Andrew helped me out of the car. I stood right outside the car for a minute while he did… God knows what.

"Okay. You can take off your blindfold."

I eagerly pulled it off and froze. "Is that…?"

"The Eiffel Tower. Sort of."

"Why is it wearing a cowboy hat?"

"Welcome to Paris… Texas."

"You're kidding," I said quietly. I looked back at the medley of colorful lights that illuminated the structure.

"Nope. I can't take you somewhere romantic like actual Paris, but I hope this is a close second." He pointed behind me and I turned to see that the trunk of my car was open. He'd put down the back seats and had turned it into a veritable picnic. "My plan was to set this up on the grass over there, but it rained, so I thought you might be more comfortable here."

"Andrew, this is… I mean, wow."

"Happy Valentine's Day." He kissed me softly before he helped me climb into the back of the car. "I know it's not the best, but it was the best I could do from the road."

"It's perfect. Seriously."

"Then why don't you look happy?"

I looked down at the rough fabric that lined the back of my seats. "I am happy. I just… you've been so amazing since we left. We've been gone for three months and you haven't complained once." I looked up at him. "Do you regret it? Dropping everything to come with me?"

"Not even a little," he promised. "This has been amazing. We've seen so many things that we may never have seen otherwise and… I wouldn't take this back for anything. This chance to be with you and see more of the world. It'll be worth the summer school if your dad can't swing this being something for college credit."

I didn't need the reminder that we were in danger of failing our Junior year due to poor attendance even if we completed all of our missing work. My dad said he was working on it, but I wasn't sure there was anything he could do. There weren't many things that actually excused missing three months of school and, while I thought this was a worthy cause, I doubted the powers that be at school would agree.

"I feel the same way." I looked back at the Eiffel Tower. I'd thought the cowboy hat was weird when I first saw it, but it was growing on me. "I can't believe you took me to Paris. This is really romantic for you."

"I am very romantic," he deadpanned.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "My birthday cake was a pop-tart with a candle in it."

"It was the best I could do when we were running around all day meeting your mom's friends and trying to find someone that was still in touch with her," he protested. "And candles are romantic."

I couldn't help my laugh. "You're right. It was very romantic."

"You haven't seen anything yet." He reached into a picnic basket that I hadn't noticed yet. He pulled out a white styrofoam to-go container. "I thought you were going to notice that the car idled longer than a red light, but you didn't say anything when I got back in the car."

I actually hadn't noticed and when I opened the container, I found myself smiling ridiculously. "Did you get grilled cheese?"

"Of course," he said like there wasn't anything else he could have gotten me this Valentine's Day.

We spent the night eating grilled cheese surrounded by the lights of the Eiffel Tower. No offense to Paris, France, but it didn't have anything on Texas.

- . - . - . -

Armando's POV

"Will you stop thinking about the kids?" I asked. Isabel had practically been glued to her phone since we got to the restaurant. She'd tried calling Victor from the car, but his phone had gone right to voicemail. "You're not going to get him home by staring at your phone."

"The find my phone feature isn't working," she said. "Do you think I'm doing it wrong? I should call Pilar."

"Isa, stop. If it's not working, his phone is probably off. Or he turned off that feature. He'll be home tomorrow and we can figure this out then."

"Why aren't you more upset about this? He lied to us."

"Yes, and… are you surprised?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would you have said yes?"

"I don't know." Frustration tinged her voice. "I never had the chance to think about it because he never asked."

"Isa, you haven't exactly been receptive to Victor talking about having some… privacy with Benji."

"I have been more than supportive," she argued. Her face contorted with surprise. "Did you know?"

"I suspected," I admitted. "I didn't think Victor would spend Valentine's Day away from Benji for a hiking trip." I was a little surprised that she hadn't seen through the lie because those boys were inseparable these days.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Don't you remember what it was like to be seventeen and in love?"

"He's sixteen," she shot back. "He's too young to be going away for the weekend with his boyfriend. I love Benji and, more than I can put words to, I love that Victor has someone in his life that he can be completely himself with. Even if Benji doesn't end up being the one, I will love him forever for being the person that helped Victor find himself. But, Mando, he's just a teenager."

"You and I both know Victor has never been just a teenager. That kid is the most responsible person in the world, and he's been through a lot this past year. We put him through a lot this past year." I thought it was very gracious of me to say that 'we' put him through a lot when it was almost entirely Isa.

"That doesn't mean he gets to just do whatever he wants. You make me feel like I'm crazy, but he's not an adult. He hasn't been with Benji for years; they've only been together nine months. I understand that he had a rough time for a while, and I'm glad that things are going so well for him and Benji right now, but there still need to be boundaries. I have been trying lately, but I feel like you're undermining me at every turn."

Part of me knew she was right, but I felt like she was missing something really big. "He had a rough time because of you," I said slowly. "Because you put yourself in front of our son." Isabel looked at me stunned. "I'm sorry if you disagree, but it changes things. Things were very hard for him for a long time and now they get to be easy. How can you justify boundaries now when we… when you wanted him to hide his relationship the first six months they were together? I'm not surprised that he didn't feel like he could tell us what he had planned. Three months of you trying to support him doesn't change the six months that you didn't." I sat back in my seat with my arms crossed. "I know that you're trying but if you don't make it so Victor can talk to you about what he's doing with Benji, you can't get upset when he doesn't talk about it and when he has to sneak behind your back to spend time with his boyfriend."

"He knows he can talk to me," she protested.

"Does he?" I challenged. "He can tell you some stuff, but-" I cut myself off. I actually knew exactly how Victor felt about this because we'd talked about it. He felt like things were easier on Isa if he didn't tell her everything. Even if Victor hadn't intended to talk to me about it, it had been really difficult for him to open up about it, and I didn't want to undermine the trust he'd put in me.

"But what?" Isabel asked. Her eyes flashed.

"Nothing."

"No, it's clearly something."

"Yeah. It's something that you would know if Victor could talk to you." I closed my eyes. "It's Valentine's Day. I really don't want to fight with you."

She crossed her arms. "Yeah. Fine. Whatever."

We might as well have gone home and fought it out because she was cold as ice after that. It only got worse when Shelby stopped by our table while we were waiting for the check. She didn't try to cause drama. She'd just caught my eye and I guess she thought it would be less awkward to say 'hi' than it would be to pretend she hadn't seen us.

I wish she'd just kept walking because one fight, I felt like we had a chance of working through. But two? Not a prayer.

Isa was seething, but she didn't say anything. She just kept making huffy noises under her breath. The entire ride home was a nonstop string of her frustrated exhales.

I expected a massive blow-out when we got home, but she went to our bedroom without talking about what had transpired at dinner.

I spent the night on the couch.

- . - . - . -

Benji's POV

This was torture. Actual torture. Isabel stood in front of us angrily scoffing every couple of seconds. When Victor turned his phone back on when we got to the school he had nearly a dozen texts from his mom including one that said we better be at his apartment right after school 'or else'. The 'or else' scared Victor enough that he hadn't even considered blowing off his mom. We didn't know how she'd figured it out. He'd texted my dad to ask if he could drop off the car after work, and my dad had already agreed.

We walked in and she sat us down on the couch before she assumed her pacing position. "Can you say something? We have work in…" Victor glanced at his watch. "Fifteen minutes."

His mom's expression tightened but, otherwise, she continued her pacing like he hadn't said anything.

It turned out, she was waiting for Victor's dad to get home because once he walked in, she started in on us. Victor seemed to think I was in danger of snapping because he braved his mom's glare to grab my hand. A quick glance at him told me how anxious he was for this, so I kept my mouth shut. I'd told him I'd go along with him when it came to his family, and this had really been my first chance to put my money where my mouth was. I was determined to show him that I could do this even if I wanted to defend Victor's decision to go away with me this weekend. I didn't know how Victor sat there and listened to his mom call him irresponsible and tell him that it was a betrayal of trust that he hadn't told her.

And, yeah, Victor probably shouldn't have lied about what he was doing, but I didn't blame him. He said his mom was trying, but it was easier for him to keep her in the dark with some things. I think he was afraid that he'd say the wrong thing and she'd regress to where she was before which was all kinds of messed up. He considered it a victory that I was allowed over and, as long as we didn't get too physical, his mom was cordial with me. Sometimes, she even seemed to like me as much as Victor insisted she did.

I was pretty sure that was all gone now.

I was surprised when Victor spoke up at the end of her lecture. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you what I was doing this weekend. It was wrong of me to lie. After everything we've been through, I just wanted to make our first Valentine's Day together special. When Benji's parents agreed to it, I got so excited and I guess I didn't want to risk that you'd say no."

"Wait. Benji's parents knew?" Armando asked.

Victor glanced at me. "Yeah. I told them you already okayed it, so they didn't know I hadn't told you," he said quickly. I think he thought his dad was upset, so we were both confused when he shot a pointed look towards Isabel.

"Go to your room," Isabel snapped. "Door wide open."

We'd barely sat down on Victor's bed before Adrian walked in. "Why is mom paying me twenty bucks to stand in here?"

Victor looked up at the ceiling before he forced a smile on his face. "Because she knows I missed you this weekend." He shifted away from me and patted the empty space between us. "We have to go to work soon, but we have a few minutes."

Every single time we went over to Victor's apartment over the next two weeks, someone was with us. When Adrian had a classmate's birthday party one Saturday morning, Victor's parents (really, it was just his mom) checked in on us every five minutes. I kid you not. We were genuinely just doing homework before we had to go to work, but the way she was acting, you would have thought homework was foreplay.

After his mom checked for the fourth time that Victor didn't magically find laundry from his position on his bed, I asked, "do you want to get out of here?"

"Yes," he answered immediately.

He didn't bother with his school books as he threw on his shoes. "We're going to work," he called as we walked out the door.

"Really? Work?" I asked once we were out of his apartment. We still had an hour and a half until work.

"We are going to work eventually," he pointed out. "Do you want to tell my mom we're leaving because she's driving us nuts?"

"Fair enough."

When we got to my house, my parents were gone. "Thank God," I muttered. My house had almost been as bad as Victor's apartment. My mom had taken up vacuuming; I didn't think I had ever seen my mom vacuum before. She was as upset as Isabel was but for a completely different reason. She wasn't upset that we'd gone away, but she wished Victor had trusted her enough to tell her the truth that his parents hadn't given him permission.

Victor was kissing me the moment we shut the door behind us. I had a bag when we walked in, but I had no idea where it ended up. Probably by the front door. I knew we had to do homework, but it didn't seem like the priority when this was the first time we'd been alone outside of school and work since we'd gotten back from our trip.

"We need to find a place," Victor whispered in between kisses as we climbed the stairs to my bedroom. "Where we can be alone. Because our parents are conspiring against us."

"It's only been two weeks," I pointed out. "That hardly seems like a conspiracy."

He pulled back. "My mom asked us if we thought she should switch up the scent of her kitchen cleaner. That's a conspiracy."

"Are we really going to talk about your mom right now?"

"No." Victor's kisses were eager as he kicked the door shut behind him. He kicked it hard enough that it bounced back open a little, but it didn't matter.

"Is your button superglued to your pants?" Victor asked as his fingers fumbled with my top button.

I couldn't help my laugh. "It was really hard to button this morning, but they're loose pants."

"Could've mentioned that earlier," he grumbled.

I brought my lips back to his, effectively distracting him. We stumbled back towards my bed.

I wondered when this part would wear off. This insatiable need to be with him and be close to him. I didn't think it could ever go away. As his hands turned me to puddy, I hoped it never would.

"Hi, honey. We bought strawberr- oh my God."

Victor and I were a flurry of motion as we tried to get a blanket over us. "Mom, what are you doing?"

"We just got back from the grocery store." Her back was to us now. "I think we should talk. Get dressed and come downstairs."

"Okay, now it's a conspiracy," I told him once she left.

He was literally hiding under the blanket. I got up and closed and locked my door which, in hindsight, I probably should have done just to take the precaution when we got here. The last time we'd gotten caught having sex… it hadn't gone well. It had gone about as not well as it could have. I wanted to make sure we talked it out before we went to my mom because I wish I'd stopped him that night. So much could have been avoided if we'd just talked before he saw his mom. Then again, I didn't think either of us was in a place where we could have effectively talked about it back then. I didn't feel that way now. I felt like if we had the chance to be on the same page, we needed to do that.

I threw on my pants before I crouched in front of him. "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?"

"On a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to disappear right now?"

"Fifty."

I knew this was kind of a serious situation, but I couldn't help my snicker. "You are so dramatic." I pulled the blanket down so I could see his face. He looked mortified but not angry, so I thought that was a good sign. "It's going to be okay."

He didn't look convinced. "Why does this keep happening?"

"Because your bedroom doesn't have a lock on it and we didn't lock my door because someone was a little too eager," I pointed out. Victor glared at me. I quickly backtracked. "We both were. We were careless. We should have taken our time and locked the door. Now we know."

"Now we know," he muttered.

"If you think about it, we haven't been walked in on way more times than we have been."

"Don't. Don't try to make this seem okay. Someone's walked in on us two… two and a half times and that's too many times." I could hear the frustration in his voice.

"It is," I conceded. "It's too many, but we can't change that. We can only deal with it."

"What do you think your mom is going to say?"

I honestly had no idea. "The sooner you get dressed, the sooner we can find out."

"Or, and hear me out, we could sneak out of your back door and go to work," he suggested. "Your house has so many exits. It would be easy. We could avoid this for… forever. We really could. We could go into work early and earn some brownie points with Sarah."

"I love you, but we're not running away from this; we have to talk to my mom."

"I'm not saying we run away."

"That is literally what you said," I pointed out.

He pouted. "But-"

I stood up. "No buts." I found where his pants had landed and threw them to him. "Get dressed. Did you bring your Brasstown shirt or do you need one?"

He groaned but jumped off of my bed. "I didn't think about it," he admitted. I pulled one out of my dresser and threw it to him. He pulled it on. "Thanks."

I grabbed his hand. "It really will be okay. I think we're in for a talk about boundaries and safe sex, but I don't think it'll be worse than that." I hesitated a moment. "Are you okay?" He shrugged. "What's going through your head?"

He crossed his arms. It took him a minute to work past his reluctance, but he finally said, "I'm thinking about the last time this happened and how we almost broke up."

"We didn't almost break up because your mom walked in on us," I reminded him. "We almost broke up because we weren't talking to each other, and the things we weren't saying while we weren't talking built up. We're not like that anymore."

"I know. I just can't help but think… I don't even know. The very last thing I want to do right now is go downstairs and talk to your mom about our sex lives and somehow say the wrong thing that could start a big fight." I realized he was scared of that because that was exactly what I'd done last time. I didn't think I'd ever fully get over the guilt that I outed him to his brother. At the time, I'd been so frustrated, but with the perspective that only time could bring, it made me feel nauseated. I'd crossed a line and I would've been furious if someone did something like that to me.

"Then don't do that. You don't have to say anything. You always say you want to take the lead with your family stuff; well, let me take the lead here. I won't tell her anything unless I absolutely have to. All you have to do is listen to what she has to say. Does that make it better?"

He looked like he was thinking intently. "So, I don't need to say anything?" he confirmed.

"If you're really worried about it, no. Nothing," I promised. "I don't think you'll say the wrong thing, but I won't be upset if you don't want to say anything."

He nodded. "For the record, I still think we should just dip while we have the chance," he muttered. "But I'm in."

We were late for our shift, but Sarah didn't say anything to us. She did pull me aside while Victor went into the back to get his apron. "Did you break up?"

"What? Of course not."

She continued as if I hadn't spoken. "Because I warned you that we weren't doing this back and forth. You wanted to transfer in May. Then you didn't. Then you asked about it again in November, then you changed your mind. I told you that was your last chance, so it's off the table. If you broke up, you're stuck here or you're looking for a new job. I warned you those would be your only options. Now, you're two decent workers, so I really hope you work this out."

Sarah seriously needed to meditate or something. "Can you like breathe and slow down? We didn't break up. Why would you think we did?"

"Because he looks miserable. Make that" - she motioned to the back room - "go away and bring me back someone ready to make coffee with a smile."

I was tempted to tell her to practice what she preached because I doubted her scowl qualified as a smile; instead, I said, "I'll talk to him."

I went into the back. I was only partially surprised to see that Victor was standing in front of an open locker and had made no progress with getting his apron on. "Okay, I let you brood the whole walk here. Why are you upset?" I asked. I knew it wasn't the most sensitive way to ask, but I couldn't wrap my head around his mood.

"I'm not. Or I am but not the way I expected to be."

"Okay," I said slowly.

"Your mom just told us we need to lock the door even if we're home alone," he said. "That was it. There wasn't anything about us being too young or too serious or the fact that we were having sex. She just doesn't want to walk in on us again… which is definitely a mutual feeling."

"You're upset because she wasn't more upset? I don't get it."

"I don't either," he admitted. "I'm sorry. I know I'm messed up."

"No," I interrupted. "You've been through some messed up stuff, but you're not messed up." I stood next to him so my back was against the lockers. I brought my hand to his cheek, and he finally looked at me. "I want to understand, so take as much time as you need to figure out how to explain this, but I do need something from you. I need you to walk out with a smile on your face so Sarah will leave."

He leaned over and kissed me. "I can do that."

He didn't necessarily walk out with a smile on his face, but he looked a lot better than when we first got here. It was enough that Sarah gave me a nod of approval before she left.

We had a little bit of a rush right when we first started, but things quieted down quickly. I wanted to give Victor some space, so I started working on my foam art. I thought I was getting pretty good at it.

It took him less than a minute before he was by my side. "I know it's not a competition," he said after a moment. "But I couldn't help but compare how different our moms reacted."

"Not that I want to test the theory, but your mom would probably react different if she walked in on us now." He raised his eyebrows at me. "Or she wouldn't, but it's different for my mom. She doesn't care who I sleep with as long as I'm being safe. I don't have siblings to worry about. With your mom, sex is a whole thing. There's… I don't know, her religion stuff." I shifted uncomfortably because I had never really been in a position where I'd wanted to defend his mom before, and I was unprepared for this role reversal. I didn't think his mom had a leg to stand on when it came to sex when she'd cheated, but I wanted to pull Victor out of this slump.

It worked in a really unexpected way. "Did you just defend my mom?" He brought his hand to my forehead.

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically. "I'm just saying that you're the one that said that our parents are different. Either I get to be upset with your mom's bull-" I caught myself and corrected, "learning curve or you have to be okay with the fact that they're going to be on different pages with this. Your mom might never be okay with us having sex."

"I know." He sighed frustratedly. "And I'm not expecting her to suddenly buy us condoms or anything, but… it was kind of nice in a really weird way that your mom wanted to talk about it instead of ignoring it."

"I get that."

He smiled and got this dopey look on his face. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"Okay, weirdo," I teased.

He coughed to clear his throat and grabbed a fresh mug. He filled it and grabbed the steamed milk before he looked at me. "What should I make?"

I grinned. Victor was pretty hopeless when it came to latte art, but I loved watching him try. We were attempting to make a basketball when someone cleared their throat.

The smile on my face disappeared when I looked up and saw Rahim.

- . - . - . -

Rahim's POV

I nearly walked out of Brasstown when I saw them. They were in their own little world as they huddled over a cup of coffee with a stirrer. The photographer in me wanted to snap a picture of it because it was a really sweet moment and they both looked so happy, but the bitter part of me wished we had chosen a different coffee shop.

We. That's right. After two months of non-stop texting, TJ had agreed to meet up for a cup of coffee. We'd agreed it wasn't a date, but I kind of hoped it might lead to a date. I'd assumed that Victor and Benji wouldn't be here because they usually worked mornings… not that I knew their work schedule. I just knew that he and Benji were usually off Friday and Saturday nights. If you don't think about it too much, it wasn't creepy. I shouldn't have taken the chance. TJ had to meet with one of his classmates that lived in Shady Creek to work on some project for his Biology class, so this seemed like a good meeting spot.

When I cleared my throat, Victor and Benji looked at each other. I guessed they were figuring out which one of them should take my order. In the end, it was Benji.

"What can I get for you?" Benji asked. He looked as stiff as I felt.

"Um… coffee," I said. It wasn't my most eloquent moment.

"Well, you came to the right place. Do you know what kind you want?" Benji asked.

TJ and I had just been talking about our orders, but I couldn't remember what we'd agreed on. "Can I get an Americano?" TJ asked, coming to my rescue. "He'll take a Dirty Chai." Right. That was it.

"Coming right up." Benji turned his back to us as he started to make the coffees. Victor had disappeared. It wasn't until I looked around that I realized he was wiping down tables.

Benji finished our orders quickly, and I was grateful when we took our seats. "Is that your ex or something?" TJ asked right as I was taking a sip of my coffee.

"No."

"Then, what was that?"

"That's Benji," I explained. "Victor's boyfriend."

"Victor… your first kiss Victor," TJ realized. We'd swapped our first kiss stories, but I'd edited mine a lot before I shared. Somehow, it didn't seem like a good move to tell the guy I was interested in that I had a ton of emotional baggage from my first kiss.

"Yeah. That's the one. And I didn't think I was going to see him or his boyfriend tonight."

"Wait, so is Victor here?" TJ looked around eagerly. His eyes landed on Victor. From where I was sitting, I could see he was back behind the counter with Benji and they were having what looked like an intense conversation. It meant TJ was fully turned to look at Victor. He whistled. "That's him, right? Damn. He is cute."

"Oh my God. Don't look," I hissed.

He glanced at me. "There's something more than him being your first kiss, isn't there?" he asked slowly. He looked at Victor again then back at me.

"Not really. I thought there might have been, but he chose to stay with his boyfriend."

"Did he like you too?"

"I thought so, but I guess he didn't. We never really talked about it."

"This was what… October? It must've been some connection if you're still hung up on him."

"I'm not hung up on him," I said defensively. "It was November, which I know was a really long time ago. I get that when I gave him a choice, he chose Benji, but… it's really hard to let go of this idea of what could have happened if he'd chosen me." My eyes widened. "Which is probably the last thing you needed to hear right now. I'm sorry; I'm not the best date. I didn't think I was going to see them, and I'm pretty dramatic, and I can't let things go… it's not a great combination. Ryker always tells me that I'm setting myself up to have a more tragic love life than even Shakespeare could dream up and-"

"It's okay," he assured me, interrupting my tangent. He traced his thumb around the edge of his mug. "I was with my ex for a year and a half. We started dating the summer before we started high school and he broke up with me on Christmas. It's still really hard to see him around school. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but I really loved him. I loved him too much to see how bad he was for me. We both have baggage. You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed to share that with me."

"But it is embarrassing. If I have this much trouble getting over someone I never dated, it does not bode well for my love life."

TJ got a really nervous look on his face as he reached across the table and placed his hand on top of mine. "The right guy will be patient because he'll know how lucky he is to have someone like you in his life."

I couldn't help my smile. "Thanks. I am really sorry. We should not be talking about this on our not-quite-a-date." TJ's lips twitched.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Tell me what's new at genius school."

I took a sip of coffee while he smiled. "What do you know about Astronomy?"

"Essentially, there are stars in the sky. Beyond that? Not much." He launched into a story about a new telescope or something that his school got; he was testing it out with his Astronomy Club on Monday. He was so excited about it; even if it was hard to follow everything, I was kind of transfixed by how he talked.

- . - . - . -

Victor's POV

"I need to talk to him," I said quietly. I glanced back over where Rahim was sitting. He and the guy he was with were holding hands, and I was really happy for them. "I think I'll try Monday at school."

Benji closed his eyes for a second and I could only guess at what kind of things were going through his head right now. "I know you have to do this…"

I took his hand. "I do. But it will be okay. He's moved on, so it seems like a good time to talk, right? Bare minimum, he needs to be able to come in here without… that happening." I didn't need to describe the awkwardness that had just transpired for Benji to know what I meant. If I was being honest, that wasn't the only reason I needed to talk to Rahim. Benji was amazing, but I missed Rahim so much.

We hadn't talked about Rahim in a long time, so I wasn't sure how Benji might feel about the idea of Rahim and me being friends… if that was even what Rahim wanted. We hadn't talked since the wedding, and it took two people fully committed to ignoring one another to put off a conversation that long, so I had no idea where he was with that.

I guess the troubled look on Benji's face was a pretty good indicator. "This doesn't mean anything's going to happen. For all I know, he might want nothing to do with me after we talk." I really, really hoped that wasn't the case. "But we have to talk and get on the same page."

"I know," he admitted. "I'm glad you're going to talk to him. Really." I thought Benji could effectively rule out acting as a career path.

I hooked my hand around his ear. "I know how much this sucks for you, and I love that you love me enough to pretend to be okay with this."

He smiled a little. "I am okay with this."

"Bullshit."

His smile got bigger. "Okay. I'm not okay with it, but I want to be okay with it."

"And that's enough." I glanced around. Rahim looked away just as my eyes glossed over him. I let my hand fall. "I'm sorry that this is so weird."

"Well, you're a pretty weird guy, so I think it's about what I should expect," he teased. I was surprised by how well he was taking this.

"You seem… good right now," I said hesitantly.

"I am." He sounded as surprised as I felt. "It helps that he's here with another guy and you're next to me, but… it's more than that. I trust you. I lost that for a little while, but it feels really good to trust you again."

I nearly teared up. After everything had happened, I didn't know if Benji was ever really going to trust me again and hearing him say that filled me with so many feelings. I didn't care that we were surrounded by people or that I was blatantly about to break one of Sarah's rules.

I leaned up and kissed him.

I was leaning against the side of Benji's house when he walked out Monday morning. "Morning," I called. Benji jumped about half a foot in the air and turned to me with his hand over his heart. "You're jumpy."

"You could have been anyone, and I'm not really awake yet. What are you doing here?" he asked surprised.

I kissed him. "I made breakfast." I held up the paper bag.

Benji opened the bag and grinned. "This doesn't look like a Brasstown muffin. Where'd you get it?"

"I actually made it," I told him. "Since we weren't allowed to see each other in person yesterday, I made muffins. It's what I was making while we were talking." He'd asked me about 5000 times, but I hadn't told him because I wanted to surprise him with breakfast.

Benji glanced over at me. "Is your mom still mad?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't want to talk about it." I got that Benji's mom wanted to keep my mom in the loop and that we had told my mom we were going to work, but I kind of wished his mom had just kept it to herself. It had turned my Benji's-only-allowed-over-with-supervision punishment into a full-blown I-wasn't-allowed-to-see-him-outside-of-school-and-work grounding.

"My mom feels really bad. She just figured that if your mom walked in on us, she'd want to know so she could talk to me about boundaries… I couldn't tell her that that had already happened," Benji admitted. "How long are you grounded for?"

"According to my mom, for life. My dad says four weeks," I grumbled. I wasn't bitter, but I was also really bitter. I didn't think the solution to me sneaking around with Benji was to keep me away from Benji and four weeks seemed so extreme to me. Then again, as my dad had said, my lies had been adding up lately.

"I can't believe you're going to miss the concert on Saturday."

"I'm not," I said confidently. It had taken a little bribery, but I'd figured it out. I knew how important that concert was to Benji. "I'm bringing Adrian, so I'm technically chaperoning." It was probably unethical to use Adrian to go to the concert, but he promised he didn't mind and seemed excited to see Benji play.

Benji looked relieved. "I'm really glad you're gonna be there."

"Wouldn't miss it," I promised. They were playing at a real venue, not a coffee shop or a Battle of the Bands competition. It was the same place they'd played in December and they all thought it was a really good sign that the venue manager had thought of them when they had an extra spot to fill. Benji was terrified and excited and feeling a lot of things that kind of kept bubbling out of him.

He pulled off a piece of the muffin, popped it in his mouth, and his eyes widened. "You can bake?" he asked.

I chuckled. "I am a man of many talents."

"Mmm. Now I know." He pulled off another piece and smiled contentedly.

I grabbed a piece while we started to walk. "I am good," I agreed.

He chuckled. "You should do this every morning. I can see it. You coming here with homemade muffins. I might actually get out of bed on time."

"Yeah and pigs might start to fly," I said sarcastically. Benji snoozed his alarm more than anyone I knew. He was the only person I knew that could get out of bed to turn his alarm off without waking up.

He rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the faith." I could see the slightest smile on his face, so I knew he wasn't actually upset.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek. He turned his head so I could kiss him properly.

- . - . - . -

Rahim's POV

I was at my locker before lunch when Victor came up to me. "Hey, can we talk?" he asked.

I didn't turn to face him. "Sure." I finished swapping out my books before I turned to see him. He looked nervous, and I followed him to the benches in the lobby.

We sat down and he asked, "how have you been?"

"Fine. What's up?"

Victor sighed. "I saw you at Brasstown on Saturday. You looked happy with that guy." For a brief second, I entertained the possibility that Victor had been so overcome with jealousy when he saw me and TJ that he realized he wanted to be with me. I was surprised when the thought didn't fill me with hope but with conflict. I didn't know if I wanted Victor to have that realization. Fortunately for me, his next words eliminated any chance of that. "I don't know how to do this, so I'm just gonna come out and ask. Do you think we can ever be friends? I really miss you."

Wow. I didn't even know what to say to that. I'd thought about this conversation an obsessive amount and of all the ways I expected it to start, that hadn't made the list. I always thought our conversation would start off with acknowledging how long it had been since we'd said a single word to one another or his decision to choose Benji or what had happened in November. I hadn't been prepared for him to start with a plea for friendship. "I don't know… it's been a long time since we talked," I said slowly. I thought there was so much we needed to talk about before we could even be in the realm of friendship.

He ducked his head. "I know. I'm sorry. We really should have talked a few months ago, huh?"

"Why didn't we?"

"I think we both had our reasons."

"Yeah, but we both know mine. What were yours?" I asked.

Victor nodded. "I guess it was easier not to talk about this. What happened sucked for both of us, and I guess I was afraid that we wouldn't be able to move past this."

"And I'm guessing your boyfriend didn't want you talking to me?" I was pretty sure Benji had something to do with this.

Victor frowned. "I'm not going to pretend he's the happiest about this, but he wouldn't have stopped me. I told him, you know. That we kissed."

"I figured. How'd he take it?"

"Better than I had any right to expect." Victor ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes for a second.

I looked away. "How are the two of you doing?" Pilar rarely talked about them and never in detail around me, so all I got was a snapshot at school.

Victor smiled as he looked down at his hands. It was the kind of smile that made butterflies twirl in my stomach. "We're good. Really good. We worked out all of our stuff." He suddenly looked guilty. "Sorry. That's probably not something you need to hear, is it?"

"I don't want you to be sad and miserable. I just wish… we'll never know if we could have been something. And I feel like I imagined that we had a connection because you didn't seem to have to think about it at all."

He chewed on his lip. "We do have a connection. You weren't imagining that, but… I feel like I'm going to sound like a jerk, but I'm in love with Benji. I couldn't let go of that."

"Don't you think it means something that you started to like someone else when you were with Benji?" I didn't mean to ask the question, but I didn't have a great filter on the best of days, much less right now.

"Yeah, I do. But I don't think it means what you think it means."

"What do you think it means?" I asked. He hesitated. "Please. I want to understand what this meant to you."

"I felt something when you kissed me," he said. That wasn't where I was expecting him to go. "And for a second, I really wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. I didn't just write you off, but when I pictured a future without Benji, it didn't feel right. It felt like I would be giving up a part of myself. I think I needed to like someone to remind me of how much I love Benji, and to realize that we're worth fighting for." He ducked his head. "Not that I should have needed the reminder."

"Why did you?"

He let out a huffy breath. "It was easier not to talk about some stuff and, at first, that didn't matter, but all those things started to build up."

"Like your family?" I guessed. "And his…" I cut myself off. I knew that him telling me about Benji's drinking had launched the break they took in November, and the last thing I wanted to do was create more problems.

"Yeah. I fell down this rabbit hole of Benji couldn't possibly understand and he was doing the same thing. Once we figured out how to talk to each other again… it changed everything."

I looked away from him. "Okay."

"I'm sorry." We were quiet for a long time. "I really am sorry. And not just for taking so long to talk. What I did? It wasn't fair to you."

I brought my feet up to the bench and rested my chin on my knees. "Go on."

"It's not about the wedding, right? When Benji left, you said that you thought there was something between us and you thought I felt it too, and you were right. But I shouldn't have let it get to that point. I just liked spending time with you so much and… I got swept away in that. I wasn't thinking about you or Benji; I was only thinking about me and that wasn't fair to either of you. I just want you to know, I would never intentionally hurt you, but I get that I did, and I'm so sorry."

"Um…" I felt like I wasn't capable of connecting thoughts right now. "Wow. Okay." He didn't say anything else, and I was kind of grateful. It was like, for the first time, I felt like I was justified in everything I'd felt since November. I'd spent so much time telling myself I'd been irrational or was overreacting and so much time listening to people tell me I needed to move on and forget Victor. And here he was apologizing for his part of that and validating that I deserved to feel the way I'd felt. It was almost liberating.

I didn't realize I was smiling until Victor nudged my shoulder. "Does that mean you forgive me?"

"I don't know. But it means that… I was wrong."

"Huh?" he asked.

"I spent the last three and a half months feeling like I saw something that was never there. I didn't understand why I couldn't get over you, but I didn't imagine it. There was something there."

"There was," he agreed.

I let out a breath. If there was something there then there was something to let go of. "Thank you. For telling me that. For being honest with me. It probably would have been so much easier to pretend it was all in my head."

"You would've seen through that," he said confidently.

I smiled into my knees. "Probably."

"And it wouldn't have done any good. We needed to talk if we wanted to move on. Speaking of moving on… who was that guy you were with?"

"TJ."

He nudged me. "He's cute."

I couldn't help my smile. "Yeah, he is, isn't he?"

"How long have you been together?" he asked.

"We're not really together. We met New Year's Eve at that gay bar you took me to." Victor raised his eyebrows at me, so I hastily added, "they were letting everyone in for New Year's Eve. You didn't have to be 21." I didn't know why, but the thought of Victor knowing how often I went back there made me nervous. He was the one that brought me there in the first place, so it shouldn't have freaked me out so much.

"That was a while ago," Victor observed.

I nodded. "His boyfriend broke up with him on Christmas. They were together a while, so he wasn't ready to start something new."

"He looked ready on Saturday."

"Did he?" I asked.

"Yeah. I thought you were on a date," he admitted. "You two looked cute together." I had to look away from him. "Wow. You got it bad."

"Shut up."

Victor grinned big. "You should tell him how you feel. Maybe he's waiting for you to ask again. New Year's Eve was a long time ago."

"You think?"

"Yeah. I do," he said. "You deserve to be happy and if TJ makes you happy, you should tell him that. It might just work out for you."

"I'm glad we talked."

"Me too. Whenever you're ready, I really would like to be friends again. I miss talking to you."

I nodded at him as he stood up.

For a second, I thought he was going to hug me. He raised his arms slightly but dropped them at the last minute.

I watched him walk away. I felt torn because for a few minutes, it had been just like it used to be. Victor had always been easy to be around. Talking to him about TJ had felt natural, but it didn't change how uncertain I felt as well.

- . - . - . -

Benji's POV

"Where's Victor?" Lucy asked as she sat down. Lake took a seat next to her. They were nearly ten minutes late to lunch, which meant I'd been sitting here by myself. I didn't mind sitting alone, but it left me far too much time to think.

"He's talking to Rahim." I tried to sound like it wasn't a big deal, but I must have failed miserably because Lake and Lucy looked at each other before they gave me their undivided attention.

"What are they talking about?" Lake asked.

Victor and I hadn't really told anyone about how Rahim kissed him. Well, he'd told Felix, and Rahim had told Pilar but, to our knowledge, no one else knew. "Stuff."

"You look like you're getting a full-body wax. What's going on?" Lake asked.

"Are you two fighting again?" Lucy pried.

"No," I said sincerely. I wondered when that would stop being everyone's first instinct. I hesitated only a moment. Part of me really wanted to talk about it. I didn't think Victor would mind. We hadn't intentionally not told people about it; we'd just avoided talking about it in general. "But… do you remember when we were having our problems?"

"Yeah. If I recall, you were fighting about 'stuff'," Lake said.

"Part of that was Rahim," I admitted. "He kissed Victor the night Mia's dad got married."

"And you're letting him talk to him? Are you insane?" Lake asked.

I looked at her surprised. "I'm not letting him do anything. Victor can make his own decisions," I pointed out. "He's not going to do anything."

Lake looked skeptical, but Lucy nudged her and shook her head, so Lake stayed quiet. "If you're looking for a distraction, there's actually something we wanted to talk to you about," Lucy said. I looked at her curiously. Lucy wasn't usually a nervous person, and it kind of put me on edge to see her like this.

She looked at Lake. "We were just saying that we should switch up our coffee orders," Lake said. "We were wondering if you had any suggestions."

Lucy looked at her surprised. I was pretty sure that Lucy had a massive crush on Lake, but she hadn't said anything to me about it yet. She'd been obvious enough that even Victor was picking up on her flirting, and I'd had to convince him that I flirted with him before we got together, so I thought that said a lot about his observational skills. As he'd pointed out, she would tell me when she was ready to tell me.

"Are you thinking of switching to something sweet or bitter?"

"Yes," Lake said.

"That wasn't a yes or no question." Lake looked at me and I could see that she had no idea what I'd asked her. "Why are you being weird?" I asked.

Lake grinned at me. "As your best friend-"

"I'm his best friend," Lucy interrupted.

"As your best friend, you know me well enough by now to know that I'm not weird. I'm just me."

"Not his best friend," Lucy muttered.

I watched them go back and forth for a minute, not sure if I should be flattered or mortified. "Okay, settle this for us," Lake said.

"I'd say you are both my best friends," I said diplomatically.

"But who is your best best friend? Like if you had to pick one person."

"Victor," I said. "Just so that's out there. Love you both, but… yeah, it's Victor."

Lake and Lucy looked at each other. "Aww," Lake said with a grin. "That's gross and sweet at the same time."

I chuckled. "We get that a lot."

"I believe it," Lucy said.

"What do you believe?" Victor asked as he sat down next to me. He gave me a quick kiss.

"That the two of you are gross and sweet," Lucy supplied.

"Um… thanks?" Victor said uncertainly. His hand found mine under the table. "We are pretty cute."

"I don't think we said cute," Lucy pointed out.

"You didn't need to," he said with a cheeky smile. I studied him for a minute. He looked really happy. He rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes.

"Um… we have to go… not be here for a minute," Lake said. She grabbed Lucy's wrist and practically dragged her away from our table.

"How'd it go?" I asked quietly after a minute.

"It was good." He opened his eyes and lifted his head. "I'm glad we finally talked. I said everything I needed to say."

"Is he okay?"

"I think so." Victor's eyebrows furrowed together. "I don't know if we'll ever be friends again, but I hope telling him the truth helped. Maybe he understands why I… it feels weird to say I chose you."

"Didn't you though?"

"I don't think I did. It's like how I didn't choose to be gay; I didn't choose you. If anything, I chose us and I chose to do what I needed to for us, but I couldn't have walked away from you. Too cheesy?"

"Way too cheesy," I confirmed. "But sweet. I'm sure Rahim will come around. He'd be crazy not to."

"Thanks." He brushed my hair back. "For everything. For not making me feel bad about Rahim. For being okay with this. I really lucked out in the boyfriend department."

"Ugh. I thought we were gone long enough," Lake complained. "Do we need to take another lap?"

I grinned. "You might want to take a few," I suggested. It was just to tease her. Victor had a thing about too much PDA… well, it wasn't the public part that bothered him. It was kissing in front of people. If there was no one around, he didn't hold back, but he would never show that same passion with witnesses; he was too private for that.

"Wait. If you're gonna make out, I'm staying."

Victor groaned. "You just had to ruin the moment."

Lake said something, I wasn't sure what, that made Victor laugh with his whole body. It was one of those perfect moments where I felt like I needed the world to stand still for one second because I needed to remember everything that was happening. How happy Lake and Lucy looked, how euphoric Victor was, how peaceful I felt.

Like all moments, it couldn't last forever, but it didn't matter. It just mattered that the moment existed at all.