Mercedes shifts in the driver's seat of her rental car and wonders, not for the first time, what she's doing.

She never really looks at her tour schedules to know where she's going to be when. Her friends and family have long known to let her know when they're going to be at a venue, so she can get them on her VIP list, try to find a free half hour or so that she can visit with them. She'd locked her contact information down so long ago that only people she would actually want to see can reach her directly; the rest get routed through her management and, well, Santana Lopez has never had any problem telling people they weren't going to get what they wanted. But she never looks ahead anymore or tries to make plans for days off or anything. She usually just wants to sleep or scroll Instagram or play endless rounds of Candy Crush and just not think for a while.

But when they rolled into Columbus, Ohio the day before, Sunday, and Mercedes realized that once her show was done that night, she was completely free for over twenty-four hours, until the bus left for Detroit at nine AM Tuesday, she'd impulsively reserved a rental car to be delivered to her first thing Monday morning, sworn up and down to everyone in charge that she'd be back in time, packed an overnight bag, and now here she was, rolling up US 33 to I-75, headed to Lima.

She's still not entirely sure why. She has a vague idea that it'll be fun to surprise her parents, but she also has this weird urge – just to see home, she guesses. She's been out on the road for almost a decade, living out of suitcases and hotel rooms, the occasional studio-owned furnished apartment. Sometimes she feels like she lives everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. She feels like she needs to remember that she does have roots somewhere, when she feels increasingly like she's drifting along in life.

She loves her life, she really does, but some days, she feels like she's at loose ends, constantly on the go. Sometimes she thinks she'd like to cut back on the touring, or even just stop for a while, but she's also so used to always being in motion, she doesn't even know if she could handle it.

Maybe it's that she's pushing thirty now, that milestone birthday now just over six months away. Maybe that's what's got her feeling all nostalgic and homesick.

She flips on the radio just to drown out the sound of her thoughts and smiles when she lands on a station proclaiming to play 'all the hits of the 80s, 90s and TODAY!' She has to wonder, how does the entire two and a half decades since 2000 all count as today?

If she thought music would pull her out of her nostalgic spin, she's sadly mistaken when the first song after commercial turns out to be 'Don't Stop Believing' and she has to laugh at herself when she realizes she's car dancing, doing all the upper body choreography without even thinking about it.

She decides to stop fighting it, lets herself wallow in the nostalgia for a minute, thinking back to those very first days of Glee club, when it was just her and Kurt and Tina and Artie and Rachel and Finn.

Finn. Maybe she should make a stop by his tree, she thinks, realizing that this past spring had been ten years since his passing. It didn't seem possible.

She takes a few minutes to wonder about where Finn would be now, if he was still alive. Would he be here in Lima, would he and Rachel have eventually worked things out? It's hard to think now about a grown-up Finn and Rachel being a couple, after all of Rachel's years in New York, her Broadway successes, her years of marriage to Jesse. Rachel's a Tony-award winning actress, a wife, a mother. It's hard to imagine her with a Finn who's frozen in time at the age of nineteen.

Maybe that's another place the nostalgia, the longing for her past is coming from. Her friends, the core group that she's really stayed in touch with – they all seem so settled. Rachel and Jesse and their baby, Kurt and Blaine and Tracy. She sees the most of them, New York being her base when she's not on the road. And of course, Santana and Brittany, who split their time between New York and LA. (She giggles to herself as she remembers how Brittany loves to tease Santana that now they're both bi, it's just that Santana is just bi-coastal.) Santana being her manager, she's obviously in touch with her more than anyone else. Then there's Tina and Artie, as nomadic as she is, just in their own way, always off to the next shooting location, settling in for six weeks or a few months, before heading to the next movie. She catches up with the others every now and then – Quinn and Mike and Unique are especially good at catching her when she's in Charlotte or Chicago or San Francisco, respectively. But they're all settled in their lives there too and it just sometimes makes her feel unsettled, somehow.

Her thoughts circle back around to Finn, how he'd finally seemed to figure out what he wanted to do, be a teacher. And that brings her thoughts to Sam.

Well, if she's being honest, he's never far from her thoughts these days. She hasn't seen him in almost three years, but they stay in touch too –random text conversations, comments and likes on social media, even a voice mail on her last birthday.

Maybe that's it. Maybe that's why he's been so constantly on her mind lately. Hearing his voice – it had struck something in her. She'd tried to call him on his birthday too but ended up having to leave a voicemail of her own – her schedule is so nuts and she has some kind of weird mental block about figuring out the difference between time zones.

Anyway, Sam's always on her mind more than usual this time of year anyway – summer was always their season. At least, until they spent that dreary winter of 2014 together in New York – but summer meant the end of them that time. So – in the summer, she misses him.

She's dated a few other guys since him, but no one that ever felt as important, no one who ever meant as much.

No one else she's thought about marrying as much as she has about him.

She thinks about what she'd told him when they'd first talked about sex, laid out the boundaries of their relationship. That she didn't think she'd be ready for marriage until she was, like, thirty. Well, here she is, staring thirty in the face, still single, still a virgin and no prospects in sight. Somehow, she's never really believed that she'd get to this point without finding 'the one.'

And then she wonders – what if she already found him? And because she was young and didn't think he fit with the track her life was on, she let him go?

She thinks about how she and Kurt and Rachel used to talk about making choices – career or love. They'd all agreed that there would certainly be sacrifices having to be made to reach their dreams.

And yet – Kurt and Rachel both have both. Love and career. Sure, it hasn't been easy – sacrifices have been made and there's been plenty of bumps along the way, but they have work they love – and a partner they love just as much – someone to share it all with.

What if the choice she'd made when she was twenty, thinking it was for the best, was one that had doomed her to being professionally successful beyond all she'd ever dreamed – but personally alone and drifting – and lonely?

Mercedes shakes her head sharply. "Okay, now you're really getting melancholy," she mutters to herself. "You are not doomed to be alone forever because you broke up with your high school boyfriend almost ten years ago."

But even as she says it, she really doesn't think she believes it.

She gives up then, and just lets her thoughts be consumed by Sam. Sweet, kind, funny, generous Sam. Her first everything – or, well, at least, every first she's had so far – first kiss, first slow dance, first real boyfriend, first man sharing her bed, first love. Only love, really, if she's being honest about it. There's been a few other guys that she's cared about, but no one that she's been in love with. And as her career's spun faster and faster, she hasn't had time for even casual dates, let alone trying to find a serious boyfriend and build a real relationship.

She thinks back to that first summer – endless days spent in their secret spot at the lake, movie marathons in her living room, that night at the carnival, kissing on the tilt-a-whirl until she didn't know if she was dizzy from the ride or from the way Sam made her feel.

They'd been seventeen – they thought they had all the time in the world.

Until they didn't.

Until the day Sam texted her to meet him at the lake right away, he had to talk to her, and she'd rushed over there, worried and scared. She hadn't been expecting to see him at all that night, he had to be at a rare family dinner. She didn't know what to think or expect and she never guessed what did happen – that he'd tell her, in a voice choked with tears he was barely holding back, that he was moving away, to another state, four hours away – that he was leaving her.

Of course, intellectually she understood that he wasn't leaving her specifically, but it felt that way, and she wonders now if that's part of why she held him off when he returned that fall or why she broke things off preemptively before that first mall tour.

She wonders too, how things might have been different if his father's job search hadn't spun out so far. She'd been just about ready to tell him that she'd loved him. Maybe they'd have stayed together. Maybe she'd have lost her virginity years ago, on senior prom night or after graduation. Maybe she'd be married to him now.

Maybe she'd've been able to trust that he was all in it, that he wasn't ever going to leave her voluntarily.

At any rate, she hasn't been back to their spot at the lake since that day. It hurt too much to go there without him. Neither of them mentioned it when they briefly, sort-of dated at the end of her senior year and then they were in New York the next and last time they were together and she hasn't really been in Lima much since then.

And yet, for some reason, here she is, pulling off the exit for Lima and turning not towards her parents' neighborhood, but in the other direction. Suddenly, she very much wants to see that old spot, see if she can even figure out where it is anymore.

Somehow she finds the old path relatively easily – it's not as overgrown as she might have expected and she idly wonders if maybe some other teen couples have found the spot over the years, keeping it clear. As she walks along, she could swear she almost hears guitar music and just as she's about to shake her head and laugh at herself for letting her memories become so tangible, she steps into the little clearing – and there's Sam, just setting his guitar down on the blanket beside him, picking up a sketch pad and pencil. She lets out a startled sound of surprise before she can catch herself and he turns around, confusion already on his face just from there being someone else there and then deeper confusion as he stares at her, clearly trying to comprehend her presence.

She's struck speechless as she looks at him, his face so achingly familiar – and yet also so different, these last three years bringing him so much more fully into 'man' territory, a boy no longer.

"Mercedes?" he says finally, still looking like he doesn't believe she's real, and she nods.

"Yeah. Hi," she manages to say.

"What – hi – what are you doing here?" he asks as he slowly stands up, taking a step towards her.

She kind of shrugs, holding her palms up to the sky. "I – I don't know, really. I had a show in Columbus last night and I'm off until we leave for Detroit in the morning and – well, I thought I'd come home for a quick visit. And I just got to thinking about – old times and – you – and – " she gestures around her, "and, well, I wound up here."

He nods, taking another step closer to her and she's almost unconsciously moving closer to him, too, until eventually they're almost close enough to touch.

"It's really good to see you," he says quietly. She nods in response and he holds his arms open to her, as if silently asking permission to hug her and she nods again, closing the gap between them, her arms going around his waist.

It's this moment, when his arms wrap around her, hugging her tightly against him, her head fitting back into that spot on his chest, tucked under his chin, like it's been there every day, all the time, all along, that she realizes – this is the home she really wanted to visit today. Being in Sam's arms suddenly feels more like home than anywhere else in the world.

Suddenly, she is seventeen again – completely, hopelessly, madly in love with this boy. And it's such a cliché, but it hits her like a ton of bricks – she's also almost thirty and still – she's completely, hopelessly, madly in love with this man.

Well, shit. What is she supposed to do with that information?

"I can't believe you're here," Sam says as they break apart and stand there, looking at each other, Mercedes' heart racing.

She shakes her head. "I can't believe you're here. I haven't been here in years. Not since the last time we were here. I didn't even really mean to come here today – I just -" her voice trails off, not really sure what else to say and Sam nods.

"I'm glad you did. It's really, really great to see you."

"What are you doing here?" she asks, trying to make conversation, keep herself from blurting out what she's just realized – I love you, I've always loved you.

Sam shrugs. "I come here a lot, actually. It's quiet, I can think. Work on music, draw." He gestures towards the blanket, reaches over and grabs her hand, tugging her gently in that direction. "C'mon, have a seat. I mean, if you have time?"

"I have nowhere I have to be until the bus leaves for Detroit at 9 am tomorrow," she replies without thinking and then blushes as Sam grins at her.

"Oh really?" he teases.

She pulls her hand out of his and swats at his arm. "I just meant my schedule's clear, that's all. Don't get ideas."

He opens his mouth to respond but then seems to think better of it and closes his mouth without saying anything. She eyes him, a little warily, as they sit down and get comfortable.

"What?" she says.

He shrugs again. "Nothing."

"Mm-hmm." They sit in silence for a few minutes, watching the ripple of the water in front of them, their shoulders touching. Mercedes can't help herself, she reaches for his hand again. Sam glances sideways at her and then back at the lake, but she catches the small smile creeping onto his face.

"So what do you think about when you come here?" she asks, finally breaking the silence.

He hesitates, takes a breath and slowly exhales before admitting, not looking at her, "You. And how much I miss you."

God. She's forgotten how he can affect her, his honest words, hitting her right in the heart. She tries to play it off. "Oh, come on. With all the girlfriends you allegedly have all the time?"

Sam scoffs. "Occasional dates. Hardly girlfriends. None of them ever last more than a date or two."

"Then why bother?" she asks, genuinely curious.

He shrugs. "Something to do, I guess. Someone to spend time with besides Will and Emma and their pack of red-headed demon children."

Mercedes laughs at that but the laughter dies out as he keeps talking, saying softly, "Keeping myself occupied so I'm not sitting at home stalking your social media or fan pages, wondering where you are, what you're doing. Wondering if you miss me too."

"Oh," she breathes, her voice barely a whisper.

He shrugs, picks up a small rock and tosses it in the lake.

"I do, you know," she finally says. "Miss you, I mean. It's how I wound up here today – the closer I got to home, all I could think about was you."

They're still holding hands and he squeezes hers now and she smiles. "So," she says, "What are we gonna do about that? Missing each other, I mean."

Sam considers this for a minute. "I guess," he says slowly, "We need to figure out a way to not miss each other." He turns his head to look at her and she shifts a little to face him. "Are we open to discussion on that?"

Mercedes studies his face and then nods. "I am if you are."

"I am."

"Okay. But first, can I just –" she cuts herself off, leans over and kisses him before she loses her nerve, hand splayed across his chest, his hand immediately going to the back of her head. They're lost in the kiss, in each other, in the madness and miracle of the universe pulling them back together after so much time apart. She's always thought this little spot was a little magical, at least until it became the site of her first heartbreak. But now she thinks, maybe it is magical after all. Because now it's the place where that broken heart starts getting fully healed.