Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, unnamed character deaths, morally questionable actions.
Notes: This is a story about Freed, his dark past and his cruel side.
Thanks to oofenflugen who has beta read my fanfic. Without his help I would never have published it. Check out his blog cygnus-art to see his art. He also has a profile on AO3 oofen_flugen where you can find his fanfics.
Hope you like it!
Dark Écriture
-Year X777, Dark Écriture: Death-
(16-year-old Laxus, 13-year-old Freed)
Freed had promised not to do it again. He promised it only a few months earlier, but there was no way he could keep that promise to the Master. Not when he saw those children locked up in the cells and the instruments of torture surrounding them, not when he saw the man's cruel face, not when he heard the whimpering of the children. He couldn't do it. He couldn't hold back his strength, much less the hatred that was beginning to rise and fill him.
Freed almost didn't realize it, but he subconsciously raised his sword in front of him. He hardly noticed the way the Master's grandson stared at him. He almost didn't realize the demonic aura that enveloped him and choked the oxygen in the room. Mentally, he knew it was happening. He knew that he was breaking a promise he had made, and in doing so, he was doing something terrible that -maybe, just maybe- he would regret. But he couldn't afford to worry about it.
The magic swelled in him, draining his energy. It was more powerful than any of his previous spells. More terrible than the rune of pain, more sinister than darkness, more vigorous than the rune of fear. It was pure evil and Freed was beginning to enjoy it, knowing full well the spell would end too quickly to relish it.
His magic caused his hair to rise. Freed's fringe lifted and exposed his face, leaving his black eye uncovered. His body burned, and he felt the pure hatred concentrated in his eye. His mind focused on a single thought.
"Death," Freed hissed, unconsciously, as if his lips had moved on their own.
A deadly silence fell. It was as if the whole world had been silent for a moment. He no longer heard the whimpering children, the fighting upstairs, the voice of the guild leader, or that of the Master's son. He heard nothing, and it was unreal.
A moment later the magic shot out with all its power out of his body, passed his guildmate, and struck the enemy. The dark wizard clawed at his chest, desperately trying to breathe. His body twitched, and he fell back to the ground, continuing to jerk, causing his leg to thump erratically against the wall. It was a terrible sight, and Freed was enjoying every moment of it. The dark mage's eyes filled with terror and widened. His drool poured and mixed with his blood staining the floor. The veins in his neck swelled.
It was magnificent. It was what Freed wanted, pure evil. It was what the man deserved.
It ended too quickly. In a few seconds, the man stilled, reducing himself to a corpse. Freed's magic faded, and the ambiance of the room returned. The distant sounds of fighting and whimpering only brought Freed exhaustion.
His legs gave out, and he collapsed to the ground, sword slipping from his fingers, forcing Freed to lean on his hands. Even if the spell had only lasted for a few seconds, Freed felt as if he had been fighting for hours. Sweat coated his body, and he struggled to catch his breath.
He couldn't see the shocked gaze of the Master's son. Freed didn't bother to check that the man was dead. He knew it was impossible.
He tried to stand up but staggered, exhausted in a way he'd only experienced a few times before.
"You killed him," said the Master's son. Freed smiled. Yes, he wanted to say. Yes, I did, and it was wonderful. Instead, Freed stood silently, realizing what Laxus Dreyar must be thinking.
No. It wasn't okay. He had to go back, back to a safe place, go back to being Freed Justine. He was no longer Freed the Dark. He was no longer a killer, no longer evil. He was a member of Fairy Tail.
That awareness immediately brought him back down to earth, and he felt nausea rise in him. What had he done? He advanced towards Dreyar but staggered again and was forced to lean against the bars of a cell while he tried to regain his strength and balance.
He had broken a promise. The only promise he had made to the Fairy Tail Master. He had broken it within a few months. What the hell had he done? He began to feel the terror rising in his back, terrified that everything he had done to change had been in vain. Nausea made him double over, and Freed coughed with tears stinging his eyes.
He was a monster. A killer. Just a cursed child.
He heard Dreyar's footsteps approaching, and Freed looked up, swallowing hard.
"I'll take responsibility for everything," Freed said, petrified to hear his guildmate's incoming judgment, Dreyar, however, tilted his head to the side, his eyes glittering with curiosity.
"How did you do it?" he asked.
Freed blinked in confusion.
"Excuse me?".
"What spell is that?" Dreyar asked again. "I want to learn it".
Freed's eyes widened and he took a step back, straightening his back and avoiding his gaze. Was he crazy?
"You don't want to do that," he said. There was no way that the Master's grandson wanted to learn how to do something like this.
"I want to know what spell it is," Dreyar insisted. Freed shook his head.
"You can't learn it anyway. Magic is tied to my eye," he said. He saw Dreyar grimace and Freed turned to the children who were still locked up and crying. "I'll tell the Master personally, for now we have to free them."
"You don't need to tell the old man," Dreyar retorted. "Besides, the bastard deserved it," he added as he opened a cell. Freed gave him a surprised look, but he didn't say anything else. The mission wasn't over yet.
-Year X778, Dark Écriture: Darkness-
(17-year-old Laxus, 14-year-old Freed)
Freed wanted to stop. He wanted to cry, scream and stop those attacks. He wanted to kill that darkness, kill that agony, kill the feelings suffocating him. But the only thing he succeeding in killing, were his teammates. It didn't matter how much he fought; it didn't matter how much he tried to free himself from the grip. The darkness enveloped him, and he was sinking inside it, letting the demon prevail over him.
Freed felt tears sting his eyes but, he was unable to escape. He couldn't even control the tears pooling at his chin. He couldn't do anything; his body was completely out of his control. He could only watch. Watch and suffer from every blow Laxus dealt. Watch and suffer for every blow the demon dealt.
Freed felt small, helpless, useless. But he was just that. He was just a cursed child, just a monster, just a killer. Freed put his hands to his ears in an attempt to drown out the thoughts, but nothing could stop them. Now they were there, they were constantly repeating themselves, filling his brain, echoing through every nerve.
Stop it, stop it!
But they were right; he was a monster. A monster, a murderer, he deserved that pain, he deserved to die, he deserved to sink, he deserved to disappear.
"Fucking hell, do you wanna get goddamn control back?"
Freed heard a scream and saw flashes of electricity piercing him everywhere. They stung and burned, leaving him in excruciating pain. Freed opened his eyes biting back tears, only for another punch hit him, with Laxus' magic building stronger and stronger in ever more acute pain.
"Stupid kid, what the fuck are you doing, huh?" the voice growled again, and Freed looked up, seeing his teammate keep fighting him. Laxus was right, what the fuck was he doing? Crying and letting the demon seize control? No, he was stronger than that, he was better than that. He wouldn't let the demon kill his team. He was a member of Fairy Tail, the Captain of the Raijinshuu, the bodyguard of Laxus Dreyar. He had to protect all three. It was his promise. No matter what, he wasn't going to kill them.
Freed scrambled to stand but was halted by another shock. He gritted his teeth trying to bear it best he could and tried to rise from the darkness. It swelled around him and pulled him down, leaving him suffocated in the darkness. But he could still reach towards the light. Freed knew it. There was always a way to escape.
He growled and forced himself back up, ignoring the pain of lightning and the burning. He just had to think about his teammates and the guild he was a part of. He had to think of his friends, Bickslow and Evergreen. Freed ascended and for a moment stopped the blow the demon wanted to throw, only to sink into its control again.
The demon struck once more. Laxus had wavered for a moment, and the demon was more than happy to take that opportunity. Freed gritted his teeth again, scrambling a second time. The demon was launching another attack but as soon as Freed regained control he held it back. He was already sinking again, but the shock of electricity convinced him to grit his teeth and stay aloft. Then he closed his eyes and pushed all the darkness into himself, into the back of his mind, into his heart, and his soul.
When he finally felt it grow small, he forced himself to open his eyes again, only to see two orange eyes staring at him doubtfully. Laxus had a ready fist with electricity crackling.
"Hope you're you again," he growled, and Freed nodded.
"I'm back," he whispered and Laxus lowered his fist.
Freed realized that he was collapsed on the ground, Laxus at his side.
"Your demon is fucking awesome but you really have to learn to control it," Laxus snapped as he walked away. Freed didn't move. He still felt numb from the shocks, dizzy from the fight, and tired as if he had exhausted all of his energy.
"I'm sorry," he said. Bickslow and Evergreen rushed to his side and helped him sit up. Freed grimaced but held back a groan, even though he could feel injuries covering his skin. It wasn't the first time he fought Laxus, but God, that was painful. Freed glanced at Laxus and noticed that his leg was injured.
Freed reached out to him.
"I'll heal your wound," he said, partly to apologize, partly because he felt guilty. Laxus gave him a dirty look.
"It's nothing," he retorted grumpily and stood up. Freed noticed that he was staggering a bit and felt even worse. However, he didn't dare say anything knowing his pride. Laxus glanced at him as Freed got to his feet, aided by Bickslow and Evergreen. "You should fight with that demon more often, he's fucking strong," Laxus said with a grin.
Freed looked up with widening eyes, wondering if he was crazy.
"You saw what happens if I do."
Laxus rolled his eyes and snorted and took a step toward him. Laxus was close, close enough that their foreheads were almost touching. Freed looked up.
"This happens because you don't train, kid. You just have to get stronger than the demon, that's why he takes control." Laxus turned away and walked away. "Now let's get this fucking reward, I don't want to waste any more time."
Freed couldn't argue and followed Laxus, refusing the help of Bickslow and Evergreen. As he watched the blond with admiration and respect, a thought formed in his head. Maybe Laxus wasn't all wrong, maybe the only thing he needed to resist the demon was training.
-Year X781, Freed the Dark-
(20-year-old Laxus, 17-year-old Freed)
"For a kid who wants to follow the rules, you break them quite often."
Freed's head jerked up in surprise at the voice. Laxus Dreyar. How did he find him? Freed made sure he wasn't being followed by anyone when he walked away from Magnolia.
"How did you find me?" he asked aloud this time.
"Easy, I saw that the mission I wanted to take was gone and that you were gone too," Laxus explained, sitting beside Freed. "Now you have to explain to me why you took a class S mission, especially when you know it's forbidden," Laxus commented, crossing his arms behind his head and throwing him a curious look.
"I'll take full responsibility for my actions," Freed assured, deflecting the question and staring straight ahead. He didn't plan on coming back. He would complete that mission at any cost.
"Not if you do it with me," Laxus retorted. Freed remained silent, refusing to reveal his true motive. "Then I'll guess," the Dragon Slayer challenged, glancing at Freed from head to toe.
"You hide under a cloak, in the past this place was headed by Lord Justine, and the mission requires to break a demonic curse written in strange purple characters. I suppose you or your family created the curse, right?" he inquired, and Freed pursed his lips, nervous. The last thing Freed wanted was for anyone to know his past, or to know his family.
"So? Are you going to explain it or do I have to find out all by myself? Because I will," Laxus challenged. Freed stared at his hands, peering at his guild mark. He knew that Laxus would find out. He was one of the most skilled wizards he knew, and not just physically. It didn't take a genius to understand that this mission had to do with Freed or his family.
Freed sighed and then looked up at Laxus, who was watching him expectantly.
"Okay," Freed said. "But you have to promise me that you'll never tell anyone about it." Laxus nodded and Freed resolved to speak.
"You're right, I was the one who launched the curse five years ago. I lived in that villa with my parents" he said, indicating with a nod of his head the large villa located on the hill, surrounded by a black fog, the same one breathed into the city, and the reason the city had asked Fairy Tail for help. "I was part of the Justine family; my father was the lord. It's not like they really headed over this city. Theoretically, they had no rights other than the territories behind the hill. However, they were feared by everyone for their strength," he said. "And a few years ago," he paused for a moment, uncertain. "A few years ago, there was a bad fight, which led to the birth of the curse," he concluded.
Laxus raised an eyebrow and peered at him.
"I guess that's not all," he said. Freed looked away.
"Details aren't important."
Laxus snorted and stood up.
"Okay, then let's go and destroy this curse. I guess I'll find out of the rest when we get there." Laxus started towards the hill and Freed hurried after him, making sure his cloak still covered his face well.
"We won't go into the villa," he objected.
"It's not for you to decide" was the dry reply of Laxus.
Freed wasn't satisfied. He had destroyed the curse in minutes. It was child's play, but Freed certainly didn't feel good at it. Since he created the curse, it was quite obvious that eliminating it would be easy. Revisiting the villa had brought back only old memories. Old and terrible memories, and in that moment, Freed had decided that he was going to destroy that house.
He had done it, now he could only look ahead of him at the rubble of what had once been his home. But he still wasn't satisfied and wanted to let years of anger and fear out. He would eliminate his past, destroy it definitively, destroy every little existence of the Justines, destroy everything that bound him to that place, but he couldn't do it. He growled as he put his hands on his thighs, exhausted from the amount of magic he had used. An exaggerated amount, since he could have destroyed that building with much less. But he needed to let off steam, and he still needed it.
A new wave of dark magic rose, but he felt Laxus' hand rest on his shoulder and a felt slight jolt run through him.
"That's enough," he said. Freed turned to him, gritting his teeth.
"No," he growled.
"By now you've nothing else to destroy. What you're doing is pointless and senseless," the Dragon Slayer retorted harshly. Freed pulled away from his hold.
"Pointless and senseless?" he repeated furiously and again a wave of energy surrounded him. "You've no idea what I had to go through, you've no idea how much I want to destroy everything here" he growled and Laxus looked at him with an indecipherable expression.
"Tell me then," he said. Freed turned to the castle, refusing to do anything like that. Laxus wouldn't have understood anyway, he doubted anyone could. Seeing the rubble and dirt he had raised pissed him off even more. Laxus was right. It was useless, destroying the castle wouldn't change his past. It wouldn't change who he had been, nor who he was at that moment.
Frustrated and furious, he collapsed to the ground, trembling and feeling a sudden urge to cry. He didn't, because Laxus was there and he wouldn't show himself so vulnerable. He was silent and strangely Laxus sat down next to him, staring at the rubble and silently lighting a cigar.
They stayed like that for a few minutes until Freed's nerves compelled him to speak.
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"I'm waiting for the story" was the simple reply from Laxus, who glanced at him, throwing out a puff of smoke. "You hated your parents, didn't you?"
"I hated my father," Freed clarified. "I still hate him."
"Parents can be assholes," Laxus commented. "So, what did he do?"
Freed almost laughed. He mentally filed through the very long list of things his father had done and hadn't. The longer he thought about his father the more he resented him, and the more he wanted to go back in time and exact revenge. Now that he was dead, Freed had lost his chance.
"My parents were mages, but they weren't very powerful. However, they were both very fascinated by wealth and dark magic" he began to explain chronologically, despite the difficulties to remember it in order. Laxus let him speak and Freed continued, unsure why he was telling Laxus. He had never thought of confiding in anyone, and the Dragon Slayer certainly wasn't his first choice. But he was here now.
"They did business with dark guilds. They found items for them and sold them, or they bought items to then resell to others. Our house was full of those things, and I was a curious child, I wanted to know more. I was fascinated by everything related to magic, so one day I opened a book and read a spell. There was a demon in that book, and I saw that with that spell I could capture his soul and have his magic. My father didn't pay much attention to me, he thought I was just a child with no magical talent, no matter what I did. I wanted to prove otherwise, so I cast the spell and united our souls."
"You were a child and was already able to do something like this?" Laxus asked.
"Yeah," Freed replied. "I think I've already proven to be skilled," he commented coldly and Laxus just gave a half-laugh, puffing more smoke and waving him on.
"It actually worked. I caught my father's attention all too well. At first, I lost control and feared he would treat me even worse, but he didn't. He saw potential and he decided to train me. I was very happy, so I did what he said," Freed said and stopped for a moment, thinking about the training his father had forced him to do. He clenched his hands in two fists and a new wave of hatred overwhelmed him.
"I told you the Justine family was feared. Well, it was because of me. When someone dared to challenge my father, he would bring that person to me and tell me to torture or kill him. Every now and then he even made me do it in public, in the town square. Everyone began to fear him and my father was happy, he felt himself the master of the city" Freed stopped for a moment. "My mother wasn't happy, and she told me it was wrong to do it, and I knew it. So, one day I refused and… my father blocked my magic and made me understand that refusing him wasn't allowed, especially in front of other people".
"Did he beat you?" Laxus asked.
"Yes," was the dry reply and Laxus snorted.
"Asshole" he growled and Freed turned to him, feeling a little understood. Maybe that was the reason he was comfortable sharing with his teammate.
"My father became more pretentious and crueler. Both with the wizards of the dark guilds, with the city, and with us. I don't know if it was the wealth or the amount of magical power, he had accumulated that drove him out of his mind, but it happened. And one day he killed my mother," he said in a distant tone as if he wasn't talking about his family but something foreign to him.
"I was there, the two of them were arguing because of me and then they started fighting. I knew my dad would win, but I was scared, so I didn't even try to stop him. My mother was a good woman, I loved her, and since all the children in the city feared me, she was the only person I could have fun with. She was the only one who really loved me. She died because of me in front of my eyes, and I didn't even try to save her," he said coldly, reviewing the images of her in his head as if they were part of a movie. He would never forget his mother's expression, her screams, her lifeless body.
"My father destroyed her body. When I realized she was dead I went mad and my demon took over. I tried to kill my father, but I was still too weak and he stopped me. My father locked me in a room for weeks, torturing me to make me understand who was in charge and what would happen if I failed his orders. I think that's when I truly started to hate him."
"I hated him. I hated him so much you can't imagine. But instead of taking that anger out on him, I took it out on all the innocent people he brought in front of me. If I was hesitant to torture people before, at that moment I began to enjoy it. He was proud of me, but the more he was, the more I hated him".
"I've never forgiven him. I've never forgotten that day, and for years I've prepared a revenge for him. I wanted to destroy him. But I didn't want to just kill him, I wanted him to suffer, I wanted him to feel what I had felt all those years, what my mother had felt before she died. And I wanted to take everything away from him. So, I studied for a long time in the library, looking for the most frightening spells, until I found a forbidden curse".
"This curse would have locked people into an eternal Hell. I was excited, I couldn't wait to torture him and the men most trusted by him. I prepared everything in advance, away from everyone. I drew the runes around the entire villa. It took me half a year. Every time I thought about the final spell, I enjoyed the sights, I imagined my father's expression, I imagined him crying, I wanted to make him cry." Freed's words poured out of his mouth uncontrollably.
"And finally, the day come. It didn't go the way I wanted. Even though it had taken me half a year to prepare it, I wasn't powerful enough. The curse hit my father and it worked. But for only three days. I stayed there for three days hearing my father's screams and I was delighted. But after only three days he died, I no longer felt anything. I made sure he was really dead, and I was so angry that I destroyed his body. But I still wasn't satisfied. But it was over now, I couldn't do anything else. So, I left. I wanted to live in the city, but I heard what they said about me. They all hated me, they called me the monster, the cursed child or Freed the Dark. I left and vowed never to come back," Freed concluded. Laxus was silent and Freed continued to stare at the rubble for a long time. No words were exchanged between the two.
"This mission was because of the curse. Something went wrong and filled the city with fog," Freed explained after a while.
"Your father is even worse than mine," Laxus commented and turned to him. "At least you managed to take revenge."
"I don't deserve to be part of Fairy Tail," Freed murmured, sadness enveloping him.
"You do," Laxus sternly retorted.
"I'm just a monster," Freed sighed. Laxus snorted and put out his cigar.
"You're not what your father decided for you," Laxus consoled. "You're much better, and you've already proved it. You deserve to be a part of Fairy Tail more than anyone else." Freed turned to him, surprised at the statement said with complete certainty. Laxus had never been very sensitive, yet he was here. He had listened to him and hadn't changed his mind about him. Indeed, he had Laxus' respect and friendship, and it made Freed feel accepted and warm inside. Laxus put his hand on his shoulder.
"You're a skilled wizard and a good person. And you're so much better than anything your dad has ever led you to believe," he added, and Freed could only look into his eyes, feeling overwhelmed by those words in a way that had never happened. "So don't be ashamed of who you are. Take off this cloak and show that you're different from your father," Laxus said and stood up, holding out his hand. Freed took it and stood up without hesitation.
"Thanks," Freed murmured. Laxus grinned.
"Although, I have to say, Freed the Dark sounds quite threatening. Maybe you should start using it." Laxus started down the hill. Freed watched him for a while before following him, feeling his heart beating madly. If Laxus, the person who most represented Fairy Tail, told him that, then Freed had no doubt he was right.
I swear Laxus, you won't regret putting your trust in me, Freed thought, as he walked beside him.
-Year X791, Dark Écriture: Fear-
(23-year-old Laxus, 20-year-old Freed)
The brush ran smoothly through the boy's hair, who looked at himself in the mirror. He was sitting on the big mattress, and behind him, his mother was singing softly, fixing his hair. Freed hummed the melody to himself and moved his fingers to the rhythm of the song. When the woman put the brush on the bedside table, she smiled in the mirror.
"You like it?" she asked.
Freed ran a hand through his hair, which reached over his shoulders and shrugged.
"It's just hair," he said automatically. A phrase that his father constantly repeated every time he saw Freed brush it.
"You don't like it?" the woman asked softly.
"Father doesn't care" was the next automatic reply.
"Your father isn't here," the woman said and rested her chin on his shoulder. "What do you think about it?" she asked again. Freed observed himself for a long time in the mirror.
"I like it," he said. His mother smiled and kissed him on the cheek. Then she sat cross-legged on the mattress and grabbed a large hardcover book. Freed turned to her, suddenly curious and excited.
"Will you read me a story?" he asked, and the woman nodded, smiling, looking down at the first page and beginning to read. Freed rested his head on the palms of his hands, curious about the new book.
His mother continued to read aloud, but it became a distant murmur. He heard a scream and then some crying and looked around, trying to understand the sudden foreboding changes. He turned to the mirror but didn't see the reflection of a child, but that of a teenager. His hair now reached his waist, his face was sharper.
He turned back and was no longer in his room. He was in the garden of his villa, holding a sword. A woman in front of him was crying and pleading. Freed couldn't understand what she was saying, but of one thing, he was sure. That woman was terrified, and she didn't want to die. By now, however, her fate had been set.
Freed felt the darkness envelop him, the heat rising through his body. His right eye burned and all his muscles were tense. His lips moved on their own and a single word came out.
"Death," he whispered.
For a moment, silence fell around him. He no longer heard screams, no tears, no pleas. It was an abnormal silence as if the whole world had fallen silent. The woman put her hands to her chest, winced a couple of times with wide eyes, and then fell back to the ground. A helpless body with a blank expression on her face. Her eyes were full of the terror that had struck her in the moments before death took her.
Freed looked at her and lowered his sword, exhaustion hitting him suddenly. His energy disappeared, and he collapsed. But he didn't have to. He could stay up, stand up, he didn't have to let him down.
A hand rested on his shoulder.
"I'm proud of you," his father said.
Freed raised his head. Two large bright green eyes met his. The little girl was screaming.
"Mom! Mom!" she screamed and Freed stepped back.
"Murderer! Murderer!" the little girl screamed. Freed backed away and crashed into a wall.
"You're a killer! Give me back my mom!" she kept screaming and Freed wanted to run away. He turned but couldn't run anywhere. In front of him was the body of Cana, lying in the rubble. Freed stopped and the sword fell from his hands. He was shaking. He wanted to turn around and leave and never return. But he knew that if he did it, it would be worse. That something even worse would happen. The darkness would follow.
As if forced to do so, his face turned to the right. Elfman was there, also lying on the ground. He was perfectly still; his chest was covered with the rune that had killed him. Above him, Mirajane was crying, and she was screaming, and her screams filled his ears.
"Murderer! Murderer!" Freed desperately turned, tried to escape, but stumbled through the rubble, fell to the ground and sank, under the earth. It was all dark, and he felt lost. He tried to fly. He had to get out of there. He had to escape. He had to find a way back home. But something was holding him down.
"Freed" the voice calmed him instantly. Freed turned and was greeted by Laxus.
"Freed," he repeated, and Freed tried to get closer.
"Laxus, I'm sorry," Freed breathed through tears.
"You killed him."
Freed stopped short and Laxus looked away. Whatever void Freed had fallen into had vanished, and he was back down on earth. He was in the center of Fiore's arena. And in front of him, there was another dead body. Ivan. His armor was shattered; his body was full of wounds. Blood stained the ground beneath him. His eyes were wide with pain and fear. Freed took a step back.
"You killed him," Laxus said.
Freed looked up, perhaps for a savior, or any sense of peace, but in the stands, there were members of Fairy Tail. They hated him, everyone hated him. He caught the Master's furious gaze and Freed was still under his glare.
Makarov raised his hand and a powerful light radiated from his palm, Freed tried to bring his arms in front of him to defend himself, pleaded that it wasn't him, but it was useless. He was outnumbered and outmatched when everything went white.
Freed jumped up, his heart pounding in his chest and sweat sticking his clothes to his body. Terror ran through him and Freed inhaled deeply to attempt to calm himself.
'It was a nightmare,' he thought. 'It was just a nightmare' But it didn't help him, because he knew it wasn't just a nightmare. Because he knew he had really killed that woman years ago. Because he knew he had risked killing Elfman and Cana. Because he knew that when he saw Ivan in the arena, he felt that sudden desire to let himself go to the darker side. Because he wanted to kill the father of the person he loved.
Freed put a hand to his chest feeling his still racing heart. He wanted to throw up and cry.
"Freed, are you okay?"
Freed looked up suddenly. It was Laxus. The boy sat by the fire they had built on their way home from a mission. Freed scanned their campsite. There were two sleeping bags, the small fire, and their backpacks placed on the ground. They had decided to walk home so that Laxus wouldn't have to take the train.
"Freed?" Laxus called him and Freed turned to him and smiled slightly to reassure him.
"I'm fine, I just had a nightmare," he explained as he stood up and got out of the sleeping bag. He realized that his clothes were indeed damp with sweat and his hair was sticking to his neck and his clothes.
"You've been getting them a lot recently, is something bothering you?" Laxus asked. Freed shook his head.
"No," he replied simply and sat next to him in front of the fire, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. But Laxus was right, he had been having nightmares for weeks, about his past, about his mother, about the people he had killed, about the people he could have killed, and about the ones he wanted to kill.
He'd had nightmares in the past, namely the Battle of Fairy Tail, and just as he finally began to overcome them, the Grand Magic Games brought them back in full force. And as much as he wanted to banish those thoughts, he just couldn't seem to do it.
He felt Laxus' arm around his shoulders.
"Don't you want to talk about it?" he asked and Freed closed his eyes, leaning against him and closing his eyes. Talk about it with him, of all people? He who had asked him to kill his guildmates? He who was the son of the man Freed wanted to torture to death?
"No," he said, "I'll pass."
He felt Laxus's gaze fixed on him and his arm comforting him.
"You said my name," the blond said, and Freed stiffened. "You said my name and then yelled that you weren't the one who killed them," he said tonelessly. "You know, I've never thought about it too much but I can't believe I asked you to do something like that. I used you like your father did and I'm sorry. I know you'll never forgive me but…".
"I've already done that," Freed said. "We've already talked about it. I forgave you Laxus, completely. The only person I haven't forgiven is myself".
"My fault," Laxus murmured.
"No," Freed tried to say reassuringly. "Laxus, darkness has been with me for a lifetime, it wasn't you who pulled it out, it wasn't you who put it in, and it wasn't you who made me hate it," he said forcefully. "You helped me instead to make me accept it as part of me, and even though I'm still working on it, it's to your credit that I can now control the demon. It's to your credit if I don't feel horrible for everything I've done".
"But you still have nightmares about the battle of Fairy Tail," Laxus muttered and Freed shook his head.
"Trust me, that's not the cause of my nightmares," he said.
"So, what's it?" Laxus asked.
Freed didn't answer. He stared into the flames in front of him while he thought back to the nightmare he had had, the destroyed body of Ivan, the pleas of that woman. Freed didn't think those nightmares would ever go away, but that wasn't Laxus's fault, it was the fault of the darkness that accompanied him and the evil he was hiding and that he was trying to control.
"My greatest fear" he answered simply. He let himself be enveloped by his friend's embrace.
-Year X793, Dark Écriture: Suffering-
(25-year-old Laxus, 22-year-old Freed)
Freed could still hear the screams of terror of the enemies. He could still hear their pleas and their cries, their prayers, and their despair. And the more he heard them, the better he felt. The more he heard them, the more satisfaction grew inside him. The more he looked at their faces full of terror and pain, the more his soul laughed. There was no escape from that rune and Freed enjoyed every single moment of it.
He wanted it. He wanted to make them feel small. He wanted to make them feel powerless; he craved their terror. He wanted to make them pay for everything they did to his teammates. He wanted them to feel the way they did. He wanted to hear them pray for death. At that point, perhaps Freed would have satisfied them. Though he probably wouldn't have indulged them.
They deserved it; they had asked for it. They had mistreated his comrades and still had laughed at it. They had enjoyed Fairy Tail's momentary helplessness. Now it was his turn, and it was right. And if that wasn't right, Freed didn't care. It was he who made the rules.
Freed walked down the corridor going out into the fresh air and closing off the screams with the door behind him. He almost wanted to stay there and listen to them longer, but he knew that if he did, he'd seriously risk going mad and giving in to his dark side. And as much as he enjoyed having that dark power, he knew it was best not to go too far.
He walked away and entered the woods, passing all the trees in the shadows of the night and reaching the small stream near Magnolia. He sat down on the ground and looked at the water in front of him.
He didn't want to get carried away by rage or fury, but he was far too happy to hear those screams. And even though he could no longer hear them now, just knowing that those men were still suffering filled him with a terrifying joy. He knew he would have to let them go sooner or later. He had to do it, fearing his sanity would disappear with each scream.
He heard footsteps behind him and then a voice.
"Are they still in there?" Laxus asked as he sat down behind him and wrapped him in a hug, pulling Freed against him and resting his head against his chest.
"Yes," Freed said. "They were already begging," he said with a sadistic smile and felt Laxus' arms squeeze him even more. Freed felt himself returning to reality and realized what he had said and in what tone. "Sorry, I sound like a monster." He knew that Laxus avoided gratuitous violence. He could kill someone or fight them if he was pissed off, but torture wasn't his style. God, he must have found Freed awful. His stomach sunk at the thoughts, but still, Laxus's proximity helped him. The blond rested his chin on his shoulder.
"I knew who you were from the moment I met you," he said. "And I never thought you were a monster, you know."
"I know," Freed agreed softly. It still seemed strange to him, but it was true. Laxus had never been afraid of him, and he had seen some terrible things.
"Don't keep them in there any longer," Laxus murmured, leaving him a kiss on the neck.
"They deserve it," Freed objected.
"Yes," Laxus agreed. "But you don't, and I'd rather you stay with me."
Freed didn't answer, knowing what Laxus meant. And he was right, he didn't have to give up. He could have fun, but without completely abandoning himself. He closed his eyes and leaned completely on Laxus, who was now holding him in a loving embrace that Freed probably didn't deserve. Even that didn't interest him. Laxus loved him, Freed loved him, and that was one of the few pure things in Freed's life. He wouldn't let him go.
"You know Laxus," Freed said after a while, placing his hand on Laxus's and stroking it slowly. "Sometimes I like to be a monster".