Chapter 4

Caroline reluctantly disentangled herself from Bonnie after some time. Bonnie's hands remained on Caroline's cheeks, caressing them softly. Caroline couldn't stop herself from smiling sappily at Bonnie, who smiled equally sappily back at her.

"So what do we do now?" Caroline asked softly.

"Well, first, you need to finish your lunch before you pass out from sheer hunger." Bonnie reminded her gently. "When were you planning to go back to Mystic Falls?"

"I have a flight out booked for tomorrow morning." Caroline informed her. "We'll reach late at night, unfortunately, but it's the earliest I could manage without burning a hole in my pocket." Bonnie raised her eyebrows. "It's a small school, Bonnie, and we always kept it to the bare minimum possible - we need 30 students to qualify, so we rarely take any more than that. It's profitable - very much so - but I can't afford to spend regularly on this kind of hotel and on constant flights. When I'm alone, I stay at seedy motels and use the cheapest rental cars I can find, because that's as low as I can get the costs to be. But I wanted to splurge a little so Lizzie could have a good summer. I worry about her and Josie, all the time. I wanted Josie to come too, but she insisted on staying to keep an eye on Alaric. She's always trying to take care of everyone else, and never takes care of herself."

"Sounds like someone I know." Bonnie said, smiling softly at Caroline.

"Yeah - that's exactly why I worry so much about her. Somehow, despite all the insecurities and everything negative that Lizzie's inherited from me, I feel like she's stable - despite everything, she's in control, far more than I'd have expected her to be. But Josie - I worry that she's always dealing with something heavy, and if she won't take the time to focus on herself, it could end up being very painful for her. I need to be there for my kids, Bonnie - what the hell am I doing running myself ragged all over the globe focused on some far-off threat when my daughters have spent practically an entire decade raising themselves alone? I swore I'd be a better mother to my daughters than my mom was to me, but I feel like I completely failed at that." Caroline began to cry softly, every emotion she'd felt over the last decade coming out of her in waves. Bonnie placed a comforting arm around her and caressed her back gently.

"It's okay, Caroline - I'm here. Let it all out." Bonnie said gently, wiping away her friend's tears.

"Am I a terrible mother, Bonnie?" Caroline questioned. "I abandoned my kids when they needed me most, so I must be." Tears fell thick and fast from her eyes, a thousand little knives stabbing at her chest as the pain threatened to kill her.

"Hey, no. No." Bonnie said firmly. "Your daughters have grown up to be two talented, caring and kind young women, and that is your legacy. You were put into a horrible situation for no fault of your own, and you made the best of it - more than anyone else ever could have. You talk like you've been away from your daughters for practically a decade, but for most of those years, you were there when they needed you - even if you were away some of those times. The Merge is a threat, and you were right to be worried - any parent would do everything they could to protect their kids from that kind of fate. Maybe you made some mistakes along the way - everyone does, even the best parents - none of us are perfect. That doesn't make you a horrible parent or a horrible person - it makes you human."

"But I - "

"But nothing." Bonnie said gently yet firmly. "The woman I fell in love with all those years ago - she might not have been perfect, but she had the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. That is who you are, Caroline - you love, and you love fiercely. Your daughters know that, and they trust you to be there for them when they really need you."

Lizzie, who was listening outside the door, sank to the floor in relief. Bonnie was right - her mother loved her and Josie so much, and they did trust her to be there for them, no matter what. She sometimes worried that Mom kept beating herself up for things that were completely out of her control, or when she should actually be proud of the job she'd done. Sounds like somebody I used to know, Lizzie thought to herself. It was weird - Lizzie certainly knew this person, whoever they were, but she couldn't remember them - it was like having a name at the tip of your tongue but being unable to retrieve it. Whoever they were, they had to have been important to her, though - sometimes, Lizzie felt their absence like a void inside her chest.

Shaking herself, Lizzie dispensed with those thoughts. She was glad Aunt Bonnie was there - she hadn't been sure what to make of Mom saying she was in love with Aunt Bonnie, and Aunt Bonnie confessing she felt the same way - after all, it had seemed to come out of nowhere. But she could appreciate the fact that when her mom beat herself up, Aunt Bonnie was there to remind her who she was and why she shouldn't be beating herself up. They truly loved each other, and Lizzie wanted her mother to be happy, so she was happy they'd found each other again after all these years.