She's observant. She doesn't know a lot about herself—still figuring things out—but one thing Meredith Grey knows for sure is that she's observant.

She notices things, even the subtleties and unseen ticks and it's probably the cause of 75% of her pain. She sees things she shouldn't, connects the dots immediately, puts meanings to actions that's unfortunately right 80% of the time.

But basically, she's observant. And she hates that fact about herself, especially now, at this moment, when she's standing by the nurses' station, staring at her ex-boyfriend, who was holding two cups of coffee, taking deep breaths, looking gorgeously flawed with the healing bruises and fresh band-aids covering his face.

Her ex-boyfriend, the ex-husband of the attending she's assigned to. The attending who she helped get cheated on the night at the prom.

Her days were filled like this, with Derek constantly trailing behind Addison every time he got the chance.

He's everywhere where Addison is.

Can't find Dr. Shepherd?

Oh, just look for Dr. Montgomery and he would be there for sure.

Once upon a time, she was the object of his affection. His eyes were constantly on her. She hated that she loved it, because she really respected Addison with her kindness, classiness, and professionalism, yet there was her then husband, giving Meredith the McDreamy look that she can't resist.

And god, it was so hard. Even with Finn by her side. Finn, who is a great guy and a perfect boyfriend and someone who will just not hurt her… unlike Derek, who managed to inflict so much damage within the five months she knew him.

Now she has none. And Meredith wants to hate Addison—she hates her a bit, actually—but she hates herself more for not having the energy to hate the woman with every single cell of her body. Because no matter the problem, she is constantly aware that her hatred should be directed at Derek… but she's still so hung up with the could-have-been great relationship they could have—had… and now it circles back to her teensy hatred of Addison.

"Dr. Grey," Meredith looked at the red-haired woman she was assigned to. She was the epitome of beauty, someone who turns many heads the minute she enters the room. And Meredith was… the plain Jane, someone who literally blends in the crowd with no hopes of standing out.

"I heard you willingly volunteered to be in my service." One thing that amazes and annoys Meredith at the same time is how completely emotionless Addison could be, especially when they're working. She hopes the woman slips her unprofessionalism a bit, some cracks of imperfection to prove that she's not Derek's perfect choice.

"Yes," Meredith said, not offering more explanation.

"You're really up for three c-sections today?" She did not know whether the attending was being sarcastic or not, so she just went to her safest move—nod.

"Alright. I suppose you're going to keep your mouth shut the whole day too?" Now that was sarcasm.

Meredith was about to say something when two men overcrowded them before they could walk away from the nurse's station.

"Coffee?"

Mark Sloan and Derek Shepherd were both holding cups of coffee obviously bought from outside the hospital. Meredith stared at the two men who both identically have patches on their faces. She would have laughed had the tension radiating from Addison weren't coming off in waves.

They were obviously staring at the redhead… who was staring at her with passive eyes.

Define "awkward."

Meredith immediately looked away, knowing full well shit was about to go down.

"When you're done palpitating from those coffees, let me know so you can scrub in, Grey." Before Meredith could utter a reply, the woman was already a few feet away from them. She glared at the men, who were both staring at Addison's retreating form with frowns etched on their faces.

"She thought those were for me. Next time, I suggest saying a name." She followed Addison, not bothering to look back at the jackasses.

Getting involved with Derek Shepherd was really the dumbest decision she ever made.

"Dr. Grey…" She knows that voice very well. She kept walking, heading towards her car, resolved to ignore the man who doesn't deserve a single ounce of her attention.

"Meredith, wait." Of course, he caught up with her. His strides were like, five steps for her.

"I just want to talk." Meredith stared blankly at the man, hating herself as her heart skipped a few beats. While Mark Sloan was undeniably handsome, Derek was painfully captivating and so unattainable that it makes her a hundred times more attracted.

"I… I'm sorry." Tears pooled in Meredith's eyes. Just when she had a complete list of reasons as to why she hates him, he would do this. "I want to make everything right this time, and I know I hurt you a lot. I apologize for stringing you along, you don't deserve that."

"No," She said, hating how her voice betrayed her. "No. You always, always do this to me. Hurt me when I least expect it. I was moving on, Derek, and you… you do this—"

She stopped when she saw sincerity in his eyes, a glimpse of the "McDreamy" she fell hard for.

"I'm really sorry, Meredith." They stared at each other for a while. Behind Derek, Cristina and George were heading towards them, with Cristina worriedly looking at her. Worried and ready to kill.

"So… it's her, huh?" She asked, her scabbing wound now reopened, bleeding.

"Yes… again, I'm sorry, Meredith. For what it's worth, I really did love you. It's just that…"

"You love her more." She filled the blanks, hurting herself in the process. She nods, taking a deep breath in an attempt to ease the growing pain in her chest. "I guess you better go before Cristina kills you."

"But we're… okay?" His audacity to ask her that annoyed the hell out of her and she personally wanted to kill him. It dawned on her that no matter how sincere, how genuinely captivating and dreamy Derek is, he is still a man with flaws. Flaws she isn't sure she can keep up with.

"You broke my heart countless times, Derek. Do you think we're okay?"