"Why are you wearing... my watch? Wh... when did you..."
Outwardly, Kris was a perfect blank.
Inwardly, they were desperately trying to scream, even as two – and only two – thoughts sprang into their mind.
Either to answer Noelle with "in your dream", or to stay silent.
As always, neither one was what Kris wanted to do. They'd never wanted to do any of this in the first place. But unfortunately, they'd lost control of themselves to... it. They didn't know what it wanted, they didn't know why it was doing this, they didn't even know who, or what, it was.
Yesterday, they hadn't been entirely sure about it. They'd spent most of the day with Susie, and Ralsei, and Lancer, in the Dark World, wandering through the forest and running into all sorts of beings that were neither human nor monster. Even though they were under its control, the adventure had been enjoyable through and through. The adventure had even helped them forget about how unsettling it was to them, if only for the day. And if there were any moments where it could have done something... something bad, then it had decided not to bother.
Today, Kris hadn't been so lucky. And neither had Noelle.
In the back of their own mind, Kris felt the memories flit past them, one after another, each one making them feel sick to their stomach.
Dragging Noelle in the wrong direction and immediately going after every Darkner they saw, leaving a trail of frozen people in their wake. Hearing the unfamiliar voice of it come out of their mouth, first to say that they'd ride the ferris wheel with Noelle, and then insisting on that Noelle should ride the ferris wheel with them. Listening to Noelle's thoughts, her reflections on how the two of them had grown up together, because of its influence. Telling Noelle to... 'get'... the snowglobe ring. Forcing Noelle to keep moving forward, even when her back was up against a barrier of crackling lightning.
Listening to her internal monologue as she tried to reassure herself that everything was fine.
Hearing her trepidation as it made her memory falter, while soothing her with the idea of getting stronger at the same time.
Watching her freeze Berdly solid, and shuffle away in a daze.
Each one made Kris more and more angry, until all they felt was an incredible, impossible kind of rage. Their reminiscence felt less like going down memory lane, and more like reliving the ordeal all over again. And even now, when the reindeer was teetering on a razor's edge, it was ready to break her.
That – that last realization – suddenly caused a surge of strength to well up within them.
It was the same strength that they'd felt the day before, when they'd thrown themselves in front of an attack intended for Susie. They were so furious with the Spade King, so frightened of losing their newfound friend, that somehow they'd managed to force it down and take control again. That was Kris, not it, making that move when it mattered most.
And so, they came back to Noelle, standing there in the hospital hallway, staring at them with an expression of pure anxiety.
Mentally gritting their teeth, Kris concentrated as hard as they could, trying their best to ignore the replies that it had put forth. They knew that they weren't exactly the best person in Hometown, seen as a prankster at best and a creep at worst, but it was going too far this time.
They felt their fingers twitch. Then, their wrists.
Yes... yes...! They were doing it! They were taking control!
A heavy shudder ran down their spine, and slowly, but surely, they brought their arms up. Then, with trembling hands, they reached for the wristwatch they were wearing. It was a bit of a struggle to take the damn thing off, but after fiddling with the clasp a bit, it finally came loose. They cupped it with both palms as if it it was the most fragile thing in the world, and as they reached out to Noelle, a quiet, haggard voice escaped their throat.
"That... wasn't... me..."
"That... wasn't... me..."
Noelle could have sworn her eyes were bulging out of her head at this point. Kris had suddenly appeared, somehow read her mind, and stared her down with that blank expression they always seemed to have now. And then, they had started shivering, raised their arms, and unlatched her watch. And now, they were offering said watch back to her, trembling so much that it looked like they wanted to cry.
And that voice...!
Her ears had twitched at the sound, so soft, so tired, so recognizably Kris. It was kind of a weird thing to think about, or at least it sounded kind of weird in her head, but that was definitely Kris' voice. It wasn't... it wasn't that voice. The one that they had in... in her dream. Yeah, in her dream.
But...
She stared at her watch, which rattled ever-so-slightly in Kris' shaky hands. Was this some kind of prank? Kris was certainly the prankster type, she knew that just as much as anyone – or maybe even better than anyone. But the way they held the watch out to her, the way they were carrying themselves, the way they had spoken...
The way they had said that... that it wasn't them...
Noelle took a nervous breath, then realized that her hands were clenched tightly to her checker-pattern sweater. Letting go of it, she exhaled... then hesitantly reached out, inching towards her watch...
...and then, she quickly snatched it out of Kris' grasp, moving so fast and so sharply that it made the human's arms plummet down to their sides. Holding her watch close to her chest, she stepped back, her hooves clacking against the hospital flooring. For a moment, everything went silent, and she waited for the inevitable jumpscare to pop out at her.
...but nothing happened.
As the world gradually came back into focus, Noelle shook her head, which helped pull her back to her senses. A few locks of her hair shook loose and fell down in front of her eyes, but she didn't even bother to comb them back into place. Her gaze was firmly fixed on Kris, who was just standing in front of her, still trembling heavily.
"I..."
Their hands twitched again, and then they curled their fingers into tight fists, digging their nails into their palms. Just seeing it made Noelle tense up. They weren't... they weren't going to... to hurt her, were they...!?
"I'm... sorry..."
Noelle let out a silent gasp, but she never even got a chance to ask what they meant: the human turned away from her, then staggered forward, one step at a time. All she could do was stare at them as they passed by... and even with their bangs covering their face, she still saw the tears running down the human's cheeks.
Step. Step. Step. It was like Kris was a zombie, from one of those trashy horror movies that she and Dess had watched, back when she was younger.
They pushed through the doors leading into the lobby, and then they were gone.
Noelle kept staring, her mind racing as she tried to understand what had just happened. She still had her watch in her hands; its plain metal links usually felt cool and soothing on her fur, but right now, it just felt horribly cold. Horribly, icy cold.
None of it made any sense. How in the world had Kris gotten ahold of her watch? Why had they been acting so weird all day? What were they apologizing for?
...why did they feel the need to tell her that it wasn't them?
Unless...
No. No, that was impossible. It was just a dream. Kris might have been acting strange, but Susie didn't have a tail, Berdly was... Berdly had probably woken up and left the library by now. Nothing was wrong. It was just a dream.
Yeah, it was just a dream... a bad dream. A nightmare.
...but why-?
"Hey, Kris! Let's beat it already."
Noelle jumped in shock as the doors to her dad's hospital room abruptly burst open, and Susie abruptly stomped her way back into the hall. The purple lizard let out a long yawn, stretching her arms up above her head in the meantime.
"Man, he kept telling me about Noelle, like..." Susie started to say – Noelle felt herself blush – but once she finished stretching, she trailed off. "Uh... Kris? The hell'd you go?"
The following silence was short, but tremendously awkward. Susie folded her arms and took a quick look around, while Noelle finally reached up to fix her hair.
"Uh... Noelle, you see where Kris went?" Eventually, Susie glanced towards her, looking more than a little confused. "I mean, you had to, right? They came out before me, so..."
The question was an innocent one, but it made Noelle freeze up all the same, her mind moving so fast that all her thoughts just went poof. Her mouth was still hanging open, but try as she might, she just couldn't find the words. Instead, she just mumbled quietly. "I... u-um... th-they, um... I think... they, u-um, they... weren't... f-feeling well?"
One of Susie's eyebrows quirked upward. Noelle couldn't tell if she was skeptical of her answer, or if she was still just confused. Probably both.
Eventually, Susie shrugged and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket. "Huh. Guess I'd better catch up with 'em, then."
And with that, she marched down the hallway and shoved her way back into the hospital lobby, scuffing her sneakers against the floor. Noelle watched as the other girl left, feeling her eyes flick down to check the back of Susie's jeans. And it... it didn't look like Susie had a tail.
On some level, Noelle wasn't surprised with how she had reacted. That was just kind of how she worked when Susie was around – stammering, blushing, feeling butterflies in her stomach. In any other context, stealing a peek at Susie's rear would have made Noelle melt into a blob of embarrassment. But after everything that had happened today, the lack of a tail just sent her mind into overdrive again.
Susie hadn't had a tail. So it was just a dream. It had to be a dream. Right?
Sure, the Kris in her dream had commanded her with a terrifying voice, one that she heard even when Kris themselves was 'knocked out'. Sure, Kris was somehow wearing her watch. But it was just a weird prank, right? They must have woken up, taken her watch and put it on themselves, and then gone back to sleep.
No, wait, Kris had apologized, and told her that it wasn't them. But... that just meant that it was someone else pulling a prank on her, right? They'd pulled a prank on her and Kris both. Maybe Berdly? Or maybe someone else wandered into the computer lab and decided to mess with them?
Kris wasn't talking about that... that voice. They couldn't be talking about that. It was just a bad dream. A bizarre dream that somehow had Kris, Susie, and Berdly all in it too, but still just a dream or something. All she needed was a proper, good night's sleep, and then maybe tomorrow she could ask one of them about it.
Right?
...right...?
Noelle blinked, and found herself gazing straight at the double-doors leading to the lobby. They were still wobbling back and forth from the momentum of being pushed open. Even from this distance, she could still hear the squeaky sound of rubbery shoes on smooth flooring.
She felt an impulse, and without thinking, she latched onto it.
"Susie!" She called out, breaking into a jog to chase after the purple lizard. She forced her way through the double-doors and dashed across the empty lobby, not even noticing the receptionist's cry of annoyance. Her book-bag bounced against her side, her hair shook over her shoulder in waves. "Susie! Wait up, Susie-!"
Her hooves thudded against the entrance mat, causing the hospital's front doors to slide open in response, and she ran outside, feeling the sun and the wind and the fresh air rush over her-
WHAM!
-and then she crashed into something tall.
Noelle stumbled backwards with a yelp, feeling the ground slip out from under her. She spread her arms and opened her hands, instinctively trying to regain her balance... but it was already too late to stop herself from toppling over. A moment later, she landed hard on the sidewalk, hearing a loud thump and then a tinny clatter.
"O-Oww..." A painful buzz coursed through the reindeer's senses, from the tips of her hooves to the top of her antlers. It didn't actually hurt, really, but the impact was enough to clear her head.
And with a clear head, she quickly realized that she had, in fact, just crashed into someone.
"O-Oh! Oh no, I-I'm sorry-!" Her eyes shot open again, and she sat up straight, craning her neck to look at whoever was in front of her. "I didn't m-mean to, I was just..."
Noelle felt her breath catch in her throat. Somehow, in the span of that split-second, she forgot who she'd been chasing after.
Susie had twisted around in surprise, her knees and elbows bent and her back hunched. Her wild, messy hair cascaded down her head and shoulders, and the late afternoon light helped to draw out its dark purple color. Her sharp-yet-pretty yellow eyes stood out starkly from the rest of her, and Noelle couldn't help but lose herself in them. Her heart beat a little faster.
Then Susie spoke up, her voice low, rough, and shiver-inducing. "Something wrong?"
"O-Oh!" Noelle's fur bristled, and she hastily pulled herself back together, dusting herself off and double-checking her book-bag. "I-I'm so sorry, Susie-! I didn't mean to-"
"Hey, you dropped this," Susie cut her off, briefly kneeling down to pick something up from the pavement. She looked at it, furrowed her brows, and then held it out to her. "Looks like it... uh, broke."
Slowly, Noelle stood back up, smoothing her sweater and skirt out before looking over at Susie again. Then, she blinked. And then, she let out a quiet sigh. Of course she dropped her wristwatch.
"Th-Thanks..." She said, taking the watch back for the second time that day. Holding it by its clasp, she turned it all around, studying the metal for any dings or scratches. It didn't look like anything was wrong, though... so she moved to put her watch back on.
Then, when she checked the face of the clock itself, she paused. Not only was the clock stuck at half-past-twelve, but the once-pristine glass now had a thin crack, running straight through it. It was so small that it was almost unnoticeable... but it was there.
The corners of her mouth drooped into a weak frown. Accidentally breaking her heirloom watch was depressing all on its own, but after the bad dream, it just seemed like a comically-bad omen. Come on, universe, this afternoon had been rough enough already!
"...sorry." A grunt from Susie pulled her attention away, and she looked up just in time to see the purple lizard take a step down the sidewalk, away from the hospital.
Susie. Leaving. Bad dream. Bad omen.
The impulse happened again.
"Wait!" She blurted out, taking a step forward herself and hastily grabbing the sleeve of Susie's jacket. "S-Susie-!"
Susie stopped in her tracks, looking over her shoulder with an expression that seemed to be both confused and annoyed. Noelle could feel the rational part of her brain crumpling at the very sight, as if her chances with the other girl had just nosedived.
"Susie... please." But this wasn't her acting rationally – this was pure impulse. "Can... um, c-can we...?"
Susie stared at her. Noelle's cheeks flushed so strongly that she could have sworn they were on fire. Her face must have been incredibly red.
"Can we... t-talk?"
Even as the words left her mouth, Noelle felt her tension drain away, only for a sudden wave of self-consciousness to bowl her over instead. She had just grabbed her crush's jacket! She had just asked her to talk! What was she doing? What was she thinking!?
"Uh." Susie turned around to face her, tugging her sleeve loose along the way. She didn't seem... annoyed anymore, at least. That was a good sign, right? "Yeah... I guess. What's up?"
Noelle stared at her. Then, she heard a distant cough, and her eyes flicked around the street. Two monsters were going for a stroll down the other side of the road. There was another monster turning the corner. And another talking on their phone. And another. And another.
You should use them to get stronger.
"N-No, I mean..." She said, hastily trying to drive that awful voice out of her head. No... she couldn't talk about this here. This was too important. "Can we t-talk... just the two of us?"
Susie stared back at her. Noelle swallowed dryly, steeling herself for a 'no'.
"Alright, fine," Susie muttered, averting her gaze and ducking her head a little, as if she was the one feeling self-conscious. Her confusion and annoyance were gone, replaced by an awkward, and very cute, half-smile. "Your dad... said you like going to the lake. That work for you?"
Noelle blinked. That wasn't a 'no'. In fact, it sounded like a very definite 'yes'.
"Y-yeah..." She replied, gently nodding her head. "Let's... try that."
Thanks, dad...
Through some miracle, the lake was completely deserted today. Even that nice couple, the huge rabbit and dragon monsters, were nowhere to be seen. Noelle was almost glad about it, even though she felt bad for thinking like that. And since nobody else was around, the noise of Hometown had faded out into the pleasant sounds of nature. Water burbled and lapped at the edge of the lake; a fresh breeze blew through the trees; fallen leaves made a satisfying crunch underfoot. After spending so long in that weird dream city, it felt like exactly what she needed.
Susie had been the one to take the lead during their walk to the lake, which suited Noelle just fine. The purple lizard's presence helped to keep the nosier neighbors away, and while some people did glance at Noelle as they passed her by, at most they just gave her a nod hello.
She tried her best not to look at them, or just nodded back without making eye contact. Because somewhere in the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind, she could still hear that terrifying voice, telling her that they were enemies to defeat, issuing one command after another.
Sure, it had been a nightmare, but that was all it was. Even though... even though the more she thought about it that way... the less that excuse seemed to help.
Proceed. IceShock. Proceed. IceShock. Proceed. SnowGrave.
SnowGrave.
SnowGra-
"Hey, Noelle, we're here," Susie's voice snapped Noelle out of her trance, and the reindeer raised her head, watching as Susie marched over to the picnic tables. She sat down at the last one, on the bench facing the lake, and Noelle slowly trotted over and sat down next to her.
Her tail twitched when she realized that Susie was there. Right there. Right next to her.
A hot blush flared onto her cheeks again, and she felt the butterflies in her stomach come to life. It actually helped her forget about the bad dream, at least for a moment – here she was, sitting with her crush, all by themselves. Just one day ago, she'd been asking Kris about what Susie was like. And now, here she was, right there with her. Where in the world had she found the strength?
You've gotten stronger.
She sucked in a breath, trying as hard as she could to plug her mental ears.
"Uhh... Noelle?" Susie cocked her head, waving a hand in front of the reindeer's face. "Earth to Noelle? You there?"
"H-Huh!?" Noelle gasped, then shuddered, letting the other girl's voice wash away her lingering terror. As she came back to reality, she gazed into Susie's face... then sighed and looked down at her lap instead. That's right... this was about more than just some silly crush. "I... yeah... s-sorry, I'm here. I'm... I'm here."
Susie, to her credit, was completely unconvinced. "The hell's up with you, Noelle? You've been acting weird ever since we... uh, ever since we left the library. You sure you're doing okay?"
Of course you are. You've gotten stronger.
Noelle slowly curled her fingers tight, dragging her knuckles against the fabric of her skirt. She had to get that voice out of her head. She just had to. And with Berdly... sleeping, and Kris behaving the way they were, there was only one person she could turn to now. "...no. I'm not."
There was a pause. Susie uncrossed her legs, sat up straighter, and narrowed her eyes.
"Is that... why you wanted to talk?" She asked.
There was another pause. The wind whistled past them, ruffling their hair and casting ripples all along the surface of the lake. It was quiet. And soothing. And nice.
"Susie... b-back at the library..." Noelle began, slowly turning her gaze towards the water. "That was... that really was just a dream... right?"
Seconds passed. Then half a minute. Then a whole minute.
"U-Uh... yeah? I guess?" Susie eventually replied, shaking her head and making an exaggerated shrug with both hands. "Yeah, of course it was just a dream. Just a weird dream and... now it's all done. Nothing to worry about, right?"
Noelle stole a quick glance at her, hoping to see genuine confusion in the purple lizard's eyes.
Instead, she saw what looked like... knowing. Or even understanding. As if she knew exactly the dream she was talking about.
No... no, it couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be... could it...?"
"Susie..." Noelle scooted around to look directly at her. "Please... please tell me the truth. I want to... I-I need to know. "
Susie's eyes bugged out, almost cartoonishly. A few more seconds passed. Then another minute. Noelle didn't – couldn't – tear her gaze away from the other girl. She was surprised her vision didn't end up glazing over.
At least... at least Susie would tell her the truth. She would say yes, it was just a bad dream, and that terrifying voice that kept popping into her head would fizzle into nothingness. All those commands and all those blurred battles would fade, just another bad dream that she could forget about after a good night's sleep.
Susie would tell her it was just a bad dream, even if... even if it meant that Susie somehow knew what happened in her dream.
"I dunno."
Noelle frowned. What?
What kind of answer was that!? What did that even mean!?
"What does that even mean!?" Noelle said, raising her voice as she spoke her mind. Susie jolted in surprise, seemingly taken aback by the reindeer's sudden outburst.
"I dunno!" Susie shot back, shaking her head and throwing her hands towards the sky. "I wasn't sure about it either until Kris and I went to the Dark World again today, and even then I dunno! I dunno if it's a dream, 'cause I remember everything really well, but I don't think people are supposed to... like, remember their dreams that well! And it felt real walking around that big city, and it felt real during that weird roller coaster, and it felt real when I was eating that cotton candy with Ralsei, and-"
The city. The roller coaster. That Asriel look-alike. She knew. She really knew.
How could she know? The only way she could know about all of that was if...
No. No, it couldn't be. It just couldn't be. No.
"-and there was that crazy Queen lady who actually turned out to be kinda okay in the end-"
Queen. She knew about Queen.
No. No, no, no. No. It couldn't be. It was impossible.
"-but I dunno where the hell Berdly went off to, I guess he realized how annoying he is and just left us alone-"
No. No no no. No no no no no
"-and it felt real when we were talking to each other in Queen's mansion, even though you were acting really weird back there, too-"
no no no no no no
Slowly, without even realizing it, Noelle tuned Susie's voice out. She turned back around to sit normally, but raised her hands ever-so-slightly and stared into them. And suddenly, all of the terrifying sensations flooded through her all at once.
no no nO NO NO NO
The frigid chill around her fingers as she readied another IceShock. The awful stabbing pains of the thorn ring that Kris... that it, told her to wear. The people they had run into throughout the city. The cries of terror cut off partway, their frozen bodies contorted in horror or pain, over and over and over.
NO NO NO NO NO NO
The horrible, booming voice that had dominated her every thought. The commands, echoing in her mind again, louder and louder. The voice that seemed to come from Kris... the voice that came even when they were unconscious.
IceShock. IceShock. Get it. Get it. Get it. IceShock. IceShock. Proceed. Proceed. Proceed. IceShock. IceShock. IceShock. IceShock.
SnowGrave.
She felt her eyes widen, wider than she had ever felt them get in her life. Somehow, she sensed her pupils shrinking into pinpricks.
SnowGrave.
NO
SnowGrave.
PLEASE
SnowGrave.
STOP
SnowGrave.
"Noelle...?"
Noelle shrieked as someone's hand clapped down on her shoulder. Or at least, shrieking was what she had wanted to do. Instead, it came out as more of a breathless, gasping whimper.
"It..." She thought aloud. "It w-was real...?"
The person next to her said something, but it didn't even register. She was so tensed up that her fur was standing on end. The lake, the bench, the trees, it was almost like they weren't even there.
"They... w-w-were..." She stuttered. "They were r-real...?"
In her mind's eye, all those blurry events played out, one after another, culminating in the blurriest of them all – except this time, it was crystal-clear. Berdly, angrily brandishing his laser halberd at Kris. Her own voice, distant and weak, yelling at him to run away.
And then... SnowGrave.
"Noelle! Dammit, Noelle, what the hell's gotten into you? Snap out of it!"
She gasped again when she heard Susie's voice cleave through the memories, and she raised her head. The purple lizard was staring at her, her eyes wide and filled with an uncharacteristic unease. She had never, ever seen her like that before.
It didn't make her feel any better.
"I-I..." She murmured. "I really did all of that...?"
"What?" Susie asked, giving her an awkward shake. "What are you talking about?"
"I..." She whispered. "I r-really froze them...?"
Susie's eyes bugged out again. "What...!?"
Noelle almost didn't hear herself speak. Her blood felt like it had stopped flowing in her veins, and her stomach was churning, writhing, turning over itself in horror and self-loathing. "I really... really k-killed them...?"
Susie's jaw dropped open, and she stopped shaking her.
It's only natural.
Noelle realized she was trembling. That her lips were quivering. That her palms were pressed up against her temples. That she had tears clinging to the corners of her eyes.
It hadn't been a dream. It had been real. Really real.
She'd killed them. All of them.
Even Berdly.
"I..." She took a shallow, shaky breath, and gazed into Susie's eyes. "I-I...!"
Susie gazed back at her. She probably had no idea what to say. And Noelle couldn't blame her.
You were just getting stronger.
Noelle scrunched her face up, and with a wracking, heaving sob, she buried her face into Susie's chest and cried her heart out.
Susie had no idea what to say. Or do, for that matter.
After half-explaining-half-rambling about the Dark World and how it was maybe or probably or definitely real... of all the ways she'd expected Noelle to react, saying she'd frozen people to death and bursting into tears wasn't one of them.
As the reindeer sobbed into her shirt, Susie realized that her body had gone rigid, arms raised in surprise and back arched in discomfort. One part of her wanted to comfort the other girl somehow, but another part of her was still reeling at the abrupt confession.
What the hell happened?
After she and Ralsei had split off from Kris, they'd spent most of their time wandering aimlessly around town. Sure, they had... gotten a little distracted around that carnival, but the two of them hadn't spent all that long there! And then they'd randomly stumbled onto Queen's mansion, and Kris ran into them immediately after that.
Susie paused. They'd reunited with Kris... a wide-eyed – that should have been the first red flag, in hindsight – and distraught Kris.
They'd calmed down quickly enough, thanks to her and Ralsei's bit of banter, but when they had gone into the mansion itself and taken a look around, things had been strangely empty. But then, when she went into Noelle's room in the mansion...
Down below, Noelle hiccuped, then kept crying. She could feel the reindeer shuddering.
When she'd gone into Noelle's room in the castle, she'd immediately realized something was up. Something wasn't wrong, necessarily, but something was still up. Though now, she was a lot more sure that something had been wrong.
She'd been sitting on her bed, staring out at the moon, with a glassy-eyed stare and a very small frown. Her voice had been quiet and distant, almost like she didn't even know where she was. All of her earlier confusion and hesitation had vanished, but she wasn't happy, or excited, or surprised, or startled, either. Hell, she didn't even stammer once, even though the reindeer normally couldn't even walk up to her without tripping over her words.
Noelle had just stared at the moon, and nothing Susie said seemed to totally get through to her. She'd even brought up her tail by accident, and Noelle had definitely remembered that part after waking up, much to her chagrin.
Eventually, the reindeer had turned to look at her with that glassy-eyed stare, and asked whether anything was real or not.
Susie couldn't help but shake her head, feeling her hair flop down over her face. She'd ended up going with her gut, and told Noelle that everything was just a dream. And that seemed to help her perk right up... or kind of perk up, anyway. She was still super-detached, but she was at least smiling instead of looking sad.
Had she already done... whatever the hell she did? Was that why she'd been so out-of-it?
Hell, for that matter, why in the world had she frozen anyone to death anyway!?
She wasn't exactly friends with Noelle, sure, but she knew the girl well enough. She was like... like one of those memes online about the cinnamon rolls. She was sweet to her core, probably wouldn't even hurt a fly if it hadn't hurt her first somehow. Susie still remembered when she first started classes, and Noelle had let her borrow a pencil. The reindeer had been so... happy to do it, smiled so brightly at her, that the image was still burned into her mind, even though it had been years since then.
Remembering that now, when that same reindeer was busy bawling her goddamn eyes out, just made it all the more shocking. And uncomfortable.
"U-Uhh... Noelle...?" Susie said, a little quieter and a little softer than she would have liked.
Noelle only responded with another whimper. Then, she let go of her head and flung her arms around Susie's sides instead. Susie felt her muscles tense up again at the sudden hug, but she relaxed just as suddenly, sighing and stiffly patting the reindeer's back.
Really, the worst part was that she'd actually been pretty damn excited that she wanted to talk... or sort of, anyway. She'd outright told Kris that she wished Noelle didn't have to forget their adventure, and the reindeer had still been acting a little off, even after waking up in the library.
She knew none of the adults would ever believe them, but Noelle and Berdly had ended up tumbling in the Dark World by complete accident. The idea that she'd have more people to talk to about it, without having to worry about them being skeptical, was... well, it was exciting. Especially since one of those people was Noelle. She'd been happy about it. Susie wasn't sure why, exactly, but still.
Now, though, she was thinking it might have been better if she'd kept her damn mouth shut.
While Noelle continued to cry into her chest, Susie raised her head and glanced around the lake for a moment. Thankfully, they were still the only ones around. Somehow, she had the feeling that she'd get blamed if anyone saw the reindeer breaking down like this.
"Noelle," She spoke up again, carefully grabbing Noelle's shoulders and giving her yet another shake. "Hey, Noelle!"
"I-I... I k-killed so many o-o-of them...!" Noelle whispered, her voice still shaking and cracking from her sobs. "I-It said... I was g-g-getting strong-g-ger...!"
Susie winced. It? What was it supposed to mean?
"Who said that!?" Susie growled. Was it Queen? She did kidnap Noelle, after all, so having her do evil shit wasn't that far-fetched.
But no, that didn't make any sense. If Queen had sent Noelle out to kill people, then why did she not fight her, Kris, and Ralsei at her castle? As soon as Ralsei had told her about that Roaring thing, Queen had given up without any more fuss. And the way she'd talked about Noelle then... it seemed like she really did care about what Noelle wanted. Or something.
But if it hadn't been Queen, then who the hell was it?
"Noelle!" She said sharply, gripping the reindeer's shoulders tight and practically tearing her out of their hug.
Noelle made a gasp-y, hiccup-y noise, and stared up at her with wobbly eyes. Her freckled cheeks were now streaked with tears, leaving the fur damp and matted. The rest of her face was pale and sick-looking, and her usually-neat blonde hair was so frazzled and frizzy that, with some tousling, Susie swore that it would have looked just like her own hair.
She looked like a total mess. Maybe shaking her hadn't been a good idea. Too late now, though.
"Noelle!" Susie held onto the other girl's shoulders as firmly as she could, instinctively baring her fangs. "Who's it? Who did this to you? What the hell happened to you!?"
Noelle kept staring at her, almost like she was staring straight through her. Her expression was so... so something, that Susie was having trouble describing it in her head. She knew she'd heard some expression somewhere that was like this. Upset? Afraid? Panicked? Shocked-?
Wait, that was it! Noelle looked... shell-shocked. Yeah, that was the word. Like she'd just seen a ghost, or she'd just had a really bad fight, or... something. The details were still kind of fuzzy, but Susie had a feeling in her gut that shell-shocked was right.
"I-I... it... b-but..." Noelle started stammering again. Even her voice was hoarse. "S-Susie... I..."
"Noelle." Susie leaned forward to lock eyes with the reindeer. "Please, tell me what happened."
'Please' rarely came out of her mouth, albeit mostly so she could keep up her reputation. If that wasn't enough to get through to Noelle, then she was out of ideas.
Noelle stared at her for a couple seconds... and then something in her eyes... changed. The same sort of change that Susie had seen just outside the hospital, when she'd asked if they could talk.
"O-Oh... o-okay..." Noelle gulped loudly, like she'd literally had a frog in her throat. Once she'd done that, though – Susie watched the reindeer take a big, deep breath through her sniffle-y nose. "I'll... okay. Okay, Susie... I-I'll tell you."
And so, Noelle told her everything.
The reindeer went from the very beginning, when she'd fallen into the Dark World, all the way to when she visited the hospital. She was so nervous that sometimes her emotions would overwhelm her, and she'd have to take a break to cry all over again.
Usually into Susie's shirt. Again.
Susie didn't really mind, though. Not anymore.
She was too busy trying to process all the stuff Noelle had told her.
"What... the hell..." She muttered under her breath. Understatement of the century, right there.
So when they'd all gotten separated, Kris and Noelle had met up again. Then, for some dumbass reason, Kris had taken her all over the city, picking fights with every Darkner they could find. But then, instead of actually fighting the Darkners, Kris had just told Noelle to freeze 'em to death. And then told her to steal a ring from some dude, and then nearly pushed her into an electric fence, and then made her wear a ring that cut into her skin, and then...
...and then... she'd frozen Berdly.
"God... dammit," She muttered again. The bird might have been annoying, but not... that much.
"S-So... that's why I... I wanted to talk to you. A-And not Kris," Noelle said, sniffling a little bit. She had stopped crying again, and had returned to her spot on the bench. "D-Does that... make sense?"
Except Noelle also thought it wasn't actually Kris telling her to do those things, which was the thing that confused her the most.
Susie knew what she was talking about, at least on some level. She'd heard Kris' voice boom in her head during yesterday's adventure, and during most of today's, too. They made the plans in battles, they spoke up louder in order to tell her and Ralsei what to do. She'd assumed that was all it was.
But it hadn't sounded like... like that, at all, to her. It hadn't acted like that at all to her. And with Noelle's story rolling around in her head, when she tried thinking about it again...
If it was just Kris' voice, then why were her memories of it always so fuzzy? Why did she only remember doing what she was told, and not who told her in the first place? And if it actually wasn't Kris' voice after all...
...then whose voice was it?
"Y-Yeah... yeah, I get it, Noelle," Susie said, frowning deeply. After everything that Noelle had explained, today's little adventure in the Dark World didn't make her feel very happy anymore. "I mean, I don't get it, but I do get it. It sounds really stupid, I know, but-"
"No... it doesn't s-sound stupid to me at all. I-It's... that's how I feel, too." Noelle cut her off her with a shake of her head.
Susie was dumbfounded. Noelle had interrupted her – actually interrupted her mid-sentence. She'd never seen Noelle interrupt anyone before. It was actually pretty cool, to see her so assertive, but it... it never should have been like this. "Uh... okay. Then it isn't stupid. Cool. Good to know."
Neither of them were sure what to say next, so they both turned and peered out at the lake again. The water had gotten darker, and the trees, and the sky, too. There had been so much on Noelle's mind that they'd apparently spent the entire evening there. Susie raised her head, feeling her bangs swoop out of her eyes. She could see a few stars, even. Damn, had it really been that long?
"I... I just d-don't know what to do now," Noelle whispered, bringing her hands up to wipe away her latest round of tears.
Susie leaned back against the picnic table. "Like, right now? Or, uh, in general?"
Noelle let out a short, quiet chuckle at that. After seeing her cry so much, hearing her laugh was the most heartwarming thing in the world. Still, though... the reindeer wasn't smiling. "B-Both, I guess. Mom'll be mad if I'm not home soon, but I... I don't think I can go home, either. She'll notice I've been crying, b-but she wouldn't believe me if I told her about it. And... even if I said it was just a bad dream, sh-she'd know I was lying."
God... that's right, her mom was the mayor. Susie sneered, turning away from the benches so Noelle wouldn't think it was directed at her. She didn't dislike Noelle's mom, but it was obvious that the reindeer liked her dad a lot more. And all this crap had messed her up so badly that there was no way she'd be able to play it cool.
Her sneer morphed into an angry grimace, and she balled her hands into fists. This shit sucked. It really, really sucked. Why'd this weird, not-Kris thing have to pull this crap today?
"But I can't really stay at someone else's house, either," Noelle continued, looking despondently at the lake. "Usually I'd stay with Catti, but I already bothered her yesterday... and I can't stay at Kris' house, s-since... I don't know if... if I'd feel safe there. A-And I can't ask Berdley because he's... h-he's...!"
She started crying again, without the shakes and sobs she'd had before. It was a quiet cry. She looked exhausted.
A moment later, an idea suddenly came to mind, and as soon as it did, Susie felt a faint warmth rise onto her face. It felt weird – not bad, just weird – and immediately she was second-guessing it. She didn't have much to offer, so it'd be stupid to ask anyway. But Noelle was probably screwed whether she went home or not. But-
"Well... you, uh, wanna hang out at my place for a while?" She asked without thinking, crossing her legs to sit as casually as possible.
Noelle whipped her head around, her eyes widening to the size of dinner plates. A second later, the reindeer's cheeks had turned beet-red, and she had suddenly gone back to her usual stuttering. "Wh-What!? Y-You mean... s-stay the night at... y-y-your house!?"
A cough escaped Susie's throat, and she glanced away, sheepishly scratching at the back of her head. Not a house, exactly, but... "I mean... you don't have to if you don't want to, y'know?"
For some reason, she thought she could hear a 'thump-thump, thump-thump' sound drifting over from the other girl's seat. Almost like a...
Nah, maybe not. She was probably just imagining things.
"I-I'd... I-I'd love to!" Noelle replied, and for once, she was actually smiling. But then her smile faded, just as quickly as it had appeared. "But..."
Welp, there it was. At least that was one expectation that turned out to be right.
"Sorry," Susie muttered, folding her arms. "Dumb idea anyway. Shouldn't have asked."
"N-No-! I-I mean it, Susie, I'd really love to stay at your place," Noelle stammered, hesitantly reaching a hand out – then clasping both of her hands to her sweater. "I j-just... don't want to get you in any trouble."
One of Susie's eyebrows quirked upward. "...it's no big deal. I get into trouble a lot anyway."
Noelle shook her head again, sending stray teardrops down onto the dirt below. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just... when Queen was asking me to help her, she mentioned that you guys are heroes. Or... not-heroes. But you're part of some big thing, I mean! You, and Kris, and that guy who looks like Azzy, too. And I... I-I just... hurt a lot of people there instead."
Another breeze swept past the two of them, and slowly, bugs started to wake up and chirp like they always did at night. Susie frowned at the last bit, but nodded at the reindeer, wordlessly urging her to continue.
"So, what happens if I stay with you and get you in trouble? What if mom gets mad at you and I can't calm her down, or what if I make your parents angry and they don't want me hanging around with you? Or what if... what if Berdley's r-really... dead... and they think one of us did it?" Noelle's thoughts practically flooded forth. "If I get you in trouble, you... might not be able to do hero stuff, right?"
The question hung heavy in the air. Which made things tense and awkward, but it was also good to Susie, since it meant she had a moment to-
"A-And... if you aren't around..." Noelle spoke up again, her voice soft and warbling. She sounded nervous... but hopeful, too. "I-I can't talk to Kris about this. But... I'd really like to talk with you like this again."
This time, the conversation trailed off long enough for the sounds of nature to come alive again. Noelle gradually looked down at her lap, idly picking at her skirt with her fingers. Susie just took the opportunity to mull everything over.
"You... you really thought a lot about this, huh?" She eventually said, with genuine surprise.
Noelle stole a half-glance at her, then nodded in agreement. Susie paused again, then sighed.
She wasn't good at this sort of thing, or at least she didn't think so. But she couldn't really think about what Kris would do, since... well. Aside from the obvious, they would probably be trying to eat a handful of grass or something weird like that.
Besides... compared to the 'chat' they'd had in the Dark World, talking to Noelle like this seemed like something she'd like to do again, too.
"Y'know... after Queen dropped that cage on you and took you away, I was pretty worried," Susie said, uncrossing her legs and leaning forward. She could feel her mouth twitching upward, bit by bit, as she looked at the stars reflecting on the lake.
Noelle actually turned to look at her this time, shyly reaching up and looping a few stray locks of hair behind her ears. And – there was that weird sound again, 'thump-thump, thump-thump'. Maybe she wasn't imagining it after all.
Though something about it... this time, hearing it made Susie want to smile even more.
"And I know Queen's the one who pushed that whole 'peon' crap on you, but since you said you made a truce with Kris before, it... kinda sucks that Ralsei and I didn't run into you earlier. Before... all the other crap happened." She shook her head, letting her arms rest atop her knees.
'Thump-thump, thump-thump'.
"Heh..." Susie closed her eyes for a moment, then gave the other girl a big, toothy grin. "I guess it's nice to know you're worried about me too."
Noelle looked back at her with a flustered expression, trying – and failing – to hide the blush on her cheeks. She was still crying, but it was really slow, and this time it seemed more... happy. "Susie..."
From somewhere across town, a loud gong suddenly echoed through the air. It soon turned into a familiar bell chime, which was then followed by another gong, once... twice... thrice... whatever the term was for four times. After that, Susie stopped counting.
"Oh god... is it really that late?" Noelle's gaze was suddenly all over the place: first scanning all around the park, then looking over her clothes, then making sure she still had her book-bag.
Susie tried to maintain her grin, but she couldn't keep the disappointment out of her voice. "...I guess you better get home, huh?"
She dug her sneakers into the dirt, ready to stand up – but then she felt Noelle's hand rest on top of hers. The touch was enough to make Susie stop and stay seated.
"N-No... please," Noelle said quietly. "C-Can you... stay with me? Just a little longer?"
Susie stared into the reindeer's eyes, big and round and bloodshot from all the crying she'd been doing.
A moment later, she relaxed and went back to leaning against the picnic table.
"Yeah..." Susie replied. Her face felt faintly warm again. "Sure. No problem."
Noelle smiled – a real, genuine, grateful smile – before settling into the bench and craning her neck to look up. Susie realized that she was still smiling herself, too.
Seconds gradually turned to minutes. The tranquility of the lake slowly defused the tension that was lingering in the air. It was actually... kinda nice.
"I wish..." Noelle whispered. "I wish I knew how I could fix this."
There was a brief pause.
"It's not your fault." Susie furrowed her brows at the sheer conviction she was feeling. It was like when she was protecting Lancer... but it almost felt like it was even stronger. "We'll go back to the Dark World tomorrow and find a way to fix everything. We'll unfreeze those people in the city, and get Berdly back, and try to figure out whatever the hell's up with Kris, too."
They'd find a way to fix it. They had to find a way to fix it.
There had to be a way. Right?
Noelle said nothing for a moment. Then, out of the corner of her vision, Susie saw her scoot a little closer. The reindeer's wristwatch clinked, ever-so-slightly, from the motion.
"Th-Thank you..."
And with that, the two of them looked to the sky, watching as the moon slowly rose above the horizon.
A/N: I haven't actually gotten the chance to play Chapter 2, since I've been busy with my college classwork. And yet the Snowgrave Route was so psychologically horrifying, on every conceivable level, that I fell down the rabbit hole and then wrote this in just two days. Oops! :V
The initial impetus was, of course, the special bit of hospital dialogue Noelle says if you take and equip her watch. But the rest mostly stemmed from discussions I had with my friends about how Really Messed Up the route is, as well as some of the smaller things that the route changes. Obviously, I was also spoiled on the conversation Susie and Noelle have normally, so I ended up incorporating bits of that into their talk here.
What really hits the hardest about Snowgrave, to me, is just how drastically it'll probably affect events later on. The way you break poor Noelle's mind is full of coercion and abusiveness, but when she "wakes up" in the library, she's partly snapped out of that horror. But it still lingers on the edges (hence her sheer panic at Kris eavesdropping on her), and you can see that in the way she talks to her dad, and acts around Susie. She doesn't really stammer around Susie at all, and she's a little more assertive talking to her dad - but of course, those are still steeped in the trauma, which is the most painful thing about it. She is 'stronger', in a sense... but, as Susie notes, what was ripped away from her in the process?
A big reason why I came up with this fic at all is because I wanted to see Noelle actually get the pep-talk she so desperately needed after everything she was forced to go through. Getting it from Susie makes a lot of sense, even setting aside her crush, and it makes for an interesting parallel with the actual talk they have in the Normal Route.
Now that I'm done writing, though... I should probably actually give Chapter 2 a run-through, huh? V: