I have eyes like a hawk, quite literally given the whitecoats' experiments. Normally it's a great help. But then, watching the helicopter fly away, I wished my eyes were normal just so I wouldn't have to watch it take Zane away for so long. Tears pricked at my eyes and my chest was so tight breathing felt impossible, but I watched the helicopter until it faded into the far distance.
As the helicopter disappeared from view, the rest of the world reappeared in my view. I had been so focused on watching the helicopter that everything else had been basically non-existent, but now I had no choice but to re-enter the world. I turned to survey the damage.
Kai was sitting on the ground, knees tucked to his chest and arms tucked around his knees, sobbing his heart out. He played at being tough, but it was just that, play. He was a kid, only a kid. Just like Zane.
Nya knelt beside Kai, a hand resting on his arm, but he was too busy crying to notice. She looked close to tears herself, but she was holding it together. How was she holding it together?
Jay was mumbling to himself, eyes wide and hands clutching either side of his face, "But we were going to save him. We didn't save him, why didn't we save him?"
"We couldn't," Cole said hollowly, interrupting Jay. "We weren't strong enough."
We weren't strong enough. No, I wasn't strong enough. I had no one but myself to blame. I was the leader, I was supposed to look after everyone, I was supposed to save us all. But I hadn't.
"We weren't strong enough? But we had to be! We had to save him!" Jay argued tearfully.
"But we didn't. We failed," Cole stated. He shook his head and repeated, "We failed."
I failed.
At that thought, I couldn't hold it together anymore. But I couldn't let the others see me fail apart, I wouldn't let them see me fail apart. I was the leader, I had to be strong.
Snapping my wings out and open, I took off, hollering back to the others, "Meet me at home!"
Despite my words, I headed in the opposite direction of our house. I had to fly, had to think, had to work this out.
I flew hard and fast, flapping my wings, getting out of sight and out of hearing range as quickly as I could. As soon as I was far enough away that no one could see or hear me, I landed. Well, more like crash-landed, skidding along the ground and falling to my knees. I was already too angry and sad to care, though.
Turning my face to the sky, I screamed a long, wordless scream, letting out all the pain and the fear and the rage. Why couldn't I have done it? Why hadn't I saved him? Why had I failed?!
I had failed, I had failed, I had failed. And now Zane was doomed.
The tears that had been pushing at my eyes for so long finally started to fall. I let them do so. They poured down my face, stinging on the scrapes along my cheeks, and finally fell off my chin to the ground. I watched the tears plop onto the forest floor and, gasping out sobs, thought over the battle, both battles. What could I have done? There had to have been something I could have done. I could have been faster, stronger, better. I should have been better. Now, I would have to face the consequences. I would have to face the remainder of my family with the knowledge that I had failed.
The tears slowly stopped coming. I swiped at my eyes, clearing away the evidence that I had broken down as best I could. The rest of my family would need me now. I had to go home and be brave for them. I had to go pull us back together and pull together a plan.
That decided, I spread my wings and took off for home, thoughts of the fights still surging through my head. One thought in particular rang in my brain over and over as I headed for home, specifically one of Skylor's parting verbal shots.
You're fighting for the wrong side.