I'm baaa-aack! Did you miss me? I missed you readers and OTH fans. But since all of you have waited long enough for me to update, I'll bore you about why I've been MIA at the end of this chapter.

Chapter 2: Grave Misfortunes

Bernard is walking back to the log carrying a black and red golf bag that he swiped from a human dad who had carelessly left his car's tailgate open while he went inside to tell his young son to come out to see his birthday present. The fact that he stole it all by himself fills the opossacoon with a lot of pride, and he can't wait to see the look of his dad's face when he shows up with the prize.

When Bernard gets within eyesight of the log, he hears his parents talking inside.

RJ's voice: "He couldn't even defend Sam or Mary. How could our son be that cowardly?"

Bernard's eyes widen. Wanting to hear more, he drops his bag and creeps forward.

Heather's voice: "He was really scared, RJ."

RJ's voice: "But what happens if he gets 'really scared' when one of the family member's life is on the line? His inability to be more like a raccoon could be dangerous."

Heather's voice: "Well...I guess you have a good point there. I mean, it is a problem if he won't be able to defend his loved ones."

Bernard gasps at how even his mom is disappointed in him.

RJ's voice: "Where did I go wrong? I taught him everything that I taught Mary. She tried to fight off the bullies, so why didn't he? When I was his age, I was already out-witting fully grown badgers and bobcats."

Heather's voice: "Cut him some slack, love. He didn't have a golf bag with him when the bullies attacked."

RJ's voice: "It's not the tools that makes a raccoon a raccoon, it's the mind that wields the tools that does. He can't even climb trees without you around him. You won't be around forever, so what happens if he still can't climb trees at a normal pace when he's an adult?"

Heather's voice: "Maybe he will—"

RJ's voice: "Face it, Heather. Bernard can't use his raccoon instincts, can't protect those who place their trust in him, and can't climb trees. He's my only son, and he can't be more like a raccoon like me. I guess he'll never be a real raccoon..."

Bernard can't believe what he just heard. Both of his parents are ashamed of him. Both admit he'll never improve himself.

Tabitha: "Well hello again, you coward."

Bernard turns around and sees Tabitha and her gang of bullies. The opossacoon's possum instincts start kicking in, only for him to realize that he can't let that happen, in spite of what his parents think.

Tabitha: "I told you that you'd never be your dad, or your mom."

Tabitha and the bullies in unison: "You'll never even be your sister. You'll never be a raccoon or a possum. You're just a screw-up. A disappointment! A nobody!"

Bernard: "No! You're wrong! You're all wrong."

RJ suddenly appears alongside the bullies and says, "They're right son. You are a disappointment!"

Bernard: "D-daddy? N-NO! It's not true!"

Heather suddenly appears alongside the bullies and says, "You are a screw-up!"

Bernard: "NOOO!"

RJ and Heather's voices join the bullies in saying, "You'll never be a raccoon or a possum. You're just one big failure!"

Bernard: "NOOOOOOO!"

Bernard wakes up screaming "NO!" Immediately, he realizes that it was all just a dream. He looks around and sees that he's in the log, nestled closely beside his mother. Fortunately his outburst didn't wake anyone. Unfortunately, he can't go back to sleep after having a nightmare like that. He's wide awake and needs to clear his head.

Bernard thinking: "I might as well get a drink of water and walk around a bit...Heck, I should be active right now. Raccoons and possums are nocturnal, so if I wanna improve myself both ways, walking around is the best start."

Bernard carefully wriggles out of Heather's arms and tip-toes out of the log without waking anyone. He walks over to the refrigerator, takes out a bottle water, and drinks it. Not only is it refreshing, but it helps calm his nerves down too. Now with a clear head, he knows his parents would never be disappointed in him no matter how he turns out. They love him and his sister evenly, and there's nothing he can do to make them love him less.

Bernard thinking: "But what about when daddy said you could have used your raccoon instincts to take Sam up a tree where only a few of the bullies could follow?"

"That's because he wasn't ready to respond yet. It slipped out. He said so himself."

"But aren't people most honest when they act on impulse?"

Bernard lets out an annoyed groan at his conflicting thoughts, and shuts out the cynical voice. He then starts walking in the direction that will take him to his personal downtime spot. He suddenly stops when the eerie sound of an owl's deep hoot, coupled with the dark and empty tree line before him, gets his internal danger meters to red levels. There could be any number of predators just waiting for a late night snack out there once he clears the safety of the family's living area. Rethinking his plans, he starts making his way back toward the log, then stops.

Bernard thinking: "No. A raccoon wouldn't turn back after hearing one owl hoot. You gotta be brave." (Out loud) "I gotta be brave. I gotta be brave. I gotta—"

Voice: "Can't sleep, either?"

Bernard's reaction to the close and scary-sounding voice is, of course, to go "Uh!" and fall on his back.

Still conscious, he hears the speaker reply, "Caramba, I didn't mean ta get you's that excited, tú Rey del Drama."

Bernard opens his eyes while sighing in relief. There's only one animal who calls him "Rey del Drama", which is Spanish for "Drama King."

Bernard: "...Kale..."

Kale: "Dat's my name, don't wear it out."

Note: Caramba means "geez" in Spanish.

Bernard really likes the nickname Kale gave him, just as much as Rebecca enjoys "Grande Chica." Ever since joining the family, Kale quickly gave each hedgie a nickname in Spanish based on their personalities and defining characteristics. But no one enjoys the nicknames better than Kale, because it makes him feel like his new family is also a wolf pack; combining the best aspects of both, and none of the worst.

Bernard gets on his feet and looks Kale in the eyes when he recalls the first thing the wolf said to him.

Bernard: "Why can't you sleep?"

Kale: "Remember what I talked a nuestra familia sobre durin' dinner?"

Understanding that Kale had said "to our family about" in Spanish, Bernard asks, "When you said that you feel lonely and overwhelmed because of the mark of shame?"

Kale: "Yeah...I'm dee only wolf around deese parts. And because of the mark of shame, if any other wolves so much as lay dare eyes on me, they're bound by the codes of wolf society ta 'kill on sight.' Everyone in our family, includin' you's, is either seein' boyfriends or girlfriends, or is married. But not me. I'm just the outsider...even within our family."

Bernard: "But while at dinner Uncle Verne told you that my daddy used to feel the same way, until he realized he had his true family with him all along right in front of him."

Kale: "Tú papi wasn't a former predator who willingly chose to sacrifice everything he ever had in order ta do the right thing, only for those he swore to protect ta turn on 'im when he failed ta stop oth'a predators from killin' prey animals."

Note: "Tú papi" means "Your daddy" in Spanish.

Bernard: "You're still not over what those rattlesnakes did yesterday?"

Kale: "Of course not. And who knows what other predators might be huntin' prey critters as we speak."

Bernard is confused about why Kale is so worried. The wolf has no set schedule as to when he will be "on the job." He goes to sleep, eats, hangs out with his family, and patrols the woods at different times every day and every night. That way, predators who try to attack the prey animals will never be able to accurately predict when a window of opportunity will be open for them to try an attack without Kale's interference.

The opossacoon then gets an idea (from the raccoon part of his brain) as to why Kale feels so inadequate, and tries to put the canine in a better mood.

Bernard: "But the three snakes who attacked yesterday all died, didn't they? How could they spread word about you're, um, slip-up?"

Kale: "Tanks for not saying 'failure', but don't forget that prey animals spread da word of stuff like that just as fast. All the prey animals who need protectin' in such a grande section of forest...it's just...too much for one wolf ta handle alone."

Bernard opens his mouth to respond, but Kale cuts him off by saying, "I couldn't even protect my own family members yesterday afternoon..."

Bernard is amazed that Kale is expressing the same reservations that the opossacoon has been feeling, which compels him to remain silent and let the wolf continue.

Kale: "It's my fault dat you, ya sister, Sam, and Aaron got ambushed. If I was within nose smellin' distance of dat shrew, Tabitha, I'd have been able ta help you's all out."

Bernard: "Don't blame yourself, Kale. It's like what mommy and daddy said, it's in the past now...Besides, it was my fault for not even having the guts to fight back, even when they gave me a freebie to do that. I was just so...scared...Terrified. There were so many of them, and they were bigger and stronger than me. I don't know what came over me, but if I don't start acting more like a raccoon, someone else in the family might get hurt."

Bernard's depressed tone that he had spoken in, and how he now slouches in shame, makes Kale realize he shouldn't have dragged the topic on. Kale has no problem if he personally is being all mopey, but really doesn't like to see any of his new family members get that way. Thankfully, he quickly thinks of a way to get the son of his favorite surrogate father back in a good mood.

Kale: "You kiddin'? The possum part'uv ya is what makes you amazing."

Bernard: "How so?"

Kale: "Don't forget da reason why you earned da nickname 'Rey del Drama.' It's 'cuz of your acting talent. You was da best actor in the whole family when you's all pretended ta be my slaves whenev'a my ex-pack would send someone ta spy on me ta make sure I was bein' a slave driver during my recuperation with all'uv ya's. Remember the time when you said that you hated ya's dad when he pretended ta be willing to sacrifice you in order ta get a shot at hurtin' me? Dat was absolutely genius, and probably the most convincing thing anyone ever said ta sell across to my former pack dat I controlled all of ya's lives."

Kale grins when he sees a smile slowly form across Bernard's face. The opossacoon maintains his smile while speaking.

Bernard: "Even daddy and the others weren't expecting me to say that. They had to make up new things to say and do in reaction to what I had done from there on. I had never seen daddy or anyone else so proud of me when we were done pretending."

Kale: "Ya see? Your 'finest hour' was when you remembered ya's possum acting talent. Do somethin' like dat next time ya feel afraid."

Bernard: "But what will I do if someone is in trouble and I just freeze up like I did yesterday?"

Kale: "You gotta prevent ya'self from doin' that."

Bernard: "How?"

Kale: "By usin' all da negative things said ta you's that day as fuel ta make you improve ya'self. Dat's what I did whenever I was trainin' ta become a betta wolf. I remembered all dee insults my brothers and former pack told me and was determined ta prove 'em all wrong...And it looks like I gotta do that again ta overcome my own setback. But enough about dat, how's 'bout we head on back to the log and catch some more shuteye?"

Bernard: "Sounds good."

As Bernard walks back the opossacoon feels like the 100 ton weight of shame his spirit had been carrying ever since yesterday has disappeared. He would have never thought that Kale of all creatures would be the one to give him the pep talk and advice he needed to move along with his life, but is thankful nonetheless.

Both return to their sleeping spots and go back to sleep, eager for what the morning will bring them.

Many hours later, Bernard gets jolted awake when his dad frantically shakes him.

RJ: "Wake up, son! You too, Heather! We all slept in!"

Heather yawns and asks in a tired voice, "What time is it, love?"

RJ: "11:30!"

Heather gasps and all the tiredness leaves her voice when she says, "Oh my goodness! The party happens at 12!"

RJ: "We gotta get a move on! Let's get everyone together and go over our heist plans—Stat!"

Heather nods and helps RJ in waking up the whole family and hurrying them out into the main living area in a circle.

Verne: "I-I can't believe we overslept on such an important heist!"

Velma: "But we did have a lot on our minds last night, so I guess we needed the extra sleep."

RJ: "Time to get down to business, folks."

Knowing that time is of the essence, the family gives their full attention to RJ, who gets out his map of the suburbs and lays it on the ground.

RJ: "The López household is here." (Points at the house on the map with his left paw) "And we are here." (Points at the hedge with his right paw)

As had been previously discussed on the day the house was selected for a heist, the López's are in the house farthest away from the hedge, and on the opposite side of the Elysian Fields Estates.

Penny: "Jeepers. We got a lot of ground to cover."

RJ: "Don't worry too much, Penny. We'll just initiate our Code Red Heist Protocol: The slowest adults and teens need to ride on Kale's back, while the fastest parents need to carry the slowest kids. But don't exhaust yourselves on the way to the party by running too hard. Since this 'Quin...ceañ...era' thingamajig is pretty big, and the López's have a large extended family, the humans will most likely not be ready to get things started until ten after 12."

Hammy: "Will someone remind me what a Quinceañera is again?"

Kale: "It's an event that Hispanic and Latino girls have on dare fifteenth birthday ta celebrate the end of their child years and their start inta adulthood. In other words, a female Bar Mitzvah."

Hammy: "Bar whatta?"

Verne: "It's like a birthday party, only bigger."

Hammy: "Ohhhhh."

Bucky: "But I gotta stay behind with Emily in case she has our kids."

RJ: "Shoot! I forgot to take that into consideration. Thanks, Bucky. We need an able-bodied adult to stay behind and help deliver the babies if they're born."

Thinking quickly, Penny raises her arm and says, "I'll do it. We need someone from both sides of the family to witness the grandchildren's birth."

RJ (nods): "You're a lifesaver, Penny." (To the others) "Now that that's covered, let's quickly go over our plans. I'll lead Team One—composed of me, Heather, Mary, Bernard, Hammy, Scarlet, Aaron, Sam, Rebecca, Luby, Roger, and Ty—onto the tree branches hanging over the yard; the same tree where the, umm, papier-mâché animal full of candy will be set up."

Kale: "You mean the piñata?"

RJ: "Yeah. I couldn't remember what it was called off the top of my head. Anyway, we won't make our move until Team Two is ready. Verne?"

Verne: "I'm leading Team Two—composed of myself, Velma, Plushie, Rick, Kale, Stella, Tiger, De'Ausha, Rogan, Quillo, Rachel, Spike, Emma, Lou, and Sarah. We'll head to the three large holes that we had previously dug and filled with the loose soil located on the left, right, and back of the backyard fence. When RJ sees our heads poke through the dirt that we'll easily remove, he'll conduct Phase 1."

RJ: "We'll wait for the person holding the baseball bat to approach the piñata, and for all eyes to focus on him or her. That's when my team will jump down and cause the initial panic. Simon?"

Simon: "As leader of Team Three—which is composed of me, Celine, Marilyn, Christine, and Claire—it's our job to distract the humans who will try to take action against Team One."

Celine: "We'll swoop in and further destabilize the situation."

Verne: "Which is when Team Two comes out to steal the food."

RJ: "While Teams Two and Three do their jobs, half of Team One will commandeer the López's golf cart, put the food in it, then drive everyone all the way back home."

Stella: "And in case the humans try to stop us from raidin' and loadin', that's when me, De'Ausha, and Kale will give 'em all three reasons to back off."

De'Ausha: "One josseh, anar wolf, and two moghaf-fal and por skunks!" (Points at her raised tail)

Similar to Kale's tutelage of the family for Spanish words, Tiger has been teaching the family the meanings of Persian words. Therefore, the animals know that De'Ausha had said "One big, bad wolf and two locked and loaded skunks!"

Verne: "Wait, timeout! We're still going with that plan, RJ? Couldn't Stella, De'Ausha, and Kale just go into the yard where the humans will be and scare them off? They are two skunks and a wolf, after all. Everything that involves the rest of the family besides loading the food on the golf cart seems unnecessary."

Roger: "But then there—"

Ty: "—wouldn't be any fun—"

Roger and Ty in unison: "—for the rest of us!"

The twin brothers look at each other in annoyance and give an expression that reads, "We really gotta stop doing that."

Mary: "Yeah! Raccoons gotta have the thrill of the chase while heisting or we can't sleep straight."

RJ looks at Mary with a big smile while musing in pride, "Oh...I taught her SO well!"

Upon hearing his sister, and wanting to start acting more like a raccoon, Bernard sloppily adds, "Um-uh, y-yeah! Raccoons need that kind of, eh, stuff!"

The look that Bernard receives from everyone isn't one of admiration as he had hoped, but rather a look of confusion at his poorly worded sentence.

Quickly changing the subject, Plushie says, "We all need the thrill. Don't be such a party pooper, Uncle."

Lou: "It's not enough to just get food, we gotta earn our keep. Isn't that what you taught us, Verne-o?"

Verne: "Yes, before the forest that became El Rancho Camelot was torn down, minus our one acre...But *sigh* you're right. Let's go with the original plan."

RJ: "And if things get dicey, we grab whatever food we can and flee in the same manner we arrived with our teams: Team One takes it to the tree tops, Team Two hoofs it on the ground, and Team Three takes to the sky."

Most nod, but Scarlet brings up a god point.

Scarlet: "How can you be sure the humans won't follow us if we have to flee? Knowing human tempers, if something crashes their once-in-a-lifetime party, they might go to extra lengths to get back at us."

RJ: "No need to worry, Scarlet. Humans have been slowly getting lazier thanks to advances in technology. They're becoming so dependent on their phones, tablets, and the internet to do everything for them that their instincts to exact vengeance are slowly turning into the instinct to complain about it on social media. At the rate they're going, they will lose the instinct to retaliate in about five years."

Ozzie: "Like that Star Trek episode when the race of androids revealed their diabolical plan to the amazing and unparalleled Captain Kirk on taking over humanity by spoiling humans rotten so as to keep their aggressive nature from ever surfacing?"

Note: the following is based off the Over the Hedge Comic Strip dated 8/27/2019-8/30/2019.

RJ: "Exactly. Humans are like the dog that chased a car, caught it, then drove it into a ditch...Then whined about how there aren't any more cars to chase."

Aaron and Hammy (raise a paw): "Oh, oh, oh! RJ?"

RJ: "What is it guys?"

Aaron and Hammy in unison: "What was the dog's name?"

RJ and Verne briefly look at each other to give a stare of disdain at how they now have two Hammy-brains to deal with ever since Aaron was born.

RJ: "The dog's name was Doug."

Aaron bursts out crying and Hammy wails, "POOR DOUG!"

RJ: "Don't worry, I'm sure that humans will get their act together before they destroy the planet."

Rogan: "How so, son?"

RJ: "As oceans rise and availability of arable soil is lost, junk food will become scarce...I believe that the human need for sustainable munchies will spark a technological revolution that will solve the climate crisis."

Verne: "Ah...the Chips and Queso Theory."

RJ: "Snacks will save us all. But we've gotten off-topic. Does anyone have anything else they wanna add that's relevant to today's heist?"

Spike: "Yes." (Turns to look at his son) "Ike? Uncle Bucky, MeMe Annette, and Big Daddy Ozzie are gonna be in charge of you until mommy and I get back."

Emma: "So do everything they say and behave yourself. Got it?"

Ike (gives a three-finger salute): "Scout's honor, mommy and daddy!"

Spike and Emma look at each other with smiles at their son's actions and words. Adorable, hyper, and smart...that's exactly the way they had hoped their kid would turn out. It feels so good being right.

Heather: "Sarah, Annette, dad, and Bucky?" (Holds up a cell phone) "Gimme a call if Emily goes into labor so I can tell the porcupines to get back to the hedge to witness the birth of their new family members." (Puts the phone in her pouch)

Annette: "Of course, Heather."

RJ: "Okay. That covers everything. Let's head out folks!"

The animals cheer and start getting onto the backs of the animals that will take them to their destination. After getting inside Heather's pouch, Bernard looks at Sam.

Bernard: "Come and sit beside me, Sam. Like we normally do."

Sam lets out a "Yuh!" while crossing his arms and turning away.

Before Bernard can ask why he has been given the cold shoulder, Mary says, "Wanna get on my daddy's back with me?"

Sam: "Ah-aah!"

Sam then climbs on RJ's back beside Mary, leaving Bernard confused until his dad's next comment.

RJ: "Don't forget, Mary and Bernard, that we need to grab you two some gold bags that Mr. Rodolfo López keeps in his garage."

Mary and Bernard in unison: "We won't forget, daddy."

And with that, the large animal family moves out.

Thirty minutes later, the hedgies have trekked the distance from their home to the yard of the house next door to the López's via the forest. Although cutting through the suburbs would have been faster than going around the long way, the former path would risk unnecessary human contact, and no animal wants to be seen until it was time to strike. But before the hedgies can separate into their teams and start getting into position, one of them has a question.

Note: The following is based on the Over the Hedge comic strip dated 8/29/2019-8/30/2019

Velma: "RJ, now that we're in the 'burbs, I've been thinking about what you said earlier today. About your Chips and Queso Theory. What if humans don't get their act together? What will we do?"

RJ: "Evolve! We'll simply surpass humans in intelligence and take over the planet as Earth's original and rightful inhabitants."

Spike: "Sounds totally awesome! But how long will that take?"

RJ nods at Rick who approaches a house's power box and cuts the wire. Inside, the house goes dark, but the two humans who had been watching TV only notice one thing.

Husband: "Why is the TV dark and silent?"

Wife: "Don't be a dummy. It's just a night scene on the Quiet Channel."

RJ: "To answer your question, Spike: we'll take over by next Tuesday."

Mary: "When we finally take over and solve the planet's problems, what'll we do with the humans, daddy?"

RJ: "We'll ranch 'em like free-range poultry...repopulate the suburbs...then harvest the results."

Verne gasps, then yells, "EAT HUMANS?!" in both disgust and disbelief.

Kale: "Sounds good ta me!"

Plushie: "But turtles are vegetarians!"

RJ: "NO! That's not what I meant. Eating humans is gross."

Kale: "Humph. Killjoy..."

RJ: "We won't eat them, we'll just harvest their harvest."

Rachel: "Of snacks?"

RJ: "Of course. It's really the only thing they do well."

Verne: "But what if—?"

Suddenly Rodolfo's voice exclaims, "¡Es hora de que comience la fiesta!" from the backyard, and is followed by numerous cheers.

Everyone looks at Kale.

Kale: "Isn't it obvious?—Ah, slag it. He said, 'It's time for the party to begin.' "

The sound of a Mariachi Band playing their music confirms the human family patriarch's claim.

RJ: "It's time, folks. Let's do this!"

The large group of animals separate into their designated teams, and go to the paths that will lead them to where they will enter the backyard party.

Even before RJ's team starts climbing the trees and Verne's team begins to remove the loose dirt from the current yard they're in, the animals can tell it will be a pretty large turnout given how the main street is lined with 12 various kinds of automobiles that range from cars, SUVs, vans, and trucks. Once in the trees, even the experienced heisters are surprised by the amount of people in the yard. Not counting the seven-member Mariachi Band, there are 25 Mexican-Americans and 15 non-Hispanic or Latino persons (obviously close family friends and coworkers) in the backyard.

Having a large family, and with his job as the golf course superintendent at a swanky country club, Mr. Rodolfo López made sure to pay the extra fees needed to have a backyard large enough for all his party patrons, while still leaving enough space to walk around and enjoy other activities. From an aerial view of the square-shaped backyard, the house is located at the front, the food tables are on the right side, a playground set (that many small children are making great use of) is at the back, the piñata station is on the left, and the Mariachi Band is playing on the house's back porch. There is a flower bed at the upper right corner between the piñata station and back porch, and a toolshed in the lower left corner between the food tables and playground set.

Team Two heads to their designated, pre-dug holes: Rick, Velma, Plushie, Stella, Tiger, and De'Ausha head to the hole closest to the food tables; Kale, Verne, and Rogan go to the hole nearest to the playground set; and Lou, Sarah, Spike, Emma, Quillo, and Rachel go to the hole closest to the piñata station

Once settled in, it takes no time for the animals to spot the main star of today's festivities: Mr. López's 15-year-old daughter, Sofía. She is wearing a ball gown dress with a bodice and lower skirt colored red with a synthetic poinsettias design, while white covers most of the skirt.

Most of the animals in Team One quickly go back to surveying the premises and looking to see if Team Two is ready. However, Rebecca can't take her eyes off of Sofía. To the female raccoon, the human teenager is very attractive, wearing exquisitely-smelling perfume, and the dress she has on really brings out her physical features.

Rebecca thinking: "She's just so...Wow...Her beautiful eyes are browner than my fur at night, and her eyeliner is not too thin and not too thick. Her thighs are well-toned, and those pillowy lips really stand out with that red lipstick. I'd really like to smell her hairbrush and deodorant stick."

A nudge to her shoulder brings her out of her thoughts and she looks at Luby.

Luby: "Were you listening just now, Rebecca? RJ said get ready for Phase 1."

Rebecca: "Oh. Y-yeah. Sorry, Luby. I was, um, my brain was on vacation."

Rebecca gets her head in the game, silently reprimanding herself for getting lost in her odd thoughts, but is thankful that no one noticed what she was really doing...

Until Ty looks at her and asks, "Why were you staring so hard at that girl in the dress?"

Before anyone can even look at Ty or Rebecca, Rodolfo's 10-year-old son, Gerardo, asks, Papá, ¿podemos poner en marcha la estación de piñatas?"

On the ground, peeking out from the hole closest to the playground set, Kale hears Gerardo's question and translates for Verne and Rogan who are sitting next to him.

Kale: "He said 'Dad, can we get the piñata station going?' "

Upon seeing the eager look Gerardo's face, as well as the group of excited young kids behind his son, Rodolfo smiles.

Rodolfo: "Por supuesto, hijo. Dile a tu tío Arturo que estás lista."

Kale: " 'Of course, son. Tell your Uncle Arturo you're all ready.' "

Gerardo faces the kids and exclaims, "He said yes!"

The kids let out a "Yes!" (and/or "Sí") and follow Gerardo to his Uncle Arturo. Kale thinks he'll need to translate some more, until Verne pats him on the side.

Verne: "Thanks for the translations, Kale. But now it's all a matter of watching instead of listening."

Rogan: "Make way for me, guys."

Kale and Verne nod and back up so that Rogan has the entire wolf-sized hole to himself. The elder raccoon spots RJ up in the tree and uses hand signals to say "Get ready for Phase 1."

RJ notices his father's motions and then faces the group he's leading.

RJ: "They're about to start hitting the piñata. Remember to wait for when they bust it open, since the falling candy will be the perfect distraction; the time when everyone at the station will be looking in one direction. Jump into the candy pile as best as you can."

Bernard: "J-jump down...?"

Heather: "You can stay in my pouch or hold onto my back, son."

Mary (rolls her eyes): "Pouch pota—"

Bernard: "No, mommy. I-I'll jump down myself this time!"

RJ, Heather, Mary, and Rebecca look at Bernard in astonishment.

Heather: "You're sure?"

Bernard: "Yes!"

RJ: "Atta boy, Bernard."

Mary (crosses her arms and speaks in a pouty tone): "Humph! Just don't play possum on the way down."

Heather: "That's enough, Mary. Keep your eyes peeled." (Thinking) "*Sigh* Looks like Mary inherited my attitude..."

Scarlet looks behind her and notices how her mate and two sons are getting jittery with anticipation.

Scarlet: "Easy fellas. Don't move too soon or else no one will get any candy."

Sam: "Rrr-hee!"

Hammy: "Mommy's right, Sam. You need to be quiet."

Sam starts jumping up and down while saying "Rrr-hheeeee!" even louder.

Scarlet: "Hammy, do that thing you always do whenever Sam gets this way."

Hammy: "Which thing?"

Scarlet: "You know, the distraction thing."

Hammy: "Oh yeah! But how should I start?"

Aaron: "I like the Tonguey-Clock Face, daddy!"

Hammy: "Oh! Rrriiiight! Here I go!"

Hammy gets in front of Sam's field of view and instantly puts "Okay" paw gestures around his eyes to make it look like he's wearing glasses, and wriggles his free fingers to make it look like his "eyebrows" are moving, all while sticking his tongue out and making it go back and forth like a clock pendulum.

Sam: "OooooOOOooooO!"

The other family members in the tree relax now that Sam is being quieter. They focus their attention back to the ground where one of the guest children is being spun around by peers while Uncle Arturo prepares to control the piñata's up and down movement using a pulley that's attached to a low-hanging tree branch.

That's when Rebecca starts feeling strange. For some reason, she has a deep, aching, desire—or more accurately, lust—to stare at Sofía again. She tries to ignore the feeling, but that results in shivers and a knotted stomach, like an addict going through withdrawal. Any further resistance will only make her feel worse, so she has no choice but to look back at Sofía and to closely observe her again.

Rebecca thinking: "Just for ten seconds at most."

Rebecca refocuses on Sofía and becomes lost in the human's beauty a second time. And doesn't notice that she keeps staring long after ten seconds.

Below with the piñata, a girl nearly hits the donkey-shaped cultural icon, but Arturo had pulled it up just in the nick of time so that her baseball bat hits the tree trunk. To ensure that as many people as possible get to try their luck with the piñata, the rule is that each kid gets three swings to hit it, then it's the next kid's turn.

Speaking of which, now that the girls has used up her three swings, she takes off her blindfold, which is put on one of the older López cousins. The 15-year-old boy is spun around, and then approaches to try to break open the piñata. Not only does he fail, but so do the next four kids.

Although all the animals are eager for the bountiful feast that lines several tables, Kale almost feels guilty that they're about to ruin a party full of humans, decorations, food, and music that share his own heritage. It always warms his heart hearing people speak his native tongue...it reminds him of the good old days when he was little. When his parents were still around, and when his brothers truly cared about him.

His pleasant thoughts are soon interrupted when the next blindfolded kid hits the piñata on his first swing, but doesn't break it. Knowing Uncle Arturo will give the kid two more swings that might break open the delicious contents, Kale, Verne, and Rogan hold their breaths, ready to spring into action at the sound and sight of Team One's entrance.

Wanting their timing to be perfect, Verne (who feels like the long time it has been taking for someone to break the piñata will give him a brain aneurism), Rogan, and Kale, as well as Stella, Tiger, De'Ausha, Rick, Velma, and Plushie all look up at the tree where Team One is stationed—

—Where they see Bernard fall off the tree and land on top of the piñata just as the blindfolded kid gives it the hardest swing all day!

In Team One's tree a few minutes earlier...

The more humans who keep missing the piñata, the more restless the hedgies are getting. They didn't expect to be here this long. It's so long that Hammy has run out of funny faces to keep Sam occupied. The instant Hammy has to reuse his "Tonguey-Clock Face," Sam stops laughing and starts becoming irritated. He looks down and sees the humans swinging at the piñata. Sam starts to jump up and down in anxiety as he wants to go ahead and get to the candy inside of it.

Hammy: "No, Sam. Look at me, son!"

Sam ignores his father and instead tries to climb down the branch that's hanging above the yard. Bernard notices his youngest best friend and, knowing it's game over if the humans see the animals in the tree, climbs up to use his acting and pantomime talents to distract the young squirrel.

RJ and Heather would have noticed their son, if it wasn't for their noses being distracted by an odd yet pleasant aroma. It's raccoon pheromones...female raccoon pheromones. And they're coming from—

Roger: "Rebecca?"

The 22-year-old's eyes are closed as she's been fantasizing the idea that Sofía was a raccoon. Rebecca imagines Raccoon-Sofía's fur coat would be the same tan color as the human's skin, and so soft and furry that to touch it would give off a static electric shock. Raccoon-Sofía would be wearing a crown of poinsettia flowers around her ears, her red lips would be above her sparkling brown eyes. Raccoon-Sofía would have the perfect body; not too thin, but not too wide. Raccoon-Sofía's tail would have six rings on it, and a stripe down the middle of her back like the one Rebecca's family has. Rebecca would quickly become Raccoon-Sofía's best friend and want to spend all her time with her. Perhaps, the two of them could become—

Roger: "Rebecca!"

Ty: "Whatever you're doing!—"

Roger and Ty in unison: "Stop it!"

Roger: "You're making me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside!"

Ty: "Yeah, but in a weird and creepy way!"

Rebecca doesn't hear any of the twins' words, she's completely lost in dreamland. Even RJ is having a hard time trying to keep a clear head. His sister's pheromones are turned up to 11 and climbing. When he speaks, he has to catch his breath between each word.

RJ: "Um, B-Becca. You n-need to, uh, to...Open your...eyes. W-wake up!"

Seeing that words have no effect, RJ approaches his sister from the front and puts his paws on her shoulders to shake her back into reality—a big mistake. Thinking that Raccoon-Sofía is dancing with her, Rebecca's pheromones start going out of control, and RJ takes it head-on.

Being much older and more experienced with the scent of female raccoon pheromones, RJ is able to keep himself from even kissing Rebecca on the lips. But the strain it's putting on his mind and body to do that makes him start feeling lightheaded. It's a fight he's going to lose.

RJ: "I...n-need t-to...Lay d-down for a...m-m-min-n-nute…"

RJ painstakingly walks away from Rebecca while his paws, shoulders, toes, and feet are spasming like an epileptic having a seizure. Heather quickly runs up and catches RJ in her arms before he falls off the branch he has been standing on.

Hearing that Scarlet and Hammy are frantically yelling at Sam, and knowing that only another mature female raccoon can resist Rebecca's pheromones, Luby quickly gets in front of Rebecca. The middle-aged raccoon sighs in dismay for what she's about to do, and slaps Rebecca hard in the face. The blow finally brings Rebecca out of her trance.

Rebecca: "Oh...my. What...? Where...? Is it time to...raid yet?"

Luby: "Rebecca, you were in a deep trance. Your pheromones were going haywire. RJ passed out trying to snap you out of it."

Rebecca: "He what?!"

Rebecca frantically runs over to her brother who is still out cold.

Rebecca: "Oh no! What've I done?"

Then she remembers: Sofía, and then getting lost in her little fantasy...A fantasy that only someone who is gay could have.

Rebecca thinking (in horror): "I...I really am gay. And I almost got my own brother hurt because of it!"

The only comfort she takes in this whole ordeal is that no one else seems to understand the reason why she fantasized the way she did. That is, until Roger and Ty start talking.

Ty: "Did'ja see what made act that way?"

Roger: "No, what was it?"

Ty: "She was staring at the human girl in the knockoff Disney Princess dress."

Roger: "Why would that make her emit pheromones?"

Ty: "Dunno, but that's kinda messed up."

Before Rebecca can tell the two to shut up, everyone (sans RJ) hears a yell from above and looks up to see Sam angrily shove Bernard with all his might.

As the conflict with Rebecca unfolded, Bernard's attempts to charm Sam with his possum talents were met with nothing but resentment. Bernard didn't understand why, making him more frustrated with each failed attempt. Sam had loved it whenever the opossacoon put on a performance, but each time Bernard tried something, Sam just turned away in a huff.

Finally, Bernard got angry, and approached Sam, grabbed him by the shoulders hard, and had asked "What's wrong with you?! Why don't you wanna even look at me anymore?!" As that went on, Hammy's, Scarlet's, and Aaron's attempts to make both Sam and Bernard clam down were ignored by each kid.

Cornered, being yelled at to his face, and with no way escape, Sam did the only thing he could and pushed Bernard away from him.

Back in the present

The problem is, Sam had pushed the opossacoon too hard. Bernard falls off the branch and right on top of the piñata. He doesn't even have time to cry out for his mom, because the human kid gives a home-run swing that tears the piñata into four chunks. Bernard is unharmed and has a soft landing to the ground, but is in the open, completely exposed and helpless.

The sense of excitement felt by the human children at the candy on the ground is immediately replaced with shock and disgust when a half-raccoon and half-possum creature falls smack dab in the middle of the candy pile.

Several women and kids scream, which causes the kid with the bat to pull off the blindfold to see what's causing the commotion. The mere sight of the small monstrosity laying on the ground before him is enough to make him instantly raise the bat to go for a lethal blow.

Heather: "Bernard! Run to the porcupines' hole! GO!"

Bernard nods and quickly dodges the hit that would have ended his life. That realization make the follow-up swing one second later manifest itself to Bernard's eyes like a big truck barreling toward him on a highway—something he has had nightmares about after watching too many car chase scenes in movies. His possum instincts take over and he falls to the ground playing dead, instead of running to safety like a raccoon would.

The human with the bat would have killed Bernard with his third swing, but he gets distracted when one of the Mexican-American onlookers who had heard a loud screech sound (Heather's words to the human ears) points up into the tree while yelling, "¡Animales salvajes en el árbol!"

Following the finger, a teenage Caucasian girl reflexively, and unintentionally, translates what the first person had said by shrieking, "Wild animals in the tree!"

Having come back to his senses, RJ joins the gasps of his team when all the humans at the party are looking up at them. The kid with the baseball bat hurtles it at the animals in the tree, hitting Rebecca, Luby, Ty, Sam, and Scarlet. RJ, Heather, Mary, Roger, Aaron, and Hammy dodge the bat and immediately focus on tending to those who had been hit.

Then, remembering about her son, Heather sees Bernard playing possum on the ground, and a human coming forward toward him. Heather's maternal instincts kick into overdrive. Full of adrenaline and fear, and trusting all the time she spends working out will enable her to succeed, she jumps down, grabs onto a top of the rope where the piñata pulley is, drops down to the ground, and scoops up Bernard in her pouch just before the human could squash Bernard with his booted foot. Although she is able to save Bernard, she is still in the path of the descending foot, and gets stepped on hard. Once, twice, the third hit causes a loud SNAP! Heather screams briefly, then she goes limp and doesn't move after that.

RJ (screaming as if the world is ending): "HEATHER! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Mary (ditto): "MOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYYY!"

The porcupines' location, two minutes before the piñata breaks...

In the hole closest to the piñata station, Spike is waiting beside Emma, Rachel, and Quillo, while Lou and Sarah are behind them. Spike's eyes notice Emma's fingers rubbing and stroking her "EI" necklace. She looks pretty nervous and is obviously doing it to calm herself down, but Spike doesn't like how she's treating it like a baby porcupine, and thinks that if there's anyone who she needs to touch to feel relaxed, it should be him, her mate. This isn't the first time she's done this either, so Spike is already in a bad mood when he speaks.

Spike: "You know, you don't have to bring that necklace everywhere we go, babe."

Emma (in a waving-off tone): "We've been over this a hundred times, Spike. It brings me good luck."

Spike: "Yeah, but what if it makes you get stuck? Or what if it falls off and, knowing you, you'd risk your life to pick it back up?"

Seeing Emma still tenderly rubbing her necklace, which means she's ignoring him, again, Spike decides to forget subtlety, reaches out, and grabs the back of her necklace strap.

Emma: "Hey! What's the big idea?!"

Spike: "Were you listening to me?! It's better to put it down now and come back for it later than risk it getting in the way of the heist."

Emma (angry): "I'd never do such a thing! I wouldn't part with this for the end of the world."

Spike (ditto): "Ok, that's it! There's something we need to talk about, Emma! You're—!"

Sarah (sharp tone): "Spike and Emma! You two aren't acting like the couple who took their vows on your wedding day."

Rachel: "Yeah. Chill, lovebirds. If we don't time our entrance perfectly, we may jeopardize the whole raid."

Quillo: "If she wants to wear it, Spike, let her."

Lou (to Spike): "You can talk to her about what's troubling you when we're home, son."

Spike: "Okay. Good point. My bad. "

Only after hearing RJ's and Mary's screams do the porcupines realize that they had been too occupied with their argument to even notice Bernard when he had fallen to the ground. They could have come out and fended off the humans before Heather put her life at risk. And now, it looks like their petty feud has cost the life of their co-leader's beloved mate.

Not wanting another family member to risk his/her life, Quillo shouts, "Move, move, MOVE!" And the porcupines emerge from their hole and start swatting their prickly tails at anything wearing clothes. They're soon joined by the rest of Team Two, who had been too shocked and horrified at what's been going on ever since Bernard fell onto the piñata to move until now.

Team Three's location, two minutes before the piñata breaks...

As the next person steps up to get blindfolded, the humans' actions are continuing to be monitored by Simon and his family who are still flying high in the sky above the backyard. The distance the bats are doing so gives the impression to any human who looks up that there is just a normal flock of birds flying in the air, as the bats are too high to be distinguished from a bird.

Christine has always been the most impatient and short-tempered of her sisters, so when she hears the sound of another human who misses the piñata, she lets out a groan.

Christine (annoyed): "How much longer do we have to wait up here?"

As the most mature, level-headed, yet snarkiest of the bat siblings, Marilyn calmly replies, "Until we hear the screams of humans reacting to Team One, Mrs. Hasty."

Being a bit of a suck-up, the shyest, but also kindest of her sisters, Claire adds, "But you gotta admit, it is taking them a long time."

Christine: "Thanks, Claire. At least one of my sisters knows how to speak my language. I mean, if I was down there and was the size of a human, I'd have broken the piñata on my first try."

Claire: "But the humans down there don't know what it's like not having the use of their eyes, which means their senses of hearing and smell aren't as good as ours."

Simon: "You are absolutely right, Claire."

Celine: "So less complaining and more flying, Christine."

Christine: "I'm just bored, mom and dad. I'm kind of getting a little tired, too."

Marilyn (sarcastically): "Has someone not been exercising as much? Has that same someone been sneaking off to eat midday snacks while every other bat in her family sleeps until sundown?"

Christine: "Are you calling me fat and lazy?!"

Marilyn: "You said it, not me."

Claire: "Girls, please stop it and be nicer to each other. If you have bad things to say, it's better to just think those things towards others instead of speaking such things out loud."

Christine: "Better to be loud and expressive than a passive, doormat-of-a-recluse like you."

Claire: "Hey! That was uncalled for! I'm not a recluse, and I'm no one's doormat!"

Christine: "Oh please. If you had a middle name, it would be 'Welcome.' "

Having had enough, Simon and Celine stop flying straight, turn around, and quickly slap their daughters in the faces. Regaining their common sense, the three start flapping in place.

Simon: "Enough is enough! Open your mouths again, and your mother and I will smack you three so hard that you'll wake up in another state! You're never too old to be disciplined by your parents!"

Normally, their father is quiet and reserved, so for him to actually yell is a rare occurrence, and one reserved for only the most serious predicaments...like this one. The triplets all have a look of embarrassment and dread across their faces, and their mom's words only deepen their facial expressions.

Celine: "You should be ashamed of yourselves. Acting like a trio of seven-year-olds! If that's how you wanna behave, then your father and I will treat you like you're seven! But if you wanna be treated like the grown, 24-year-olds that you are, then start acting like you're 24!"

Marilyn, Christine, and Claire briefly lower their heads in shame and then raise their heads back up to their parents' direction.

Marilyn, Christine, and Claire in unison: "We're sorry, mom and dad. It won't happen again."

Simon and Celine in unison: "It better not."

At that moment, the bats hear RJ and Mary's screams from below, and even the adults' hearts fill with horror.

Celine: "Oh no! They've already started the raid! And it sounds like Heather is hurt! "

Christine: "Ugh! If we hadn't been arguing, we could've heard the signal!"

Marilyn: "They need our help! NOW!"

Simon: "Let's go!"

The five bats swoop down as fast as they can, hoping they're not too late.

Back on the ground, and needing to clear the yard of humans as fast as possible, Kale emits the foulest-sounding snarl he's ever given, while Stella and De'Ausha get next to him with their tails raised—knowing that his snarl will draw every human's attention in his direction.

Mexican-American man: "¡Dirígete a las colinas! ¡Mofetas y un lobo!"

Although only those fluent in Spanish know that the guy had said, "Head for the hills! Skunks and a wolf!", even non-Spanish speakers flee at the sight of Kale, Stella, and De'Ausha. Every human either runs into the house or jumps over the fence and into the yard of the house next door.

By the time the bats arrive, RJ has climbed down from the tree and rushes to Heather's side. He immediately checks her pulse, which puts everyone on edge.

RJ: "She's alive."

The hedgies breathe a sigh of relief.

RJ: "But she looks very bad. We gotta get home, NOW! Half of you get the golf cart and the other half get the food!"

Kale: "You heard El Jefe, let's do somethin'!"

Note: El Jefe means "The Boss" in Spanish.

Verne: "But how will we open the garage door where the golf cart is?!"

Rick: "Someone's gotta go into the house and open it from the inside."

Velma: "How will we do that?!"

Kale: "I'll take care of it." (To Stella) "Maestra de Voladuras, with me! Ándale!"

Responding to her nickname of "Master Blaster," Stella gets onto the wolf's back and holds on tight.

Verne: "Kale, are you thinking about jumping through the house's window?!"

Kale: "What oth'a option do I have, Señor Cáscara Conmocionado?"

Too frantic to acknowledge his nickname, "Mr. Shell-Shocked," Verne continues, "Those windows are strong. Wait until we've weakened them with rocks before jumping."

Kale: "Oh...I, uh, didn't think about that."

Stella (vexed tone): "You were gonna try ta break through a window with me ridin' with ya?!"

Kale: "Sorry..."

Stella (taps Kale's head hard and points at him while speaking): "You betta be." (To the others) "What're y'all standin' around for?! Start throwin' rocks!"

The hedgies tasked with getting the golf cart pick up the stones used as decorations in the yard's flower bed and begin throwing them at the sliding glass door. The humans inside jolt and start running to other rooms or out the front door in order to avoid a home invasion by animals. Only Rodolfo keeps his cool and dials a number on his cell phone. By the time the hedgies have created a crack safe enough for Kale to bust through without getting hurt, Rodolfo puts his phone away and grabs a fireplace poker.

Kale jumps through and enters the living room, ready to fight Rodolfo who promptly jabs the poker at him. Kale dodges and waits for an opening. However, with Heather's life on the line, Stella wants to clear the house of anyone else who's brave enough to get in her and Kale's way. She lives up to her nickname and fills the entire house with a thick cloud of noxious gas. All the humans gag and choke as they hurriedly find the first door they can leave through. Being closest to the glass door, Rodolfo instinctively heads out into the backyard and is joined by 15 other humans, all of whom quickly lock their eyes on the animals stealing their food.

Rodolfo: "I called the Verminator, he'll be here soon! Let's make sure none of these vermin escape!"

That doesn't worry the animals too much since they know Verm-Tech is an hour-and-fifteen-minute drive away from their current location.

What does worry them is when Rodolfo's wife, Isabel, adds, "They must all pay for ruining my precious daughter's Quinceañera, and stink-bombing our house!"

The other humans (composed of adults, teens, and children) don't object and grab the Mariachi Band's abandoned instruments to use as weapons while others head over to the toolshed to get some sharper ones. All of this points to the conclusion that RJ has once again failed to accurately predict human behavior, especially when their house gets skunked.

Worried about how exposed the family will be with Heather out of commission, Rick intends to end the inevitable fight as quickly as possible.

Rick: "Use your skunk spray, De'Ausha!"

Plushie: "Yeah! Send 'em all packing!"

De'Ausha immediately raises her tail and aims at the humans, but then Tiger grabs her and swings her behind him.

De'Ausha: "Jee boodan ebtehar, Baba?!"

Note: De'Ausha said "What are you doing, Daddy?!/ چیکار میکنی پدر؟" in Persian.

Tiger: "Save your spray for when we make our getaway in the golf cart!"

Verne: "He's right. Just fight 'em off the best you can, people!"

That doesn't sound too comforting to the others, but Tiger's point is nonnegotiable. That means with Kale inside, the porcupines are best-equipped animals to hold off the humans. But to do that requires an optimistic and clear mindset, which Spike does not currently have. Still musing about how his argument with Emma nearly got Heather killed, he fails to avoid a human's attack. He gets hit with a guitar, which flips him on his back, and exposes his soft belly that Rodolfo jabs with his fire poker. If the object had a sharper tip, Spike's wound might have been fatal, but all he suffers is a lot of pain and a minor pinprick wound.

Rodolfo is about to jab Spike again, when Quillo, feeling some of his tail-quills are loose from a previous human's blow, whips his tail as hard as he can to make some of his spikes fly toward Rodolfo. He and a teenager next to him scream in pain and fall to the ground when Quillo's quills get stuck in their legs. With the humans trying to attack the porcupines now being distracted to help their own wounded, Quillo approaches his little brother and turns him onto his front.

Quillo: "Be careful, Spike. Remember what dad said about a porcupine's soft belly side."

Spike: "It's all my fault..."

Quillo: "Huh?"

Spike: "Heather...she could've been killed because of me!"

Rachel: "She will get killed if you don't get over it and start helping us fight off the humans!"

Spike: "Y-yeah. Right. S-sorry."

Spike's tone is still mired with regret, so Quillo knows his brother still has his mind on how his argument with Emma nearly cost Heather's life. Fortunately, he knows just the way to get Spike back to his normal self in a jiffy.

Quillo: "When it's time to leave, I'll drive the golf cart. You press the gas or brake pedal."

Taking Quillo's bait, Spike immediately responds.

Spike (playfully-challenging tone): "No-ho way! I'm gonna drive, and you control the pedals."

Quillo: "Okay how about this? Whoever gets to the golf cart first after putting their food load in it gets to do the driving."

Spike: "You're on!"

With a new reason to forget about his despair and to start keeping his wits up, Spike reforms in the line of porcupines as they start to chase the humans through the yard. Five of the humans are then forced by the swooping bats to run into each other, causing a dogpile and deepening the confusion. The animals have finally gained the upper hand! As long as they keep the pressure on the humans, they'll do just fine.

Voice: "The solution to the animal problem that you phoned about has arrived!"

All heads turn to the direction of the speaker whereby the humans and animals see a Caucasian man wearing blue overalls, a white t-shirt with a skull on it, yellow-rimmed and orange-lensed goggles, green gloves, brown boots, and a red baseball cap.

Rebecca: "How'd the Verminator get here so fast?!"

Luby: "Oh no! It's that Pierre guy!"

An old enemy RJ had made during his drifter days when the raccoon ate the human's box of cupcakes. Pierre had graduated bottom of his class from Verm-Tech two years after the Second Verm-Tech Incident that had lost the college's entire inventory of captured animals. Although Pierre isn't very bright, he more than makes up for it with his aggressiveness, tenacity, and his peak physical fitness that enables him to keep up a chase with even the fastest of North American animals.

There is only one creature among the rest who can outrun Pierre, and it's Hammy. The father squirrel zooms toward the comedic-looking human, who promptly fires his net gun and traps Hammy in a net with a stunning display of marksmanship and timing.

Scarlet: "Hammy!"

Aaron: "Daddy!"

Sam: "Aaaahhh-heee!"

Pierre aims the gun at the three squirrels, cocks it, and says, "Step ri-ight up! It's 'Bag the Vermin day!' "

Even the humans roll their eyes at that. And the animal onlookers don't know what's worse: seeing more of their family getting trapped in nets, or Pierre's lame jokes. Pierre then quickly nets Ty, Quillo, Sarah, and Rachel before Lou and Spike get within striking distance of the man. Father and son each hit one of Pierre's legs, but nothing happens!

Pierre (gloating tone): "Quill-proof boots, Verm-Tech R&D's latest footwear breakthrough!" (Kicks Lou and Bucky aside like footballs) "Weren't expectin' that, were ya?!"

Screeching sounds from above makes Pierre look up into the sky where the five bats start dive-bombing his face with the food they had been collecting. With his goggles on, the tacos, enchiladas, and salsa don't harm Pierre's eyes, but they do successfully blot out his vision. Now that the bats have run out of ammo, he immediately offsets this by removing the goggles, revealing his abnormally small, ice-blue eyes.

Those eyes quickly see that the only animals not trying to fight off himself and the recovering party-goers are RJ, Mary, Heather, and Bernard, the latter of whom is still in his mom's pouch. Pierre aims his net gun at the four-member family who are so close together that one shot will capture them all in the same net.

That's when Tiger jumps on top of Pierre's head and starts a one-cat, cat-fight-cloud, clawing and biting for all he's worth.

Pierre: "AHHHH! Ah, GEE! Get offa me, ya filthy fleabag! You're gonna damage my handsome face!"

Still clawing, Tiger yells, "Your face was damaged before the day you were even born, kafer!" in animal language.

Note: "Kafer," pronounced Kay-fer, is Persian for "heathen/infidel."

Even with the main threat now subdued, the animals must still contend with the 16 other humans who have regained their footing and are rearing to turn the tide in their favor once more. And with eight family members trapped in nets, those who are still free have the impossible task of fending off the humans while also trying to rescue the netted ones.

Verne (in fear-induced monotone): "Wh-what'll we do...?"

Rick (ditto): "We pray..."

Everyone accepts the grim reality of their situation. It will take a miracle to save the hedgies, now...

Suddenly, a car horn blasts the opening notes of a famous song, "La Cucaracha, la Cucaracha" from somewhere behind the fence on the house's side. The next instant, the backyard fence door explodes into shreds of wood when Rodolfo's silver-colored, super-charge-engined, reinforced-hulled, redneck-wheeled, on- or off-road, 10-seater golf cart comes crashing through!

Stella operates the pedals while Kale steers the behemoth vehicle—right into the path of the humans, who, unwilling to go up against that juggernaut, scatter in a panic.

In accordance with an order given by Kale that only Stella could hear over the golf-cart's loud engine, the skunks stops the golf cart so that it's in front of most of the hedgies.

Stella: "Come with us if y'all wanna live!"

No one plans on doing otherwise, so the hedgies run to the netted family members first and don't even cut them free, they start hoisting them into the golf cart. When RJ reaches over Heather to do the same, Mary swats his paw aside.

Mary: "No, daddy! Bernard is still in her pouch! His weight might hurt mommy even more!"

RJ: "You're right!"

RJ quickly digs into Heather's pouch, feels his son's legs, and yanks him out. Bernard is still playing possum, which is why Luby (expecting this) shows up with a bottle of ice water fresh out of a cooler and pours it on him.

Bernard wakes up yelling, "AHH! C-COLD! The stabbing knives of cold, cold pain! AHHHH!"

RJ grips his shaking son, which calms him down. Then, Bernard's face lights up with urgency.

Bernard: "Where's mommy?!"

RJ: "She's hurt."

Bernard gasps and he looks over at Heather who is groaning in agony.

RJ: "Look at me, Bernard."

Bernard can't take his eyes off Heather.

RJ (sternly and while turning his son's head to face him): "Look. At. Me. Son."

Now facing his father, Bernard looks into RJ's eyes.

RJ: "She will recover. But right now, I need to stay with her while you help your sister get everyone else onto the cart. You can do this, without playing possum. I believe in you. I'm counting on you. Both of you. Now go!"

Bernard and Mary nod in unison and rush over to help collect the trapped porcupines who the other family members are having trouble loading due to the prickly rodent's quills and weight. If that didn't make things hard enough already, the 16 partiers and one Verminator start moving back into the yard with their tools or makeshift weapons raised.

Stella: "De'Ausha, I used up all my stink! You still have yours?!"

De'Ausha (yelling to be heard by the whole family): "Take a deep breath, everyone! Run in the direction the cart will move when it goes forward!"

Everyone silently understands the details of the new plan, which De'Ausha wastes no time in putting into action. Being younger, De'Ausha's gas cloud isn't as big as Stella's. It still causes the humans to enter a coughing fit and be unable to see anything, though, and that's all the hedgies will need. Kale has already driven the golf cart out of the stink cloud, and the others follow suit. Tiger is also among their ranks, confident that the smell will keep Pierre occupied. He helps the rest in getting every animal in a net into the golf cart.

RJ: "To the food tables, Kale!"

Verne: "You can't be serious!"

RJ: "We gotta leave with something from this disaster! Everyone just grab one paw-load and get back into the cart! That gas cloud will provide us with all the time and cover we'll need!

Kale looks at Verne, who replies in a reluctant-defeated tone, "Ok. Do it."

RJ reaches into his golf bag and gets out three pairs of scissors that he tosses to Rick, Luby, and Verne. Those animals get to work cutting the nets, and by the time that Kale drives the souped-up golf cart to the food tables, the squirrels and porcupines are all free.

The instant that everyone—minus Heather—gets on top of the tables, they hear Pierre shout, "Cover your eyes and ears!" Knowing exactly which pocket holds the object he's looking for, Pierre's inability to see doesn't slow him down for a split second. He pulls the pin off something grenade-shaped, and throws it on the ground. The sound that occurs two seconds later is more of a Splash! than an explosion—a splash of pleasant-smelling liquid that contains micro-molecules designed to absorb and neutralize unpleasant odors and gases. A Febreze-grenade if you will.

Female party guest: "Oh, thank heavens! I couldn't stand it anymore in that cloud of skunk gas!"

Pierre: "I never leave home without my anti-skunk grenades."

Rodolfo: "It's a good thing you recently moved into one of the houses here in E.E.S. You're getting paid double for your quick arrival and great gadgets."

Pierre: "Heh! I knew I smelt an opportunity when I heard gossip about some pesky and smart animals who come into the suburbs every now and then."

The animals, who have been compelled to stay still and listen to the humans' conversation (the hedgies just had to know about the Febreze-grenade), now know that future heists will be far more difficult with Pierre living in the Elysian Fields Estates. But that's all the time they have to think about the matter.

Pierre: "Now," (Cocks his net gun) "Where were we?"

He's looking at the hedgies with a sinister grin on his face, and those around him wear looks of contempt for the furred and scaled animals. The hedgies give dopey, embarrassed smiles, then hop back into the golf cart with their paws full of food. Spike gets to the steering wheel before Quillo, but neither sibling fights over it because they don't have the time. Instead, each uses their videogame-accumulated driving skills which enables them to start up the engine and turn the golf cart so that the windshield protects them from the net that's fired from Pierre's gun.

Knowing his little brother's driving/playing habits, Quillo floors the gas pedal, while Spike aims for the humans. The people get out of the way in time, and Pierre fires a net at the two back-facing backseats at the rear of the cart. No animal is sitting there, so everyone is safe. All they have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride home.

The instant the golf cart passes the driveway at the front of the house, Mary notices the garage door is still open. A realization hits her and she gasps.

She grabs Bernard's paw, making him go, "Hey!?"

Mary yells, "Come back for us!" to no one in particular, and then does the unthinkable: she jumps off the golf cart and starts running (and pulling Bernard) into the garage.

Hedgies (minus Heather) in unison: "What the?!"

Spike (to Quillo): "STOP!"

Quillo slams down on the breaks, causing everyone to fall forward in the golf cart.

Spike (to Quillo): "Full reverse!"

Quillo presses the proper pedal latch that puts the golf cart in reverse. By now, Mary and Bernard are running out of the garage, and the humans from the back yard who haven't given up on chasing the animals are 10 feet away from the opossacoons. When the golf cart is five feet away from Mary and Bernard, Spike yells, "Hit the brakes!"

The tires squeal to a halt.

Spike: "Forward!"

Quillo obeys, but several of the others exclaim, "Huh?!"

Verne (demanding tone at Spike): "What're you thinking?!"

Spike: "We won't have time to go from a full stop to full speed. The humans will catch up to us! Mary and Bernard'll have to run up to the cart while it's going forward! That's when I'll floor it!"

Verne speaks for everyone when he says, "I get it!"

Spike (nods): "It'll be just like in every movie escape that involves going from the ground onto a moving train."

Having heard the plan, RJ and Rick climb over to the rear seats. The two raccoons get down on the metal floor, grip one paw on the skinny, arch-shaped metal golf club attachment, and hold out their other paws that they will use to hopefully pull in Mary and Bernard.

Rick: "C'mon kiddos!"

RJ: "Run as fast as you can! Don't look back!"

The opossacoons sprint as fast as their legs can carry them. They're gradually getting closer to the moving golf cart, but so are the humans. Pierre cocks his net gun and aims it at the fleeing opossacoons.

The instant he squeezes the trigger, the rake of a party-goer who is now passing the Verminator hits the net gun, forcing the shot to go to the right and missing his intended targets completely.

Bernard and Mary grab onto Rick's and RJ's outstretched paws respectively and are yanked into the golf cart.

Rick (screaming at duo of drivers): "GO, SPIKE AND QUILLO! G-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!"

The result is immediate, and the angry humans are soon left in the dust of the fleeing golf cart, with everyone in it safe and sound. The cheer of the animals is heard from a full block away, but one voice doesn't join them.

Unable to believe his children's stunt that put their own and everyone else's lives in danger, RJ screams at Mary and Bernard in uncontrollable rage.

RJ: "WHY ON EARTH DID YOU TWO DO THAT?!"

The twins tap something on their sides...And that's when RJ sees two golf bags—a pink and black one for Mary, and a red and black one for Bernard—resting beside the kits.

RJ looks at both of his panting kids with eyes full of happy and prideful tears. He gives a grin like he's never grinned before.

RJ: "That's my girl. And that's my boy."

RJ and his kids bring it in for one for the biggest hugs he's ever given them.

All in all, this day was a disaster. Everything that could go wrong during the heist went wrong, Heather is severely hurt and will take a while to get fully better, and little to no food was obtained. However, thanks to his children's quick thinking and actions, it seems that the family won't be going home empty-handed after all.

Even though the costs for today's slim victory will fully set in once the hedgies get home—and will have dire consequences—the family might as well take a small victory over no victory.

It's been too long since I have had the hedgies go on a heist, so a chapter like this was long overdue. The reason I haven't been around is because I've been working a 40 hour (sometimes 40 plus) work week at a very physically-taxing job ever since May, which left me no time to update stories. Now that I've resigned from that job and am looking and applying for new ones, I've finally had the time to update!

I'll still try to update stories, but once a true career comes open, I will have to work in my writing time around a new work schedule. So don't think I'll be able to update frequently just yet. Even so, I hope this chapter was worth the wait, and greatly appreciate your patience with me!

See ya next time!