Ace was nervous.

It was only his second week in his new class and he was still getting to know the others. He mixed up the names, had troubles remembering them and forgot who was in his class and who was only with him in certain courses. So, he tended to ask the wrong people or was surprised when he found a classmate sitting next to him.
His class was friendly and kind, helping him out, taking him to classes or the right room, saying their name when he had this embarrassed look on his face while approaching them, giving him their numbers and sitting down next to him when he was sitting alone somewhere. So, he was lucky, really lucky.
His teachers where just as kind as his classmates. They didn't call on him in the middle of class and just let him be for the first couple of lessons, giving him a chance to get orientated and settle down in his new daily rhythm. If he wanted to say something, they gladly picked him. After class some of his teachers asked him how he was doing or if he was able to follow their lesson, if he would need some material or someone who could explain it to him some more. And if yes, they promised to ask a fellow student if they would like to help him out. But he was doing just fine, feeling happy to be cared for and that others wanted him to feel welcomed

.

So, there he was, some of his classmates, he didn't want to say friends, he barely knew them for a week, had taken their seats next to and in front of him, greeting him and asking what he was doing.
He closed his book in which he had been staring at his vocabs, those that he had to get in his head and showed them the book cover. "Spanish, huh? That's cool. Can you teach me? I only know how to order takeout...", Bonney said while eyeing the pear Ace was eating. She and some boys had started to eat their lunch with him, so he wouldn't be sitting there all alone.
He nodded, giving a small snort when she talked about her Spanish skills. He swallowed and cleared his throat, about to greet them with more than the nod he had given them before. "Hey, yes. It's pretty cool, but I think it's not getting easier. I once opened it at the wrong page and understood nothing.", he gave an embarrassed smile.
Bonney and the others smiled back in sympathy while taking out their lunch. Ace felt a little jealous. He always forgot to make some or was too late to remember it, so he always just threw something which was laying around in his backpack and stormed off to school, trying to not be too late. But the others always had something nice. Leftovers from the day before, something cooked just for school or something else.

But it always was something that had been prepared and not something they had just quickly grabbed. "Sorry, but... How do you manage that?", Ace asked, gesturing to their food. He only got back some questioning looks. "What?"
"Your food always looks so good!", he smiled, "and I barely manage to grab anything at all"
"Oh, that's because mom makes it for me. Or I do it if she's busy" "yeah. Mine too. She's a chef and brings some of the leftovers home so they don't get thrown away" "uh, dad gets up early so he prepared the food and later we have breakfast together. Are your parent busy with work?" Ace gave a soft nod. "Yeah... and I also often forget to make it myself " Bonney smiled at him. "Hey, we could start to remind you. And if you forget your food just text me, I can then ask mom if she can bring more of it home. Or if I can take some more with me. She's happy if the food gets eaten. So that won't be a problem."
Ace felt how his cheeks turned red and how he started to smile happily.
He'd love that. He'd absolutely love that.

Since his mother got sick and died and with no other relatives alive, he was alone with his dad. He was awesome. But he had to work a lot. Only on the weekend, they had some time together. After selling the house and moving into a comfy apartment, they were able to see each other a lot more. But still, Roger was most of the time busy, making calls and stuff. When he had a calm call, where he didn't need to write something down or look something up, he used to go to Ace, sitting down next to him and giving him some love, ruffling his hair, looking at him and smiling a warm and loving smile... Roger was a great dad. Ace loved him and enjoyed it when he was able to spare him some time…

.

Later that day, he chatted with Bonney, asking her if it really would be okay for her if she shared her lunch, she called him stupid and said he would have to eat it and how she would force-feed him if he didn't. That got another smile up on Ace's face and he again thanked her.

When he got home, he was alone. A sticky note from his dad was placed on the kitchen table. "Hibiscus had her food. Don't believe her." next to it, a smiley face with a moustache. Ace chuckled and checked his phone. Usually when his dad left a note there was something else he wanted to write down on it too... But forgot it. So, Ace called him. As expected, he didn't pick up. But now Roger knew Ace was home..
Ace felt claws digging in his ankles and looked down, only to see his cat, Hibiscus, pawing his leg and purring, wanting attention. Ace crouched down and petted her, before picking her up and nuzzling his face into her fur. They both loved cuddling.

At the evening, after Ace had finished his homework and had secretly given Hibiscus some treats, he laid on the couch, still giving her love and belly rubs, playing with her paws and earning some small scratches if he had annoyed her too much. While Ace was playing with Hibiscus, Roger came home.
They ate together and were even able to talk about how their day went before Ace's alarm went off and told him he had to go to bed. Without this alarm he usually went and fell asleep too late and had even more trouble with getting up in the morning. He really needed those 30 minutes where he just laid in bed and did nothing, just staring at his ceiling. Without it, he was useless. Once he even forgot to put on some clothes and only noticed at school that he was going commando.

So he hugged his dad goodnight, snatched his cat off the wall and went to bed. Roger could hear Hibiscus complaining and just laughed. She had managed to climb up even further than yesterday. This cat was literally going up the wall.

.

Everything went fine. Ace got his lunch from Bonney and really taught her Spanish in exchange. But after 2 weeks, when he waited for her at their usual table, only the boys showed up, asking him if he knew where she was.
Bonney didn't answer her phone and after another day of her not being in school, Ace decided to visit her. She had become his best friend.
So that's what he did. After school, he messaged his dad that he would be at a friend's house and would be home later than usual. Luckily the others had given him her address. He had forgotten to ask her for it. And the boys would like to check on her too, but had to work. He believed them, because they seemed honest. And he had seen them working at a gas station or volunteering somewhere.

When he arrived, he once again decided to call her, just in case.
Someone picked up.

"-ello? " That person sniffed. "Hey.. Bonney? Are you okay?" she sounded like she... Had been crying? He heard another sniff "I'm... I'm fine... Sorry... Uhm... What's up?" Ace smiled softly, hearing how she sat up and probably shoved her blanket off her body. "Yeah... I was worried and am now standing at your door... Could you let me in? It's getting kinda awkward.."
"Huggies?" Ace looked confused at his phone. "you're the one biting me when I try to hug you. Why would I waste this opportunity?" the call ended and he was able to hear someone running through the house. He even caught sight of a patch of pink hair zooming past one window before he heard stairs and a door being unlocked. He was only able to put his phone in his pocket before his arms were full with a crying Bonney
He hugged her close and carefully waddled with her in his arms back inside the house. After an hour of crying and explaining, where Ace met Bonney's parents and got cookies, he now knew that Bonney had had a boyfriend and that said boyfriend had broken up with her while being on vacation, because he had seen a girl and 'fell in love with her'.
Ace continued to cuddle with her and comfort her as best as he could.
Bonney's mother did the same and it hurt him to witness it. After another hour where Bonney was feeling better and was tired, she went to bed and Ace packed his things to go home. Bonney's mother thanked him for visiting and gave him some food to take with him.

.

When he arrived at home, he kicked his shoes off his feet, placed the food in the oven (to heat up later), threw his backpack in his room and searched for his dad.
"Dad? Are you home?" he even ignored Hibiscus, who wanted to give him comfort.
Roger wasn't home. But Ace needed him. He needed him now or as soon as possible. So he called him.

Roger didn't pick up. But this time, Ace didn't just hang up and went with it, but left a message, asking him if he probably could manage to get home a little bit sooner. "-I'm fine, don't worry... But... I don't know... If you could manage it... I'd like it if you could... Just be hhere? Anyways, see you later dad, luv you."
Ace never left messages but instead texted him.
They had their own way of communicating. Leaving notes was for important things that still had time. Texting was stuff that wasn't important but had to be done, calling and not leaving a message was just for the other to know something or to remind them about stuff. But calling and leaving a message meant it was something important that needed to be done soon. It was a rare occurrence to leave a message behind.
Roger had two phones, one for work and one for home. He checked his private phone multiple times over the day but had it on mute. Ace knew that. And if something really bad happened, an emergency, then ace would call his work phone. It was always on.
Their way of communication worked pretty well.
And so Ace waited and finally started to pet Hibiscus, who was laying in his lap

Only 15 minutes later he got a notification, his dad had answered. 'I'm on my way. 20 minutes.' Ace smiled softly, knowing his dad would come home, 2 hours early, only for him and because he needed it.
Ace waited for his dad, trying to focus and holding in his tears.
His mother had been dead for over a year and he knew he wasn't over it... He knew it was better that she had died back then, because her illness was only getting worse... But he of course missed her. He missed her every day. At times more than others, but he always missed her. And today, after seeing how Bonney's mother had cared for her...

It hurt. It hurt so much. Seeing it, he had realised that his mother was gone. He had no-one to be there for him if his heart would be broken one day. Sure, he had his father, and he did a really good job at parenting... But it wasn't the same. He had lost his mother. He would never again feel her loving touch, see her soft smile being directed at him, seeing her eyes... Let alone hear her voice. He still had her texts and voice messages he could always listen to her telling him something... But it wouldn't be the same. She was gone and he hated God and the world for it.
He took a breath. One... Two... Three... Four... He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, scratching Hibiscus ears. Five... Six... It became easier. His throat was no longer feeling too tight to breathe. He blinked and smiled at the ceiling. His dad would be here soon.

The door opened and he lowered his gaze towards it. "hi dad..." he gave a watery smile and opened his arms, asking for a hug.
Roger closed the door and made a bee-line towards his son. Not even taking his shoes off. "Hey. Acey. What's wrong." he kneeled down in front of his son and gently pulled him on his lap, placing his arms around him and hugging him carefully.
Ace let out a sob, making himself comfortable and hiding his face in his father's neck. "I miss her, dad. I miss her so much." and with that, he let go. Ace started to cry and sob, clinging to his father who was trying to hold his own tears at bay.

In the end, both started to cry and comforted each other. Both were hurt and missed Rouge, their beloved wife and mother. And after some time, which both needed to dry their tears and calm down, Ace told him what had shaken him up so bad. He told him how he visited Bonney, the girl who shared her lunch with him and became his friend, because she wasn't at school and nobody knew anything. Told him that she was sad because someone broke up with her and that he had given her some comfort. And he told how Bonney's mother did the same and how caring and loving she was towards her daughter and how thankful she was towards him. He told him, after a deep breath, how it had reminded him that his own mother was gone, that she wasn't able to comfort him anymore.

Roger hugged his son and let everything sink in, thinking of how he should respond.
"I know I still have you. And I know you love me... But... I had her too. And I should be grateful that I still have you, you're amazing! Some kids are not that lucky, to have a dad like you and are in a bad family or are orphans..." Ace sniffed, Roger saw this as his chance to interrupt him.
"Ace. Just because there are people who have less than you or have lost even more than you, you don't have to be happy with how much you lost. You still lost someone, so you can be sad." he brushed over Ace's hair, smiling softly. "Even people who have everything they could want, can still be unhappy. So don't do that. Please. You lost your mother. Your mom.", his voice cracked a bit, " and you loved her. Of course, you miss her."
He kissed the forehead of his child. Even if Ace was 19 already. He was his son, his child. And he would be his child that he cares for. Forever. Nothing could change how deeply he loved him. "And it's good that you miss her. Your mom was a beautiful woman. Someone that deserves to be missed." he pressed Ace closer to his chest and stood up, only to sit back down on the couch and cuddle him even more.

"There will always be a place for her in your heart. And in your life. This place can never be filled in by someone else. Not by me, friends, lovers, or maybe even a new love for me. I will never try to fill that place with someone else. Because no-one will ever be able to do that.", he smiled at Ace, wiping a tear off his cheek.
"She will always be there. No matter what or when. Birthdays, getting your driver's license, when you graduate, your wedding... Everything. Your whole live. She will be there, even if she's not physical with you. And there will always be a place for her. I know it hurts. And you're not alone with that. I'm missing her too... But we will find a way, okay. I'm an adult, yes. But even as an adult I don't know what will happen next.", he took a deep breath. "But I'll be there. Okay? You're not alone in this and it's okay to miss her...", he gave another smile, "she would be offended if not."
His last words made both of them chuckle and they cuddled some more, slowly starting to tell each other small anecdotes about her, making them feel better.

Talks like this happened again. And of course, Ace still misses his mother. Sometimes more and other times less. He missed her whenever he had achieved something big, something he was proud of. When he told his dad he had the feeling that he was bisexual... He missed her when he was alone...

But she never left him, not completely.
And she never would.

Feel free to comment or leave suggestions.

I know it looks like I stopped my other work... I just have a really bad writers block and can't feel it at the moment. I will continue, one day. But right now I can't. I can't even understand my notes. I'm sorry.

I hope everyone is feeling great or is at least trying his best! ^^