Disclaimer: I own nothing. Charmed and all its characters belong to their respective owners
HOPELESS AND HELPLESS
"You expect us to beat the Titans dressed like this? Maybe at a costume party," Piper said, incredulously.
"That's not a costume. That represents your new power," Chris said.
"Power. Power's good! I like power! Why do I like power?" Paige asked.
"Because… You're the Goddess of War."
"Ah, well I guess that explains the pitchfork!"
Chris' eyes widened slightly. "That's not a pitchfork. It's a trident, a formidable weapon. Be careful, it can do some serious damage."
"Right on! Who wants to fight?" Paige said, brandishing her weapon.
"I'm a lover, not a fighter," Phoebe said, twisting her hair, smiling at Chris.
"You're the Goddess of Love."
"Naturally," Piper said. "So that must make me the Goddess of Sanity because I seem to be the only one who finds this ridiculous."
"Actually, Leo gave you dominion over the earth and all its natural elements…"
"Wait a minute, you're saying Leo did this?"
Before Chris could reply, Phoebe walked up to him, saying, "Chris, you never told us, do you have a girlfriend in the future?"
Chris could hardly believe it. His aunt, his blood-related aunt, was flirting with him. Desperately, he glanced at Zeke for help, but all he did was raise his eyebrows and smirk.
"Uh," Chris said, turning back to Phoebe and backing away slightly. "As you can see, you all have urges and drives based on your powers. Don't let it distract you." He began to move around the room as Phoebe followed him. "Stay focused. Focused on the Titans."
"Hold it, pal. I don't know what kind of game you're running but Leo is not in the God-making business."
"How old are you, anyway?"
"The Elders forbid it and if anything, Leo is a company man."
Chris nodded. "The Elders did forbid it. But guess what? They're dead. Most of them. Leo's in charge up there now and he's taken a huge risk to make sure you three don't lose your humanity. So- woah, oh!"
Zeke stared open mouthed, trying not to laugh. Paige had lifted Chris up by her trident and he was dangling in mid-air.
"You knew the Titans were going to kill the Elders. You could have prevented it," Paige said, harshly. "I say we castrate him."
"A little control here, ladies," Chris said, eyes widening.
"Oh, can't we figure out something else to cut off?" Phoebe asked.
Rolling his eyes, Chris orbed to Zeke.
"I told you. Stay. Focused. In my future, all the Elders were killed. That's why we came back. To help Leo give you the power so this would never have to happen again."
"Hey guys, watch this!" Paige said, pointing her trident towards the piano. A bolt of lightning struck it and it blew apart.
"Put that thing down, you're gonna hurt someone," Piper said, directing the trident towards the floor."
"I certainly hope so! Do you know the damage this thing could do?"
"A lot!"
Shaking her head, Phoebe said, "Paige, make love, not… you know. There's no door love can't open; no wall love can't climb; no hurdle love can't… hurdle."
"This is Leo's strategy? Well, he must have lost his mind up there because there's no way these girls can be seen in public, let alone-"
"Oh, that reminds me!" Phoebe cried, excitedly. "I'm late for the bachelor auction. I'm gonna go pick up a guy or two. Or twelve!"
With that, she clapped her hands and disappeared.
"That's a good idea! I'm gonna go and get in some target practise. Beware Titans," and Paige disappeared too.
"I knew the was gonna happen," Chris said, almost laughing. "You gotta go after them."
"Oh no, no, no. This was your big plan, you clean up the mess." Even though Piper trusted Chris to some extent, this was beyond ridiculous.
"No, your role is to provide balance. That's why you feel so grounded and in control."
"Wow, Chris. You almost sounded like a whitelighter there. Too bad I've already got one, and if he'd like me to do something, he can come down here and tell me himself."
"You want Leo? Then vanquish the Titans. If not, you're about to discover what a world of darkness feels like. My world."
Lifting her eyes to the skies for a second, Piper clapped her hands, leaving Chris and Zeke. Finally alone, Zeke let out the laughter he'd been containing.
"It's not funny," Chris snapped.
"Oh, but it is," Zeke countered. "Phoebe was flirting with you! And Paige wanted to castrate you!"
Narrowing his eyes, Chris replied, "I don't think you'd be too happy if they were to castrate me." Happy at the silence he received, Chris continued. "And anyway, this is how you think they show their trust for me? By suggesting they castrate me?"
"Chris, they're just… overwhelmed. It's not every day a half whitelighter and half demon travel back from the future, get them turned into Goddesses, and tell them they have to battle the Titans."
"Well, it doesn't matter. I'll stay here and wait for Piper to return with Paige and Phoebe. You go track all possible demons who could been behind Wyatt's turning."
Zeke nodded, and was about to shimmer into the Underworld, when Phoebe appeared in the room, with twelve or so men.
"You sure you don't want me to stay here and protect you from your aunt?" Zeke asked, grinning.
"Just go!"
"And when Phoebe realises I just disappeared when witches don't have that power?"
Taking a glance at Phoebe, Chris said, "Honestly, I think it's safe to say she won't notice."
Back pressed against the rock wall, Zeke craned his neck slightly to catch a glimpse of the demons. Since neither Chris nor he knew for sure who it was that turned Wyatt, they were looking for those higher up in demonic hierarchy, and powerful demonic factions, before moving onto lower level demons.
The Source was gone, after the Seer had been vanquished. As far as he knew, the Triad had been gone since Cole killed them a few years prior, but they had the power of resurrection, so while it was unlikely, they could be back. Next were the upper-level demons. Among the few well known demons he was aware hadn't been vanquished yet, was Zankou, but he had been imprisoned by The Source, and for a good reason too. Zeke was sure no demon could possibly be stupid enough to even consider freeing him.
The Brotherhood of the Thorn had been destroyed back when his uncle was still alive, and the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse had been killed by The Source. The Ordo Malorum, he'd have to do a bit of research on. He knew they were demonic generals who led the war against forces of good, but the only member he'd heard of was Litvack, who had already been vanquished.
That left half human demons. He knew that a demon named Sirk was going to cause trouble in the future, so Zeke planned to try get rid of him if he could. There was also the Manticores, and the last thing Chris would want was a half manticore baby being found. Especially since it would pose a threat to Wyatt in more ways than one.
Of course, there were the lower-level demons. Often, they were just pests, rather than dangerous, and so very few were mentioned in the Book of Shadows, but if Zeke had learned anything about fighting evil, it was to never underestimate any demon, no matter how weak they may seem at first. Besides, lower level demons could be extremely dangerous when part of factions, especially if they were led by a more powerful demon.
Finally, there were warlocks, and those who had been banished by The Source or the Triad. It was improbable they would be much of a threat, but with The Source and Triad gone, there was always a possibility they would attack.
Zeke was currently listening to a demonic faction. It seemed to be made up of lower-level demons only, with the leader also being lower-level. From what Zeke could gather, they were all of little intelligence, and would hardly be able to reach Wyatt through the protection of his forcefield and family, let alone turn him. Still, they may as well be vanquished now, so they did not prove dangerous, or more likely, a nuisance, in the future.
As an upper-level half demon, Zeke was able to vanquish them quickly and easily. He was not well known, being an outcast, but while he refused to use his powers against forces of good, he was extremely powerful.
He was about to leave when a lone warlock blinked in. Catching sight of Zeke, he grinned, raising the athame in his hand. Zeke couldn't really blame the warlock for thinking he was a witch. After all, he was not well known and in human form. But before the warlock could attack, Zeke created an energy ball in the palm of his hand. The warlocks eyes widened as he realised he'd almost killed a demon higher up in the hierarchy than him, which was forbidden by demonic law. Zeke quickly threw the energy ball, and the warlock was vanquished.
Then he shimmered away, looking for another demonic faction. Maybe he could blend in with them, pretend to work with them, to see if he could hear anything that could help his search for the demon who turned Wyatt.
Chris closed his eyes and counted to ten, his patience rapidly running out. He hoped Zeke was having more luck with whatever he was doing. Of course, since he was an upper-level demon, Zeke could easily vanquish other demons and defend himself, but Chris was still worried.
Especially since he was starting to think there was a good chance the Titans would succeed in killing off the Charmed Ones for good.
The elf nanny had taken Wyatt away, for which Chris was thankful, because, ludicrous as it may seem, he was becoming slightly concerned that Phoebe's… desire, was going to contribute to Wyatt's turning.
"What is this?" Chris had asked Piper. "Goddesses gone wild? I told you to keep them in line. What would happen if the Titans attacked right now?"
"Chris, I've got this, thank you," Piper said. "All of you, out!"
Now, Phoebe was gazing at Chris, longingly, while Piper continued her talk on how they could not become petty and vindictive.
There was a jingle.
Saved by the jingle. Although, Chris thought, maybe doomed by the jingle would be more appropriate.
"That was Leo," he said.
Piper stared at him for a moment. "Leo can jingle now?"
"Yes. He says another Elder is under attack. Like it or not, it's time to face the Titans."
This was ridiculous. Seducing a Titan? Phoebe was attempting to seduce a Titan? Chris would need more than just patience to prevent him from screaming at them in frustration. How they thought they could defeat the Titans by seducing them- or attempting to seduce them, anyway- was beyond him.
Chris had been pacing the room, waiting for the sisters to come back after their first encounter with the Titans. When they finally had, he'd been disappointed to find that they hadn't in fact been able to gain the upper hand on the Titans, let alone get any near vanquishing them. So Chris had left them to create battle simulations to practise different possible ways of defeating the Titans, and went to check on how Zeke was doing. A few demonic factions had been taken care of, so Chris decided to return to the manor, in the hopes that Phoebe and Paige would have thought of something.
His hopes were dashed.
"Leo?" They said, hopefully, as he orbed in.
"Oh, it's just you," Paige said, sighing.
"Well, hello to you too. Where's Piper?"
"She's upstairs with the baby. Where's Leo?"
"He's sorting out the Elders. He's busy. How's things going here?"
"Not great. Every battle simulation ends with our death."
Shaking his head slightly, Chris zoned out and his aunts continued to wistfully talk about Leo, and how good it would be to have him there with them.
"We could really use Leo right about now," Paige said, nodding to something Phoebe told him.
"I'm starting to get that impression," Chris replied, getting more annoyed by the minute.
"Could you bring him back?"
"For the last time, no. What is the matter with you two? You're acting like you're hopeless."
They were. They really were. Chris could hardly believe he was seeing his aunts, who he'd always believed were so powerful and strong, were sat around whining because their precious whitelighter wasn't there with them.
But Chris wondered if he was feeling this frustrated due to their lack of capability to think for and motivate themselves, or because it was Leo they wanted so desperately.
Either way, though, it didn't matter. What mattered was that these girls were so caught up in themselves they weren't seeing the bigger picture. Hell, even Leo could see the bigger picture.
His eyebrows raised as the two sisters looked at each other, explaining why they needed Leo so much. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, when Paige yet again asked if he was sure he couldn't get Leo.
"No! Leo- Leo is up there okay, and he's got to stay up there until-" he paused, standing up and facing them. "You know what, I'm not gonna go over this again. What can I do, to get you two over the hump here?"
"Try saying this," Phoebe said, enthusiastically. "It always works when Leo says it. You're power comes from your emotions."
"O-or how about this. Trust… the Power of Three!" Paige piped up, as Chris looked from Paige to Phoebe, and back to Paige. This was going from hopeless to- to- to even worse. He wasn't even sure how it could get worse.
"Oh wait, how about this one? I'm gonna go check with the Elders. Do you think he ever really checks with the Elders?"
"Ha! No! He probably just orbs to a sports bar and buys his buddies a round of drinks."
There was a heavy silence.
"You really are helpless without him," Chris sighed, looking defeated.
Phoebe looked down and Paige shrugged, sheepishly.
Chris had a sinking feeling there was not going to be any hope for the future unless a miracle happened, and sometime soon.