Boidkuck week 2021 | Day 5 Love Languages/Support/Touching

Title: I'm not afraid of storms

Pairing : Bill Boid/Francis Kuck

Rating : M

Summary : Boid's love language is to shout and push away, Francis knows and doesn't know what he can do about it.

Tags : In media res, arguments and shouting, seemingly unrequited love, unresolved sexual tension,

Author's note : My written French is a mess, it's the reason why I write in English. In case you'd want to translate my RPZ fics just send me a message on twitter or tumblr and we can figure something out. (link is on profile)

Mon Français écrit pue la mort alors j'écris en Anglais. Si jamais y a des gens qui veulent faire des trads envoyez-moi un message sur twitter ou tumblr on s'arrangera.

"You wanted to be captain, don't tell me otherwise." He's angry. His face is contorted into a mask of indignation and rage. His eyes are an unrelenting storm. It tears pieces inside you with every stare. His jaw is stiff with tension. His fingers are digging into his biceps. He is shouting so loud they probably hear him from outside of the captain's office.

"You're not listening to me, dear captain." Francis tries. He refuses to fidget and keeps his thumbs hooked behind his belt. The Vagos had gotten into his head. They relied wrong information and now this is where they were at. He stands right in front of Boid, thinking of what to say. His stomach isn't in knots like it usually is. It's harder than that. He doesn't mind his captain's temper. He doesn't mind the anger. He doesn't mind it all and likes the fact that Bill Boid can be as raw as possible when he's around the others.

But this is different. It's different since Boid believes he's betrayed him. It's different because for just this once Boid is completely wrong. It's different because the wrathful eyes don't awaken warm glow and desire but disappointment in his own soul. He doesn't mind to be shouted at. He likes it because it makes him feel things. There is care behind harsh words and insults dipped in deeply rooted concern. But now they are cold. Cold as ice and for a split moment they terrify him the wrong way. It makes him feel sick, unstable. It's as if the ground could swallow him whole and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

He tries to stay as impassible as possible. No matter how much he wants to reach out. His imagination goes far, to movies and series. Ones that romanticize moments like this. Ones that fix things with a kiss, a hug or even words filled with affections. But it could be taken wrong. He knows how much it would be taken wrong. He doesn't want to see the hope in his captain's eyes and a dreadful silence that would break this man's heart, just like Francis does over and over again.

"Please, just give me the chance to explain if you'd just listen-" His captain uncrosses his arms and Francis understands that he needs another angle to burst through the argument as he gets yet again interrupted.

"Oh I am listening Lieutenant. I'm listening quite clearly," his captain spits. It is filled with bitterness. The words stick to the roof of his mouth. The taste of believed disloyalty is foul and unpleasant. Francis has enough of it. They can't communicate this way. It is as if the captain wants him to have betrayed him. As if he wants to dent in the friendship they have, to push Francis away.

"You're mostly listening to the Vagos, I never-" He is shouting now too, he unhooked the hands from his belt. Why isn't Boid listening ? Why isn't he ? "I never hesitated-"

"Shut up !" Boid says and Francis feels anger on his part as well. Enough. It's been enough.

"No-" He didn't anticipate what happened next. The only thing he feels the way how suddenly he loses his equilibrium. Hands are on his shirt and he's pressed against the wall, hidden from sight. Breath is on his face and body heat is radiating on him. There is pain in his chest, not physically. His back throbs from the impact however.

The captain's body is a tool that holds him down and against. It breaks down his defenses with hammer and rail. It slices inside his flesh and rattles his bones.

"Are you taking me for a fool ?" Boid's forearms are against him. They hold him stuck in place. Francis averts his eyes. The closeness suddenly too much and it claws at him. This isn't good. It never is. He exhales, energy suddenly leaving him. His mind drifts in and out of softer and kinder thoughts.

It feels like he's lost another battle.

"No, my captain-" He finally says. His captain takes a small step back and Francis feels his nerves crying out. The storm has left Boid's eyes but has moved on toward his heart. It confuses him. The lines in his head blur till he feels the same undefined thing. He loses the words in head and his throat locks them up to prevent his heart to say things he doesn't know if he should even believe in, and feel. Capitain Bill Boid is fire against his skin and breaks down his will.

"Then why are you lying ?" The question doesn't feel vicious. He is trying to push Francis away. He fails at it. How much further does need to take it ? How much further does it need to go before even Francis can't take it anymore and breaks. He'd be in the wrong. If he were the one to kiss Boid he'd be in the wrong. He'd never forgive himself.

Things are too clouded and too uncertain. He can't take any steps if it means that his first step could be start of the end. He can't risk it. He doesn't want to risk it.

"I'm not lying, my captain, I don't understand why you do not want to believe me." His voice is soft and he sees Bill's will break in return. It feels bad, it feels wrong. But Francis can't help himself. He's helplessly letting his heart steer him into a direction that has no clear outcome. Yet again the point of destination is an empty dot on an uncharted map.

"Okay, I'll believe you. Explain to me what happened truthfully and I'll believe you."

He doesn't like it. He won't ever like it. He hates how he's bringing the captain down with him. He hates it when Bill releases his grip of fire and ice. He hates how it makes him feel certain things and awakens others.

He hates that he will desperately need a cigarette after this.