a/n: Justice for Hasegawa 2k21.
Gintoki, quite frankly, is shocked when Hasegawa invites him out to dinner with his wife, who is a lot nicer and better looking than he ever anticipated.
The former MADAO actually looks clean and well-put together, and since Gintoki hasn't brought over his kids this time, Hasegawa is more relaxed than Gintoki has remembered. Over the last couple of months, the man has actually done this year what he hasn't been able to do for the bulk majority of the series: hold down a job. Apparently, some kid he saved back in Episode 188 had a CEO father who once worked his way up in a prestigious company, and by some twist of luck, had given the middle aged loser a new lease on life. And miraculously, Gintoki hasn't fucked it up for him... just yet.
Hatsu, as expected, is a perfect host, and makes him a perfect cup of tea with four sugar cubes on his request without lifting a single eyebrow.
"This is Gintoki, my best friend," Hasegawa says, introducing an ex-war criminal, former prison inmate, and general good-for-nothing ronin to his wife.
"Nice to meet you," Hatsu says, and sets the mug on the coffee table and two other cups of perfectly brewed sencha tea next to it. "Taizou has told me a lot about you," she adds, her voice melodious and even.
Gintoki laughs nervously in response. "What has he said about me?"
"That you saved him from despair many times," Hatsu says, and wraps her dainty hands around her own tea cup, taking a sip. Her eyes are kind and gentle, and they remind Gintoki a little bit like Mitsuba's.
"Oh, that's... charitable of you," he says, abashed. "I would've said the opposite, actually..."
"Are you kidding me?" Hasegawa laughs, and slaps him on the back. "Listen - back when you were gone, all I could think about was how much I missed you. I had the money, I had the girls - never did anything with them, of course - but the thing I most wanted was to have a drink with you."
He doesn't really know how to respond to that, so he lifts his tea to his lips. "Cheers," he says weakly, before taking a sip.
To be honest, Gintoki isn't all that proud of the times where he's fucked over Hasegawa (literally and metaphorically), which is probably why for the last few months, he's tried his best to ignore him whenever he sees the man in Kabuki-chou. But it wasn't like Hasegawa had intentionally sought him out, either. He'd been missing in the streets for a long while, which was why when he called Gintoki out of the blue, he'd had been pretty surprised to see that it'd been the formerly homeless man on the other side of the line.
"It was really my fault that Taizou was out there on the streets for so long," Hatsu says, and her eyes are lowered in shame. "I turned my back on him because my family said they would disown me if I tried to help him in any way. They never liked him in the first place."
"That's all right," Hasegawa says, and places his hand on hers. "You did what you could, and I knew what I signed up for when I chose to marry up. I'm just sorry it took me this long to get my act together."
It's almost sickeningly sweet, and Gintoki has to avert his eyes at the display of affection between the two.
"So, Gintoki. What about you? What's going in your life?"
"Nothing, really."
"I heard you were rubbin' elbows with one of the Prime Minister's advisors. Pretty impressive, if you ask me."
"Nah, that's just Zura being Zura. I don't care for any of that."
Hasegawa taps out a cigarette from a carton, lighting it up and taking a drag. "Well, that's all right. What about a girlfriend, then?"
"Don't have one, don't need one," Gintoki says, shrugging. "Also, don't have the money for one, either."
His friend laughs heartily, and knocks the ash off from his cigarette. "Funny, isn't it? I got no kids, but a wife, and you got kids and no wife. But we're happy anyways, aren't we?"
And Gintoki laughs with him, but something about it rings hollow.
-x-
Maybe it's the fact that everybody around him - strangers and friends alike - are getting paired up, but Sakata Gintoki is fucking sick of it. Or maybe, he thinks, as he walks into a convenience store, it's the friggin' Valentines Day shtick he's got to deal with every single year with no honey, or chocolate, whether it be honmei or giri kind.
Out of boredom, he flips through the pornos in broad daylight, not giving a fuck whether the general public were judging him or not. There's nothing particular interesting on display, so eventually he reaches for the last copy of JUMP -
- and his hand accidentally clashes with Hattori Zenzou's, who coincidentally is there.
At the same damn convenience store.
Today, of all days.
"Saw it first," Gintoki says automatically.
"Have it," the ninja shrugs.
"I will, thanks," Gintoki snaps at him, a little bit grouchier than usual. Then, after on further reflection, he pauses.
The last time Zenzou had allowed him to take the last copy, they'd been on a failed mission to save the Shogun. It had saved him from being impaled in the chest.
So instead he just picks up the copy and reluctantly hands it to the ninja.
"I changed my mind," Gintoki says abruptly, and the ninja gives him a small smile, tugging at the corner of his lips. "Happy Valentine's Day, asshole."
He's halfway through the automatic doors before Zenzou calls out his name.
"Wait... Want some company? You look like you could use some."
-x-
Gintoki doesn't actually know why the hell a happily taken man is taking him to the Hokuto Shinkan on this particular day, but he's not complaining.
"Shouldn't you be, I dunno, domming for a certain somebody right now? If I know her well enough - and I think I do - she's going to throw a fit if you're not around her." He scans the menu idly, and notices the soba going for a paltry 500 yen.
"She's on a mission, actually. So I guess the two of us are bachelors for today," Zenzou remarks. "She did make you these, though."
He slides Gintoki a box wrapped in some frilly paper. He picks up the package, detects the faint whiff of chocolate, and curls his nose.
"Jesus. What are you, a cuck?"
"Think whatever you like." The ninja isn't rising up to the bait, which proves to Gintoki that love is a crock of shit and a chemical dependence that strips away everything that makes a man, a man.
Ikumatsu comes over to the two of them. "What'll it be, boys?"
"Your most expensive," Gintoki says automatically, like he always does when someone's paying for him, and Zenzou doesn't even object. She raises an eye, but nods.
"Shio ramen for me," the ninja adds, and pours himself a glass of ice-cold water. "You realize that I have a job with the Bakufu, right? And even if I didn't, I could easily afford ten of these ramen bowls."
"Please. Spare me your theatrics," Gintoki grumbles. "I don't know why you're so proud of being such a richy rich. Just because Daddy gave you a ninja clan or two to lead after he died doesn't make you better than anyone else."
"Hey, in this era of peace, that's what we call job security. I'm just glad I'm not made redundant." Hattori is again, unfazed by Gintoki's jibes.
"Why are you being so nice, hmmm? Is there something I should be on the lookout for?" In the background, Ikumatsu is chopping up vegetables for her upcoming orders, and he can smell the familiar, musky scent of broth and garlic oil, carried by the broth steaming up in little clouds behind the booth.
"To be honest with you, I also got sick of planning a wedding," Hattori confesses. "She's a Bridezilla from hell. The other day we were comparing colors. Egg-shell versus porcelain white - who the fuck cares?"
"You knew what you were getting into," Gintoki says, smirking a bit. "Although, this Cupid is spending the day, alone, with a box of pity chocolates," he grumbles, and fiddles around with the chopsticks.
Despite popular belief and his general apathy towards all things pink, romantic, and girly, Gintoki actually does enjoy playing the role of matchmaker from time to time. He's still working on convincing Zura into making his first move towards the owner of the restaurant he's sitting inside. That doesn't mean the schadenfreude inside him doesn't exist, though - there's a part of him that's rather gleeful with his friend's misfortune.
The ninja sighs. "You're right. But like they say - you gotta take the good with the bad."
"Can't believe you see much good," Gintoki says.
To his surprise, Zenzou laughs. "You probably wouldn't get it. But hey, whatever you did, I'm glad you finally convinced her to give up on you. Which was great, because I thought she always put you on a pedestal that you never wanted to be on."
Something about that sort of hurts, but then Ikumatsu sets down a steaming bowl of ramen in front of him, and all is forgiven. The phrase "one man's trash is another's treasure" comes to mind, and he supposes even garbage needs a place to settle down, too.
"My house does feels quieter," Gintoki admits, and breaks apart his chopsticks in two. "Itadakimasu."
They're not that different, him and Hattori.
It's halfway through the meal, while he's chewing over a piece of chashu that he finally identifies the feeling that's been niggling at the back of his head.
Jealousy.
-x-
Gintoki wasn't sure if he'd ever fallen in love before, or anything close to that. Certainly, there'd been bouts of infatuation that went nowhere back when he'd been a much younger man, woefully inexperienced with the member of the opposite sex. But there was never quite the right person for him, nobody to turn to in that way. Not when there were wars to be fought, people to be saved, and friends to protect. And even when that part of his life had been over, his heart had been broken in ways that even the worst unrequited love could never hold a candle to. For a while, he'd been treading water for so long that even the smallest part of him that might have wanted intimacy had been completely extinguished for years, well and truly.
And yet, he wasn't looking for physical intimacy, per se... but there were times where he'd been curious of what it would be like. To have someone to hold close, to trust in. To be able to shoulder his fears and his worries without being afraid of them eventually going away. Being alone and trapped in his own self-hatred for so long had made it a fantasy out of reach. His first instinct was to push people away, so much that he'd made a habit of it over the last decade.
Please don't get close to me.
He wouldn't say it so much as to act on it.
Please don't get close to me, because then I'll be afraid of losing you.
"Paako, we've missed you." A deep voice boomed behind him, and Gintoki was startled for a moment, nearly knocking over his drink. His Campari remained solid in its glass though, perspiring from its chilled contents. "What is a dashing young man such as yourself doing, all alone on Valentine's Day?"
"I'm not alone," he snapped. "I'm here with a fugly girl connoisseur." He jerked his thumb towards Hattori, who was looking suspiciously too happy getting his drink poured by Agomi.
Mademoiselle Saigou grinned. "And pray tell, what is the hero who saved Edo doing at our humble establishment? I have a few girls who'd be more than happy to escort you around Kabuki-chou for today, if you wish."
"I would rather chew on glass than see myself in public with the likes of those she-beasts - ARGH!"
The cross-dresser dunks Gintoki's face straight into the ice bucket, tutting in womanly disapproval. "Such ungratefulness! Who was there, when you couldn't even pay your rent?"
The ninja sitting across them chuckled, taking a sip of his bourbon whiskey. "Don't worry about us, madam. He gets these mysterious bouts in the Gintama openings where it looks like he's thinking deep thoughts while the rest of us only get split-second cameos. He's the world's worst emo, but he doesn't even have a Sharingan to compensate for it."
Gintoki lifted his face out of the bucket, scowling, and chucks an ice cube at Hattori. To his annoyance, the ninja catches it without batting an eye, dropping it neatly into his drink. Tch.
"I'll have you know that because of me, we're in the top five slots at any given time for the greatest anime of all time." He wiped his face and flicked the icy water off his fingers. "Look it up - it's on myanimelist."
"Well, that's true. If someone isn't spamming with bots because they're butthurt Punter x Punter isn't ahead of our shitty series, it's all fine and dandy." Zenzou takes a sip of his whiskey, amused at Gintoki's retort.
"Say what you must. I'm not responsible for those neckbeards," he responds with as much dignity as he can muster.
Saigou surveys the scene and leaves without a word. Gintoki sips his Campari in peace until the other Jouishishi patriot returns with a bucket of ice. Chilled inside is a bottle of Dom Perignon.
"On the house, Paako-chan. We thought we'd never see you again."
It's an unexpectedly generous gift.
"Thanks," Gintoki says, and Saigou pops the bottle, careful not to let any champagne spill out while Agomi lines the glasses on the table.
The motley crew finishes the bottle in no time, and Gintoki, used to being inhibited, doesn't hesitate to call the for more drinks. His companion grumbles, but fishes his wallet out anyway, and they drink and drink until the moon comes out, right until the establishment kicks the two of the JUMP enthusiasts out.
He's effervescent, but that's only on the surface. In midst of the frivolity, there's a prominent, painfully intrusive thought that interrupts his momentary oblivion, willfully ruining his determination to be happy again and again.
What am I doing here? What am I doing with my life?
-x-
Summer. The weather made him lethargic, and all he ever wanted to do was to eat cold strawberries, chilled in the refrigerator. Their fan desperately needed replacing, but so far, no jobs had come by in a while, although no one would have complained for now. The heat was oppressive.
The phone rings with its incessant blare. Gintoki had been lying on his couch with a copy of Shonen Jump Weekly over his face, eyes closed and desperately willing for it to be over.
After the fifth ring, he can't take it anymore. "Oi, Patsuan. Answer the damn phone."
Shinpachi does after giving Gintoki some smart-alecky retort. He tunes him out, only registering a faint murmuring in the background until the boy sets down the telephone.
"Who was it?"
"Hinowa-san. She wanted to know if we wanted to go on a beach excursion with her family."
Kagura had been lounging in front of the fan, and upon hearing the news, sat up excitedly. "We should totally go. It's hot here, Gin-chaaaaan... "
Gintoki didn't want to go.
He'd had another nightmare last night, and he was sure that the sun would just exacerbate how poorly he'd been feeling a while. He felt unusually frail, his nerves frazzled.
"I can't do it," he said. "Too hot for me to move."
"But it'd be nice to cool off in the water," Shinpachi said. "Besides, what else would you be doing?"
"I wouldn't be arguing with you lot," Gintoki grumbled. "You guys can go ahead. Take Sadaharu. I'll tell them I'm sick and can't go."
Shinpachi went back to the phone, and Gintoki tuned him out again, the soft murmurings almost lulling him back to his nap, right before he returned.
"She says she'll pay us our daily rate if we go."
"Fine," Gintoki snaps.
-x-
Coming back here feels strange. There's a small bit of nausea in Gintoki's stomach, and it intensifies when he remembers the last time he was here - Tokugawa Shigeshige, in his earnest determination to understand the commoners, playing a twisted game of water polo with the girls. What an innocent time it'd been, he muses to himself.
He pushes that thought aside though, especially with another person walking towards him.
Tsukuyo is still wearing her orange hoodie over her black bikini, but probably the most infuriating thing about her outfit is the fact that she's wearing the ugliest pair of sandles he's ever seen on a woman.
"What the fuck are those," Gintoki points out, a look of disgust. Meanwhile, in his peripheral vision, he can spot a couple of lechers checking her out, and makes a mental note to accidentally crash into them on the water slide.
"They're Crocz," she says defensively. "They're really comfortable, especially for water parks like these. Plus, you can put accessories on them, if ya want." He looks at her shoes again and notices a couple of kunai charms stuck in the holes of her sandals.
"What are you, seven years old?"
She crosses her arms, miffed. "They're comfortable! Plus, I'm not tha one who's got a friggin' pool noodle. Even Seita doesn't need one of those ta swim anymore."
"Pool noodles are great! You don't have to blow them, they're cheap to buy, and they're - "
"Hey, you two, stop arguing," Shinpachi says cajolingly, as if he's not wearing a similar abomination of Otsuu printed board shorts. "We should at least cool down before picking a fight with each other."
The two adults stare at him, and Gintoki has to reassess his opinion again. "True, I just saw something even more pathetic," he says, but Patsuan - who conveniently has gotten into a bad habit of ignoring what Gintoki has to say these days - turns his head and waves. "Hinowa-san! Hey!"
The former courtesan makes her way towards them, dressed in a one-piece swimsuit and beach wrap, carrying a bag of drinks and snacks in one hand; she grips her cane in the other. Seita is walking next to his mother, wearing flip flops, scuba diving masks, and a duck shaped floatie.
"Well, look who's learned how ta blow up his floatie," Tsukuyo teases him, and ruffles Seita's hair affectionately. "Guess it's not my job anymore, eh?"
"Tsukuyo-nee, not everyone is as strong as you," Seita complained, breaking free of her hand. "Anyways, I'mma go jump in, okay? Bye!"
He cannonballs into the deep end right after kicking off his shoes, and Tsukuyo rolls her eyes. "Boys. I swear, the minute you take an eye off 'em... "
"Oi, wait for me, Seita!" Kagura shrieks, and once she finishes tying her hair up in a bun, runs right after him and does the same thing, but with more force that the water catapults and splashes all of them.
"Don't run in the swimming pool, brats!" Gintoki calls out, irritated. "You'll trip and drown."
Hinowa chuckles, and sits down at the table, unpacking the drinks. "Tsukki, I got you your green tea. And Gin-san... strawberry milk, was it?"
"Thanks," he says gruffly, and without taking his eyes off Kagura, opens the carton expertly. Shinpachi joins them, but unlike the others, he takes the pool stairs, dipping more gracefully into the water in order to protect his glasses from getting wet.
"Kagura-chan has grown so lovely over the years," Hinowa says wistfully. "I know a few girls who'd give anything to have hair that color."
"Absolutely not. That tomboy who could spit as far as I could throw a baseball? You must be joking."
"It's true," Tsukuyo confirmed. "When I first saw her, I could barely recognize who she was. I said, ah, that can't be Kagura-chan, right? But then her voice gave it away."
"Really? That unfortunate, no sex-appeal heroine?" Gintoki scowls. "Maybe you guys ought to go see an eye doctor."
"Don't need ta. Yer just in denial," the blonde said, smirking a bit as she unscrewed the cap of her green tea. "Soon, maybe she'll even walk down the aisle, eh? And you'll be her happy father, thankin' her new groom because ya won't have to feed her anymore - "
"Please stop," Gintoki said, resigned, hands pressed over his face. "I will give you 300 yen if you stop right now."
She gives him a grin that reaches her eyes. "Do you even have any pocket change to spare?"
Wordlessly, he takes out his wallet, and fishes out three one-hundred coins, pushing them in her direction. She scoops them up, smirking and deposits them neatly into Hinowa's hand. "That's enough for a Grape Pocari, I think."
"I'll get Seita one of those, then," the former courtesan says, and lifts her cane. "You two can keep an eye on the children, right?" She winks at Gintoki as she rises from her seat, but he's not really sure what that's supposed to imply.
"'Course," Tsukuyo says, though her voice is a bit strained and there's the faintest pink hue on her cheeks. Once Hinowa's out of earshot, she mutters under her breath, "Wouldn't want 'em to drown, like this loser."
"Not my fault that I can't swim!" Gintoki snaps back. "Long ago, somebody pushed me off the cliff while we were smashing watermelons - how was I supposed to get over that trauma! Try learning how to swim when you can't see anything... "
His voice trails off and somehow, the world slows down. Freezes.
Tsukuyo starts to say something, but her voice trails off once she clocks in his expression.
Who was it... that person?
The sensation of prickling sun gathers at the back, and all of a sudden, he's not in the pool anymore. They're somewhere on the cliffs near Hagi, where the air is sweet and the sound of waves from the ocean are crashing relentlessly against the rocky shore.
There's laughter.
Takasugi is snickering from somewhere behind him, still young, still mischievous, still viciously alive with his green eyes sparkling in mirth. He's egging him on. No, you idiot, the watermelon's on the left - no, not that far, and wait - watch out! Hey! Gintoki!
He falls into the cliff, right into the water.
He can't see.
He can't breathe.
He can't do anything -
Something's touching him.
Who is it? What is it?
Where is he?
He's terrified, and rises up, unsteadily from his seat. He nearly trips once his leg hits part of the bench, causing him to stumble.
I need to get out of here, he thinks. Run. There's the irrational racing of the heart, the thought of I am going to die. I am about to die. If I don't get out of here I am going to die and no one is going to -
"Gintoki," a voice says. A firm shake on his shoulder.
He blinks.
"Breathe," she says calmly. "Breathe."
-x-
He'd like to explain to her that he was just distracted, but her eyes are too understanding. It makes him want to vomit, so he excuses himself to go to the bathroom, with trembling hands and legs, and pukes the rest of his lunch up in the toilet.
He shouldn't have come here today.
She doesn't bring it up once he's returned to reality, white and shaking, but there's a bottle of water and a packet of gum waiting for him on the table. He spots her in the pool, smiling at Seita, but gives him a look of concern when she sees him coming back. Hinowa comes back to the table with snacks for everybody, and doesn't see anything out of the ordinary. The day proceeds smoothly, and he pretends, for everyone else's sake that he is fine, that he's not a completely unhinged lunatic, that he's enjoyed the excursion as a break from the ridiculous heat of the day.
"I'll see you next Monday, then?" Tsukuyo asks, when the two families part ways, and he doesn't even answer. When he doesn't say anything, she just gives him a sad smile, as if she's expected that.
He doesn't want to see her ever again.
- tbc
a/n: Reference to Gintoki smashing a watermelon is in the episode where Matako, who has been searching for Takasugi for over two years, is talking to Hanpeita in the SSA arc.