1. Hold my beer real quick…
An unknown user has been sending me messages for days now.
When I signed up for this page, I thought it will have more users than this. The number of them didn't rise up to my expectations at all, considering the few accounts I found – I was a little disappointed. I thought I finally found something exciting, but I quickly got bored again with the posts.
Unknown people shared all kinds of research, not the everyday kind. Mythical objects, legends, lost, old treasures and adventures... these kinds of things. I read all of them. At the beginning I was excited and curious, but I quickly got bored again. What's the purpose of reading them if I can't even experience them? It's easy to sit before the screen, but not the same with going for a world-tour, for example. And I wanted an adventure.
I had exactly one month till the german language exam, and two weeks till finishing this school year. I was buried under my tasks and lessons, and in the evenings I wanted to be free of them.
And then I got a message from twobeerornottwobeer12. It wasn't exactly a "science-like" name. At the same time I should just shut up with my coffeekeepsmysoulinme03, I know. What? I like long usernames, so just shh! I got a compliment for it on Reddit, and anyone that says my name sucks is a liar.
In the beginning we had just small talk, which turned into many hours of discussing all kinds of things we could come up with – except our personal lives. At least so far.
Alcoholic: say, aren't you bored? I could die for a little action nowadays…
Caffeine: haha, what kind?
Alcoholic: the best kind of course.
Caffeine: I realllly hope you aren't flirting with me now.
Alcoholic: ew, girl, I have standards. Of course not.
Caffeine: best compliment of my life.
Alcoholic: I try. Under „action" I meant the „crossing dimensions" or „going on a trip the size of the planet" kind. I need something to help with these grey Mondays and Tuesdays. Don't you?
Caffeine: yeah, I mean, I have my portal in the backyard ready for anything, why not?
Alcoholic: work on your sarcasm, please.
Caffeine: I was close this time :(
Alcoholic: sure you were. And you will hop in and travel all the way to One Piece too, right?
Caffeine: anything for you and my loves.
Alcoholic: yeah, yeah, you can absolutely do that and it will be awesome.
Caffeine: ya don't believe me? Ya testing me and ma capability of doing whatever the heck I want?
Alcoholic: I don't have to, you are a chicken. You can't do it. Of course, the factor that it's impossible plays a huuuge part in this opinion.
Caffeine: yeah? Well hold my beer real quick, bitch!
And just like that, frustrated and pumped with adrenaline, I, being an idiot, went out to my backyard. But hey, I just wanted to shoot a picture of my grass and draw a purple portal on it so I could send that shit to that brat with a "bye, bitch" sign. We would've laughed for five minutes and then would've went on with our day.
My foot touched the green grass, and after that moment, I started to fall down.
I was far, far away from the ground, far away from the grey Mondays and Tuesdays. While I was falling, poison-green eyes started to glow in the dark, and a small smirk came across a boy's face.
Alcoholic: 'kay, let's see what you really are capable of. You all rise to the bait so quickly, it's like child's play, hahaha. I bet all my savings on you dying on your journey though. Sorry.
- 10 minutes (a coffee break) later -
I wanted to remain in the dark, in the peaceful and quiet void a little more. It was relaxing. A little too relaxing...
Until I felt a weak pressure on my face, as if someone's hand touched me there. At first it was gentle, like a loving family member, who wanted to wake me up. I didn't want to wake up though... so I raised my numb hand with a growl and slapped the foreign body part away. I heard a surprised little gasp.
And then something in the air changed.
Suddenly every part of me started to scream DANGER, with all capital letters. The hair was standing on my back and I started to panic. I became a pray. Before I could open my eyes, that was all I heard:
"Bwahahahaha, so you're awake, brat!"
Then he swung his fist, and I pulled aside my head from the place I rested with the speed of lightning. On the floor, where I was lying a second ago, was now a deep, deep hole. What the...!
I immediately got up from the wooden floor and started to scan my surroundings. My eyes came across with a lot of blue around me. Slowly, a shadow started to grow before me. I froze. I started to raise my head with slow movements. Very slow movements. I looked at the person standing above me with trembling legs and arms. I didn't want to believe my eyes.
"Garp-san, sir, she just woke up! Is it really a good idea to...", the white-clothed man pointed at me. A marine, my mind whispered. Monkey D. Garp started to grin, and at the same time, all the blood left my face when I heard the name.
"Bwahahahaha, she'll be alright, the brat is strong-willed!", his grin became wider.
Honestly, what the fuck is this?! Obviously not a cosplay competition, because ain't no way in hell there exists a person who can punch this hard! And the blue stuff around me... is it the sea? The frickin' ocean?
No. Noooo, no. Hell naw.
…
That fucking alcoholic!
"What's the angry face for, brat?", asked Garp. I was a little more relaxed after he didn't raise his fist again.
I had to improvise, and quickly. This better be the best acting of my life.
"Where am I? Where's that bastard?", I asked loudly and started to look around the ship.
The marines started to wonder what I was talking about with curious expressions. I didn't know what to expect from Garp, but I had to try. The tension in the air grew with each passing second. Why isn't he speaking? The only thing that is missing is-
"Ah, the girl is awake, Garp?", came out of the room Sengoku himself, the Fucking Buddha, munching on a bag of biscuits. A bag of fucking biscuits. Just beautiful. Doesn't God love me?
I almost dropped my act, but the many years I had to deal with my classmates helped a great deal to stay in my role.
"Yeah, but I don't know who she's talking about", said the Marine hero, and... and then started to poke his nose. "You're in East Blue, brat. Almost at the entrance of the Grand Line."
And boy, was I surprised.
"Oh?", Sengoku raised his eyebrows. I gulped and realized he will be dealing with the "information gathering" from now on.
So, people. What is a basic rule when it comes to lying and escaping? You have to direct the attention to something bigger, something more important than yourself. I didn't have much information, but I could play with what little I had. I just had to play my cards right. East Blue. Grand Line. And I just made a man up, wonderful. How could I possibly make this situation better? What do the marines need, what kind of bait?
I rubbed my arm like it was sore from earlier and I started the show.
"Fucking bastard with his fucking ancient language and stones..."
And just like that, two pairs of eyebrows were raised.
I'm fucking brilliant.
"What did you say exactly? What stones?", asked Sengoku a little discomposedly. I gave myself a pat on the shoulder in my head.
"Not important, just take me home, please...", I sighed and sat down to the floor. I wanted to tease them a little.
Sengoku remained silent for a few seconds. Then he started again with a different approach.
"Say, what's your name?"
I had to think quickly. "Uh, I'm Rea. Nice to meet you." He gave me a little reassuring nod, but forgot to introduce himself. Maybe because my glorious acting skills are just this great!
"Your safety is the most important thing right now", came closer the Fleet Admiral. "Why don't you tell us what happened? We could be more helpful that way."
I examined him a little, but after a sigh, I started to tell my tale.
And oh boy, what a tale it was.
A story of a man with the name Allan D. Condoriano, who came into my hometown a few days ago, Syrup village. He had weird clothes, black, long hair in a ponytail, and something akin to a map in his hand all the time. Of course, my brother, Usopp and I were curious about him. We overheard his name in the bar. The next day I wanted to go fishing with my boat like I everyday did, but suddenly Condoriano got in and took me hostage. The village couldn't call the marines unless they wanted Condoriano to shoot me dead. So like that, we came out to see. I got a glimpse of his notes, which fell out of his bag. It was gibberish, or a code, I didn't know... maybe a whole different language. The only thing I could read was the title of the notebook. Something similar to...
"I don't know, maybe Pine... Poni, Pone... yeah, that, Poneglyph! The rest I couldn't understand, but that was the title. The notes were his own, I think", I wondered while looking at the beautiful sky. Honestly, I couldn't look Sengoku or Garp in the eyes after all this. I would've instantly broken into laughing my ass off.
What's the one thing that the Marines and the Government are crazy for? Someone who can read the ancient language. What's that one thing, which could be bigger and more important than this?
Someone, who could WRITE the ancient language. I'd bet my life on the fact that someone like this would instantly blow away Nico Robin's reputation. Condoriano is now a new player in the field, and he screams POTENTIAL DANGER to the whole world.
Sengoku's mouth was just as wide as Garp's.
Suddenly the atmosphere became more serious than I expected. I didn't know what else to do, I already played my part. Now it all depends on the marines.
And why wouldn't they believe me?
Not many know about the Poneglyphs. The ones who know what they are aren't weak little girls like me. I mean, I don't really have anything little on me, but hey! I'm still not 18. My story is believable, it doesn't matter that it's a pile of trash in the form of stupidity from my perspective. Everything comes together in it. It's so bad that Garp and Sengoku will eat it like dumb fish the bait. We aren't on the Grand Line, of course, but in one thing I'm sure: if in the world of One Piece something is normal, then that's definitely suspicious.
I asked if someone could bring me back to the island, but I didn't get an immediate answer. Garp and Sengoku went back to the cabin - why exactly ARE those two bigshots here? - and I remained alone with my two new bodyguards for the time being. Marine A and Marine B.
I leaned on the railing of the ship and started to observe the movements of the waves below me. It was quiet and relaxing. Peaceful. I needed these moments for myself, but... I had to wait. Just for a little more...
It turned out that I was really convincing. The Marines decided that it would be the best if Garp took me home. Deep down I was celebrating and mourning at the exact same time.
Celebrating the power behind my story and mourning Usopp's and my soul... Because that man and I are as good as dead if Garp realizes that I lied. What the heck will happen to poor Usopp if The Marine Hero just appears out of nowhere and bumps me next to him with the words "here's that idiotic sister of yours"?
Okay, let's just NOT panic. Maybe Usopp will faint from the shock... Or won't even be there, because he left with Luffy already! Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?
Slowly we arrived at Syrup village. I was a wrecking nerve through and through. I had just one chance at this. Please, God, if you are there, help me!
A boy with a long nose and three other kids was sitting at the side of the hill. He looked at us and his eyes became wider as I started to run to him.
"Nii-san!", I shouted and I hugged him with all my strength. I pushed my face into his neck for a little moral support. I needed the confidence, okay?! I was already exhausted!
Before he could ask anything, I whispered to him quietly:
"Please, just act a bit with me!"
Usopp became stiff, but I felt a little nod.
"So this is you brother, brat?"
Garp stood menacingly before us.
"Yes", I smiled at him. Usopp knew it was his turn. He probably didn't recognize Garp, if his proud back was anything to go by.
"Well of course it's me, the Great Usopp-sama! The best brother in the entire world!" At his words, Garp's eyes became darker with a shade. Uh-oh.
"Best brother in hell, hah! That's how you take care of your sister?!", he shouted and swung his fist. Again. Thanks to my good reflexes, Usopp can live another day. I saved him from a brutal death. Maybe the shock was getting to him, but as soon as he saw my pleading eyes - I don't know from where - he gained some sort of confidence and continued the acting, now a little more involved in the situation.
"Oh god, are you okay? I didn't see you for days! I didn't know what to do!"
He started to check me for injuries and thank God, our acting started to become more credible.
"I'm okay, Usopp", I smiled at him gently. If he was surprised that I knew his name, he didn't show it. After this, I looked at Garp. He had a serious expression on his face. Maybe he was thinking about the man - Condoriano. Man, I love that name, hehe. Honestly, this is the greatest success of my life. I should get a Nobel award. Seventeen years old girl tricks the Marine Hero and the Fleet Admiral. Genius. This belongs in the newspaper.
...
Or not. Forget this thought.
Anyway, Garp said some words to my "brother", and then left with his ship. He didn't question the villagers about Condoriano, because Sengoku called him back immediately.
I stood there with Usopp at the side of the road as I watched the back of the leaving Garp. My eyes and limbs were tired. Usopp wanted to ask something, but then the first tear started to run down my face. Finally. Fucking finally, I could let it all out.
I started to cry, then and there. I crumbled into myself and couldn't stop the hiccups and the tears. Usopp didn't say anything, just gave me worried glances. At least he didn't start to panic as I expected. At the end, he just put his hand on my shoulder and started to rub my back for support. We sat there like this: crying and watching the back of the receding ship.