Web Head 987: I know why I want that but I'm not sure yet if I'm going that route. And even If I was, given their age, it's unlikely that Clint or Nat would have known about his parent's.
Guest: When I first say your review, I laughed. Thank you for that. I might just do that.
The next morning, Valkyrie arrived in the chamber, kicking a guard's weapon for fun. Hulk raised his hammer as he greeted her. She rushed over to him, avoiding his hammer and kicked him on the back, making him fall down.
"The Hulk's acting like a big kid," Peter noted with surprise.
"I guess in a lot of ways, he is one," Steve mused.
She laughed, asking what was going on until Thor revealed himself. She angrily said he was really thick-headed if he didn't get how someone who was hiding across the other side of the Universe wanted to be left alone. Thor said they needed to talk but she wasn't interested and started to walk out. Thor told Hulk wanted her to stay so Hulk ripped off a piece of his bed and threw it in her way, telling her to stay and adding 'please' as Thor said 'please' too.
"Well that was a little extreme," Scott said.
"That's Hulk for you," Tony shrugged.
Valkyrie picked up a drink and said she'd listen to him until this was finished. She started drinking as Thor tried explaining Asgard was in danger and they needed her help but she finished her drink and dropped it, walking off, to Thor's shock.
"Whoa," Thor said as they all stared in shock.
"Even I couldn't do that back when I was partying," Tony said.
"She puts a Russian to shame," Natasha noted.
Thor said Odin was dead and she stopped as he said Hela the Goddess of Death had invaded Asgard. Valkyrie said if Hela had invaded Asgard it was already lost but Thor said he was going to stop her. She asked if it was just him and Thor said, "Nope. I'm putting together a team. It's me, you, and the big guy." Hulk was playing with a huge ball and said, "No. No team. Only Hulk." Thor said, "It's me and you." Valkyrie said, "I think it's only you."
"You are really bad at this Thor," Rhodey said.
Thor shrugged, seeming unconcerned and everyone eyed him, sensing that they were missing something.
She walked away but Thor stepped in her way, begging her to listen and said Valkyrie were Elite legendary warriors of Asgard and was sworn to defend the throne. Valkyrie said she wasn't going to be part of any more family squabbles as Hela's power came from Asgard. When she had grown beyond Odin's control, she had massacred everyone in the palace for the throne. Odin banished her and, when she tried to escape, Odin had sent the Valkyrie to fight her back. She had survived but is clearly holding something back.
Natasha narrowed her eyes at this. Being someone who was haunted by traumatic experiences in her past, she was able to recognize that Valkyrie was cut from the same cloth as her.
That had been when Valkyrie had believed in the throne and it had cost her everything. And that was what was wrong with Asgard, she said as she tried to walk out.
"She's not wrong," Thor said with a grimace. "It's why I turned down the throne."
"When we return, you can change that," T'Challa said as he placed a hand on Thor's shoulder. "We cannot be defined by our father's mistakes. We must not."
"Aye," Thor said after a moment, a fire entering his eyes. "I will. For the sake of all people in all realms, I will."
Thor tried to stop her but she put her knives on his throat, telling him not to get familiar. Thor put them down and said he agreed with her. It was why he had turned down the throne but this was about the people who were dying and they were her people too. She pushed him off and told him to forget it like she had. Thor agreed before thanking her. She asked for what and he lifted the remote of the Obedience Disk, saying for this and that she hadn't seen that coming.
"You never expected her to help you, you wanted the remote," Natasha realized as they all turned to Thor, impressed.
"Not bad," Clint said impressed.
"I have picked up a few tricks from you two over the years," Thor said with a smirk.
Thor then pressed the remote and the Obedience Disk came off.
"And now that that infernal device is off me, it is well past time for me to, what do you say on this planet, make a break for it," Thor said.
Thor said she could stay here enslave more people for the lunatic and drink and hide but he chose to run towards his problems and not away from them. Hulk threw him the ball and he threw it at the window, "Because that's what he-" He was cut off when the ball bounced back and hit his head, making him fall down.
"Oh come on!" Thor cried, embarrassed as everyone else laughed at him.
"Another epic fail!" Scott laughed as Thor sighed.
Thor got back up and said, "Because that's what heroes do."
"Damn right," Clint said, all of agreeing with that.
He then leapt out of the window, shattering it and then leapt down via buildings before landing in the city as Hulk roared, "Friend stay!"
"Aw, he doesn't want you to go," Scott said sadly.
"I have to save my people," Thor said even as he felt a little regretful.
"He must be lonely there though," Peter noted and it as silent as they all considered Hulk.
"Once we return, I will bring him back," Thor promised.
Thor ran through Sakaar, eventually finding the Quinjet. He opened the hatch and jumped inside. He walked up to the front, finding all systems were still working and put his hand on a pad. The automation asked him for voice recognition and he said 'Thor', only for access to be denied. He then said 'Thor, son of Odin' but was told access denied. He tried 'God of Thunder' and access was denied again so he said 'Strongest Avenger' twice in different ways but access was denied both times. "Damn you Stark," Thor said in frustration.
"Come on, did you really think I'd make it that easy? What if Loki came back and impersonated you?" Tony pointed out at Thor's look. "Had to be something personal that only you would know."
Thor then said 'Point Break' and access was granted.
"Why am I not surprised?" Thor asked in exasperation.
"Because Tony has the maturity of a twelve year old," Rhodey said and Tony shot him a betrayed look. "Hey, you know it's true."
Then Hulk arrived, ripping open the back of the Quinjet and asking Thor to stay as he entered the Quinjet, breaking more of the Quinjet with Thor telling him to stop.
"Damn it!" Thor swore as they all tensed.
"You cannot seem to catch a break in this movie," Scott noted.
"Tell me about it," Thor grumbled.
Thor pressed some buttons in an attempt to start the Quinjet and then Natasha's face appeared. It was the recording of when she had asked Hulk to turn the Quinjet around after Ultron's defeat. Seeing that, Hulk started slapping himself and contorted violently, his skin color alternating between green and normal as Hulk and Banner fought for control. His body kept shrinking or enlarging until he shrunk down finally and was of human size again.
Natasha appeared emotionless as everyone shot her concerned looks. However, they wisely chose to let sleeping dogs lie. Whatever was happening with her right now was her business.
Thor went towards Banner who was startled but Thor calmed him down, saying 'sun was getting real low' and he wouldn't hurt him anymore. Bruce finally recognized Thor and asked what had happened to his hair, to which he said a creepy old guy had cut it off. Bruce said he liked it and Thor thanked him.
"You should cut it like that, it looks good," Natasha said as he glanced over at Thor.
"Thank you," Thor said.
Bruce asked where they were and if the others were okay, asking about Sokovia and if they had saved it. Thor then gently told him that it was 3 years ago, shocking him as he realized he had been Hulk for 3 years.
"So then this is two years into the future," Wanda mused.
"It seems so," Vision agreed.
Bruce took off the huge garlands Hulk used to wear and touched the pad and accessed via voice recognition, with the automation calling him 'Strongest Avenger' to Thor's annoyance.
"You did that just to annoy me, didn't you?" Thor deadpanned as Tony laughed.
"No but it worked out great!" Tony said as he laughed.
Thor and Bruce then saw footage of Hulk being sucked out of the Quinjet. Bruce asked Thor where they were when a hologram of Grandmaster appeared on the streets, saying his beloved Champion had gone missing and everyone must take to the streets to celebrate him. Thor told Bruce he ran the place and that Bruce had lived in his house for a while, shocking him again as Thor said a lot had happened to them. They had had a fight and Thor had won easily though Bruce didn't think it sounded right.
"I would have won if the fight wasn't rigged!" Thor snapped.
"We know Thor," Steve assured him.
"I imagine you'll get your chance in a fair fight soon," T'Challa said and Thor smirked.
"Indeed," Thor agreed.
Grandmaster said the seductive Lord of Thunder had stolen away his champion and Thor angrily said it was seductive God of Thunder as he moved to the bags in the ship as Bruce looked on the verge of a panic attack. Bruce then said he was freaking out and Thor told him not to, giving him Tony's clothes and saying Tony wasn't here when Bruce asked. He then massaged Bruce's shoulders as he led him out, constantly saying 'sun's getting real low.'
"If you keep doing that, you're just gonna annoy him," Rhodey pointed out and Thor grimaced.
"Which would be bad," Thor acknowledged.
At the palace, Loki and Valkyrie were brought before Grandmaster who was upset his champion was gone. Loki interrupted him and Grandmaster called him out on it as Topaz handed him the melt stick but he said interrupting wasn't a capital violation.
Grandmaster said his champion was missing because of the Lord of Thunder, blaming them because he was Loki's brother and Valkyrie had brought him Thor. Loki said he could bring them both back alive within 12 hours. Valkyrie said she could do it in 2 and Loki said he could do it in 1.
"Are they seriously competing for this guy's favor?" Sam asked in disbelief.
"On a world such as this, it is probably wise to be in favor of the person in charge," Vision noted.
Grandmaster said he had woken up in the morning dreaming of public execution but was gonna settle for 'who's gonna get him first', moving weirdly.
"This guy really is a creep," Scott said as they all eyed the screen disturbed.
Grandmaster dismissed them and the two walked out as Loki asked what Valkyrie had done. She said she didn't answer to him and called him lackey.
"Lackey?!" Tony exclaimed as they all laughed.
"Oh god, that is never going away!" Rhodey said with a laugh.
He grabbed her wrist and said it was Loki and she would answer to Grandmaster. She freed her wrist, smirking as Loki pulled out a knife, asking why she had helped them escape and she said she didn't help anyone as she pulled out her own knife.
"No kidding," Thor grumbled.
The two ended up fighting for a bit and she staggered him back. She smirked before they fought again as Loki noticed the mark on her arm and realized she was a Valkyrie. She kicked him down and he hit the wall, saying he'd thought they had all died gruesome deaths. She angrily placed her foot on his chest, slamming his back against the wall as she told him to choose his next words wisely. He sarcastically apologized, saying it must be a painful memory as he touched her forehead and her mind flashed back to the fight against Hela. She and several other Valkyries flew on flying horses to attack Hela but she threw Necroswords and killed them all. Valkyrie continued to fight on but Hela threw a large Necrosword at Valkyrie but another one stepped in the way and died instead.
Everyone was silent as they considered what Valkyrie had been through. To lose friends, family even, was obviously an incredibly traumatic experience. They all felt their sympathy go out to Valkyrie. Steve especially, having lost everyone he had grown up knowing, felt sympathy for Valkyrie.
Coming back to the present, Valkyrie angrily knocked Loki away and punched him.
Thor and Bruce were wandering the streets, with the latter in Tony's clothes as the former kept saying 'sun's getting real low' until Bruce told him to stop saying that.
"Told ya," Rhodey said pointedly and Thor sighed.
They sat down as Thor said he wanted Bruce to stay calm but he was on an alien planet and had only been on one planet before. Thor said now it was 2 and it was a new experience as Bruce said his neurons were firing faster than his brain could handle. Till now, it was like he and Hulk each had a hand on a wheel but now it was like Hulk had taken the keys and locked him in the trunk.
"Seems pretty accurate," Scott noted.
Bruce said if he turned into Hulk again, he may not come back and now they were stranded on a planet designed to stress him out. Thor said they weren't and he'd find a way home so Bruce thanked him. Then Thor said his home Asgard, not Earth, shocking Bruce. Thor said his people were in great danger and the two had to fight a powerful being who also happened to be his sister. Bruce said that was gross and he doesn't want to get involved in a family issue.
"A family issue that will involve the entire cosmos if she is not stopped," Vision noted as they all tensed.
"I am not explaining it well," Thor sighed.
Thor again said she was an evil being but Bruce said he didn't care and didn't want to fight any more being as he was sick of it.
"It's understandable. He's spent the better part of the last ten years fighting to control the Hulk and failing. Now he'd just like to live in peace," Steve said as they all felt sympathy for Bruce.
"We don't always get what we want though," Clint noted.
Bruce again said he'd never come back if he turned into Hulk again but Thor said he was putting together a team and Hulk was the fire. Bruce turned away, saying Thor was using him to get to Hulk and wasn't his friend.
"You are being a jerk. And coming from me, that's saying something," Tony said.
"Well excuse me, but I'm desperate to stop my evil sister from slaughtering my people and ruling the cosmos!" Thor snapped.
Thor said he didn't even like Hulk who was all 'smash' but actually preferred Bruce.
"You realize he's heard that one before, right?" Natasha asked amused as Thor flushed.
"Hulk has, Banner hasn't," Clint pointed out.
Thor then said that to fight evil beings though, Hulk was more powerful and useful. Bruce said he was powerful as Hulk had zero PhDs while he had 7.
"He has seven PHDs? Awesome," Peter said in awe.
"Yes yes, it's very impressive but not what my people need right now," Thor grumbled.
Thor gave in, saying Bruce didn't have to fight anyone but were in danger so they needed to move. Thor then put on a shawl, saying he was a fugitive and needed a disguise.
"It's not a very good one," Wanda noted.
"Well it's all I have right now," Thor said with a sigh.
Bruce said he needed a disguise but Thor said he was the disguise. Bruce then put on Tony's glasses and said he'd be Tony Stark and they'd be like Tony and the Gypsy.
"Sounds like a sitcom from the eighties," Rhodey said as they all laughed.
"He can't be me. There can only be one of me. If there were two of me, the universe would explode from my awesomeness," Tony joked as the Avengers all gave a long suffering sigh at his antics.
"More like it couldn't handle more than one Tony Stark," Clint muttered.
Thor said he wasn't Tony but Bruce Banner so Bruce asked why he'd dressed him up like Tony and Thor pointed out he was naked.
"And thank you for that," Rhodey told Thor as they all looked a little green.
Bruce started tightening the pants and Thor tried to stop him as Bruce said Tony wore his pants really tight.
"I do not!" Tony protested as they all laughed. "I don't!"
"Sure Tony, we believe you," Rhodey said without an ounce of sincerity.
Thor asked why he was being so weird and Bruce said he'd been trapped inside of Hulk was 3 years so that had made him a little weird, his skin slowly turning green as he said that and his voice becoming guttural.
"You need to keep him calm," Vision noted.
"I hadn't noticed," Thor said sarcastically.
Thor calmed him down and said they'd go to Asgard and he'd never have to worry about Hulk ever again. Then a green powder hit Bruce in the face, making him cough as there was an entire procession for Hulk on the streets, with balloons and signs. Thor covered his face with the shawl as he spotted a guard and said this was bad before seeing Bruce was missing and started looking for him, calling out his name.
"That's what you call ironic," Scott said as Thor groaned.
"Just great," Thor grumbled.
Thor tried to look for Bruce and eventually found him but Bruce bumped into an alien who looked at him menacingly as it snarled at him.
"Shit," Clint said and Natasha swore in Russian as they all tensed.
Thor stepped protectively in front of Bruce when an Obedience Disk activated on the alien, knocking it out to reveal Valkyrie standing there.
"So now she's helping you?" Wanda asked confused.
"It would seem so," Thor said, looking as confused as her.
The two greeted each other as Thor said he was gonna do that and she said she did it first. She asked why he was still here and he said he got side-tracked. She asked about the shawl and he said it was his disguise. She said she could see his face and he covered it, saying now she couldn't.
"And I'm sure no one will notice the guy covering his face as they're searching for someone. Great job at blending in," Clint said sarcastically as Thor flushed.
Thor said her hair looked nice and asked if she'd changed or washed it. With an amused smile, she gestured them to follow her and led them to her apartment as Bruce asked what were those things on her eyes and said she was beautiful, courageous and strong.
"It appears that Dr. Banner has a crush," T'Challa noted.
The original Avengers looked over at Natasha, wondering if she'd react to that, but she didn't seem affected in the slightest. They weren't sure whether that was good or bad.
Valkyrie asked who he was and Thor said he was a friend. She said she felt like she knew him and he said he felt that too.
"Because they do," Scott said as several snickers broke out.
Valkyrie said she'd been trying to forget her past and Sakaar felt like the perfect place to drink, forget and die one day. Thor said she drank too much and that could probably kill her. She said she was still gonna drink but not forget and if she was gonna die, she might as well be driving her sword through that murderous hag.
"Well, looks like you finally got your team," Sam noted.
She said she wanted to be on the team and asked if it had a name. "Yeah, it's called the Revengers," Thor said. "Because I'm getting revenge. You're getting revenge."
"So original Point Break," Tony said sarcastically.
"Well I'm sorry that I've been more concerned with escaping than coming up with a team name," Thor said sarcastically as well.
Thor asked Bruce if he wanted revenge but he was undecided. Valkyrie said she had a peace offering and opened her apartment door. "Surprise," A chained Loki said.
"Ah revenge is sweet," Clint said gleefully as he smirked and Wanda and Natasha glanced at him amused.
Thor threw something at him and it hit his head, with Thor saying he needed to make sure as the three of them entered the room.
"A wise precaution," T'Challa noted and Thor shrugged.
"He's pulled that trick far too many times," Thor said simply.
"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it," Steve said and Thor nodded.
Loki greeted Bruce and Bruce said Loki was trying to kill everybody last time he had seen him and asked where he was at the moment, to which Loki said it varied moment to moment. Thor found a Dragonfang, the famed sword of the Valkyries, awing him.
"The Dragonfang," Thor said in awe. "I've always wanted to see it with my own eyes."
"Did I look that bad when we saw Wakanda?" Tony asked Rhodey in a whisper.
"Worse. At least he's not drooling," Rhodey said, laughing at the look on Tony's face.
Valkyrie said they could go out through a wormhole, refuel in Xandar and reach Asgard in 18 months but Thor said they were going through the big one, gesturing to the worm hole visible in the distance. Valkyrie said it was called the Devil's Anus.
"The Devil's Anus!" Tony exclaimed as they all laughed.
"Who the hell named it that?!" Scott asked as he laughed, almost rolling on the floor.
"Probably that idiot," Sam said as they all laughed even harder.
They laughed for several moments before managing to gain control of themselves. Once they did, Tony resumed the recording.
Thor said he didn't know it when he had picked that and Bruce said it looked like a collapsing neutron star on an Einstein-Rosen Bridge as he ate something. Valkyrie said they'd need another ship as this would tear hers to pieces and Thor said they needed one that could withstand the geodetic strain from the singularity. Bruce said it also needed an offline power steering system that could function without on board computers.
"Did you just hold a scientific conversation with Bruce?" Tony asked, looking shocked as Thor shrugged.
"Asgard is centuries beyond Earth. I may not be as fluent in the science as Banner, but I know more than you think," Thor said.
Valkyrie said they'd need one with cup holders because if they were gonna die, it better be while drinking. Bruce again said he felt like he knew her and she said she felt that too. Thor and Bruce fist-bumped, excited for the adventure. Loki tried to speak but Valkyrie threw a bottle near him and it shattered.
"She needs to rein in her excitement," Steve noted.
Loki said Grandmaster had many ships and he had stolen the access codes to his security system. Valkyrie joked how he was overcome with the urge to do the right thing but he said he had run out of favor with the Grandmaster and in exchange for codes and access to a ship, he was asking for safe passage through the Anus.
"How can he say that with a straight face?" Tony wondered.
"Knowing Loki, he's laughing on the inside," Thor noted.
Thor asked if he could get them inside without triggering the alarms and he said he could. Bruce takes Thor and Valkyrie aside and said Loki was ready to kill them a few minutes ago and Valkyrie said he had tried to kill her. Thor said he had tried to kill him too multiple times and told of one such story.
"There was one time when we were children, he transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So, I went to pick up the snake to admire it, and he transformed back into himself and he was like, "Yeah, it's me!" And he stabbed me. We were eight at the time," Loki smirked.
"Did that really happen?" Peter asked and Thor nodded.
"So even as a kid he was a lunatic," Clint muttered.
They said they needed to draw out the palace guards as Loki suggested unleashing the beast but Thor and Bruce shut him up and quelled Valkyrie's questions. Thor said they were going to start a revolution instead, to the confusion of Bruce and Valkyrie.
"I think I get where you're going with this. I like your style Point Break," Tony said as Thor smirked.
"Thank you Stark," Thor said simply.
In Grandmaster's prison, Korg and Miek sat together as the former inquired about the latter's secretions, asking if it was protoplasm or eggs and went with eggs.
"Ew!" Wanda exclaimed as they all looked disgusted.
"That's gross," Natasha said looking green.
"That's an understatement," Sam muttered.
Then the wall exploded and all the Obedience Disks deactivated as Valkyrie walked in holding a big gun, saying she was looking for Korg. Korg asked who was asking, asking if anyone else was asking. "The Lord of Thunder sends his best," She said as she tossed him the gun. "The revolution has begun," Korg said as he cocked the gun.
"Well, that's one way to draw them out," Steve said with a smirk.
"Things are about to get pretty difficult for the Grandmaster," Thor said with his own smirk.
Next chapter will cover the escape, and then the chapter after that will conclude Ragnarok.