AN: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews and to the new followers/readers. I really appreciate the support and so happy that you all are enjoying this story. Please let me know what you guys think! Even if you feel like Bucky is OOC or if this scene feels too rushed, just let me know... I will do my best to fix it. Happy reading everyone!

CHAPTER 15

Bucky looked back at Allie with curiosity as she stared back at him, suspiciously. "You're hiding something," she accused. "What are you not telling me?" He shamefully turned his head away from her and watched an older couple smile and admire each other. "Bucky?" His jaw tightened as he forced himself to look back at her and expected her to be irritated, instead, she scrutinized him with concern. "You can tell me anything," she reassured him.

He exhaled through his nostrils and leaned back in his chair. "I can't tell you, but -" he paused for a moment and stared at her. He didn't want to keep anything from Allie, but at the same time, he didn't want her to know how much of a monster he truly was.

"But, what?" she asked, calmly.

"I can show you," he said slowly.

"How?" she cocked her head to the side. "Show me what exactly?"

"Are you alone?" Bucky asked as he scanned the cafe.

"Of course."

He briskly sat from his chair and gently grabbed Allie's hand as he pulled her up from her seat. He then put the hood of her jacket over her head as he covered his face with a baseball cap. "Keep your head down until we cross the street," he whispered in her ear.

The warmth from his breath hit her earlobe and spread throughout her body. Her mouth was suddenly dry, which made it difficult to swallow. "Why?" she whispered back.

"Survalence. Let's go."

Allie cautiously walked on the damaged wooden floors as she observed the abandoned building Bucky had been living in for the past few months. It was dark, cold, lonely. He didn't even have a mattress, only a sleeping bag. And as for the toilet? There was none. Just a bucket that he kept in the corner of the room if that's what it was. "This is where you've been staying? Why?

"It's isolated," he quickly answered as he dug out a few notebooks from his backpack and flipped through a couple of pages.

"So, that's where my journals went," she smiled as she walked toward Bucky.

Without answering, or saying a word, Bucky stopped on a page and handed the journal to her. "What's this?"

"You told me that whenever you had dreams that you didn't understand, you wrote them down," he explained.

"So, you've been doing the same?" Allie beamed with pride then began to read the first few lines. She paused in her reading and shot her head up. "These are memories?"

"Yes," he answered.

Allie continued to read on as she slowly sat herself down on Bucky's 'bed' while he planted himself on the other side of the room and sat on the floor as he rested his back against the wall.

It wasn't until I left her when the nightmares got worse. Every memory is like a hot iron pressing against my skin, burning me. She told me it wasn't my fault, that HYDRA forced me to do it. But, I still did it. Now, it haunts me everytime I close my eyes. I've killed so many, mostly political or inspirational leaders, but there is one I can't seem to let go of. A woman, I never knew her name. It wasn't my mission to know, but it also wasn't my mission to kill her. I was meant to take a baby, no witnesses. But, the woman knew I was coming.

I remember climbing through the window, and the first thing I saw was a wooden crib. I heard footsteps and creaking from old stairs, so I hid to the closest thing to me, the closet. Someone entered the room.

"I know you're in here," a woman called out. "Masked man."

Next thing I remember, I pointed my pistol at the woman. I figured a gun would look sloppy, make it look like an amateur kidnapping.

"Please," she begged as she pressed her back against the crib and tears poured down her cheeks. "Please don't take my baby." She suddenly looked passed me, behind me. I turned my head to the side and found a boy, no older than ten, stare at me with wide eyes. I looked back at the older woman, who told the boy to run. I couldn't risk any more witnesses, so I decided to finish the job, once and for all.

"Oh my god," Allie gasped as she looked up at Bucky. "You killed my birth mother?" When he didn't answer her, she began to hyperventilate which turned into sobs. "Oh, my god."

He stood from his spot and slowly walked up to her. "This is why you need to stay as far away from me as you can. If anyone knew about us, they would use you against me. All they have to do is say those goddamn words."

She glared up at him, face covered in tears and snot dripping from her nose. "Is this why you brought me here? To push me away? Again? Why? Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Because I don't wanna hurt you, Allie!" He gave her a pained expression. "If I hurt you, I could never live with myself."

"Why?" she wanted to hear him say it.

"You know why?" He turned away from her.

Frustrated, she tugged on his arm with force and made him turn back around to face her. "Tell me."

He sighed.

"Please, just say it," she begged as she leaned into him.

He pressed his normal hand against her neck, warning her not to come any closer. Bucky peered down at her and stared into her almond shaped eyes then down to her plump, full lips. Subconsciously, he leaned in closer to her as his hand drifted down to her breast and pressed his lips against hers.