I forced myself to go round to my parents' house every once in a while. I knew that they, unlike me, could not just up and leave. They were actively cleaning up after my younger brother who only grew more wild.
He had friends with video cameras, and they pulled pranks on one another. My mom could not put her feet up, my dad could not relax in the shower, my older brother received a face full of flour while sleeping.
All this was put on TV.
I had just come back from a horse riding lesson out at Sunset Valley Farm. It calmed me to be with animals, and I would not compete in riding, but my mom had ridden a horse when she was younger, and she had shown me when I forced myself to keep in contact with her.
It hurt for me to stay away from family. And it was a different kind of hurt that was the relief of staying away.
One sunny day, sitting underneath the parasol on the porch of my parents house, I drank little of the jug of iced tea which my mom had made. I felt guilty that she still wanted to do things for me. I did not feel independent.
I would never lose weight. And at this rate, I could never save for a mortgage. I would have done better to stay home, where it was loud and unstable, and save a portion more of my wages.
It was just like the old days, to hear the neighbor's dog, and the lawn mower, and the occasional passing car. The half pipe in the backyard lay dormant, until it didn't; the roar of the sports car meant my younger brother was home, and he with his friends by the sounds of other cars pulling up.
My younger brother's girlfriend took the recliner at my side, and picked up the pitcher of iced tea. She squinted and shielded her eyes; the guys with skateboards under their arms took to the half-pipe.
I scowled at how lanky and thin the skateboarders were. Even guys were slimmer than me.
One of my younger brother's friends came by with a camera. He yakked on about his Maxxum, and re-tied the bobble holding his ponytail. He raised it to my face.
"Exclusive interview - "
I reddened and pushed the camera away. He shrugged and headed towards the crew.
"I hate it," I folded my arms. "I hate watching myself on videos."
My younger brother's girlfriend folded her arms, too, as she watched the guys. "That's what's making them famous."