It was hard at first, but I relented when stopping in at a merchandise store where one of my brother's friends worked, and saw a yoga class set up opposite.

I didn't even need to bring my own mat, if they had spares.

At first I was reluctant because of how still you had to sit, you didn't generally fidget, and while listening to someone else tell you what to do and how to think and feel - or so I understood it to be - it took several sessions before I could do what the class was set for, to unwind.

I didn't need to be particularly elastic, but I tricked my brain into thinking that this would somehow help me with the chaos that would be that race in the UK. When I sat there, imagining controlling my breathing would help with the pre-race stretches, and set my mind at ease, I did in time find that my mind was at ease, at least for a little bit.

I had little time to dwell on the hit on endorphins this gave me. My dad called not soon after, he and my family back from a scripted episode from Mexico, that my younger brother had had a break in.

...

I had not spent many nights here if any, and visited barely often, but the mess in the house could well be expected from any party my brother could give.

The TV was smashed, the window broken, the lamp askew. My mom passed me the cat in case any of the glass shards was still on the floor.

He had an automatic gate with a keypad, but still someone broke in. My family avoided my eye when I did take opportunity to ask, and it was only when my younger brother, fed up with the slowness of the repair service, threw his hands up and declared he needed an afternoon drink.

His sports car veered off, and that was when the gossip spilled forth. Police had been called, there would be a court hearing, and not the first which had my younger brother's name on it.

I came to understand it wasn't a break in per se. I was not surprised when the interest picked up in town, now that my younger brother could declare himself on the market once more.

...

My world was slowly splintering. The episodes had run dry. My family relatives had long since taken positions notwithstanding the incident. People at work or during road trips knew the family name, and stated vividly their opinions and their demands.

Celebrities flocked, but everyone was growing older, having kids. There was a listlessness to some, and some were tired. It was time to be an adult, to restrain spending no longer feasible, except where my younger brother went home to his castle, and others like me struggled to keep up.

God help me if I didn't have a goal. I looked back and thought how lost I would be if I had not vowed to be skinny one day. My trials continued, and as the show at last wrapped up, and promised no closure or quiet, I was glad the weight was tough to budge.

I could not face looking at myself, and being content with what I had. There was too much that had happened, that could happen, and now looking down the future which was miserable, I could always rely on my darkening mood, my pessimistic thoughts, my excuses - except where it came to fighting that uphill battle that was other people's judgment.