Chapter Five
Elsa wanted to hide in her room and mope. The dream had left her sleepless for the rest of the night and she knew she looked terrible. But she also knew if she didn't go down for some breakfast, her father would be charging down the door.
She braced herself for the question when she entered the dining room, and her father did not disappoint.
"You look terrible, honey." Adgar's hair was more gray than the brown Elsa remembered, and was receding somewhat. But his eyes were just as piercing, his shoulders as strong. "Didn't sleep well, did you?"
"Adgar." Idun, more sympathetic, drew Elsa into a chair at the table. Her old chair, Elsa noticed.
"Things didn't go very well with Anna last night, did it?" Adgar was never one to beat around the bush.
"I never expected a warm welcome." Elsa said. But it wasn't exactly true, she realized. She had hoped. She had expected Anna to leap into a towering rage, to shout so loud that half the town would hear. She was entitled to it. But Elsa had hoped that after all the raging, Anna would throw herself into her arms, eyes bright with tears and joy, and things would go back to the way it was before Elsa… left. She looked out the window at the yard she and Anna and so many others had played as children, and her heart yearned for the simplicity of it all.
"So when are you going to patch things up with Anna?"
"Adgar." Idun sighed at her husband's lack of tact.
Elsa shook her head, then fixed her father with a stern gaze. "Is this why you suspended me from my job? So that I'll be back here to try to patch things up with Anna?"
"Seemed like the right thing to do at the time." Adgar leaned back in his chair with his morning coffee. Elsa stared at him in shock. Adgar had been the affectionate but stern father in her childhood, this was one manipulation she had never in her wildest dreams thought possible from her father. "Dad, you suspended me from my position in the company because of one late report. One!"
"You left me no choice." Adgar said defensively. "You were moping and doing nothing about it. You needed a push in the right direction. I tried for ages to look for some fault in your work; that report was the only excuse I had. I had to get you away from the city and back here somehow."
Elsa just stared. "Do you even hear yourself right now? One late report, Dad!"
"I had one excuse, and I took it. I just want you to be happy." Adgar said blithely. "Don't avoid the question, honey. When are you going to patch things up with Anna?"
Elsa face-planted on the table. "I don't know. I don't know where to start." She mumbled pitifully into the wood.
"Try apologizing. That's always a good start." Adgar said, and sipped his coffee.
"I don't think it's that easy, Dad."
"When you've done something wrong, you apologize for it. This has always been the way it should be. No one ever said it'll be easy."
"You should go see your friends." Idun suggested as her father gave an undignified yelp – Elsa guessed it was because her mother had kicked her father under the table. At the mention of her friends, Elsa's heart sank further.
"They're Anna's friends." She was reminded again how dependent on Anna she had been. Without Anna, there were very little of the town she was familiar with.
Idun fixed her a stern glance. "They're your friends too. Do you want Anna back in your life?"
Did she even have to ask? "Yes."
"Then you have your work cut out for you."
That miserable, arrogant…. Stinker! How dare she, to waltz into her parents' home, expecting her to weep for joy and fall into her arms; and to look so baffled when Anna did neither.
Anna had not slept well the night before. It didn't help that she had spent the night in her parents' house, in her old room, where memories of Elsa collided with the staggering impact of Elsa's presence in River's End.
Anna swung down the main street of the town. She was late, not that she had a boss who cared when she clocked in or out, but still she hurried; it was the principle of it more than anything. Little had changed over the few years Elsa had left. The grocery store was still at the end of the street. Old Man Forrest still sat behind the counter of the toy store; Old Mrs. Cullen still gave the children who entered her shop free candy from her shelves, much to the resignation of her son. Seven years, her heart whispered, seven years since Elsa left. But who was counting?
Anna thank God for small favors; luckily for her she had seen Elsa crossing the yard to her house from an upstairs window. What humiliation it would have been if she had been caught unawares.
Elsa Arendelle was beautiful, elegant, poised. A part of Anna had wanted her fat, her face pot-marked. But all Elsa managed to do in these seven years was grown more beautiful. And when Anna had seen her, the emotions had slammed into her; joy, fury, longing, love. All so intense, so sudden, that she had been breathless from them. And she had to sit for a while, breathing slowly, before being able to get those emotions under control.
Once she would have run to her, would have done anything to make the anxious look disappear from Elsa's face; to make Elsa smile. Once her world had revolved around Elsa, her happiness depending solely on the other girl. Those days were long gone. Now she was a woman grown, with her job and her friends, her focus and her place in the town. It infuriated her to remember the mess of grief and confusion she had been in when Elsa had left.
Now she was stronger, and there were more important things in her life than Elsa Arendelle.
She pushed open the door to Kristoff's bakery, two doors from the candy shop, letting the familiar warmth and the smell of fresh bread and blast of conversation comfort her. She volunteered here when the summer holidays came and she did not have to be in school. Kristoff's bakery-slash-café was newly established, but it was quickly gaining popularity and Kristoff could use all the help he could get.
"Anna!" Kristoff waved from behind the counter, looking anxious, face already flushed from the heat from the kitchen. Merida, who taught at River's End High School along with Anna, was already there, a tray pretty well-balanced in each hand as she zoomed around the café on… skates. That was new. Anna stared, open-mouthed, before dodging out of the way and heading toward the counters. As long as no skate-related accidents occurred, she was not going to ask questions.
"Anna! Last night…" began Kristoff.
"The éclairs were awesome, as was the crème brûlée. And those little fruit tarts were…"
"I'm not asking about that!" conscious of the gossip grapevine of small towns, Kristoff grabbed her by the arm and dragged her toward the kitchen. The door swung shut behind them, dimming the buzz of the crowded café outside. Rapunzel, Kristoff's co-chef and baker, was inside, looking up in surprise from the oven in which pies were baking.
"Mind the counter, will you?" Kristoff said gruffly.
"Okay. Don't burn them." Rapunzel pointed a finger at him, and left with a curious glance at Anna. Anna waited for the door to swing shut again.
"If you don't want to know about the feedback from last night…"
"I heard Elsa's back in town." Kristoff said gruffly, looking at her closely. Anna deflated.
"Who told you." It wasn't a question, Anna would be disappointed if Kristoff had heard it from less than ten different people. Their town was a close-knit community, after all. Kristoff shot her a meaningful glance.
"Not you."
Anna sighed. "There's not much to talk about. She came over to my parents' place last night. Took me by surprise too."
"Why didn't I know that?" Kristoff waved his arm agitatedly.
"Because you were in the kitchens loading trays. She was only there for a little while. Greeted my parents. She left before they cut the cake." And Anna had been glad to see her leave. Kristoff studied her piercingly, and Anna fought to keep herself from squirming. "Kristoff…"
"Are you alright?" Kristoff said gently, and Anna had to fight down the sudden urge to cry. She nodded, but Kristoff reached out to gather her into his arms, and with a sigh she pressed her face into his broad shoulder.
"I'll be fine." She said. She would be.
"Let's go for a movie tonight." Kristoff said, "Or we can stay home and invite the gang over and play video games, or something."
"Sounds good." Anna said. She knew Kristoff had a lot of questions, but she was glad that her oldest friend refrained from asking. Those were questions she didn't know the answers to. Was Elsa back for good or was it just a brief stay? What did her coming back meant to Anna? Did she want Elsa back in her life?
The door burst opened and Merida came flying in on her skates, narrowly escaping from slamming face-first into the ovens.
"Anna, this may come as a shock to you but Elsa Arendelle is coming down the street toward the café." She said breathlessly. "Get out through the back door, I'll stall her. Go."
Loyal friends were a Godsend, Anna decided; on certain occasions only. Knowing Merida the Fearless, Anna backed away from Kristoff and grabbed on to Merida's sleeve instead, just in case she was thinking of doing something extreme. Like punching Elsa in the face.
"I'm not going anywhere." Anna took a deep breath. "Merida, behave."
"When have I never?" Merida said indignantly, but Anna had already shot Kristoff a warning gaze and exited the kitchen.
Elsa was just coming in through the door. A sudden hush fell over the crowd at the tables. People gaped, then there was a burst of noise where everyone started talking at once.
"There you are! Looking lively!"
"How are you? Still as pretty as ever!"
"How long will you be staying?"
"Better late than never, I've waited seven years for this day." Merida murmured from behind Anna, and made a lung in Elsa's direction with fists raised, only to be pulled back by Kristoff with one arm firmly around her waist. "We'll be inside." He mouthed to Anna, before closing the kitchen door firmly.
Elsa's good manners guaranteed Anna some time to compose herself. She watched as the blonde moved around the café, shyly exchanging greetings, answering questions. Still as sophisticated as ever. Anna's heart ached because nothing about Elsa seemed to have changed, and yet everything had. She began making herself look busy behind the counter, putting on an apron and starting on an espresso that no one ordered. Beside her, Rapunzel watched the scene with a puzzled air, while arranging little apple tarts on a tray.
When Elsa finally got around to the counter, Anna was ready for her.
"Anna." That voice. How many months had she dreamed of that voice, wishing, praying that she would hear it again. She didn't dare look up, she didn't want to look into those blue eyes and be lost in them.
"Hey. Good morning! So what's it for the day?" she said brightly instead, the training she had during her months of waitressing during college coming into play.
Elsa hesitated, clearly confused. "Erm… I was wondering if we could… I mean… we didn't really get a chance to talk last night. I was wondering if we can… when you are free, of course… if we can… catch up."
"Catch up." The words sounded foreign on Anna's tongue. Her world was upside down, and Elsa wanted to catch up. "Now's not a good time; as you can see, I'm working. But as you're here, let me introduce you to the chef who put together our marvelous menu today." Anna gestured to Rapunzel, "This is Rapunzel, whose cooking will be sure to tempt you; Rapunzel, this is Elsa Arendelle, an old friend of ours. Feed her, will you? I'm needed in the kitchen." She turned and escaped.
Elsa watched as Rapunzel's eyes widened in shock, then the sunny smile disappeared. Here it was, the dragon protecting the princess, she thought weakly as Rapunzel folded her arms in front of her chest.
"They serve a very nice breakfast down at the inn," she said stiffly, "I'll be sure to let Kristoff know you dropped by."
"Kristoff?"
"This place belongs to Kristoff, it has been his dream for years." Which you would know had you bothered to stay was the unspoken accusation. If Rapunzel, someone who had only known Anna for a few years – because she sure wasn't from River's End when Elsa had still been here – leaped to protect Anna like this, Elsa could only think of how the others – Kristoff, Merida – would react. Frustration clawed at her as it always did whenever she had to settle something but had no means of doing it. Desperation edged in, because she really, really wanted Anna back in her life but it seemed more impossible as time went. And with it came the first lick of anger, poking through the guilt she had wrapped herself in. She had met Ralph earlier in the morning, along with his brother Felix, at the construction site they were working, as well as Flynn at his lawyer's office, and Tiana, who had been a friend though not one of their gang; all of them had been polite, brutally so, and cold.
She wanted at least one person of her age, just one, who would welcome her back and meant it.
If all of Anna's friends were hell-bent on keeping her away from Anna, some drastic actions needed to be done. Grimly, Elsa took out her phone and began dialing.
Their apartment suited Anna just fine. It was located at a ten minutes' drive away from the café, fifteen minutes from the high school, and fifteen minutes from their parents' houses. It had three rooms, one each for Kristoff, Merida and Anna. Anna loved the mismatched furniture the three of them had salvaged from yard sales and the flower curtains Merida's mother had embroidered. It was a pretty place, close to the park, with decent neighbors.
Decent neighbors, until now.
"Unbelievable." Anna murmured, staring. The day before, the apartment directly opposite theirs had been empty; today, the door was opened, and workmen were milling around moving furniture. The gossip grapevine of River's End had failed; Anna was taken completely by surprise. Wait till Kristoff and Merida get home and get a hold of this, she thought.
Elsa Arendelle was their new neighbor.
Elsa herself was there, giving instructions as to which piece of furniture went where in a steady, quiet, authoritative voice. This was new, Anna thought absently, this was a side of Elsa she had not known before, one that did not fit in with the insecure girl she had grown up with. But Elsa had been working in her father's company for five years now, and authority sat well with her. She looked… sexy, in her conservative blouse and slacks, her blond hair in a bun, the serious look on her face.
The sudden lust was unwelcomed, but not, Anna thought resignedly, entirely surprising. Heat had never been the problem between them. Till now, Anna was not quite sure what the problem had been.
Right now, Elsa's presence was her problem. The other woman saw her standing by the staircase, and angled her chin in a very familiar, defiant way. The façade was down, there would be no more forced politeness. Good, Anna was not in the mood to be polite either.
"Elsa, I need a word with you, alone." She hissed, her key already out to unlock her own door. Any confrontations with Elsa would be done behind closed doors; there was always the chance –no matter how unlikely- of Elsa losing control of her powers. Even at a time like this, Anna thought sourly, she was still thinking about protecting Elsa.
"Oh, now you want to talk?" Elsa snapped, but followed her in through the door. Anna was too angry to feel self-conscious about the mess in the living room and the dishes in the sink – it was Merida's turn to do the dishes. Besides, it was Elsa. Anna was the last person on Earth at the moment who would worry about impressing the Ice Queen.
"What are you doing?" Anna rounded on her.
"Moving in. Isn't that obvious?" Elsa shot back. "Or do you suggest I stay with my parents instead?"
"All that wealth finally got to your head, huh? Who buys an apartment just to stay for a few days?" Elsa's perfume was invading her senses. Her pale face was flushed with temper, those blue eyes firing magnificently. Anna backed away, appalled at the direction of her thoughts, and the direction of her blood flow currently draining from her head, rerouting south.
"I'm not here for a visit, Anna. I'm here to stay." Elsa felt a vicious satisfaction as the color drained from Anna's face. She followed that with the next punch. "In two weeks' time, I shall be starting in River's End High School as the new English teacher."
"You're joking." Anna staggered back, mouth agape.
"No. I'm looking forward to seeing you in school, my dear colleague."
Anna touched a fist to her chest, where her heart was hurting. She was so sure Elsa was back for a visit. Just a visit. It was the only thing that kept her going, kept her from yearning, kept her from breaking down. Now Elsa was her neighbor, and her colleague.
"Why are you doing this?" she whispered.
"This is my home." Elsa countered, her chin angled. "I wasn't born here; and I left for further studies in the city; that doesn't mean River's End isn't my home."
"Further studies my ass." Was Anna's furious response. "This is your home my ass. What a touching statement for someone who walked away so casually. You left because you felt trapped here. Or did you forget? You said so yourself, you felt trapped here. By me." And the memory of it tore her to pieces.
"Anna." Shaken, Elsa reached out, only to have her hand slapped away.
"Don't touch me." Anna said quietly. "You don't have the right. Nor do you have the right to come waltzing back into my life on your own whim, after leaving like that on your own whim. What do you want, Elsa? You moved in, you applied to my school; don't insult my intelligence and say it's all a coincidence."
Elsa swallowed, balled her fists against the cold in her fingers. It startled her, she had not needed conscious effort to rein her powers in for a long time now. "I want you back in my life."
"Well, I don't want you back in mine." Anna said, and disdain masked her voice, making Elsa squirm. "It's always about you, isn't it, Elsa? What you want, what you need. Leaving because it suits you, coming back because it suits you. Never mind how other people feel. You can take your wants and your needs to hell, Arendelle."
"There was nothing casual about the way I left! And I never meant to hurt you." It was panic in Elsa's chest, tightening around her heart, causing the temperature drop that had frost spreading slowly in a circle, making Anna's breath mist. This was all wrong; the distrust, the disdain, the cold, the indifference, an Anna that was closed off because she wanted nothing to do with Elsa anymore. "I know I did, but I never meant to! I had to leave!"
"Because you were trapped here by me." Anna said hollowly, "I think we've established that. You might wanna calm down a little before getting the hell out of my place. Won't want your secret to leak after so many years of secrecy."
Guilt intensified ten-fold, because after all that had happened, after all the hurt she had caused Anna, she was still protecting her secret. "Anna, please, just… let go of your pride for one moment and…"
"Pride?" Anna backed a step, then another, and her voice cracked, as did her mask. And Elsa saw the anguish, the pain, the helpless fury. "You think this is pride? Elsa, I loved you."
Elsa wanted to step forward, to gather her up and soothe away all the pain she had caused. But it was the same pain that she could see that made her step back instead.
Anna's voice was quiet again. "I loved you. Completely. With everything I had. I loved you so much. So much that when you left, I thought I would die from it."
"Anna".
But Anna raised a hand, and Elsa stopped.
"But I didn't die, Elsa. I got over you instead, and I no longer need you. And what you threw away so callously would have been the best thing of your life."
She reached for the door, opened it. "I think it's best you leave, Elsa."
The door shut with a dull thud behind Elsa. The hallway was empty for the time being. The men were busy with the fridge, or the bed, or they could have taken her stuff and ran; at the moment, Elsa couldn't care less. Grateful for the solitude, she slid down the door and buried her face into her knees as silent sobs racked her body.
On the other side, Anna sat with her back to the door, her head angled up to stare at the ceiling. Her hand was still fisted on her chest. A heart could still hurt, she thought vaguely, even when it had been crushed to dust. And she was so tired, so tired of the pain.
She dropped her face into her knees too, and wept.