A/N: First of all, I want to admit upfront that this piece hits very, very close to home, despite it having happened so long ago. There are still things I'm working through, but since writing in itself is therapeutic, I've decided to bring my pain to y'all. Mwahahaha

Viewpoints alternate between Tori and Jade.

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, for if I do, it would not have ended the way it did. Jori.

Tori:

Dear Chamber of Secrets,

Sometimes, I don't know if I did the right thing coming home from Yerba.

It sounds insane to even think this way, I know. To be fortunate enough to escape from that hell where I lost parts of myself, to find out how much my family cares for me, and most importantly, to realize that the crush I had for some time wanting me back.

To have my protective lover next to me in bed every night. Really, what more could I ask for?

It was her that convinced me to stick around. She held my hand throughout and made sure I stayed afloat. Without her, I know I would have sunk a long time ago. Deep inside, I knew I wasn't strong enough to deal with the aftermath of the creepy doctor's "surgery" all by myself, especially after seeing what happened to the remains of my foot later on.

I was even prepared to leave life that night in Yerba. In fact, I had a plan all figured out.

But now I shudder thinking about what would have happened if I chose to stay there. Who knows what else they would have done to me? I know what I was hoping for: a quick bang to the head, then eternal slumber, in exchange for the safe return of everyone else. But Jade had a point. She asked me if I really thought things were going to be so simple, and begged me to stay with her, Jade West style.

After we pulled off that performance, and got on that helicopter, I thought this entire nightmare would be over. How I wish it was that easy, that painless.

Unfortunately for me, it wasn't a happily ever after Hollywood movie. Perhaps I was too naïve to think that everything would just return to normal after I got home.

In the half a year that followed, including the three months spent in the hospital, Jade never left my side. I had to convince her to go to school, and that I would not go missing when she came to visit me later. My family and friends were all there for me too, visiting whenever they can. Everyone showed me how much they loved and treasured me.

So what's my problem?

For one, my dad is never home anymore. He is always working an extra shift. I couldn't blame him because I am the cause of it, since I wiped all our family's savings on my long hospital stay, two leg surgeries and prosthetics.

My mom is never home anymore either. I suspected it for a long time that she was cheating on my dad behind his back, with her dreamy smiles whenever she sends or receives texts from my dad's partner Gary. I know, because I snooped on her phone once when she left it on the couch to go to the bathroom while watching tv. I don't think I can blame her either, since my dad is no longer free to spend any time with her. Guess whose fault it is?

Adding on to that is something no one else wanted me to find out. I spied letters appearing in our mailbox with thick red "Payment Due", "Overdue" and "Final Notice" in all caps. I know my family didn't want me to feel bad or worry about it to focus on my recovery, but the fact is that I'm the one that caused all these to happen.

Jade knows about it too, since she is practically living with me at my house. We did hear loud, harsh voices coming from the living room when we turned off the lights and pretended to be asleep in our room multiple times, and it has gotten worse this week.

It is during these times when I see Jade not being her usual sarcastic self. She would freeze up, her typical smirk disappearing from her face and she would hide under the sheets, gripping me tightly to her.

I didn't dare to ask her what was wrong, but I figured that it had something to do with her unhappy childhood. It's not as if she would tell me even if I asked anyway. But I know she would say it when she's ready.

Jade is still a Crabby Cathy, but I see her keeping all her emotions under wraps just to make me feel better.

I can't even begin to express how grateful I am to all of them.

School's not all peachy either.

I know people are talking behind my back. Sometimes I spot them from the corner of my eye, pointing and sniggering, when Jade's not beside me. I know they would stop if I sicced Jade on them, but she's not my attack dog, and I don't want her to get into any trouble because of me. I'm scared of her even finding out, because I know she would be furious and potentially cause serious bodily harm to someone.

So I put on a smile and pretend everything's alright.

Physically, I think I'm doing ok. My eye no longer hurts, and what's left of my leg no longer swells or hurt that much.

But after all these months, I'm still having nightmares, although it's no longer occurring every night. I can't drop either my regular eye doctor visits or prosthetist visits, since I technically can't live without them.

Maybe I can talk to my mom and dad about dropping those therapy sessions, since I'm not sure if they are actually helping at this point. This would probably help to lift some of the financial strain on them. But then, I know Jade would never agree, especially since she bears the blunt of the burden of my nightly screams.

Not that I never tried to get her to go home so I can try to deal with this alone. But if I'm honest with myself, I know I won't last two days without her by my side. I don't know what she still sees in me, since I think I am so troublesome to deal with.

I hate myself for being so weak, but I need to hold on for Jade, my family and my friends. Especially after them doing so much for me after all this time.

Tori