Aragorg vs Orkin
Chapter 3
Dusk was Approaching by the time Harry approached the nest. A very pissed off Aragog was attempting to reinforce his position with webbing, only to get shot every two seconds. He never got the chance to even scream as wave after wave of B2 Bombers flattened the forbidden forest, sending bodies and spiders flying. Aragog fled deeper into the forest as the Army began firebombing the forest, intent on driving out Aragog and his ilk. The entrance to the forest was sealed off with fly paper, the interior was blasted to craters via nukes and the fallout irradiated and killed scores of spiders. Ron came back with the BFG 10k and sent fifty more spiders to Hell in a blaze of glory before being speared in the gut by a now Livid Aragog.
All of the troops opened fire at once and Aragog was reduced to Hasty pudding and yet somehow still alive. Even as he waved the white flag, Harry and co simply bought out Miniguns and kept firing, even as Aragog turned into a brownish black spot on the ground, feebily screeching for help as he was hosed down with a hail of gunfire.
"WAI-" he tried to say but got more hot lead thrown his way.
At this point, Harry and Co were firing at nothing but fine mist and twigs. Aragog had died sometime between that time. In Hell, Satan woke up from a beautiful nap to see the house sized spider in his living room. The scream could be heard for miles as Satan tried and failed to spray Aragog with raid. Aragog simply took the raid and spritzed it into his nostrils to clear the blockage, then walked away from the Throne and into Hell itself. More screams followed alongside panicked gunfire and more screaming as Aragog refused to die. He soon found a mate and they had kids. That's when Satan decided to leave, there were webs everywhere, vapes on the tables and someone had misplaced his collection of Elvis Records. He walked in on Aragog and his wife having sex at one point, told them to keep it down and walked back to see the kids eating his expensive and carefully crafted roast Beef Sandwich. Roast beef was expensive in Hell, It took eons to find a proper butcher as all the souls were either vegan, too fat to be of any use or in Heaven. He sat down and was just about to relax when his eyes snapped open.
"It smells like...peppermint? Oh hell n-"
Satan was dogpiled by the kids, many of them of age and horny.
He would walk funny for the next few years.
More than three months had passed and Satan finally made his way to hogwarts.
"Who sent that spider to Hell?" he demanded. His face was unshaven, his eyes were swollen and his breath smelled. There was a milky substance leaking from his ass.
Harry pointed to Ron, who pointed to Hagrid. Hagrid tried in vain to escape from the livid demon but was caught and dragged to hell. Enraged at Hagrid for not helping him in his hour of need, Aragog turned him into a nursery. Some say he's still there, screaming from the pain.
End