You could cut the tension with a knife. I'd finally said what should have been said every day since I first realized, but I was too afraid to. What's that say about a man, too afraid to admit he's in love? But now, now that I finally said what I've known for years, all I could do was wait. See how Moony would respond. Please, don't run out was all I could think while the ancient grandfather clock ticked loudly from the other room, the methodical ticking counting the seconds that passed.
After a few minutes that felt like years, came the quiet, pained response, "Please, don't joke". My heart broke. Why would anyone joke about love? I may be dense, and take too long to recognize my own feelings, but I know that isn't something to be joked about… and I hope Mooney knows I'm sincere. But, what to say to get him to see this?
"Remus." One word. That's all I needed to say. It must have been said with enough emotion to make him understand, because I suddenly had my best friend in my lap, his head cradled against my chest as my shirt was peppered with hot tears. I held him as he cried. Eventually we'd talk about this, but for now, he needs this. I need this.
While I sat there, holding Remus, I thought back to one of the first times I realized there was more to our relationship than just friends and roommates. We were in Potions, and were making Amortentia. I smelled chocolate; I loathe chocolate, but Remus loves the stuff, and for as long as I can remember, always had some on him. It was then that I made the connection that I smelled chocolate, not because I liked it, but because I loved the man who I associated with chocolate. I was only sixteen - sixteen when I realized I was in love with one of my best friends.
Shortly after that I became what some might call a player. I went on dates, but never dated, refusing to tie myself down to any one person. I told myself it was because I wanted freedom, but really I was just waiting, waiting until I'd stop being afraid and admit what I was feeling.
But, I'm no longer sixteen. No longer a player. I let out a small chuckle, I haven't been on a date since before I was nineteen, being busy with the Order and then of course being in Azkaban.
My laugh got Remus to lift his head. "What's funny?" he asked, bloodshot eyes staring into my steely grey.
"Just laughing at how big of an idiot I was. I could have had you in my arms twenty years ago if I had just let myself be okay with my feelings." I then did what I should have done years ago, and pressed my lips to his. Just a single, chaste, kiss.
My chest felt tight. I was anxious, yet excited. Scared, but hopeful. This would change everything, but I've already been through the worst time of my life, I had to believe I was owed some good times too.
Remus surprised me just then, pulling me out of my thoughts. He grabbed me and pulled me towards him, kissing me harshly. It was a jumble of lips and teeth, and I knew one of us got nicked when I noticed a metallic taste, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I had Remus right where I've wanted him for years.