Blaine had been on the brink of sleep when he felt his mattress shift beneath him. He kept his eyes closed, hoping that it would keep the inevitable from happening, and he would be left alone to fall back into slumber once more. "Daddy?" a small voice whispered. Blaine stayed where he was, once more hoping that he wouldn't have to sacrifice his comfortable position. But alas, as usual, no such luck. "Daddy?" the voice asked again, this time, accompanied by a tiny hand pushing at his back slightly in an attempt to wake him up.
Blaine sighed, but rolled over to face his daughter. "Mackenzie, you should be asleep," Blaine noted, rubbing his eyes as he propped himself up on his elbow. "We have a big day tomorrow." The little girl was sitting on her knees in her pink night gown and pigtails, clutching an old stuff dog to her chest as she stared wide eyed at her father.
"I tried. I can't." the girl claimed, voice still soft, as if someone were in the hotel room with them. Of course, someone would be once Cooper was in town for the wedding the next morning. Blaine and Mackenzie had to be around early for the rehearsal dinner, and up bright and early to get ready for Sam and Brielle's wedding. "Bear doesn't like the dark," the girl added, squeezing her puppy plush a little tighter.
"Well maybe Bear would like to stay in my bed with me then? And then you can go back to sleep over in yours," Blaine offered, a little smirk on his face. Even though his daughter was still a little too young to understand that Blaine was joking, he couldn't help but get a kick at the way the 5 year old reacted to statement. "I mean, you're not afraid of the dark, right?" Blaine added.
The little girl paused before saying more quietly than before "Maybe a little…"
"Well then maybe you should both stay here with me then. How about that?" Blaine offered, pulling up the covers so the little girl could get herself tucked beneath them. She scooted as close to Blaine as possible, and rested her head on the man's shoulder as he lay back down in bed. Blaine expected this to happen, honestly. Mackenzie didn't adjust particularly well to new places, and they had totally forgotten her Ariel night light at home. Blaine kissed his little girl's forehead and kept an arm around her as she made herself comfortable. "Goodnight sweetheart," He pushed her curls out of his own face once she stopped squirming, and shut his eyes again will full intentions to sleep.
A few minutes passed, and once again, Blaine was just on the verge of sleep when the little girl next to him piped up again. "Daddy?"
Once again, Blaine sighed. Keeping his eyes closed, he responded, "Yes, Mackenzie?"
"When are you going to get married?" the little voice beside him asked.
Blaine opened one eye, and glanced over at his daughter. He didn't expect this type of question from the 5 year old, especially so late at night. He wondered how long her mind had been reeling over it. "Well I don't have any immediate plans… why are you asking that, Kenz?" Blaine answered, even though little Mackenzie may have not totally understood what he was saying.
"All my friends has a mommy and a daddy that's married and now Unca Sam and Auntie Bri are getting married and I just want to know when you're getting married," Kenzie explained in her best 5 year old logic.
Blaine sighed, and rolled on his side again to face Mackenzie. "Well, honey, it's not that simple. Getting married is something that happens when you find someone you want to love and spend the rest of your life with. And daddy doesn't have anyone like that except you."
"So we should get married then," Mackenzie decided.
Blaine chuckled, "Daddy's don't get married to their babies, Kenz."
"Why not?" Mackenzie asked, confused since her father said himself that he wanted to be with her forever.
"Well getting married is something grownups do after knowing each other for a long time. The two people getting married aren't part of the same family, but once they get married, then they become a family. Does that make sense?" Blaine asked, wondering if his train of thought was on the five year olds level. He sure hoped so. It was pushing 4 hours past the little girl's bedtime because of how late the rehearsal dinner went.
"I guess so," the girl mumbled, still trying to process the information.
"And if daddy ever gets married, you'll have two daddies and we'll be one big family. But I haven't found anyone that I think should be in our family. I think we're pretty good just me and you." Blaine explained, giving the little girl a squeeze.
"I don't want you to get married," Mackenzie decided abruptly. "I don't want another daddy. We're good just me and you."
"Well princess, I'm not going to get married any time soon. Promise," Blaine said with a small sigh. This was not the conversation he was hoping to have as it pushed midnight on the eve of his best friend's wedding. Mackenzie was usually in bed by 8, and he was sure that she'd be a bear to wake up in the morning. Especially if she kept pushing this issue. He hoped his promise was enough to put the child at ease, though. "Daddy hasn't even had a boyfriend since you were a baby."
"Good," Mackenzie decided, curling back up next to her father. "Unca Sam said you was gonna get married and I was worried. Did unca Sam lie?"
Blaine was taken aback by the statement that his daughter just produced. He was sure this wasn't something Sam said directly to his daughter. She probably overheard it, although Blaine wasn't entirely sure why Sam would be talking about that point of Blaine's life. "No, sweetie, Uncle Sam didn't lie," Blaine said with a sigh. "Wayyyy before you were born, I was going to get married. I didn't though."
"Why not?"
"Well I did something bad, and made the man I was going to marry very mad at me. So he decided we shouldn't get married after all." Blaine explained in the simplest of terms. Even in this moment, 8 years later, he still felt awful about cheating on Kurt. He wasn't going to ever pretend it wasn't his fault that things fell to pieces.
"Did you say sorry?" Mackenzie asked, flabbergasted that her father could ever do something bad.
"Of course I said sorry. Sometimes, though, people do something so bad that even saying sorry couldn't fix it," Blaine explained, still hoping with each statement that it would be the last. But Mackenzie being a curious child wasn't quite satisfied.
"Why did you do something bad?" Mackenzie asked.
"I'm not sure, Kenz. It's kind of complicated," Blaine said with a sigh, knowing full well his daughter was not old enough to handle the kind of conversation that accompanied the question 'Why did you cheat on your fiancé?' "It doesn't matter though. Because since I didn't get married, I got you instead. And I love you very very much. More than any person I could ever marry," Blaine promised. Mackenzie nodded, still taking it all in. But she seemed content for now. "Now get some sleep, princess. We have a big day tomorrow," Blaine ordered, rolling to his side and tucking his daughter in beside him.
"G'night daddy," Mackenzie said sleepily as she curled up as close to Blaine as possible, and closed her eyes, slightly grasping the man's white t-shirt as if he would disappear had she let go.
Blaine hummed a lullaby softly and rubbed circles in Mackenzie's back until she finally fell asleep. It barely took any time at all once the child's mind stopped spinning with all the marriage questions. Blaine was glad she was finally out for the night, but unfortunately the conversation had left his mind spinning instead.
He thought about how different his life would be if he hadn't messed up with Kurt. In some ways, Blaine was happy with how things ended up. He had Mackenzie, and being a father was easily the greatest thing that ever happened to Blaine. But there was definitely a hole in Blaine's heart. It was hard being a single dad. It was hard coming home every day and not having someone to take care of him when things got tough. Sure, he had Sam and Brielle and even his brother, but sometimes Blaine did wish he had someone to hold him at night like he held Mackenzie.
Blaine tucked a stray curl from Mackenzie's face and tucked it behind her ear. He had tried to date. But it was so difficult. He worked three jobs, and dedicated so much time to his daughter. That being said, he'd been on dates, but so many man fled once they found out about the child in Blaine's life. Blaine was never sad about it, since any man not willing to have Mackenzie in their life couldn't have Blaine either. But it was frustrating.
There had never been anyone like Kurt. A couple boyfriends who Blaine felt he could have had some sort of future with, but nothing as strong and comforting as being with Kurt Hummel. And Blaine threw it all away. And he still wasn't entirely sure why. Blaine thought about how he'd see Kurt for the first time in 8 years tomorrow, and he wondered if things would be tense between them. He wouldn't blame Kurt if they were, since Blaine probably deserved every ounce of cold shoulder the older man may dish.
Blaine turned to stare up at the ceiling, willing the thoughts away so he could get some sleep. He'd been extra stressed recently for reasons he wasn't ready to face, and just wanted to be able to enjoy his best friend's wedding. But unfortunately the thoughts stayed, and swirled around in his head until nearly 4 in the morning. And it was all too soon when the hotel phone rang with their wakeup call at 8am. All he could think is it would have been easier to sleep if someone had been there to hum a lullaby to him as he tried to settle down to slumber.