A/N: I decided to pull this one-shot out of Lost Fragments and repost this separately just because. Or not really actually. More like I felt that the overall mood didn't match the rest of the other one-shots in Lost Fragments.
"Not again! Why does everything I touched have to all end up into dark matters? Give me a break already!"
Tae sighed for the umpteenth time for the day as she burnt another batch of omelette. She thought that she would finally be able to make it right this time, but no... the final result of her attempt at cooking something still ended up in failure.
Dangit! Why didn't Gorilla-san undo this curse on her before he ended Gintama for good? Or at least, allow her the ability to control this rotten 'ability' of hers so that she would only be able to conjure these dark matters WHEN she wanted to make it.
She knew it all along. That her cooking was really bad. The gag has been running for so long that it'll be weird if she had not realised it herself.
Because it was supposed to be funny, right? Usually, girls should be able to cook even the simplest of meals. But no, not Shimura Tae! Any attempt at making food by her would only end with a dark matter!
"It's not that bad actually... at least that one time we didn't end up with a mass clump of dark matter..."
Tae turned her head towards the owner of the voice as Kyuubei smiled at her.
"Kyuu-chan! When did you arrive?" cried Tae aloud as the Yagyuu heiress just shrugged.
"I only just arrived a few minutes ago... and I saw Gintoki heading here on the way."
The very mention of that man's name made Tae jumped as she rushed out towards the front of the house. To which, it baffled her to see the area empty. Kyuubei was surprised as well as she walked out to the front lawn to see it being empty as well.
She frowned. "That's strange. By now the guy should've reached this place and announcing his presence already..."
Tae sighed again. "It's fine... Kyuu-chan. Perhaps it was better this way. After all, I ended up burning the eggs again."
Kyuubei just answered her with a huff. "Honestly, why did you even want him to come over here anyway? That guy will just make a big fuss about the eggs being abused by you again."
Tae shrugged. "It's nothing big. It's just...I've been trying so hard to learn to be a better cook, but nothing seemed to work. I always end up creating another dark matter!" Tae shook her head. "Of course, there's always Shin-chan to handle all the cooking at home, but I thought... with Gintama having ended already maybe I will finally be able to cook something edible for once!"
Kyuubei nodded her head as she listened to everything Tae said before turning her attention back to her. "And again, why must you make it for HIM?"
"You know the other day," said Tae instead, ignoring Kyuubei's question. "I went to visit Tsukuyo in Yoshiwara and she happened to be helping Hinowa out when I arrived. They were planning out on what to prepare for Seita's bento again and I was reminded of the last incident we had regarding Seita-kun."
Tae sighed again for who knows how many times already. "I can't help being reminded of how bad a cook I am compared to them—"
"Eeh—? But Tae-chan, in the end, it was Hinowa who ended up making all those amazing bento dishes—!"
"Even then, Tsukuyo was able to make a kunai-shaped onigiri on the first attempt. Compared to me, if Tsukuyo—or even Sacchan would try to cook something for the people they cared for, I'm sure their attempt would've been much better than mine..."
Kyuubei hastily waved her hand at her. "No! Tae-chan, don't put yourself down too much—I mean, sure... if we're just assuming it was just us trying to cook for that Gin—while he might try to eat something from Tsukuyo, there's no way he'll want to accept anything from Sacchan, right? I mean, that glasses would end up putting natto on everything..."
That triggered a laugh from Tae as Kyuubei let out a sigh of relief.
"Anyway, how about we go to buy some more groceries and try again. Also, Tae-chan! Did you forget about that last time all of us went to a cooking class? We were only there for a short time yet... that time, the food we ended up making together didn't end up being a dark matter, did it? Even when you had been handling the wok most of the time!" Kyuubei turned her head away from Tae to hide the blush that started forming on her cheeks.
"I g-guess... what I mean to say was—if we do the cooking together, maybe the result will turn out better. And while I don't see a point on why we need to cook anything for that silver perm... well, if you really wanted to do it then I'll help you out."
"Kyuu-chan, thank you!" exclaimed Tae as she wrapped her arms around Kyuubei. "So what're we waiting for? Let's go and get more groceries!" said Tae again as both of them walked out towards the gate.
.
Meanwhile, unnoticed by the two girls... Gintoki poked his head out from his hiding place as he watch the two leave.
xxx
Gintoki let out a long sigh as he stared at the messy kitchen by himself. He took a long breath before picking up an apron, putting it on him and grabbing a broom and a dustpan to start cleaning up. He started sweeping from the corners before reaching the cabinets and stopped in his tracks.
He used the edge of the broom to knock on the ceiling on top of the cabinet.
"Come out, Sacchan," he drawled at that section of the ceiling. "I know you're hiding there, so get out while I'm being nice."
That prompted that part of the ceiling to open up slightly and a purple-haired ninja jumped down to greet Gintoki.
"You noticed... Gin-san?"
Gintoki just nodded at her. "Could you now go back to your home already, wherever that was? If you just listen and do what I tell you today, I'll uh... let you come over to my place and you can spend time with me and do anything—AS LONG AS IT'S NOT SOME WEIRD FETISH THINGS!" Gintoki let out a small cough as he continued. "Just leave Otae alone for the day, can you do that?"
Sarutobi immediately squealed in delight as she hugged Gintoki happily. "Sure... Gin-san! I'll do whatever you want me to do. I can't wait to visit you tomorrow! I can do that, right?"
Gintoki let out a long sigh before nodding. "Yeah... I gave you my wor—!" That earned him another hug by Sacchan as the woman started to turn to leave. "And oh, Sacchan!"
Sarutobi turned around to face him as Gintoki continued, "About what you heard earlier..."
The purple-haired ninja pulled out a large scarf before tying it over Gintoki's head. "...I should keep THAT a secret, right? Of course I'll do that." As she finished speaking, Sacchan disappeared right away like a breeze.
Gintoki just shook his head at what he just promised to that weirdo (why did he have to make such a ridiculous deal just for this girl?) as he walked out of the kitchen and to the room next to it. He stomped on the floor lightly as another stalker popped up from underneath the wooden floors.
"Same goes for you, Gorilla. And I thought you've decided to stop sneaking into the place like this and come in normally. What? Can't you drop that bad habit still?"
Kondou quickly got out of his hiding place and stood before Gintoki. "But it's not fair! Why must you be the only one to get special treatment by Otae-san? I barely got her to treat me nicely for a change but you still get to stay with her longer than me or get treated better by her, even when you did nothing to earn it!"
Gintoki nodded at him as he started to push Kondou towards the gate to get him to leave.
"Yeah, yeah... you can take your turn to see her some other time...," Gintoki gave him a smile as he closed the gates on Kondou's face. "Laters."
Gintoki let out a heavy sigh. There go all of the stalkers, he thought before going back towards the kitchen.
He crouched over the small wastebasket as the remains of the broken eggshells from Otae's last attempt at cooking remained. He slapped his palms together as he paid respect to the remains of the innocent abused eggs.
"I know that I've tried asking this from you guys so often before... but can you let her (and me) off a bit? I know that you're still angry at her for being such a poor cook but the curse has run for too long, don't you think? Isn't it time for it to stop? I won't expect her to suddenly be a great cook right away but at least give her a chance to get better." Gintoki cocked his head towards the broken eggshells as the dark miasma surrounding it started to fade a bit. He smiled weakly at it. "I'm sure that girl would appreciate it if her attempt this time would not conjure into another dark matter again."
xxx
Kyuubei turned her head towards her friend as she helped carry the groceries in one hand.
"Tae-chan, why did you have to go so far for that guy?" She frowned as they reached the Kodokan Dojo. Kyuubei gasped as she came to a sudden realization, "Tae! Could it be... did you? That guy—?"
Tae just gave her an elusive smile before pushing the gate open to get inside.
Once Tae and Kyuubei got inside the house, they're immediately greeted by Kagura who's been waiting for them diligently.
"Boss-sis! Did you come back with food?"
Kyuubei glanced towards the room nearest to them to see Sadaharu sleeping at the corner as Gintoki lying on his side nearby, reading his usual JUMP magazine. Shinpachi was nowhere to be seen but she assumed that he must be somewhere—
"Haven't you eaten already?" Tae asked the younger girl as Kagura shook her head.
"Gin-chan said that we need to wait for you before anyone started preparing anything. It's because he complained that I'd end up eating everything by myself if we prepared everything earlier," Kagura groaned with a pout.
"That's great, then! Since we just came back with more groceries, I might as well start cook—!" Tae started to say as Kagura started to scream in fear.
"Noooo!" shouted Shinpachi as well as he immediately popped out from nowhere. "Since you're already back I might as well start cooking the dishes now. And the rice was almost ready..."
Kyuubei turned to look at Tae's face as she thought she saw her expressions changed slightly. To think that she had barely cheered her friend up to not giving up yet on trying to cook a proper dish.
She hurriedly turned towards Shinpachi as Kyuubei tried to ask him to give his sister a chance to cook. "Ano... Shinpachi? Why don't you let Tae help out with the di—!"
"But Kyuubei-san! Nothing good ever comes whenever sis tried to make anything. It's fine, I'll just—!"
Kyuubei suddenly sense a dark aura growing strong beside her—oh no! Tae's expression was not looking too good she's been looking forward to this yet with everyone already fearful about her dark matters they wouldn't wanna let her any chance to—!
"Just let your sister be... Shinpachi," Kyuubei turned her attention towards Gintoki as the man came over after all of the commotions they've made. "If Otae-chan wanted to cook for dinner then let her do it. If it turns out badly then I'll just eat it all by myself. We'll still have rice anyway, right?"
Kyuubei stared at the man in confusion. Why would that guy say something like this out of the blue? As far as she could remember, Gintoki was the one most terrified by the idea of eating Tae's dark matter! By any chance, did Gintoki—come to think, no one has mentioned the mess Tae has made in the kitchen earlier so was it possible that Gintoki was aware of—?
Gintoki stared back towards Kyuubei with the usual deadpanned look. "What?" he asked her before turning back towards Shinpachi. "Anyway, you can always make another separate dish so that we won't have to just eat plain rice for dinner tonight. Right? So all should be fine now?"
Kyuubei blinked again at the man as Gintoki went back to his spot in the main room.
xxx
Shinpachi cast a worried look towards the kitchen as he finished setting up the table. He placed the two dishes that he made separately before turning towards Gintoki.
"Gin-san! Why do you say that earlier? You know what always happened whenever Big sis would try to cook by herself! She was even preparing several fresh eggs just now!"
Gintoki just shrugged as he wiped his snot on the corner of the tatami mat he was sitting on. "It'll be fine. Besides, even if it turned into another dark matter again... the one who's gonna have to keep their word about eating it would just be me."
"Are you sure that you can keep your word on that, Gintoki?" Kyuubei suddenly spoke as she and Tae walked into the room...
Gintoki raised his head towards the speaker as he shrugged. "Well, she had YOU to help her out, didn't she? Don't tell me that even with your help the result couldn't be changed?"
"Well just see it for yourself!" cried Kyuubei as she slammed the food container onto the table.
Shinpachi and Kagura jumped away on reflex as Gintoki leaned over to look at the fried omelette that Otae have made with Kyuubei's help. Otae quietly sat beside him as she avoided looking at him, dejected.
"Sorry..." said Otae softly to him. "Despite how hard I tried to not get the eggs burned too much, I still—!"
Gintoki just blinked his eyes as he stared at the dish in front of him. Wordlessly, he picked up his chopsticks and reached over to pick up a small piece of Otae's 'omelette' and put it into his mouth. Shinpachi and Kagura stared at him with bated breath to see if anything would happen to him.
After a few seconds of chewing his food, Gintoki suddenly let out a shaky gasp. He clutched his chest in alarm before heaving a long sigh.
"Gosh... I never thought I'd end up feeling so tense just for eating some ugly-looking omelettes."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" That earned him a hard slap on his back as Otae slammed her hand on Gintoki's back.
Gintoki felt as if all the air has been slapped out of his body before turning around towards Otae.
"What's that for... you gorilla woman? I didn't even say that it was bad!" Gintoki shouted at her before giving her a weak smile. "It's not bad, your omelette. Even if you still end up getting it slightly burnt, this time... at least it didn't become dark matter. You even made it sweet enough to my liking."
Kagura and Shinpachi started to come closer to look, and sure enough, the fried omelette that Otae has made actually looked like an omelette finally... even when some parts were still burnt and the omelette misshapen.
"Goodness, I can't believe my eyes! Am I dreaming right now?" Shinpachi gasped as Gintoki tore another piece with his chopsticks.
"Here..." he said before feeding the piece into Otae's mouth. "You can taste it yourself if you don't believe me."
Gintoki let out a sigh of relief. "I guess my prayers finally was heard. Those vengeful eggs has finally given me mercy—" he glanced back towards Otae. "Are you happy now? Your hard work finally paid—!"
Otae suddenly lunged towards Gintoki, crying. "Thank you, Gin-san!"
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING BIG SIS?" Shinpachi exclaimed as he tried to pull his sister away from Gintoki, "GIN-SAN, LET MY SISTER GO!"
"TAE-CHAN! STOP HUGGING THAT MOPHAIR!"
Kagura laughed as she tried to reach out towards the eggs, "I guess I'll finish the rest of the eggs by myself—"
"No one's gonna eat those eggs but me! Otae's ^ggs are MINE! MISS WRITER DON'T CENSOR THAT! IT JUST MADE IT SOUND WRONG!"
.
...
Then...
...all's well that ends well, I think?
A/N2: I wanted Tae to at least have a day where she finally be able to cook something without turning it into a dark matter again. But then as we near the end I sorta forgot how I suppose to end this short piece so I hope you guys can enjoy reading this