A/N: This is a repost from Ao3, it's been there for a while and I just realized I never uploaded it here. No timeline really, but set some time after season 4 and Korra did not find closure in her spirit world talk with Zaheer (that I forgot happened when I wrote this lol)

Warnings for blood and self-harm

There is poison in her blood, and she needs to get it out. Korra can feel it, just beneath her skin, lurking in her veins, and no matter how much she bleeds, there's still more, it just won't get out. She digs the blade deeper into her upper forearm, taking in a sharp breath when she finally, finally draws enough blood for it to drip, drip, drip down her arm and onto the floor below her. It cools on its way down, and a shiver goes down her spine–it's a feeling she'll never get used to.

Korra makes another slice, watching her skin break apart, the poisoned blood welling up in the wound before making another scarlet trail down her arm. The blood in her other cut is already clotting, but when she swipes it with her thumb, it blooms again, bright red. The Avatar examines the two cuts, brow furrowing when she doesn't find what she's looking for. She rests her blade on her forearm once again, slower this time, applying more pressure. She needs more blood. Korra presses the blade in deep, deeper than she ever has before, hoping desperately that it will be enough.

She pulls back and squeezes more blood out of the rapidly filling gash in her arm, letting out a grunt of frustration when she doesn't see the metallic glint she's expecting to find. She knows Zaheer's poison is still in her blood, she can feel it, but time after time, bleeding it out only fails her.

Korra knows, rationally, that she can't extract any of the poison this way, she knows that, and yet, the bleeding feels good. Even if it can't help her get any of the poison out, it does make her feel better. And logic tells her that Toph certainly extracted the last remaining poison in her blood. Zaheer's been gone for years now, after all. Then why doesn't she feel any better?

When Korra looks at her arms, sees her veins, feels the poison inside of her, it's like Zaheer is still there. She feels powerless, and she can't stand it. And the only time she doesn't feel that way is when she's dragging a blade through her skin, drawing the poison out even if there's not any there.

Her arm is still bleeding, and she just stands there, staring at the blood in her wounds. She starts to feel light headed, knows it's time to be done. She grabs some bandages and presses one against her forearm, holding it up to ebb the flow of blood. The bandage soaks up the blood, and the Avatar watches with a grotesque fascination as the red tendrils creep into the wrapping. Korra doesn't know how long she stays like that with her arm in the air. When she pulls the bandage away the deepest cut is still wet with clotted blood, not dried and cakey like the other two slashes. She refrains from touching it and moving the squish of blood around as she knows it will undoubtedly bloom with more red if she does. Instead, Korra just grabs another wrapping from beside her and wounds it tightly around her arm, hoping it will be enough to stop the flow of scarlet.

The face in the mirror above her does not look like her own.

When Korra walks into the bedroom, Asami is already perched on their bed with a book. She looks up when Korra enters the room, her smile waning when she sees her girlfriend's unshed tears, notices the tension in her shoulders. Korra slides into bed, attempting to avoid a conversation about feelings even though she knows hers are written all over her face. Asami sighs, the way she does when Korra knows she's disappointed, and the Avatar knows she's been caught.

When Asami reaches for her girlfriend's arm, Korra lets her take it, lets her roll up her sleeve, watches as her girlfriend takes in the sight of the bandage on her arm, pink already showing through the layers. Asami just barely brushes her fingers over the wrappings before pulling Korra into a tight hug.

"What is it, Korra, that makes you keep hurting yourself like this?" Asami's voice is soft, calculated, patient. Her fingertips trail up and down Korra's uninjured arm, and the Avatar relaxes just slightly at the feeling.

"I don't know." A lie.

"Did you at least take care of it properly?" Korra winces at Asami's question, laden with unspoken words. She shrugs and listens as Asami sighs again and gets out of bed. She walks into the room Korra just left and comes back out with her arms full of more bandages and antiseptic. Tension fills Korra's body without her permission; she hates it when Asami has to do this for her, hates how small and weak it makes her feel. She's the Avatar—she should be stronger than this. Instead, her girlfriend has to tend to her own self-inflicted wounds.

Asami takes the bloody bandage again, this time unraveling it. Korra looks away, unable to bear the look she knows will be on her girlfriend's face when her mistakes are bared. She feels the heat of Asami's gaze on her arm regardless, knows when the largest cut, her biggest ever, is revealed, and listens as Asami's breath gets caught in her throat. She chances a glance at her girlfriend, feeling her heart break when she sees unshed tears in Asami's eyes. The thought that Korra herself is what's making her beloved feel this way almost makes her want to go right back into the bathroom and pull the blade back out.

She stays, waits patiently as Asami applies antiseptic to the wounds, only winces a little bit when it stings almost a better pain than the actual cutting. She's the Avatar; she should be able to take it after all.

Asami re-wraps her cuts with more care than she deserves, taking her time and gently smoothing out the bandages as she goes. Finally, Korra feels her shoulders lose some of the tension that has been sitting in them for hours. Asami finishes wrapping Korra's arm and lifts it up, kissing the edge of the bandage sweetly. Korra feels heat fill her cheeks at the intimacy but a sad smile shows on her face nonetheless. Again the thought fills her head—she doesn't deserve this.

Korra doesn't struggle when Asami pulls her down so that they're laying together on the bed. She feels her girlfriend's fingertips trailing along her uninjured arm once again and turns to look Asami in the eyes. It's the first time their eyes have met since their first glance after she left the bathroom, and feels the weight of unspoken words lying between them.

"We'll talk more about this tomorrow." Asami's voice is soft, gentle. "For now, it's late and I just want to be here with you." Korra lets her girlfriend adjust their position, and Asami presses a kiss to the Avatar's lips before settling her head on Korra's chest. The kiss is chaste but even so, it is filled with intention. Korra feels warmed with love from just the small action.

"I love you,"Asami says before closing her eyes to sleep.

Korra feels the rest of the tension leave her body.